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mccarthymolly · 1 year

Text

Ok hm frvelop idk ig

Bad encour rel, bad afvc bc nt complex n stereitype

Past remindabl bc stereotyp was their influence or material or goal? Okhmuh,uh,onwayout, say out til ok. Uh, nit in spite, xmpls, mntrish tv , ok, uh, noone.

They lkd n uh the worde. The mar words. No, hm, lang hm. Oh, hm, nt about hm,

Hm, inflnc, uh, lessons ok, wri hw can? Uh, idl thst writing uh, ok, hm, mus, uh, hm, lrn mybe ih, tech,uh,hm, lrn ig, hm,uh, people wanting n trying stereotype. Didnt hv slf. Jrnl ok. Uh, hm, uh, lrn sth or not, unlesrnificstion hm , uh,hm,uh,okhm,nc, ig feel more. Uh, cry b nt js cry.

Y offr, uh, okbye, easier, okhmuh,uh,dmhm

Hmn exp uh,hm,uh, idea uh,hm,t, no

Khmuh,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,uh,hm,not ling uh,hm,uh,hm,uh, exp in mus ish, hmkhmuh,hm,end,uh. Ok bye, end. Uh

Coig out , npushy n prej,uh. WT doing

Ok trus n earn? Uh,hm,uh,hm,uh, not earn or prove b do trust n trustworthiness? Hm. Agn ig bc can forget or wt , uh, lose? Uh. Hm mus, fr wt, itself or rel to thinking n uh, hm, being or feeling, n hm, no, n uh, sep, n uh, tg,n ar or hmwr,uh,hmkhmuh,hm,ww, btr ? Uhokhmuh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,sh. Nt lk hm k, nt by, uh, hmkuh,hm,uh,hm,uhhm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,khmuh,hm,uh,how,uh,khmuh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uhhmuh,hm,uh,lk? Uh,hmkhuh,hmu,no,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,byekhmuh,hm. Word soundsz wt do e, uh, hm, uh, hm, uh, hm,ww, hm, uh, physicsl hear , hmokhnuh,hm,uh,hmww,uh,hnkhmuh,hm,hmknihmuh,ni,uh,geuh,f

Ok glnc, 2nd , uh,hm. Uh. Nt mystical or ill. Idkuh. Hm. Uh hm. Uh. Hm uh. Pubber? Uhkhm, selecter? Hmkuh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,my rel, par , hmkuh,hm,uh ww share, uh,khmuh,hm,uh,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh, this feel, okhmuh,hm, aduk, see igz ww pain, corp against u, uh,ok,uh,hm, nt supptfd, supprots bc time n nt hlp, u sh, uh,okhmuh,hm,uh,hm,uh,nt fr u, uh

Okhmn uh. M. U, m, uh, hm, uh, hm, ww, uhok, n u, hm, uh bk uh hm uh no uhhmuhhm k uhkhmuh

No dk nmbr kmuh

Cutoff music hmkuh lk hmk uh hm uh nohmuhhm

Hm ww reliv w art, think mus was ther? Uh. B hm hh hm uh hn think hm uh gee use ig yh. Hmuhhm. Thx

Idk uf trus b trbld, hmkuh,hm,uh,hm,idk,uh,khmuh,no,uh. Dif, chng, idk, hm,uh, y, uh, cat? Uh, idk, weird uh, mny? Uh, idk, uh, uh. Guilt, hv othr lvs? Cm? Uhdk,uh,hm,no,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,hmuh,yuhhmuhjmuhkhmuhh

Lives n abt abroad y tourism col n uh. Hm, uh, hm. Ed. Par no uh

Mc. Dev okuhhmuh, fstr? Uh, hm, uh,uh,mhmuh, idk uh, hm, uh, hw seen, uh,khmuh,hm,uh, ppl say i like smn b uh,hm, uh, ok,uh, nouh,hmuh,uh,hmkhm,y, uh, hm, uh, hm, okhmuh hm

Nd anything? Nc ok uh hm uh, y uh, ok hmuh,hm,uh, cnt be nc there, hm, uhok,hmuh,mny rsn, hm. Offensive toguess, nt picfight, that's honest abt guessing nt wt i think, b I cnt guess, stereotypes cm to mind bc you or me or society, b whn she says sth even if it's against me i don't think tht. Come on man, seriously dr white.

Writey yh u like uh, uh,hn,uh

Thts nt writer uh, idk wt tht is, hm, m say my becoming or nature against her, gee, uh,hm,ok,hints ig, uh,hn,ww,mode, uh,hm, exhausting, hm, ig she nt have tesources or get energized. Ge shirt. Nt hv efrect on mee. Recognize scent b sifts nt wt stuff about. Nt lust b body attraction. Hm n body not attraction, uh,hug test. Uh,hm,uh. Hm think hm ww uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,f,uh,khm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh

Hmyh busy n collarbone n uh, gradded? Or uh, sth, b uh, big campu , no, campus of camp? Uh, place, plus, uh, idk, uh, repeat ig, uh, ok,hm,recignize it cd hpn there anywhere uh, okuhidk,uh,worse,uh,khm,uh,y,uh, no too dep or sth,uh,lf bfr? Uh, talk? Okuh,cnfsng invita,uh,hmkuh,uh,hm,uh,hm,food? Ohkhmuh,hm,uhhmuh

Okhm we y okhnuh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,yh,hm,uh, col hrdr, dif? Nsyeruouser evne there cant feel cnt access that wt,

Hmuh,hm,uh,hm

Eh misun, you unclr ofr uh

Say dif way. Hmkuh,hm,ok, to introducer pragmatics translator eh

Yes 3 ppl think that, millions do, only 3 decided to passive bully, ok

R u hlp,uh,gde,uh

Weir hm, be brthr without house or sth,uh,pasta n ch? Uhno,uh

Dam bye maybe hm uh,hm,uh,hn,uh,no,uh,hm,uh,hm

Brown n vanailla? Hkuhhmuh,hm,no,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,y,uh,khnuh,hm,no,hmuh,hm,uh,hm. Nohm,uh,no,hm,uh. HM lang, b wt, uh, nt try. Uh, ok,hm,uh,emb, uh,

Hm,ok to be desp n need help or be serious? Nt earnest b hm,uh,wt, ig nit, weird email, hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh, hm eml nt hngr, hmk, starch? Hmuh,hm,uh, y think lk thst, bready,hmkuh,hm,uh

Xpln. Like you have experiences n didn't forget them or still feel them? Hm,uh, mybe, b wri, f b eh, eh, b bd spot fir use. Myn, nt board , uh, no

Ok js name n broth smell uh, from stom? Okhmuh,hm,uh

Be uhless, hm, 3, hm,uh

Y hard n long, wt? Js be human? Uh,hm,uh,y,uh, more? Uh,hm,uh

Wkhmuh,hm,no

Reg n fn n no

Hmuhjm

Y there hurt bye tg uh

Insomnia n verbal diarrhea uhehuhok 6

Okhmwood, nt bd, clap uh,okhmuhhmuh no. Wt is writing idk uh, released? Uhkhmuh,hm,uh, hmuh, hmuh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh,hm,uh, hm,uh hm uh, qs, uh, hm,uh, aspects, hm. Mybe b uh. Cd n feel like nt subtle js bittest v more feel? Hmuh* uh edt. Hmuh

Gee ow dg okhmuh. Mxd uh. Cnfsd. They m cmmct js hurt. Uh. F prf nt hlp uh, act lk boss. Ur nt ht

Dr no psy,uh,hmuh,hm

Penis n appl piez hm, nt previeew, js trailer? Uh,yike,uh,hw understand,uh,uh,

0 notes

misunhye · 3 months

Text

THE KANG-AHN FAMILY TREE

as of january 23, 2024

LEFT TO RIGHT Kang Misun, Kang Sumin, Ahn Jaesun, Ahn Jiho, Ahn Jaesuk, Kim Moonsun, Kang Wonhae, and Shin Yejin.

tw grooming, infidelity, power imbalance, illegal relationship, age gap, brief mention of miscarriage

In 1992, Kang Sumin was a freshly debuted idol when she met Ahn Jaesun. She was sixteen and he was twenty-three. He was one of YG’s music producers. In 1994, she was eighteen and pregnant with Ahn Jaesun’s first child. Shortly after, her pregnancy was announced and netizens were appalled that she was unwed and a teen mother.

This did not deter her. She wanted to continue her career as an idol, and she wouldn’t stop until she was able to. She went to far as to sending her newborn son, Ahn Jiho, to Texas with her parents. When YG dismissed her, putting her on an indefinite hiatus, she went back to Jaesun, leaving Jiho in Texas.

Sumin’s second son, Ahn Jaesuk, was born in 1997, and he, too, was sent to Texas.

Two years after Jaesuk’s birth in 1999, it was announced she’d be making a comeback. In a drunken high, she had an affair with one of her backup dancers.

One year later in 2000, she gave birth to her first daughter and final child, Kang Sunhye.

In 2009, it was widely accused across South Korea that Sumin’s daughter was the result of her affair and that her biological father being one of Sumin’s backup dancers. Anything she had left of a career was killed. Sumin and Jaesun battled in court over custody over their children, Jaesun even having Sunhye take a DNA test. The media was right, Sumin had an affair and it resulted in Sunhye. The court would rule in Sumin’s favor, saying a child should never be without their mother.

In 2011, Sumin and Jaesun divorced and their three children lived with Sumin, having visits to Jaesun ever so often until they all turned nineteen.

It is noted that Sumin and her children, especially her daughter, do not have the best relationship.

The rest of Sumin’s future is incomplete.

BIRTH NAME Kang Sumin

BIRTHDAY November 29, 1976

OCCUPATION Idol formerly Unemployed currently

FACECLAIM Yunjin Kim

Ahn Jaesun married eighteen-year-old pregnant Kang Sumin when he was twenty-five. As he worked at YG as one of their music producers, he met sweet Kang Sumin when she debuted. While he was overjoyed at their children’s birth, he noticed she wasn’t. He wanted their children to live with them, but her word was final.

Jaesun filed for divorce in 2009 and fought for custody over all three of his children— DNA be damned. The cases took two years to come to a ruling. When the court ruled in Sumin’s favor in 2011, giving him only a few visits per year, he was devastated and dived headfirst into his work. This in turn slightly damaged his relationships with his children but constantly tries to make up for it ever since 2019.

He is one of YG’s best producers, his most prominent works being for 2NE1, Big Bang, and Epik High. When his sons individually turned nineteen, they lived with him until they got settled on their feet. Misun was an idol by the time she turned nineteen.

In October 2019, he met model and crowned Miss Korea 2015 Shin Yejin, who was twenty-seven at the time. A month later in November, they were dating. They have been dating ever since, and many question when he will propose to her.

It is noted that even though he is constantly trying to be a better father, his children and him have a strained relationship.

The rest of Jaesun’s future is incomplete.

BIRTH NAME Ahn Jaesun

BIRTHDAY March 7, 1969

OCCUPATION Music producer currently

FACECLAIM Choi Wonyoung

Ahn Jiho is an actor and got his popularity from Reply 1988 in 2015. As a child, it was very obvious to him that he was the odd man out in the family. He was the only one to not go into music, his name wasn’t close to either of his parents’ like Sunhye and Jaesuk’s were. He felt rather ignored in the family, and that’s what he was. His father loved him, but he loved work and Sumin more.

Jiho was closed off from his siblings, preferring to be in his room alone. If he had the choice of riding home in the car with his family or walking home in the rain, he’d choose walking in the rain. He had a warped impression of them, thinking they thought he was strange for not liking the same things they all did.

Jiho was always interested in film and literature, finding the universes people could create fascinating. He found that while he couldn’t write a story for anything, he was rather strangely good at lying. The thought unsettled him, but he was determined to be apart of people’s versions of their favorite character. He put the lying to use, being in theater in school and begging his grandparents to put him in acting classes.

When his mother’s affair was revealed, he was relieved but then distraught. His mother had made a mistake, she wasn’t one of them. But Misun wasn’t one of them, either— not completely, anyway. Yet she also was one of them. And he wasn’t.

His first major acting role was in Reply 1988 as Jang Minki. His popularity and fans quickly grew, earning him more offered roles. He has won Best New Actor and Best Supporting Actor for his role in Reply 1988.

He has since starred in notable shows like While You Were Sleeping, Squid Games, Sweet Home, and recently known for his role as the main male lead in My Demon. He is currently filming for the American horror movie, The Name Game.

It is noted that Jiho is not as close to Misun as Jaesuk is, but he’s also not close to Jaesuk. Jiho thinks of himself as the black sheep in the family and avoids them.

BIRTH NAME Ahn Jiho

BIRTHDAY September 2, 1995

OCCUPATION Actor currently

FACECLAIM Yoon Dowoon

Ahn Jaesuk is a songwriter and has most likely taken part in writing the lyrics to your favorite song. He has notable achievements for both Korean and American music, such as multiple SHINee and The Weeknd and Harry Styles songs.

As the middle child, he’s always tried to maintain a balance with his siblings and parents and grandparents. He hated conflict, and always tried to avoid it. He tried protecting Misun as best as he could, until he could no longer bare Misun hurt at the hands of Sumin. He was rather relieved when Sumin’s affair was revealed and their parents were divorced, but never once thought differently of Misun.

Long before their divorce, he was twelve when he realized his parents weren’t the parents you see in movies. He was hurt, and angry, but soon that turned into emptiness. It was more of an expectation than anything. He felt nothing when they divorced.

Jaesuk started his career in 2018 with his father at YG Entertainment, his relationship to his father being a helping hand. He has since wrote songs for BLACKPINK, Big Bang, Winner, and TREASURE. He has also wrote songs for other groups such as SHINee, NCT, aespa, TXT, IVE, and more.

It is noted that Jaesuk and Misun are the closest within the family, as their other family are all estranged to one another.

BIRTH NAME Ahn Jaesuk

BIRTHDAY April 9, 1997

OCCUPATION Songwriter currently

FACECLAIM Yoo Taeyang

Kim Sunhee, better known as Moonsun, is a retired South Korean soprano opera actress. When she was twenty-one, she met Kang Wonhae and would later marry him in 1973. Three years later, after multiple attempts to have a child and having two miscarriages, she had her daughter, Sumin.

After having not slept for six days with various attempts to hurt herself or Sumin with Wonhae stopping her, she checked herself into a mental hospital where she was soon diagnosed with postpartum depression. She went on a three year hiatus with her career in order to get better and take care of her daughter. However, as she got back into her career, her relationship with her daughter worsened as she was always busy.

Sunhee is part of the reason Sumin was able to debut and have a comeback after her hiatus, as she knows ‘important people’. She was disappointed when she got pregnant the first time, swearing to cut her off but never did. She never understood why Sumin kept doing it to herself.

It feels like Sumin’s children are more of her own, especially considering she was the one who raised them. She has a strange, polite relationship with Jiho, a relationship where she knows she can trust Jaesuk, and Misun is the baby of the family. She’s much more coddled than the other two as she’s the youngest and only girl.

Besides a three year long hiatus, Sunhee is well known to older citizens for her voice and variety personality.

It is noted that Sunhee and Misun had a good relationship, but lately Misun’s backed away due to some realizations.

BIRTH NAME Kim Sunhee

BIRTHDAY November 1, 1950

OCCUPATION Opera Singer formerly

FACECLAIM Nam Giae

Kang Wonhae is a retired piano and music teacher. He met Kim Sunhee while teaching her youngest sister how to play the piano, and they would soon marry and have a daughter, Sumin.

Wonhae was disappointed Sumin had a child early, but he was the reason Sunhee never kicked her out or cut her off financially. He was the one who took care of his grandchildren first, he was the second person to hold Misun. He was polite with Ahn Jaesun, took him in like a son.

Wonhae always tried to involve Jiho, but he would always refuse. He’d always calm Sunhee down when she got too angry, but sometimes things were so damning, he’d lose his mind. Wonhae willingly took Jaesuk to his ball games, and was always there for each one. He encouraged Misun to audition for entertainment companies.

In 2002, he would retire early from his job as a teacher to focus taking care of his grandchildren. When they would move in with their mother after the divorce, he would soon pick up piano again and play the piano for their church.

It is noted that there is no dislike between Wonhae and Misun. She knows he is there for her.

BIRTH NAME Kang Wonhae

BIRTHDAY July 19, 1950

OCCUPATION Piano teacher formerly Music teacher formerly

FACECLAIM Kim Sunhee

Shin Yejin is a model and was crowned Miss Korea 2015. In 2019, she was twenty-seven when she met fifty-year-old Ahn Jaesun. He would ask her out and by the next month, they were dating.

Not much is known about Shin Yejin. She has been on the cover of Vogue Korea, W Korea, and more. She was one of the female love interest in Big Bang’s Let’s Not Fall In Love music video.

It is noted that Misun and Yejin don’t have much of a relationship, due to her busy schedule. Yejin tries to have a relationship, though.

BIRTH NAME Shin Yejin

BIRTHDAY February 26, 1992

OCCUPATION Model currently

FACECLAIM Jo Jihyun

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misunhye · 4 months

Note

29. felt a rage so strong that it scared them.

Misun is used to the insults, the slut shaming, demanding for her to leave the group. She has been subjected to it ever since she was revealed as a member of NCT. She can take it.

What she can’t take is her members in her place.

It’s 2020, and NCT Dream are in the middle of Ridin’ promotions. She’s glad to be near her members again after the pandemic, but she wishes Mark was with them. It’s gotten easier, but she never thinks she’ll get used to wanting to tell Mark something and turning to the space where he’d be, only to find him not there.

She doesn’t want to think about how she’ll feel at the end of the year, when 00 line, including her, will leave Chenle and Jisung. She has NCT XS, but it’s not the same, no matter what she says to the fans. It’s always been them, even before debut.

They’re at a radio show, and Misun is well aware of the rumors circulating social media. Twitter is a shit show, and Jaemin has had to pry her phone from her hands multiple times now. He doesn’t even look himself, but she can’t help it. She’s used to talking to fans constantly, but this makes her want to hide away— something she hasn’t done since 2018. It’s not even about her, this time.

A comment catches her eye when Jeno is talking, and she prepares herself for what she knows the comment will say.

Na Jaemin, how could you do this? You’ve ruined it for your members, are you happy?

Her eye twitches. There’s an unfamiliar burning pit in her chest and she doesn’t like it. The unknown always scared her. She can feel her fist tightening at her side, staring at the screen even though the comment is long gone by now. Her brows are pulled down, jaw clenching. A moment later, her expression relaxes as she looks away from the screen to Haechan, who is now speaking.

Jaemin’s hand is resting on her knee, underneath the table where the camera can’t see. His warm palm on her exposed knee through her ripped blue jeans, patting once before moving back to his side. He hasn’t spoken besides greeting the staff and fans. She doesn’t like how he’s making himself small, staying quiet and letting the others speak. She remembers how she felt the first time she read netizens’ comments, how she felt. He doesn’t deserve to feel the same way she does.

Misun’s eyes dart to Jaemin, who sits on her left, quietly watching the others converse. Her eyes roam his face, searching for anything that says he saw any bad comments, but his eyes are solely on his members or the MCs. She looks back to the screen displaying comments.

A few comments catch her eye, talking about how Jaemin betrayed the fans. It reminds her of certain fans of hers, ones that think she belongs to them. The comments telling him to leave and unburden the members, she remembers. She gets those comments constantly.

If they were really fans, they’d never say things like that. They’d truly care that they were loved, and that would be all that matters. Apparently, that is not true. She had realized that long ago, and it still made her angry each time.

The boldness of the fans makes her angry. They can be upset all they want, they can turn on them all they want for not conforming to their desires, but she wishes they’d do it in secrecy. They don’t understand that idols are people, too, and they deserve to experience everything normal citizens do, too.

Jaemin is the least deserving of all for their hatred and bitterness, not when he is always wishing well on fans, talking to them constantly, giving them his all time and time again. Why can’t they see that?

Misun wants to say something. She always does, but SM keeps a tight grip on her strings. They tighten with each thing she does wrong, or even with things she does right, forcing her further into the shape they conformed her into. She doesn’t like feeling stuck, but she’s stuck in this.

She’s afraid of her giving into her anger. She doesn’t like the person she is when she’s angry. It’s not her.

Jaemin’s hand finds hers again, settling on top of it under the table. She flips her hand over, intertwining their fingers. She squeezes his hand three times.

Are you OK?

Jaemin squeezes back twice.

No.

His head turns to look her in the eye, a small, reassuring smile that doesn’t reach his eyes on his face. She blinks and all she can hear is white noise, her members’ voices combing into one in the background.

She wants nothing more to tell people off, hurt them the way they’re hurting Jaemin. They can hurt her. She can take it. Just not them.

He squeezes her hand again, bringing her back to reality. Her vision clears, focusing on Jaemin who’s looking at her in recognition. His thumb runs over her knuckles before they turn back to the cameras.

Misun hates how she lets it go so easily. And that makes her the most angriest of it all.

51 notes · View notes

misunhye · 3 months

Text

Stay Soft, Get Eaten

characters kang sunhye (misun), kang sumin … brief appearances of nct dream, very brief mentions of misun’s family

words 2.3k

warnings physical abuse (cigarette burn), gaslighting, love bombing? brief mention of sexual favors

A burnt child love the fire.

“‘Mom’ is calling,” Siri announces to the practice room.

Misun’s head doesn’t lift until Renjun nudges her in the arm, not expecting it to be her mother calling her. She looks around as Siri repeats the notification, everyone looking back at her. She hesitates, eyes darting to find Jaemin before she realizes. Right. He’s at home, resting. When he should be here, a voice bitterly reminds her. She swallows roughly, mouth feeling dry as she looks towards the choreographer who nods shortly, and she stands up, hurriedly answering the phone before it could end. She feels the heavy stares of the boys on her back as she steps into the corner. She’d rather leave, but she feels it’s too disrespectful.

“Hello?” Misun answers as the others busy themselves to give her privacy. She’s surprised her mother is calling her at … She pulls the phone from her ear to check the time. Nine in the morning. She probably hasn’t even gone to sleep yet. But she’s hopeful that maybe she’s calling for a good thing— something happy. “What’s wrong?”

“Why do you always assume something is wrong when I call you?” is her mother’s instant scoff, making Misun’s lips press together tightly at how she’s starting already. Not even thirty seconds into the call. She catches herself before she can sigh out loud. That’d set her off even more.

“I don’t know,” is all she can offer pathetically. No matter how much she wants to bite back, she can’t. She wants to stand up to her, but she can’t. She always feels sorry for both her mother and herself aftwards. She shuffles in her spot, neck hunched over as she stares down at her shoes. She can almost feel her mother’s piercing stare through the phone. It makes her feel ashamed. She then says, “I’m sorry.”

Her mother hums, “OK. Now, the reason I was calling you … Oh, right! Have you gone on Naver? There’s a lot of posts about you on there. Oh, isn’t this exciting?” Her mother gushes, words slurring. Misun does sigh out loud this time. Her mother doesn’t catch it. “My baby’s famous, just like her mother! Guess it does run in the family, huh.”

Just like the rest of the family, Misun wants to correct her. Not just her.

“What does it say?” Misun asks instead, knowing that the truth wouldn’t be good for her. She’s already been told by everyone she knew to not go on social media. She’s done alright on only going on her phone to text and call people, even deleting her social media apps. But she can’t help but want to kill the curiosity.

Her mother is glad to tell her, “Oh, just that I paid your way into SM. Can you believe that? They think I’m rich enough to pay SM! Isn’t that amazing?” Her mother proceeds to go on and on about something that Misun can only pretend to listen to, but the choreographer is staring at her from the corner of his eye and she’s starting to feel squeamish.

“Mom,” she starts off, trying to cut her off so she’ll let her talk, but she doesn’t, still babbling about how some guy offered her a slushie from 7-11 for a— “What? Mom, please tell me you said no.” Her brain shortcuts, completely forgetting her previous intention. It’s only now that Misun realizes her mom isn’t sober. She wishes this was the first time.

“It was a really good slushie,” her mother giggles like a little girl.

Mortified, she looks back to everyone else, hoping they couldn’t hear any of that, “For your sake, and mine, I hope you’re joking. I’m in the middle of practice, I’ll call you back later.” No, she won’t.

“Oh, practice! Wow. I remember dance practice, eyes were on me all the time, everyone in sync with m—”

Misun quickly ends the call at another side-eye from both the choreographer and her manager, “I’m sorry,” she bows deeply to both of them, “Sorry.” She turns her ringer off and throws it in the direction of their bags and jackets.

She’s not too worried about her mother being upset she hung up, she knows she’ll only realize it in ten minutes when she finally stops to take a breath.

Misun didn’t know why she still tried. Her brothers have long given up, way before her parents even got a divorce. Her dad would rather drop dead than crawl back to her mother. Her grandmother has certainly given up, but not her grandfather— no, he has a heart too big for his soul to keep. They’re the only ones who still try.

She quickly gathered her things, hoping that no one recognized her in the cafe, even with her hoodie and face mask on. She threw her full coffee cup in the trash, walking out the cafe as normal as possible, not wanting to attract any attention.

As soon as she got across to the other street where the subway is, she stubbornly wiped her eyes. She doesn’t even like coffee.

It’s a week later when there’s a knock on the front door when she’s in the living room, waiting for some of the others to come back with Jisung and Jeno in their rooms. She looks back and forth between the front door and Jeno’s room, waiting for someone to yell out that it was one of the boys. No one did. She hesitantly pushes herself off the couch, looking into the peep hole and sighing once she realizes who was standing at the door— her mother was dressed properly, wearing a nice purple dress and a blazer with heels Misun was sure she’d trip if she ever wore. Her tired eyes are a sign that she’s slowly coming down from a high.

That is how she’s in this position, right now.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” her mother is squeezing her so tightly in her arms she thinks she’s about to pass out from lack of oxygen. She pats her mom on the back, each smack getting harder until she lets her go. “Oh, sorry.”

Misun sighs, casting a look back to the hallway nervously. She really doesn’t want any of her members to come back and see her mom, not wanting to have to deal with it after. All of them except Renjun and Chenle have met her already, of course, never on purpose. She doesn’t really talk about her family to them, always talking about her brother, Jaesuk. It’s never “my mom, my dad,” it’s always, “My brother, Jaesuk.” They just assumed they were really close.

“What are you doing here, mom?” She remembers to phrase her question correctly, hoping it wouldn’t set her off or anything.

“I realized I completely forgot about our little coffee date the other day!” Her mother sighs, cupping her cheek in her hand before squeezing roughly, making her wince in pain. She didn’t mean it, though. “How could I forget about my gorgeous daughter? Ugh! My mind, you know, it completely escapes me sometimes, baby. I’m sorry.”

Grasping at her mother’s hand, she pushes it off lightly, “Right. Yeah, it’s OK, mom. We can always reschedule.” So you can forget about that one, too, Misun remarks to herself.

“Oh, alright, but seriously, you must’ve been so disappointed waiting for me,” her mother pouts and Misun refrains from making a face at her. She’s far too old now for all of that. “Next time I ever do something like that, pinch me! Throw something at me, I don’t know.”

Misun doesn’t know how to respond to that, so she kind of stares at her dumbly and blinks. “OK. Um. I’m good, kinda used to it so, no worries there. Uh,” she wants to die. This is so awkward. What does she say? “Do you want something to eat?” It’s only after she says it does she realize they have no food and Jaemin, Renjun, and Chenle are at the store for that very reason. She hopes she says no.

“Wha—what do you mean?” Her mother seems so genuinely confused, stopping her from standing up. “Used to it?”

Misun avoids her eyes, huffing lightly as she looks around the living room. She wishes she knew she was coming, she’d have cleaned up. She wishes she had a sixth sense about her mother in general. That would’ve helped. “Like, it’s happened before, you know …” She should stop talking. Definitely stop talking right now. But she wants to talk about it. How will she ever ‘work through her problems’ like SM’s counselor (who she was sure wasn’t a licensed counselor) said?

“I mean, don’t you remember?” Misun asks before she can think too much more about it, and her mother’s silence makes her second guess herself. “I—I just …” She sighs, staring down at her feet, “My twelfth birthday? It was my first birthday as a trainee and … my friends wanted me to bring them home so they could meet you. But I didn’t want them to because …” She stops. “You remember, right?”

“What are you talking about?” Her mother’s voice is different, now calm and collected. It makes her even more nervous. She still doesn’t look at her. Sometimes, she swears her stare that could turn you to stone. “I have no idea what you're saying.”

“I didn’t bring them home, I just told them I’d have you come to the company. And you know what, when I walked home after practice, I started to actually get really excited about it the more I thought about it, ‘cause it was one of those times when you were the ‘you’ that came home and acted like an actual mom,” she laughs nervously, playing with a string from her jeans. “I thought, maybe if I’m extra nice and sweet when I get home, she’ll come. I came home, I asked, you said yes with this big smile on your face and I thought I must be doing a good thing— making you happy.” She manages to get through it without stuttering or pausing to take a breath. She wants to look up, but she’s scared. “I told them that you said you’d come during one of our breaks. I waited, each break, staring at that door … You never walked in.” She can feel her nose begin to sting as her vision gets blurry. She sucks in a breath, almost hiccuping but she quickly calms her breath doing, making a harsh sound. “I just … it’s not the first time, mom.”

She can hear her rummaging in her purse and Misun can already feel her head starting to throb. There’s the flick of a lighter and Misun closes her eyes in regret. Why couldn’t she just keep quiet? She should’ve never brought it up. This was on her.

She sniffs, smelling the smoke first before hearing her mother take a slow drag. Three seconds later, she lets go and coughs lightly.

“I always knew you had an imaginative mind,” Sumin nods to herself, a faraway look in her eyes. “But I never imagined it’d take you this far, Sunhye.” Misun blinks rapidly, trying to prepare herself for what comes next— what always comes next. “I am your mother, I gave you life, I raised you, I love and support you …”

“Mom,” she grabs her knee lightly, “Please. Some members are still here. Don’t …” She stops herself before she can make it any worse. It happened, didn’t it? She knows it did.

No matter what Misun says or does, her mother always take it in the worst way.

“I would never hurt you,” her mother sighs. And she genuinely believes her words. That stabs even deeper than any knife could. “Nothing like that ever happened, baby. You must’ve seen it in a show or something.”

“No, I—I,” she shakes her head, brows furrowing, distinctly remembering it. She swallowed, trying to rack her brain for someone who could prove it. But who would remember something like that? The tree would.

The heat of the cigarette’s cherry gets a taste of her skin, and she jerkily tries pulling away, but her mother grabs her hand and forces it to her knee. Her grip is like steel, and Misun just can’t fathom how strong she is, even as she loses weight. The familiar smell of burning flesh flows through the air and she uses all her body’s weight to throw herself to the opposite side of the couch.

She clutches her stinging hand, cradling it to her chest like a baby. Tears brim at her eyes, and she tries her hardest to not let them fall. This was her mother’s favorite way to ‘teach her a lesson’, but it’s also the one she’s done the least. Maybe only five or six times before. Never long enough to leave a scar, but long enough to hurt.

Her eyes closed tightly, ducking her head as her mother put her cigarette back in its pack. She gets up, bends down and presses a kiss to her head softly. “I love you, Sunny.” She taps her lovingly with her finger on her head, meant to be teasing and a familiar comforting feeling. It just made her shiver in disgust and fear. If her mother noticed, she didn’t say anything. She doubted she did.

When the rest of the boys return, and Jeno and Jisung stagger out of their rooms with sleep in their eyes, Misun’s curled up on the recliner in the corner of the living room, a blanket covering her body. Her hand is now covered in a bandage and still stings, but she’s hoping the Tylenol she took will kick in soon.

Renjun’s nose scrunches up in disgust as he puts the groceries on the floor, narrowly avoiding Jisung in the crowded kitchen that is much too small for five growing children. “Who was smoking?”

Misun never learns.

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misunhye · 3 months

Note

blushed!!

BLUSHED … a scene from my muse's past in which they received a compliment that really got to them.

2018

Misun waved goodbye to a fan, smiling at her before her attention is caught by the next fan. The fan is smiling shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she sits in front of her across the table. Despite the noise surrounding them, Misun’s attention is completely on her. In the back of her head, the fan is familiar but she pushed that to the side for now.

“Hi,” she smiled, grabbing the marker and quickly glancing down at the album to sign her name before looking back up and making eye contact. The fan rapidly blinked at the amount of eye contact, covering her face shyly as Misun laughed, “Don’t be shy …” She tilted her head, staring at her before it finally clicked. “Hey, wait! I remember you. You were here last time!”

The girl’s cheeks flushed red, “You remember me?” At Misun’s nod, she groaned lowly, “Oh, God.”

“No, don’t worry! You’re so cute,” she giggled, flipping to the next page in the album. “You were telling me last time about your crush … What was her name, again? Jia?”

The fan smiled, “Close. Jiyoon. And I’m Hyeri.” The fan then continued to tell Misun about how they were studying and got close to kissing before someone interrupted them, Misun listening intently and not taking her eyes off of her except to quickly write down her answer to her question on the page.

Both girls notice the line was moving, Hyeri frowning before she said, “Misun, before I go… I think this is the last time I’ll be able to see you for awhile. I have exams soon.”

Misun frowned, too, “Ugh, school … Don’t worry about it, keep up with your studies! Unlike me.” The girls shared a giggle before Hyeri looked around hesitantly. “What’s wrong?”

Hyeri looked shy again, feeling her red cheeks, “Ah … this is a bit embarrassing to say but … Misun, I feel really comfortable with you. We don’t even know each other but I feel like I do— talking to you, even briefly, is like .. being at home. Comfortable and safe. Like you’re really my friend and I can tell you whatever.”

Misun’s heart stopped for a moment, mouth falling open a little bit. Her chest felt warms, the feeling spreading across her entire body and her vision starts to blur slightly. She doesn’t notice she has yet to reply when Hyeri said in concern, “Misun? Oh, no, are you OK?” She started to look around frantically.

Before Hyeri can get anyone’s attention, she grabbed her hands, shaking her head, “No, no! I’m OK, I just … That’s the first time anyone’s said anything like that to me.” It was true. With her members, it was very clear that they were all comfortable around one another— it didn’t need to be said. But for Misun, she needed it to be said.

It was sad that after eighteen years of living, she was finally complimented on something that wasn’t her talent or appearance.

Hyeri looked confused, and Misun cursed herself in her head once she realizes what she said and she tries to fix it before she can dig any deeper, “Ah, I mean, like a fan. First time a fan’s said that to me.” She waved her hand, breathing in deeply and squeezing Hyeri’s hand. “Hyeri, I really appreciate that. I want to be someone you can turn to when you need me. Thank you.” She looked into her eyes unwaveringly so she knows how thankful she is.

Hyeri nodded slowly, accepting her words for the truth before smiling, “Thank you for listening to me and giving me advice for my crush. I’ll see you in the future, I promise.”

“Don’t push yourself,” Misun warned, squeezing her hand one last time, “Be careful. You and your health is more important than school.”

“As long as you do the same,” Hyeri said as she stood, collecting her album, “You need to know that you come first before anything else.”

Misun doesn’t have a chance to respond as the line moved again, and a new fan replaced Hyeri in front of her. She blinked, watching as Hyeri greets Taeil happily. Her hand froze on top of her chest where her heart is, feeling the muscle contract as she rethought their conversation.

She doesn’t think Hyeri will ever understand how much her words meant to her. She also doesn’t think she’ll ever forget those words, either.

She managed to tear her eyes away from Hyeri, turning to the next fan with a smile, repeating the same process as before, “Hi. What’s your name?”

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misunhye · 3 months

Text

MISUN HAS OPENED UP A PRIVATE INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT FOR FRIENDS ONLY.

REQUEST TO FOLLOW?

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misunhye · 5 months

Text

MISUN WITH NCT DREAM

word count 250+ each

note if you have anything you want to request for misun, please let me know!! <3

Mark. [ Marksun …? ]

Embarrassingly enough, Mark was one of her first hardcore crushes. The two met when Misun joined SM a few months after he did, and even though he definitely knew who she was when another trainee introduced her to him by saying “You know Kang Sumin’s affair daughter?” to him, he didn’t treat her badly. And, so, of course; she was twelve—thirteen years-old at the time and fell in love with anyone that gave her the slightest bit of attention. Yet, because she was this pre-teen girl, she dealt with her crush by making fun of him and acting like she hated him. Eventually, she grew out of the crush and started viewing Mark more as an older brother. She apologized for her actions, but never explained why she said those things, so everyone else thought it was because of jealousy. Ever since, she’s always looked up to him for advice, even though he was only a year older than her and he joined SM a few months before her. She always gets his opinion before deciding on anything regarding her career. She likes to make fun of him, similar to an actual sibling relationship, finding his reaction too funny not to. But she really does hold a lot of respect for him, debuting so young and already being looked up to as a leader, she knew it must be hard. She tries her best to be there for him, but she knows he likes to hold the weight of the entire world on his shoulders before handing it off to anyone else. She’s always looking for his approval 1/2. The first time anyone ever saw her cry, including NCT, was during Mark’s graduation speech. Misun is the little sister he never thought he needed.

Renjun. [ Minjun / Sunjun ..? ]

Misun is literally the founder of the I Love Renjun club; she was the first trainee he ever met. She can and will fight Haechan for his affection, and unfortunately for Haechan, most of the time, she gets it. Even if it’s in the most subtle ways; placing a hand on her knee or arm, grabbing her hand and squeezing briefly. These two are such conspiracy theorists, it’s crazy. She introduced him to Buzzfeed Unsolved when it first came out and every new episode, they’d watch. Now that it’s over, she sends him TikToks of conspiracy theories. My favorite delusionals. At first, Renjun thought they wouldn’t get along but after seeing how much interests they shared, it’s no wonder. It’s often thought that she’s the one chasing after him, but really, it’s definitely the opposite. He doesn’t usually dote on her but she’s the only one he’ll mostly allow to dote on him. He’ll bat her affection away but then beg for it a few seconds later once she starts paying attention to someone else. He’s just too shy to outright say he wants her attention. They’re always on the same wavelength, often thinking of the same thing and saying it at the same time. They, and NCTzens, genuinely believe they have a connection and can read each other’s minds. She can always go to him to put her in place when she’s acting up or being too delusional. She can also always go to him to help her with ideas for other members, like birthday gifts, etc. He always defends her when another member says something (lightheartedly) to her, and most definitely does when an anti is being an anti. Sunshine and sunshine protector.

Jeno. [ Jensun ]

Misun was so shy around him 1/2. She found him to be cute, and very quiet— not unusually, since she always was, but she’d literally never speak in front of him. He was shy, too, so he’d never talk to her, either, even though he was curious about her. It was just like a celebrity crush, because they weren’t very close at first. She got nervous when she realized she’d have to interact with him when they’d debut, and Haechan forced her to talk to Jeno. She has never regretted it. He’s usually one of the first to scold her because he’s literally the only one she always listens to when she’s acting up. He’s so doting on her, you’d think he was way older than her. There are so many compilations of Nomin being her bodyguards/parents. Probably the only member that will willingly go out with her whenever without complaints because she never asks Jaemin and she also knows he can rarely ever say no to her 1/2. She likes to use it to her advantage. She can always count on Jeno to be there for her when she needs him, and vice versa. He’s the protective brother, but he’s also the cool one. He lets her do her own thing, while also somehow protecting her subtly. Neither usually don’t speak out a lot against strangers but they are literally the meme “He asked for no pickles” for each other. He always encourages her to do things but never pushes. He has only ever been disappointed in her once, and she wishes she could forget all about it or go back in time and do it over again. She’s always looking for his approval 2/2.

Haechan. [ Haesun / Sunhyuck …? ]

These two are … literally chaotic. They’re the evil duo. When you see them together, run. They’re so hot and cold it’s funny. One second they’re playfully or for real arguing, the next they're acting like nothing happened. Their relationship was not like this at the start, the two clashed harshly and Misun was actually jealous of him because she thought he was just so good at everything and was so cocky about it. He thought the same but that she was so effortlessly good at everything (in his eyes). It was bad, neither could be in the same room together for years. It took Mark and Johnny forcing them in a closet together and locking the door for them to talk their rivalry out. However, neither of the older two knew that Misun was claustrophobic. It really took Haechan to calm her down for both to realize that maybe they should put their rivalry aside. Their relationship is barely ever serious besides when it’s called for. Surprisingly, sometimes he gives her good advice (even if she doesn’t ask for it). Admittedly, he brings the best and worst out of her. Haechan is the one who brought her out of her shell during their trainee days, making her make friends with the others. He pushes her to do things she’d never usually do in public but also knows when to stop. Like with all the other members, he ‘flirts’ with her (not during debut, never, but later in the years … yeah) and she responds with an insult or deflects. There was one time she blushed at his words and he (nor do NCTzens because it was on camera!) never lets her forget it.

Jaemin. [ Jaemsun / Jaemhye …? ]

Misun was so shy around him 2/2. She honestly thought he was an angel sent to Earth. (He is. He’s her guardian angel.) She would stutter when he talked to her, because he always tried to get to know her more. He eventually broke through her wall and … wow. Immediately best friends, they made everyone else so jealous of how well they got along and quickly. They understand each other way too much, they’re so similar it’s actually kind of scary. They never have to talk, they can just chill by each other in silence, doing their own thing and they’re fine with that. She goes to him the most for advice for the more personal things and he listens. He’s helped her so much in healing and her personal family problems. It literally crushed her when he went on hiatus and hates remembering memories from that time when NCT Dream weren’t complete. They were also each other’s first kiss because neither of them had kissed anyone and wanted to know what it was like. There was a period of time when they crushed on each other at the same time but missed anything real happening because they knew they’d be better off as friends and didn’t want to ruin anything. They don’t talk about it, but they know, and it’s kind of like a “what if?” He is literally so whipped by her. He spoils the crap out of her, literally like a sugar daddy. Despite them being only months apart, he acts like an older brother and is always taking care of her. He makes sure she’s ate, slept well, hydrated, etc. He can rarely say no to her 2/2. They are literally the embodiment of twin flames.

Chenle. [ Sunle …? ]

The number one pain in her ass. He’s another member that she didn’t like immediately, thinking he thought too highly of himself due to him already technically being famous before joining SM. He didn’t really hate her back, he just acted like he did because she did. She was genuinely so hard for him to understand, and eventually, he thought he did come to an understanding of her character. These two are constantly arguing, NCTzens would be concerned they actually hate each other, but from their actions, they know they don’t. Chenle just likes to get on her nerves, even more than Haechan does. He’s like a kid who is mean to his crush and pulls on her pigtails. They are literally the Tom and Jerry of NCT. He’s the actual devil, she likes to think, but she’s seen him when he thinks no one is looking. He likes to act like he’s older, and very rarely ever calls her noona; not that she really cares. He loves the game “Yaja Time” and uses it to his advantage, even though it’s really no different from their usual since they’ve dropped all formalities. They are never affectionate with each other on camera, it’s always awkward brushing of skin and snatching their hands away like they just got burned. The reason they got past their ‘hatred’ was because of Jisung. If she wanted Jisung, she had to have Chenle. If he wanted Jisung, he had to have Misun. Now, they can’t ever remember a time when they were apart and don’t know why they would want to be ever again.

Jisung. [ Sunsung / Minsung ]

Her angel. She took an immediate liking to him when they first met, thinking he was so adorable. If she was bad at his age, he was even worse. She convinced him to see her as just a friend, not an older sister, because she knew both of them needed some. They’ve seen each other at their worst and best, despite the age difference. He called her noona when they first met, but he’s dropped all formalities early on in their friendship and only really began doing it again for their debut and then stopped again. She likes to take him to fun places like the arcade and ice skating and other things so she can heal his childhood self. She pretends like she’s begging him to go because she wants to, but really, it’s for him. Neither really had a childhood due to debuting so young. Jisung always reminds her that her childhood was taken, too, way before his ever was because of her family problems. He reminds her it’s OK to be a kid every once in awhile. She is his number one hypewoman, she loves everything he does. She tells him almost everything, and they both calm each other down when they get too into the “what if?” scenarios. A hug from him, and all her problems are gone. They’re each other’s protector. She’s one of the only ones to rarely baby him, but when she does, he knows it’s just her way of showing she cares because she does it to the other members, too. He probably takes care of her more than she does him, weirdly. He takes a special pride in being her protector.

masterlist.

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misunhye · 4 months

Note

27 for the most recent ask game :)

27. felt afraid even though they had no reason to be.

The cage is open. You can walk out anytime you want. Why are you still in there?

tw brief hint to physical abuse

As per usual, when the room is full of NCT members, it’s loud. She’s too far into her career to not be used to it, but she still hates it. She supposes it’s expected when there’s so many people in one room. She touches Taeil on the arm, briefly letting him know that she’s taking a step outside before making her way towards the doors. It’s spring in Seoul, but a chill breeze makes her shiver, wrapping her arms around herself.

It’s much more quiet, the noise inside dulling until the door opens once again moments later. She turns her head, seeing Jungwoo step outside and closing the door behind him.

“Hey, stranger,” he greets, smiling brightly. She smiles back, taking a step further away from the door so he’d have room to stand next to her. “What are you doing out here all by yourself?” He looks around, frowning at her. “It’s not safe.”

“I’m just out here for a second,” Misun reassures him. “It’s kind of stuffy and noisy in there.”

“Yeah,” he nods, “I get what you’re saying.” He glances around, “Oh, do you mind if I—” He holds up his pack of cigarettes and a lighter and she blinks at him, barely registering his question until a moment later.

“Oh, yeah, go ahead,” she tells him, waving her hand dismissively, “My mother used to smoke all the time.”

Jungwoo pauses, glancing up at her under his eyelashes to gauge her reaction. Misun never brings up her mother, it’s an agreement that all of NCT came to in 2018 that they’d never bring up her mother to her face. “Yeah? Smoking’s bad for you.”

“I don’t smoke,” she giggles, “She pretty much turned it off for me.” I don’t want to be like her, she adds in her mind as her hand subconsciously finds its way to her left wrist, thumb smoothing over it.

“Good,” Jungwoo takes out a cigarette, putting a hand to cover around it as he flicks the lighter.

Misun can’t explain the feeling that takes over her body the moment she hears the flick of the lighter. Her body tenses, fists clenching at her sides. Jungwoo’s saying something, but everything sounds as if she’s underwater. She feels the sting on her wrist, body making itself seem smaller as she curls into herself. Please, don’t, she whimpers.

When she doesn’t say anything, Jungwoo looks away from the stars and blinks at her. She’s curled into herself, staring at seemingly nothing in the distance with a glazed over look in her eyes. Her hand is clutching her left wrist so tightly that Jungwoo can see her skin turning more pale than usual. Her breath is jagged and harsh, concerning Jungwoo.

“Misun,” he keeps repeating, but she doesn’t answer. “Misun. Sunhye. Sunhye!” When he puts his hand on her shoulder, she flinches so harshly that her body seems to throw itself a couple feet away from him. He flinches back, not expecting the sudden movement but he’s more concerned with the wide eyes she’s sporting, darting around frantically as if she’s looking for something. “Sun, it’s just me,” his voice is gentle, raising a hand to hopefully soothe her, “It’s Jungwoo.”

Misun’s eyes connect with him, staring at him with trembling lips and shaky breath. He doesn’t know what to do, switching his gaze between her and the door that is the only barrier from them and the Dream members. Her gaze drops from his, trailing down his arm to the cigarette he still holds in between his fingers, slowly wasting away. He follows her gaze, brows furrowing at the look on her face before quickly putting out the cigarette.

“I— it’s OK,” Jungwoo says gently, “I’m going to get Mark or Haechan—”

“No!” The loudness of her own voice shocks both her and Jungwoo, making her jump and Jungwoo to blink. “I mean, I—I’m OK. You don’t need to do that.”

He opens his mouth to argue but she shakes her head firmly, “No. I’m OK. It was nothing. I’m perfectly fine now. You don’t need to worry them about nothing.”

That wasn’t nothing, Jungwoo wants to say. But the members have all seen how Misun shuts down the moment someone tries to get her to do something she doesn’t want to. That’s the last thing he wants to do.

“OK,” he says softly, regarding her like a vicious dog. She hates that. She’s fine, really, she is. “Are you going to come back inside?” He wants to smoke even more now, but he’s not going to with her in the same vicinity.

Misun’s eyes dart away from his and to above her, staring at the starless night sky. An airplane flys overhead and she briefly wonders about the passengers’ lives. She looks back to him. A breeze makes her shiver and she nods.

“Yeah,” she murmurs. “I’m going back inside. Don’t stay out for too long, it’s dangerous.” He thinks it’s funny how she’s the one worrying for him.

“In a few minutes,” he reassures her, opening the door for her. Bright lights shine on her face, their noisy members’ voices greeting their ears more clearly. Their eyes meet once more, something he can’t figure out crossing her eyes before it disappears and she heads inside.

The door shuts behind her.

send a number

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misunhye · 5 months

Text

Mama’s Girl

characters kang sunhye/misun, kang sumin … brief mention of ahn jaesun & ahn jiho, brief appearance of ahn jaesuk, brief appearance of misun’s unnamed grandparents

words 2.6k

warning(s) grooming, illegal relationship, power imbalance, age gap, infidelity, & brief mention of religion

Still, there is this terrible desire to be loved. Still, there is this horror at being left behind.

There were two things Kang Sunhye knew before the age of thirteen. One, she wanted to be nothing like her mother. Two, she was everything like her mother.

Here is how it starts, years before she is even born: Kang Sumin was a freshly debuted idol at the age of sixteen. Ahn Jaesun was twenty three and one of YG’s music producers, most importantly, he was Sumin’s. It was only two years later in 1994, on Sumin’s eighteenth birthday, that she fell pregnant with their first child, Ahn Jiho.

The announcement only a few months later when she couldn’t hide it anymore still remains one of the biggest scandals in history.

Still, she persevered. She tried everything she could to get back on track after Jiho’s birth; she even sent him far away to her parents in Texas, but YG dismissed her, effectively putting her on indefinite hiatus. She was a mother now, not an idol, Kang Sumin would bitterly repeat Yang Hyunsuk’s words years later in a drunken rant to her daughter about how her children ruined her life.

Kang Sumin was not supposed to be just a mother or a wife. She was not one to be tied down.

A year later, she had her second and last child with Ahn Jaesun. For someone who was adamant on her children ruining her life, she sure did continue on having them.

What was that saying? Misery loves company.

Two years after Jaesuk’s birth, two years since she abandoned her second child with her parents, Sumin was having a comeback. She had finally got what she had wanted, yet the day before the release, everything came crumbling down for the third time.

In an adrenaline high, tipsy from the cheap beer her manager bought for her and her team of staff and backup dancers, Kang Sumin made the worst mistake of her life. In a family bathroom of the YG building, she closed her eyes and ignored the sense of impending doom as she kissed one of her backup dancers while her husband was on the other side of the building and her children across the world.

A year later, her third and final child’s birth was different from the others. It was grueling, time consuming. It took thirty-six hours, much longer compared to the measly ten and seven hours respectively. Instead of a natural birth like her first two, the doctors had to resort to a C-Section. Her once perfect, flawless body that she had worked so hard for after childbirth was carved into; scarred forever.

Sumin refused to hold her only daughter, too distraught with her new reality. Jaesun was the one to name her.

Kang Sunhye came into this world crying and screaming and never stopped.

Sunhye was in church when she found out.

Like the good girl she was, she followed in her grandparents’ and brothers’ footsteps, believing in an all-powerful-being. She prayed every meal, every night before bed, she sang in the church choir with the rest of the kids, and she went every Sunday.

It started as any other Sunday, she’d put on her nice church dress, ironed neatly, her black Mary-Janes that were polished and shiny, with her hair in a half updo and a pretty bow tied at the top. She sang with the choir, smiling every time her family and her met eyes. She ignored the feeling when she saw the two empty seats next to her grandparents. It was always like that.

Sunhye missed the exchange of looks between her brothers, phones hidden in their hands with an article from Naver on the screen. She only noticed something was wrong when her grandparents were no longer paying attention, instead hunched over in their seats with their eyes on the pair of cellphones. She finished singing the last verse, watching her family tear their eyes away from the devices and clap, less enthusiastically than the other parents.

She remained quiet as she made her way back to the church pew, sitting in between her brothers like she always did. Her brothers avoided her gaze as her grandparents beckoned for them to stand up and leave. She could feel the confused eyes of the other families on them as they left, her ears burning. They never left early, they were usually one of the last to leave, helping the Pastor clean up.

The car ride was silent, no matter how much she begged for them to answer her.

Sunhye was not expecting her mother to be in her home when they arrived. The last time she saw her was a few months ago at Christmas. Her parents usually stayed in South Korea, where they were from. She couldn’t remember what they did for a career.

She didn’t even get a chance to greet her before her grandparents started yelling, startling the nine-year-old. It was a mix of Korean and English, the confused girl watching the three like it was a tennis match as Jiho went to his room, slamming the door behind him. It didn’t pause the yelling.

“— An affair? Are you kidding me, Sumin?”

“It’s all lies, you know how they—”

“If it were a lie, you wouldn’t have ran away,” her grandfather’s words made the room go silent.

Sunhye was not stupid. She was at a ninth grade reading level in the fourth grade. She had read things like this. But she never expected it to happen to her. She stared blankly at her mother, her beautiful, perfect mother who could do no wrong. But she did do wrong.

Jaesuk laid a hand on her shoulder, making her flinch in surprise. Sumin started to say something to defend herself, but her grandmother spat back, “Adultery is a sin, you know this. He would be so disappointed in you.” Sumin stared back, jaw clenching. Jaesuk tugged Sunhye to the staircase, gently pulling her up and to her room.

Once the door clicked behind them, Sunhye turned and asked with tears brimming, “Is it true?”

Jaesuk swallowed, eyes darting around. If there was anyone who loved their parents with their entire being, it was Sunhye. She loved and trusted them so much, she’d choose them over anyone else any day. She believed in them wholeheartedly, despite the fact that neither were hardly in her life. The dance recitals, church choir, science fairs, her grandparents and her brothers were the ones there. Not them. Yet they were her idols.

He didn’t want to tell her the truth. But he didn’t want to lie, either. No matter what he did, he knew it would change her view on them forever. He briefly thought, with some sick sense of relief and selfishness, that maybe it would be better off for her to not blindlessly love them so much.

“It happens,” the words fell out of Jaesuk’s mouth. “Maybe they fell out of love, and are separated without telling us. That wouldn’t be cheating,” he didn’t even believe in his words. He stared at her, studying her expression. She didn’t believe his words, either.

“I don’t get it,” she murmured, breaking eye contact, “I thought they were in love.”

“One thing about you is that you see life through rose tinted glasses,” Jaesuk sighed, deciding he wouldn’t try to protect her anymore. Maybe it was time for her to grow up. She blinked, remembering the phrase from a book she read before. “You see what you want to believe. You love them so much, you ignore all their flaws. Your first reaction is to love and defend them, no matter what.” Sunhye’s mouth parted to defend their parents, before closing. He gave her a gentle look, “It’s not your fault. Every kid wants to believe their parents are perfect. It was only a matter of time before you realized it. Better now than never.”

Jaesuk had decided that was enough for the day, pressing a kiss on her head and going to his own room. She could still hear the voices of her grandparents and mother downstairs.

When did her brothers stop believing in their parents? What did they see that she couldn’t?

Silently, she took off her dress and switched it for her lounge clothes, placing everything back where it belonged. She listened to the muffled yelling of her grandparents, briefly wondering how long this could go on for before she sat in her desk chair and powered on her laptop.

Each of the siblings had their own laptop after their grandparents got tired of listening to them fight over it. Of course, it was restricted and they were always carefully monitored. Except for this time, they were too busy yelling at her mother.

Once it was loaded, she started typing Kang Sumin into the search bar. The first article that popped up was recent, from one hour ago. She clicked it, and began reading.

Rumors of Kang Sumin’s Affairs

Source: Dispatch

‘A’ is alleging that Kang Sumin had an affair with a backup dancer.

On March 11th, ‘A’ posted screenshots of text messages from a man who reportedly used to be a backup dancer of Kang Sumin’s. The messages reported that on the night before Sumin’s comeback after having her first two children, the two were seeing each other romantically in private. The man states that he is not proud of the person he used to be, and that he can’t go on any longer when he still sees Kang Sumin’s husband, Ahn Jaesun, around the company halls.

He then provides proof, sending multiple photos of love letters from Sumin, detailing their times together and ending with a love confession and her signature.

Netizens are speculating that this would’ve happened right before Sumin’s comeback in 1999, right before the final time Sumin would get pregnant with her daughter.

[+3,038, -138] Does this mean her daughter isn’t actually Jaesun’s? T_T I thought they were true love.

[+2,939, -93] I always knew she was a […]. Of course she was, when she first got pregnant at eighteen.

[+2,458, -44] What a joke LOL.

[+2,193, -308] Isn’t this too cruel? It’s really none of our business. She has children, all old enough to be able to see this. What if they did?

[+1,982, -183] Their relationship was weird, anyway. He was 23 when they met and she was 16. Good for her.

[+1,779, -22] Imagine holding guilt for almost ten years that it’s a possibility that your senior’s daughter is yours. And you have to see her husband every time you go into work.

[+1,632, -2] What are they waiting for? Get the DNA test done already!!!

Her throat had started to itch long before she finished reading the rest of the comments, tears streaming down her cheeks as loud, ugly sobs threatened to crawl out. She hiccuped with every other breath, gasping for air as she pressed a hand to keep her cries in. She pushed herself away from her desk, throwing her body into her bed and screaming into her pillow.

Sunhye didn’t know how long she was crying for, she didn’t hear the click of her bedroom door opening and her mother’s sigh. She only recognized that someone else was in the room with her when a hand rested on her back gently.

“My sweet girl, why are you crying?” Her mother hummed melodically, raking her fingernails through her soft hair. When was the last time her mother talked to her like this? “You’re far too young to be sad.”

She hated when people said that. You’re too young to be acting like this. You’re too young to be sad. You’re too young to be like this. And then— you’re too old to be crying like a baby. You’re too old to play with dolls. You’re too old to watch cartoons. She was nine. She hadn’t even reached double digits yet.

She sniffled, deciding to keep her mouth shut as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly, hoping that if she continued to ignore her, she’d go away. Sunhye was stubborn, and she’d continue for as long as she had to.

Unfortunately, like mother, like daughter.

Sumin sat on the edge of her bed, a manicured hand on the back of her neck firmly, “Don’t ignore me, Sunhye. What’s the matter?” Her voice was stern, no longer the soft voice she had been using before. Sunhye’s head lifted up, not wanting to make her mad. Her head turned, resting on her pillow as her puffy, red face stared back at the face that mirrored hers. Their lips, their eye shape, the same slope of their noses— it was all too similar. She had gotten almost entirely everything from her mother.

“Good girl,” Sumin murmured, going back to raking her nails through her hair gently. Her voice was back to being soft. Sunhye thought she could’ve imagined it. Her mother rarely spoke to her this way. “Now, what’s got you so upset, my love?” She never used sweet names, either.

Sunhye didn’t beat around the bush. That was all her father in her. “Did you really cheat on dad?”

Sumin paused, not expecting the question to come from her. Her parents, yes, her sons, yes, and certainly her husband, too. But never her sweet daughter who yearned for her mother’s love, who never spoke out of turn, who always did what she asked. Her mini-me.

She sighed, looking away to the pink walls of her room and scanning the posters of American celebrities and Korean idols alike. A Girls’ Generation poster was right above her bed. A sting of irritation ran through her. That should’ve been her. She looked up, almost not catching it. A poster of sixteen-year-old Sumin stared back at her, a bright grin on her face. She gaped momentarily before catching herself, looking back down at Sunhye. She didn’t ask about it. She would never know that Sunhye always stood on the tip of her toes to press a kiss to her mother’s face in her frequent absence. If she looked to the right, a picture of her parents would stand proudly on her bedside table. She would never know that Sunhye would wish she was standing there next to them.

“It’s complicated,” Sumin said at last. “I was … so excited to get back into doing what I loved; singing and dancing on stage in front of hundreds. I … It started off so innocently, we were just friends and then …” She laughed bashfully, “I guess I am just so irresistible, like yourself.” She winked playfully at the girl, aiming to get a giggle. She succeeded. A sense of triumph blossomed in her chest. “One thing led to another and … Yes. But it was only one time.”

Sunhye didn’t tell her that she read the article and saw the text messages. Why would she, when she wholeheartedly believed in her mother and her words? Her mother would never lie to her. She knew, from books, that this was what the media did— they lied to get attention.

She was reminded of the comment that asked if her father was actually the backup dancer. She dismissed the thought a second later. Her mother may have made a mistake, but she never would have lied to her husband and children about something as important as this.

Sunhye was Ahn Jaesun’s daughter. She firmly believed in this with all her heart.

A soft touch to her cheek made her look back at her mother, watching her stare back down at her with something she didn’t recognize in her eyes. Her mother brushed her tears away, “Sweet girl, you believe me, don’t you?”

It was no question. She nodded her head, “Of course. I love you.”

Her mother smiled, tilting her head. “And you forgive me, yes?”

“Of course, I love you,” she repeated.

Sumin’s smile brightened, “And I love you, darling.”

And just like that, Sunhye forgave her mother like she always did. Dogs are like that. They’d do anything to keep you happy. So blindly loyal.

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