Currently thinking about how conservative comedy is only funny with the imagined audience of triggered libs and when you remove that illusion or the actual libs aren’t triggered it’s just sort of a waste of breath

Anonymous submitted:

Cyberbullying and Language

Hello, I hope you are all well. I am going to try and keep this appropriately summarized without it being too lengthy. I sincerely apologize if this turns out to be a long wall of text. In case if you need to know, I am a 24 year old female.

To start with, an incident occurred in September on Twitter, my friend had tweeted an unpopular opinion on a matter that is related to KPOP (for context, what he said was how the KPOP industry are not aware about cultural appropriation and that they’re not going to stop anytime soon because they think they are being welcoming to their international fans by adopting their elements and thinking it’s appreciation when it’s appropriation). Someone who I will call A, replied to my friend insulting him. It was upsetting to see that my friend was being spoken that way but what really triggered me is how A was consistently talking down on him in another language and using abusive terms and phrases which he obviously won’t understand, even when he was being polite and civil.

Because I am familiar with the language that A was using, I jumped in and I told A that it is understandable where their anger is coming from, but there is no reason for them to speak in an abusive manner and that too, in another language because 1) aside from it being cowardly, I think it’s ableist and 2) I think it is micro-aggressively racist. I had mentioned those two points in my tweet and A’s friend responded me in all capital letters and in mockery tone that I was wrong for telling A not to speak in her native language and for using the word “racist”. Everyone from A’s side collectively replied calling me shameless, a dumbass, fake woke, and what really got to me is how they still spoke in that very same language and used vulgar phrases like “she can go lick her own ass” thinking I wouldn’t understand. I never got to explain myself because of the number of people writing damaging things all at once. This affected me badly to the point I had physical symptoms like my head wouldn’t stop hurting, I couldn’t eat or sleep properly and because of the stress, I didn’t get my period like I was supposed to.

A even screenshotted my tweets and said, “when you have a humiliation kink” which was really nauseating to see because I have social anxiety and humiliation is one of my biggest fears and it happened. The other triggering thing about it is that I am Half Black Half Indian and I had faced a lot of bullying and discrimination in school where my classmates would unknowingly switch to another language whenever I was around and indirectly say a lot of things like they would call me “Kaali” (means Black in Hindi but with a negative connotation in this situational context) and it instilled a lot of anxiety. That is why I had called it microaggresively racist because I didn’t know how else to call it. I blame myself for getting involved in that community because there is a lot of aggression and I am just too sensitive for these things, but I also couldn’t bring myself to stand back and see someone behave demeaningly to a friend.

I do have to add that my other friend actually spoke to A who explained their perspective and said they felt invalidated and hurt that I accused them for being racist and ableist in some way when they have been a victim to it racism which is why their friends targeted me all at once and got abusive because they were furious. They also said they spoke in their native language out of habit. A was also told that I was affected from this just as much and they explained to my friend saying I shouldn’t engage in KPOP stan Twitter in the first place because it’s not meant for sensitive people. I later reached out and apologized to them and they also apologized back saying they were sorry for hurting me too. I thought this would give me some relief and it does in a minimal way but my mind would just not stop replaying those harmful words and it always brings me to tears and triggers a lot of other bad memories.

I am dealing with two issues right now. One — It’s almost the end of November now and I feel ridiculous that this hasn’t left my mind. It traumatized me and I can’t even bring myself to enjoy the simplest things or be happy because my mind keeps taking me back to that incident. Two — I don’t feel that it was wrong of me to call A’s action subtly racist and ableist. Even though I haven’t fully comprehended it yet, I don’t deny invalidating A’s feelings because they feel strongly about cultural appropriation and I was somewhere wrong with my approach. I just find it awful that someone would suddenly switch to another language you are not fluent in and use that tactic to degrade you. This is not to say that people shouldn’t be conversing in their mother tongue. I find it concerning when you’re conversing WITH someone NEGATIVELY in a different language or indirectly speak about you in your presence and there’s nothing you can do in your defense. I just believe I am not entirely irrational about this because I always felt invalidated.

This turned out much longer and I know I have exceeded the limit, so I am really sorry that you have to read all this but thank you for taking the time to do so. Please take your time in responding to this. I am grateful a platform like this exists because I genuinely didn’t know where to go with this.

some people can just be bloody awful, can’t they? ):

A sounds like a really mean spirited and cruel person -- if they’re not a friend then block all communication with them, if they are a friend then end the friendship and then block all communication with them anyway. they doesn’t sound like the kind of person you need in your life at all, not worth the energy. 

even though “social media is what you make it” and you can control your social media experience in terms of what kinds of people you follow and what content you see? I think twitter is one of the worst social media platforms, it’s almost like people become even more emboldened and brazen by the lack of anonymity in expressing negative attitudes and toxic behaviours. 

I think it’s understandable that you still feel traumatised by what happened on twitter, a whole lot of people ganged up on you for no reason. even though I don’t know the specific kpop band you’re talking about? kpop does have a long history of racism and cultural insensitivity, I feel like you were probably right in the things you said to A regarding micro-aggressions and ableism. however!!! you gotta pick your battles, know when it’s the right choice to fight and when it’s a better choice to walk away and fight another day. if someone is already using racist / ableist language? chances are that they’re not going to listen when they’re being told that the language they’re using is racist / ableist, especially if it’s being said publicly. 

honestly? A (and associated friends) sound like pretty negative and aggressive people, and definitely not worth wasting a second more of energy on. know that your own feelings about this are valid, and that you didn’t do much wrong. all you can do is learn from this for the future -- avoid engaging in a conversation (or argument..) with people who already display racist and bullying attitudes. it was so kind of you to jump in and defend your friend, but next time maybe just tell your friend to block any future online attacks like this and avoid engaging. take care xxx

- tash ps thank you for including your age / gender! while it might not seem directly important to your situation, just generally it helps us answer you and give support in a more specific way :*

Helping Each Other Heal

Taking the train for me recently, especially late at night has been very triggering. Many of the energies around me tend to be dense, heavy, dark and as much as I try to protect myself, I feel it. After all, as much as we may try to pretend we're separate, we're not. We are all connected.

Lately I’ve witnessed and felt a lot of hate energy on the train. Just a week ago a group of men were speaking demeaningly about women, and I interjected. I just couldn’t stand witnessing misogyny and hearing women discussed as objects; being reminded of “women’s” second class citizen status in this society.

Of course, my reply wasn't received "well". I was demeaningly regarded as "sweetheart," confronted and dismissed. Their responses were indicators of their ignorance, so I removed myself from the situation. At first I was angry, then I felt compassion, then immense hurt at this divide between men and women, that some of us can’t see our fellow humans as equal regardless of sex, race, etc. I realize this kind of misogynistic view and talk is a result of toxic masculinity and rejection of the feminine within themselves, that makes some men so hateful towards women. And I realize it’s deeply rooted in societal conditioning.

But I have to stand up and speak out when something bothers me, in defense of the feminine, the oppressed. It’s the only way we’re going to help change/shift the collective conditioned views and wounds. The earth is urging us to do this now more than ever. Look at everything that’s going on in the world. She doesn’t just want us to sit by passively. She’s shaking us, literally, telling us we need to be ambassadors of compassion, love and peace.

And it’s not always easy, but I’m learning, we all are, as we’re being given opportunities to step more and more into our power. Last night, my energy was low and there was a lot of aggressive speaking and hatred on the train again. Many people who aren't in their right state of mind (LA has a lot of people with mental diseases) just talk aloud, vocalizing their hurt, in the form of hate and anger, putting all that energy out there.

And though I do believe speaking out is important, I do also use discretion and know when to keep myself safe. I switched train cars in this instance. The second train car was full of men. My energy was low, I felt stared at, vulnerable and just wanted to disappear. I found the only three women on the train and sat down next to them and started crying from the perceived heaviness of the energy around me. My head was buried in my sweater and one man approached me,

He handed me a "spiritual book". I denied it. He then started to talk to me, telling me he was a yogi, reminding me to breathe, gifting me a flower garland, and crown and a different book called "Inner Yoga".

When I get emotional or overwhelemed, I'm not always compassionate with myself. I think, "I practice yoga and meditation, why am I responding like this, I shouldn't be reacting like this, I know better, etc...

And I lack compassion with myself. And compassion with oneself is one of the most important things, to then be able to show compassion to others.

This man's presence/gesture reminded me what I know.

That it's not all men.

To stay in my power.

To protect myself, my energy, the feminine.

That I am a queen with and without a crown.

Although there can be a lot of hatred and division amongst people, the other side does exist. I've also witnessed a lot of unity amongst "strangers". I've been comforted by abuelas, old men, young boys, etc. during my "panic attacks" on public transportation (yes this happens often).

We're never really alone, there's more than likely someone who feels you in a crowd. The smallest act of compassion can go a long way. Start with yourself, then with others. It can make a huge difference. A lot of times we fear reaching out, but just do it anyway. We're all one, we have to help each other heal...

<3