Part 8

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Analyzing the 5 plays in this drama club poster .From the bts pics of stranger things 4.

So... some of ya’ll know I'm going through the st s4 films given to us by the official st twitter + the films reffed in the show itself or mentioned by the Duffers in interviews .

So I decided to look at the plays mentioned here. Because even if we don't see the monologues in the show directly - the Duffers wouldn't name drop anything unless it inspired them in some way. Similar to films name dropped in the show. Tw : for some dark themes .

This is just a quick little analysis I decided to do since we probably won't get any new st content today (3/22). Nothing too deep. Just mentioning things that caught my interest especially cause these plays have a lot of narrative connections to the st s4 movies I've been watching.

Invitation to a march (Authur laurents)

Reminds me of the stancy/jancy love triangle. "A young woman is having second thoughts about doing the right thing and marrying a respectable , rich, kind, young man with good prospects.By way of a prewedding diversion, this woman becomes interested in the passionate but poor and entirely unsuitable son of a local landlord.Basically, the plot concerns the efforts of Norma Brown to choose between a conventional fiance who "puts her to sleep" but is wealthy (like what her own mother did) or go for this new-poor guy. The play is principally interested in how this youthful love triangle affects the three mothers involved (whether the kids like it or not)

12th night (Shakespeare)

 - viola (el) wrongly assumes a family member (hopper) is dead. She dresses up as a man named 'cesario'. A girl named Olivia falls for 'cesario' (violet dressed as a man). "Finally, when 'Cesario' and Sebastian (violet's twin brother: assumed to have drowned - Will) appear in the presence of Olivia there is more wonder and confusion at their physical similarity. Taking Sebastian for 'Cesario', Olivia asks him to marry her, and they are secretly married in a church. Cough if Olivia is 'straight' cause she fell for Viola (as a doppleganger dressed like her twin brother).Mike being into el who multiple characters in s1 said looked like a boy and specifically like Will is...suspish and a hint he's not straight lol. just like Olivia they're both into guys . plus, this play just has a butt load of love triangles (ugh i hated that aspect). There was also romantically coded letters (which was in the s4 films) . One character is also thrown into an insane asylum and framed as 'insane'.'Pretending that Malvolio is insane, they lock him up in a dark chamber. Feste visits him to mock his insanity'. We all know the psych hospital will be narratively important- talked about it more here.

The seagull (Anton Chekhov-russian)

similar to how I believed s4 will show m*#even already broken up since the months between s3-4 : act 3 (s3) ends with Nina begging for one last chance to be with Trigorin before he leaves/moves away. They kiss and make plans to meet again in Moscow.And in act 4 there's a timeskip where it shows they've been broken up for a long time between acts- and its established they never actually loved eachother. Do i even have to spell out why this parallels the m*#even ending in s3? There is also a play within the play (this is common in a lot of the st films- they have plays- or a story within a story- which illustrate certain themes or emotions of the characters within said film : blackswan, children of paradise, highschool musical, Rushmore, book of Henry, welcome to marwen, never ending story, romancing the stone, wet hot American summer, etc).The play is Konstantin's latest attempt at creating a dense symbolist work. There is also alot of love triangles in the seagull. TW!: for se#ual ab*se/su*cidal thoughts/ inc*st (here and in other play segments). The seagull motif reminds me a lot of Jonathan's rabbit story.Konstantin romantically into Nina shows up to give her a gull that he has shot. Nina is confused and horrified . Trigorin sees the gull that Konstantin has shot and muses to Nina on how he could use it as a subject for a short story: "The plot for the short story: a young girl lives all her life on the shore of a lake. She loves the lake, like a gull, and she's happy and free, like a gull. But a man arrives by chance, and when he sees her, he destroys her, out of sheer boredom. Like this gull."  This immediately reminded me of jon's rabbit story and some of the movies on the s4 list . Like in forrest gump- Jenny (who is poor) was se*ually ab*sed as a very young girl by her father. As a child she runs away into a field-away from her alcoholic father yelling at her -there she prays that she can "be a bird so I can fly far far away" .

Jenny as an adult struggles with this unresolved trauma- being with ab*sive partners, doing dr*gs, and having su*cidal thoughts . She as an adult when contemplating su*icide, jokes 'you think i can fly like a bird ?' while looking down at a bridge.God-i'm worried about jonathan (Jenny was also a musician sort of like jon). In another s4 movie example ' mystic river ' :(in the 80s) a preteen baseball playing boy is r*ped by men in the woods. He later says he wishes he could become an undead monster to not feel the pain of that experience - cause quote " if I'm not human anymore maybe the pain will stop" (Will) . slightly off topic but he also has another personality, imagines a alternate word that dissappears when he turns his head. And as a less direct animal parallel to the play - the boy from the film also imagined his perpetrators as monsters and wolves to cope.In 'getout' the photographer character sees a dead deer in the woods and it represents a parent/his own childhood tra*ma relating to his past. similarly in 'prince of tides' the 2 siblings as kids were ra*ed by men. The older brother remembered it and the younger sibling developed DID (so didn't remember but she would draw wolves- as the perpetrators/villains in her picture stories she created . In the film they also had an ab*sive dad and were very poor. She also tried k*ling herself multiple times-but started to get better after remembering the source of her pain and trauma.  There is also the theme of multiple attempted su*cides in the play- and the play ends with yet another attempt- and the audience is left unaware of the artist's fate at the end of the play.

The tempest (Shakespeare)

Prospereo - (the perceived antagonist) is a wizard with monstrous looks, storm powers , and ability to create monster-dogs

He wants revenge on a man who tried ra*ing his family member & revenge on his other family member who wronged him years ago. I mean... pretty much my did theory.But in the end.Prospero decides to show his enemies the mercy that they did not show him twelve years earlier. He tells Ariel to bring the men to him, he will restore their sanity and then renounce magic forever.Prospero breaks the spell that the men are under .

Diary of a scoundrel (Alexander Ostrovsky-Russian)

-  I suppose this could loosely relate to Jonathan? Glumov, is a young man from an impoverished family lacking status seeking entrance into society's pampered class. A 19th-century Russian scoundrel must scheme his way out of his meager life in a small apartment -whatever it takes.He has a quick mind and some talent for seeing through the hypocrisies of people around him ( Jonathan does make a lot of social critiques about society). That gives him some advantages. A tale of one man's mission to finagle his way into upper-class society and find a cushy job. Set in 1874, this social comedy follows Glumov, a Russian youth who begins his ambitious ascent to social esteem. He progresses by wit, guile and rhetoric. Pitting one stupid person against another, he soon gains his ends. To reach these goals, Glumov will lie, flatter, and cater to the vanities of the wealthy. Unable to contain his disgust with his victims, Glumov decides to relieve his unvoiced satirical comments by recording his schemes in a diary. But he is tripped up by his uncle's wife, to whom he has made passionate love on his way to success. At the end of the play, his diary is stolen and his duplicity exposed, but he can nevertheless suceeds. The author is much more critical about the high society itself than about the main character, so the play keeps attracting generations of directors by opening possibilities for political criticism while also avoiding naming names of the current rulers.The play's aim was to overthrow bourgeois tradition and establish a class-conscious art called eccentricism giving a deliberately comic portrayal of reality.

I suppose I notice some possible commonalities-  besides s3 critiquing the wealthy/capitalism in comedic ways . jonathan since s1 has worried about his family's finances / had some resentment toward the rich . In some of the s4 movies ‘orphan’ & ‘ girl interrupted’ someone reads their diary out loud to get at them (in girl interrupted the winona character’s diary even had critiques of her new friends).  Alot of movies also have someone (usually a teen/young adult) making a documentary about their life -which could narratively replace said diary? A few movies have a poor guy adjusting to snobby rich social circles (or being poor and then getting money)- titanic, kingsmen, karate kid, the craft , godfather,  wardogs,into the spiderverse,flashdance, and many others . And movies like wardogs has a poor-young-character do shady things to finacially support his family . There’s also that whole uncle’s wife thing- which makes me uncomfortable for obvious reasons (but I’m just thinking of Lonnie’s creepy gf who was into him). A few movies had the guy’s step mom innappropriately hit on him- orange county & you got mail. And him trying to avoid her advances. Or...not to mention ... it may be a problematic coincidence /trope. But in enter the void -the guy who needs to finacially support his sibling/ does dr*gs -hooks up with his dr*g dealing friend’s married mom (who would give him money).  Or in gilbert grape- the poor teen-who has to finacially support his siblings/single mom-has his endgame relationship be a girl his own age. But before that he h*oked up with a married woman -who would give him money. Don’s plum -young film guy-propositioned by older female film director (for dream job). Not even mentioning the other films that have the guy hooking up with toxic older women (like ‘the graduate’). Or analyze this-where the therapist accuses him of having an Oedipus complex (not touching that one... but the guy in ‘enter the void’ a 100% had one). It’s possible those movies were just- inspo for s3?  A coincidence? Or s3 was foreshadowing for this in s4- but unlike s3 it will accurately be played as wrong  and a sign of Jonathan recreating past tra*ma caused by Lonnie (cough like the photos) /being desperate for money. And not played ‘comedically’ like how it mostly was in s3. But shown as self destructive  (for Jon) and immoral on the Woman’s end. Like... Billy and Jon are character foils. Both are older siblings into rock music, with ab*sive dads who shoved them into walls. Both lose it (and beat steve to a pulp when Steve accidentally triggers their daddy issues). In s3 it’s established womanizer Billy has mommy issues, than he tries ho*king up with someone his mom’s age, and the characters ref ‘back to the future ‘ and Steve incorrectly says it’s about “alex p keaton trying to bang his mom.” This could illustrate his subconscious issues with parental figures/adults cause of Lonnie’s  possible past se*ual ab*se . One film the friend even says to the guy “you don’t have friends!” guy b: i have friends! him:  no you have acquaintances! ADMIT IT! YOU’RE AFRAID OF MEN!I mean-Jonathan liked Nancy- but he initially hooked up with her cause he wanted to prove he didn’t have ‘trust issues’ from his dad. Also it’s prob a bit of a reach (and maybe a coincidence)- but the fact Murray in the same breath compares Steve (Nancy’s then bf) and Lonnie  ... uh... if you think too long about it ... it’s very sinister .  Especially because in s3: muray tells Joyce  that despite her wanting to be with a nice guy, she’s curious about “the brute” Hopper despite him reminding her of a past “bad relationship”(aka Lonnie). Like- yeah connect some dots.  Quite a few films (other than forrest gump) also have the character who (as a kid) was  r*ped by their dad/parent-  begin to do dr*gs/be pr*miscuous as adults since they never learned to properly cope with their trauma (’girl with the dragon tattoo’,  ‘black swan’, and ‘magnolia’). Unfortunately the whole relative doing such things to kid-relatives is in at least 30+ movies. 

Personally, i would be MUCH happier if Jon had a age appropriate romance- and had not a single creepy adult near him. A few movies actually imply Lonnie gets yet another ‘new model’  replacing his gf in her 20s with a new gf- who is ‘barely l*gal” and just turned 18. so there’s that possibility as well- that she’s jonathan’s age.I just want Jonathan-happy &safe. GOD. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Hey queen, it's me again lol(one that requested overhoe being roasted), sorry for so many requests, I don't wanna work u too much! But can I have headcanons of bakugou, deku, and icy hot trying soul food for the first time? I'm currently eating dirty rice, green beans, and fillet mignon with potato salad, and I'm in heaven🤤🤤. Keep writing beautiful😊😊❤❤.

Okay this this was so much fun BC this is the first time I’m not having soup food for thanksgiving like idk what Mexican people eat??? I’m scared lmao

Song ref: sugar - robin schlulz

Todoroki:

- Oop girl that sounds goooood

- You make dinner for yourself quite often BC it reminds you of home

- He asks for some

- BC he is curious to what you grew up on

- Make his ass a whole plate I’m talking

- Potato salad

- Broccoli with cheese

- Macaroni and cheese

- Dirty rice (biiiitch that’s my fav)

- Make him chicken too

- OK but he like is in love now

- Will marry you

- “This is delicious, who taught you how to cook like this??”

- “My dead ancestors babe.”

- LMAOO wild ass

- But nah when you make food his greedy ass always gon want a plate

- “You making diner tonight?”

- He will try to find out you gumbo recipe

- Brings his mom a plate

- “My amazing s/o made this.”

- Lmao he’s gunna just subtle brag about how good you can cook

- this clown can and will mess up the greens

- “ all you had to do was season them”

- “I messed up.”

- He really likes sweet potato pie

- Eats the leftover marshmallows

- Steaks chicken from the fridge

- “ Who told you to eat the rest of it?”

- “ I was hungry you should’ve been looking over your food.”

- Fight

Izuku:

- oh he loves it

- He loves how it’s so spicy

- Asks for thirds

- The mash potatoes are his favorite

- He can and will eat all the corn bread before it cools off

- “This is amazing!!”

- Compliments to the cheff(you)

- Will watch how you season chicken

- “What are you adding now?”

- “ Sriracha.”

- Gives his mom some of your ice tea

- That’s all he drinks now

- Water and ice tea

- Drinks the entire gallon before the end of the week

- “..... are you cooking tonight.”

- Wants to help you cook to become closer to you

- In charge of the cooking playlist

- This clown chokes j cole

- 🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️ sir if you don’t throw on some fucking Hurricane Chris

- But lmao he does like watching you cook

- Gets jealous when you cook for everyone

- BC he wants to keep you all to himself

- Will eat the left overs

- If you makes black eyes peas he will refuse to share

- Shrimp and grits is a close second to his favorite

Bakugou:

- okay he will think your a shit cook

- BC he’s the best cook

- Once he tries your food it’s over tho

- He’s going to devour a pan of mac & cheese

- He tries to make cornbread but he just can’t do it

- Can’t replicate the black touch

- “Okay but I literally did the same thing as you!!”

- “ you have to put love into it.”

- Your spicy curry chicken is out of this world

- His favorite food

- Brings you home to mom

- “Teach this old hag how to cook.”

- Lmao what a clown

- He probably like chitlins🤢🤢🤢

- Too bad you’re not going to make them because you have class

- It’s all the biscuits without even looking

- His mom loves your cooking and can actually replicate the chicken pretty well

- his dad: would you like to stay for dinner

- His mom: would you like to stay forever

- Likes hush puppies

- Will body some collard greens

- Like you might as well just have a plate ready for him if you’re planning to cook

- This clown will try to get you to cook

- “ I’m hungry.”

- You make banana pudding for his mom but he ends up getting some and he proposes on the spot

- “ i’m going to marry you.”

- “Sure thing sparky.”

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Boxing Day Extravaganza boop Jimmy: Okay so we know they're taking the train Jimmy: which appaz only takes like 35 mins so that's nice, not to have to entertain the kids for an age Jimmy: cos everywhere would be busy and hellish given that it's boxing day Janis: nice lil' journey, no one has time to get antsy, probably only need to do one hellish train toilet moment per child lol Jimmy: we can all get arty because Jimothy promised to keep doing the bae daily masterpieces Janis: get a table seat, love that for yous Jimmy: Cass just on her phone 🎧 being antisocial the whole time, love you gal, but the rest of us are living our best lives Jimmy: having hot chocolate and all the left over gingerbread and other festive snacks like 😁 Janis: you'll end up having an alright time in your own tween way don't worry Janis: the plethora of christmas toys that you've simply had to bring Jimmy: maybe you can have a Lisa beach friends moment Janis: that'd be cute, some kids at the arcade or something Jimmy: much more British and chill because we haven't stolen Ian's car for you to cover with 🐚s sadly Janis: I used to make friends on hols, live laugh love with whatever kids have also been dragged to Skerries lol Jimmy: I did not which tells you everything you need to know about how shy I was and how much my sister didn't want us to have other friends when we were kids Janis: gatekeeper trace so rude Janis: okay, so we're getting there, what do we wanna hit, obviously all the beachy cliches we can and also some festive ones Jimmy: gonna have a dip in the sea even though it's freezing af even if you only put your feet in lads Jimmy: the awkward moment when you think you only have a day here so you're gonna cram it all in and then be like oh Janis: don't be babies you can do it Janis: not the actual babies though, you will die Jimmy: stay with Cass even though I'm certain Libi will wanna do it Janis: she will be tryna run lmao Jimmy: soz for that Cass Jimmy: you'll be able to go off with your mates when you meet them, just give jj the chance to be competitive in the sea for a sec Jimmy: obvs gotta win something piss easy in the arcade and then lowkey bankrupt yourself trying to get the same thing for the other kid as always happened to my dad LOL Janis: hohaha yes Janis: also last time we went to an arcade you could get gross sour sweets with the tickets so the kids will be pinging Jimmy: love that Jimmy: Jimothy see how many you can fit in your mouth/eat because I would Janis: changing money into all the 2ps for the penny falls and having the cup for the money fun Jimmy: I bloody love an arcade tbh all that good stuff and beach fun and snow fun because it has to snow more for the trains to stop running since you got there okay Janis: when you realize it's coming down fast hun Janis: and I oop Jimmy: should've tried to leave as soon as the snow started but we're not because we don't wanna Jimmy: even though that phone call to Ian to tell him you aren't coming back will be lovely and put you in a great mood Janis: like you LOVE spending time with your kids ok sir Janis: everyone gonna be lowkey pissed soz weather happens lads Jimmy: we're with all our fave peeps we'll soon cheer up and live our best lives Jimmy: we definitely need there to be some board games in this caravan Jimmy: crack out the uno Janis: its not like you're without shelter and warmth, everyone will be fine, we're all buzzing lbr Janis: yes, all the board games, there'll at least be a telly to watch festive shit on Jimmy: Jimothy will make so much tea, we'll be cosy Janis: you should also eat comfort food like beans on toast ty Jimmy: make a little soft world/den for the bubs Janis: campout in the lounge 'cos you're not gonna wanna share a room alone but also don't wanna be separated so enjoy the double moment Cass Jimmy: winning her over with that Janis: at least that's an excuse if we want to message 'cos no privacy whilst they're out here snuggling Jimmy: true that's a good idea Jimmy: and won't wanna wake them by talking out loud when they're eventually asleep which would probably take forever cos buzzing Janis: my thoughts exactly, and it means we can ref a bit without literally sitting here listing every possible thing ourselves Jimmy: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jimmy: 👍? Janis: can't really accuse you of making it snow Janis: but my foot does feel in danger again 🪓💘 Jimmy: just do 🌧 me Janis: next doodle sorted Janis: get loads of likes Jimmy: blank page would an' all long as I do a #goals caption Janis: show off Janis: not much chance of me giving you #goals muse inspo in day old clothes so you'll have to rely on that clout Jimmy: LITERALLY the opposite, about the muse not my 🎨 Jimmy: and there's every chance if you don't wear any clothes, duh Janis: you still have to think up the words Janis: and 🔥 emoji usage 🙌😩 Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 😍💕or 🤤 Janis: how much chance do you reckon there is of no clothes Janis: meant to be 🥶 to death here Jimmy: depends how 🔥 you reckon I am Janis: 💯 Janis: obviously Jimmy: but I get it, any excuse for a shopping trip, girl Janis: 🤑🛍😍 Janis: you know me so well Jimmy: meant to be working tomorrow, take your chance while there's still 💰 to be after Janis: bummer Janis: it should clear soon, can't have you pining for it too hard, like Jimmy: 🥺☕💔🎻😭 Jimmy: @ my manager before he has chance to miss me Janis: *replace you Janis: 😬😶 Jimmy: 😱😱 Janis: literally who said that, omg Janis: so rude! Jimmy: brb gotta 👻 there to serve some lattes Janis: yeah, you'll need to wife it before you try and leave me with 3 kids Jimmy: weren't no 💍 in the grabbers, looks like we're going shopping after all, babe Janis: missed a trick there, honestly Janis: probably had a ring pop if we'd looked harder Jimmy: Libi'd have that right off you, mate Jimmy: don't even have to jilt you Jimmy: replaced mid-proposal Janis: true Janis: and she needs no more sugar ever again Janis: ❌ Janis: you'll have to just stay put, soz Jimmy: were gonna get you one of them mood rings but it'd give the game away by saying you weren't ALWAYS 😍 Jimmy: only need the one fan 👀 Janis: how dare you doubt my acting abilities Janis: ALWAYS on and ready for my close up Jimmy: that ain't acting it's 🔮 OBVS Janis: magic, talent Janis: all the same to me 🥇👑 Jimmy: alright bighead, go on Janis: go on what? Jimmy: always on, you said Jimmy: impress me with one of your talents Janis: here and now? Jimmy: might be on for a bit weren't what you said Janis: Libi's already seen you partially clothed once Janis: not trying to traumatize them permanently Jimmy: what you bringing me into it for? it's your talent Janis: already shown you how to juggle too Jimmy: there's nowt else? Janis: rude Janis: you made me sing to you as well, if you recall Jimmy: tah for the reminder to send that to Pete Jimmy: he's looking for a lead 🎤 so I've heard Janis: I'd literally kill you Jimmy: shouldn't have to beg you Jimmy: you know that's all I want Janis: 😤 Janis: obviously all I want it to have an ill-fated romance with Pete but you stagemomming me was not part of the dream Jimmy: you look SO cute when you're fuming Jimmy: what's your plan then? Janis: find a totally natural way to drop hints that I'm dead talented over my lattes, duh Janis: writing lyrics in a notebook, being SO cute 🤔 Jimmy: he's got a girlfriend with a normal sized head, but I think he can read so you're probably on to something there with the last bit Janis: normal? Janis: how...exciting Jimmy: you'll find a natural way to drop hints you're after a threesome an' all I'm sure Janis: sounds like a 🥈 move Janis: if I can't get her chucked what is the point Jimmy: perfect for you, that Janis: in no world am I runner-up Janis: fake or otherwise Jimmy: not to her, just to me Janis: you don't do co-workers, you're disqualified Jimmy: you reckon you could get her chucked but I couldn't get him sacked Janis: 😱 Janis: then comfort him, that's evil Janis: okay 💀👑 Jimmy: 😈 Jimmy: haven't seen her for ages, bit of normality for you, that Janis: me? Janis: she's your favourite customer Janis: clearly spend loads of time chatting and plotting Jimmy: that's Tammy, how dare you Jimmy: she orders loads Janis: she needs the energy for her tiktok dances Janis: don't call her fat Jimmy: that were you Jimmy: I would NEVER Janis: nah, 'course not Janis: she's your bestie Jimmy: #BFF Jimmy: but that's you an' all so Jimmy: 💔 for her Janis: I'm not sharing Jimmy: I'm not making you Janis: you know she'd take a bigger piece Jimmy: she'd try but you'd 🥊 her Janis: you want me to fight for you Jimmy: if she's after me, you're gonna have to protect me Janis: alright Janis: guess I don't wanna see you squashed to death Jimmy: get these bandages off first before I need another set Janis: you can go have an ice bath Janis: if you wanna Jimmy: why would I want that? Jimmy: sounds fucking horrible Janis: not because you're being too 🥵 idiot Janis: to help with the swelling Jimmy: 🙄 I got that Janis: you went in the sea Janis: you just have to sit for a bit longer Jimmy: you didn't wanna be left with 3 kids a bit ago Jimmy: make up your mind, Jeanette Janis: later then Janis: just don't scream and wake them up Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 Janis: we'll 👀 Jimmy: yeah and you won't hear nowt Janis: 😏 Janis: did it hurt less today Jimmy: [throws a cushion at her for the 😏 and to distract from having to answer that because probably hurt more if anything all the fun and games they've done today] Janis: [inadvertantly start a pillow fight here which you need to then calm back down] Janis: don't think I didn't notice Jimmy: ? Janis: you didn't answer Jimmy: you reckon I never do Janis: it speaks volumes Janis: you're alright Jimmy: there you go then Janis: if you're alright with it being inferred, yeah Jimmy: dunno about your 🤓🗨 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: I'm alright, leave it out Janis: fine Janis: no hot chocolate for you Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you're SO rude Janis: yep Janis: that's what you get Jimmy: but Jimmy: we're best mates Janis: maybe Janis: but Bobbys nicer to me so he's getting extra marshmallows Jimmy: it were you going on about how you were gonna be nice to me Jimmy: should've known it were bollocks Janis: you threw the first pillow, mate Jimmy: you chucked out a pisstakey 😏 before that Jimmy: weren't me who started it Janis: not my fault you're known for being well loud Jimmy: isn't it? Jimmy: I'd say it were your fault Janis: don't make me 😏 again Jimmy: alright I'll make you 😳 Janis: I'll blame the ☕s Jimmy: you want a hand? Janis: [throw a LOOK from your kitchen area] Jimmy: [come on over boy and be giving her a LOOK back the entire time obvs] Janis: [do the thing where the kitchen is too small so you're lowkey just in each other's way the whole time in a #mood of a moment like so much more of a hindrance than a help] Jimmy: [and also the thing where you kiss only to break apart as if nothing happened if anyone notices] Janis: [Bobby would be used to you having a gf about as the last one moved herself in but Libi is not so she'd be the kind of kid to be like UMMMMMMM] Jimmy: [Oh Libi you are such an icon] Janis: [just like why you kissing are you boyfriend and girlfriend, Janis like shh bitch] Jimmy: [Jimothy's turn to be 😏 irl] Janis: [when you can't be like NO 'cos how confusing for the kids but you're like not gonna confess my love gal, hush, Libi is so gonna try and smooch Bobby watch out boy] Jimmy: [so here for that adorableness tbh] Janis: [when lil kids are like this is my boyfriend lmao] Janis: you've been replaced now Janis: how does it feel 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻😭😭😭 Janis: that's what you get Janis: dumping me mid proposal Jimmy: you keep saying that Jimmy: but from here I ain't proposed yet Janis: don't let on Janis: she'll be raging Jimmy: I'll take her with me tomorrow when I go pick the 💍 Jimmy: get her back on side Janis: got a plan for everything, you Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: wait until its later in the year and I'm jonesing for more 🎁 again Jimmy: no need, you can have owt you want whenever you want it Jimmy: there's the plan, like Janis: well goals 😍😍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: if nothing else Janis: plenty of 🌨 to play with tomorrow Jimmy: I do take requests Jimmy: have a 💭 what ⛄ you want Janis: well you are pretty skilled Janis: have to think of something challenging Jimmy: you've got all night Janis: if they ever go to sleep Jimmy: you'll have to read them a long boring story Janis: ❌ voices ❌ personal cameos for you kids Jimmy: get Bill's 👻 in Jimmy: owt of his'll get the job done Janis: 😱😱 so true but you didn't have to go there, babe Jimmy: he can't be fuming that I want you to stay with me, it's his whole brand Janis: 🤞 he don't get too carried away with your 💀 scene now or they'll be having nightmares and then there'll be no time for ⛄ Jimmy: they'll be able to hack it Janis: hack you up into lots of pieces Jimmy: don't matter about me, long as no 🐕s are 💀💀💀 Janis: if nothing he knows his audience Jimmy: I get it, you wanna marry him Janis: pretty sure he's married Janis: bet he's got more than 3 kids as well Jimmy: and what you're gonna let that stop you? doubt that Janis: rude Janis: breaking up Pete and his groupie is one thing Janis: homewrecking is another Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're 👌 at me now Jimmy: I just did do Jimmy: you'll be chuffed to know I had a look and he has got 3 kids Jimmy: one of them was a twin called Judith, so you might be his daughter Janis: like he had twins or one survived Janis: I'll take being the 💀 one if that's the option Jimmy: the dead one was a lad Janis: ugh Janis: great Janis: more lesbian jokes Jimmy: we've 💀💀💀 them, you're alright Janis: had no idea Judith was such an old name Jimmy: can't say I ain't taught you owt 🤓 Jimmy: know my audience an' all Janis: can't help yourself 🤓 Janis: I reckon Jimmy: you can't help nerd flirting with me, more like Jimmy: about to crack the chess set out, you Janis: chequers, maybe Jimmy: dunno never played Janis: just chess for thick people Janis: less 🤔🤓 more 🥴🤯 Jimmy: still too northern 💔 what were I gonna do make the bits out of 🥔 Janis: don't reckon we've got it in so you're safe Jimmy: what do you wanna do instead? Janis: that's the question Jimmy: answer it then Jimmy: [a LOOK] Janis: [😳] Janis: it's not obvious? Jimmy: might be but it should be just as obvious that I wanna hear it Janis: how badly I want some alone time with you just increased Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: worth a go Jimmy: [do your best to try and escape lads] Janis: [probably enough into our hot chocolate/festive film to give you a few minutes here] Jimmy: [take your chance and leg it] Janis: [lord knows you need the moment Jimmy: [it's deserved you didn't know you'd still be here with all these kids and no privacy whatsoever] Janis: [what a time, at least you don't have to go home and separate 'cos heaven forbid] Jimmy: [that would suck, the time between boxing day and nye is weird enough if you like your fam and aren't a highkey teen in love so] Janis: [hence 'I missed you' like you've not spent forever together at this point and barely been apart] Jimmy: [hence the most genuine smile ever like an adorable nerd because whatever he was expecting her to say was not that but we're here for it] Janis: [when you go to nudge him like shut up but it's more of a feelsy lean and we all know it 'sorry about missing work' 'cos we feel bad even if there's fuck all we can or could do about it] Jimmy: [always gotta give that feelsy lean back regardless of how much it hurts us which gets him thinking about how much work would suck being this injured so we're 😒 which makes it seem like we're really annoyed about missing work even though we know he'd rather be here, hence the shrug he does when he snaps out of said thoughts 'you're my fave job any road, said it before' stop calling her a job sir even if you said that in a more feelsy tone than the words suggest] Janis: ['charming as the first time' and a 🙄 we're probably playing off as more jokey than it is] Jimmy: ['nowt I'd wanna be doing more than pissing about here with you, what could be more charming than that?' maybe if you'd said that in the first place boy instead of calling her a job again] Janis: ['I'm against serving coffee to ungrateful dickheads, it's not much to brag about, like' but a shrug and 😏 'cos we're not fuming over it] Jimmy: ['loads else you could if you wanted to' just telling her she's 🥇 basically there 'but I'll do it if not' casual hypeman is how that sounds but we're just 😍] Jimmy: [when I was asleep a little list of things he likes about her/she could brag about came to me so I'll try and recreate it from memory for us now, first he was obvious and just wrote fit on her arm or wherever but then did a camera and painting mime to emphasise that and tell her she was a good muse before adding mysterious where he wrote fit but then it started getting cute cos he drew little vampire teeth in the air above her smile and a sun on her face which he added the 😁 grin to obvs and then because we were in that general area he wrote nerd in caps on her neck across the biggest lovebite because not only is she such a one but to include nerd flirting then we moved to her throat and he did 🗨 because he likes talking to her and added a 🎵 inside because she's genuinely a good singer then wrote fun before adding the ny as well cos she's also a laugh then he went down to where her abs are and wrote athlete also in caps because DUH and finally on her ribs did the ✔ again because she's been taking care of him and is so kind and nice etc and while he was there got carried away just drawing an elaborate and massive rose for all the love and feels we can't currently express] Jimmy: [there might have been others I'm forgetting but those were definitely the main ones] Janis: [I'm dying boo, we're going to have to be physical because if we aren't speechless then things will be said but it's going to be the most intense and loving ever so we know] Jimmy: [not letting that be interrupted, soz children fend for yourselves for a minute please] Janis: [it's not like we've gone far, you're fine and we need this so we don't die] Jimmy: [my half asleep day dream has killed us all I am soz] Janis: [we're not soz at all, y'all living your best life] Jimmy: [the feels have never been higher] Janis: [are gonna have to force you back in eventually] Jimmy: [if only so y'all don't declare your love in words as well] Janis: [smack on that window children because it's too damn soon hush] Jimmy: [Libi 👀 to see if you're kissing] Janis: [she's gonna tell everyone lmao, tiniest shipper] Jimmy: [I love her with my whole heart] Janis: [mcvickers getting that lowdown they did not ask for when we're back, accidental snitching, at least we're being good-ish lmao] Jimmy: [Fearghal gonna be so amused, Tess will not LOL but yeah you've taken good care of this bub so you win points for that lads] Janis: [can't say fairer than that] Jimmy: [gonna be so heartbreaking when you're not allowed to stay there and see Libi, I could cry] Janis: [we have to make things go so downhill in a sec in a lot of ways, sad times] Jimmy: [winnie will love the drama, but for now go inside and try and get these kids to fall asleep] Janis: [threaten them with separation if they don't start to chill, that'll work] Jimmy: [try not to lol at how horrified they are at the prospect] Janis: 😱💔💀 Jimmy: #relatable for you, that Janis: you wish Jimmy: 🎂 Jimmy: ain't even Jesus' birthday no more Jimmy: can't piggyback off that Janis: sound like a right parent Janis: over before it's even started Jimmy: none of the fans know when mine is, might just have it so you have to get me more 🎁🎁🎁 Janis: that's not fair Janis: you'll get whatevers left in the grabber and that'll be that Janis: you'll have to pretend you won it for me and all or it's not very #goals Jimmy: told you loads of times I don't play fair, Jules 🏆 and that's that Jimmy: spoil me on my fake birthday or you ain't very #goals Janis: well used to bdays not being fair 🎻🎻 Janis: 15 years too late for that to sting Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: hang on, I'll knock you up your own 🎂 Jimmy: [genuinely goes to make her a mug cake in secret, look away children there's none for you bye] Janis: such a 🤓 Janis: [like we're not 😍] Jimmy: So you don't want it? Alright Jimmy: [we know she do] Janis: never said that Janis: [grabby hands like gimme] Jimmy: [🤫 which he always looks hot doing like okay cover me so you don't have to share this with the children] Janis: [🤐 like I got this] Jimmy: [cleaning the kitchen but also sneaky doing this and when it's done gesturing for her to come here so they can swap places and she can sneakily eat it, just know he has 1000% put a little candle it in and lit it with the best lighter ever because every mum has a drawer of shit like that it's simply facts] Janis: [obviously taking a picture of this] Janis: why are you Jimmy: 'cause you're Jimmy: and I just Janis: you're Janis: too nice Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Janis: to me Jimmy: I'm as nice as I wanna be to you Janis: I ain't earnt it Jimmy: when have I said that? Janis: you haven't but it's still true Jimmy: up to me is what it is Janis: you hand out the 🏆 Jimmy: take yours Jimmy: you've been nice to me for ages Jimmy: what were it I said the other day, you'd be telling me to piss off by the end of this one Jimmy: worth a 🏆 that you've not Janis: just in it for the cake Janis: obviously Jimmy: you've done alright then Janis: it's not hard Janis: being nice to you Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say to make a cake Janis: [irl 😏 from the kitchen trying not to lol] Jimmy: didn't know I were fake dating a dickhead like Paul Hollywood Janis: again, you wish Jimmy: no denying that 👴💕 Jimmy: but I'll have to make do with a  🤝 off you for now Janis: [obviously come back over and do said handshake like a nerd and like it's not dangerous to be anywhere near each other rn] Jimmy: [you know he's gonna run his thumb across her lip whether there's any chocolate there or not because the mood we're in and we can pretend it's because it's so secret like can't let the children see the evidence] Janis: [thank god for the solid excuse to snuggle like we're going sleep now come on] Jimmy: [just 👀 at these kids all the damn time like are you asleep yet] Janis: [finally] Janis: I think she's asleep Janis: he's 50/50 Jimmy: [chucks something at him, softly obvs] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: that was a risk Jimmy: [😏 because we love a risk like that] Jimmy: didn't reckon on you as 🙀🙀 Janis: you reckoned right then Janis: good for you Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't get carried away Janis: I'm the one that's not scared Jimmy: prove it Janis: [a look that's half well how would you like me to do that and half, I'm thinkin'] Jimmy: [just a LOOK like] Janis: [I like to think you two are at least in the middle 'cos Libi and Bobby wouldn't stop chatting so you had to make a human barrier lol, so that makes it less hard to kiss him now and give him a new quick love bite but also harder to just stop there] Jimmy: [you know you're getting one back for literally no reason whatsoever gal] Janis: [casually trying have a makeout sesh in total silence rn] Jimmy: [we know how impossible that is for either of you so good luck] Janis: [gonna have to stop and pretend you're just being like, see, not scared] Jimmy: [gonna have to go for that ice bath for all the reasons now boy lol] Janis: they're definitely asleep Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: I would've woke up Jimmy: you don't sleep 🧛 Janis: you want me to? Janis: [turning our back like night then] Jimmy: [you know we're rolling you back to face us girl even if it hurts us because have to be hot about everything] Janis: [a noise we're 🤞 just sounds like a sleepy sound 'cos there was no helping it] Jimmy: [kiss her so you don't make any of your own thank you sir, don't need to tempt fate and risk waking these kids up that soon] Janis: [can't even go to another room really 'cos doubt Cass is asleep] Jimmy: [she definitely isn't, soz lads for this struggle] Janis: 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 😳 🥵 Janis: just so you know Jimmy: I did but now it's in writing I've gotta do something about it Janis: 👻 rules or? Jimmy: the only 👻 rule is no touching, don't reckon that'll sort it Janis: remind me why we invited them Jimmy: Ian's a twat, that were mostly it Janis: right Janis: that sounds about right Jimmy: least the 🐕's not here an' all Janis: 🌦 Jimmy: give us a bit more ☀ Janis: that's me and you though Jimmy: what kind of dickhead am I pushing in front of you like that? SO rude Janis: I'm so shy Janis: understated, honestly Jimmy: [when you're trying to stop yourself from loling] Janis: [fake punch him like oi] Janis: about to call you chivalrous but you can forget it now Jimmy: soz you can't have the 🙊 it's a bit too risky for me to use Janis: such an idiot Janis: why'd I invite you again Jimmy: Dunno Jimmy: @ me when you've worked it out Janis: you're too busy to show me? Jimmy: ❌ Jimmy: too something though Jimmy: 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 😳 🥵 Janis: you needed an ice bath anyway Janis: see how far we get without freezing? Janis: [getting up carefully to find 🚬s or a lighter like ?] Jimmy: [doing a help me up style gesture] Janis: [do, do not drop him now and do a throwback by kissing him against the door as you go out] Jimmy: [we love a throwback in this house honey] Janis: [thank god for cigarette breaks even though it will be very cold, we're extra] Jimmy: [your extraness will help keep you warm] Jimmy: [literally reminds me of when Baze had just got together and went on a caravan hol with the fam] Janis: [yes, very that energy, the sneaking is less high stakes but still] Jimmy: [you can go in harder than they could out there because less likely to be caught and less of a problem if you are so you're welcome for that] Janis: [literally we just don't want to wake the kids and make them cranky or cringe Cass out so you're fine lads, go nuts, who is at this caravan park in December, barely anyone] Jimmy: [fill your boots, you're very in love rn] Janis: [lowkey something is gonna get said during we're gonna have to pretend we do not hear lmao] Jimmy: [walking such a tightrope at all times, god bless] Janis: [go pretend to sleep lol] Jimmy: [the amount of things he would have to stop himself from saying when they are, you hush your mouth I swear down] Janis: [hence you ain't allowed, commit to this act please and ty, no more chit chatting] Jimmy: [he's not even allowed to say her name at this point so literally shhhhhh] Janis: [made that rod for your back boo lmao] Jimmy: [no regrets, it will HIT when he does] Jimmy: [you know he's not asleep though cos you know he can't get comfortable thanks for that Ian you dick] Janis: you should go get in a bed to yourself Janis: if he wakes up, I can tell him where you are Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: alright Jimmy: [just being fussy though so clearly isn't] Janis: you're never going to be able to sleep though Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: you're keeping me awake Jimmy: it's you 🗨 Janis: you're 😫😤 Jimmy: but not 😭😭 Janis: I can still hear you Janis: and you keep moving about because you can't get comfortable Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: I'm not Janis: go get comfortable and I'll keep an eye on them both, that's nice Jimmy: how's chucking me out nice? Janis: for the aforementioned reasons Jimmy: for you that I won't be doing your head in Janis: no, so you aren't in as much fucking pain, idiot Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [angrily stomp off for a wee hen] Jimmy: [do your own to that 🛏 when she gets back] Janis: [oh the drama] Janis: thanks Jimmy: there's nowt to stop you 😴 Jimmy: crack on Janis: hardly Janis: there's two small, wriggly children Janis: don't need to be moody about it Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: don't need to go on at me now you've got what you want Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: or 🙄 at me either Janis: alright, shut up then Jimmy: you Janis: it's not my fault Jimmy: never said it were Janis: then stop taking it out on me Janis: do something about it that's actually gonna help you feel better Jimmy: I've not, I've said nowt about it Jimmy: you're the one who can't leave it out Janis: you're in a mood Jimmy: not with you, dickhead Janis: I know that Jimmy: 💭 what it were like when you fucked your ankle up Jimmy: this actually were my own fault Janis: no it ain't Janis: and I'm meant to just ignore it then, alright Janis: won't be doing that, sorry Jimmy: Bollocks, you can't go about being a massive dickhead and expect no pushback Jimmy: but it weren't this bad before Janis: it's too far Janis: you could literally be in hospital and it wouldn't be an overreaction Janis: there's no call for that Jimmy: it ain't you who decides where the line is Jimmy: or where I'll end up Janis: it's a pretty widely agreed upon line Janis: he could ask garda if he wanted to do something about you taking the car Jimmy: we've been mates for a minute, what do you know? Janis: that doesn't have nothing to do with being able to tell he took it too far this time Jimmy: you don't know fuck all about me or what he has or hasn't done Janis: I've seen the state of you, for fuck's sake Janis: I'm not saying shit about previous or implying that it means anything but you can barely breathe right now Jimmy: the state of me is right, what bit of this has owt to do with you? Janis: I'm not going to piss about with you doing stupid shit if you aren't handling your actual Janis: that's what Jimmy: piss off Janis: you Jimmy: who the fuck are you giving me ifs and buts Jimmy: you piss about with me whenever it suits you Janis: fuck this Jimmy: yeah Janis: [hear that door go] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'll be back when I need to be Jimmy: for all you know you've woke every dickhead up and that's now Jimmy: but alright, keep giving it out like you're so bothered about the state of me and the bollocks I can't do while you leave me here on my own Jimmy: not fake at all Janis: I know it ain't Janis: and if you're gonna leave a 4 year old kid to freak out that'd be on you Janis: I don't have to stay and listen to you, who the fuck are you Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: I didn't slam the door, they're asleep Jimmy: that's alright then Jimmy: forget I said owt Jimmy: top reaction Janis: yeah 'cos you've got fuck all room to talk Janis: be better for you if I did Jimmy: I don't wanna do this Jimmy: talk about it Jimmy: have to fucking handle it or whatever it were that you said Janis: then don't talk about it Janis: it's the bare fucking minimum to not expect me to ignore that you're in pain Jimmy: and what, you think I don't know that? Jimmy: that I wouldn't do a better job of this if I could Janis: apparently, I've got no right so Jimmy: you shouldn't have to hack this an' all Janis: I don't Janis: all I was doing was saying go sleep on a proper bed Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: weird Janis: how is it Jimmy: I said I dunno Jimmy: it's been ages since anyone bothered to say owt worth listening to like that Janis: well Janis: why fuck yourself up more Janis: that's it, it's no deeper than that Jimmy: Why not? Jimmy: that's been the question up to now Janis: if you're gonna self-harm Janis: don't do it in front of me Jimmy: you get to hold the 🔪 my dear, and when you do it'll be a pisstake if you don't go harder than that Janis: I'm not playing right now Jimmy: nor me Jimmy: what I meant were, it don't matter to me what happens to me if it only happens to me Jimmy: very catholic of me, I know Janis: i'm not interested in having no more blood on my hands Jimmy: not bleeding out as of now Jimmy: you're welcome to piss off again if I ever am Janis: 👍 Jimmy: is it? Janis: yep Jimmy: what kind of answer is that? Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: and what kind of question is that an' all? Janis: I'm not in the mood Janis: to talk to you or do this Janis: I'll be back to do my share and then we'll go back as soon as we can Jimmy: just come back now Jimmy: it's freezing Janis: I'm fine Jimmy: I won't be if I have to piss about looking for you Janis: don't Janis: I know where I am, it's not your concern Jimmy: don't make me Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: is right Jimmy: come back and ignore me from here Janis: don't tell me what to do Janis: I'll come back when I'm ready Jimmy: don't be a twat Jimmy: then I won't have to Janis: how far do you reckon I've got in this time Janis: I'm basically outside Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Jimmy: might've 🏃 anywhere Janis: it's snowing Janis: in case you'd forgotten Jimmy: that'll be why I want you to come inside Jimmy: tah for recognising it Janis: don't come near me then Jimmy: alright Janis: [show up a few minutes later] Jimmy: [we do be giving her space like she requested thankfully but we have made her a tea because it's our love language and it is cold af out there no lie] Janis: [act like you're not gonna take it for as long as you can but clearly do] Jimmy: [go to your bed sir and give it a while before you come at her again] Jimmy: What did you mean? Janis: about what? Jimmy: you said you don't wanna do this, which bit? Janis: I was talking about tonight Janis: not permanent plans Jimmy: weren't how it sounded Jimmy: you had a plan and it were to piss off back there as soon as Janis: both gotta work Janis: both got kids that don't belong to us Janis: just the obvious next step, really Jimmy: if you wanna pretend that's why, go on, obviously Janis: I'm not pretending shit Jimmy: you don't have to be a massive dickhead to keep it going just 'cause I already were Janis: obviously I don't want to spend no more time with you too Janis: why would I Jimmy: no idea Janis: there you go then Jimmy: alright then Janis: she'll be gutted Jimmy: ? Janis: Libi Jimmy: already spent ages longer here than we were going to Janis: true Jimmy: and she don't need to know that you're #overit and me Janis: makes playdates a bit awkward Jimmy: what's a bit more faking? nowt we haven't done before Janis: right Jimmy: she's less thick than most of our audience but still only a kid Janis: no need to break them up Jimmy: agreed Janis: sorted Jimmy: ✔ Janis: anything else we need to? Jimmy: like what? Janis: dunno Janis: why I asked Jimmy: it's your question, weren't me who asked it Janis: I don't ask questions I know the answer to Janis: as a rule Jimmy: if you had something in mind, say it Janis: there's loads of shit Janis: potentially Janis: mainly how we're finishing this if we are Jimmy: up to you that Jimmy: it's you who wants to Janis: no it isn't Jimmy: weren't me who said I wanna go back or that I dunno why you're worth spending time with Janis: like you've not said shit tonight Janis: and neither of those is saying I want to finish it, anyway Jimmy: what else does not wanting to spend any more time with someone mean? Janis: we've been mates for what, a minute? Janis: we were doing it before then Jimmy: so you just don't wanna be mates? Janis: not worked out so great thus far Jimmy: bit rude Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: it were going alright Jimmy: you don't need to chuck it all Jimmy: not for something that weren't about you Janis: you bighead is really showing Jimmy: how is it? Janis: 'chuck it all' Janis: I was fine before you came about, tah Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: how you say shit matters Jimmy: how I say loads of bollocks Jimmy: you get most of it Janis: I'm dickhead lingual, I guess Jimmy: I'm sorry, alright Jimmy: for what I said when I was in pain, that load of bollocks Janis: if you never phrase it like that again Janis: alright Janis: forget about it Jimmy: deliberately will ALWAYS phrase it like that now, each time Janis: if you could not make a habit of it, be appreciated Jimmy: being a MASSIVE dickhead? bit late for that Janis: I can handle that Janis: taking shit back that you've said Janis: leave off that Jimmy: not a habit I want Jimmy: only fancy the ones that'll 💀💀💀 me which that ain't gonna if it makes you piss off out of it Janis: a deal then? Janis: deal back on, actually Jimmy: if we shake on it Janis: okay Janis: come out then Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: meant to take your advice and stay put like a good lad here 🛏 me Janis: you're awkward how and when it suits you Janis: [but does, obviously] Jimmy: [will shake your hand and pull you into a hug gal] Janis: [the most dramatic hug, definitely forgetting to be careful here soz] Jimmy: [not caring that much because we care more about the bae knowing how soz we are and how many feels we have] Janis: [likewise, the tension got too much and went wrong, as it does, and we're #shooketh] Jimmy: [straight up asking her to stay for a bit because we're in our emotions so we're just saying what we wanna say without thinking about it] Janis: [just nodding 'cos that's all we can do] Jimmy: [making room for her as if this isn't a single bed lol] Janis: [at least you'll remember to be careful again and not hug him so hard, but then you're like oh, 'cos don't want to make it a Thing™ again so 'sorry, if you think I was making it all about me'] Jimmy: [a noise like no that is not what we think because 1. the strength of how much we don't think that 2. what are words and just hugging her for the emphasis] Janis: [shrugs like it's okay but we're not gonna keep going like we don't believe him even if we lowkey don't] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ! 'I think it's more of a headfuck than you signed up for, nowt else'] Janis: [just looking like how do I even explain that that's not your fault and literally the last thing either of us should be concerned about because it does not matter, just shaking our head like nah] Jimmy: [playing with her hair cos it would've had snow on it recently because there is too much we wanna say about our feels and so much we feel like we can't say about our family situation] Janis: ['I CAN handle it' like trust me] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like same even though you lowkey can't] Janis: [soft kiss] Jimmy: [you can have some little kisses too gal like my boo loves] Janis: [just being the most soft] Jimmy: [you gotta] Janis: ['we're alright, yeah?'] Jimmy: [a nod because the emotions are still too high rn and I'm not letting you say shit thank you] Janis: [sigh of relief] Jimmy: [hugging you again cos we don't want you to leave] Janis: [you can stay here lads, the bubs will be alright and you'll hear if they ain't] Jimmy: [snuggle it's what you both need] Janis: [let 'em be for a hot sec] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [what shall we do in the AM?] Jimmy: [make breakfast together for these bubs obvs because all the domestic bliss needed] Janis: [might have to trek to the shop to get supplies, that'll be an adventure] Jimmy: [maybe you can make them some kind of sledge because you're both crafty art hoes] Janis: [I bet there's some kind of tings in a caravan that would work, cannot think what exactly but we know the vibes, get creative] Jimmy: [I wouldn't have the first clue but you two would figure it out and you can get Cass to help she'd be into that] Janis: [as well as snowball fight and snowman making competition, which are 2 points we wanted to hit too] Jimmy: [love that and you can also make snow dogs for these bubs] Jimmy: [the question is should we let them have another night here before we send them back or is that too dangerous] Janis: [I think we should for the danger of it/to prove we can lol] Jimmy: [I'm down, just don't have another argument please] Janis: [hohaha, be good] Jimmy: [I have faith in you] Janis: [the only thing I've said you've done is baking/crafts so apart from that enjoy your snow/beach funtimes, you should also get chips for dinner, obvs] Jimmy: [yeah I'm trying to think if there's anything else they should do] Janis: [there's potential the kids have said more? because this is a whole long weekend and they don't know/care not to so, that's potentially something we need to know] Jimmy: [oh that's a good idea, is there any tea you want spilled] Janis: [hmm, she'd probably just KEEP talking about her parents like all the things she's been told about Edie specifically, so all that tea, just more than we've got out so far] Jimmy: [likewise can picture Bobby really driving home the point that he doesn't have a mum and like what he remembers about her being basically nothing so it'd be obvious they haven't seen her for ages not just since they moved] Janis: [poor babs, just bonding and JJ are here like and I OOP] Jimmy: [I hope Cass isn't around when you're spilling that tea bub cos she will be fuming] Janis: [that is potentially a thing unless he knows better by now lol] Jimmy: [this boy living his best life with his new bff deal with it Cass] Janis: [soz hen, you'll be hanging with your new mates as much as you can so we're probably fine] Jimmy: [getting all that arcade swag] Janis: [love that we're pretending we don't hear any of this clear drama lmao ly babes] Jimmy: [poor Jimothy having to just sign all this back and forth like] Janis: [I do think for a bit Libi would keep shouting like he'll hear her eventually 'cos she's only little so that'll be amusing/a time just screeching everything lowkey] Jimmy: [that's really pure babe I do stan you] Janis: [people like that's a loud child lollollol] Jimmy: [I hope you're not still shouting when you go home hun, hilarious as that would be] Janis: [mcvickers like lawd, she'll be showing them how to sign what she's learnt like just in case bobby comes round] Jimmy: [which he definitely will at some point, all the playdates forever] Janis: [fully gonna just try and take herself to Jimmy's all the time like no gal] Jimmy: [shows up at his door because they literally live that close to each other everyone like !!!???] Janis: [troublemaker baby] Jimmy: [do so love the edition of her to this lil family unit JJ are making here though, she really does add to it] Janis: [agreed, it's very cute, she'd probably have told him about how Astrid is technically her auntie but like a year younger 'cos that's wild to kids, so gonna get a sense of how messy this fam is lol] Jimmy: [and she doesn't talk either so Libi would be used to having to find ways to communicate with her too even though we know Ro be pretending there's no issue rn] Janis: [exactly dr phil, we all been knew and trying to work around it apart from ro lmao, just giving a lowdown on every auntie she has which would be amusing and probably a lowkey drag for some of y'all ladies, we know Janis and Billie are her faves] Jimmy: [I can wholeheartedly support those faves gal, Billie would always be doing the most for her and Astrid, fuck you Ro you dusty bitch, Bobby would love all this cos they lowkey have no fam] Janis: [take 'em for rides on your fancy wheelz, they'd love that, just like you can come meet them when we get back like okay JJ, all this is happening regardless, soz] Jimmy: [if she was here you'd have a bomb sledge hens she's probably built Libi and Astrid all kinds of things, Bobby will love all of Ali's animals and shit she has too, casual farm moment] Janis: [probably telling you every cats name too, poor Jimothy is gonna need a break lol] Jimmy: [unrelated but related do you think Ali would have space for any horses because I have all that Cass horse content] Janis: [I think it makes sense, I too have some gay horse content, like it wouldn't be a working farm but I think she'd have various farmyard animals just for the household] Jimmy: [yeah it made sense to me too, like your auntie vibes] Janis: [mhmm, and it could've been just land when we inherited it but she's swagged it up now she has more time/the kids aren't bubs etc] Jimmy: [Bobby just asking if they can have a kitten, Jimothy like NO] Janis: [I'm cackling, 'cos Libi like YEAH] Jimmy: [just like okay can we have a chicken/pony/donkey whatever else creatures there are, Jimothy like lawd] Janis: [just shoving the whole barn into your rental home, god bless you tiny fools] Jimmy: [and then Bobby obvs wants to phone Twix and Jimothy is just trying to distract him because we don't wanna phone Ian and he won't play along with this thank you] Janis: [distract y'all with an activity fast] Jimmy: [they could make dog treats, it's not very difficult] Janis: ]that's a good idea boo] Jimmy: [casual gift to these pups] Janis: [they'll enjoy that, kids and dogs, also can have a tea party for the toy pups lol] Jimmy: [so CUTE gonna say that Jimothy draws you a little comic strip or something about these pups kids] Jimmy: [I don't know what daily doodle you're getting today Janis, but something loved up for sure] Janis: [frankly, we're all living today hun] Jimmy: [do you wanna do this night like we did the one before with them chatting again or are we just saying it's a chill loved up vibe?] Janis: [hmm hmm hmm, let's do it, maybe we can be cute] Jimmy: [you start it then gal cos I did before] Janis: [on it sonic] Janis: 🥇🏆💪 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: come on, we bossed it Jimmy: no need to sound surprised Jimmy: just that kind of team Janis: not going to disagree Janis: 🤐 'til they 😴 aside Jimmy: don't wanna fight with you either, you're alright Janis: really? Janis: 🍀 night Jimmy: unless you desperately wanna 🥊 with me, obvs Jimmy: can't turn you down then Janis: I'm gutted, obviously Janis: but I think I'll survive Jimmy: good Jimmy: 💀💀💀 ain't happening til they're 😴 either Janis: that's a promise? Jimmy: depends Janis: ? Jimmy: do you want me to break it or keep it? Jimmy: 'cause they might not be asleep for ages Janis: 😒 Janis: should've laced the hot chocolates, you're right Jimmy: we'll have to go properly on the run if either of them 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I'm in Janis: knew you would be Janis: you can break your promise then Jimmy: round 2 ☕ coming up Janis: 😏 Janis: warn me next time you plan on being so 😍 yeah Jimmy: be loads of warnings Jimmy: never shut me up Janis: just say you aren't up to it, babe Janis: 😶 Jimmy: Why would I lie to you, girl? Janis: well you don't need to shut up on my account Jimmy: I get it, you need 🔊 Janis: needs a big word Jimmy: is it? Janis: don't you think? Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: I know what I want Janis: you'll have to convince me on need Jimmy: alright Janis: not mad about it if you aren't Jimmy: Why wouldn't I be? Janis: it's been a pretty knackering day being the 😎 brother and translator Jimmy: *standard Jimmy: nowt if not used to all that Janis: alright, show-off Janis: you're 🥇 we get it Jimmy: you've done alright an' all, don't be 💔 Janis: don't worry Janis: not a title I'm after, I know I'm not that good Jimmy: how do you? Janis: I don't do half as much with Libi Janis: or for her Jimmy: she still reckons you're 🥇 I had to translate her going on and on about it Janis: don't act like it was a chore 😘 Jimmy: you just said it were Jimmy: make up your mind, Jules Janis: no I never Jimmy: knackering, I think it were Janis: that's looking after this lot Janis: not hyping me up Janis: that's a privilege, DUH Jimmy: so funny, you Janis: oi Jimmy: what? Jimmy: you wanted a compliment Janis: say it like you mean it, boy Jimmy: [writes it on her how he did the other day] Janis: [try not to lol 'cos we know you ticklish and 😳] Jimmy: [go over it again like look how much I mean this, soz gal] Janis: [just wriggling away like staph] Janis: you're such a pisstake Jimmy: what, you still don't believe me? Janis: I believe you Janis: don't tickle me again or I will have to get you back Janis: been warned Jimmy: [obviously does by writing how? as in how will you get me back?] Janis: ['scuse us for our lols children, I hope you're sleepy enough that this doesn't devolve into an entire group tickle fight lmao] Janis: [but the LOOK will speak for us regardless] Jimmy: [always gonna give you a LOOK back] Janis: [smile at him too, like we can't even help it] Jimmy: [of course you're getting one back too because that kind of thing is infectious but also 😍 because her smile is always cute] Janis: you're fit Jimmy: you Janis: you x2 Jimmy: you 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're being very giving with the 🏆s lately Jimmy: and what? Janis: maybe I think I should do more to earn 'em Jimmy: I might reckon you have Janis: I can do better Jimmy: go on then Janis: wait Jimmy: but Janis: blame them Janis: [pisstakey evils at the children] Jimmy: [just mime killing them in all the ways boy] Janis: when we get back Janis: you'll give me some alone time before you go Jimmy: that a question or an order? Janis: a ? would be polite, I guess Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: cheek Jimmy: I'll give you owt you want, since you asked Janis: *nicely Jimmy: you could do better Janis: ['please' in his ear 'cos deserved after the tickling] Jimmy: [bite your lip please sir because we all know that affected you very much but the children don't need to] Janis: [pleased with ourselves dot com] Janis: better? Jimmy: it'll do for now Janis: gutted they're too young to leave in the arcade as well Jimmy: or chuck out in the snow Janis: it is melting a bit Janis: can go back tomorrow Jimmy: 💔 Janis: not saying it to 💔 now Jimmy: 🤞 I ain't gonna start 😭😭 now Janis: you'd never Janis: too 😎 Jimmy: too northern Janis: same Jimmy: SO much in common, us Janis: Does that mean we ain't star-crossed enough? 😱 Jimmy: it'll mean the #haters have to work harder at it Jimmy: Bill's gonna be chuffed to bits with that Janis: true enough Janis: if you're still here when school starts, Lucas is ready and waiting Jimmy: do you reckon he got any new ties for christmas? Janis: from who? the ex Janis: unlikely, that bitch Jimmy: 🎅 DUH Jimmy: bound to be best mates Jimmy: both into having kids on their laps Janis: ugh Janis: 🎅 gonna have snitched about us Jimmy: be about right Jimmy: fucking dickhead Janis: 💔 Janis: no presents no more lift offers Jimmy: only the full orchestra following you round Jimmy: poor baby Janis: tell me about it Janis: gonna be depressing as fuck Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: you're my ☀ Janis: 🔫 the 🥁 for me Jimmy: what? Janis: don't orchestras have drummers? Janis: 🎹🎻 then Jimmy: bit weird that you went right for him 🎯 Janis: so #notlikeothergirls of me Jimmy: not knowing if he exists Jimmy: might be a copout of you Janis: just meant he ain't the lead singer but yeah Janis: ask Pete Jimmy: can't be, that's you Janis: well I am my own favourite person but no need to spread that about Jimmy: can't do that either, your fav's meant to be me Janis: hang on Janis: I'll post something to that effect Janis: [do] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [have a little socials flirting sesh to further ramp up the tension that's always there] Janis: [you're always about that kids] Jimmy: ☕? Janis: if you mean tea Janis: I'll 🤮 if I have another hot chocolate Janis: and the gals aren't here to impress Jimmy: 🐕🍪? Janis: fuck off 😏 Jimmy: [IRL 😏] Janis: [just checking him out whilst he makes tea so casually] Jimmy: [will do the lingering touch when he gives it to her cos we're in a rom com] Janis: I get it, you miss work SO much Jimmy: nowt to do with missing you Janis: don't be silly Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: insensitive to suggest we deafen her too? 🤷 Jimmy: she has done every other dickhead Janis: 😂 Janis: only fair Jimmy: [mime some ways you can deafen this poor bub] Janis: [trying not to IRL 😂] Jimmy: [trying not to be 😍 af because she's the cutest] Janis: face'll get stuck like that Jimmy: already stuck as 😒 Janis: exactly Janis: don't ruin it Jimmy: know how much you're into 🥺 though Jimmy: [does it] Janis: [pinching his bottom lip between her finger and thumb like she's so 😒🙄 but there's no hiding the truth hen] Jimmy: [once again running his thumb across her bottom lip because we don't need a reason] Janis: [holding his hand but squeezing it first 'cos must] Jimmy: [drawing a ! on her hand because we get it] Janis: you're Jimmy: [drawing a really slow ? as we give her a LOOK] Janis: [shaking our head, like I can't] Jimmy: [draw a 🗨 like tell me] Janis: all things considered Janis: this has been alright Jimmy: yeah Janis: I mean it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: [looking away 'cos we're so overwhelmed and 🥰] Jimmy: [kiss her because likewise] Janis: [don't hate children] Jimmy: [we know you ship it] Janis: [reminds me, Libi probably saying something so embarrassing about 'when they get married' like gal shut up but never do] Jimmy: [about to sob because they will and you can be a bridesmaid gal even though you'll be a teen by then] Janis: [so nice, 'cos Edie wouldn't have been old enough for a proper one which is sad, at least she'd start going on about hers and Bobby's so y'all don't need to feel too awks lol] Jimmy: [break my heart boo cos yeah they would've been engaged but she was but a child still so no actual wedding for y'all] Janis: [she was only 16 for like 2 months so even if Ali had agreed] Janis: [omg hang on] Janis: [what if she did 'cos like, end of the day, make your own mistakes etc and who is she to say no 'cos Cali lmao but technically Drew could be considered to have 'parental responsibility' if he's been paying which let's say he has, it seems wishy-washy but if he was like NO, 'cos just show up to do the least last minute is such a vibe for him, I think it'd count 'cos you need both parents if you have 2] Jimmy: [I love that and we must because it was like OG Cali vibes to have an underage teen wedding moment] Janis: [like so sorry do not need to be creating drama last minute in your life but also it makes sense, because as much as it's like who tf are you, it'd be conflicting because she's only wanted a dad and for him to care this whole time so] Jimmy: [soz not soz about how happy this makes me and Libi will have that wedding video to go with all the others she has] Janis: [it just makes sense that they'd try, obviously, that Ali would say yes even if she's got the reservations she has, so yeah, anyway, that's not to do with y'all lmao I just had a thought] Jimmy: [gutted this isn't Ali's caravan cos there would've been a whole dressing up box for you bubs if it were] Janis: [you can have a fake wedding when you are home lol] Jimmy: [for now make some paper doll bride and grooms that'll keep you busy] Janis: [burn that evidence, Tess is gonna be horrified, like what's this about ANOTHER teen wedding] Jimmy: [honestly this fam do make me cackle] Janis: [not enough time has passed since ruster getting married at 18 we're all triggered lmao] Jimmy: [would Edie's be before theirs or after? I get so confused] Janis: [hmm, let me think, theirs would be about 34...which is when Libi is born, so yeah, Edie is about 15 so it's the year before, 'cos obviously they get married like RIGHT before they die in 35] Janis: [talk about a YEAR for the fam, hi I'm having a baby @ 14 and hi I'm getting married to my cousin @ 18 oh and I'm also going to get pregnant] Jimmy: [we are so wild I love us] Janis: [if anyone's kids would, it is Alison's but omg, we're shooketh, not to mention we cripple Billie, then the Junior baby drama...no one getting out unscathed] Jimmy: [and now we've got jj triggering everyone and Grace out here about to also think she's a teen mum for a hot sec] Janis: [this is why everyone chats shit about y'all, but imagine the lowkey weird guilt 'cos nothing does happen to the twins really, aside from the obvious, but it's bad enough this all happens in your fam and then everyone won't shut up about it like] Janis: [also Nancy and Ava by that extension 'cos Buster embroils himself in it all and the Chloe and James of it] Jimmy: [that's why Grace is how she is guys, this fam and shit nan ruining her life lowkey] Janis: [when you can't complain 'cos it's like um well Edie's dead and Billie is crippled for life so bye, hence Janis just does as she pleases and is a bitch to everyone 'cos call her a troublemaker and whatever then, like fine, it's better than trying to deal and act like you're #grateful and #blessed] Janis: [and that's all the drama that's yet to come out, oh guys] Jimmy: [I'm gonna go re-read what I said about Jimothy's ex on the school trip because only time she's been mentioned and maybe tone that situation down depending what I've committed to because the cali fam is a LOT] Janis: [I remember the basic vibe was pregnant and with her dad's friend but yeah, go look] Jimmy: [yeah but hopefully I haven't gone in mentioning that so far and we can be like ❌] Janis: [yeah, even if it was just a lad her own age-ish and preggo now, 'cos it may have even been 2 kids and they're only 15 now so] Jimmy: [I think we've got away with implying she's a very messy bitch who has now changed her ways at least somewhat so that's fine because I don't think I've mentioned her in any of the festive convos] Janis: [we'll let you live gal] Jimmy: [anyway we've been derailed] Janis: [truly, y'all want to settle these children down again tah] Janis: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: [get in your little den bubs] Jimmy: *🥱🥱 Jimmy: 🤞🤞 Janis: Ideal Janis: just saying, not going to their wedding Jimmy: we'll be long 💀💀💀 mate, don't worry Janis: not if she makes herself a loo roll veil and has done with it Janis: poor Bobby has had no say in the matter Jimmy: ain't seen him shake his head Janis: such a romantic Jimmy: Dunno where either of 'em get that from Janis: dread to think Jimmy: no need to 💭 about owt that isn't #goals, you're alright Janis: 🤵👰💀🤢 Jimmy: don't fancy the look of your new scale much Janis: 😏 Janis: not a question I'd even fake pop, don't be 😱 Jimmy: not even if every dickhead but me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺?! Jimmy: so 💪🏆🥇 you Janis: even if I had fuck all, you wouldn't be getting half of it Jimmy: keep your 🐕🏃💰🔐 I get it Janis: you don't whore for those tips for nothing, yeah Jimmy: in the job description, that Janis: why else would you apply Jimmy: my ☕🎨 going unappreciated in this lifetime is an #ultimatekink Janis: of course Janis: 💔 fuels your craft Jimmy: 🖋✎🖌🔪🔧🔨🪓 Janis: 🥱 to 🤤 Jimmy: massive scale that one Janis: one time speed is impressive Janis: have it Jimmy: if you ain't bringing up either of us being 🥇 at driving Janis: that aside Janis: 🏃 too Janis: not where my 🧠 was obvs Jimmy: tah for not wanting to piss off Jimmy: mine's not on 🎨 at this very minute so I ain't after the 💔 Janis: 💀💀 Jimmy: ? or ! Janis: bit of both Janis: request and an order Jimmy: come here then Janis: [a look like dare I/do I but also a LOOK obvs] Jimmy: [giving a LOOK back always] Janis: [get snuggled in this den moment best you can without disturbing the kiddos] Jimmy: [being as sneaky as we can cos don't need these kids getting extra about your rom com life again but pulling her into his lap, injury be damned because we miss it] Janis: [missed it too and our expression would say as much] Jimmy: [it's been forever like literally pub crawl was the last time] Janis: [upsetting and rude, frankly] Jimmy: [it really is, excuse you Ian] Janis: [thank god she's skinny if tall, not gonna kill you] Jimmy: [gotta do what we gotta do cos shameless fave thing ever] Janis: [just drawing doodles all over his arm with her finger] Jimmy: [playing with her hair while she does] Janis: [we're happy and that always scares us ah] Jimmy: [likewise, oh lads] Janis: [go on your phone and see about the NYE party you aren't gonna get to go to and show him like] Jimmy: [ooh good idea boo] Janis: [are we saying it's at Mia's or did I imagine that] Jimmy: [I think we did to make it more of a thing that they don't go, because we all know Mia literally never hosts a function like it's only this all year] Janis: [so it would be such a to-do for the flat whites 'cos lord knows you've not got the reps you think you have ladies] Jimmy: [yeah exactly and we know her and Pablo are over/on the rocks so she'd be even more extra about it] Janis: [thankful we miss it tbh] Jimmy: [hard same and not just cos I love the drama] Janis: [its all the drama mick, we know it'll be a terrible party but yes, rn you can plan how you're gonna slay it if you wanna] Jimmy: Go on, how are we topping 🎄 with them? Janis: already done 😇 Janis: so it'll have to be 🌟 Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say 😈 Janis: also a possibility Janis: this party is one of the only way she has of winning + at this point Janis: how do we really ruin it for - Jimmy: where's her dad? be real hell for him, this Janis: some beach in the Caribbean Janis: he couldn't miss that to continue her punishment Janis: 💔 he don't care as much as you thought, babe Jimmy: still probably won't take much to get him back Jimmy: that lass ain't had another go at a party since we fucked up hers Janis: he is with her mother so fuck knows how he manages to have a good time Janis: assumedly it's one giant swingers convention or whatever Janis: true, I wanna do it worse though Janis: more personal, just need to 💭 how Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you want me to 💀💀💀 them for you Janis: like the sound of that Jimmy: so say it and I'll do it Janis: that's how it works, yeah Jimmy: you can have owt you're after from me, you know it works like that Janis: only if we post it Jimmy: you've got my permission to hold my 📷 while I've got the 🔪 Janis: 😍 Janis: can't promise quality Jimmy: what are you promising? Janis: you know what Jimmy: don't get more top quality than 🥇 Janis: whatever you want Janis: that's what I'll give you Jimmy: I just want Janis: go on Jimmy: [kiss her please because I'm not going to let you say something extra right now] Janis: [intense silent kisses ftw rn] Jimmy: [I do hope these children are asleep because silent is not his forte for very long] Janis: [we'll give you that, as Libi has already rinsed you lol] Jimmy: [and keeps spilling all the fam tea] Janis: [gotta let you have something lads or you'll go cray] Jimmy: [and we're ruining it all for you soon] Janis: [ugh shit nan, soz not soz you're getting floored hen] Jimmy: [honestly wish it was worse cos so deserved] Janis: [as if this is the time for you to drag up Caleb's drama, like didn't even mention he had to go and get killed, like ffs] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali will ban you from the gaff because we're all sick of your shit my love] Janis: [we were humouring you to be nice but like, no] Jimmy: [the amount of chances she's already given you through the years, dread to think tbh] Janis: [we all know she gives too many, like she never banned either Caleb or Drew from seeing their kids or being involved, she's not that bitch if she doesn't have to be] Jimmy: [likewise with Joe and Ronnie, nothing if not consistent and I love you gal] Janis: [and ro lbr] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [oh rosaline, this do not be about you though, again, off topic] Jimmy: [I wanna say he's thought of something to ruin this party we don't get to go to because we just wanna give the bae everything she wants but I don't know what] Janis: [we can because as it won't get to come to fruition, we can be vague lol, just kissing him even harder] Jimmy: [how intensely we're doing literally everything rn because the feels are so high] Janis: ['we need to go' when you mean to the bedroom but that just comes out that dramatically lol, obviously we're whispering 'cos if you wake up now lmao] Jimmy: [try not to fall over the obstacle course of all the stuff these children have left everywhere because we all know you're gonna kiss the whole way there because forever a cliche] Janis: [as funny as that would be, one of you is injured and the other has only just recovered so be careful tah] Jimmy: [and you'd be fuming if you got cockblocked rn, we don't need another argument happening between anyone] Janis: [Cass I hope you're out or otherwise entertained 'cos yeah] Jimmy: [maybe you're asleep too tbf because we never get any at home and you've been busy having friends and living your best life] Janis: [let's go with it, we're all content] Jimmy: [hook up to your heart's content lads we'll be sending you back in the morning] Janis: [so you'll be going back 28th, just so we know where we are] Jimmy: [thank god you can work things out properly my boo] Janis: [gives us a few days to do with what we want so that's nice] Jimmy: [is there anything else on the list or have we done it all?] Janis: [the only things we have is Twix being ill and one of Asia's sisters having a bday party, we could do Twix in this period, can't really do a party between xmas and ny even they're not that dumb] Jimmy: [we should do that bday party when she gets back and things are really awkward between them because Bobby can be like I want Libi to come with me because they thing they are in love rn] Janis: [yeah, and they could fuck with Asia and when have they needed much more than a flimsy excuse so] Jimmy: [that was my thought, an excuse to get them back together that isn't just school] Janis: [think that was the plan, we can skip to when they're back if you'd like, don't think this has been that long] Jimmy: [I know we always say that but it shouldn't have actually been that long this time lol] Janis: [we alright, also back home and separated] Janis: everyone's sufficiently sure we haven't permanently damaged the kid here so 🏆 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Ian ain't gonna give me no 🏆 Jimmy: no longer the season Janis: and his nice act was SO convincing Jimmy: IKR Janis: 🙄 if I needed acting lessons Janis: which I don't Jimmy: you're in luck there 'cause my mum'd be the one for it putting up with his bollocks for as long as she bothered Jimmy: but about as likely as him chucking out the welcome wagon for us Janis: Shame Janis: better not tell him about the wedding Janis: 😡 🤬 all 'round Jimmy: the 💰 saver of making it a double might do something about that but with how you feel about sharing Jimmy: it'd be you fuming Janis: look like we'd hired mini-mes Jimmy: bit of a mix up with yours Janis: it happens Janis: get what you pay for 🎻 Jimmy: she's spot on with matching your ☀ personality, babe Jimmy: nowt else matters Janis: low Janis: don't compare me to a toddler 😂 Jimmy: work on her volume 🤏 and no dickhead'll know the difference Janis: you're gonna talk big now I can't do nothing about it Janis: twat Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: doing my bit so you ain't 💔 missing us Janis: very thoughtful Janis: I'll be buzzing to sleep in a proper bed on my own Jimmy: just that kind of twat, me Janis: I know Janis: how many treats he given the dog then? Jimmy: come on, none of us can count that high Jimmy: need you for that Janis: I'll have to come see you then Jimmy: won't let you 😴 heard you about wanting your own bed Janis: it's not that good, honestly Janis: but you know Jimmy: sounded alright to me, might just be the no kid 💭💡 though Janis: yeah Janis: unlucky Janis: least you won't have to make a fort every night Jimmy: depends how 💔😭🎻 he gets missing her Jimmy: might have to do all sorts of bollocks Janis: 😏 Janis: tin can phone might actually work from that distance and with her volume Jimmy: dinner and tonight's crafts ✔ Janis: caravan life makes you so resourceful Jimmy: ⛺️ next? Janis: calm down bear grylls Jimmy: only answer to daddy 🐻 or baby when you INSIST on a compromise Janis: well, baby Janis: imagine the previous 2 nights, in a tent, with no room to hide Jimmy: all of it or just the bits I wanna 💭? Janis: the bits you wanna wouldn't have a lot of hope of repeating, is my point Janis: unless yours is making dog treats was your fave Jimmy: OBVS Janis: dickhead Jimmy: time of my life that were, think about it constant, no room for nowt else but 🐕🍪 Janis: yeah, you do LOVE that dog Janis: fair enough Janis: you two go on your camping holibobs Jimmy: bit rude you're not coming, but alright Janis: no room Jimmy: loads under the ⭐s girl Janis: 🤩 Janis: tents are for pussies Jimmy: it's a yeah now then? Janis: just us? Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: bit unfair to call the kids pussies but probably more unfair to make 'em rough it like that Jimmy: reckon I'll just leave the 🐕 with our kid, so he's not as 💔😭🎻 you reckon he's not 💪😎 Jimmy: it's a 👶 an' all Janis: I never slagged him off Janis: he's alright Janis: just Jimmy: just us Janis: yeah Janis: and all the ⭐s Bill knows the names of Jimmy: he'd have me name them after all the ones I've got for you Janis: why the pricks not invited Jimmy: keep it between us that we're even going Janis: 🗢🔒 Jimmy: til we get there Jimmy: 🗨🔊 then if you want Janis: *need Janis: least we get to christen Mia's bed this party Jimmy: 🤞 we find her diary an' all Janis: can put it on the site Janis: the good bits, anyway Jimmy: trash her room since she was so chuffed the last time Janis: wonder if daddy keeps anything incriminating about the house Jimmy: he'll have an office Jimmy: dickheads who spend every minute at work always do Janis: yeah, I know the sort Janis: and keeping it locked'd be too suspicious Jimmy: piss easy Jimmy: where on the scale'll 💀👑 end up if we christen his desk an' all? Janis: I'd guess 😩 🥺 😢 😭 but we'll see 'cos I know where I am Jimmy: go on Janis: guess first Jimmy: or what? Janis: I won't tell ya Janis: play the game Jimmy: you're 😳 Janis: close Janis: 🤯 you keep having such good ideas Janis: 😣 it ain't tonight Jimmy: might have a 🥇💡 for tonight if you play nicely yourself Janis: how do I do that? Jimmy: do you need me to tell you? Jimmy: done a top job of it without that Janis: might be part of the fun Jimmy: I dunno what fun we're having yet, just that Ian'll have had an easy go of it while we were gone Janis: bet it was well hard for him to act like he gave a shit you was gone for longer Janis: plenty of ways to get to the truth of it Jimmy: can't promise you'll 👀⭐'s but there'll be 🎆🎇 Janis: I'm in Jimmy: we should be out first, dunno why I'm pissing about here when he is to chuck the kids at Janis: there is loads for Bobby to tell him Jimmy: and my sister to go on about an' all Jimmy: and there's this Jimmy: [evidence of whatever carnage Twix has caused] Janis: 🙌 Janis: told you she was on side Jimmy: [evidence of how much she's wilding because they are back and she is lowkey scared of Ian] Jimmy: Dunno about that, doing my head in already, her Janis: n'awh Janis: shut up you 💘 it Jimmy: sounds and feels right fake Janis: then you're used to it Jimmy: you coming out or what? Janis: you reckon that's how Romeo got invited up the balcony mate Jimmy: no hot chocolate included in my invite, what more to do you want, Jules? Jimmy: 🌹? Janis: yeah Janis: love 💀 things Jimmy: chuck me off the balcony then Janis: don't tease me, baby Jimmy: I mean it Janis: where do you wanna meet Jimmy: where are you? Janis: still at my grandparents so Jimmy: Alright, hang on Janis: where do you wanna go Jimmy: where do you? Janis: I don't care Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: yeah Janis: it really don't Jimmy: just don't let Libi see us Janis: I'll come out Janis: she's not taking over again tah Jimmy: I'll warm you up Janis: I'm not scared, remember Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can Jimmy: if I don't I know what will do Janis: scare me? Jimmy: 🌡 Janis: bighead 😏 Janis: not not true though Jimmy: you and your one track 🧠 sweetheart Janis: Bill ain't invited Janis: don't need to pretend Jimmy: Oi, I've got a 🎁 for you and it ain't just 🍆🎀 Janis: what you done that for Janis: not christmas no more Jimmy: 🎅's for life Jimmy: so's pissing off Ian Janis: oh, go ahead 🍾 Jimmy: [show up boy because she's not far and hand over what you've stolen from Ian's replenished stash and I'm gonna say one of the bottles has a post it stuck to it with today's doodle which is like something to do with them stargazing obvs] Janis: [take the bottle and stick the post it on his head whilst you take a swig 'did he find his car or what' 'cos we left it somewhere then dipped so] Jimmy: [stick it on her back like excuse you it's for you when you take the bottle to take your own swig and then nearly choke cos you're loling because he hasn't because I see no reason why he would have considering where they left it and he knows nothing about Janis or where she lives] Janis: [stick it on the back of your phone or something to keep it safe, shaking our head and smirking because it's funny but also 'what's your long term plan?'] Jimmy: [shrugs 'depends' like it's so casual and we don't think about how much we hate Ian constantly lol] Janis: ['yeah, depends if he takes it to the police' kicking a stone as we walk 'we'd both be seen in it on CCTV' shrugs 'you probably want to return it or make sure someone worse takes it now'] Jimmy: ['he's not that kind of dickhead' because he isn't lbr 'he can have it back before he's in work again, don't need him hanging about having a longer holiday'] Janis: [nods like good 'glad you have a plan' and a look like NEVER had one of them before lollol] Jimmy: [a look like are you because we know we're all thinking about if this plan works and he has to leave] Janis: [shrugging it off 'not getting arrested for you' and quickening our step so we're a beat ahead] Jimmy: [💔 mime before she gets ahead of us and lighting a 🚬 when she is] Janis: ['bit rude' when you're not offered one immediately] Jimmy: [pull her back a step like it was rude of you to walk off and so you can light one for her in a saucy and intimate manner] Janis: [this 😒😣 truly I shan't elaborate] Jimmy: [a look like what even though we know] Janis: [taking the bottle back like that's what] Jimmy: [writes a ? in the condensation on the bottle because we like being annoying] Janis: [rubs it out and uses said condensation to draw a cross on his forehead] Jimmy: [that's cold and ticklish so we gotta retaliate by putting our forehead to hers OBVS even though we literally could have done a million other things] Janis: [the effort of NOT kissing him right now just to prove a point] Jimmy: [when you could just kiss her but you want her to do it so you're just doing the thing where you pull her closer to you even though you're already close af] Janis: [can't even LOOK at him you're that close, just this bottle between 'em] Jimmy: [you can lick your lips though boy and you shall] Janis: [bite your own like how dare you] Jimmy: [pull her hair like how dare YOU and also to bring her even closer] Janis: [noise between a gasp and you know what] Jimmy: [getting one back always] Janis: ['why'd you have to-' but interrupting ourself to kiss him finally] Jimmy: [have an intense makeout sesh for a bit] Janis: [idk where you are randomly in the street tis the season] Jimmy: [they blatantly are and I love that for you] Janis: [always the vibe, always the mood] Jimmy: [trying to think of somewhere you could go even though neither of you actually care] Janis: [oh the places you can't go when you're a teen or lowkey ever, just chillin'] Jimmy: [would love if there was somewhere you could go 'camping' for a little moment but idk] Janis: [there's always the park but yeah literally idk where else] Jimmy: [everywhere else would probably be a trek sadly] Janis: [maybe you can go cali house way, there's ample camping space there but probably not tonight luvs] Jimmy: [put a pin in that dream] Janis: [emotions too high rn] Jimmy: [rn and forever tbh] Janis: [we're not okay but also the best we've been in forever, very confusing lmao] Jimmy: [we know he's in exactly the same boat and that's why you are #fated] Janis: [what a time] Janis: [you should probably have to go properly home at some point tonight gal] Jimmy: [can't avoid it forever we haven't moved you in yet] Janis: [and you have been gone since boxing day so your mother would kinda exist hen] Jimmy: [yeah exactly and you don't hate her as much now she's a sassy single mum so] Janis: [yeah we're not thrilled by it all but we are gonna be running away soon so we'll give you a hot sec fam] Jimmy: [you can't be together always lads it's too dangerous because of all the shit we can't let you say] Janis: [plus Junie hasn't made an appearance this year so you all have to go a bit harder than normal soz] Jimmy: [that whole shitshow is very fresh] Janis: [mhmm, it's very recent lmao, and Caleb and honestly Edie, oh the mess, god sake shit nan why] Jimmy: [we're all struggling, not to mention we said that Carly died around this time of year so Ali really doesn't need this shit nan] Janis: [sad times all round honey] Jimmy: [remind me to decide when Jimothy's mum went missing in terms of that anniversary because I've not] Janis: [noted] Janis: [enjoy that bus gal] Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤖 Jimmy: if the driver ain't human, it ain't me you wanna be telling Janis: you with your facebook ma 👍 Janis: the driver is deffo human, can smell him from here Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: might be trying to get a lift to anywhere Janis: not quite the midnight train Jimmy: can't be bothered to wait that long Janis: let me know how anywhere is Jimmy: no need Jimmy: you can have the 👎 now Janis: oh, it is you Janis: 😒 Jimmy: who else were you after? Janis: checking you weren't 🤖 Janis: or 👵 Jimmy: 👴 Jimmy: soz to 💔 you Janis: why would that 💔 me Janis: my type, no Jimmy: you've had to piss off, for a start Janis: I'll survive Janis: have to pick up all the farmyard critters your brother ordered anyway Jimmy: tah for that Janis: you're welcome Janis: 🤠 Jimmy: 🤞 there's no room left for Ian Janis: maybe in the shed Janis: if he's lucky Jimmy: the trampoline's a good shout Janis: 🤔 might be too much fun Jimmy: with his back? Nah mate 🎻🎻 Janis: 😂 Janis: least he doesn't have the 👵 bladder Jimmy: he's welcome that we keep nicking his stash Janis: I appreciated my gift Janis: even if it weren't 🍆🎀 Jimmy: far as street corners go, didn't reckon that one were 💰💰 Janis: I weren't gonna tip you Jimmy: 👵👜💰 Janis: she was not gonna get involved Janis: watch, maybe Jimmy: that's what I said Jimmy: different street maybe Janis: well it's pretty rude you can't perform without a big audience Jimmy: never said that Janis: hmm Jimmy: weren't asking for a review either but alright Janis: not giving one don't worry Jimmy: it's the fans who'll be dead relieved Janis: that we don't hoe it up on street corners? Janis: as they weren't there with 📱s out, probably Jimmy: that and you don't reckon I'm always ready to perform Janis: I'd never say that Jimmy: you did Janis: not to the fans Jimmy: you're alright, not my own biggest one Janis: yeah right Janis: your head is the the only one to maybe rival mine in size Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: dunno which 👵 or 🤖 you're on about Janis: you aren't shy Jimmy: you got a scale for that an' all? Janis: 😶🤐😬🙃😲😁😩🤮 Janis: something like that Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: I know you're 😁 Janis: but I'll 🤐 Jimmy: you Janis: you reckon? Jimmy: duh Janis: pretty nice Janis: could've gone 😲 Jimmy: still time for you to change my mind if you're that 💔 Janis: you like calling me scared, is all Janis: I'd go for 🙃 Janis: very dead in the eyes Jimmy: 👍's a bit strong Janis: yeah, it's an exclusive list Jimmy: obvs your 👀 are on it Janis: just my eyes? Jimmy: you reckon I never answer questions, what makes you think I'll do that one? Janis: miss 100% the shots you don't take, babe Janis: worth one, like Jimmy: I get it, you miss your coach and teammates Janis: coach is a bit much for the PE teacher who oversees all the girl's teams Janis: but whatever fantasy you're having, go off Jimmy: it's your 💭💕 Janis: fuck off is it Jimmy: SUCH a #lad I only know about 🥤 shots Janis: we're pretending you're a jock now Janis: okay, catching up Janis: 📸❌ Jimmy: Bill will be fuming if we start performing Grease Janis: such a snob Janis: loves the limelight way too much, that one Jimmy: you'll have to picture me in short shorts on your own time Janis: when I'm not thinking about my teammates, I'll give it a 💭💕 Jimmy: brb 💭 about the wrestling bit of the montage 🤼💕 Janis: pervert Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, what happened to whatever fantasy I were having, crack on? Janis: I can't help not being a lesbian Janis: you'll have to keep it in your head, won't you Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: you're such a twat Jimmy: SO complimentary today, you Janis: yeah, warn me if you want to screenshot and I'll bother Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Whatever Janis: talk to you later Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: cool Jimmy: is it? Janis: 'course Janis: I've got nothing to say about this bus, you're chatting shit Jimmy: bit rude Janis: is it? Jimmy: how isn't it? Janis: Some things my one track mind ain't interested in Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: just stop taking the piss Jimmy: alright Janis: sorry, I'm not in the mood Jimmy: What's wrong? Janis: just Janis: the lesbian shit Janis: I know you were joking but don't Jimmy: It's my homoerotic scene not yours, you're not Danny Zuko, soz girl Janis: alright, foreign exchange student Jimmy: I'm not into firing shots that'll actually wound you Jimmy: blanks are 👴 perks Janis: alright Janis: let you off then Jimmy: 🤞? Jimmy: no point you being fuming if I can't see how fit you look Janis: going home is shit Janis: know you already have Jimmy: I've not Janis: you've not? Jimmy: there's every point Ian being fuming and he won't be if I'm about to 🐕🏃 or babysit Janis: where are you gonna go Janis: for the forseeable Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: Come on Janis: I wouldn't have gone yet Janis: if you'd said Jimmy: that'll be why I didn't Janis: you're going to be bored Janis: and cold Jimmy: I'm northern Janis: now I seem like a total dick, right Jimmy: you went 'cause you had to Janis: least all the pubs are open Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: I'll find some 👴 mates Janis: yeah Janis: you will, right Janis: or go church, ALWAYS open, you know Jimmy: Jesus IS my BFF Janis: exactly Janis: keep you warm Jimmy: bit of 🙏'll do that Janis: ah, the homoeroticism strikes again Jimmy: nowt warmer than hell fire, babe Janis: I'll see you there still Janis: loads of ways to get in Jimmy: alright, but I only wanna see you if you recreate your angel outfit Janis: 😈 is a fallen angel Janis: he'll allow it Jimmy: chuffed to bits to know he'll be a fan Jimmy: loads of ours won't make it down Janis: they lack the imagination Janis: 💔 Jimmy: what they lack would be a massive list Jimmy: I'd bother telling you what else I like before I did them bulletpoints Janis: 🥧🍺🥔👀 Janis: I can keep up Jimmy: ain't you who's illiterate Janis: welcome for the pictures Janis: you can give me one more, for being nice Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: copout but fine Janis: add it to the list Jimmy: you never said it had to be one you didn't know Janis: didn't say it was a cheat Janis: just a bit...lazy? rude? idk Jimmy: I dunno what emoji I would do for what you smell like without making it weird 1. 👃? 2. 🐽? Janis: can't believe the emoji library has let you down like this Janis: 🐽 is cuter, less creepy, anyway Jimmy: there you go then Janis: I'll add it to the list Janis: I could just use 🚬 for you, that's what you smell like Jimmy: can't say I don't do owt to give you an easier go of it Janis: bit of a stretch to blame/gift your addiction to me but yeah Jimmy: but more romantic Janis: that is what's important here Janis: what do I smell like, now I'm worried Janis: at least you like it Jimmy: if I could narrow it down I'd have done Jimmy: you're not a vape Janis: nicest thing you've ever said to me? 🤔 Janis: 😍 🥰 😘 Jimmy: 😂 Janis: you really are great at this romance shit Jimmy: tah for not being 🍭🍨🍦🧁🍰🎂 it means loads to me an' all Janis: wouldn't be able to live with myself, tbh Jimmy: wouldn't be able to die with you Janis: 😷😷😷 Janis: ruin the ending, 👻 FUMING Jimmy: I'll tell him to take it up with 🚬 for only fucking your sense of taste Janis: there goes that sponsorship Jimmy: *🤐 Janis: I was doing great work saying how fit of a smell it was Janis: ffs Jimmy: Where? Janis: I put it on my list, duh Jimmy: said you could not that you did Janis: there you go then Jimmy: say it then Janis: I like the way you smell too Janis: and there should be a less creepy way to say it, you're right Jimmy: 🗨 can still stay on the list, not that you've even remembered it Janis: I've not forgotten it Janis: just doubt you like it as much as 🥔 for example Jimmy: what's it that I'm doing now? Jimmy: bit rude to doubt me Janis: I'm not a good conversationalist, not something I've got an ego about Jimmy: it's my list, dickhead, not yours Janis: but you're 🗨 about 🗨 to me Jimmy: and I'm 🗨  I rate it Jimmy: you don't get a say in what I like, we're not 👰💍🤵 Janis: I just don't believe you Janis: but that don't matter Jimmy: why? Janis: s'your list, like you said Jimmy: why don't you believe me? Janis: 'cos I never know what to say, I told you Jimmy: so you manage to say the right things without knowing Jimmy: that's 🏆 Janis: only when they've been written for me Jimmy: it were you who said she's a more boring version of you Jimmy: you know that's not when I mean Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: I like talking to you, I said it ages ago and I'm still going on about it now so there's something in that Jimmy: 💀💀💀🐴 Janis: alright, alright Janis: I'll believe you mean it Jimmy: that's 3 things about you you've had off the list, so I will shut up now, like Janis: I'm not giving your 2 IOUs Janis: not fair Jimmy: so just tell me now Janis: I'm 💭 Jimmy: don't hurt yourself Jimmy: I get it's WELL difficult Janis: Shut up Janis: I don't want you accusing me of copying you, is all Janis: I like your voice, that's different from 🗨 Jimmy: 🥇🎤 me Jimmy: goes without 🗨 the accent is an' all Janis: I'm not 🤤 'cos you're English Janis: make me sound like them Janis: but Janis: I like not loads of other cunts have heard it Jimmy: none of 'em have, my customer service voice isn't how I 🗨  or any other dickhead really does Janis: ✨ so special, me Jimmy: my sister and Ian don't wanna talk to me and our kid can't with 🗨 so you're basically it Jimmy: when Libi ain't shouting over you Jimmy: but don't let your head get too massive, can't have you stuck on that 🚍 Janis: 🎈📌 Janis: promise Jimmy: I'd have to swap uniforms and 🚒🪓 you out Jimmy: what a ball ache Janis: more cliche too Janis: no one actually wants to fuck the police Janis: gotta keep it niche Jimmy: go on then, is that your last ✔? Janis: that's only 2, I'm not adding your real/fake persona, soz 👮 Janis: alright, as you went 👀 I'll go 💋 Jimmy: fuming that you'd make me wanna kiss YOU when giving ME a compliment but alright Janis: we're both well kissable, that's fair to say Janis: ask the fans Jimmy: shh I'm 💭 and I don't want any of them twats popping up Janis: 😶 Janis: oops, defeats the point a bit Jimmy: you're alright, I control the 🔊 in my head, I'll put you on proper loud Janis: I'd add that to my list but then you'd owe me Janis: not very 😇 Jimmy: you'll have to be 😈 Janis: your 🔊 then Jimmy: for a start Janis: I'm not going to put my own on my list Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: there can be crossover Jimmy: I already know you like the 🔊 I can get you to, so don't worry if 🚬 were a copout that is Janis: you can't claim eyes forever Janis: or I'll just list all the good stuff now and you'll be well fucked Jimmy: not that long of a 🚍 ride Janis: contrary to what you reckon Janis: not that hard to think up the shit I like Jimmy: do it then Jimmy: I'm not 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: you might float away Janis: if you're still out Jimmy: got nowt else on or anywhere else to be Jimmy: 🎈 sounds decent enough Janis: 🤡 Jimmy: Dunno if I'm chuffed or gutted you didn't go for 🐘 Janis: trust you Jimmy: well you being a better 🤹 ain't going on the list Jimmy: fuming Janis: you're still good with your hands Janis: just different way Janis: 🖕✌️🤟 Jimmy: I Jimmy: wish you were here sounds like we're still at the 🏖 and I'm 🖋 a postcard but Janis: you can draw me one Janis: wish I had something to do that weren't wistfully staring out of windows but Jimmy: 👴 flirting Janis: they are pretty saucy, you know Jimmy: never heard anyone use saucy since before I ⚰👻 so tah for that, Judith Jimmy: racy is another one I miss 👴💔 Jimmy: #thegoodoldcourtingdays Janis: 🏹 to please Janis: and I know my audience Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: 💘 Jimmy: you had me at getting your MASSIVE ankle out Janis: oi, my ankle is perfectly normal now, don't try and trick me into sending you such a scandalous picture Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: proof's in the 📷 you set yourself up for that Janis: 😱 but my reputation! Jimmy: 🦶 size matters, my dear Janis: [obviously sends a picture with all sorts of pisstakey emojis and bants] Janis: dainty, I think you'll find Jimmy: [obviously sends a 😍 af selfie back which isn't even that pisstakey because we are feeling that rn and always] Janis: You're indecent Jimmy: can be if you like Jimmy: there's nobody else at the park Janis: how long do you want my list to be Jimmy: how long is it now? Janis: embarrassingly long Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: needs to be so long you're past caring about 😳 Janis: what will I do when you fuck of 🎈 Jimmy: come with Janis: alright Janis: we'll work on your list some more and see Jimmy: alright Janis: your ❌🍆s to give thing makes the list easy though Janis: just FYI Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: you probably wanna avoid being that guy at the park though Janis: if I'm there, different vibe Jimmy: you heard there's no 👀 or 👂 Jimmy: you'd have to be the one reporting me Janis: I need you with me too bad to do that Janis: I don't need bars between us as well as distance, like Janis: even Bill didn't go there Jimmy: The antlers are long gone, even if the 🎵's live on in my 🧠 Jimmy: no reindeer games that involve a jailbreak, I promise Janis: Shame Janis: how are you going to top your festive #lewks? Jimmy: 🤔🤔 Jimmy: nowt but full body glitter? Janis: 😏 Janis: sounds itchy Jimmy: 💀👑 not have a pool? 💔🎻🎻 Jimmy: SUCH a letdown Janis: 💡 Janis: have to ask Janis: clog the filters right up Jimmy: hot tub'll do IF IT HAS TO but it don't have the #drama Bill's after Janis: she's definitely got one of them Janis: sti soup that it is 🤢 Jimmy: really painted a picture for me there Jimmy: might just leave the ✨ on so she knows where I've been Janis: imagine how many secretaries have been disappointed in there Janis: not to mention the lads not quite swallowed whole Janis: not going to be unnoticed, I guess Janis: shine on Jimmy: Dunno if I wanna 💭 Jimmy: more tragic than owt Bill's ever written Janis: #bonerkiller Janis: she's 💔🎻🎻 daddy could ever be anything less than 💯 as well Jimmy: 🤞 he sends her a postcard, can't wait to nick that off the fridge Janis: so hot when you're mean Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: not even started yet, baby Jimmy: didn't reckon on being chuffed to bits for her party but Janis: I know Janis: should thank us Janis: no one has ever been this buzzing Jimmy: except those lads when they realised they'd FINALLY 💀💀💀 Janis: you're special, babe Janis: not everyone likes it like you Jimmy: don't put that on your list Jimmy: makes me sound like a twat Janis: if I did it'd make me sound like a psychopath so Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: least we ain't made a list of the other dickheads we want to die Jimmy: length of it would be a nightmare Janis: and we're looking for less attention, not more Janis: school therapist can do one if she wants to chat Jimmy: bit rude she ain't introduced herself to me, been here ages struggling with this bloody paddy language barrier Janis: how dare she not want to start an inappropriate relationship with you Janis: Lucas doing all the heavy lifting for her 😤 Jimmy: am I losing my new boy ✨ or what? 😱 Janis: her cardigan collection means she's either celibate or a massive lesbian so Janis: you're still so ✨ I SWEAR Jimmy: Why not both? #dontlimityourselflove Jimmy: OH THANK GOD Janis: read that as #doityourselflove so, yeah Janis: must be what she's up to in her office, bless Jimmy: Be Lucas in detention an' all Jimmy: will have spent the hol practicing with them new ties so he's ready to go Janis: you better be here Janis: or my trauma is on your hands Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: plays right into the hands of that gay therapist Jimmy: you don't know it weren't her spreading those rumours Janis: make sense Janis: did turn her down last time Janis: doubt she works commission for every fucked up kid she 'helps' Jimmy: I'll be here to save you, Joanne Janis: Ian don't move fast Janis: I've noticed Jimmy: he's got the 🐕 and 👶s to bring him 🍺🥧🥔 when there's no Sharon, no need to move Janis: so what's your next step Jimmy: body in the boot when I bring the car back? Janis: his or john/jane doe Jimmy: Sharons obvs Janis: duh Janis: we're framing him Janis: okay, where's she hang out Jimmy: depends Janis: when she ain't photocopying things Jimmy: she's always photocopying her tits, full time job, that Jimmy: what it depends on is which Sharon you mean Jimmy: but probably find any of them in the hair dye aisle Janis: all of 'em at once Janis: like confused blonde gazelles Janis: *blonde, with bad roots and tell-tell greys 😱 Janis: have to stack 'em up Jimmy: 😂 Janis: not a list, technically Janis: Sharon x ??? Jimmy: be weird seeing their real names in all the papers Janis: for your dad too Janis: can pin them on his cell wall Jimmy: Dunno what he calls 'em Jimmy: @ him Janis: I'm not sure I need to 💭 Jimmy: 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: bit late for the christmas card Jimmy: crack on drafting your new year's text Janis: Dear future father in law Janis: terrified Jimmy: *daddy in law Janis: 😂 Janis: even better Jimmy: do they not make new years cards? 💔 missing something if it's not 🖋🩸 Janis: you send the text before the rush hun Jimmy: oh tah, I'll make sure our kid gets on the tin can 📞 proper early Janis: yeah, little socialite will be well busy Jimmy: got a wedding to plan if nowt else Janis: don't tell him it's her 4th Jimmy: he'd never stop 😭😭 Jimmy: I'll 📞 him now, let Ian sort that Janis: nursery gets wild, what can she say Jimmy: gutted she can't come to the party 💀👑'd never survive her review Janis: 💔 Janis: have to arrange a play date Janis: 💀👑 n #2'd keel over 🤞 Jimmy: I'll stick in it the group chat Janis: make sure you make it clear there'll be kids there Janis: don't want them to die of excitement before we can do it ourselves Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not playing with them Janis: can't make me Jimmy: could but I won't Jimmy: you're my best mate, they ain't having you Janis: 😳 Janis: can I put that on the list Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: yeah Jimmy: so there's your answer Janis: what emoji means BFFs Jimmy: 🤝? 🤗? Janis: 🤝 Janis: I don't know what that other fucker is doing Jimmy: looks like when dickheads mime they're being kissed, do you know what I mean? Janis: well, we aren't THOSE kind of friends Jimmy: what sort are we? Janis: strictly 🤝 professional Janis: don't get any ideas Janis: so friendzoned Jimmy: alright Janis: 😂 Janis: is it? Jimmy: have to be now you've said, won't it? Janis: not necessarily Janis: what kind of friends do you think we are? Jimmy: I weren't planning to stick a post it on your head Janis: might help you remember my name Jimmy: I know your name, Juliet Jimmy: dunno what you're on about Janis: mhmm Janis: my mistake Jimmy: not as thick as I look, remember Janis: I know Janis: mates, remember Jimmy: 🥇🤝 Janis: ✨ Jimmy: you gonna wear them for the party an' all? Janis: couple outfit!!1 Janis: I don't know Janis: it's gonna be all LBDs and sparkles so Janis: got to do better Jimmy: question is, shopping trip or crafting session? Janis: I've had enough crafting for one holiday Jimmy: thought you were gonna say one life Janis: and 😢 you like that? Janis: not very nice Jimmy: being nice I were about to offer to take you 🛍  after work Janis: yeah? Janis: 😇 boy Jimmy: never said I'd 💰 for owt Jimmy: steady on Janis: duh Janis: don't need money Jimmy: 😈 then Janis: we can pretend Janis: you will be sick of using your customer service 🔊😁 Jimmy: already am Janis: I'll come in a bit early Janis: you can talk to me properly Jimmy: you're being too nice now Janis: that a no? Jimmy: it's a what do you want? Janis: 😈 Jimmy: go on Janis: tell me when you're off and you'll see if I turn up early or on time Jimmy: [a time] Janis: sorted Jimmy: what about about now? Janis: what could I possibly do that was 😈 now Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: you're right, no chance of topping the 🦶📷 Janis: that kind of shameless reverse psychology will always work Janis: hold on Jimmy: don't need to be a school therapist Janis: bringing her up ain't gonna get you anything 🔥 Jimmy: if you can't give me owt 🔥 when you're under it from any bollocks going, what kind of muse are you? 💔 Janis: you get what you give, dickhead Jimmy: [gives her something 🔥🔥 obvs] Janis: [more risque pic back than last time, idk the scale but one up from whatever we did before] Jimmy: alright, I take back what I said Janis: you better Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 👍 Jimmy: should've said you were so 🏆 I'd have offered to lend you my 📷 before the killing spree Janis: I prefer when you take them Jimmy: that going on the list? Janis: I don't know if I'm that comfortable with the spotlight Janis: but you make me look alright Jimmy: nowt to do with me Jimmy: how you look Janis: nah, but I don't immediately wanna hide or flip you off so Janis: take it Jimmy: gutted 🖕💕 Janis: [pic of] Janis: anything for you, dearest Jimmy: 😍😍😍😍 Jimmy: there she is Janis: not been mugged by some random slag Jimmy: bit awkward I were so into it if you were Janis: yeah, she'll be fuming if she ever finds out Jimmy: our secret Janis: fuck off Janis: supposed to say I could never get mugged 'cos I'm so 💪 Jimmy: I dunno how many fake muggers there were, mate Janis: don't matter Janis: GOD Jimmy: were he there an' all? bit rude of him not to help you out Jimmy: such a good catholic lass Janis: he helps those whole help themselves Janis: and you might be friends now but known me longer so he'll definitely let me smack you Jimmy: wouldn't stop you myself, how could I when you're THAT 💪🏆🥇 Janis: 😒 Janis: shush Jimmy: walking wounded, me Jimmy: about to turn into a ⛄ Janis: stop it Janis: focus on finding a decent pub Jimmy: without you as my sat nav? Janis: why'd you let me go dickhead Janis: I'm mad Jimmy: why'd you have to? Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: they'd all survive Janis: I don't care Jimmy: I'll live Janis: yeah Jimmy: don't be pissed off at me Jimmy: 🤗🤗🤗 Janis: do what you like, mate Jimmy: *🥺🥺🥺 Janis: you're so annoying, you know Jimmy: I'll go back when you have, it's 🥇🤝 of me or some bollocks Janis: don't go back 'til you want to Janis: just do something that ain't freezing to death, tah Janis: I get why you don't wanna be there Jimmy: never ain't an option Jimmy: and the park's nice, loads of 🏆💭 Janis: okay Janis: that's true Janis: what you can remember Jimmy: that you offering to fill in the gaps or what? Janis: I don't know what you and don't 💭 Jimmy: could just tell me what you do, for a start Janis: could do Jimmy: so? Janis: we first went there after we ruined that bitch's shit party, yeah Jimmy: with half the other dickheads who left Jimmy: for a bit Janis: right, but no one's got any stamina so then it was just us Jimmy: feels like ages ago Jimmy: but all our 🎨's still here Janis: I remember that Janis: and it pissed it down, like school trip Janis: weird how it wasn't long ago at all, actually Jimmy: 🚫🌨 Janis: not festive but Jimmy: you were 🥶🥶 any road, I remember that Jimmy: had to chuck you a jacket Janis: you insisted, I remember Janis: as per Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: don't think you do 💭 Janis: was one of the many other lads I take there, was it? Jimmy: or all them sonnets Bill's got you bothering with Janis: if that's as far as your 💭 goes Jimmy: if that's as far as my memory goes, what? Janis: you don't remember as much as I do Jimmy: never said it were Janis: go on then Jimmy: I said sorry for being 😒 and having my own personal 🌧 over my head the way I would if you were really pissed off with me now Janis: what a nightmare Janis: making you say sorry all the time Jimmy: *not enough of the time Janis: not the kind of mate I'm trying to be Jimmy: why not? Janis: bit naggy Janis: bit more stepmum energy, that Jimmy: that weren't your reaction how I remember it Jimmy: might just be that the Sharons have done a shit job at giving out the right #energy Janis: I know it weren't Janis: weren't that drunk that night, if at all Jimmy: bit busy sorting that lass out for trying to make you look a twat Janis: n trying to hop on your dick, yeah Jimmy: that's every lass Janis: no need to flex, I've heard, like Jimmy: no need to 1. make it about me when it were about you 2. call me a lightweight Janis: 1. everything is about me, far as you're concerned baby 💕 2. clearly not as your 🧠 so clear Jimmy: clearly were saying you dunno what I do or don't remember a bit ago when you reckon you barely drank owt Janis: maybe you've got a shit memory Janis: not gonna assume nothing Jimmy: 👴💔 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what? Janis: you're being irritating again Janis: what's your point? Jimmy: how am I? Janis: I don't know, just being pedantic and saying shit you know I'm not saying Jimmy: bollocks Janis: this is what I mean Janis: what's wrong, just come out with it Jimmy: nowt's wrong with me, I dunno what you mean Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: rewind then Janis: before you were using emojis solely to chat Jimmy: before we met's a bit far, Judith Janis: well they ain't my idea Janis: 💃💅🛍😘☕🍸💖 Janis: #inspo Jimmy: I get it, you want full verses Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [writes her a decent poem cos just that bitch] Janis: where'd you steal that from Janis: I can't find it on google Jimmy: you won't Jimmy: it's from my 🧠 Janis: just now? Jimmy: sound more surprised, dickhead Jimmy: you chucked me loads of #inspo Janis: I am, sorry, like Janis: how do you do that Jimmy: what? Janis: say such Janis: 🤯 things Jimmy: just pissing about, me Janis: it's a skill Janis: you could use it for evil Janis: if you wanted Jimmy: have used it for 💰 Jimmy: at my school before Janis: yeah? Janis: 👏 Jimmy: no dickhead's gone above 🥔 prints Jimmy: had to do something to make it less grim Janis: you and your 🎨 temperament Janis: should do it here Janis: 💰s a 💰 Jimmy: massive language barrier Jimmy: don't 🗨 paddy Janis: gutted Janis: I'd help but Janis: need emotions and shit for that Jimmy: to proofread? Janis: yeah Janis: ❓❗ me Jimmy: nowt but going over it with a green 🖋 is it? Janis: depends how 💕 these notes are gonna be Jimmy: depends how 💰 they are Janis: so you'll do homework as well, sick notes? Jimmy: homework's a bit far Jimmy: unless it's about Bill obvs Janis: obvs Janis: you should do it Janis: you piss it out easy, evidenced loads of times Jimmy: know how to piss out a website and ads an' all, tah sir Jimmy: it's like he knew Janis: what a babe Janis: guardian 😇 Janis: don't put it on 💀👑 site, be a dead giveaway Jimmy: she'd have me doing 💌 for daddy Jimmy: talk about piss easy 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: xoxo 👻 boy Janis: keep it professional, babe Janis: she'll never pay if you sound as thirsty as you do Jimmy: she'd never pay Janis: 😏 cold dead hands Jimmy: would need your 💪 Janis: I'd LOVE to fuck her up Jimmy: not just her, any twat who's 💰 shy Janis: you reckon I'll be 😢? Jimmy: *😁 Janis: exactly Janis: ☁team Jimmy: SUCH a ☀ you Jimmy: 💔 you're not here Janis: how cold are you? Jimmy: how northern am I? Janis: stubborn* Janis: pretty damn stubborn Jimmy: *💪 Jimmy: VERY is right Janis: I won't disagree Janis: everyone's 👀 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: it's rude Jimmy: why? Janis: I can't look at you ALL the time Jimmy: can if you want Janis: can't right now Jimmy: 📷 Janis: but then the second problem becomes the first Jimmy: ? Janis: can't touch you Jimmy: you've got your perfect 💭 recall from when you did Janis: have to do Jimmy: I'll 🏃 Jimmy: race the 🚍 back Janis: very classics Janis: bit after Bill's time but he's down Jimmy: are you? Janis: you know I miss you Jimmy: not what I asked Janis: it'd keep you warm Jimmy: not for long if your mum won't have me through the door Janis: she's got loads of kids, won't notice one more Janis: you can come, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: I want you too Jimmy: then I'll be there in a bit Jimmy: he'll be chuffed to have his car again Janis: yeah Janis: wanna take it for one last ride though Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I know Janis: redundant Jimmy: I get it, you just wanna hear it from me Janis: naturally Jimmy: it's a yeah, never not a yeah to you Janis: 💀 me Jimmy: as promised Janis: s'all I want Jimmy: so slowly, so painfully Janis: shit Jimmy: if you can't feel the whole 🔪 we'll just have another go Janis: death by a thousand cuts might seem a bit ambitious Janis: but I've got trust in you Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: you are Jimmy: you Janis: but you Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: you're Janis: you're more Janis: whatever you were going to say Jimmy: that's just you Jimmy: more than I can 🗨 Janis: but you make me feel so Jimmy: I should be fuming that you make me feel owt but there's no room for bollocks like that Janis: yeah Janis: like, I should care, be careful Janis: but I don't and I can't Jimmy: fuck it Jimmy: nowt matters but this Janis: fuck it Janis: if you're alright with it, so am I Jimmy: you're all I want Janis: then I'm yours Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I've got no words for what that felt like Janis: but 👍 not 👎 Janis: yeah? Jimmy: like the twist of a 🔪 Jimmy: 🥇👍 Janis: good Janis: you're welcome Jimmy: I'll never get there if you keep being so Janis: It's hard being quiet when there's so much I could say to make you Janis: but I will Jimmy: it's hard being quiet Janis: you don't have to be, do you? Jimmy: not the one on a packed 🚍 but Janis: I've got loads of practice Jimmy: I'm not putting it on my list but take your 🏆 Janis: you don't have to Janis: when we get to mine, there's places we can be as loud as we want Jimmy: okay Janis: warm, comfortable places Janis: don't worry Jimmy: Oi Janis: I know, you're VERY 💪 and even more Northern Janis: but I want you to feel comfortable before I kill you Jimmy: don't be making out that owt worries me but how fucking far into the middle of nowt you live Janis: I know, it's very inconvenient Janis: miss his car, like Jimmy: why didn't I just come with you? fuck's sake Janis: same reasons I didn't stay with you Jimmy: 🥇💡 us Janis: Don't tell the fans Janis: so disappointed Jimmy: far as they know we're never apart Janis: if only, babes Jimmy: 💭🥺 Janis: I am more bored Janis: when you aren't about Jimmy: that it? Jimmy: the full scale of your feelings Janis: shh Jimmy: you're less 😳 when I'm not about Jimmy: greatest 💔 this town's ever had to go through Janis: if anyone wants to disagree I'll 🥺 at them Jimmy: What kind of dickhead would dare? It's the sort of 🎨 that ain't subjective, soz Janis: you'll have to let 'em know Jimmy: 📢 OI Janis: 😂 just like that Jimmy: know what I'm doing, me Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: but I am going to need you to show me again, like right fucking now please Jimmy: seeing as you were so polite about it, my dear Jimmy: what can I do for you right fucking now? Janis: just Janis: tell me you feel it too Janis: how much you wish I was there, or you was here Jimmy: I feel it Jimmy: the fans aren't the only dickheads 🤞 we were together all the time Janis: not my fault everyone else is shit Jimmy: 🤏 your fault you're not but Janis: you're not even meant to be here Jimmy: 👻 barely am, it's alright Janis: no it's not Janis: but I don't care Jimmy: it is, we can just Janis: just Jimmy: stick together Janis: yeah Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🤝 Janis: makes sense Jimmy: good Jimmy: how much I like having you about is too much of a copout for the list Janis: when you're gone Janis: be more of a test Janis: always about now, like Jimmy: we're going together so ⚰ budge up dickhead Janis: shared enough single beds with you to manage Jimmy: might wanna stretch out a bit for the afterlife Janis: double plot?! 😱🥴 Janis: can only dream Jimmy: 👑 Janis: chuck ourselves off the same bridge, loads of room to swim about Jimmy: 🧜🏽 Janis: know I beat you so bad boxing day but it's okay Janis: can't drown once you're 💀 Jimmy: bollocks did you Jimmy: could've broken all my ribs and I'd still 🏆 Janis: the fact you've brought up your handicap speaks 🔊 Jimmy: of how 💪🥇 I am Janis: 👌 Jimmy: you're done being nice now, I get it Jimmy: 🦈 Janis: you don't like it when I'm nice really Jimmy: don't I? Janis: nah Janis: do you? Jimmy: you reckon you know my ✔ Jimmy: no need to answer Janis: if you wanna be my mate you clearly don't ✔ nice very highly Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: you were talking bollocks when going on about how nice you ALWAYS are to me Janis: by my standards Janis: too nice Janis: but by everyone else's, not winning no 😇🏆 Jimmy: 1. I give out the 🏆 2. no fucker else has any standards around here Janis: what's your verdict then Jimmy: on how nice you are or how much I rate it? Janis: both Jimmy: what's my verdict on you asking questions you know the answer to, more like Janis: 😳 you Jimmy: you Janis: tell me how nice I am, go on 😏 Jimmy: make me Janis: 🥺🥺 Jimmy: it don't work without your 👀 Janis: [🥺 selfie] Jimmy: rude Janis: no, I'm nice Jimmy: it'd be nice if you were here and I could just Janis: what would you do Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: I'm nice Janis: yeah Janis: I can say it Jimmy: might do but you can't take a compliment Janis: psh Jimmy: alright so if I 🗨 nobody's ever been this nice to me, you won't be 😳😳? Janis: maybe a 🤏 but you don't need to know Jimmy: I want to though Jimmy: your 😳 is high on my list Janis: because it makes me look so 🤓 Jimmy: it makes us even Janis: [adorable nerdiness] Jimmy: might not remember when I got on the 🚗 to tell you the story of being a twat but I do and when it happened an' all Jimmy: 😳 before it were 😎 me Jimmy: it's just something you can do, Janet 🏆👏🌹 Jimmy: to be fuming about but I'm not Janis: Then you won't be mad that I do remember Jimmy: 'course you do, you were 🙀 I were gonna fall off Janis: 'scuse me for not wanting to watch you get injured when I could have the pleasure of doing it myself Janis: not Lucas Jimmy: compared to him you're a saint Jimmy: but don't worry I won't let your shit nan know Janis: just not a watch in the cupboard type Janis: I wouldn't bring up the subject, she might assault you or something Jimmy: can't have that or any more time off work 🤐 Janis: 💔 Janis: the world needs it's caffeine and it's eyecandy Janis: can't be selfish like Jimmy: direct your 🎻🎻 @ my manager SO hard done by that I didn't do boxing day he's given me every shite shift going til we're in school Janis: what a prick Janis: what shifts will he be working, I wonder Jimmy: there you go with the questions you know the answers to, girl Jimmy: if it weren't a full time job pissing off Ian, what with him being so easy going and it taking ages to do his head in, I'd add him to the hit list an' all Janis: fair, did do that one for effect, babe Janis: they'll send him off to some over shithole and you'll have a new one in a month, s'what they do with managers, yeah Janis: not worth the 🕖 or 💪 Janis: other* Jimmy: 💔 it ain't what they do with Ian's role within his company Janis: a good sex pest is hard to come by Janis: keeping tight hold, like Jimmy: every other dickhead stopping at stealing 🖋s Jimmy: pisstake Janis: he must be good at whatever the fuck he's actually meant to be doing besides 👀🖐 Janis: try to be selective so we don't have no more famines n shit Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for the Q&A Janis: think I'm 😍 for accounts Janis: no tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're gonna have to offer me something more to pretend to be 😍 for your dad, soz Jimmy: I'm alright for you not fake dating him an' all Janis: good Janis: not seeing how that would EVER make him wanna leave anyway Janis: such a delight Jimmy: when you 💔 him duh Jimmy: but it's still a no tah Janis: think of some way before resorting to that Jimmy: I'd stay before that Janis: I appreciate it Jimmy: me an' all that you don't wanna fuck my dad Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: right Janis: you don't look that alike Jimmy: I'll take that compliment Janis: you can definitely have it Jimmy: that'll be the nicest thing you've ever said to me Jimmy: even if I were about forever Janis: bit sly to challenge me to compliment you loads Janis: 🥰 you Jimmy: 😏 Janis: he's clearly just pissed he's past it, and weren't as 😎 as you to begin with Jimmy: we're all 💔🎻😭 he gave his best years to Debbie when there's loads of Sharons cracking on with doing their roots as we 🗨 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: *😢 I know Janis: yet again, SUCH a shame my ma's a natural blonde Janis: been a widow for ages, give him some tips Jimmy: for her Jimmy: what a bloody catch she's missed out on there Janis: 💔🎻😭 all over again Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🤞 they've taken the mistletoe down in his office Janis: can he hang on 'til NYE Janis: such a lad, it seems unlikely Jimmy: the things that Q&A would be full of if you'd only crack on, girl Janis: I'm naturally curious, don't be rude Jimmy: 💀💀💀😼 Janis: you saw all the fuckers Janis: just more siblings Jimmy: and I had to tell our kid all their names Janis: 😏 Janis: unlucky Jimmy: you gonna stop pissing about and get fluent or what 🤓? Janis: oi Janis: give me a break, it hasn't ACTUALLY been that long, remember Jimmy: I get it, I'm no Mr Lucas 😭😭😭 Janis: who is Janis: 🏆 lifetime achievement best teacher ever Janis: anyway, I like it when you talk, remember Janis: only so much your brother and me need to 🗨 about Jimmy: I were more thinking about you pulling your weight when him and Libi 🗨 but alright Janis: how long did it take to learn it Janis: actually Janis: obviously you didn't before 👶 Jimmy: no different from learning any other, how good's your spanish? Jimmy: it's about how much you bother, have to every day Janis: makes sense, not like it's optional Janis: and my Spanish is pretty shit, Lucas don't teach it 💔 Janis: it's like Portuguese but barely know any of that either, shit nan being predictably shit Jimmy: what about 🍀? Janis: little better Janis: did offer my services in good faith earlier Jimmy: to answer your Q, still get things wrong and he's been about and deaf for ages Jimmy: but it says fluent on the CV, nowt else matters Janis: 👌 Janis: long as you got the basics down, he ain't 💀 any time soon Janis: might try it with my cousin Janis: she don't speak Jimmy: bring her on the playdate long as Libi won't be 💔 Jimmy: our kid could have a teaching 🏆 an' all Janis: her ma probably won't have that Janis: not Libi stealing my phone to come up with the excuses there Jimmy: she the one from church? Janis: 💀 crew's oldest member, yeah Jimmy: next time there's a catholic occasion, we'll steal the kid Jimmy: can't really stop us, her Janis: 🦴 as a weapon? Jimmy: better bring the 🐕 in case Janis: 💡🥇 Janis: alright, I'm down Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: you off that fucking 🚍 yet or what? Janis: how far have you even got Jimmy: if it was real 💕 you'd have got off to 🏃 an' all Jimmy: have met me in the middle Janis: thank god it's fake Janis: don't need us both aimlessly 🏃 about Janis: but I'm basically back now, so I will keep a 👀 out Jimmy: have a 🥃 if you've got owt left from that 🎁 dunno where I am Janis: put your location on so I can santa-track you Janis: know what you and 🐑 are like, you'll get well off track and well distracted Jimmy: nowt to do with your 👀 OBVS Jimmy: [does put his location on] Jimmy: Where am I then? Janis: you can compliment me when you're nearer Janis: well done for being in the right county Janis: 🤔 okay, hang on Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: I'm gonna get your dad's car and come find you Janis: may as well Jimmy: that's how lost I am 😒 Janis: that bus takes long enough Janis: I wanna see you now Jimmy: alright Janis: you didn't fuck up that horrifically Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it's even more classics that you're lost Janis: very goals Janis: really should pick you up on horse but fuck that Jimmy: fake a 🐴 when we tweet it, be alright Janis: as long as you're not feeling let down Jimmy: NEVER Janis: good Janis: so ✨ you Jimmy: I just wanna see you an' all Janis: 👀 at me long as you like Jimmy: very subtle challenge Janis: yeah, 'cos that's all I want Jimmy: need an even longer lens to stalk you from the north Jimmy: make the most of my 😍 dickhead Janis: 😒 Jimmy: what? Janis: nothing 'cept someone just got off at my stop so I might be about to be murdered Jimmy: Oi, I ain't falling for that again Jimmy: you're too 💪🏆🥇 baby, weren't that what you wanted me to say about the mugging? Janis: ugh Janis: so tough being this tough Jimmy: whoever that dickhead is can't 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: not part of the plan Janis: I'll let 'em know you said so Jimmy: 📢 OI Jimmy: my victim, piss off Janis: **fake girlfriend Jimmy: *best mate I've ever had Janis: oi Jimmy: ? Janis: meant to be scaring off weirdos, not being soft Jimmy: just claiming you, Jessica, if you wanted to be pissed on, you should've said Janis: got to draw the line somewhere Jimmy: I'll chuck you a pen Jimmy: can stab that prick with it after Janis: 🧛👅🩸 Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: don't fill up on him Janis: come on Janis: I could never get enough of you Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: Baby Janis: I don't want anyone else Jimmy: control your 🩸 lust for a bit longer, tah very much Jimmy: you can have all mine Janis: you know you've got all of mine Jimmy: hurry up and come here Janis: I am, I swear Jimmy: on what? Janis: my 👀s? Jimmy: both of them? Jimmy: if I have to craft you an eye patch I might as well fucking sign up for Pinterest Jimmy: be that mum Janis: do you have a preference? Janis: bit weird Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you do not Janis: you're taking the piss now Jimmy: am I? Jimmy: not telling you now, mate Janis: 😣 Jimmy: do you want me to have a favourite one? Janis: that's no sort of answer Jimmy: it's a question for you to answer, so go on Janis: I don't think you do Janis: but I wouldn't be mad if you did Jimmy: it's the one on my left Janis: I'm gonna have to stop to look Janis: and then look at yours when you get here Jimmy: no #hate to the other one Jimmy: it's just Janis: you're just Jimmy: I don't know how to explain Janis: you don't need to Janis: I get it Jimmy: might be able to get your head round it if you have a look Jimmy: no good with words, me Janis: it IS weird but I feel it too Janis: I've 👀 at you enough to have favourites and 👀 things that it feels Janis: 😳 to admit to noticing Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say you'd looked at yourself enough to have a favourite eye Janis: charming 😂 Jimmy: probably don't spread that about, babe Jimmy: I mean, I get it, if I were you'd I'd be in the mirror all the time an' all but Janis: you know what you look like Janis: #bigheadconfirmed Jimmy: I never said I don't look at myself loads in every shiny surface of the CG Jimmy: what else am I gonna 👀 @ the customers?! I'm alright for that Janis: don't blame you Janis: obvs Jimmy: so go on, you said you've got favs Janis: I am not giving you them all Janis: right now Jimmy: one for one Janis: fair enough Janis: your freckles Janis: the ones on your back, especially but all of them Jimmy: you should've said before now, I'd have chucked you a pen for them an' all Jimmy: be a bit rude of me to do it to yours Janis: I can use my hands Janis: not that I scratch with purpose or intent Jimmy: 🎨 Janis: I should 📸 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I won't get a weird close up of your eye or owt though Janis: do what you like Janis: just leave it off the feed if it ain't #goals Jimmy: whatever we do is #goals Janis: just too good Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: alright, I'm getting near, stay still now Jimmy: 😎🚬 Jimmy: though that does sound like you're 🙀🙀 of sudden movements Janis: just mean don't keep walking and walk right past me/into the headlights tah Jimmy: not how you wanna 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: I'll leave it out Janis: you'll be glad you did Jimmy: never been a letdown, you Janis: don't need to big me up until I prove it Jimmy: I'm only saying you have, not that you don't have to keep doing it Janis: have to? Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: [turn up] Janis: get in Jimmy: [does obvs but not before opening her car door and kissing her because simply must] Janis: [pulling him into the car on your side so you're both in the driver's seat now, having a moment] Jimmy: [fully support that wherever you are rn] Jimmy: [telling her he's missed her in between kisses when he's capable of forming words that don't just come out as sounds, we've probably had to have a few attempts at it lol] Janis: [she's not going to be any better so don't you worry boy, probably just keep saying 'I' and 'you' and not finishing any sentences here] Jimmy: [it's a mood and we all know it, like he's been drinking from Ian's stash but not enough that we can run away with ourselves, he's already said a lot of feelsy shit here, we see you and your fave eye sir] Janis: [we've said a lot without saying it in a way that seems serious af but we know honey we know] Jimmy: [not even doing it deliberately so it hurts more when she runs away, the feels are just naturally high and things be progressing] Janis: [mhmm, damn you shit nan, why you gotta ruin it] Jimmy: [she can't, you'll get back to this lads and beyond it] Janis: [that's true] Janis: [for now, stay in this car as long as you wanna, then go back to the cali gaff and live your best life some more] Jimmy: [soz fam that they can't bear to be separated] Janis: [its lowkey a good thing anyway, you can take the car to work/back to Ian, at least she's at home, like we all know you'll take that] Jimmy: [we all just want you to be happy hen] Janis: [though we are suspish/triggered by you Jimothy, we're not wilding yet Jimmy: [soz about that Jimothy, Liam really did you dirty] Janis: [oh lads, the fact we'll never really know the truth of that whole situ] Jimmy: [we really did something there, I love us] Janis: [do you think anyone would watch the tapes before Libi? 'cos like Ali would wanna but wouldn't but I could make a case that Ruster MIGHT, which would be drama] Jimmy: [oooh yeah good point, I do like the idea of that drama because I am rude] Janis: ['cos they could still come away from it thinking he was just a stalker or whatever we want] Janis: [but it would potentially give some closure before Libi is old enough to watch and understand 'cos they'd clearly love each other] Jimmy: [yeah agreed, I definitely think there's a lot of potential there with what they could take away from viewing all those vids] Janis: [okay, noted for later honeybuns] Janis: [is there anything we wanna vibe for tonight] Jimmy: [I think we've done a lot and this is probably getting long] Janis: [coolio hun]

Maria watches friday night lights (#9)

I really really loved 3x10! Like one of my favorite episodes so far, for sure. so here’s another post about just one episode, “The Giving Tree.”

@lockitin I saw your comment saying I’d like this episode like an hour after I watched! You were very right!

-Aw I love Julie and Tyra’s friendship. Julie trying to help Tyra strategize on how to catch up in school after her ill-advised trip with the cowboy — that’s what we love to see!

-this flirtatious girl (later, we learn, MADISON) insisting on pouring milk into a wine glass for JD is up there as one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen happen in a teen drama party scene

“Do you need silence to watch naked women? Is that what you’re saying to me?” The things that come out of Buddy Garrity’s mouth are truly wild.

-oh boy and then Buddy got into a getting-arrested level fight! Wish I could say I was surprised, but...

ANYWAY MATT AND JULIE DO IT NOW yet they’re still so fucking cute it’s wild

-I am truly HERE for Matt and Julie post coital and naked, just laying in his bed after school saying “I love you” while listening to the radio and HOLDING HANDS?? This is so beautiful.

-so of course, here comes Coach Taylor to walk in on them. Honestly this scenario kind of like NEEDED to happen? Inevitably? I mean, “quarterback sleeping with the coach’s daughter,” as Riggins said. (And now it’s finally actually true.) The comedy of Eric just walking right back out the house, stone-faced. Oh I am living.

-Hahahaha Landry’s bandmates exchanging looks while Tyra comes to ask Landry for help with the SATs. This show does such a good job of actually conveying teens being teens in little moments like this.

-oh yes to the Lyla/Julie tooth brushing scene where she confides what happened with her dad walking in on her and Matt!! then transitioning right into Tami brushing her teeth while Eric sits on the side of the bed, pained and disturbed by his teenage daughter’s burgeoning sexuality. Cinematic.

-what I love about this episode is how well crafted the plot is — Eric only catchs Matt and Julie because he had to pick Julie up so Tami could tell Lyla about Buddy’s night in jail. and Eric clearly showed up earlier than Tami would have. After all, they thought they had time for one more song. It’s just...such good writing. Ugh! Yes.

-I love how this development actually left Tami speechless too, when usually she’d be running into Julie’s room with exactly the right words to say

-I really do love how this plot lines up so that Lyla is in the Taylor house to comfort Julie.

“Your punishment is you have to have a conversation with me about it.” Fair, Tami, fair. Bc there should not be a punishment at all for a teenage girl having consensual sex with a boy she loves!

-Did Buddy really just plead not guilty??? Sir you did all of the things they just charged you with!!!!

-Tyra’s mom immediately wanting Landry to change the pilot light when she sees him in the house helping Tyra is....too real. Also reminds me of Lorelai joking about how she liked how Dean would change the water bottle in Gilmore girls

-fuck you buddy!!!! Why would you gamble your daughters college money??? Related: I love how betty cooper had a similar plotline to Lyla garrity here but in the Riverdale version her mom gave the $$ to a cult

“Please tell me the lesson we’ve learned.” “Always lock the door.” “...when having sex with the coach’s daughter.” HAHAHAHA omg this show is so good, having Eric glance at Saracen in the locker room to see his eyes downcast. That’s that shit we like.

-I’m proud of Landry in this episode standing up for himself bc Tyra was totallyyy taking advantage of him. Like she expects him to ditch his bandmates bc she wants to take a break and lengthen their study session which he’s doing as a favor to her??

-oh yes and the Giving Tree metaphor! Amazing. Art.

“That’s exactly what I feel like, just a stump.” Damn. I felt that.

“What about birth control?” “I don’t want to talk about that!” “Hon, that IS the conversation.” Damn right it is! Tami is a good mom.

“Chasin skirts,” Mr. McCoy? You’re gross. Ew and now he’s literally trying to control his son’s love life. Disgusting.

-Julie’s long pause after Tyra asks if Landry is right about how she’s the little boy in the Giving Tree. I cackled.

MATT SARACEN IS TERRIFIED IM DEAD

-I CACKLED at the fear in his eyes when Tami suggest he wait in the back with Coach Taylor

-Lol at coach aggressively cleaning his grill while lecturing Saracen, who is literally one of the most mild mannered and sweet boys you could ever want your daughter to lose her virginity to tbh. Especially if it’s gonna be a football player.

-ugh Lyla I’m sorry your dad is so trash. Riggins is sweet and hot though. “What do you want me to do?” he says when Buddy bangs at the door. He respects her wishes. We stan.

“I was the idiot who stuck with you! Don’t call me spoiled. We’ve been saving that money since I was a baby. You said if I made the grades, it was mine.” GO OFF LYLA this is cathartic to watch. Also LOL I have mad student loans now bc my dad the cheater similarly lied about our financial situation for most of my life so that hit HARD for me. 😭😬🥺 I sent Lyla’s rant to my mom and she said lol did you write those words

-omg Tim at the door being like “you need to go” to Buddy?!?! Oops I’m aroused.

-oh god poor JD is actually listening to his dad and breaking things off with Madison?? Fuck man. That is so not cool. But wait there’s more! Riggins called him on it right away, we love him. “How do you expect all these boys to battle for you if you can’t make a decision like that on your own?” YES Riggins! Now that’s some good team captain mentoring shit! With the ear buds in one ear. Ugh yes.

-I’m surprised we haven’t gotten angry Coach Taylor chasing a ref sooner. “HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT”

-I love how Coach Taylor said “we’re gonna not lose our temper out there” about the refs to the players earlier in the week then ended up getting ejected from the game himself. Classic.

-omg and he’s calling the other coaches on the field on a flip phone, that’s. Mmhmm. Yep. Early 2000s gold.

-but oop now Wade Aikmen is gonna be getting all the attention. Oh boy. This show keeps ya on your toes!!

-JD’s mom wants her 15 year old son to date wayyyy too much and JD’s dad wants to control his love life wayyyy too much. Maybe they should both just chill???

-omg Katie McCoy totally would’ve kept JD’s date with Madison a secret if the dad hasn’t seen it. This is a *sings* deeply unhealthy family dynamic~

-Saracen is so cute being nervous that Landry’s gonna bomb. Friendshipppp

-okay Landry’s band got a decent turnout! Anyway I hope a girl throws her bra at Devin.

-wait really? Landry in a metal band now suddenly has Tyra feeling him? Again I DO NOT UNDERSTAND TYRA AND LANDRY.

-wow Buddy said Lyla was right AND apologized? I’m actually surprised. Can he call MY dad and teach him how to apologize? Kthxbye.

Yeah seriously I think that was my favorite episode so far!

WWE Monday Night Raw 9/16/19 Review

Well, this episode was certainly bad. There was a whole bunch of stupid soap opera stuff in the middle that honestly made this show feel like a cold shit. I normally say that Raw was decent or fine or boring, but I can safely say that this was a real bad one. But it wasn’t without it’s diamonds in the rough. So, if you’re willing to swim through the crap that is the rest of my review, then here it is. If you’re not, then Corey Graves would call you a beta cuck. 

Seth Rollins Promo: Rollins came on out and recapped Clash of Champions. He said that it was neither his nor Strowman’s fault for losing the Raw Tag Team Championships. Then he put Strowman over hard by describing how much it took to keep him down. He then talked about how the Fiend attacked him, and officially accepted his challenge for Hell in a Cell. Wyatt then came on the Titantron, in his usual creepy Firefly Funhouse. Rollins told him that he was messed up and needed help, when Ramblin Rabbit told Rollins that he didn’t know what he was dealing with, and told him to run, before Wyatt punched him. Wyatt then told Rollins that the Fiend does not forget anyone, and maybe he will appear again tonight. As Wyatt signed off, and said “see you in hell.” The music continued to play. 

Grade: B+. I thought this was just shy of great. I loved the inclusion of Ramblin Rabbit, whose storyline I’m honestly more invested in than the Kevin Owens/ Shane McMahon feud. Wyatt was perfectly creepy and threatening, and Rollins looked genuinely concerned about someone attacking him from behind. Rollins is treating Wyatt like a threat, and it was awesome. The more he is treated like a monster, the more he will be perceived as one. If they keep this up, this will be a great feud. Highlight of the night. 

Also, before the next segment, they ran down the card for later on, but the graphics were upside down the entire time. Renee Young pointed it out, which was funny. 

Braun Strowman interview: Strowman said that the only reason he was here was that he was pissed, and would beat up whoever was in in the ring next. 

Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode promo: I guess this was some sort of a summit, because the Revival showed up right away as well. Roode put himself and Ziggler over for winning the tag team championships so soon after becoming a team. However, as they were talking, Braun Strowman came out. The Revival attacked him in the aisle, but he tossed them around with ease. Stromwan then cleared the ring. Roode was actually able to get out of the way unscathed. 

Grade: C. I wasn’t a huge fan of this, because I don’t see what it did. I still don’t know where Strowman will go from here, and he beat down three of the four tag team champions. In terms of action it was fine and kinda exciting, but I don’t really know where this is going. I’m not going to rate it lower because this could be the start of the story, but right now I don’t know what is happening. 

Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross backstage: They kinda made fun of both Mandy Rose and Sasha Banks. They then put over their tag team titles, and said that they are very important, sorta as a counter to Banks crapping all over them a few weeks ago. That was it. 

Cedric Alexander & The Viking Raiders vs. The OC: AJ Styles started things out with Alexander, and the two layed into each other in the corner right then the match started. Alexander tagged in Erik, who kneed Styles in the face, before Styles tagged out to Karl Anderson. The Viking Raiders then teamed up on him a bit, but Luke Gallows quickly tagged in to duel with Erik. Erik was then beaten down by the OC after Styles threw him into the barricade. Ivar got the hot tag after the commercial break and beat down the whole OC. Alexander then nailed a springboard clothesline to Anderson for a near fall. However, Styles then tagged in, nailed him with the Phenomenal forearm to win the match.

After the match, the OC continued the attack. Ivar destroyed Anderson, Gallows and Erik with a senton off the top. Styles then went for something on Alexander off the top, but Alexander met him there. Alexander went for a rana, but Styles caught him and nailed the Styles Clash off the second rope. 

Grade: C+. Fine match with fine action. But this didn’t really forward much of a storyline other than the Viking Raiders vs. The Good Brothers, which will have to happen eventually. Styles pinned Alexander again, so that feud is done, and we will need a new challenger for Styles. But this match didn’t really do a bunch for me and was too short to really get going. It ended as it was picking up, so not awesome. 

24/7 shenanigans: Truth and Carmella visited the Women’s basketball hall of fame. Truth joked a bunch, it was funny. Then Kane showed up, because they are in Tennessee. They joked about it, but turns out Kane wasn’t in character. He just called himself Glenn Jacobs, and offered Truth a tour around. This is not over!

Baron Corbin vs. Chad Gable in the finals of the 2019 King of the Ring: this was done up all pretty with official announcing and such, but it was still on in the first hour. As things started up, Gable tried to go for some technical exchanges, which Corbin was having none of. Gable eventually forced his way to the mat, and tried to power up Corbin for some suplexes, but he couldn’t get him up and took control away. The two fought to the outside, and Gable charged at Corbin, only to eat a huge back body drop into the timekeeper’s area. When we came back to the ring, Gable barely beat a countout. Corbin continued to absolutely destroyed Gable with strikes, including a huge big boot to stifle a comeback. At one point, Gable locked in an armbar over the ropes, but Gable just picked him up and powerbombed him back into the ring. Gable did a great job of selling the fact that he was desperate, and at one point was able to pick the ankle, only for Corbin to post himself. Gable then followed up with a missile dropkick, and several running flip kicks, until Corbin popped him up into a slam for a near fall. Corbin then took the fight to the outside, where Gable dodged a shoulder tackle that sent Corbin into the steel steps. Gable then rolled Corbin into the ring and started to target the leg a bit, only for Corbin to stop him dead in his tracks with a deep six for a near fall. Corbin then went for his around the post clothesline, but Gable dodged it and nailed the Chaos Theory, only for Corbin to kick out. They then scrambled a bit, with Gable baely able to pick the ankle. There was a tense submission sequece, with table even locking up the leg, only for Corbin to still force the break. They then battled a bit in the corner, and Gable went for a running flip kick again, only for Corbin to twirl him around his body and hit the End of Days for the win.

After the match, Corbin posed near the throne. They didn’t even give him time to put on the props. 

Grade: B. It almost made it to a B+, but I couldn’t get it there. There wasn’t enough back and forth early on in the match for it to get there, but the finish was really really good. Gable had just enough comebacks to keep things interesting. Corbin beat him down at every turn, so those moments when he nearly won were really good. The Chaos Theory looked awesome, and the ankle lock actually got me a bit. And of course that tilt a whirl finish looked super cool, so I can’t complain. Corbin did a good job in this tournament, so all hail King Corbin. 

Maria Kanellis Gender Reveal party: The Street Profits were hosting this for some reason. Maria said it was a boy, and then that it was Ricochet’s. Ricochet did some sitcom BS to not actually confirm that the kid isn’t his. Mike Kanellis slapped him and challenged him to a match. Then Titus O’Neil and the Street Profits made a bunch of sex jokes. This was stupid but kinda funny.

Mike Kanellis vs. Ricochet: Ricochet was a bit apprehensive about fighting Kanellis, but Kanellis insisted. Ricochet then beat him down with all of his signature offense and won with Recoil. 

Grade: D+. What was this? Why Was this? Who decided they should do this? And for a nothing filler match? They could’ve taken the time from the party and added it to the match to give them some time for a nice match. I’m giving this a pretty low grade, but no F or anything because I did think it was kinda funny, although ultimately pointless. Ricochet is a dad, and I’m sure Kacy Catanzaro is thrilled. 

Firefly Funhouse: Bray Wyatt put up pictures of all the people that he destroyed as the Fiend, and then left the Funhouse. Ominous. 

Maria Kanellis being mean to Mike: After the commercial, Maria came out and yelled at Mike a whole bunch in an attempt to motivate him. She said that Ricochet wasn’t the father, but it was Rusev. So this was Rusev’s big return. Mike tried to stop him from beating his ass, and just congratulated him and tried to run away. Rusev ran him down and kicked his ass. Also, Corey Graves called Kanellis a beta cuck. 

Mike Kanellis vs. Rusev: Rusev hit the Machka kick, and tapped Kanellis out to the Acolayde. During this time, Michael Cole was being a dick to Renee Young about her mentioning the match was underway, and she said she was mansplaining. 

Grade: F. Yeah, this was only funny because the commentators had to talk about this as it was happening. Rusev is married, which is something that they actually mentioned on commentary, and this is the worst story for him to come back to. Why did Mike need to lose twice? Ugh, I hope to God he goes back down to NXT, because while this was funny all around him, all the stuff with him in it was just sad. Even Michael Cole called him a loser. This is bad

24/7 Shenanigans cont: Truth and Jacobs visited a football stadium. They talked a bit, and Truth was being dumb and weird. A cop then popped up, but turns out he was a ref. Truth tried to run away, and ran right into the goal post. Glenn Jacobs pinned him and won the championship. Pretty funny, but this was a crazy ass second hour. 

Rey Mysterio vs. Cesaro: Before the match started, Cesaero crapped on Mysterio’s kid, and they brawled a bit. Cesaro was absolutely beating down Mysterio for a while after showing some great offense, and we cut to commercial in the middle of it. Cesaro continued to destroy Rey, and at one time caught Mysterio out of a 619 and dropped Mysterio on his knee for a near fall. Mysterio then hit the 619, and tried for a flying rana to close things out, but Cesaro caught him, only for Mysterio to hit a sunset flip powerbomb for the win. 

Grade: B-. Above average B- match, but there wasn’t a lot of back and forth for me. The action was still good enough to be a positive, but I was mostly just happy to have a good match after all that crap. 

Firefly Funhouse again: Bray put up Rollins’ picture, and things were creepy. 

AOP Video Package: It’s sure as hell been a while since they’ve been shown on TV. They demanded competition, called the WWE Tag Division soft, and threatened to take the opportunities that were owed to them. They need a mouthpiece.

Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross vs. Bayley & Sasha Banks: Bayley and Bliss started things out, and Bliss quickly took control by giving Bayley and Banks a somersault sneton to the outisde, seeming to irritate her leg. Cross soon tagged in and got beat up. As she was about to tag Bliss, Bayly dragged Bliss off the apron and started to viciously assault her leg. Bliss looked to be very hurt, but then they cut to commercial. As we came back from commercial, Cross was desperately fighting a two on battle, and looking pretty good as she did. She was absolutely wild in her offense, and was actually able to beat down the champions by herself for a bit. Bayley fought back against her foe, but Cross refused to let up. Cross even hit a hangman’s swinging neckbreaker on Bayley, but Banks broke it up. Banks then tagged herself in and locked in the Bank Statement for the win. 

After the match, Banks was going to beat down Cross with a chair, but Becky Lynch ran down to make the save. Her and Banks fought with the chairs, until Bayley ran in to help Banks. Charlotte then showed up, and Bayley ran at her, only to eat a big boot and some chair shots. Back in the ring, Lynch gave Banks some chair shots, and Charlotte and Lynch stood tall together, but warily.

Grade: C. This was an odd match, with Bliss being carted out in the middle for an injury that may or may not be legit. But Cross looked pretty good fighting alone, but it was pretty much just a random match to give Lynch someone to save. Also, if the Boss n’ Hug connection don’t get a match for the Tag Team Titles, then I will riot. They beat the champions, they get a shot. 

Sasha Banks Backstage:  She just said that she challenges Lynch to a rematch at Hell in Cell. They didn’t confirm the stip, but it’ll probably be a Hell in a Cell. 

24/7 Shenanigans: Glenn Jacobs got out of a limo, and Truth hopped off the top of the limo and pinned him. Then they talked about how Monday Night Raw was Jacobs’ home, and they walked in together. 

Becky Lynch backstage: Lynch said that Banks wanted a fight, but she wasn’t willing to step her game up. So Lynch escalated things, and challenged her to a Hell in a Cell match. Super into this, very excited. 

Lacy Evans vs. Dana Brooke: Evans attacked before the bell, which made Brooke super mad so they beat into each other. Evans quickly fought back into the match and hit some of her signature offense. Evans quickly hit the Woman’s Right, but she didn’t make the pin. Instead, she locked in the sharpshooter, and called out Natalya as she did. Brooke tapped out.

Grade: C+. Squash squash squash. Loved to see Brooke though!

Robert Roode vs. Seth Rollins: The two started out with some chain wrestling, before picking things up. Rollins destroyed Roode with a series of fast paced strikes and kicks, but Roode took him down with a vicious knee to the gut. At one point, Rollins was going to go for a suicide dive, but Ziggler hopped up on the apron to stop him. However, that didn’t half Rollins’ momentum, until Roode gave Rollins a forearm to the outside, and then Ziggler hit him with one of his own to give Roode control. Roode continued to maintain control, until Rollins countered a spinebuster into a Falcon Arrow for a near fall. In the finish, Rollins slipped out of a superplex to deliver a buckle bomb, superkick to the stomach, and then a stomp, only for Ziggler to break it up and give Rollins the win by DQ. 

Rollins and Ziggler brawled after the match, when the OC all ran down to help in the beatdown. He ate a magic killer, a Styles Clash and a Superkick. Then they continued to stomp on him, but Kane came out and beat everyone down. He gave Gallows and Anderson and Styles chokeslams. But after he cleared the ring, the lights slowly went out, the Fiend showed up once again and took Kane down with the mandible claw. Then he cradled a basically unconscious Rollins. The show ended with a demonic and long rendition of the Firefly Fun House song.

Grade: B. The match was good, not really spectacular. But the post match beatdown was fun, and Bray Wyatt showing up to beat down Kane was great. This is what should’ve happened last week with Austin and Taker. Cradling Rolllins was super creepy, and then a rendition of the Firefly Fun House Song to close it out. A hell of a way to close out Raw. 

Overall Grade: C

Pros: opening promo; KOTR final; main event

Cons: Random Strowman attack; all the baby stuff; women’s tag; 

I know its only been 4 months since I did this last but i’m updating that 60 question thing for my squids, keeping the old one as a ref to see what changed and what didn’t lmao.

1: What’s your OCs favorite color? Sugarpon likes pink and yellow, Bloop likes yellow and blue, Rattle likes yellow, Twigs purple and pink, Slick likes yellow and red, Bicycle likes blue, BB likes soda blue and red, Puff likes green and yellow, Moth likes blue and whites and creams, Pinweel likes blue and pink, Stefano likes earthy greens and orange, Axial liked yellow. Pretty much their ink and outfit colors minus Axial, who just really liked the color of his husband’s eyes.

2: Where does your OC work? Most are tiny kids so a lot don’t have jobs. Twigs used to work on a farm before moving to the city and Slick works at a comic book store. Moth wants to be a full-time fashion designer but hasn’t been able to land a job so he works for Grizz Co (and hates it). Stefano has a job but I don’t know what it is. Puff probably works with weapon repairs. Axial was a big-time competitive player, but after briefly becoming a single dad he switched over to casual turf.

3: What’s your OCs favorite food? Sugarpon:  Strawberry shortcake with lots of whipped cream and extra strawberries + choco sauce. Also strawberry and cream and raspberry crepes. Bloop: Chocolate banana fudge bread. He loves choco+banana combo foods. Sneakers:  Spicy bbq and warm, fluffy bread drizzled in sauce. Rattle: Super sour keylime pie with lemon cream. Really likes sour candies too. Twigs: Enjoys a good steak when he can get one Bicycle: Butterscotch pudding with sugar crystals on top. BB: Big fluffy pancakes with chocolate chips and whipped cream, drizzled with chocolate and chopped strawberries. Slick: Fried rice with lots of carrots and chopped boiled eggs with a sweet spicy sauce. Puff: Super spicy curry and savory crepes with butter-sauteed onions, mushrooms, and spicy seasoned pork. Loves things hot ! Moth: Fried eggs over a potato and veggie hash with ham and lots of black pepper.  Pinwheel: Crepes with lots of whipped cream, raspberries, blackberries, and strawberries and drizzled in a chocolate sauce. Stefano: Warm, caramel glazed bread with apple-cinnamon and cream filling. Loves any kind of homemade bread. Axial: Big messy burgers with lots of tomatoes, mushrooms, and bbq sauce.

4: Does your OC prefer paper or plastic? Plastic for most. Moth and Stefano like paper

5: How old is your OC? Sugarpon is 11, Pinwheel is 11, Bloop is 12, Sneakers is 13, Rattle 14, BB and Bicycle 15, Slick 19, Puff is 20, Twigs 22, and Moth is 24. Stefano is in his 20′s. Axial is deceased.

6: Does your OC have any supernatural powers? They’re all squids so they can jump off high things and not get hurt.

7: Is your OC in a relationship? Puff is super in love with his date, Chunk. He’s incredibly snuggly towards them and loves giving them big hugs. Moth is dating sweet Tacky, his boyfriend who he cherishes very much ! He’s very important to him, and loves to smooch his head. Stefano has 3 whole boyfriend ???? He smorch. Axial was married to Jack. He loved that loser a lot.

8: What are some of your OCs strengths? Sugarpon: Always able to look on the bright side of things Bloop: Very determined to try his best when he can, doesn’t give up on his dreams. Sneakers: She’s a very good listener. Rattle: A great leader who energizes those around her. Twigs: Very helpful and helps out however he can. BB: He’ll always have your back if you’re a friend, and admits his mistakes. Bicycle: very good at including others Slick: Really good at cheering up his friends. Puff: Won’t give up on a task until its complete. Moth: Very supportive and will always stick by his friends’s side. Patient and well organized. Pinwheel: Doesn’t pressure others to do things they don’t want to do, seeks help when needed. Stefano: Attentive to his surroundings and those around him, able to focus well. Axial: Never let anyone walk over him and put him down, high self confidence.

9: What are some of your OCs weaknesses? Sugarpon: She gets hurt real easily when things get hard. Bloop: Blames his losses on others. Lacks confidence in himself and gets lonely really easily. Sneakers: She gives up on things when they get too hard or feel out of reach. Rattle: Not good at knowing when to tone things down. Twigs: A bit of a pushover. Does what he’s told and doesn’t question if its something that he might actually want to do. BB: Won’t admit when he likes things if it doesn’t seem to fit him. Depends on his sister a lot to meet others and do things rather than trying to do something himself. Bicycle: Likes to goof off too much, often putting the goal at risk. Slick: Tries to act cool, but ends up being a huge jerk and sometimes a bully. Puff: Tends to get pouty and gets distracted very easily. Moth: Gets very panicky when things go south, has a hard time thinking clearly when things are bad. Pinwheel: Teases others Stefano: A little obsessive with collecting things, would put off meeting up with someone to go buy something he wanted. Axial:  Hard-headed, extremely stubborn.

10: What is your OCs favorite outfit? All their default outfits for turf lmao

11: What animal does your OC relate to? Squids

14: Does your OC have a cell phone? If so, what kind? Twigs, Slick, and BB have cellphones. Twigs cause he’s 22, Slick cause he’s 19, and BB cause his mom worries about him and Bicycle and want to make sure they’re okay. Moth and Pinwheel have cell phones, Pinwheel likes to call home and call Sushi a lot. Moth likes texting his friends a lot. Stefano and Puff have phones as well. Axial had one.

16: When is your OCs favorite time of year? Sugarpon: Spring Bloop: Summer Sneakers: Fall Rattle: Summer Twigs: Winter BB: Fall Bicycle: Spring Slick: Summer Puff: Summer Moth: Fall Pinwheel: Summer Stefano: Spring Axial: Summer

19: Does your OC prefer plaid or polka dots? Sugarpon: Polkadot ! Bloop: Dots Sneakers: Plaid Rattle: Dots Twigs: Plaid BB: Plaid Bicycle: Dots Slick: Plaid Puff: Dots Moth: Plaid Pinwheel: Dots Stefano: Plaid Axial: Plaid

20: What’s your OCs favorite kind of pizza? Sugarpon: Cheese ! Bloop: Pepperoni with 4 cheese Sneakers: Olive with extra cheese Rattle: Stuffed crust with spinach and ham Twigs: Smoked mozzarella with peppers and sausage BB: Pepperoni and onions and tomatoes Bicycle: Alfredo with chicken Slick: Meat lovers with banana peppers Puff: Cheddar with jalapenos, tomatoes, and pepperoni Moth: Buttermilk Alfredo with pork, potatoes, cheddar, and black pepper Pinwheel: Cheese with sliced boiled eggs and ham Stefano: Pretzel crust with macaroni Axial: Pepperoni and sausage with olives

21: Who is your OCs best friend? Sugarpon: Dexter Bloop: He says he doesn’t know Sneakers: Sugarpon Rattle: Her team ! Twigs: ?? BB: Bicycle Bicycle: Rattle Slick: lmao Puff: Chunky Moth: Tacky, Kyle, and Sushi ! Pinwheel: also Tacky, Kyle, and Sushi lmao Stefano: The Stefanos ?? Axial: Lulu and Jack were his best friends

22: Has your OC ever killed someone? No they’re squids...they’ve splatted people in turf

23: Whats your OCs biggest secret? Bloop gets really lonely a lot and cries a lot. He just wants to be accepted but tries too hard. He usually hides under the bed when he’s feeling really upset. He’s also really scared to lose his other Dad. Twigs doesn’t know what he’s doing with his life and its eating at him daily. Moth knows Tacky’s real name...

25: What time of year does your OC prefer? Look at the seasons question...

26: Is your OC a human or an animal? They’re squids

27: What languages does your OC speak? Whatever squid language is

28: Does your OC like anime? Slick and Bicycle do. Rattle too. Stefano does too.

29: Can your OC swim? None of them can

31: Does your OC believe in fairies? Sugarpon, Rattle, Pinwheel, Stefano, and the twins do. Rest don’t. Bloop says he doesn’t but he probably does.

33: Are your OCs parents dead? Bloop’s biological father passed away and his biological mother left when he was young. He still has a (neglectful) father, and now has two moms who adopted him. Sugarpon’s parents aren’t dead but she’s really neglected. Slick’s mom passed away.

35: How flexible is your OC? They’re all pretty flexible I feel like, they don’t have bones.

42: Does your OC drink coffee or tea? Twigs drinks coffee and tea, Slick drinks coffee. Moth likes coffee and bubble tea, Stefano likes coffee and tea.

43: Who is your OCs biggest hero? Sugarpon: Dexter and Marie Bloop: His Dads Sneakers: Sugarpon Rattle: Twigs Twigs: ??? BB: Bicycle Bicycle: People who can make cake Slick: Some comic book hero maybe, or an mlg turfer Puff: Chunky Moth: His friends Pinwheel: Kyle Stefano: The waiter who brings out complementary bread Axial: Lulu

44: What color eyes does your OC have? Sugarpon has orange eyes, Bloop yellow, Sneakers brown, Rattle green, Twigs pink, BB and Bicycle are blue, Slick is green, Puff brown, Moth pale olive, Pinwheel white, Stefano blue, Axial yellow

45: Does your OC like reading? Twigs likes reading, BB likes reading, Moth also likes reading. Bicycle, Rattle, Pinwheel, Stefano, and Slick like reading comics Bloop has a hard time reading.

47: Does your OC tolerate violence? They all turf so yea i guess so. Moth kinda against it when working for Grizz Co.

50: Does your OC cry easily? Bloop and Sugarpon cry easily. BB and Slick cry sometimes. Moth cries easily when Tacky is involved or when fog is involved. Pinwheel cries when Moth won’t leave the house cause of fog. Stefano cries over toys he wants but can’t get. Axial would cry over his son. Bicycle Rattle Puff Twigs and Sneakers don’t really cry that much.

51: What is your OCs favorite genre of music? Sugarpon: Squid Sisters Bloop: ABXY Sneakers: Turquoise October Rattle: Squid Squad Twigs: Hightide Era BB: Squid Sisters Bicycle: ABXY Slick: Squid Squad Puff: Wet Floor Moth: Turquoise October Pinwheel: Off the Hook Stefano: Squid Sisters Axial: not sure what groups were around ! 52: How does your OC feel about insects? Most prob okay with them. Slick might not like butterflies.

53: What is your OCs sexual orientation? Idk but none are het.

54: Does your OC smoke? None do.

55: What gender is your OC? Sugarpon, Sneakers, Rattle, Pinwheel, and Bicycle are female Bloop, Twigs, BB, Slick, Puff, Moth, Stefano, and Axial are male.

56: What kind of clothes does your OC wear? Fresh ones.

57: Would you call your OC adventurous? Sugarpon, Rattle, Moth, Pinwheel, and Bicycle are. Axial was. Rest aren’t super.

58: Is your OC introverted or extroverted? Intro: Twigs, Sneakers, BB, Slick, Puff, Bloop Extro: Sugarpon, Bicycle, Rattle, Pinwheel, Moth, Axial, Stefano

59: What is the first thing that someone would notice about your OC? Sugarpon, Bloop, Sneakers, and Pinwheel: Dang those are some tiny squids Twigs: Dang that’s a beefy squid Rattle: Dang she’s standing up on that building is she ok BB and Bicycle: Dang they’re always together Slick: Dang what a jerk Puff: Dang that squid loves their date Moth: Dang that’s a tall squid Stefano: Dang what a hipster Axial: Dang that’s a grave

60: Does your OC enjoy nature? All do yes

CHICAGO: NOVEMBER 20, 2012

I found a children’s book the other day. It was in a large leather trunk full of dusty old records and CDs being sold for a quarter a piece. The trunk had me contemplating currency inflation—having one of my now-daily panic attacks about the passage of time, and freaking out about how nothing costs a quarter anymore. I mean, you can get a nut or bolt at a hardware store, I guess. Pretty much nothing else. But at this random surplus shop on the north side—with its hip, just-dirty-enough twenty-something owners, its scratchy old albums playing through vintage Radiola speakers from the 1920s, and its entire kitchen furnished with 1960s appliances, dishware, and utensils—you can also choose from hundreds of subpar-to-terrible albums: The Spice Girls’ Forever, Billy Idol’s Cyberpunk, Dylan and the Dead, Billy Ray Cyrus’ Some Gave All, David Bowie’s Never Let Me Down, Christmas in the Stars: the Star Wars Christmas Album, The Rolling Stones’ Dirty Work, Milli Vanilli’s All or Nothing, Stevie Wonder’s Woman in Red, Limp Bizkit’s Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, Mariah Carey’s Glitter.

The children’s book was nestled between Oasis’s Standing on the Shoulders of Giants and Alanis Morissette’s Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie. It was about ten inches tall and a foot wide, and it was thin—maybe thirty pages with a cardboard cover. The picture on the cover was a full-color drawing of an old dog sitting on a sidewalk in front of some evergreen bushes. He was some kind of adorable slate-colored Catahoula Leopard Dog mix with floppy ears, huge, icy blue eyes, and a long, skinny snout, and he was sitting facing forward, with his head tilted to the left and his ears cocked as if someone had just asked him, “Do you want a treat?” in that voice that dog owners use when trying to get a rise out of their precious little beasts. In an arch of yellow bubble letters over the dog’s head, the cover read, So Long, Buddy.

I stood there over that trunk of records, in the far corner of the back room of the store, under a big velvet painting of Abe Lincoln and some Mahogany-mounted deer antlers, and I read So Long, Buddy. The story goes something like this:

Buddy is a fourteen year-old dog who has been a part of the Smith family since he was a pup. The Smith family also has a boy named Charlie—a short and skinny six year-old with a mop of blonde hair and cheeks so rosy that it looks like he spends his mornings digging around in Mom’s makeup cabinet. Charlie has always known an existence with Buddy at his side. He knows nothing else. When the story begins, it is a blue Sunday morning at the scrambled egg-laden breakfast table, and Charlie has just been told by his obviously intelligent parents (who look like caricatures of the parents in the Happy Days sitcom from the ‘70s) that Buddy is going to go away tomorrow, and he is never coming back. When Charlie cries and asks, “Why?!” the parents don’t hide from the truth, or make up any fairy tales about there being a dog heaven and all of that kind of bullshit antiquated talk that I’m frankly quite sick of. No, Charlie’s parents tell him that Buddy has a heart, just like all of them, and that Buddy’s heart isn’t working so well, and is going to stop soon. But then, before the thought even crosses Charlie’s mind, they also assure him that THEIR hearts are still working GREAT, and so is his. It will be a long time before any of them have to go away forever, they tell him. And they tell him that this is a day for them to celebrate Buddy. They have set aside the whole day to do nothing but play with Buddy—to do all of his favorite things. Then, that evening, they will all have to say goodbye.

Charlie gets really upset, of course. He runs up to his room and dives face down onto his blue race car bed, where he cries into his pillow. But then Buddy comes upstairs and lies down with Charlie, and Charlie snuggles with him and asks him why he has to leave. Buddy licks his face, and Charlie wipes away his tears and laughs. Then Buddy rolls over on his back, and Charlie rubs his belly. This calms Charlie down, and his mom comes upstairs and helps Charlie puts his jacket and boots on, because they are all leaving to take Buddy to the park.

In the backseat of the car, Charlie pets Buddy and lets him climb over him to stick his nose out the window and sniff at the rush of air in his face, as first the city then a flowery countryside roll by in the window. Charlie has a memory of himself as a much younger boy, riding in the same backseat with Buddy. Buddy pulled off his little baby boots and licked his feet. Charlie also remembers the time he fed a whole cheeseburger to Buddy in the backseat, and then his dad got mad and yelled at him, but then said, “Well, we can’t have a full dog and a hungry boy!” and took them back to the drive-thru to get another cheeseburger for Charlie.

The whole family goes to the park and plays fetch with a stick for a while, and then they go to a river and it seems a lot warmer all of a sudden—there’s lots of sun and people are in short sleeves. Charlie was wearing a coat and boots before, remember? But it doesn’t matter. The story and images are still tugging at the ol’ heartstrings with all they’ve got. Then—after hours of playing, which we realize have passed because of the red sun lying low on the horizon—Buddy lays down in the green grass, and he looks tired, and Charlie can tell that he’s not feeling to good, and Charlie leaves his parents and walks over to Buddy and lays down next to him and tells him that it’s okay. That he’s been a great dog. And that he can go away now if it’ll make him feel better.

A couple nights after I read that book, Jim and I had just played a show, after which we went out for some drinks with a few friends from Schubas.1 We were in a 4 o’clock bar over on Western, just north of Belmont.2 Jim was talking to some of our friends from Schubas, and the band we had played with—three guys from Cleveland—were entertaining themselves by flirting with some women down at the other end of the bar, trying to find themselves some nice warm beds to sleep in for the night. I was watching the boys do their thing, reminiscing about the days when I used to spend nearly every night doing the same, and talking to a co-worker about dogs. I was drunk and, despite all the action that night, I was feeling a bit sad, as most people in 4 o’clock bars are most of the time. My co-worker, Kirsten, was telling me about her latest foster dog that she had taken in from the pit bull rescue shelter she volunteered for.

“He’s amazing. He’s really smart and loyal and nice and well-behaved. Such a sweet boy. I don’t know what I’m going to do with him,” she said. She was smiling, but looked like she wanted to cry, anyway. She put her face in her hands. “Not only does he need a home, but I need him to find a home. Having three dogs has already pretty much eliminated my chances of ever getting laid again,” she said. “I can’t keep taking more.”

I put down my empty bottle of beer and ordered another. “What’s wrong with him?” I asked. “Why was he given up in the first place?”

She lifted her face from her hands and sipped her pint. “Nothing is wrong with him,” she said. “He was born at the shelter. My dog Anna is actually his littermate—his sister. She was the runt of the litter. She looks just like him, but she’s half his size, and gray instead of blonde. So when I adopted Anna, I also volunteered to take him for the first three months. Then we found a woman to adopt him who we thought was going to be great, but she ended up being a total bitch.”

A huge man in a cigar-scented flannel shirt moved in between us and loudly ordered a Corona and four shots of Patron. I waited for him to get the drinks, pay, squeeze a lime into his beer, dole out the shots to a few perfume-soaked girls in low-cut dresses, propose a toast, clink glasses, take the shot, return the shot glasses to the bar, apologize to Kirsten, try starting a conversation with the bartender, and finally retreat when the bartender pretended not to hear him.

When he moved and Kirsten finally reappeared, I asked her, “What’d she do?”

“Who?”

“The woman.”

“Oh.” Kirsten sipped her pint again. “Well, the first thing she did was lose him. She lost him for a whole week. Then the shelter helped her find him, and then she went to San Francisco and left him with a friend for weeks, and when she got back he had an ear infection. Then after THAT, she took him to the vet with a broken toe. The vet asked, ‘How’d he break his toe?’ And she said, ‘I don’t know, I wasn’t watching him.’”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah. So finally, when the woman called the shelter and said she wanted to move into a condo that didn’t allow dogs, the shelter was like, ‘Great! Please give him back!’ None of us wanted her to have him any more. We want him to go to a home that will actually pay attention to him and love him so he doesn’t turn into a trouble dog.” 

I took another long pull from my beer and quickly ran through my income and monthly expenses in my head. “How old is he?” I asked.

Kirsten looked at me and smiled. “He’ll be a year old on December 10.”

And now I have a dog. He’s a sandy blonde American Staffordshire Terrier—fifty-seven pounds and twenty inches tall at the withers—with a white chest and throat, a pink belly, and white front paws up to the wrists. His entire body is solidly built, with a short, shiny coat and a well-defined musculature—he often reminds me of a horse in that you can literally see each muscle on his body, and his upper thighs and arms ripple like well-toned biceps when he gets worked up about something and starts pulling on his leash. His head is topped with floppy ears that pull backwards when he is excited, and it is broad at the skull—very broad—with a wrinkly forehead that makes it look like he’s always concerned about something. On either side of those wrinkles are large, bright eyes with copper-ringed, bluish-green irises. His round cheeks are each accented by one fluffy little bump with two long white whiskers coming from them. Between those big cheeks, his muzzle is about as long as a regular ol’ coffee cup is tall, and tipped with a pink nose that is always wet and cold. Two maybe three-inch long white whiskers hang down from his chin, giving him the air of Confucius (though I am possibly the only one that thinks this), and his huge mouth of evenly-spaced white teeth and pink everything else is always smiling when open, and locked in a tight, cute little frown under his floppy jowls when closed.

I named the dog Willie, which is a tribute to my uncle, who passed away back on May 28. Memorial Day. Uncle John was a Navy man—he had served as an electronic technician on two Western Pacific tours during the Vietnam War. He returned from the war to get married and have three handsome sons, then get divorced and spend the rest of his life working his ass off and drinking. A lot. Then he went and died alone in his apartment in Kenosha, Wisconsin, on Memorial Day. Jim and Adam and I were attending a Memorial Day barbecue, and we were stuffed full of barbecued brisket and potato salad and macaroni and cheese and beer and happiness when Mom called and told us that Uncle John died alone in his living room, sitting in his favorite chair, watching Comedy Central on television.

Uncle John was Mom’s younger brother—only 64 years old. He was a father of three, a brother of six, an uncle to many, a husband, a son. He was also an electrician, a gardener, a freelance frog hunter, a golf caddy, and even a butcher for a time. But more impressive than all of those things were his skills at the almighty karaoke. Uncle John was an unabashed Willie Nelson fan, through and through. He had the hair to prove it. He had a big gray beard and this long, grayish brown hair that he would part down the middle and weave into two thick braids, and he would tie a red bandana around his head and let the braids fall over his shoulders and over his flannel shirt down to his belly. He would dress up in that outfit and go to karaoke nights at the local pubs to sing Willie Nelson songs, and he did it so much that he actually got a bit of a reputation around town—enough of a reputation that he was invited to sing a Willie Nelson song on public access television. They played that video in the middle of the night all over southeastern Wisconsin. And now Uncle John lives on forever not only in his three handsome young sons, but also in a video on YouTube in which he sings an off-key version of “Blue Skies” into a microphone with a hilariously stern look on his face, and a video of strippers and kabuki dancers spliced with stock scenic footage playing behind him as he croons his big ol’ heart out.

So my new dog’s name is Willie, and I think of Uncle John and his sad, beautiful life any time Willie does anything. And Willie does a lot of things. Willie snores in his sleep. He grunts like an old man, and sighs heavily when he lies down. He stretches in the Downward Dog yoga position until his back cracks, which I tell him might give him back problems one day, but he doesn’t care. He always wants to cuddle—to be touched, even if that touching is just his back pressing against your leg. If Willie starts out the night sleeping spread out on the floor or on a couch in the living room, he will nevertheless end it sleeping curled up like a cat at the foot of your bed, usually with his head resting in the crook of your ankle or knee. In the morning when you first begin to stir, he’ll work his way up from the foot of the bed—crawling slowly on his belly until his whole body is up by your head, where he will proceed to lick your face and push at your shoulders and back with his big paws.

When you are finally up and walking around and Willie has eaten his bowl of salmon kibble and wants to go outside, he will trot up to you, looking up at your face with those big, sad eyes of his, and he will reach out his right leg and put his paw on your shin. If you are brewing coffee or looking at your computer or brushing your teeth or doing anything else that is distracting you from him, he’ll try this paw-on-the-shin technique several times before he abandons it and begins jumping up to put both his paws on your midsection, pushing at you with all of his fifty-seven pounds.

When you get Willie’s harness down from the coat rack, he will sit until you drape it over his head, then stand so you can easily clip it under his arms. And when you grab his leash, he will already be at the door, wagging his tail and moving around, and it may be difficult for you to clip the leash to the harness because the poor guy is so excited, and now he really needs to pee. Or poo. Or smell another dog’s pee or poo. Or just run and pull and get out that energy that has been pent up in him for the past several hours, as he laid around and huffed and whimpered and chased rabbits in his sleep.

On walks, Willie will pull you from smell to smell, occasionally stopping to look back up at you over his left shoulder just to make sure you are having as much fun as he is. If it is raining, he will stop every half block or so to shake off the wetness. If it is cold, he will stop every block or so to shake off the cold, after which he will lift each paw, one at a time, off of the frozen pavement. He likes the smell of pine. He likes stuffing his nose down into the wider cracks in the sidewalk and sniffing and huffing and making a lot of noise. He also likes the rat that was hit by a car in the alley, and has now been frozen and thawed and run over and thawed and frozen again so many times that it no longer looks like a rat, or anything, for that matter. It has become a part of the pavement.

If you tug upwards on his leash when approaching a puddle, Willie will jump over it as if he’s been doing that his whole life. If you don’t tug upwards on his leash, Willie will walk directly through the puddle, splashing through the mud, and he’ll maybe even stoop to smell it or try taking a drink before you pull him away.

Willie knows the street that takes you south, down across Belmont and over to the dog park, and if your walk takes you by that street, he’ll try to pull you that direction. He always wants to go to the dog park. Sometimes you’ll give in, and you’ll walk him there and walk across the baseball diamond and past the tennis courts and you’ll stand inside that tall black fence in the frozen gravel, and the steam from your breath will fog up your glasses under your hood while he runs circles around the trees with the other dogs and sometimes chases the tennis ball you throw. Willie will never bring the ball all the way back to where you stand, but will try to make you take a few steps to get it, and when you bend over and are just about to pick it up, he’ll snatch it up in his jaws and run away with it. He’ll do this until you punish him by ignoring him, when he will finally approach you as if to say, “Okay, okay. You win.” So you’ll pat him on the head and throw the disgusting, drool-soaked ball for him again, and if another dog gets to it before he does, he’ll growl a bit, but his wagging tail will show that he’s really just messing around, and then he’ll wait for the other dog to drop the ball, when he will snatch it up and chase the other dog around for a while before stopping to smell his or her crotch and maybe trying to mount him or her and tighten up his muscular little butt cheeks for a good ten seconds of humping before you and/or the other dog’s owner can get yourself over there—both of you laughing—to pull them apart. And he’ll do all of this—the running, the sniffing, the humping—with that tennis ball in his mouth.

When your fingers are tingling with the cold and your feet hurt and it is time to go so you get Willie’s leash ready, he’ll see what’s coming and immediately run over to the one bench in the park, which he will lay under. He knows when it’s time to go, and he never wants to go. And he’ll work that tennis ball in his mouth—he’ll get it deep down in his throat where it will get covered with a thick lather of white spit—and to get him to drop it you’ll try saying “Drop it!” a good twenty times before you finally have to resort to tricking him into thinking that you are going to throw another ball, then quickly putting both balls where he can’t get them, clipping the leash on him, and getting him out from under the bench and out of the fenced area quickly and efficiently before he even realizes what you’ve done or has time to react. You’ll say, “Good boy!” and he’ll look up at you and smile with his tongue hanging out the left side of his mouth, and he’ll wag his tail, but really you know that he’s still just thinking of that damned ball—that standard, optic yellow tennis ball, approximately 6.7 centimeters in diameter, rubber, covered in that distinctive fluffy fibrous felt and soaked in dog spit. He loves that damned ball.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t thinking of old Bronco Bill and his good ol’ dog Kojak when I decided to adopt Willie. I mean, I was obviously also thinking of So Long, Buddy, which I had just read a couple days previous, and I was thinking of my family’s first dog, Aggie, and of my Uncle John dying alone while watching Comedy Central in his living room, and of the fact that I’m about to be alone again most of the time. But sitting there in that dark 4 o’clock bar, coming down from the adrenaline rush of playing a raucous and meaningless rock show, feeling sort of low and being presented with the idea of a companion to ride with me through the next fourteen-to-sixteen years or so, I can definitely say that I saw Bronco Bill’s face shining in those dashboard lights back in June of 2001, and I could smell the weed in the Chevy Cavalier and feel the sunburn on my neck and ears and the dirt in my socks, feel the intense loneliness and dreamlike sense of un-being, and I could hear Bronco Bill slap the dashboard—BOOM—and hear him say those words:

“And now, whenever I get worried about my health, I just put my hand on Kojak’s big ol’ chest, and I feel his weird, irregular heartbeat—the long spaces, the heavy pounds, the quick pumps—and I look into his eyes—calm as ever—and I think, ‘Shit, he’s not worried about anything. I’ve got nothin’ to be afraid of.’”

Jim and I formed a two-piece garage rock band when I moved to Chicago a little more than six years ago. Playing in a band with my big brother—my big brother who brought that first acoustic guitar into my life, and who was the first person to introduce me to music other than pop radio—playing in a band with him was actually one of my main motivations for moving to Chicago in the first place. I had a couple dozen songs that I had written over the course of the previous several years out in California, where I had been playing them in coffee shops and in front of friends on an old acoustic guitar—just for kicks, really. When I first came to Chicago and was crashing at Jim’s, I played him a few of the songs at an open mike at the Innertown Pub one night and he liked what he heard, so he came up with the idea that we should get me on an electric, turn it up loud, and he’d lay down some drums and we could play a few shows. Maybe record an album or two. Be a band. It’s been several years now, and we’ve worked the band into our routines. We practice once a week, play a show once a month, and record an album once a year. It’s a good release, and we keep it fun and relaxed because we have no delusions of grandeur. We don’t see fame or fortune in either of our futures. We just enjoy playing together. It gets us in a room with each other on a regular basis, and that is a good thing, because we genuinely like each other. ↩︎

Most of Chicago’s bars close at 2 o’clock Sunday through Friday and 3 o’clock on Saturday, but several stay open until 4 o’clock Sunday through Friday (and 5 o’clock on Saturday). These bars usually get very little business until all the other bars call last call at around 1:30, when they fill with drunks who just want to get drunker, kids that are high and only want to get higher, and lonely types making a last ditch effort at finding a one night stand. No one enters a 4 o’clock bar devoid of desire. Ever. There’s no reason to. ↩︎

Title: Ryker

Series: Sinister Knights MC

Author: Aria Cole

Genre: MC Romance

Publication Date: January 19, 2018

Add to Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2qHMLL7

#ChapterReveal #NewRelease #Ryker #SinisterKnightsMC #AriaCole #OneClickIt

Purchase Links:

Amazon: smarturl.it/RykerAC  

Also available via Kindle Unlimited

Synopsis:

Ride. Protect. Defend. Anna Kloss grew up as a smart girl in the Sinister Knights Motorcycle Club, an above-the-law group of misfits that fights to safeguard the women of their town. Straddling both worlds, she's lived the last few years in a college dorm, losing herself in the promise of her future and trying to forget the lost love of her past. As Vice President of the Sinister Knights, Ryker Beckett has proven his dedication and loyalty by sitting in a county jail cell for three years for saving one woman from a nightmarish assault. The woman. The only one who matters. Prez's young, innocent, and untouched daughter, Anna. But now, Ryker is back, his sights set on reconnecting with the woman who occupied every minute of his thoughts while he was away. Anna's all grown up, but she’s still the only one he can't have, the only one he craves... Is she ready for this giant, rough-around-the-edges biker to protect and defend her forever?

Warning: Ryker is hard in all the right places—a tall, tattooed drink of water sitting on a powerful engine. He's got his mind on one woman only, and when he sees her again, he's determined to get her bred and on his bike for their sexy ride into the sunset.

Chapter 1

One Anna

“So when do you think that sexy hunk of man meat will be here?” My best friend, Piper, threw herself onto my violet duvet.

“He’s not sexy.” I turned away from her, heart falling in my chest at just the thought of him.

“Bullshit.” Piper snapped her gum. “You’ve been pining over him since he went away.”

“I haven’t,” I protested.

“Again, I’m gonna have to call bullshit. So when’s he coming back?”

“I don’t know. I heard Dad say the party starts tonight, so I’m thinking sometime between now and then.” Dad would have killed me if he’d known I was eavesdropping outside of his office while he was on my phone, but the old man had refused to give me any information relating to Ryker, and I’d grown desperate for anything.

“Between now and then, huh?” Piper eyed me curiously. “So what are you gonna say to the asshole?”

“He’s not an asshole, Piper.”

“Well, he hasn’t written in the three years he’s been gone.”

“Maybe he couldn’t,” I defended weakly.

“But he could keep in touch with your dad?”

“Dad went to visit him every week, kept him in the loop, but I wasn’t allowed to go.”

Piper frowned. “You should call him on that bullshit. This is your life, you’ve got to get your man.”

“He’s not my man.” But he used to be.

“He was when he went up to County. I’m bettin’ he still sees you that way now.”

“Thirty-six months is a long time to be…” I struggled to find the word. The club didn’t say things like prison, jail, incarcerated. They said, “going away.” It was safer that way.

“He owes you an explanation,” Piper said finally.

“He doesn’t owe me anything. I think he’s given me enough already.” I felt the bundle of tears clogging my throat.

“That’s not your fault, Anna. You’re not the reason he’s up there.”

I paused, holding the gaze of the girl I’d been friends with since I was three.

“Feels like it.”

Her eyes searched my face before she collapsed with uncharacteristic emotion and pulled me into her embrace. “I know it does, Anna, but it’s not. I promise you it’s not.”

I wiped at the itchy tears running down my face. Every day without Ryker in my life felt like a bullet fracturing my soul.

Would he even want me anymore? Was I the same girl he left?

I wasn’t sure I was, and somewhere down deep, I felt guilt for changing on him too.

In the weeks following Ryker’s arrest and sentencing, Dad had sent me away to an early entrance college program that could fast-track me to a degree in sociology.

I’d only half wanted to go before the event that changed all of our lives. So when I’d told Dad I planned to stay right here at Falcon’s Nest and wait for Ryker to get home, he’d pulled me off my ass and thrown me out the door faster than I could blink.

All for the best, he’d said.

It’d taken me a long couple years to see the wisdom in that statement.

Now I was only six months away from earning my degree and back home for the summer. Back where it all began.

“So what time does that party start? I don’t want to be late.” Piper twittered behind me.

“We’re not going.”

“Why the hell not? It’s Ryker’s welcome home party, right? We’d like to welcome him.”

“You might like to welcome him. I’d rather sit here and sulk away the pain.”

“I’d really like to check out that bod. I bet he got big in the joint.” Piper’s eyes lit up.

I shook my head. “I don’t care.”

“Ha! He was a big motherfucker before, just imagine him now, Anna. Bulging biceps, washboard abs… Remember when we used to watch him do pull-ups in the garage?” Her eyes glassed over with the pleasurable memory.

“I remember you dragging me down into the ditch and getting covered in thistle weeds when he caught us.”

“He didn’t catch us,” Piper retorted.

“He did.” I laughed. “He told me he did.”

“Shit.”

“Not as stealthy as you thought, sister.”

She stuck out her tongue at me. “What are you gonna wear to the party?

Something short, show off those legs. You’ve lost at least ten pounds since he last saw you.”

“Twelve.” I groaned, “And I’m not going. I’m staying right here, and if I run into him, I run into him—”

“This one will make your tits look great.” She ignored everything I’d just said and pushed a clingy purple dress over my head.

“Piper!” I spat as I shoved my arms through the holes. “My dad will fucking kill us if we show up. It's a members-only kind of thing.”

“We’re members.” She adjusted the dress around my boobs, pulling the neckline down a little farther. “Well, you are. And I sorta am…by proxy or something.”

I arched an eyebrow when she spun me in the mirror. I frowned, taking in my curvy form.

“You look fucking hot.”

My frown deepened.

“He’s going to want to bone you the second he sees you.”

“Piper!”

“It’s a good dress. And, you’re kind of fucking gorgeous, Anna. I know no one tells you that. I don't know why they don’t tell you that… It’s that whole, I'm too smart for you unapproachable vibe you’ve got going on, but it’s true. You’re fucking gorgeous, and I bet Ryker beat off to you every night he was in that place, just waiting to see you again.”

A blush burned up my cheeks. “What if I don’t know him anymore, Piper?”

“Well, then it’s time to get reacquainted tonight.” She winked at my reflection in the mirror.

“I’m not going to that party.”

“Over my dead body, sister. Now let's get into your makeup. It just so happens I brought my falsies with me.” She yanked a pair of false eyelashes out of her huge purse. “You’re gonna look like a Kardashian tonight.”

“Ugh or a hooker. Kill me now.”

“Not until your face is done. After that, I don’t care what you do.” Piper pushed me into my bathroom, flicking on the light and plopping me ass-first onto the bench. “Time for him to see what he’s been missing.”

Author the Author:

Aria Cole is a thirty-something housewife who once felt bad for reading dirty books late at night, until she decided to write her own. Possessive alpha men and the sassy heroines who love them are common, along with a healthy dose of irresistible insta-love and happily ever afters so sweet your teeth may ache.

For a safe, off-the-charts HOT, and always HEA story that doesn’t take a lifetime to read, get lost in an Aria Cole book!

Follow Aria on Amazon for new release updates or stalk her on Facebook and Twitter to see which daring book boyfriend she’s writing next! Sign up to get a NEW RELEASE ALERT from me! http://eepurl.com/ccGnRX

Author Links:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/authorariacole

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Goodreads Author Page: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/15148497.Aria_Cole

Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/Aria-Cole/e/B01FBKXQ7W/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1477124544&sr=8-2-ent

Notes taken during Super Bowl XLVIII

PREGAME

This is a Fox broadcast. It opens with a crazy classroom-looking thing where the players write on the chalkboard what they'll do. Okay. Sure. I guess.

Peyton Manning says he'll compete his butt off.

Buck and Aikman in the booth. Looks like this recording includes a half-hour of pregame.

Aikman: Peyton Manning knows what to expect. Russell Wilson says it's just like any other game, but it's just not.

Buck: Number one ranked defense of the Seahawks vs. the number one ranked offense of Denver.

Aikman: What will decide the game is what happens when the Seattle offense faces the Denver defense.

Pete Carroll: All the plans in the world may not work for us. Everybody's tried to stop Peyton Manning and nobody's been able to do it. We'll mix it up.

Carroll: Russell Wilson will have a huge part in our success.

Eric Decker: Gotta weather the storm of the emotions early. It's my first Super Bowl, gotta go out there and execute early and get into the game.

Walter Payton Man of the Year Award winner is announced. Charles Tillman of the Bears.

"America the Beautiful" performed by Queen Latifah. Again? She did the same thing before Super Bowl XLIV, the Saints-Colts game.

Buck tosses to a trailer for a Captain America film as they go to break. My recording doesn't have it, which, whatever.

Pre-produced video about the Seahawks. Kurt Russell talking about how tough they are. Russell's from Portland, isn't he? He might be a Seahawks fan. (Looking it up: He's from everywhere. Born in Massachusetts, spent time in Portland when his dad ran the Mavericks baseball team, went to high school in metro LA.)

Russell did a video for the Broncos too. So I guess they didn't just pick a famous fan of each team. 'When The Levee Breaks' in the background. Broncos offense is a fine-tuned machine. Relentless. No mercy. Reference to "Escape from New York". This game is in New York. (Well, New Jersey.)

National anthem. Renee Fleming. She performs it exactly like you'd expect from an accomplished opera singer: Ostentatious, a bit over the top, but brilliantly sung. One wonders what she thought of Queen Latifah's performance. (I, for one, was impressed by Queen Latifah's performance.)

Coin toss. Joe Namath and Phil Simms. Have I mentioned this game is in New York?

Namath toss the coin before anyone calls anything. Ref grabs it out of the air and asks the visiting team (Seattle) to call it. The Seahawks call tails. Now Joe tosses it again. It's tails. Seahawks win the toss and defer. Broncos will receive.

Namath: I’mma just toss th...  Referee: NOT YET, JOE!

Chris Myers: Before the game, people were concerned about the weather, this being the first Super Bowl played outdoors in the north. The only story with the weather today is that it isn't a story. (It's 49 degrees and clear.)

FIRST QUARTER

Nice kick coverage by the Seahawks, stopping Holliday inside the 15.

Goodness. Manning had 5477 yards and 55 yards in the regular season.

First play, snapped over the head of Manning into the end zone. Knowshon Moreno falls on it for a safety. But wait, there's a flag down. Illegal motion, declined. Safety confirmed. It's 2-0 Seahawks, 0:12 into the game.

Fox graphic: Last safety in a Super Bowl was last year. Okay, thanks. Actually, it's weird - there were safeties on two consecutive snaps from center in the Super Bowl. (Sam Koch's intentional safety in XLVII and this debacle in XLVIII.)

That safety was the fastest score ever in a Super Bowl.

First play for the Seahawks is a Marshawn Lynch run for three yards. Doesn't talk much into microphones. Does his talking with his legs.

Next play, Percy Harvin on a jet sweep left. I love that play call. Harvin was/is insanely fast. Runs for 30 yards. Aikman calls it a reverse. Dude. That's a jet sweep 100 times out of 100. Went in motion, took a handoff from a quarterback in a shotgun formation on the dead run laterally. That's pretty much the exact definition of a jet sweep.

Third and 9, Jermaine Kearse runs a quick slant. They get 11-12 yards. First down inside the 20.

2nd and 12, zone read, Wilson keeps it for 6. Gets out of bounds. It's third and manageable.

Third and 6, Wilson scrambles for 5. Dove for the sticks but didn't get there. I assume that means Steven Hauschka will kick. Well, maybe not. Pete Carroll is challenging the spot. Replay shows it's very close. I think he got the first down.

He did not get the first down. Short by inches. Here's Hauschka for a 26 yard attempt. Nope. False start. Here's Hauschka for a 31 yard attempt. Yep, got it. Hauschka is nails. 5-0 Seattle.

Broncos go three and out. Aikman says the Broncos had the second-fewest threes and out in the regular season. Colquitt will punt. Fair caught by Tate.

Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers at halftime. I assume they'll sing about California.

Aikman: Denver is stacking the line of scrimmage to prevent the run and going one-on-one against the receivers.

Third and 8, Wilson scrambles and finds Golden Tate on the sideline. Clutch play for another first down.

Another third down conversion. Third and 4, Wilson to Doug Baldwin for 6.

Seahawks go razzle dazzle on second and 5. Toss to Lynch, a throw back to Russell Wilson, and Wilson is under pressure. Rolls left and flips it forward toward a receiver. Incomplete. The Fox commentators don't think it went past the line of scrimmage, but that doesn't matter when there's a receiver in the neighborhood.

Next play, Wilson lofts a ball down the left sideline and Baldwin runs underneath it. First down inside the 10. Baldwin torched Champ Bailey on a double move and there was no safety help. The corners were on an island. It was a nice catch and an even nicer throw.

Aikman: These Seahawks WRs are a lot better than people realize.

Second down, swing pass incomplete to Harvin. The Broncos challenge, say that it was a lateral and a fumble. They're wrong, it's clearly a forward pass. Review confirms the call on the field.

Total yards: Seattle 128, Denver 8.

Third and goal, Wilson throws it to Kearse in the end zone. Kearse grabs it, but Nate Irving knocks it out of Kearse's hands for an incomplete pass. Hauschka splits the uprights. 8-0 Seattle, 2:16 left in the first quarter. The Seahawks have as many points as the Broncos have yards.

Nice defensive play here by Irving.

Hauschka hits the crossbar with the ensuing kickoff. Nice aim, Steven.

Fox graphic: First two drives for the Broncos were the first time all postseason Denver has gone two drives in a row without scoring.

Third down, Seahawks blitz and hurry Manning's throw. He overshoots Julius Thomas down the middle and throws it right to Kam Chancellor, a Seattle DB. Interception. Seahawks have the ball inside Denver territory again.

Another jet sweep to Harvin starts the next drive. 14 yards this time. Harvin is still lightning-quick.

First quarter ends with the Seahawks inside the 20. Denver has 11 total yards, their lowest first quarter output all season. Broncos had zero first downs in the quarter. 8-0 Seahawks after one.

SECOND QUARTER

Aikman: This drive is important for Seattle. They've had to settle for field goals twice, need to take advantage of these opportunities.

Rushing yards: Seattle 66, Denver 1.

Third and 4, Wilson throws to Tate in the end zone. Tony Carter was face-guarding him and didn't turn for the ball. It'll be first and goal from the 1.

This is a rules violation.

Two Marshawn Lynch runs later, the Seahawks are in the end zone. 15-0 Seattle with 12:00 left in the first half.

Holliday stuffed again on the ensuing kickoff return. Only gets out to the 15.

Kam Chancellor is injured on the tackle. Looks like a serious injury, but he pops up after a minute or two.

Hey, the Broncos have a first down. Third and one, Knowshon Moreno carries it over right guard out to the Denver 30.

Later in the drive on third and 9, Manning gets time to throw for once and throws a strike to Wes Welker coming across the middle. First down into Seattle territory.

Broncos putting together a solid drive here. Clock under 6:00, third and 1, Montee Ball gets a yard and a half. A fresh set of downs for Manning. This drive is nearing the 7:00 mark in terms of time of possession.

Welp, that'll kill the drive in a hurry. Broncos called for tripping on first down. It's first and 20 from the Seattle 42.

Screen pass blown up on first down. Now it's 2nd and 22. Moreno gets nine up the middle on second down, so it'll be 3rd and 13. Clock under 4:00. Fifteenth play of the drive here.

...and the drive is over. Manning hit as he throws, the ball floats through the air and is picked off by linebacker Malcolm Smith. Smith takes it all the way to the house. It's 22-0 Seahawks in the second quarter. 3:21 left in the half.

Oh, it's all falling apart for Denver now. Holliday is stripped on the ensuing kickoff return and kicker Steven Hauschka recovers. It'll be reviewed and possibly overturned. I think he was down.

Overturned. Returner was down at the Denver 33. No fumble.

Wow, nice third down catch from Demariyus Thomas. Back shoulder fade to the Seattle 43. Two plays later, the Broncos are at the Seattle 28 and we reach the two minute warning.

Broncos get hosed on a no-call. DB Earl Thomas ran into Julius Thomas while the ball was in the air to him. Clearly should have been defensive pass interference.

Third and 4 at the 22, false start on the offense. Oof. It's now 3rd and 9 at the 27.

They get seven on a Manning to Moreno pass. Seattle takes timeout. It'll be fourth and 2 from the Seahawks 20. Does Denver dare go for it, or do they take the easy points?

They go for it. Shotgun, three wide. Pass tipped and falls incomplete. Seahawks take over on downs with 1:01 left in the first half.

Seattle isn't going to anything stupid here. Two runs up the middle and the first half is over. 22-0 Seahawks at the break. This is the first time a team has been scoreless at the half of a Super Bowl since the Giants in Super Bowl XXXV against the Ravens.

HALFTIME

Jimmy Johnson: Pete Carroll told me during the week he was going to get the ball in the hands of the fastest guy on the field, Percy Harvin. He didn't waste any time and it's worked well.

Curt Menefee: Manning came back from a 24 point deficit last year against the Chargers.

Johnson: I expected the Seattle defense to be good, but I didn't expect them to be sufficating.

Michael Strahan: Trying to come back is playing right into the strength of the Seahawks defense.

Johnson: We'll fer a big dose of Marshawn Lynch in the second half.

Okay, time for Bruno Mars featuring the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Bruno is playing the drums and killing it. They should just let him do this for 15 minutes. Locked Out of Heaven. I wonder if the guys in The Fixx get any residuals from him completely swiping everything except the vocals from One Thing Leads To Another. Also, I wonder what an acceptable length of time would be for one to be locked out of heaven. Treasure. This isn't exactly my cup of tea musically, but the showmanship is good. Runaway Baby. Now he's completely stolen Shout from the Isley Brothers. Great. Here come the Peppers. It's a duet on Give It Away. You can keep it, my dude. I understand you'd like to give it away now, but I'm not in the market for what you've got and would prefer that it not be put in me. Just The Way You Are, dedicated to the U.S. Armed Forces. Bruno's on a tiny stage in the dark. I assume that's a trick to get the massive stage off the field more quickly.

Menefee shoehorns in a Rio 2 reference when they go back to the studio hosts. Coincidentally, it was produced and distributed by Fox. They talk about how great Bruno Mars was. Jimmy Johnson very noticeably stays quiet.

Jimmy watches people talk about Bruno Mars.

More Led Zeppelin as they bump in from commercial for the second half. Good Times Bad Times.

Aikman: First thing the Broncos need to do in the second half is get a stop. Seattle gets the opening kickoff of the third quarter.

It has begun to rain very lightly. Probably not enough to become a big factor.

Broncos last two possessions: 24 plays, zero points.

Aikman: Not including the kneeldown at the end of the first half, the Seahawks scored on all three first half possessions, and they scored twice when they didn't even have the ball.

THIRD QUARTER

Hey, remember where Aikman said Denver needed a stop? The good news is that the Seahawks offense won't score on this first possession. The bad news is that the Seattle special teams scored when kickoff returner Percy Harvin picked up a bouncing football and housed it. Buck says the kick was bounced to limit the damage Harvin could do. Oops. Now it's 29-0 Seahawks with 14:48 left in the third quarter

Buck: Seattle actually practiced halftime during the week.

Erin Andrews: Broncos coach John Fox says he's happy with the way the offense is moving the ball, they just have to stop turning it over.

Pam Oliver: Seahawks coach Pete Carroll says he talked about finishing. It has nothing to do with disrupting Manning, they just have to go out and finish the job.

Eek. First and ten, Manning lofts a pass into an area with four Seahawks and zero Broncos. It falls incomplete. He looks rattled.

Third and 4, Manning to Decker for six or so. First down near midfield.

Seahawks star cornerback Richard Sherman is down injured. Fox goes to commercial and when they come back, he's up and standing on the sideline.

Seattle jumps on third and 3. That's a first down.

Buck: Broncos punter Britton Colquitt might as well go home. They aren't going to punt, down 29 in the Super Bowl.

3rd and 10, draw play to Montee Ball. Loss of 1. The previously dismissed Colquitt will come in handy as the Broncos punt for the coffin corner. Fair catch at the 8.

Cutaways: Hugh Jackman, Kevin Costner, Paul McCartney, John Travolta, Harry Connick, David Beckham, Michael Douglas.

First play of the drive, Marshawn Lynch for 18 up the middle. Aikman says the Broncos are stacking the line, which is good unless the back gets past those defenders - then there's nobody to tackle him.

Seahawks called for holding, it's first and 20 but they don't seem to worried about it. They still run up the middle to roll that clock. Clock under 8:00 at the next snap. Wide receiver screen for zilch. Yardage no longer matters - they're just killing clock. It'll be near 7:00 before Jon Ryan punts. Broncos take over at their own 45 with 7:05 left in the third.

Cutaway: Sad John Elway

Erin Andrews: Broncos RB Knowshon Moreno has been receiving treatment for a back injury.

Manning goes downfield to Demariyus Thomas, complete but almost immediately fumbled. Maxwell punched it out during the tackle. Seahawks take over with 5:55 left in the third.

Third and 7, Russell Wilson to Luke Wilson for 12 yards and a first down. Barring turnover, that'll eat another 2+ minutes off the clock.

Another first down. A laser from Wilson to Lockette downfield for 19. They're inside the Denver 25. 3:10 and counting.

If the game weren't already over, it is now. Wilson throws a slant to Jermaine Kearse, who spins, makes four defenders miss, and gets to the end zone. It's 36-0 Seattle. 2:58 left in the third quarter.

Fox graphic: Seahawks are the first team in Super Bowl history with a safety, interception TD, and kickoff return touchdown in the same game.

Aikman: I can't think of a single Denver Bronco, on offense or defense, who has won his matchup.

Buck: Seahawks have played almost seven quarters in this stadium this season and allowed zero points. Shut out the Giants in week 15.

This is what it looks like when a billionaire fist-bumps.

None of this really matters anymore, but Manning throws downfield and draws a defensive pass interference penalty.

Manning on a crossing pattern to Welker at the 14. 0:02 left in the quarter.

Well, it won't be a shutout. Last play of the third quarter. Demariyus Thomas makes a nice catch in the end zone. He was being tackled before the ball got there, but still caught the ball.

They go for two and get it. Welker across the middle again. Third quarter is over. It's 36-8 Seahawks.

FOURTH QUARTER

Can I stop watching this now? I don't want to watch this anymore. I'll continue watching though. I'm one stubborn SOB. This game cannot, must not defeat me.

Fourth quarter starts with an onside kick. Seahawks recover without much problem. They get the ball at the Denver 48. 14:59 left in the game.

2nd and 11, Wilson to Tate for 9. Two Denver defenders blast each other in the helmet on the tackle. I'm sure that didn't do any permament damage at all.

3rd and 2, Wilson buys time, looks, scrambles, looks, and finds Doug Baldwin coming across the field. First down. Clock down below 12:45.

Next play, Wilson down the middle to Kearse at the 10. The Broncos just have no answers. Clock below 12:00.

One play later, it's another touchdown. Wilson to Kearse, jukes, dances, and splits the defenders to get into the end zone. 43-8 Seattle.

Aikman: "I don't know what Denver's doing." Notes how soft the coverage is, which makes no sense in a situation where you need to create turnovers.

Looks like a three and out for the Broncos, but they draw a defensive pass interference on this down. Quit stopping the clock, you guys.

Manning to Demariyus Thomas again. His 13th catch of the game, a Super Bowl record.

Seahawks CB Richard Sherman is injured and being carted to the locker room. Again, not that it matters in terms of this game.

Denver dinking and dunking their way downfield. Clock under 10:00, ball at the Seattle 47. Incomplete pass on 3rd and 2. They'll go for it on fourth, of course.

Manning has 33 completions tonight, a new Super Bowl record.

Incomplete pass on fourth down. Manning threw is just short of Montee Ball, who couldn't bring it in.

Buck: Marshawn Lynch has his shoes off on the sideline, so we'll probably see Robert Turbin the rest of the way. Aikman: I thought about kicking mine off. A cutaway shows Lynch has shoes on again.

Pam Oliver: Richard Sherman has a right ankle injury and is doubtful to return.

Seahawks moving the ball slowly but surely. First down for Turbin, clock nearing 7:30.

Fox graphic: Seattle's last championship was the '78-'79 Supersonics. Buffalo and Cleveland are unimpressed.

Turbin gets the ball again, runs to the Denver 30. 6:30 and counting.

Run stuffed on third and 1. Clock below 5:30. What will Seattle do on fourth down? They'll go for it. Play action pass out into the flat, incomplete. Broncos get the ball with 5:19 left, down 35 points.

Denver is running the ball. No mas. Run stuffed, run stuffed, incomplete pass. They'll go for it on fourth down. Okay. Why not? Manning hit in the backfield and fumbles. Seahawks recover. It hardly matters whether it's a fumble or an incomplete pass - Seattle was getting the ball anyway.

Russell Wilson is out of the game. Tarvaris Jackson replaces him at quarterback. Wilson finishes 18-25, 206 yards, 2 TD, 0 INT.

Jackson throws on third and long. Incomplete. 4th and 7 with 2:06 left.

Aikman: Richard Sherman is the closest thing I've seen to a shutdown cornerback since my former teammate Deion Sanders.

Seahawks run on fourth down. Stuffed. Broncos take over with 1:59 left. Guys, can we just agree to take a bunch of knees and end this?

Nope. Swing pass to C.J. Anderson on first down. They get 12 or so, not that it matters.

Run up the middle to Anderson. Clock below 1:00.Run up the middle again to Anderson. Is it over yet? It's over. Pete Carroll gets hit with his second Gatorade bucket of the night. Final score: 43-8 Seattle.

POSTGAME

Wilson: It's a true blessing. God is so good. Believed we'd get here. Said to the guys at the beginning of the season, why not us? Have great teammates.

Wilson: My dad always used to tell me "Russ, why not you?". He meant to believe in myself, to go out and succeed.

Marcus Allen, MVP of Super Bowl XVIII, will present the Lombardi trophy.

Roger Goodell: Big shoutout to New York and New Jersey for hosting. To Pete Carroll and his team, what an amazing performance. Paul [Allen], you've been here once before, now you get to take the trophy back home to the 12th man.

Pete Carroll: This is an amazing team, these guys have worked on this a long time, four years ago, always moving forward. These players didn't expect anything other than a win in this game. They're incredible.

Russell Wilson is the third youngest QB to win a Super Bowl.

Wilson: God is so good. Brought me here a mighty long way. My teammates are just so incredible. Have thought we were going to win the Super Bowl since the playoff loss last year. You want to play your best football at the end of the season and that's what we did tonight.

Linebacker Malcolm Smith is named MVP. Had the interception touchdown and recovered a fumble.

Smith wins a Silverado pickup truck.

Broncos coach John Fox: We just ran into a buzz saw. We didn't play well enough to beat a very, very good Seattle team. My hat's off to Pete Carroll and the Seahawks, they played a great game.

Fox: Proud of my players, proud of what they accomplished this year.

Shoutout to Terry Bradshaw, home in Louisiana.

Title: Ryker

Series: Sinister Knights MC

Author: Aria Cole

Genre: MC Romance

Publication Date: January 19, 2018

Add to Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2qHMLL7

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Purchase Links:

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Also available via Kindle Unlimited

Synopsis:

Ride. Protect. Defend. Anna Kloss grew up as a smart girl in the Sinister Knights Motorcycle Club, an above-the-law group of misfits that fights to safeguard the women of their town. Straddling both worlds, she's lived the last few years in a college dorm, losing herself in the promise of her future and trying to forget the lost love of her past. As Vice President of the Sinister Knights, Ryker Beckett has proven his dedication and loyalty by sitting in a county jail cell for three years for saving one woman from a nightmarish assault. The woman. The only one who matters. Prez's young, innocent, and untouched daughter, Anna. But now, Ryker is back, his sights set on reconnecting with the woman who occupied every minute of his thoughts while he was away. Anna's all grown up, but she’s still the only one he can't have, the only one he craves... Is she ready for this giant, rough-around-the-edges biker to protect and defend her forever?

Warning: Ryker is hard in all the right places—a tall, tattooed drink of water sitting on a powerful engine. He's got his mind on one woman only, and when he sees her again, he's determined to get her bred and on his bike for their sexy ride into the sunset.

Chapter 1

One Anna “So when do you think that sexy hunk of man meat will be here?” My best friend, Piper, threw herself onto my violet duvet.

“He’s not sexy.” I turned away from her, heart falling in my chest at just the thought of him.

“Bullshit.” Piper snapped her gum. “You’ve been pining over him since he went away.”

“I haven’t,” I protested.

“Again, I’m gonna have to call bullshit. So when’s he coming back?”

“I don’t know. I heard Dad say the party starts tonight, so I’m thinking sometime between now and then.” Dad would have killed me if he’d known I was eavesdropping outside of his office while he was on my phone, but the old man had refused to give me any information relating to Ryker, and I’d grown desperate for anything.

“Between now and then, huh?” Piper eyed me curiously. “So what are you gonna say to the asshole?”

“He’s not an asshole, Piper.”

“Well, he hasn’t written in the three years he’s been gone.”

“Maybe he couldn’t,” I defended weakly.

“But he could keep in touch with your dad?”

“Dad went to visit him every week, kept him in the loop, but I wasn’t allowed to go.”

Piper frowned. “You should call him on that bullshit. This is your life, you’ve got to get your man.”

“He’s not my man.” But he used to be.

“He was when he went up to County. I’m bettin’ he still sees you that way now.”

“Thirty-six months is a long time to be…” I struggled to find the word. The club didn’t say things like prison, jail, incarcerated. They said, “going away.” It was safer that way.

“He owes you an explanation,” Piper said finally.

“He doesn’t owe me anything. I think he’s given me enough already.” I felt the bundle of tears clogging my throat.

“That’s not your fault, Anna. You’re not the reason he’s up there.”

I paused, holding the gaze of the girl I’d been friends with since I was three. 

“Feels like it.”

Her eyes searched my face before she collapsed with uncharacteristic emotion and pulled me into her embrace. “I know it does, Anna, but it’s not. I promise you it’s not.”

I wiped at the itchy tears running down my face. Every day without Ryker in my life felt like a bullet fracturing my soul.

Would he even want me anymore? Was I the same girl he left?

I wasn’t sure I was, and somewhere down deep, I felt guilt for changing on him too.

In the weeks following Ryker’s arrest and sentencing, Dad had sent me away to an early entrance college program that could fast-track me to a degree in sociology.

I’d only half wanted to go before the event that changed all of our lives. So when I’d told Dad I planned to stay right here at Falcon’s Nest and wait for Ryker to get home, he’d pulled me off my ass and thrown me out the door faster than I could blink.

All for the best, he’d said.

It’d taken me a long couple years to see the wisdom in that statement.

Now I was only six months away from earning my degree and back home for the summer. Back where it all began.

“So what time does that party start? I don’t want to be late.” Piper twittered behind me.

“We’re not going.”

“Why the hell not? It’s Ryker’s welcome home party, right? We’d like to welcome him.”

“You might like to welcome him. I’d rather sit here and sulk away the pain.”

“I’d really like to check out that bod. I bet he got big in the joint.” Piper’s eyes lit up.

I shook my head. “I don’t care.”

“Ha! He was a big motherfucker before, just imagine him now, Anna. Bulging biceps, washboard abs… Remember when we used to watch him do pull-ups in the garage?” Her eyes glassed over with the pleasurable memory.

“I remember you dragging me down into the ditch and getting covered in thistle weeds when he caught us.”

“He didn’t catch us,” Piper retorted.

“He did.” I laughed. “He told me he did.”

“Shit.”

“Not as stealthy as you thought, sister.”

She stuck out her tongue at me. “What are you gonna wear to the party?

Something short, show off those legs. You’ve lost at least ten pounds since he last saw you.”

“Twelve.” I groaned, “And I’m not going. I’m staying right here, and if I run into him, I run into him—”

“This one will make your tits look great.” She ignored everything I’d just said and pushed a clingy purple dress over my head.

“Piper!” I spat as I shoved my arms through the holes. “My dad will fucking kill us if we show up. It's a members-only kind of thing.”

“We’re members.” She adjusted the dress around my boobs, pulling the neckline down a little farther. “Well, you are. And I sorta am…by proxy or something.”

I arched an eyebrow when she spun me in the mirror. I frowned, taking in my curvy form.

“You look fucking hot.”

My frown deepened.

“He’s going to want to bone you the second he sees you.”

“Piper!”

“It’s a good dress. And, you’re kind of fucking gorgeous, Anna. I know no one tells you that. I don't know why they don’t tell you that… It’s that whole, I'm too smart for you unapproachable vibe you’ve got going on, but it’s true. You’re fucking gorgeous, and I bet Ryker beat off to you every night he was in that place, just waiting to see you again.”

A blush burned up my cheeks. “What if I don’t know him anymore, Piper?”

“Well, then it’s time to get reacquainted tonight.” She winked at my reflection in the mirror.

“I’m not going to that party.”

“Over my dead body, sister. Now let's get into your makeup. It just so happens I brought my falsies with me.” She yanked a pair of false eyelashes out of her huge purse. “You’re gonna look like a Kardashian tonight.”

“Ugh or a hooker. Kill me now.”

“Not until your face is done. After that, I don’t care what you do.” Piper pushed me into my bathroom, flicking on the light and plopping me ass-first onto the bench. “Time for him to see what he’s been missing.”

Author the Author:

Aria Cole is a thirty-something housewife who once felt bad for reading dirty books late at night, until she decided to write her own. Possessive alpha men and the sassy heroines who love them are common, along with a healthy dose of irresistible insta-love and happily ever afters so sweet your teeth may ache.

For a safe, off-the-charts HOT, and always HEA story that doesn’t take a lifetime to read, get lost in an Aria Cole book!

Follow Aria on Amazon for new release updates or stalk her on Facebook and Twitter to see which daring book boyfriend she’s writing next! Sign up to get a NEW RELEASE ALERT from me! http://eepurl.com/ccGnRX

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