reopening the ask box is like... just finishing vacuuming shed cat hair, and then immediately going and petting said cat vigorously & watching with delight as So Much Fur sheds right back onto the floor

I think.... over the last two days I think I've read just about every Murderbot fic on AO3 that meets all my (current) filter criteria... I'm pretty sure the only one I have left now is a 200k epic....

the most adhd thing ever abt me is that my youtube watch later has over 600 videos on it and the earliest ones date back to circa 2009. i am infinitely putting things off for later

Mmm Jeanne

Jaden Animations put out an Adderal video

So after years.... YEARS of going round and round and round the bend of meds and counseling, psych and all of this crap, AND finally getting to a place where I'm starting to feel a little bit content, starting to come to terms with who I am, and this new situation with a disability (which I hope to god nobody else has to go through), I've come to one horrible position. That Jaden Animations video came out today, where she just casually outs all of fuckin creative youtube for being on Adderal (I laughed my ass off when she did that lol), which... I mean yeah we all knew, and that's just sort of an out in the open secret because, lets face it, not every creative on YouTube needs to be on addi. Because... obviously. But ever since long haul all of my disorders have been amplified to such a degree I've been... So miserable existence has been a chore. But now that we've (me and my counseling team) worked our way through so many meds and so many different counseling methods, and I've worked through my own trauma of being in a family that's worked in the industry (of mental health(and other shit if I'm honest)) I've come to terms with my fear/trepidation of Addi and drugs like it (and just drugs in general if I'm honest) I got a hold of a couple and gave them a shot. The outcome? Some people need meds lol (go figure lol). And often people who need them are brow beaten so hard by non-neurodivergent people into thinking the meds they need are going to actively harm them. Or, in my case that "the meds are killing people". My family is full of people who are typically pretty level-headed about stuff... typically. But when you get into meds, they become as dumb as bricks. And when their kid suddenly needed meds, their thought process became "Well they're just not trying hard enough"... That mindset passed on to me, took me years to even consider I might need meds lol. I'm still not a huge fan of HUGE amounts of people popping Addi, namely because I used to deal in high school and I know people are just taking shit cus it's fun (I used to sip lean... cus I was self-medicating on reflection but also cus it was fun(PS: No, now I wasn't dealing my shit, I ran protection lol)) but you can tell when something is over prescribed. If anyone reads this and thinks to themselves "Wel I'd like 30 cups of coffee worth of focus" don't. Go through the proper channels first. Counseling, psychiatrists, testing, it took years before I got my first Adderal script, and the first one didn't even work. I had to get a bunch of other trauma out of the way, get A WHOLE OTHER SCRIP for a different prescription to get anxiety stuff under control before I could get Adderal to even work. 1 Drug is NOT going to fix everything if you do have issues (Most likely. But maybe you're lucky? Fuck). Every once in a while a bigger YouTuber will make a YouTube video about mental health, which is cool, but it often feels like they boil down to "AYY YO! ADDI!! SHIT'S POPPIN!" But like. Yeah? For some people it is? it's prolly more helpful to break the stigma of "you just need to apply yourself better! I got here with NOTHING but HARD WORK! DON'T look at my medicine cabinet..." which I think is still so prevalent. Lifes hard. Don't beat yourself up if you feel like you need help. If you do, go get it. Just don't think a magical tablet will disolve all your problems.

just a heads up, this is set before robin comes to town, and a little bit after max receives the book from eddie.

They’re walking home today—the bus was too crowded, and Will didn’t want Max to walk home alone—when Will tells Max he believes her theory.

“Really?” Max asks, stopping on the sidewalk outside her house, “You believe me?”

Will nods. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s…it makes sense.”

Max crosses her arms, “It does?”

“Yeah,” he says, “it’s like…okay, so recently I’ve been having these…dreams. But they feel real. Like I’m here, but I’m somewhere else too. It’s a memory, I think. I think…it’s not impossible. Some of the memories are hazy though, like…like I’m not meant to be there.”

Now Max is interested. She’s read Will’s story, knows what he went through in the Enchanted Forest. His memories are hazy for a reason.

He’s quiet as they walk to the front steps, Max sees the concentration on his face, brows furrowed mouth pressed into a thin line. And then, he speaks again, “I think…I think there was a girl there. She knew me, but…I don’t think I know her. At least, not here anyway,” he stresses the word, his face screwing back up in thought.

Max digs the house key from her pocket and lets them both inside. Will drops his bag at the door, gently, as Max says, “You might wanna call your mom and let her know you’re here with me, I gotta grab something,” he nods, picking up the landline phone planted on Max’s wall. Max jogs up the stairs, running straight to her room where the storybook lays on her desk, still open to the story she read last night. She snatches it, cradling it close to her as she jogs back down into the living room, right as Will hangs up the phone. He eyes the book suspiciously but doesn’t comment on it.

“My mom said that it was okay that I was here, but she’s got to work a little later today so I might be here a while…” his eyes drift back to the book, “Is that it?”

She nods, handing the book to Will. His eyes widen, and it might be a trick of the lights, but Max swears his eyes shine over the gilded cover.

Like the curse, Max thinks, if he reads this book then maybe…

They move to the middle of the living room, sitting cross-legged as Will opens the cover and flips to the first story. Max watches for any signs of recognition, but nothing. At least, not yet. He clears his throat, before putting on his most dramatic reading voice, “Once upon a time…”

I think I might take a short break from writing SOBR, like a few days or a week at most, just to refresh my brain and do some fiction reading. I read Cattle Kingdom and that was super informative but I need a little fiction inspo now. When I write a lot really consistently like this my writing starts to feel stale so gonna do my best to do a refresh. But it’s gone well, I’ve written 7 chapters since I came back from my big hiatus in September. I’m feeling really good about this project

     The apartment was looking a little better now. He had bought a large bed. It had been a huge struggle when the delivery guys came. Nnoitra had done most of the carrying. The bed now took up almost the entire bedroom, leaving just a bit of room on the floor ( well, there was no room now, because Nnoitra had flooded it with dirty clothes ). The second thing he had needed to buy was a fridge. Considering how gluttonous Nnoitra was, one would think that he’d buy a fridge first and foremost. But nah, he’d been fine living off take-away. The different boxes were stacked on the kitchen counter. The fridge was on the smaller side. No point in having a big fridge when he always ate the content anyway. He till needed to get a table and a couple of chairs. Yeah, IN CASE he had a friend come over, he’d want someplace for them to sit. Just the fact that he was considering having visitors was proof that he was feeling better. Being busy with getting the apartment habitable had actually improved his mood. He had feared it would have the opposite effect, and just drain him, but nah. He felt better.

catastrophic event where my hyperfixation on my wip has finally translated to writing but it’s midnight and i also have a dissertation deadline this weekend

700 more words TT

man.. rereading the arc of a scythe trilogy!!!!

my vague plan was to do lhnh after having a working main book draft but the recent. decisions abt framing [a path we know its end...] leaves me kind of no choice but to go right into dream game after.. no words can express the amount of rip

You ever come across a fic w an interesting idea/concept but as you read you’re just…. Not exactly disappointed but it’s def not what you’ve expected

on a whim and in spite of my responsibilities i have started on making a whole 9 chapter self-indulgent fic for mr. grim reaper from the hit game 'a date with death'

Paradigm Check-in

welcome to a new series- that i'm going to call "paradigm pwednesday" because there aren't any days of the week that start with p so pwednesday is just going to have to- where i write something in paradigm and share it because otherwise i'm never going to finish this book

8/2 (somewhere in chapter seven)

But now she's at the motel, alone, and it's been hours. Sid had two people to take down tonight, so it certainly makes sense that he'd be taking longer than Delilah, but it still doesn't make it any easier to handle. She's not so much worrying about the man as wondering what it would mean in terms of Marcus. If Sid got caught, would Marcus blame her? Probably not. They're partners, sure, but it's clear that Marcus thinks of Sid in a higher regard than Delilah. It might make sense for Marcus to blame Sid if something went wrong with her, but not the other way around. Sid has at least twenty years of this under his belt, which means if anything happens it's his own damn fault. Somehow, the thought isn't as comforting as she thinks it should be.