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#<- you see that shit. i didnt even have to put that there it did it for me

angy-grrr · 3 days

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Idk if i'm just crazy but i noticed that there is a pattern with something that Uraraka does, is punctuated immediately after something Katsuki did before to Izuku and vice versa. I feel like this somehow highlights a difference between their intention and meaning for him. Like i'm sure this might be just a big coincidence but still.

well who knows really! The first thing that comes to mind to me is how Ochako helped Deku when he fell at the beginning, by being on the side/ behind him and using her quirk to avoid it, and Katsuki holding him facing each other, running to get to him faster than the rest -including Iida, whose quirk is literally about that!

But also the whole Deku thing; personally, because the author admitted he didnt intent to have Katsuki as a positive part of Izuku's life at first, I believe the reason for these introductions was clear: Bekugou, his childhood friend, opposes him and creates "Deku" as an insult to put him down, and will always mean that to him, while Ochako, a new friend he meets when starting his hero school, changes it creating something new and fresh so Izuku can have a motivation.

Non supporting VS Supporting. Out of his life VS In his life. Old VS New. Hopelessness VS Hope. Static VS Change.

You name it.

But then the author changes his mind, and Katsuki isn't just the rival anymore, and all of the sudden "Deku" has many layers; "Deku" also means the one that does his best alone, isolated and overworked, and even tho apparently this has shifted since the current chapters...

Slight manga spoilers, not too much tho (I guess??):

idk, Izuku still was ready to get up alone and fight if Aizawa didnt stop him to give him the T-shirt and remind him they are there. He was running alone, and others have to go to him (in this case, Iida) in order to help him, because he is still not asking for help at all.

It has been brought up again, the meaning Ochako gave it, and im not 100% sure if this is her remembering, Izuku, or the three of them -probably the last one? Iida seems to understand now what Ochako meant back then, and they see it in a positive light (which was the intention!), but for Izuku doing the best can mean many things. What's the best he can do? Act like All Might was his first answer, but that didn't work. Saving others? He knows heroes should do this, but with how unclear things are I dont know if he is aware the class would support his decision of saving a villain -after all, as far as we know, he doesn't tell anyone because he wants to share it with someone, but because someone else admitted it first.

Uraraka confessed that first, and showed that vulnerability without knowing how he could react [and honestly, it looked in that moment like she was mainly expressing herself outloud], and after that he ended up also sharing a similar feeling he had about villains and saving. What I mean is that he doesn't say shit unless someone else was vulnerable first.

Ochako wasn't going out to talk to anyone about it either, lets get that straight, but when she was asked by one of her best friends she lets herself be at least a little; she saw Izuku meant something "slightly" different than her, so she doesnt tell him how she envied her genuine smile, her freedom to be herself, love who she loves, or how she thought she was actually cute. She knew it was better to not talk about that because he had no interest in that, so she keeps it to herself knowing she will fight to make sure Himiko hears her this whole thing would be a part of the izuku and ochako meta kjfskjflajflksja

This happened too with Katsuki during their second fight; after Katsuki was emotional and falling apart, confessing such intimate and sad emotions with him, that's when Izuku couldn't help himself and ended up also putting his guard down. And still, he held back a crucial part -he didnt say he acts like him without even trying, and even tho everyone would see it as nasty and bad, he can't hate those things, those parts oh himself, because they are parts of Katsuki, his symbol of victory, what he sees as the best form of heroism. Despite Katsuki explaining he's confused and insecure over his main theme -victory-, and worries about it being not only unworthy but also the reason their idol "ended"... He held back.

He lost because of that.

Its interesting the contrast between those two scenes in terms of emotional vulnerability and reactions, before a war ochako and izuku are much calmer and distant than katsuki and izuku after getting back from a successful rescue. In the first case nothing actually changed between them -im not talking about the nature of the relationship but just the general apparent feelings and status. They are friends who share ideals and common interest before and after the talk, and the only one who was more reflective about it was Ochako who prefers to discuss it with Himiko than him -its more about them anyways. Izuku stays the same, as far as we know, because he thinks she also "just"* felt empathy for someone that was sad and alone, and we can't see this affecting him or shifting something between them.

His emotional moments with Katsuki? They do change everything every time -when he said he was going to be a hero, when they start to get closer, after the war "Deku" becoming "izuku", embracing what makes the other great, etc.

*Its a huge deal and really important, im not trying to minimize his motivations or ideas, just point out how their feelings and conflicts are different and similar -at this point we don't see Midoriya admiring Shigaraki in any way thru this whole story. The manga hasn't ended and he is unreliable, so maybe im wrong and he admires qualities about him he learns later on, but right now for me Izuku wants to bring him support because he is a human and nobody should get treated like he was.

Ochako and Katsuki also have different roles in his rescue, with him bringing him back to them and her showing everyone he is a boy that needs help. Izuku was moved by both actions, and thanks to Uraraka he gets to the shelter.

Their fight was also interesting! Ochako was thinking about winning this, yet she tried to follow Izuku's ideas and lost after trying something way too risky for her, because she ended up ignoring her own judgement and limits out of insecurity and admiration; when Katsuki tries to use his strategies in the wars tho, he is able to achieve what he wanted -he saves Izuku from getting stabbed, saves All Might from getting crushed by AFO, before dying he gets to weaken some parts of Shigaraki's body for the rest to use, etc.

Its not that he loses himself, he just tries something new that works for him, and im happy Ochako ended up realizing she needs to keep in mind what she needs and wants when taking inspiration from Midoriya. Even if similar, their feelings for "their" villains are different, and that's okay.

Katsuki now doesnt call him Deku unless he refers to his hero name, and prefers to use his first name while Ochako keeps using Deku-kun when talking to him or says directly his full name like in her talk with Himiko where she explains some parts of her life.

Even if "Deku" comes from "Izuku", the latter is closer, new for them, a little challenging at times, and shows respect, recognition and reaffirms his humanity over his heroism. "Deku-kun" sounds like "you can do it", a supportive name that comes from a misunderstanding from the beginning, and keeps getting used as she hasn't change her perspective about him in that way. He is still Deku-kun to her, but now Izuku to him.

Change VS Static.

Huh, I wonder where that came from.

#bakudeku #bkdk #dekubaku #dkbk #decchan #grrr talking #im not tagging it as spoilers as I believe its pretty vague in comparison to other things #but yk #just keep that in mind #i have no idea how vague it is tho #this is way too long lmao #why am I like this

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arian-velikan · 1 day

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They called him...

Part 2

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Sick!Male!Reader

Warnings: violence, heavy depiction of blood, corpses, bullying and then we got the fluff...the happiness we deserve.

@silkbunnies

'Jesus fucking Crist kid...'

Blood stained his bare hands filled with cuts.

Blood stained his uniform all over, from the neck to his anckles.

Blood stained his face, a big cut going from the forehead to his left eye to his lips...a bloodbath under his feet.

Blood stained the walls. Splashes of crimson red on the ceiling and the black cold walls. 13 figures laying on the ground, some without heads, other without limbs...others with cavities in their chests.

He looked around, again and again and again. In that same moment, he felt his muscles tense under his skin. Small pupils scanned the room and looked without a hint of emotion around.

The reason for this flight or fight response? His boyfriend of 10 years laying, on the ground with a hole on his left arm and abdomen, and a bloody puddle under him.

He scanned the room again and found him but not even two seconds later he hit the ground and went deaf with his body slumping heavily on the ground.

★-------------------------💀-------------------------★

'Hey...Hey! You there?'

Ghost was shaking him awake from his trance and he succeded. He noticed how cold and hot he was at the same time. Looking in his eyes, he noticed how much they were still unfocused and looked dull. Given the fact that a small batch of heavy c4 exploded near his back he was not suprised to see his empty state.

Some time passed before he embraced him in a gentle hug wispering sweet nothings waiting for him to calm down and regain some hint of self-consciousness.

'You good there? You sick aren't you? Lookin' feverish and beat up...'

It's the only thing he managed to say. He wasn't looking good too as the gunshot wound in his left abdomen was giving him problems breathing and moving in general.

{Male!Reader} just hugged him not saying a word. He was trembling and silently crying not knowing why because he almost never cryied in thw past 2 years.

'You were dead...or you almost were...you looked like a corpse. Simon you looked like a fucking corspe!!'

Ghost didnt react yet Simon just gave him a peck on his forehead and rubbed slowly his hand on the back of the other.

'I know...those shit head bastards gave me a hard time in a matter of seconds...still, don't worry about me-'

'But-'

'No buts, you have a fever and your body temperature is at least 39°. Get your ass on the bed, now'

Rampage protested with his eyes but then gave up knowing for a fact that when Ghost gave an order it was better to follow it to the very end. And so did he, he sat on the bed and covered his body with that woolly blanket forming a cocoon-like embrace and just looked at Ghost with an angry kid-like face...he didnt like being ordered around when it wasnt necessary.

Ghost, after taking off his balaclava and, being the utter gentleman he is, pushed him on the bed and climbed on top of him. Despite Rampage protest and trying to pull him away, he didn't budge. He knew his boyfriend needed this as he knew how he ended up after the mission. All that blood and adrenaline used and spilled because of a simple mistake...not looking to the left and being ambushed.

'Calm down, I know you are sick and really prone to flus....but let me stay here. Your body has been put under a lot pressure and stress after last mission. Not only you had been shot and a bomb exploded on your face, but you even caught up a heavy flu'

He rested his had onto his chest and hugged him putting his arms under the other's back.

'How about this, since we are on temporary leave, I'll treat you to a hot chocolate or coffe, ok?'

'...'

{Male!Reader} looked at him and wispered lowly.

'Dont need to do so, just having you all in one piece is enough for me but...I'll accept your offer if you insist'

He embraced him back and stroked the dirty blond hair that covered his head. He was right, he was feeling like a whole building fell on top of his body. Non the less he lifted his head and kissed gently Ghost's head and then slumped back like what he did was the most difficult thing in the world. Looking up at the ceiling, he felt his body become warm and fuzzy...he didnt feel like this in a long time...maybe the medicines weren't so necessary when he just had a warm boyfriend on him.

His head hurt like hell but he didn't care, he didn't care as he was fine now with him.

★----------------💀------------------★

Ghost called him 'Liutenant' as a form of respect during their first meeting. Didn't really spare a glance at the other Liutenant as he considered him another common soldier.

Ghost called him '(surname)' as he didnt bother to remember his name or even try to read it as he considered it a loss of time

Ghost called him 'Rampage' at seeing him go feral on the second mission they went together and he stuck with that...a form of respect?

Ghost called him '(nickname)' when they began to chat more, outside the field or during lunch. It made Rampage smile a bit and that seemed to bother him in a good way.

Ghost called him 'Love' when he first confessed the feelings for him.

In that moment he knew that he was the only one who was was going to see that gentle side of him. Funny...an estimed and serious Liutenant called Rampage who shows no mercy was gently brushing his hands through his short hair.

"Even the most brutal and cold hands can still be gentle" they say...

-The end

(I am sorry if this hasn't turned out like you wanted to, I ran out of ideas in the middle)

#tf 141 #cod x male reader #call of duty #male reader #simon ghost riley #cod mw2 #ghost cod #ghost #ghost x male reader #simon riley x male reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley x male reader #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare 2

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themyscirah · 2 months

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Thinking about current continuity Vanessa and just getting pissed off again

Like one, LET HER REST oh my god dc you ruin her FUCKING life like an asshole only to bring her back as a villain after she finally got out oh my god-

But also like its just so bad. This is a whole other woman with her name like why are we doing this. Like first you kill her mom (JULIA NOOO) and erase her YEARS of history growing up around diana (the thing that actually made her villain turn [if you can call it that w the level of manipulation involved] interesting and fucking heartbreaking) for some shitty "oh I saved you we were friends" run of the mill whatever. Then to use that and say Nessie had a crush on her OWN SISTER (Diana, so like informally adopted, but still 😡) now????

And then they took away her curls and made her a redhead but not even the realistic kind. DC SHE DOESNT LOOK LIKE THAT

It just makes me so mad. Freaking guys. They could have used another name like oh my god. She's not even the first silver swan why the fuck would they do that if they're not going to explore her history w diana (which she no longer has!!!!) or how intensely fucked up everything got for her. What is even the fucking point of this then other to drag a main character of the ww supporting cast through the mud again for genuinely no reason. They could have easily had her be Valerie Beaudry (sorry Val) instead or just MADE UP ANOTHER NAME because it's obvious that no one actually cared about her as a character they just wanted the wondy villain back so like !!!!!!!!!! Why even bother

#her entire treatment just makes me so angry #like in general it makes me mad and sad and a million other emotions #but the fucking robinson version just makes me enraged. beyond pissed off. because theres no fucking reason for it its bullshit and its the #one in current continuity right now. so i get to see tom king ww panels put on my dash that have this stupid fake vanessa and its so #infuriating. like thats NOT her!!!!!!! oh my freaking god people #her hair is BROWN and CURLY and shes dianas BABY SISTER who she lived with for YEARS like she was a MAJOR supporting ww character for the #longest time. like shes got about 100 appearances (just checked) preboot this is not a minor character #so freaking frustrating #blah #ALSO. FUCKING ALSO. THE FACT THAT THE WHOLE CURRENT VANESSA TURNED EVIL BC SHE REALIZED SHE WASNT SPECIAL TO DIANA BS. FUCK YOU THERE LIKE #OH MY GODDDDD “isnt special to diana” im going to fucking kill you. what do you mean she doesnt care about her specially. thats her FUCKING #BABY SISTER. not to sound like vanessa herself a la silver swan but those clowns at dc would never say that shit about cassie oh my god #not special my FUCKING ass. nessie and her mom were literally the first people invited to themyscira in post coie continuity #like yes diana trevor and steve trevor and even baby julia kapetelis washing ashore but like the kapetelises (and you could even say just #nessie bc again her mom had been there before) were the FIRST ones invited there like you cannot say diana didnt care about them more than #the average joe dc i fucking despise you.#this girl has been through so much why is dc incapable of throwing her a bone ever. nessie i am so sorry they did that to you sweetie.#gonna tag it bc her tag deserves the traffic #vanessa kapatelis #just makes me so mad #doing all that to the normal teen girl character in a wonder woman comic is so fucked actually like dc comics i should not have to explain #that to you. what message do you think you are sending here be serious

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baby-xemnas · 11 months

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Your law is peak law. It’s cannon in the best of ways I swear. Semi goth fashion, air of badassery, general sadist in his hyper focus of surgery, oddly creepy. Also caves like a bitch to anything moderately cute (corasan bepo ect) and is so overprotective of his friends they don’t even get much of a chance to fight becuase he’s already disassembled the energy and look he’s so proud of himself

i am soooo happy he comes across like that.

law is a hilarious type of character that i love thats pretty fucking cool and intimidating from a distance and then you come closer and he is WEIRD and intimidating but like in a creepy way so sense of self preservation dictates establishing the distance back again

him being a doctor is the most normal thing about him but in that he is so extreme and exceptional

i love that hes just an INTENSE guy to the point that its off putting and im very happy that people enjoy me making loving fun of him

#never reading dressrosa or punk hazard #ive read posts abt it i know enough #only thing im missing out on is cora but i saw clips of that too so i think im good #i love him of course he is perfect #anyway one true law is the law thats with bepo so if im basing my bepo characterization on a few scenes why law should get a different #treatment? im not giving him any!#those arcs just seemed like a lot i have no desire to read them #anyway law is funny as shit #weird comparison but his post timeskip moe hit me in a similar way that when back in hq days i got the appeal of akaashi #they are very different but that -hot/seemingly put together at first glance - fucking psycho if you look closer #i love that for hottie characters #pre ts law's vibe being a piece of shit stoner is entirely blamed on the bucket hat and that hoodie #even tho his character didnt changed #but its funny how its the vibe you know the energy #seeing that one excellent lawbepo artist on pixiv draw law be an obsessive weirdo did it all #anonymous

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mimiatmidnight · 1 year

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Will you be commenting on the Taylor drama?

I love the way this was worded, like I'm one of the siblings on Succession and the press has cornered me outside my penthouse to ask if I'll be releasing a statement on my family's latest scandal. Hehehe anyways.

Sorry but I just don't understand how anyone is shocked. Truly what has that woman ever done to successfully convince people that this is out of character for her. Like I don't want to diminish anyone's pain or anything but I see all these stans on here and over on Twitter in all this distress, having their very first epiphanies like "Hold on . . . does Taylor . . . suck??" And I kinda just have to chuckle at them cause like bless your hearts babes, but omg catch UP 😭

Lol because 1) she is a severely emotionally stunted person who thinks edgy British "bad boys" are hot like she's 12 years old, 2) she has no true deeply-held moral principles outside of issues that directly affect herself, and 3) truthfully, she seems to be suffering from a serious crisis of identity after the end of the longest and most significant romantic relationship of her life, and in my opinion is pretty clearly desperate to prove something to the world/her ex/herself.

The first reason is cringe but not news to longtime viewers, the second reason is pathetic but also not news (to those who can be honest with themselves), and the third is . . . understandable in some sense, but not pitiable enough to make me willing to humor this insufferable little episode she's having. I wish her luck on this humiliating rebound journey, but she is gonna have to walk that road on her own.

Normally, I always roll my eyes when people make these kinds of jokes, but given the circumstances I feel justified in saying: I can't wait to hear the breakup song about him, sis 🤡

#the great thing about disliking your own fave is that they simply do not have the power to disappoint you lol #like her stans (at least those who arent complete sycophants—which sadly is not most) are breaking down over Babys 1st Cognitive Dissonance #meanwhile im just over here chilling lol #ive also just NEVER been particularly invested in her personal life anyways so im gucci on that front too #i didnt even realize specific songs were about specific celebrity exes until *several* years into listening to her music #thats how unplugged i am lol #she is unusually extremely visible in the collective conscious right now cause of the tour and this insufferable PR blitz #but the absolute best thing for me is when she disappears and i dont have to perceive her -- the actual person -- outside of her music #and then it can just be me and my lifelong companion the fictional character “taylor swift” (c)(r)(tm)#so personally the only real threat this hangs over my head is the thought she might put him on an album #like that does strike real terror in my heart im ngl #ESPECIALLY any of the rerecords oh my god #and given the way hes been tailing her in and out of that damn studio . . . its not looking good for me kids 🥴#i cant believe she would be that dumb after making the same mistake with joe on folklore #cause even tho now she has to suffer the indignity of sharing a grammy with her ex (LMAO)#at least we can understand that at the time she thought they were in it for life #but if she pulls that shit again with a REBOUND??? just to like stick it to joe or further delude herself or whatever?#idk im gonna need interpol or somebody to step in and do something drastic like this is a cry for help #did you guys see that euphoria meme someone made about her deranged “ive never been happier!!!!” speech the other day?#it was SO funny ill go find it

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yuridovewing · 9 months

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Feel like one of the best ways you can convince someone that no, villains with compelling motives that have sad backstories are not terrible writing compared to straight up born evil villains who just want to kill everyone and be done with it, is to tell them that Warrior Cats writes born evil villains constantly while literally preaching “That’s how evil works, you can’t CHANGE, you’re either touched by demons at birth or you aren’t!” and it blows chunks

#brokenstar tigerstar hawkfrost darktail one eye etc etc would all be so much more interesting if they werent so one note #and just had ‘’born evil’’ slapped on as their explanation for being evil #‘’ew why are you woobifying tigerstar’’ because i think a villain who feels emotion besides ‘’evil’’ and ‘’angry’’ and actually does care #about his clanmates but is also a bigot that deserves to be beaten down is more interesting than canon #to get like real world political here… abusive people and bigots like. are not one note born evil demons #they have loved ones and reasons for turning out the way they did. and im not saying that to go ‘’so you need to give them grace!’’#im saying that because the line of thinking that every bad person is a super obvious mustache twirling villain with no soul #makes it so that people justify abuse and crimes from REAL people. like ‘’oh my friend says some racist things but he isnt BAD! he loves me!#would an abusive person be nice to his wife in public? of course not!’’#and its rhetoric like that that lets abuse and bigotry thrive. if you put the world in categories of born evil and born good #then you will dismiss all the ‘’good’’ people in your life who have done horrible things with ‘’but she donated to charity once’’#i mean. hell this LITERALLY happens in wc where the ‘’born good’’ characters are abusive and murderously xenophobic #where characters like clear sky and blackstar just get a sticker like ‘’oh you cant be TOO mad at them! theyre good at heart!’’#‘’ignore all the times they killed vulnerable people for the crime of being born somewhere they didnt like! they were nice to a kid once!’’#the message there is literally ‘’bad people cant REALLY be bad if theyre nice to people sometimes’’#like. im not even mad at clear sky being motivated by witnessing his loved ones starve to death for why hes such an abusive control freak #thats an interesting reason to become a villain especially since the change happened when he was put in a position of power #the problem is not him having a sad backstory. the problem is the erins think his sad backstory means he was never that bad #and anyone who’s upset at him can go eat shit and die cause he looked sad #like. i get this line of thinking often comes from writers doing this for abuse apologism and just wanting to see abusers be held accountabl #accountable #but how exactly does it help victims of abuse to portray abusers and bigots in a christian ‘’touched by the devil’’ light

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slocumjoe · 11 months

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hey uhhh i went thru ur oc post history and u said gus set himself on fire?? pls context

I love this character because whenever someone asks about him I always have to take a deep breath and get comfortable and suck a breath in through my teeth. I treat him so poorly

More Gus lore, because that specific event is actually tied to the very first event that would fuck him up forever, so I can't really talk about it without going in depth.

This is explaining the core tenent of Augustijn's story, which is guilt and its dangers. Basically, where that constant guilt came from, and how it...turned out for him...

It turns out okay. Just...takes 200+ years, an apocalypse, a divorce, and his son dying! 🥳Yay🥳

Tw; Religious trauma, child abuse, suicide, drug use, cannibalism, mental illnesses, and yet another suicide attempt.

So, some background, Gus's mom, Emma, was a fanatic catholic and generally Bat Shit about religion. As you might imagine, this is the Direct Source of both Gus' questionable worldviews, traumas, and his biological inclination to uuuhhh bad Head Times.

Emma was raised mildly religious, but she...took to it too hard? Her family was not the cause of her obsession, Gus's grandparents and uncles/aunts over there actually cut her off at one point, because she was starting to worry them but reaching out led to her lashing out. So, they just...backed off. Emma herself was a simple, homebody woman, who wanted to be at home raising her kids, and tending her garden. She would have been this way even without the religious thing.

But Emma and her side of the family were prone to addiction, see? And religion became her point of fixation and obsession. This could have still been okay, if not for the church she went into. A catholic church in the Hague that was known by all for being kind of fucking out there, even by other hardcore Catholics. This was one she went into, and even her grandchild 240+ years later would feel the ripple of this decision.

Emma goes into church and gets gnarly ideas about how life works. Its a woman's duty to have kids and raise them, to be good to her husband and her house, to listen and obey her men. Sin is inevitable and everyone does it, only those that admit and accept punishment can get another chance at Paradise. God knows every action you take and he does not care for the context, he only cares about the action. There is no "well, but" under the Lord.

Emma has mental illness, some kind of depression and anxiety, so this Big Brother Watching And Judging fucked her up. Especially since her church, in particular, was physically abusive if you did not confess to anything during confession. They thought if you had nothing to confess, you were lying.

At this point, she's met and engaged to Theodore Reinier, a rich heir to a European manufacturing company. He's pretty, a gentleman, and best of all, rich, so she can have as big and luxurious a garden as she wants. She likes him. She does not love him. She's in her twenties and unmarried with no kids, and her poor family needs to be taken care of. So she marries him. Theodore is smart enough to see this for what it is, and kind enough to allow it. He lets his wife do her own thing and treats her as a friend, rather than a lover. She hates this, she wants to be a wife (she doesnt). She wants kids, he gives her one. Augustijn. This birth goes rough, and she's told no more children.

Theodore makes one rule; August goes to a different church, or he does not go at all. Theo really didn't like Emma's church and he certainly wasn't exposing his kid to that shit.

Emma pretends to agree and takes Gus to That Church. Theo doesn't attend, so he doesn't know this is happening until much later. Gus gets all the same nasty shit Emma does. Theo learns of this when he sees Gus covered in bruises from confession beatings. This puts a huge rift between him and Emma, and he pulls all the strings he can to have her church shut down.

Emma grows to resent and hate Theo and Augustijn for not being the perfect husband and child she deserves as a good, God fearing house wife. Augustijn is left to his nannies, Emma hides away in her private garden, fuming. Theodore tries to bond with his son, but Emma's poisoned that well.

Emma tells Augustijn about demons, to fear them. She specifically tells him about church grims, demons that hunt around churches in the form of a dog to drag sinners to hell. She says this as she's admiring her new obsidian dog statues for her garden.

Eventually, Emma goes yellow wallpaper and loses her mind, and is sent to therapy and put on medications. Augustijn loathes his father for his mother's state. Theodore just wants his friend and son okay. But Emma, as she's out in town, coming back from therapy, she stops at a friend's house while the friend isn't there, and hooks up with the woman's husband. Friend's husband was stern, strict with his wife, God fearing, and generally an obnoxious 50s ideal shithead husband. Everything Emma wanted. This wasn't out of nowhere, it was brewing in the background. She knew both of them from her old church.

Emma goes home, and finally having a reason for the guilt that's always plagued her, elects to acknowledge her sin. She drowns herself in the pond of her garden, stared down by three dark, ruby-eyed dogs, overseeing her passage into the afterlife. Her young son comes into the garden to meet his mother, after she's been gone all day, only to find her in a red pool. He looks up into the eyes of the dogs. He remembers nothing of this incident, blocking it out and having been too young to understand.

Years pass, and Augustijn turns to drugs as well, though his come from the darkest parts of the Hague, rather than a doctor. He turns to sex, to crime, to anything he thinks will either corrupt him so much he doesn't care, or will finally make his guilt feel justified. He wears his mother's cross necklace through it all, and sees her beloved dog with every sin.

Augustijn goes to America for college, to Harvard, studying to become a pastor himself. (This is maybe the most terrifying part of him, the fact that he almost got it). But he doesn't feel satisfied with it, has a moment of clarity and realizes he isn't fit to preach anything. The grim certainly doesn't think so. He instead follows his only friend, Isadora, into the military. The US government allowing their soldiers to do chems means his failed drug tests don't matter.

Augustijn becomes a sniper. He has always hurt people, excelled in it, but taking life frightens him, because he knows he has no right to decide who lives or dies, not like this. But he's in China, and he's told to kill. He does, and he's very good at it. His teammates marvel at just how scrappy and determined he is, like a weed, a mold.

The Biandukou Pass Incident occurs. He eats his entire team, trapped in a Chinese mountain range during a blizzard.

Delirious from almost two months of surviving on nothing but psycho and human flesh, Augustijn is let loose back into Boston, honorably discharged. His lingering hallucinations from his Daytripper addiction, mixed with psycho withdrawal, trauma, guilt, shame, the fear of God—everything culminates. He looks up and sees the figure that has haunted him since that one, awful day; the church grim, staring expectantly.

His mother drowned herself, so he thought it fitting if he set himself ablaze.

#ss; alter #I hate to put a word to his specific illness because you always get people like 'this isnt what i think this is like so pls die'#but i imagine he'd be diagnosed with hppd #hallucinogen persisting perception disorder. basically lingering effects of hallucinogenics after use #the point of emma is that she did not ever see past the shit #Augustijn gradually learns how to reject his guilt and view himself objectively #and comes to see how he was hurt and how he hurt others. and accepts that he has a right to feel hurt but an obligation to be better #emma doesnt. she never would have even if she survived her attempt #its like. you only feel guilt because its a concept put into you #and emma taught him guilt. always feel dirty and shameful.#but. she didnt feel guilty. not really. she was confident in all of her actions and never once hesistated #she thought it was guilt just because she knew how it would look to other people. thats not guilt thats awareness.#she wasnt guilty she feared repercussions.#meanwhile her son grew up always ashamed and horrified at himself and was desperate for any kind of comeuppance #not to make it okay because he knew it wouldn't. but because he deserved it #accountability and justice are also big concepts in gus' character. the idea that someone becoming better and earnestly doing it #is better and more worthwhile than them suffering for their actions. this comes up with the Institute and Isadora #anyway if any of you come at me bitching about portaying a woman as abusive im biting #'joe no one does fhat' they literally do. its happened to me before. yall say you support womens wrongs until theyre abusive moms #anyway. fun fact; being beaten during confessions is why gus cant admit when hes done wrong for like 30 years. its a trauma/trigger #gus really is just. 'how do i process what happened to me without losing my mind'#and he lost his mind. but he does everything he can to find it again. because he doesnt want to feel this way anymore

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oflgtfol · 4 months

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in my monthly “mourning the part of me that died last year” era

#trying to finish up my resume so i can ask ppl for letters of rec #scrolling thru my photos trying to find proof of what exactly i did #going through spring 2023 and now fall 2022.#i just. argh #im so much better now than i was at this point last year #and words cant even really describe how much better i am now #or even rather just. how much WORSE i was last year #i just. im finally getting motivation again to like put my life back together and learn how to be a human being again #and now looking at my shit from january 2023 and being like. oh yeah. this is exactly why im having to put myself back together again #im like so proud of myself now for like putting 5 clothes away per day to clean up my room #so im like wow im making progress yay #and so then its like. oh. stark reminder as to the exact soul crushing dark depths of my soul that led me to this point in the first place #brot posts #also going thru all my old school homework and textbook files and its like. damn. i used to be about that life #and also seeing the utter decline in organization in my folders as time went on #like girl you can see the depression coming over me just in the file structures …#and also how more and more homeworks get skipped like oh HW7. then HW9. no hw8… cuz i didnt gaf anymore #meanwhile my first two years were so meticulously organized and well kept. and never missing an assignment

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nomaishuttle · 6 months

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i do fr need to work on differentiating between "actually middleclass" and "doesnt live paycheck to paycheck" lmao bc that is something i struggle with... obviously ik i have more in common with like. even somebody whos fr middleclass disney vacations every year. I know i have more in common with them than i do with bezos but god at least i dont have to see bezos being annoying in front of me every day KJANDJKLNLJD

#bc its like this. i obviously have way more contempt for a billionaire. obviously. but ive never met an actual billionaire yfm. and i Have #met middleclass ppl and A lot not all but a lot. are so insufferable and ikkkk not all of them or whatever but like. i constantly got shit #for being poor from middle class kids and like. ik im supposed to be class solidarity with them bc were all poor when compared to a #billionaire but goddd fucking damn they make it difficult . ik its like well the upperclass Wants the lowerclass and middleclass to be at #eachothers throats bc it means they dont pay attention to the upperclass walking over the both of them. i knowwww. but i can multitask #major in hating rich people minor in hating the middleclass...#THIS ISNT RLY RELATEDFTO THE LAST POST AT ALL i just have a lot of like. complicated feelings abt classism basicallyy.#like. i wouldnt wish poverty on anybody it fucking sucks. but as a kid i did sometimes fantasize abt swapping lives with my classmates who #had more money than me Not even bc i wanted to live their life but just so they would like. see the apartments i lived in and see the room #i shared with both of my siblings (weeman didnt exist yet lmao) and just like. look in the fridge. bc i just rly wanted ppl to get it lol..#there was this one assignment that was like. wants vs needs and ppl kept putting needs as like. A big backyard. vacation once a year. my ow #personal bedroom etc and ik they were kids but it was like. insanely frustrating to have these kids who had like. never had to live without #Wants. yk. bc then i would just write down like. food. shelter. water. thats it lmao i even had clothes as a want instead of a need. and #they were making fun of me bc my list was so short and its like . look man i have gone without these three things on multiple occasions. yk #and now i try to be like. its good that there are ppl who have never experienced that i dont want ppl to have to experience that especially #like. that was in 4th grade lol. i was 9. i shouldnt have been worrying abt bills and stuff and none of my classmates knew anything abt tha #and thats a Good thing they shouldnt have. but theres this selfish part of me that wishes they did KANDJNS bc its so insanely isolating to #have ppl like. interrogating you abt why your shoes are so worndown or why your winter jacket is too small yk. and you cant say 'my family #cant afford better/new ones' bc they dont even understand what money is. yk. IDK. im just very sensitive abt these kinds of things KANDNW..#perhaps a bit too oversensitive at times but yk. im working on it and im working on not being spiteful abt it bc like. yes it was isolating #but it was a good thing that the kids didnt relate to it yk. kids shouldnt relate to that and i shouldnt have felt that way bc no kid shoul #im also Ik i bring it up constantly but im still so mad abt that time my friends heard me say Yeah i have to go to court against my dad nex #wednesday . and they didnt say anything and then one of them went Ughhh my dad wont buy me the newest iphone hes buying me the newest #samsung instead But i have an iphone app that i spent 50 dollars on that wont transfer !!!!!! and then she endedup getting the iphone #anyways. sry ikk its grudge and i need to let it go but im still peeved... brinn there are people that are dying .#and also now i know that like. a lot of the other kids in my class Did understand and were just like. posturing. yk. a few of those kids #were from the same neighborhood as me lmao i was just too autistic to realize we werent supposed to be honest 💀 but yes. sry for this like #manifesto i am just thinking out loud..... well not bc this is text famously a written form of communication but we all understand. anyways

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themyscirah · 2 months

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Philippus? Wym philippus this is a wholeass other woman?????? She's white?????? Guys come on now

ALSO cursed white Euboea in this same sequence.... homeboy she's Asian please stop

Joe Phillips I'm sorry but this is some shitty ass guest pencilling how can you not know anything abt what these people look like thats literally your job... you also just needed to read the issue before this to know?

Editors should have caught this one these are major Amazon characters

#also i did a quick wiki check for one thing and basically confirmed that i was right about this entire arc so i win i guess 💪💪💪💪#like “the amazons are starting some crazy murder shit!” are they really now. which amazons may i ask? are you sure its not the bana-#oh yep its the baba mighdall. well then. TOTALLY didnt see this coming (said w love)#i mean its like maybe im being perceptive but they literally showed two of them in their armor and had one say phthia aka one of the #founders of the bana. like okay i had to do a wiki to check that and obvi id know slightly more than a pérez run reader abt them #(but not much honestly ive read the same stuff they wouldve just plus some fandom osmosis/knowing who artemis is) but i digress. do think he #maybe could have put showing them off but i understand the motive of not wanting readers to go months thinking the amazons were chopping #ppls heads off. but they could have teased the mind control red herring (probably? think it was a red herring although it could pop back up #the arc is still ongoing) a little bit more considering weve had dr psycho starting shit for the past 4 (at LEAST) issues but well whatever #anyways the pencilling on this one needed help like its not even a coloring issue at the core of it its legit this guest guy drawing #totally different people... very lame #anyways maybe im too quick to blame it all on the bana i am only halfway through the arc #like i do think it is the bana. i think thats the answer. but again dr psycho IS causing problems and theres been hints of the cheetah being #involved (“animal attack” killings + a shot of her in arkham) AND circe was namedropped (although now we know it was dr psycho) but im still #slightly suspicious bc there seems to be possesed animals... like they are v much laying different hints and pathways here #but i think its the bana. i think its psycho fucking around and also the bana and MAYBE a psycho controlled cheetah or the bana mimicing her #patterns. or are the bana even there if psychos involved??? he could just be fucking around then- okay you know what. maybe im less sure of #this than i thought and should just read more. wait but how would psycho even know about the bana to have ppl hallucinate hed just use the #themyscirans-- okay i need to read more im getting distracted. the bana are definitely involved though im calling it. its them and maybe #psycho. and maybe cheetah. and maybe circe but likely not bc we already established that was a false lead. unless that was also a trick. and #WHAT ABT ARES ALL THE STOLEN ARTIFACTS HAD TO DO WITH WAR--#.... guys im losing it. fuck it im saying its all giganta and calling it a day i cant do this #no but i love how this mystery is set up its like they just dropped clues for every single ww villain onto it and said “here. good luck.”#this is before the big ww crossover too so it could actually be all of them im losing my mind here. WHO IS IT #ive twisted myself in a circle here i dont know anything now. only that i did call it if it was the bana. or if theres mind control or smth #sus about heracles cup. i also called that although its seeming less and less likely now that the bana and psycho are likely involved. and #maybe cheetah. and circe. and ares. guys im falling apart here #what was the point of this post then? oh shitty guest pencilling and editor flops. the editor flop part i can understand im sure they were #busy even if this is a big thing to miss imo. the penciller though is just silly come on now. someone should have caught that. anyways--#swishy liveblogs

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mikkouille · 1 year

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I know it makes sense cuz duh, twitter's in the name, but boysplanet-twitter really is the place where taste dies

#🧍yall cmon....#and theyre so Shady for WHAT. girlies will side eye an imaginary lad for supporting a Dozen while having one in their pfp‼️#makes me spite vote for their most hated contestants fr #'u guys r voting for x UNDESERVING guy when MY one should have UR vote he DESERVES IT' well fuck you lol im voting daeul again‼️‼️#'we HAVE to make this final lineup GOOD' we have to make it suck itd be funnier #lets all vote for the shit guys tje look on mnet's face will be priceless #then its my fault for even going to twitter but i didnt chose to see boy planet content there the alg just puts it under my eyes cyz #i made the mistake of joining ppl who were once bitching abt the girls who r so vocal about how chiu n my klorbo are alledged lookalikes #not theyre NAWT lmao‼️#coming in like 'i agree they dont look alike' setting myself up to seeing the WORST takes ever formulated later #anyway daeul sweep #also its very clear that despite whzt their self righteous words say in opposing themselves against the 'ur just voting for visual'#they r HELLA basing their standard on it too #cuz like im a junhyeoner but he did NOT do well on the K vs G stage lmao #'their stage was ok' it was NAWT n i can say in unbiased words cuz half the team there is my top9s fjdjsjsjsjdjdj #i was gritting my teeths bro 'haha its not. so. so bad haha' < with tears in my eyes #but theyre collectively good looking aint they 🤨 weird‼️#just like how they'll last five seconds hating on jay before calling him ugly lmao u guys are TRANSPARENT #they can hate on him all tbey want doesnt change that he's The vocalist of the season oh well

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smol-tired-binch-blog · 8 months

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Sometimes I think I must consume media wrong because I don't remember The Lottery by Shirley Jackson fucking me up

Like sure I read it and was like 'wait hang on, what- oh dear.' but I didn't have the 'Dude That Was So Fucked Up I Am Fundamentally Changed As A Person' experience everyone else apparently had

And that ain't a flex btw this ain't a "oh I can read the most fucked up stuff and feel NOTHING" kinda bullshit I just. Wasn't that deeply affected lmao

#but also i got a B in English Literature A Level so I must be doing somethin right lmao #smol speaks #im trying to think why it didnt really mess with me. it wasnt a 'shocking twist' it's Where The Story Went to me #then again i dont remember many specifics from when i was younger. hell i barely remember the last week. i do know we read it though #i dont remember what conclusions i reached or what we even discussed. however i CAN think of a story that did affect me as a kid:#Lola Rose by Jacqueline Wilson. I read it in primary school and have reread it multiple times. i felt such a connection with Lola Rose #she was so similar to me even though we also had differences (her fear and hatred of sharks vs my love of them) (though her fear made sense #i dont think ive ever empathized with a character so much. and that book introduced me to the concept of abusive parents i think.#the idea of a parent who didnt simply love you but sometimes went about it wrong or made mistakes. but one who *actively* hurt their family #rereading that book again as an adult is heartbreaking ESPECIALLY the 'Voice of Doom' sections which *holy fuck i relate to*. there's such #dread and fear in that book but luckily there is hope and joy!! but God above the shit that girl deals with. anyway maybe reading a story #about a weird festival that ends with a stoning doesnt hit as hard when youve read about a girl seeing the bruises on her mother's chest #in the bath and having to tell her 5 year old brother they ran away from Dad because he hurt Mum and his response is 'but she deserves it'#abuse mention #better tag that huh. yeah sorry i put half the post in the tags again GOD i should make an actual Lola Rose post

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sucktacular · 1 year

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friendly reminder that if you wanna draw you should draw because I wanna see it and reblog it and eat it so it'll be with me forever

you MADE something!!! that straight up DIDNT exist before??? that's so incredibly metal and amazing and sick as fuck im so proud of you

#i dont care you 'skill level' or whatever nonsense #YOU DID THAT!!!#and my god you should be so proud because I am #i should get magnets to print out ppls art and put on my mini mini fridge that only holds like 4 cans of soda #but like esp if youre in you're 20s??? LATE 20'S???? PAST YOUR 20s???? HOLY SHIT IM SOO SO PROUD OF YOU #cuz its so so hard to get yourself to make and create after youre a kid or a teen #esp if you never really fostered that creativity as a young person #like you DID that you mADE that youre so so amazing #this also applies to writing and crafts and anything where you made something #like ive struggled for a long long time to like my art let alone want to make art but listen listen listen #everytime you make something it gets easier to make it again #you dont have to compare yourself you dont have to strive to draw like whoever #the secret is everyone wants their arts to look better or be better or easier even the really really talented professionals #we are learning creatures no one is perfect and its so so beautiful that that is a thing cuz like #i dont want to see beautiful rendered sistene chapel paintings everyday!!!#like theyre great and im in awe but i could be in awe and enjoying art jim bob down the street doodled on a bench #i see my partner doodle in my notebooks when they make phone calls and are on hold and i think its so beautiful #its just shapes but like they were there and they did that and I didnt? its beautiful and fun and reminds me they were there #you are here and im so glad you are because we get to enjoy things and create and love and just exist #life is hard and we created a society that can be so cynical and were so busy all the time #but i love us i love people i want so badly to love us all because we are different and dont always agree but we create and we exist #and i think thats enough at the end of the day. to just exist.#so you made a lil doodle? i want to see it because ive never seen it before and i think its so awesome genuinely that you did that #sucktacular sucks

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theyhitthepentagon · 11 months

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downloaded xkit rewritten hoooooly shit

#my truth #<- you see that shit. i didnt even have to put that there it did it for me #i can start tagging my original posts now...#wow wow wow wow wow #AND I CAN FULLY HIDE FILTERED POSTS #SO THERES NO BUTTON TAHTS LIKE “VIEW THE POST!!”#OHHHHHHHHHHHHH #the world is so beautiful #test #idk how this works #smile #YOU CAN ADD TAGS WITHOUT HAVING TO GO INTO POST EDITOR #OIH MY GOD #THE WRODL IS SO BEAUTIFUL #THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL!

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snekdood · 1 year

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Im so tired of acting the way i think some ppl on here think i should act. Im tired of assuming theyre seeing me through the lens my ex provides for them. Im tired of feeling like nothing i say or do matters anyways because people have made up their mind about me and refuse to try to see me in another light. I know who I am and I know what im like and im tired of trying to almost essentially help people see me change my behavior for the better from something i never even was? Because i guess i feel like if i act like most people dont know about the issues between me and my ex that means other people will think im just *pretending nothing is wrong or happening*. It feels like i cant win either way. I cant play pretend as this horrible person whos trying to reform and have people allow me the chance to actually change and recognize that change and i cant also be myself and just know myself without people thinking im just ignoring this thing that isnt even a thing i need to work on or ever even fucking did. Im so tired of feeling convinced that other people are convinced im horrible and having to work from there and having to try to navigate that situation and get someone to see my side of things because ive just come to the conclusion that some people just will refuse to and idk. Theres nothing i can do in this situation. I just know i didnt deserve any of it.