#< for reachability dont kill me
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shoutout to my favorite non-grass-touching cringelord!!!!!
#undertale#gradient#gradient sans#< for reachability dont kill me#askcomboclub#undertale au#utmv#kia doodles shit
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fuck all your haters, tell me about your saw-sona
FUCK YEAHHHH ok under the cut cause its probably gonna be long + saw trap details
Her name is Isabella, Izzy for short and preferred. Shes in her mid 20s, home cut choppy straight black hair thats a bit past her shoulders with short bangs. Her style id say is a bit casual 2000s goth/emo (big cargo pants + tight black shirt, black choker, fingerless gloves, big work boots). personality wise shes very nervous/paranoid and has pretty rapid mood swings from being antsy to extreme anger. after she gets out of her trap she gains a little more confidence and channels her anger better, but still isnt the best at speaking up or talking without tripping over her words
her backstory is shes still living at home with her abusive dad and is a prop designer for a small theatre company. shes had a long history of abusive partners and hanging out with manipulative “friends” and such, as well as some pretty severe substance issues. she never tried to solve her problems and instead ran away from everything but still came back to the same bad situations. after driving off crying upset and angry and inebriated after a fight with her dad, she ends up running over (basically bisecting) a pedestrian that ended up being some doctor that was supposed to perform an organ transplant thatd save someones life, leading to two deaths total. she gets away with it in court through sleazy lawyers arguing things like the pedestrian wasnt on a crosswalk and etc.
Amanda is the one that chooses her for one of Kramers traps. i think amanda has a bit of a soft side for her considering her circumstances, but kramer is still the one who makes the trap. the best way i can describe it is its like a giant clock with a vertical pole in the middle. Izzy is attached to the pole by her ankles being chained, her neck being chained, and a long rebar wrapped once around her torso. the rebar extends out to a gear wheel at the edge of the clock, so when the gear wheel starts to move, the rebar begins to wrap around the center (aka where Izzy is trapped). In front of her hanging from the ceiling is the jigsaw tape and a tire iron. extended out of her reach and a bit lower hanging from the ceiling is an off switch. the switch is only reachable by leg length. to escape her trap, she has to break her foot out of the chains by bashing it with the tire iron, and slamming it against the off button. during her trial after she debates in throwing the tire iron at the switch, but realizes if she misses she’ll have no backup plan. she begins to bash her foot, but the tire iron slips from her hands anyways. at this point, she has about a minute left before the rebar wraps tight enough around her to break her ribs and crush her insides. frustrated and screaming that she was going to do it and that she doesnt want to die, she twists and snaps her already damaged ankle out of the chains, and flings her leg forwards, disarming the trap. she makes it out with one severly fucked up foot and a couple of broken ribs. shes wheelchair bound for a bit after and eventually switches to a cane
shes very eagerly takes on the role of John’s apprentice as she sees him not killing her as one of the first kindnesses in her life, and she immediately wants to put her dad in a trap. her traps are decently theatrical due to her prop making skills with a rube Goldberg style premise to them, but they arent always the most stable (at least once or twice has one broken/a victim has broken it)
like i said earlier she gets along with Amanda pretty well. they dont see each other as a threat to John’s legacy since Izzy is just fine with being a follower with no want to actually become Jigsaw, and Amanda is empathetic towards her problems and the fact that shes younger
her and hoffman do NOT get along. hoffman already disliked her based on the fact that amanda chose her, and isnt a fan of her erratic behavior which he considers a liability. she hates him on instinct and doesnt believe he understands kramers ideals, and despises him even more after learning about him switching amandas letter post johns death. he definitely tries to kill her and vice versa after kramer dies
her and john get along great. he has empathy for her being younger and is proud of how she escaped her trap + believes she understands his ideals. its very saw x kramer and amanda relationship but shes a little more obsessive over him and sees him as a mentor figure
her and gordon end up teaming up after kramers death and get along decent. she believes he understands john’s ideals and feels fine following him, theyre both in the fucked up foot club, and both want hoffman dead. shes sees him sort of as a fatherly figure and he sees her kind of as a daughter figure but their work is too fucked up to fully establish that
since im an adam is alive truther and he also works for gordon, i think Izzy and him get along fine as well. they definitely have nasty t4t sex
hehe anyways ty for asking :)
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i cant sleep... lets go on with the liveblogging. ep2 beloved
episode two, really red. in which someone gets angry
i really do love mabels voicemail message so much. customer service voice
to let the world know that i died for love..ok
shes so parasocial but the best part about it is shes actually not
its so funny to me. mabel is, arguably, somewhat, dead in a ditch somewhere
YOU HEAR ME SO I KNOW IM REAL. dies and kills
annas Things with reality hit so much while quarantining they really did. it was so much.
ive always wondered so much about this part. first of all, what is she talking about? i always kind of got the impression it was a bird. was it tressa? was it the dead baby crow from later in this episode? secondly, who is recording this? i don't think this is annas voicemails at all. for a while ive had a theory that the house/hill is the one listening in on everything and weaving a story together, which kind of falls apart if you consider episode eleven and a big chunk of season seven, but which is still interesting to consider. i just dont know what this is all about.
SHES SO OBSESSED. i get her
mabel doesnt have to watch anyone die mabel doesnt have to take responsibility for anything...
sallys ambassador complaining about deforestation dream is so funny. ambassador for who mrs martin!!! like she is SO haunted by the faeries imagine what it must have been living there all her life, always reachable by them, always reached by the house...
everything will be the same until something changes another point for the timeloop girlies
THE HOUSE IS WAITING!
THE DREAM UGHHHH i do believe this is luna but of course the boundaries between luna and mabel are at this point sort of meaningless. and like. her letting mabel back into her head...also "i dont think our dreams really mean anything there's too much white nose in our heads" is soo her like subconsciously removing guilt from herself. love you anna
can you guys believe they werent written to be romantic until like episode seven or something. i cant!
shes soooo gothicheroine.......
THIS IS SO FUCKING. UGH!!!!!!!!!! making her an accomplice making her culpable...
anna limon asmr
"this is as much your fault as it is mine. i hope you know that. you might not be here, but... you're here, you're in this with me. THIS IS YOUR STORY TOO EVEN IF YOU WONT ADMIT IT!!!!"
#andys seventh mabel relisten: a beautiful liveblogged adventure#um sorry for the inconsistent quoting system it makes sense to me ok..
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Okay so my adhd ass brain cant put into exact words so hopefully you will see what im getting at here but just look at these observations for a sec
Sasha, esp with these first few eps of s5, seems to be somehow aligned with the Web.
She saw through Gertrude from the start.
She showed up at the institute seemingly without anything pushing her there like it did the other assistants.
All her comments about how "there is no real You".
How she was Gertrudes choice as a successor
(and, mind you, we can all agree Gertrude also displayed a lot of Web traits, given how skilled she was at manipulation as well as her plans to burn down the institute)
Its very plausible that not only is Sasha somehow connected to the Web, but that the Web sent both her and Jon to the institute with the intention that one of them would become the next archivist, and thus it would have already made a mark on an avatar of another power. Sasha is the only assistant who we have no backstory on, which i think is intentional. We dont know what being marked means for the Web but its GOT to give it some kind of benefit or advantage in comparison to an unmarked individual becoming archivist
Its been made clear over the course of the show that the presence of spiders often indicate the presence of the Web at work.
If you want to get even more meta about it, we can track a majority of the plot's advancement by looking at statements involving the Web, especially in the earlier seasons. For example, ep 16 Arachnophobia is the statements that prompts Martin to follow up and he ends up finding jane prentiss. And then ep 38, voila, the Web vase thing and then Jane prentiss attacks
(jane prentiss also knew details about the web that you wouldnt think she would know, seeing as she didnt seem to work with any other avatar and thus where would she find out that spiders belong to the web etc? Idk she knew a lot more than what seemed reachable on her own and that gives me reason to believe she mightve interacted with the Web or Annabelle at some point but thats another topic)
I already made a post talking about how Not!Sasha was tied to a table with the Web's design and that table was definitely present in multiple statements, including ones about Hilltop Road
BUT that table was delivered to the archives at the same time the Web lighter was delivered, making it likely that both were sent directly by the Web/Annabelle Cane
And it very much seems like the Web wants Jon to burn down the archives
NOW the only reason Jane is forced to attack the institute is because Jon tried to kill that spider. But here's the thing, you know what he says right before he tries to kill it?
He mutters "I see you..." really quietly under his breath
And you know who was immediately there when that shelf collapsed? Sasha
And ofc no one can forget how Not!Sasha says that creepy ass "I see you" after Sasha call out to it, saying that exact thing
AND THEN when jon finally finds out about Not!Sasha and listens to the old tapes and hears it say that, he says "And now i see you" and then proceeds to smash the table which AGAIN progresses the plot
I dont know how all this fits together but if there's one thing i DO know its that Jonny has proven his aptitude at peppering in foreshadowing that is MILES ahead of the actual plot and that youre not likely to even catch until you relisten.
I doubt that this "I see you" repetition is a random coincidence, nor do i believe he would create Sasha, one of the original 3 assistants, just to kill her off after 1 season, given how carefully he had thought out Martin and Tim. Given that we are 2 eps into season 5 and both of them involve Sasha, that only strengthens the argument that there is definitely something more being spun here, aside from the Web wanting the archives to burn, i just don't know what it is yet but there's something i know there's somethinf goddammit jonny you beautiful mastermind what are you planning
#the magnus archives#tma#tma s5#tma s5 predictions#magnuspod#the web#the spider#sasha james#jonathan sims#tma s5 spoilers
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I can’t write for shit but I know you are really talented ,so what about an angst about Spot going to war and he doesn’t make it back and Race and their 1 year old son go to visit his grave and talk to him? Idk you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but I thought it was a really cool idea
hi! so this is a pretty on brand prompt (especially for a certain upcoming Thing, but...,,.,) but anyway yeah here’s a fic. hope i did your idea some justice!
warnings: lots of talk of death, but nothing graphic. my shitty, caffeine muddled writing (truly, not my best work, sorry)
ship: sprace
word count: 1529
editing: nein
Just Out of Reach
“Aye, Sergeant, need some water up there?”
“Yeah, thanks man.”
A water bottle is passed up to Spot, and he takes it, taking one hand off the M2 machine gun that’s deadbolted down in front of him and using his teeth to unscrew the cap. He hadn’t realized how goddamn thirsty he’d been, but it’s fairly easy and not at all uncommon to lose touch with yourself during the methodical cycle of a mission.
Really, it’s just reconnaissance. Mapping out the desolate land that surrounds base- cataloguing the unknowns and the possible threats. It’s the simple stuff. The required bits that make the more strategic missions possible. But they still take long as hell and Spot’s willing to bet that he’s sweat through his fatigues by now as he bakes in the desert sun. His helmet is scratchy and the army-issued goggles are digging into his skull, squeezing his brain and making his head throb. The water helps a bit.
His vehicle is at the front of the convoy, and somehow, he found himself perched in the turret, calculating gaze scanning around for anything amiss. They near an Iraqi village, vacated looking buildings lining either side of the sandy, dirt road.
Spot thinks he sees a few windows shutter closed and when he looks to his left, there’s a little girl (she can’t be more than five. Christ) sitting on her stoop, knees pulled up to her chest. She’s staring at the convoy, eyes wide and fearful and fingers plugged into her ears. Spot feels a pang of...of something. Guilt, maybe. Sympathy.
Really, none of these people asked for this. They never wanted big, scary men in big, scary vehicles shouting out foreign remarks and invading their space- their homes.
Spot forces his gaze back to the front, willing himself to focus back on the task at hand. But he can’t help his mind wandering back to that little girl. There was something about her. The innocence, maybe. The simplistic look of discernable fear in the face of something scary.
He thinks of Teddy.
His son’s own wide, brown eyes and chubby, five year old cheeks. Really, they’re not so different- that girl and Teddy. They’re lives are so drastically diverse from one another, but they share that same, innate naivete. The all prevailing look of curiosity that only kids can convey.
Spot misses Teddy.
Granted, he always misses him and Race. The feeling isn’t mutually exclusive to any one moment, but sometimes the ache will grow into more of a pain, gripping his chest with longing to kiss his husband and hug his son. Maybe dig his fingers into Teddy’s sides as he picks him up and swings him, planting an exaggerated kiss on his cheek. It’s a foolproof way to make him laugh. And if Race is there, he’ll laugh too. There are some things in life he can count on to be constant, and his family is one of them.
He comes back to himself as he nears a stoplight and suddenly, something in the world seems wrong. He’s just about to secure himself around the gun when there’s a shout from down below and then the humvee is jerkily rolling to a stop and that’s when Spot sees the wire and that can only mean someone’s going to die if they don’t fucking stop right fucking now and--
Nothing.
-
“Papa, can we go see Daddy today?”
Race freezes halfway through screwing the cap off a carton of milk. He turns to look at his son and finds him staring at him in all his six and a half year old glory. His hair is a mess of bedhead and sleep and even though Race had gotten him up and dressed in a decent amount of time for a Saturday, he still looks rumpled. But that’s just how kids are, Race guesses.
It had been a year since Race’s life took a tumble into the realm of his worst nightmare. A year since Lieutenant Kelly and Sergeant Jacobs had shown up on his doorstep, clad in Army Service Uniforms and wearing twin, somber looks.
It hadn’t taken long for Race to piece together why they were there.
That day was still hazy, a jumbled mix of numb shock and things like, “we regret to inform you” and “killed in action” and then there was Teddy pulling at his pant leg and asking him with those wide goddamn eyes why “guys dressed like Daddy” were there and Race didn’t know how to tell him that Daddy’s gone, because how the hell do you explain that to a five year old and he wasn’t equipped to deal with something like this and he still isn’t and-
Yeah. A nightmare.
Race still isn’t sure if Teddy knows exactly what happened. He seems to understand that Spot is gone and that fundamentally, he isn’t coming back, but he doesn’t think Teddy understands death yet. The finality of it- the weight behind the concept.
It was inexplicably haunting to see Teddy not crying at Spot’s funeral. Race was crying. Hell, Race was a mess. It was so bad that Albert had to take over his eulogy and Jojo had to watch Teddy for a few minutes while he lost his shit in the bathroom.
But Teddy hadn’t cried. He’d just clung to Race with a tight grip and wide, bewildered eyes, not saying a word.
“Sure, bud,” Race says, shaking himself and pouring the milk into Teddy’s bowl of Lucky Charms, “we can go see Daddy.”
He takes Teddy along to Spot’s grave fairly often, but he never really knows how much of it he processes. Like at the funeral, he’s always quiet and subdued when they go, never really saying anything. Just sitting in Race’s lap, head bent into the crook of his neck as he stares at the headstone.
“Yay!” Teddy bounces a little in his seat, grinning as Race sets his breakfast in front of him, “I want to tell him about my dance recital!”
Something in Race’s chest cracks open, making him feel simultaneously warm and cold and entirely overwhelmed.
On their way to the cemetery later, they pass a man selling custom bouquets on the street. Brilliant mixes of orchids and roses, gardenias and anemones, bleeding color into the cold grey of winter, and when Teddy sees them and turns that pleading look on Race, well, who is he to say no?
-
“Hi, Daddy!”
For once, Race stays a little off to the side, watching his son sit cross legged in front of Spot’s grave. He’s talking, words spilling out at about a mile a minute, but Race tunes them out. This is their private moment and he doesn’t want to get in the way of that.
“I kinda wish you coulda seen it, but…” Teddy shrugs, mouth grimacing in a way that’s so strikingly Spot that Race has to close his eyes for a moment, “That’s okay. I know you woulda come if you coulda.”
And, well, ouch.
“Anyway, I brought my scarf for you, Daddy,” Race opens his eyes to see Teddy carefully wrapping his little Thomas the Tank Engine scarf around the headstone, just over where he’d placed the flowers they picked up earlier, “‘Cause it’s getting cold and Papa always tells me that scarves help make you super warm.”
Race has to bite his lip to keep from crying or doing something stupid to ruin his son’s moment and, like, breakdown in front of him.
“Anyway, I’ll let you talk to Papa now, ‘cause I know he always likes to talk to you a little,” He smacks a kiss onto his palm and presses it to Spot’s engraved name, “Bye bye, Daddy, I love you.”
When he turns to look at Race, he’s smiling. It’s big and unyielding and Race fucking melts, because this is all he really wants. Sure, when Teddy gets older, Spot’s absence will ring loud and daunting, but hell, if he can have any ounce of peace with it then, well, Race...Race is fucking ecstatic. He can handle this.
“Your turn, Papa!” Teddy says, beckoning Race to sit down and climbing into his lap when he does.
“Thanks, little man,” Race hugs Teddy close, “Did you have a good time talking to Daddy?”
“Uh huh,” Teddy says, squirming a little in Race’s tight hold, “I know he was listening super good, I could feel it.”
Race swallows, “Oh yeah?” Teddy nods, “I’m super glad, Teds.”
And maybe, really, that’s what this is about. Spot’s death was a curveball thrown with the wrong hand, jarring a perceived reality and shifting everything Race had known a little too far to the left. And no, it isn’t okay. Maybe it’ll never be okay, but it doesn’t have to be. Spot’s still there, lingering somewhere in their hearts and made real by his memory- their memories of him. He’s still palpable, still reachable, and if Teddy can feel it, maybe Race can too.
Race takes a breath, fortifying and fond, then smiles. It doesn’t feel so strained and Race feels just that much lighter when he clears his throat.
“Hey, Spottie…”
-
it wasn’t very good don’t clown me please my brain said ‘sorry bud’ today
thanks for reading, chiefs
hmu to be added to my tag
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why Vanya Hargreaves’s medication is bs
Okay, to preface: obviously I know this is a fictional show, and isn’t meant to be realistic at all. to quote five, “I’m in a 13 year old’s body, Klaus can talk to the dead, and Luther thinks he’s fooling everyone with that overcoat. We’ve always been crazy.”
BUT—when people don’t experience something irl, they tend to get their understanding from the medica they consume.
So here’s me clearing up any misconceptions you may have about taking daily medications from watching The Umbrella Academy:
Part 1: Getting the Meds (let’s pretend Vanya has a regular doctor, okay?)
after Reginald died (hell, after she moved out) it would be hard to find a doctor who would prescribe the same meds, no questions asked. They’d want to know why she was taking them. After she came up with some excuse, then they’d/probably/ prescribe her some, but they might want to change the meds after a while (see Part 2).
The biggest issue (one that made me want to make this post in the first place) is that there is no way in HELL Vanya would be able to just have an extra bottle of meds for “emergencies” in her house (once again, if she was bound by the rules of normal doctors and insurance compaines). Either she stopped taking her medications for a whole month so she could have her bottle of extras (which she obviously didn’t do), or somehow she managed to get the pharmacy to give her an extra bottle. Pharmacies DO sometimes provide an emergency dose, if your doctor isn’t reachable to write in a new prescription or something, but it’s usually 3-5 pills MAX.
Part 2: Taking the Meds (these next two parts are questionable even if she gets her meds from TUA and Reginald, Pogo, or Grace (Mom))
Firstly, after taking the same meds (and presumably the same dose) for at least 10 years, it’s unlikely that it would still be effective. Your body tends to develop a sort of immunity after a couple of years to the meds you’re taking, so they either need to be changed or the dosage needs to be upped. After 10 or more years, the medication would probably have to be completely changed.
This is probably one of the most important ones, to me: VANYA SHOULD NEVER BE TAKING HER MEDS AT RANDOM TIMES IN THE DAY! Most meds need to be taken at a regularish time every day. I take mine around 6am and then 7-8pm. Even if I delay them for a few hours (like until noon), I feel really off for the rest of the day. If she’s taking them whenever (which she seems to be doing) either they won’t be effective or she’ll experience swings or something when she takes them later in the day. Which leads me to....
Part 3: Going off the Meds
side note: what Leonard did (taking Vanya’s meds) was absolutely disgusting. If you ever even think about that I will hunt you down and invert your rib cage.
Once Vanya went off her meds abruptly (which you should never, ever do, since depending on the meds and dose it can kill you) she should’ve been feeling some serious side effects before she started to feel better. Think Klaus when he involuntarily then voluntarily stopped taking drugs and went through withdrawal. That’s what Vanya should’ve been like. A hot mess, at LEAST for a few days.
AKA DONT EVER GO OFF YOUR MEDS W/O HELP FROM YOUR DOC OKAY KIDS
Anyways, thanks for reading my rantish/info sesh about Vanya’s Meds.
EDIT: please check out the comments, because there’s other POVs for taking meds there!! for a part of this I was going off of my own personal experience, so it isn’t a blanket statement for everyone who takes meds all the time.
#the umbrella academy#umbrella academy#umbrella academy netflix#vanya#vanya hargreeves#don’t beat me up for this#yeet
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How about 31 for the ask meme.
31. What about themselves do they usually not tell people? What are they embarrassed of?
aaah fuck wwhy do i set myself up for these things
alright
i suppose there is somethin that wweighs in on my mind some days and especially seein as im dead i dont see any reason not to actually fess up about it
i dont knoww howw many a you remember that wwhole “kill all landdwwellers” shtick i wwas sellin wway back wwhen wwere wwere all six an kneww evverything there wwas to knoww about anythin
a member a the nautical aristrocracy and an important figurehead aside i needed ambitious goals i wwas wwillin to kill for to stay in that kind of powwer flarpin and hagglin alone wwasnt goin to cut the dice
and i needed actual drivve for myself too evven if it wwas farfetched an outlandish because an unreachable goal means youvve alwways got somethin to climb higher for
and wwell in my case my goal wwas vvery reachable all i had to do wwas lighten glbgolybs feedin schedule but
but
that wwas too easy
it wwould a left fef alone and sad
id a lost friends i made lowwer on the spectrum
hell my moirails a goldblood and thats part of the sludge that wwould a gotten killed off first imagine if id gone through wwith it all
so instead i started commissionin vvris for devvices to selectivvely only end parts of the wworld because i kneww she had means to get them
honestly i broke the first couple a them myself so that the big to-do wwhen i tried to set them off failed and i could blame the malfunction on anyone but myself
vvris is smart she figured out i wwas sabotogin them myself and started sellin me defected devvices for the same amount a money wwhich savved me the trouble a needin to break it myself but wwe nevver brought this up or the fragile lie a our exchanges wwould a shattered
i dont think she realized though
she just thought i wwas a tool wwho wwas gullible enough to keep buyin her defaulted products
and anywways the game happened and did wwhat i had alwways said i wwas goin to do so in the end mass genocide got completed either wway
but my deep dark embarassin secret is that i nevver wwanted to do it i wwas just puttin on a showw in a wwigglers misguided attempt to get looked up to in awwe
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response to this! :3c
@ceruleansage
The rapping on the window was simultaneously both nauseating and overjoying.
Zariel opened the window to let the bird in, exhaling with relief. “I thought you weren’t going to come back,” She said, her stomach twisting in knots that she didn’t appreciate. In the handful of months since she woke up in the hospital, part of her had always been on guard, had been constantly on the verge of fighting for her life, waiting for threats that weren’t coming.
And now there was this bird, and the first possible chance of...something. Anything that linked her to those missing years. She took the letter and held it in her paws for several minutes, Sieran perched on her shoulder and fluffed up, resting in the crook of Zariel’s neck comfortably as if it was a familiar spot.
“If you are in possession of this letter, I hope I am assuming correctly that you are Zariel Darkfang.“
Well, that part was right.
“I have been in possession of Sieran since you gifted her services to me long ago, though not long enough that I would think it likely for you to have forgotten! It has been over three months since I lost contact with you, and knowing your usual diligence, I can only imagine that something unfortunate must have happened.“
Part of her was sorely disappointed that this stranger--well, no. It sounded like they were a good friend. One she couldn’t remember. Just like how she couldn’t remember what happened, the still-healing injuries itching under their bandages, and neither could this person. No answers there, then.
But this was someone who knew her, who she knew as well, and judging by the familiarity of the speaker, it was someone she was close to. And yet, Zariel couldn’t remember anything. How could have someone this important just be gone? Zariel gritted her teeth, remembering what the nurse had told her long ago.
“If we’re correct with our suspicions, and that a Chronomancer had a hand in your attack, then you may never be able to remember those memories again. Even upon being told of your part in them, they will be meaningless to you. You will have no connection. It’s like that time in your life is completely erased. Perhaps in time some things will return...but we won’t be able to say for sure. I’m sorry.”
Zariel kept reading, glad to hear that Sieran’s name was confirmed by someone else. That was something that came back then. That was--that was a chance. The writer sounded unsure, concerned by what Zariel had wrote. The charr gave a weak grin, subsequent letters were going to even more alarming.
“So you were looking out for me, huh Sieran? You probably spotted one of the flock and followed them back. It’s good to see you again, then.” Zariel said, idly fidgeting with the letter in her hand. She was stalling.
The letter was signed with a name and Zariel hoped it would be one she knew.
-Melody Kioran
Nothing.
Nothing but a faint ghost of a memory, vague snatches of words and idle conversation, moments that she couldn’t place together coherently trapped in a void of fog.
Melody Kioran.
Zariel howled, startling Sieran and causing the bird to flutter off and land on the desk as Zariel lashed out at the walls, leaving deep gouges. She was so close! She was so close to knowing something, to not being so alone anymore. She had Myrrh and the Fang warband, but she knew it had been so long since she last saw them--they were family, but distant family, not like...she didn’t know, she just knew it wasn’t the same.
She forced herself to sit down at the desk and breathe, trying to not choke on her own anger and bitterness. Every lead, every trace, it was all gone. This had been the most recent opportunity in so long and none of it meant anything.
Zariel began to write, half a coherent letter, half a desperate stream of consciousness, scratching out her words and smearing the ink, her hands jittering from adrenaline and distress. The letter was messy when it went put in an envelope and given to Sieran, the raven taking off once more to deliver bad news to this Melody.
Melody Kioran,
I’m sorry. It’s evident by your words that we knew each other very well, but I can’t find myself recalling your face or your name or anything about you who are you i’m sorry piece together whatever relationship we would have had. Evidently you knew I disappeared but i don’t know how i don’t remember i don’t remember i don’t remember but the circumstances of the incident are lost to me.The official report was head trauma and damage cause by a skilled chronomancer dont be them dont be them dont be them. I’ve spent this time trying to find clues to whatever happened but there’s been little. You are the first person I’ve heard of that is still alive and reachable that has a name I can remember that means anything that fills the gap in that missing time. I’m sorry. These words must be hard to hear. If there’s anything you know please tell me i need to know anything i don’t know if they’ll come back or who tried to kill me or I can do to helpdosomethinganything make this easier, please tell me.
Perhaps if we met in person i’ll remember something i won’t be alone there’ll be an answer it’ll then we can at the very least speak with each other face to face.
forgivemeimsorryidon’tknowhowdoi
Zariel
#zariel#TIME TO BE SAD#zariel had a very bad time in the interim of before meeting mel again and after waking up in the hospital#she spend a lot of that time on the verge of terror
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My heads narration
Back. Im always back. Alone exhausted. Its fine that no one cares. Why cause who cares about me ? Alot of people but no one knows me or can comfort me. Im so alone. I havent talked to anyone in awhile. Being quite sucks. Shut up Eduardo. Just shut up. Be open? I miss alot of people i let go. For one to a billion reasons for our own good to each others benefit. I miss being comforted i miss being understood not alone. I miss you like all the time. But nothing will happen bc im not sure. She broke my heart again haha. Who didnt see that coming right? You literally saw it from Virginia to California. Youre a stupid idiot. But we learn some how i guess. I dont know what im trying to embody. A guy trying to make it on his own or a guy stuck in a world of feelings and loneliness. So many drugs. Back to back. Worth it? I dont care what its worth all i think about it is not being alone. Although i can never escape it. Its just a sad helpless wish from someone who misses the person that brought life into them. Now they roam around trying to find that feeling again. As if it were tangible, reachable. When in truth its not. Never. All things have a reason. Nothing makes sense. Everything is random. I kinda really wish i wasnt a square. I wish i can be felxible yet firm. Im so fucking difficult. As if i have a higher purpose than everyone. Im the same piece of dust as everyone. I eish i could make ppls life better. I wish i can help. I wish i weren't so helpless. I wish to be loved by someone who knows me inside and out. Maybe i dont need that but its what im looking for its what i want. Im fucking stupid. I took acid the other day its...something else. I didnt have a bad trip but you could feel how easy it was to slip its scary. I feel like it preloaded a bunch of images and shit to my head. Its really something else. My stomach is killing me bit whatever theres a cost to drugs. In all reality all the bs that comes out my mouth or mind. I dont want to be alone. Its harder than it sounds bc you can be with a group of ppl and yet be alone. Or one on one and still feel alone. Needa find the right person. But is anyone looking for me? I wouldnt know. My therapist taught me to let go of horrible feelings and still i run to drugs like some dog to an owner. Im the dog obviously and my troubles my bad thought everything negative or wouldnt want is my owner. I run back like i can fix something or i can learn something by reliving it over n over n over again. Im stupid. I dont know alot of things or shit actually. Im pretty stupid i admit that. I admit that all my decisions arent the best if anything im the worst person you can meet. Like really what am i ? Theres no benefit to me or anything i dont give anyone they want. Just laughs and a break in life then im disposed again and again. Its not putting myself too out there or desperate its just ppl remember that they have a life and then poof. My soul cries everynight for someone to talk to or even get me at some level not even fully. I wish i could talk to someone on the phone. I wish i could vent. I understand i dont get that privilege anymore from anyone cause no cares they have their lives and other people why stop for a stranger or someone who repeats the same problem and cries about it . my silent cries. Regardless how things turn up for my sorry life. I deserve it. All this pain all this debt all this loneliness everything. I broke too many hearts to say im a good person. Im so retarded like why? Lmao. Uh god why ? I know its not your fault its my decisions my genes my everything. I find it really weird that if i cry i laugh alot like im crazy or something. Im not or dont think i am but yeah thats weird. Im scared that all this stupidity is gonna run up and knock me out of my life and ill just be a mess. A reck. Always have been i just throw down a good front. I wish i was more enthusiastic i lack that alot like its not funny at all. But hwo cares right? Ill just be silent again in my bed and look at the wall with no music in a clean organised house. I feel insane. I do think of cutting. I felt some relief but all i thought about was me marking my skin for someone who is sharing their body constantly and doesnt care. If they dont care about their count what makes you think they care about 1 or the many? Yeah if they cared n shit but really? They wouldnt trade that person for everyone. Everyone fills so many holes yet leave you empty. Thats when the loop begins i think. I should learn how to dress. Get more clothes. Better hair. Better smell better person. I need to better myself. I just wish i didnt have to battle being comfortable sad. I wish for some much yet im not willing to give up anything. I say i can but its probably the hardest thing for me. Letting go. I make it seem easy but its a stab to the chest in the morning through out the day up till the night. And in my dreams. Men talk to me about families and their daughters and im here. Alone wishing for their happiniess but maybe their happiniess isnt for me like its not ok at all. Idk my mind is stilk troubled like always. I run back
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For last several years...maybe even for decades even i was trying to live:normally...today i would ask:what does it mean-to being normal???
i was trying to find one style in cloths,one pattern of behaviour, be serious, learn-develop myself in one particular way,organize all in the way i would be normal...be the one person with no patterns and shades,not mess-i tried to kill it in myself...and everytime i failed.I failed,i was lost,i got disorders...i couldnt control my emotions, i was mess, i changed my mood,i changed my style, i couldnt be the one i tried to become, „me and myself” always won the game.
Today i am not this „never reachable ideal” of the woman which is calm and decent, pursuing one line, and trying to be loved by everyone around. i f*cked the idea, i dont want anyone to like me anymore, i like myself and thats enough.
I dont want to find any style as i am a mess and i am totally away of being within one style...my mood changes and i am happy for that-that allows me not to be bored with myself-i am different,i am alive-i am many patterns of the one personality and thats i accepted,-harmony war born once you accept the rainbow within yourself.I want to have different shades and i actually feel its the normal and its cool.
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Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
"Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr
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My sister is leasing a car and she changed insurance company last month. Don't know how this insurance Company gave her liability on a car that's not her's but they did it. She said they didn't even ask if she was leasing and when she asked how but full coverage was she said it would be to much. So lets just get this one. Now she just got into and accident on xmas day and her car is damage badly. The insurance people said they cant do anything with her car because of the coverage but I think that's not fair because she is still leasing on that car. What can be done can she sue the company on is it just her lost.
Looking for Maternity Insurance?
We're wanting to get preggers in the near future. We're trying to look at our financial options for insurance. Currently we don't have major medical insurance (I don't need any comments on this, it's not what I'm asking about). I'm hoping to get a type of maternity insurance that will cover a couple thousand dollars. We're also planning on home birthing (again, this isn't my question, so I'm not interested in opinions on this matter). Does anyone know any carriers that I could get some maternity insurance from for the states of Utah and/or New Mexico?""
Cheapest Car Insurance in California?
I just moved to Los Angeles and I'm wondering what is the cheapest car insurance company in general? Thanks in advance!
Rent a car or insurance for behind the wheel test in California?
Hi, I got my instructional permit from the DVM of CA. However what is the best way to pass the behind-the-wheel test? Rent a car? And if so, where can I rent a car that allows me to pass the test? Use a friend's car? And if so, how to I get the insurance? Thanks for any help !""
Car insurance and registration question?
Hi, I'm going to get my car registered today. I was wondering if when I go to get the proof of insurance if it will cost anything today for that? It will be 177 a month for insurance, and 303 for the license plate and registration and all that. But I wasn't sure if you get any charges right then and there for insurance?? Thanks. I also live in MA and I'm going with commerce if that helps.""
HELP PLEASE. AUTO INSURANCE FOR NEW DRIVER. I NEED A GOOD ANSWER?
how much a year would a 1998 chevrolet camaro base, not z28, be for a new driver. any ideas? and also a 2002 dodge intrepreped es 4 door cost? please.""
What is the most affordable cancer insurance for a girl in her 30s in japan?
not including shakkai hoken and kokumin hoken. i got those already. i want supplement insurance
Which auto insurance companies in California offer auto insurance for international driving license?
I already called a few but they tell me there don't offer auto insurance for someone w/ IDL
Health Insurance for Summer Camp?
i need to know if health insurance is a MUST (no other way) for summer camp at school it asks in the physical exam and stuff
First time buying car insurance?
I'm looking to go on my own Car insurance plan, Unfortunately I have no idea what a decent plan should cover. So what're the basic's that I should add to my plan?""
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
""Car accident, insurance rate?""
ive been driving 2 years, no tickets, no accidents....so tonight i got in an accident, rear ended a car....my fault,,,how much will my insurance go up? i have Allstate.""
Can I put my mom in my health insurance?
Can I put my mom in my health insurance?
Primary and Secondary Health Insurance?
This has been a big complication for a few months, but back in October of 2008, I had a physical exam and my provider billed, what I assumed at the time, my primary insurance company (Horizon NJ Health). However, two years later, Horizon took back that money and my provider has been billing me for that physical back in 2008. I called Horizon and apparently they took back the money because I had another health insurance, and Horizon was no longer my primary. I had not known about my other health insurance company, Aetna student health care, since they never gave me any information or membership details, and I was automatically enrolled for it when I entered my university. When I contacted Aetna, they told me that they weren't the primary insurance company because they were just student health care. After several phone calls back and forth between Aetna and Horizon... I STILL haven't figured out who my primary insurance company is since they both claim to be the secondary insurance (and they seem to have endless reasons why the other is primary). I contacted my provider and asked them who they have listed as my primary, and they seem to be clueless about it too (when I spoke to the receptionist and asked, they kinda changed the topic). Is it possible to have two secondary insurance? If not, who should be my primary insurance? If Horizon is my primary, doesn't that mean they shouldn't have taken the money back for the physical exam?""
How will a 30+ day lapse in insurance coverage affect switching insurance companies.?
I was with State Farm and they suddently raised my insurance from 87 dollars (this is liability and renter's insurance) to $117 to 200+. I was never able to pay that amount at once seeing as I am a student with a part time job. I have recently been looking for a new insurance company and notice they are asking about lapses in coverage. I have not had car insurance (and not been able to drive)since December 10th. How will this affect my next insurance rates.
What company has the cheapest car insurance for a teen in north carolina ?
What company has the cheapest car insurance for a teen in north carolina ?
Best Car Insurance For young Couple ?
Me and my fiance are starting to get estimates for major bills we'll know will be high (rent,car insurance, etc) What's the best car insurance for a young couple (20 year & 19 year old) for just basic coverage Im in the process of getting just a plain normal 4 door car like ford Taurus (1998-2000).. He has a ford 86' truck without 4wheel drive Neither of us have tickets, nor pricy sport cars But I've almost 20 and only been drving for 2 years (due yo bein homeschool, it was hard to get into drivers ed_) He's 19 and been driving less than year (cause hes school schule didnt allow for extra class like drivers ed)""
""Where Can i Get Non-Owner's Insurance in Austin, Texas?""
Where Can i Get Non-Owner's Insurance in Austin, Texas?""
""I need some cheap car insurance. I have a 2005 suburvan, a 97 chev pickup and a 97 mercury tracer.?""
I need some cheap car insurance. I have a 2005 suburvan, a 97 chev pickup and a 97 mercury tracer.?""
What insurance is going to play ?
I confided my 2 cats to a friend in Liverpool. My cats ripped him tapestry of his wall. Will take my insurance the damage because they are my cats ? Or his insurance because he is given custody of my cats ?
Is this car insurance thing true?
I heard online that in Texas if you drive less than 35 miles a day, you'll get a HUGE discount in your insurance. It this true? Or is this just a lie?""
Do I need to be on the insurance to get my license?
Im about to be 18 and I have an appointment at the California DMV to get my license. I've had my permit for a year. my boyfriend wants to take me. his car is registered and everything is fine but his insurance doesnt cover other people driving his car. can I take the DMV test in his car or not?
How much will my car insurance be when I turn 23?
I hear your monthly car insurance payments go down significantly once you're 23. I turn 23 in a few months and currently pay $65/month. How much can I expect it to be after I'm 23?
What's the average cost of car insurance for a 20 year old male?
I'm shopping around for car insurance and I'm trying to get an idea of what's average. I'm a 20 year old male living in Florida with no points on my license.
Will it cost a lot to start car insurance coverage again?
My boyfriend let his car insurance policy expire because his inspection ran out. He's working out of town, doesn't drive his car, and didnt have a chance to get it inspected.""
How much is insurance for a 17 year old ?
im looking forward to buying a mitsubishi galant 1999-2003 but before anything i would like to know how much is the insurance , because im paying everything myself ,so it would be under my own name .""
What would it cost to add someone who has a drink drive conviction to my car insurance for a couple of weeks?
It would be third party fire & theft; the same as me.
2000 Mitsubishi Eclipse RS. Need Reviews & Insurance prices?
Hi, im 16 I am thinking of buying a 2000 Mitsubishi Eclipse RS Mileage: 72,130 Transmission: AUTO $3,960 Is this car good for a teen? Is maintenance expensive? Will my insurance rate be higher than usual? Thank you.""
Can you get your drivers license without any insurance?
I live in West Virginia 17 and I have had my learners for almost a year and have got all my hours so would it be OK if i got my license w/o insurance
How much does third party insurance cost on average?
Does it depend on the car you buy? How much on average would you pay per year for third party insurance? Thank you
""My car was a total loss, my insurance wants to go for a settlement? ?""
My car was a total loss, my insurance wants to go for a settlement? how do i know that they are giving me a fair settlement? do i check the blue book value for my car when it was brand new, or as a used car(coz i bought my car as a used car with 23,000 mileage), or would they pay it as used plus the current mileage when my car was declared a total loss (it has 30,000 mileage). I bought my car, a 2005 honda accord coupe with 23,000 mileage <--- how much do they normally settle with this car?""
Inifiniti G37 insurance for 18 year old?
Ok i live in new york and im 18 and a new driver.... i keep hearing that it would cost over 700 dollars a month to insure it ..... is that true ? i know there is alot of variables but i wanna know is it possible ?
How do you find affordable medical insurance to cover family after the breadwinner becomes disabled?
How do you find affordable medical insurance to cover family after the breadwinner becomes disabled?
Do I need a drivers insurance?
I have my learner's permit and I live in California.... My parents have Triple A insurance as their auto insurance company and I was wondering if I have to have insurance in order to drive the car.... or do I get added when I get my drivers' license?
Insurance on a 2004 nissan 350z?
OK... I'm a 17 yr old male, have a solid part time job during school and full time I'm summer... I have found a 2004 Nissan 350z tourister with 58,000 miles, the owner is asking 10,000 for it it great condition... I would be putting 3k down and financing the rest... I would like an estimated price on monthly insurance... I'd be with both my parents and 4 other vehicles I believe, I don't know if its possible but any estimate is good... Thanks""
Cheapest motorcycle insurance?
I'm looking forward to getting a motorcycle and I was wondering what's the cheapest insurance you can get. I'm not looking for companies at the moment, I just want to know what's the cheapest plan for almost any insurance company. .""
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/rodeo-insurance-aaron-hoffman/"
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Sometimes i feel like i dont even know myself? I like to define what i like and what i dont like and my taste in everything. But suddenly I hit a wall and realise i dont really know myself... its like i force myself to know all these things about me like my favourite movie and i get so lost trying to define myself according to my tastes that i often forget who i really am. I know I hate strawberries and love watermelon but i dont know who I am deep down and its killing me
i feel the same way too sometimes, but i also think its just so difficult to know who you are as a person and condense that into a word or a sentence or even a paragraph or essay or novel. i don’t think you can ever fully know yourself, or ever fully understand what drives you and what essentially makes you.
i used to be really caught up in wondering who i am, and who i was, and why i am the way that I am, but now that it’s not so prevalent in my mind and im not consciously searching for answers, i think i’ve begun to know myself more....
u can also ask ur friends or family members how they would describe or define you, but make sure to take that with a grain of salt because sometimes the you that you present people with, or that they interpret you to be, isn’t always who you truly are.
idk don’t beat urself up about it... life is a long journey bringing u closer and closer to understanding ur essence but i don’t think that its something reachable you know? you just get closer.
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