My dad my dad....please think about yourself and others take care of yourself. Please. Keep him safe I pray.

Don't stop

Just keeping moving and you'll forget.

Workout and things will be better hopefully. Forget about the past keep what's important in mind but not into heart. Time moved without you and that's fine I wouldn't be here without it best use it to my advantage and change in little time

I wish I had someone to talk to on hours like now. 2:07am. Just so I'm not alone, if that isn't too selfish to ask for.

Fuck I hate this feeling it's really burning me up

I can’t stop laughing at this

I'm getting back to things and it's weird

I'm weird the way I approach them or I'm just skiling and nodding like a weirdo but I'm serious as it is I'm just trying to show them how I feel but I can hardly care sometimes cause I know inside it's like an awesome feeling I just hope they could feel it I suppose. But yea carrying convo without making it seem like just adding to what the person was saying rather than talking back giving original ideas it's like I'm just stealing from everyone and thing

Yea.... Guess someone new should be cool

Continuation

I'm a Mediator and makes so much sense once you read into it. The one thing that I wish I could kill in that discrption was my con of fixing myself and others. No one is my responsibility nor do I or they owe a thing to one another. Anything but kindness I believe but who cares right. I just wish I could fix you but I couldnt and it hurt like a knife in my chest with a twist I couldn't take you away couldn't do shit but talk all is talk what makes me the worst and lamest person at this point in time. But I still feel like when in 9th grade just different. Everything seems like a test I can't feel regret remorse there's this cover over me and it's too high for me to reach out care it's very hypnotizing. I just don't feel a thing. Crazy how I look like a whale rn and I'm still trying to be the best I can. I need to get off of this laziness. But yea too many ppl hurt. Too much money spent too much money requesting from others. Like if they were your responsibility like if they needed to take care of you. Although I do need that when I find the right vibe it sucks couldn't be a dumbass hoe but had to be someone who is meaningful I hate this complexity of my feelings a bunch of scattered shattered glass on a tile floor. Some move close others far some overlap. I'm exhausted. I hate losing ppl that I finally found could help me grow and become a better person. Had to be that high up there that Karam said now and broke my neck. Guess it's what I deserve after so much pain I've caused. My voice still troubles me alot my co workers make me wanna slice it up but I'm very found of my own voice I just hate when it suddenly get high pitched. Could be anxious too. Glad some ppl find my voice soothing and calm. Can't fix my face of it looking like I don't care I really do. I tried but only a few dorky expressions that I always do for some odd reason. I like my job surprisingly and they like me I think this will work out.

Happy New Years

My calves are sore from running around all day at work and I have to do the exact same tomorrow but glad they hired me full time. I'm sure something is wrong with me but I can't figure it out. I don't want someone reading me I hate that feeling I don't like being vulnerable. I guess no one does but I'm sure some. I have messed up so much last year. I felt such guilt just heavy but for some reason I've been holding it up for awhile but when I let it down it drops on me like a wave as this one is thin and slow. I can't believe I screwed my relationship. And another and another and another another another and another. The main ones the left a dent in my soul my biggest regret knows I fucked up almost as if once I got it I was satisfied and dipped cause what else is there to seek out with you. But no ive been learning about my self lately

My post got erased I just spilled my whole life

man FUCK THAT

6:39 am 1-9-10

I’m pretty close to bottom & like I told my self don’t trust any hoe any more. But guess what you did ? Yup. Trusted one. I feel disgusted I could understand why all those guys would leave but I don’t understand why you wouldn’t give not most but all your attention to the person putting in 110% like fuck dude what did I do to deserve this?? I’m tired. I really wanna die alone now. I can do it just need to give everyone a hard cold shoulder but I could do it. Being human sucks feelings n shit desiring or whatever. I guess I’m not enough. I’m never enough for anyone. Money, relationship, i don’t fucking know. I’m just a piece of shit and I won’t let anyone do shit to me again fuckk that. I’ll do them the dirtiest before anything.

1:10 am 1-8-18

Buzzed. Warm. Wasting time with her I believe. I really really like her but I don’t think I’m her bf. Maybe yeah her main nigga/hoe but nothing more. She doesn’t seem to know how she feels. Whatever yknow. I really don’t want to meet someone else and start again it’s tiring repeating alll that time getting to know them and you trying to make a good impression of yourself. I love you. In my way but maybe not the im in love. No one cares ahaha 3 ppl wished me happy birthday and I love each person they’re the best aha

Today in the morning is 10:28 AM

Not sure what I’m doing or where I’m headed. Gonna call to make an appointment for class placement in college I’m good to get ready for work in an hour. I need to get my shit together I really really really like this girl like I’ll make her my gf rn. Although what she told me..shook me but that was the past right now for me this is my past I want to do so much worse but idk if I’ll want to be that type of guy and what if I change ? I already have no friends so not worried about losing anyone. Every experience I have gone thru bad to worse to hell youre always alone even if you had someone making me feel better, it was ok but you’re alone I’m alone I know I have to have a heart of stone to continue walking of course when I meet ppl it’s not it’s actually me caring loving and all but me moving on living life it fluctuates . I was already bashed by a billion ppl for being “sensitive” or “caring too much” so Who ever I run across they’ll get to know everything from stone to goo. Anyways I keep picking up on things like why can’t I relate to everyone on music I still don’t know shit after how many years? I keep listening to the same 10 ppl it seems I’m just comfortable I like other artist I just don’t go deep. I need my liscene. I hate fucking saying o I’ll meet you up or some shit that’s like the weakest thing you can say. I need an actual life and pick my pants up for once. I think the girl I’m currently am with not the one I want as a gf tho is like my ex and now I’m like uhhhh fuck what did I do this to myself. It’s not her but it is yknow? I don’t see her as my ex but she has some traits fuck I’m already so deep with her too fucked up to pull away and leave especially since I got her a job and stuff idk I hope it’s not like that and she’s just her own person which she is that’s how I see her. Oh🐋 Ima get fucked up this weekend also 👏🏾