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clydegnightsknightnightschool · 5 years

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Sad Balance/Graduation crossover where...

In the early years of their expeditions across time and planes, the team lands in this relatively safe looking world. Standard monsters, heroes abound, a love of accounting- everything seems pretty normal. They decide to scout for the light after watching it fall deep, deep into the wilderness, far from society and any living soul.

They split up into teams with Magnus and Merle heading straight for where they’ve triangulated it to be. And what they find at the end is exactly what they’re looking for, the light- but also something else that is now using the objective of their entire mission as a comfortable bed to sleep on.

The creature’s hair looks wildly grown out- due to the light’s magnificent power of growth, mushrooms can be seen sprouting from little spots on his head, breaking through the mess of mane. They rustle in their sleep, but does not awaken. Even after Magnus picks both of them up, and Merle begs to keep their sleepy little friend.

Flash forward to the Starblaster. With the light in their possession, the crew is free to spend the year as they please. It also allows them to figure out what to do with the little Firbolg friend Merle has decided to take care of (“What, I’m a nature guy! He’s all forest-y, I’m all save the trees kinda deal- look he’s even got mushrooms in his hair!”).

The team decides to look for the little firbolg’s family or clan, as Barry mentioned they would probably have one. During the scouting and search, each member of the team gets a little bit closer with their new guest. Magnus watches as they pick up boulders like nothing and excitedly begins training exercises with them. A firbolg’s gotta get big and strong right?

Davenport catches them curiously trying to steer the ship. Thankfully it is fully anchored and parked, but he finds it secretly endearing that this creature was drawn to his passion. He gives the firbolg a captains hat and makes sound effects while the little one pretends to sail. Lup walks in on this and Davenport swears her to secrecy.

Speaking of Lup, the twins are having a bit of an argument over which type of ingredient to put in the crew’s dinner that night. As they passive aggressively insist on their own ingredients, their little guest simply (and accidentally) adds their own spin on it. A couple of spices, some thrown in garlic chunks. Taako nearly punts the child off the ship, but not before tasting the stew. It’s absolutely fucking delicious and the firbolg becomes honorary chef. Taako secretly loves when he can give the little one experimental snacks he’s developing. They love it as well.

Barry and the firbolg dont spend too much time together, with him locked away in those early years trying to study the light. Though there is an instance where Barry finds that he slept in the lab (again) after a long night of research and there appears to be something...fuzzy in his arms. Merle has apparently lost track of the little one who had subsequently wandered into the lab and into a sleeping Barry’s arms. They have a quiet understanding with one another.

Lucretia too is rather kept to herself, locked away in her room. Though because of their new friend needing to be documented, she watches them toddle around the ship, following where they go, studying and observing. That is until the firbolg trips and nearly falls down the stairs. Lucretia catches them, dropping her pen and notebook and holding the little one in her arms. For a moment she looks around, rather then nose to page, and she laughs.

But the most important member of IPRE has to be Merle. Merle who feeds the firbolg every day (it’s actually a bit of a group effort), who finds him clothes to wear and begins teaching him the alphabet. Merle who talks about Pan and his religion and there’s no pressure but you seem like a sort of nature guy y’know? Merle who talks about how everyone should just share and be kind and forget about possessions. Merle who just gives off love and care and joy.

Merle decides to call the firbolg, Baby.

And when the storm clouds gather, and the wind picks up, and the eyes are upon them- the crew knows it’s time to go. They pack up, say they’re goodbyes, and head off into the sky with Baby sleeping away in the little nest of leaves and moss that Merle made for them.

Now, in the early years...the IPRE crew weren’t aware of the rules like we are now. Griffin specifically said they have tried to take others with them, but in the end- they vanish. And when the crew enters the next cycle, they don’t find Baby on the moss. They don’t find their little firbolg running around, filling the ship with a exciting and warm presence. There is no one. And they mourn the loss of their Baby.

And far away, a firbolg without a name any longer sleeps, waking up in the morning to find no one. Gone. And with no explanation.

Years later, in a new life and on the first day of school- we find a large mass talking to two of their roommates. They can’t remember a name, they don’t prefer it actually. What are names really? But what they do know and share is something the firbolg doesn’t like to think about. Like a stone in their throat traveling down to settle at the bottom of their stomach. They tread lightly around the thoughts as they begin to explain to their new roommates-

“I...I have no clan. I have no clan.”

This went on for so much longer then I originally intended but if you made it to here thanks for reading!

#taz graduation #the adventure zone #the adventure zone graduation #taz bud #bud #???#taz balance #merle highchurch #magnus burnsides #taako taaco #taz lup #lucretia #davenport #barry bluejeans #ipre crew #stolen century

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elftwink · 5 years

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LUP and if you're cool with doing multiple, magnus, merle, and taako

i’m absolutely good to do multiple i love Having Opinions

LUP:

How I feel about this character: loml like IDEAL character god like not to show emotions i main but i cried when she was introduced and then she showed up and was just undeniably the coolest character on the podcast god BLESS

All the people I ship romantically with this character: lucretia or barry but like honestly to be honest with you. more w/lucretia and how much i even like barry and her relationship w/him is really more due to fan created content vs anything actually in the show, especially because literally we just dont hear anything about her feelings until they’re already together like griffin i get it its a big show theres a lot to cover but like. idk lup could have mentioned once that the feeling was mutual or something. this part should have been under unpopular opinion but whatever

My non-romantic OTP for this character: MAGNUS….. they r good friends

My unpopular opinion about this character: a tame opinion i have thats more just a hc is that i have is that she has a bob because she’s bisexual and also because chin-to-shoulder length hair is “just started transitioning and i need plausible deniability” culture and sometimes after that’s all done you’re like “this length isn’t bad as long as i properly cut and style it” and thats my proof. my other opinion is that i 100% honestly believe if she had switched places w/lucretia she would have done something similar and thats why she forgives lucretia so fast bc she understands the choice lucretia made. she would have executed it differently to be sure but like. same principle

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: interactions…… with lucretia….. more of them i am so starved ever since griffin said he wished we saw more of their friendship i have been in a pit of despair. give it to me

the rest are under a cut bc Long

TAAKO:

How I feel about this character: fucking superb you funky little wizard

All the people I ship romantically with this character: tbh mostly just kravitz. there are other ships im not against but honestly most other ships just sort of feel like….. like ppl just feel the need to ship taako w/every man to walk the earth and im over it, especially w/ppl he barely speaks to or to whom other members of the thb have better relationship dynamics

My non-romantic OTP for this character: ren!!!!!!! also davenport i feel like especially post canon they’re really close friends. also hurley.

My unpopular opinion about this character: i DONT understand shipping him with sazed and i never have. for a long time i was CONVINCED there was going to be some brief mention of him being an ex or them being involved or even just of the relationship dyanmic being complicated or having a power imbalance favouring sazed or SOMETHING but literally all that happened was sazed got jealous and tried to poison taako. and like. idk was that backstory of watching 40 ppl die not traumatic enough for people? did we also need to add in that sazed was an abusive boyfriend? stop writing gay ppl suffering for entertainment

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i fucking lie awake at night thinking about what would have happened if taako fell under the thrall of the gaia sash and magnus and taako had to help him and hurley and sloane came back right away as dryads and joined the team. it haunts me. he failed that will save and i wanted CONSEQUENCES. also b4 anyone is like “they’re immune” prove it.

MAGNUS

How I feel about this character: Projection Central tbh like……. travis and magnus both are like uncanny valley like me. like so much like me that it is sometimes deeply uncomfortable. anyway i love magnus

All the people I ship romantically with this character: julia obvs and also avi like… me and 4 other ppl for that one

My non-romantic OTP for this character: lucretia like…. team human. also 100% magnus lucretia and lup are the dream team in every single way they are great friends and they compliment each other really well change my mind

My unpopular opinion about this character: honestly. i think he should have taken the chalice like first of all it would have been dope for gameplay second of all i think every day about the way that would have affected his character

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: kravitz sidequest in suffering game like is arms outstretched cool? yes. do you know what would have been cooler? a fucking sidequest through the astral plane. we are denied plot points because magnus refuses to die…. unbelievable. also i wish we got to see more of him post canon like bc his finale was when he died we missed out

MERLE:

How I feel about this character: dilf

All the people I ship romantically with this character: davenport and like. kind of john i guess but not as much

My non-romantic OTP for this character: probably lucretia also…… its important to me that lucretia has friends. also like. i think post canon merle is one of the first people to forgive her and hes most like he was during tsc with obviously more growth and so they get along like old friends the quickest and the most. honestly i really do think merle is charming in a very specific merle way and he gets along with so many people so its like. honestly everyone. the man tried to be friends with the hunger like the compassion……. the care for other ppl… the commitment to joy…… i fucking love merle

My unpopular opinion about this character: DILF. THE TAZ FANDOM IS AFRAID OF THE TRUTH BUT IM NOT

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i always thought it was a weird choice to bring up merle’s arm during the chalice because it was played so much as a joke metatextually that it felt out of place next to the other two. especially knowing merle has backstory fodder too. i dont remember if they’d gotten to it yet. anyway i wish either they’d taken the arm thing more seriously the whole time or his option at the chalice was something else, i think the scene would have been more balanced. maybe it just felt out of place to deal with something we saw in game tho because the other two were backstory hooks. who knows.

then again griffin also brought up phandalin and they NEVER cared about that like it was always a joke so think partially it was griffin being like “CARE THESE ARE VERY SERIOUS THINGS THAT HAPPENED” so i guess thats fine. idk where im going with this.

#this is so fucking long im so sorry for ppl scrolling past i love hearing myself talk #anonymous #answered #abuse ment /#sorry forgot 2 tag

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luobingmeis · 5 years

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Im trying to think of questions bc i love these children but i cant so just. Yell about them? What are they like when theyre in fantasy higj school? What are their friends like? Do carey and killian slay at the pta meetings? Do they go to taakos school? What shenanigans do they get away with? What shenanigans DONT they get away with? This is all important information

i somehow forgot to mention this in the original post but johann, a dragonborn, is super purple and, despite being small as a baby/kid, he grows up to be, like, six and a half feet tall. noelle, an orc, was the taller of the two until johann was in his teens (he’s two years older than noelle) but she’s still over six feet tall and an absolute powerhouse

they all tower over carey and it’s not even like carey is incredibly short (i picture her at, like, 5′7), she’s just in a house full of giants

it’s obvious, as the kiddos get older, to see which of their family members had more of an influence on them than others (besides carey and killian bc both moms can be seen in the kids). johann is good at things “accidentally” ending up in his room (or his pockets). noelle loves to garden and seems to have a bit of an affinity for it. johann, despite not always gearing towards academia, loves to write. noelle can wield an axe with the best of them. davenport actually helped out with teaching johann how to drive (wagons, obvi, and totally not fantasy cars), and eventually taught him how to captain a boat, too. barry lets noelle in on all his scientific studies and he even shows her some of his necromantic studying, though that’s their little secret from kravitz.

also there’s def more little ways of seeing all the birds +co. in the kiddos, this is just 1) the first time i’m actually able to develop these kids outside of my own head, and 2) this is currently just me rattling off whatever i can think of rn

they’re both kinda jocks in fantasy high school, and then noelle also falls into the nerd category while johann is, like, a three-way cross between jock/prep/goth. also noelle is absolutely the one studying for exams while running on a treadmil

i don’t have a huge mental spreadsheet on their friends, but i can def say that the sweet flips household is practically a second home to all of their friends!!! as the kids get older, it’s common for at least one friend to always be sleeping over bc their house just radiates warmth and love.

johann does have a serious boyfriend when he’s 17 (and older) though!!! he’s a gnome and, okay, originally this was a normal dnd oc for me and i was making fun of my own shitty naming conventions so i just said that his name was “guy” but let’s just say, in this fiction, “guy” is short for something ajksjkdjkf. but yeah he’s a gnome and his class is barbarian and he can wield a huge axe (beefy gnome) and, again, still developing a lot of this fiction i’ve made in my head, but the way i kinda see johann and guy working out is that, like, they’re both pretty Up There people and super loud and bold and, to make a reference, very “rushing in” type of people? guy in a more “magnus” way, and johann in a very “holy shit i didn’t think this through but now it’s too late to bail” way. but, together? they almost calm each other down and they’re quiet and peaceful with each other and, it’s not that they tire each other out or bore each other, but it’s more so the fact that they don’t feel the need to be all “out there” most of the time. and for johann, guy kinda gives him the chance to actually just relax? like, he was a super shy kid, and while he did “grow out of it,” he sometimes feels that introversion again so, instead of overcompensating and forcing himself to be super uppity, guy lets him just relax.

the entire family loves guy but he was absolutely terrified to meet all of them because “johann i don’t know how else to tell you this, but it’s kinda intimidating when your boyfriend’s family consists of the most important people in the world”

**the boyfriend’s name is so subject to change, i’m just shit at naming

oh they absolutely dominate the pta. carey is more so the mom who brings stuff in for, like, bake sales and shit like that (with the help of taako and lup because “guys you don’t understand, i need to be better than helen or else i will never hear the end of it”). they’re both the super intimidating parents when people mess with their kids. carey more so on the “i can rob you blind and you would have no evidence to prove it” spectrum. killian on the “i have very big arms and an even bigger crossbow but, oh yeah, do that again” spectrum

johann goes to taako’s school (which taako loves bc johann thinks the dueling is hysterical and he’s actually a pretty good student and also ren is one of johann’s favorite teachers/administrators). noelle goes to lucas’s school and taako will forever be offended

taako, every time he sees noelle after she enrolls: betrayed by my own flesh and blood

noelle: uncle taako, lucas’s school just had the program i-

taako: i am DONE with all of your EXCUSES

later on, though, taako ends up having a two hour chat with the both of them, asking them how school is going and if they need any help

taako is a softie for these kids but he also has a reputation to uphold

shenanigans they do get away with: lup teaching johann and noelle minor evocation spells (like firebolt and dancing lights), letting tres horny boys + sloane and hurley take them for a safe ride in a battle wagon, they once somehow convened with the raven queen and istus and pan and to this day no one knows how but no one ever said that they couldn’t do it, sneaking out (because both killian and carey know when they’re sneaking out, since carey is super rogue and killian was used to sneaking herself and her sisters out when they were younger)

shenanigans they absolutely do not get away with: barry showing noelle a bunch of necromantic ritual circles, davenport letting johann captain a boat when he’s ten, johann illusioning a door and “come get y’alls juice”-ing noelle, noelle supplexing johann across the house, lup teaching them firebolt, johann hotwiring a battlewagon and noelle driving the both of them an hour out of the city to go see a show (“you two could have asked for permission. we would have said yes.” “yeah but where’s the teenage rebellion in that.”)

tbh i’m an only child so i never know how my sibling dynamic stuff comes across, but i try pulling from the dynamic i have with my two cousins (who are basically like my older and younger brothers) and also i just really dig siblings being best friends, like, maybe that’s the “i kinda really wish i had siblings” thing in me but akjsjkdkjfkj

i thought up team sweet flips’ kids and im low key taking questions abt them

#my ocs #team sweet flips #answered #headcanons #fandomsnstuff #the sweet flips kids

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rewrentless · 5 years

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Taz Balance Quotes

I have no idea how long ive been working on this, between 2 and 7 months but finally ive made a list of memorable quotes /quotes that made me chuckle

-Any you driads down to clown

-That was my grandfathers haunch

-Everyone needs a barry bluejeans!

-You shouldnt had your dog jump up my ass! I dont think my dog could fit in an ass! You havent seen this ass

-Eat me barry

-If you were making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and you dropped some jelly on the counter are you gonna take a knife and just start cutting at it you dumb son of a bitch??

-she thinks my tractors sexy and i think im no longer welcome here

-hello hello welcome to my caev

-abraca fuck you

-hey you calm the fuck down sir theres no yelling at fantasy Costco!

-its like a bag of holding but for ass

-merle i can see 3/4 to 4/5 of your entire butt

-the railsplitter passes through the tree like a baseball bat passing through a ghost

-youve solved my shrek puzzle

-a witch kissed me and cursed me so that anytime anybody yells a secret word i have to attend to their every need and that word is my fucking name jenkins

-infinite bean!!!

-i got a murder wall in my brain!

-time-pon! The time travelling tampon!

-lord steven q fletcher esquire the goldfish the third

-'yeah he really beat me in a test of wits and wagers' and winks at taako over and over just winking

- hey baby i love your tendrils

-i got here a few minutes ago and i can not take my eyes off you i looked at you across the square 60 feet away and i said do not be chopping on this baby

-you and the box both drink poison and you survive but the box has died. With that the box pops open

-does everyone get that i have an elevator fetish at this point?

-griffen we gotta fight some weeds at floor 20!

-my names not jerry its ... jerrieeeeee

-but listen guys now i gotta take a poop, you know like a poop like a real emergent poop

-'your name ... of course ... is... taako. Sike thats just mine say my name!' i cast magic missile

-so youre sayin we eat him

-youre all beautiful butterflake snowflies

-im actually a mongoose meow

-and inside the envelopes there is 200 gold pieces ‘thanks for these shitty jangly envelopes’

-i hand her a coupon for one free backrub

-magnus this is the nightmare scenario

-hot diggity shit that is a baller cookie

-i made you guys chairs for your new digs and if you lift up the cushion it doubles as an indoor toilet

-davenport read the room!

-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm davenport

-i start to very subtly and very easily cry

-last time i was in an elevator vines tried to eat my dick

-the late merle highchurch rolled a 5

-’youre a god!’ I definately am

-youre not stupid youre beautiful

-its kinda ridiculous how many pies we got our toes in

-your mother would swaddle you young taako baby taako and just sing to you oh shit sweet flip oh dip sweet flip my little nugget

-god liiiieed to me

-magnus can kiss my kenny chesney tattoo

-you found her?!

-hey thug whats your name im about to tentacle your dick?

-if travis cant move his legs then i shall create his legs!

-im just an elevator climb on in ma belly!

-press ma buttons from inside a me

-if you wanted to lure me in there you shoulda stayed handsome ma fella

-'i tap it with the gluttons fork and i swallow it' 'what the f uck'

-ive got to switch between different accents to trick my prey

-when that day comes little man oh when that day comes i will summon whatever powers i still have at my disposal that you have not sipphoned away from me and i will take all of my canny and all of my cunning and all arcanas still within my reach and i will use it to strike you down little man

-dungeons and dragons and daddies

-fantasy shorts fantasy shorts fantasy shorts fantasy shorts!

-i cast zone of truth!

-junebug

-this chair smells like grandmas

-this scene is memorable to you now but in the moment you werent thinking im going to remember everything about this moment

-inifate bag of boys

-if it had flesh then it would be a bag of skin full of fucking goo

-"how do you not have a six it comes with every board game?" "My daughter..." "eats them for power??"

-because in wonderland... there is no healing (shit eating grin)

-liches get stitches

-son of a lich

-you built the fucking door out of wood shit wood

-bad luck

-ill be having my body back you undead fuck

-sturdy. denim. and blue

-i have updated my list of people i trust and things i believe to no one and nothing

-those are the arms that have held my wife

-i cant fight i cant protect i cant do anything in this body

- i saw seven birds

-the twins, the lover, the protecter, the lonely journal keeper, the peacemaker and the wordless one

-i dont know but i feel like i trust you

-dont let them erase me magnus

-how could you forget lup

-nerd alert!

-greg grimaldis you owe me $15 and i aim to collect

-i have to believe that im gonna get those $15 back from greg fucking grimaldis

-the one thing we do have is the thing that people in love rarely ever have enough of and its time

-I dont know about in love its only been... 21 years

-are you my friend?

-what brings me joy is... life. I think you can find joy anywhere in life i thibk its a concious choice i think you choose joy in life and no matter how bad things are no matter how crummy no matter how dark no matter how many times some guy named john kills your ass you find joy. I’ve found joy, honest to God, getting to know you. I’ve found joy playing chess with you. I have enjoyed - i haven’ t enjoyed you know, getting my ass killed, but i find joy in whatever I do. I don’t always do things right, and I don’t always do things smart, and I don’t always do a character voice, but whatever i do, i find joy in it. Because at the end of the day, that’s all you got. It’s looking back on the joy you had, and the joy you found, and the joy you gave other people

-soon you will call us ascendent

-kiss my ass you sanctimonious bastard

-huh. I feel sad

-its not perfect but its the best i can do

-our capacity for love increases with each person we cross paths with throughout our lives and with each moment we spend with those people but too often we neglect that part of ourselves in favour of others and by the time we realize just how importnat it is we find ourselves with fewer folks around to practice with but the seven of you have something that nobody else ever had time all the time in the world time enough to grow indescribely close time enough to learn how to care for each other how to allow yourselves to be caref for and in the case of barry and lup time enough to fall deeply and truely in love

-there was romance in every measure and longing in every note

-have we not earned a little wrath?

-i made it

-you are my heart you know that right?

-sometimes there arent right decisions sometimes theres just decisions

-when someone leaves your life those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying others are abrupt and unfair but most are just unremarkable, unintentional clumsy

-back soon

-who?

-taako kill me

-you fucking took everything from me

-understand this, i have nothing and i don’t give a shit. The world is ending and i don’t care

-phantasmal and resplendent

-youre dating the grim reaper?!

-ill take one taco with extra destiny

-i tell the trees when to shed their leaves and i make every piece of fruit taste the way that it tastes and i taught every blade of grass in the ground where to grow did you really think i had forgotten about you?

-im not your pan but you will always be my merle

-i run over and im already kissing him this is ridiculous

-I want to warm up my face i dont want it to be cold and weird

-whats up ghostrider

-i met god no big deal

-lets save the world and 420 blaze it

-hear that babe? We’re legends

-youre going to have to fight and… youre gonna win!

-you hear it now too dont you? The song is now yours, just as the story has always been yours and with this final piece your understanding of these impossible events is complete. Like i said before, youre ready now, darkness surrounds you but be not afraid, after all youre going to win, we know that much but that is the limit of my knowledge. Youre all caught up now, whatever happens next, well, we’ll just have to find out together

-you boys know the best of the fantasy costo? Free samples

-we won

-youre going to be amazing

-it takes time as all difficult and important things do, for the world to recover from what was done to it that day. But it does recover, and not just that, it thrives.

-im about to smooch your fucking brains out babe

-one small criticism, i think you may have forgotten to make it taste good

-‘youre kinda full of dog shit sometimes’ thats what it was i forgot i did include dog shit

-i should mention my boyfriend is death

-if you will all excuse me i have… to shit

-i tried to make you proud

-we see you one last time as magnus rushes in

-even happier days were to come, because that was the world that you made, that was the ending you earned

#taz #taz balance #taz quotes #taako taaco #magnus burnsides #merle highchurch #lup taaco #barry bluejeans #lucretia #davenport

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quest-draws · 7 years

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Excerpt from The Story of the Seven: Reconstructed, an archival initiative seeking to recreate Madame Lucretia’s original notes with as much accuracy as possible. The following has been compiled by comparing post-Story accounts from dozens of dedicated chroniclers, with oversight from Madame Lucretia and the available members of the Starblaster’s crew.

Excerpt begins

Cycle 36, day 6

We’ve finally found a sign of civilization, as well as plausible evidence that we are all blind idiots. As we flew over yet more icy foothills, Merle (Of all of us!) noticed that one of the mounds appeared to be smoking. Under more careful examination we realized that these ‘foothills’ were actually snowed-covered buildings, meaning it is quite likely the other foothills we’ve seen the past few days were also actually buildings.

We, the best and brightest of our deceased world, saviors of multiple realities, the last and only line of defense against the relentless malevolence of the Hunger, wasted nearly a week looking for signs of life when there were entire cities directly under our hull. At the risk of sounding pessimistic, I think this world may be fucked.

Now that we’ve realized our mistake, Captain wants us to backtrack and see if we can find a settlement closer to Lup and Barry’s original prediction of the Lights trajectory. However, Lup’s trying to convince him that we should do some reconnaissance in this village first.

LT: Look, there’s no point going backwards in this fuckin’ blizzard if we can just-

CD: -We are way, way off, the- they’re your calculations? Do you-

BB: [crosstalk] They’re our calculations, Lu

LT: [crosstalk] I know.

TT: [crosstalk] You calculated ‘em. calc-calculated the shit outta-

[LT puts up a hand to silence the others]

LT: Look I’m not dunking on my calculations, cause they’re tight as shit, ‘natch; outside looks like someone put a flock of doves through a woodchipper. You wanna fly through that?

CD: [crosstalk] I’m not-

MB: [crosstalk] Gross?

LT: [crosstalk] Been flying six days straight, you wanna keep, keep flyin’-

CD: I don’t wanna fly through the scenario you just made me visualize, no. This is just snow.

[MB raises his hand kind of awkwardly. Mags, c’mon, you’re not 12]

MB: Uuum, Cap’nport? No offense but you look kinda beat, are you sure?

CD: Wh- excuse me. Are you questioning my piloting abilities, Magnus?

MB: [crosstalk] ‘Course not, just-

CD: [crosstalk] I’ve flown us through, through literal eldritch death pillars -

MH: [crosstalk] ...do look a little tired -

MB: I know!

[captain gets out of the pilots seat, oh dear]

CD: What was that? Merle?

LT: It’s been nearly a week, Captain. You haven’t slept.

CD: Neither have you!

LT: Yeah, and I’m pissed about it!

BB: look everyone’s a little frazzled-

MH: I’m fine.

BB: [crosstalk] Merle, oh my-

LT: [crosstalk] Merle!

TT: [crosstalk] Hahaha holy fuck Merle! Not the time?

CD: You know what, okay, fine! Okay, we’ll vote. Let’s vote. Who thinks we should go down there?

[Lup, Mag LT, MB, and BB all put up their hands]

CD: All right, and who says we should turn back?

[CD, TT, and MH put up their hands]

CD: Lucretia.

TT: Lu- Baby-Lu, fuckin’ put dowait I forgot to put myhandupfuck

LC: I’m not answering to that, but I do thin k

[TT attepts to take my fuckin

Taako tried to take my journal, and while I understand his intentions it’s imperi

BABY LU NEEDS TO STOP WRITING OUR CONVERSATIONS IN REAL TIME AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORLD AROUND HER

BABY LU WILL GET HER JOURNAL BACK WHEN THE GROWN UPS DECIDE WHAT WERE DOING IN THIS FROZEN FUCKING HELLSCAPE

After my journal was so rudely stolen, we decided that it would be best to have some of the crew investigate the settlement while the others got some rest. Captain landed the Starblaster just out of sight (not far with the weather) and Lup, Magnus and I made our way into town on foot. We were ushered into the smoking building Merle first noticed almost as soon as we were in sight of it. It’s apparently some sort of tavern/town hall, with one long, open room punctuated by tables and some truly massive support beams.

Chiana, the innkeeper (or possibly Mayor? Chief? They are definitely some measure of authority figure) was quite unsettled by our sudden appearance. It’s apparently unusual for people to travel between communities at this time of year, especially in the middle of the night (which it apparently is. We seriously lost track of time with the storm blocking out the suns). They’ve insisted on putting us up until the storm settles some. We have of course accepted, but we decided that it might be best not to mention our true intentions here. They were spooked just by us appearing in a blizzard, we don’t need to bring up the rest of it. We notified Capn’port that we’ll be staying a few days to gather info, and since then Lup and Magnus have been having quite the time chatting with the assorted patrons/guests.

This really is quite a spectacular building. The ceiling is only about 7 ft. high (Lup and Mags can both touch the ceiling), but it’s so wide and long it doesn’t feel cramped. It’s hard to estimate how large it is exactly; the hall is a patchwork of additions, none of which quite match up. Here an extra nook were the hall was widened, there a slight indent were an old support must have collapsed. Wood flooring giving way to tile, tile being overtaken by carpet, and then carpet receding back to wood again. The support beams are the only consistent element, solid blocks of wood punctuating the room at even intervals.

But the room’s really dominated by the kitchens and the dance floor. The kitchens are spaced along the northern wall about 50 ft. from one another, one in each corner and the last right in the center. The latter is the only one operational at the moment, and Chiana’s not making anything more complicated than some mulled cider (which, for the sake of accurate chronicling, I must say is delicious). I thought at first the stove here was heating the hall, and while it’s fairly large on closer inspection that doesn’t seem plausibe. It’s far too warm, even in the farther corners. I suppose the surrounding snow might provide some insulation?

Besides that, there’s a raised dance platform in the center of the hall, in front of the middle kitchen. Lup’s dragged Magnus and a two middle aged women onto it, though there isn’t any music at this hour. She's currently waving at me to come join them. I’ve been nursing the drink Chianna gave me so I’d have an excuse to stay seated, but I think I’d better relent before Lup tries to physically drag me up there. They’re really acting silly tonight, but I suppose we all needed to blow off some steam.

Alright. Okay. I probably should have noticed this when I first started drinking, but the alcohol here seems to be quite a bit stronger then I’m used too? Or what Lup and Magnus are used too. I didn’t notice until I went out on the dance floor and I kind of tripped but at first I thought that was just me being clumsy or tired, but then when I started actually dancing it was worse like, I’m usually a good dancer. And Lup was acting especially silly and so was magnus, even though he should have a better constitution than us because he’s not a squishy wizard he’s a beefcake. Lup said that.

Fuck okay I am definitely a little tipsy here I should stop writing. But I was going to write somethig down it was important? we were dancing, and then I was stumbling and I said like Lup I feel kinda tipsy but I only had one drink and she said Aaaaaww ‘Creesha, you are suuuuuuuuuch a lightweight lol but then she fell over and Magnus laughed and one of the ladies we were dancing with asked how much she’d had and shed had three, which made them laugh because apparently threes a lot here. And then we all sat down for a bit and we were talking about travelling and it was kind bullshit because we are trying to blend but we mentioned THE LIGHT THAT

THAT WAS IT LIGHT LIGT light the light what was that aaaaah what was OH MY GOD I CAN’T REMEMBER THE REST FUCK I [[handwriting becomes illegible]]

okay okay I went back to talk again and I had a few more drinks because chiana gave me more drinks they are actually super sweet i mean chianna. Chianas super sweet. They actualysaw the light when it landed sorta they saw a flash through the storm but not in the direction we came. Lup’s been trying to redo her calculations on some napkins she thinks the blizzard had something to do with it but shes still really smashed I dont think now a good time for math Lup

Lucretia darling are you gonna nag me or are you gonna oh my god I dont know how to spell half those words Lup Im a fucking drunk journalist dont pull the fucking jargon out on me

Barry please tell me what Lups saying in words drunk journalist understands

A drunk? Lucretia? Whats going on?

Lup: Baaaaaarrry holy shit did you remember to to do the thing for the storm

BB: Lup? Lup you’re- Lucretia give your stone to Lup I can hardly understand her

LT: hiiiiiiiiiiiii barold, hiiiiiiiii, we fucked uuuuuup

BB: oh wow youre super smashed

LT we fucked up Barry! we didnt-interference! the storm created interference and we fucked up the direction and

BB Lup that doesn’t make anysense? our equipment relies mostly on magical energy unless the storm has arcane origins

LT: oh hey, MORRISON DOES THE STORM HAVE ARCANE ORIGINS?

Morison: MS: (shes one of the dancing ladies) I dunno where arcane is but the storms local. amma constein cursed the whole country side bout 20 years ago after liddy halloway dumped her

SEE BARRY

BB: okay yeah that would definitely throw off our readings but its not like we could have known that beforehand. I mean we know now, so I suppose its a good thing you guys went down there even if you also got fucking wasted, for some reason

?: whose fucking wasted (oh its taako

TT: heeeey chucklefucks whats this about you getting crunk on your uuuuh super important potentially, world saving info gathering mission?

MB taako taaaaaakoooooooo booze is super cool down here? I had a bunch

TT: eh yup I could guess

MB: but not like a super bunch? A little bunch. Its suuuuper strong its great

TT hahaha oh. oh you are so lucky cap’nports asleep. What about you, baby lu? tell me-tell me you, at least are treating this mission with the uh, gravity and maturity it fucking-fucking nesessitates fuck you taako im 58

TT whelp haha BB please just give m emy stone back

im 5 fucking 8!!! Im not a baby godamnit. Im a grown ass women ill get as crunk as I fuckin wanna on this sweet ass booze and you cant have any taako you bitch hahahahha oh my god lucy someone please tell me shes still writing this down I nee

taakos a jackass im a grown fucking ass women an he wasnt even really a hundred when he joined cause hes a LIAR and A JERK comparatively in terms of relativ ageing im more an adult then him but he still calls me baby lu he could call me lucy or creesh like Lup calls me that i love her she? so nice Lup brought me another drink and we danced more but not well cause everthings floaty and I lay down so my head wouldnt float to high the ceilings still really low Lup lay down with e and magnus came in he was screaming cause he went out in the snow he was trying to do the dip thing were you go in a hot spring right after but theres no spring only cold magnus. everythigs only cold magnus why do you do this to yourself?magnus. chiana is making him sit by the stove in the kitchen and they wont give us any more drinks i told them i was 58 and also an alien but that didnt convince them which is probably fair. they dont know. taako knows he has no excuse

chianna gave us a room and its really dark its in the basement it super warm I think there actually is a hot spring but like underneath sorry mags that probablywhat you were thinking but still. super dumb. god Im gonna be so bad in the morning. the storms clearing up a little so well probably go then I hope captains not mad Im not sure he knows but we proly found the light so he cant be too mad. I need sleep. I need to sleep. good night journal Ill miss you love Lucretia

Cycle 36, day 7

Firstly, I am never drinking again. Ever. Secondly, as soon as I get back to the ship, I am burning these pages. Posterity is not worth this level of embarrassment.

Cycle 36, day 8

Lup, Magnus and I had some trouble getting back. Though we weren’t nearly as intoxicated as the previous night, we weren’t precisely sober either. Between Magnus stopping to puke every five minutes, Lup’s persisting lack of balance, my truly excruciating headache, and all the motherfucking, goddamned snow, we nearly got lost on the mile-long hike back to the ship. The others had a field day teasing us, and I can’t even be mad at them for it. Looking over my own notes is literally, viscerally painful. To reiterate: I am never. Drinking. Again.

I am not going to destroy those pages, however. It’s the only written account I have of what Chiana and the others told us about the Light, and it would be irresponsible to get rid of them before we’ve properly found it. Besides, Lup and Taako both practically begged me to keep it in. I don’t understand why Lup want’s this reminder of our idiocy to remain in tact, but damn she is hard to argue with. She’s also tried to insist that “baby-Lu” is a compliment, but won’t explain how so. I take back all the nice things drunk me said about her.

Maybe later I’ll go back and just stick a summary were those pages are, but for the mean time they’ll have to stay.

I spent most of yesterday just resting, once we got back. I don’t think I honestly realized how tired I was until then. It’s only been 8 days since the last apocalypse, most of which we spent searching, frantic and blind in a literally cursed blizzard. Much as I hate to say it, I may need to take Taako’s advice and stop chronicling in real time. Just for a bit. I’ll pick it up again when we find the Light.

Time to go save another world.

End of excerpt.

[editors note: Can I just formally request that, should we ever see Fisher and Junior again, I be permitted to feed these pages to them, in hopes that they might be erased permanently this time? Please?

- LC ]

[editors note: Madame Lucretia’s request is noted and denied.

- TT ]

#lucretia #madame director #taz #taz balance #lup taako #Taako Taaco #davenport #magnus burnsides #barry blujeans #merle highchurch #ipre crew #adventure zone fic #The Adventure Zone #i wrote a fic for once!!#I have no idea if it's good!#but also if you read this i need you to please imagine #the staff of the bob having their elegant regal directors drunken rant #about taakos stupid nickname for her #injected directly into their brains

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roguejeans · 4 years

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mems / general info

just a post to collect general facts / mems abt kin stuff for easy perusal!

first and foremost, i had 2 timelines, which does make things a bit confusing because i’m not always 100% sure what memories are from what. i haven’t sorted them by timeline because i’m not 100% what goes where--when i’m more sure, i’ll do that, but for the time being, if some stuff seems familiar but some doesn’t, don’t let that dissuade you, necessarily!

i also only kinfirmed about a month ago, so i’m still sorting all this stuff out (even though i’ve had memories for years; for a long time i just had a big “? - taz balance” on my kin list)

i’m not going to sort these by timeline for that reason; i think my timelines were maybe at least mostly similar & i’ll sort out how they differ later on. the only reason i know i have 2 is because i have 2 conflicting memories involving something specific

i currently have aphantasia, which makes visualizing things extremely difficult (& actually painful, at least in my case; i don’t know if that’s normal but it’s how it is for me); a lot of my more ‘visual’ memories are more feelings because of that

i’ve had success triggering full on visual kin memories during lucid dreams in the past, but i haven’t been able to do this with either of my barry timelines yet. otherwise, my memories are usually based on other senses

i don’t think i had a mullet, or at the very least i didn’t have one as intense as the one in the graphic novel if nothing else. i dont think i looked too much like i do in the graphic novel ... it doesnt feel right

i became pretty close with kravitz post canon! some fanwork likes to portray us as just being coworkers or acquaintances; that was not the case here. we became really really good friends and brothers, more or less. i called him one of my best friends (of which i did, admittedly, have many, but it still counts!)

i was a trans man in at least one of my timelines, but it also wasn’t a huge deal? i’m pretty certain i transitioned fairly early on in life (magic probably helped a lot there), and/or it was a world where it wasn’t a big deal in general. i don’t currently have any memories of talking about it in depth to the crew; i guess it’s genuinely possible they may not have known?

i actually had a pretty good relationship with the raven queen--we weren’t quite as close as she was with kravitz (i think that would take a lot of doing) but she did eventually mean a lot to me too. same with lup, i’m pretty sure

i did forgive lucretia, but it wasn’t as easy as lup made it seem. i don’t know. it was a lot of ... steps forward and back almost, for a little while. in the moment it seemed so easy for lup, to just tell lucretia the whole thing was forgotten, and i wanted to support her, but it was so hard--when she’d sought me ought and vilified me for a decade, taken everyone away from me and left me alone like that. but lucretia was also my sister, and i couldn’t forget that, either. it took me a few months, but i forgave her, even if it took a little doing and it wasn’t totally smooth. lup helped a lot. (i miss you, luce. i forgive you, if you’ve forgotten in this life and needed to hear it again.)

in one of my canons i feel like lup & i got married AFTER the day of story & song? it may have been like. a second wedding situation -- after all, an actual Full On wedding on the starblaster wasnt exactly an option anyway really? so we could have already gotten married really privately somehow? -- but i feel like i remember... an actual bigger Event happening post taz finale. hmm.

ill update this with more as i think of it

im also more than happy to talk one on one to discuss stuff, including stuff i havent mentioned here!

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archivelikely · 7 years

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@sapphicsapphos lucretia is the only main female character that was as well done as some of these male characters imo (im not including thb cause i know its not fair to compare player characters to npcs)… even then it took like the entire series to give her as much development as what some of these male npcs got after a couple scenes.

as for killian i mean she kind of did, especially in gerblins, but then it got way weaker after carey was introduced. carey was ok too but was just “magnus’s gbf who does cool rogue stuff” and that’s it

also the fact that this big important scientific crew that was the whole endgame (ipre) only had 2 women as opposed to 5 men (to be fair, at least barry and Davenport are also characters that do nothing. but even the way they do nothing is given more agency than the women characters who do nothing. for example Davenport has an actual personality and doing nothing is of his own right. his actions are all his own and hes often shown separate from any other ipre members. contrast this with lup, who does nothing while also only being mentioned alongside barry or taako)

hurley is alright but she didnt do anything outside of being a cop with a girlfriend and sloane was in 2 scenes in all of petals. she only said like 2 lines in the entire arc too and they were both at the very end.

but for me, the biggest problem isnt the amount of exposure/time they got. its not even how little theyre developed because in a series this big i can accept underdeveloped npcs.

my main issue is in the personalities and what type of women are portrayed. you can’t justify the fact that almost every female character fits into two tropes. “competent woman who holds up the idiot men around her” and “dead family member of a more interesting man” (even when these dead women show up theyre still stoic and serious and not as funny or silly as men). there are so many diverse personalities among the male characters, regardless of how plot important they are or how often they show up, so there’s no excuse for the constant repetition of women. the ONLY plot relevant / recurring female character who doesnt fit these tropes is lup (who i think fits the second anyway but she technically doesnt die for good so whatever). i could elaborate on why she is worse than these trope characters but im sure by now we all know my spiel on lup.

cassidy is super great cause shes allowed to be as ridiculous as the men while still being memorable (important to note that she is as silly as men without being a direct copy of a male characters personality *cough*we all know who im talking about here*cough*), but she only shows up twice in 11th hour and once at the finale. i dont expect such a minor npc to show up more, i just mean that its sad that one of the only women to not fit into the exact same box also is a barely important character.

#does this show even pass the bechdel test?#taz spoilers /#toy talk #reply tag #taz cold takes

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altarofistus · 7 years

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it is too late for me to be coherent but a word on this ep:

oh my god. holy FUCKING shit oh my god. i was a little worried that lup and barry falling in love might end up being a little shoehorned because of how pressed for time the stolen century is and how their feelings hadnt really even been mentioned minus taako and barrys convo on the beach planet but that fucking duet. that FUCKING duet did it for me like jesus christ on a cracker lup is a canon trans woman and shes in love with this genuinely good dude who wants to take it slow and make sure shes on board before making a move and she IS and they make something absolutely gorgeous together!!!!! the mentions of them just hanging out and enjoying each others company over the last 60 fucking years to a point where they share this incredibly close bond, along with everyone else on the starblaster crew ofc, but my god, that duet was the tenderest thing ive heard in a while. so often you cant tell characters are supposed to be in love until they kiss or make some dumb dramatic confession and even when it’s a decently written romance, it can feel like going through a checklist and end up ringing hollow but the care and attention griffin pays to building romances in this campaign is honestly incredible. this feels like theyre really honestly good friends before the romance even kicks in and i dont think it feels forced at all. they really just genuinely love each other and want to hold hands and go on mini-adventures and have dinner together pretending theyre working like a couple of lovesick kids and its honestly so fucking good barry’s moniker in the seven birds prophecy is literally “the lover” and to have a grown man whose title is something so soft and emotion-laden and see him respecting the woman hes in love With and not rushing or pushing his feelings onto her because he actually fucking respects her as a person is so refreshing. the tenderness that hes granted by the narrative is so good. and tenderness, all goofs aside, is what this whole narrative is based off and thrives on and rewards over and over again. and god damn it, thinking back on the suffering game and the mix of emotions when barry (its barry, god,) sees the umbra staff and is so viscerally upset that he loses hold on his form because lup would never just leave that thing laying around, and if taako had it and didnt know where it came from and said he found it in the hand of a red-robed skeleton then lup had almost certainly been killed, and with the insight that this episode gave to their relationship. god it physically aches and i hope to god lup can come back to life somehow.

#the stolen century #blupjeans #barry #lup #taz #altar.txt #im SOBBING #happy pride month everybody lup is trans and happy #im rambling like hell ignore if u like but jesus. this means so much to me #balance

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weenie-wizard · 7 years

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id be more open to blupjeans if lups treatment wasnt so misogynistic, shes been fridged for manpain, her feelings towards barry on her own werent considered or even mentioned at all while barry got an entire scene to talk about how in love with her he is, like honestly it griffin didnt just Say it ane expect us to believe it there would be absolutely no reason to think lup had any romantic feelings toward barry and i dont feel comfortable praising this as good representation

Well ya gotta listen to trans girls talking on the issue, people who aren’t trans girls don’t get a goddamn say my pal. If trans women are saying they are enjoying this rep, it’s good rep.

Besides. Lets be 100% real. Representation is important and just having a healthy relationship with a trans women is a great start. Trans women literally get nothing. Just sit down and accept that hating on blupjeans is transmisogynistic. Pretty much every character in this podcast is for manpain. At least let them show the positive aspects of something and paint it in a good light. Barry can talk about how much he loves Lup all he wants. That is still good rep because he is being loving and good to a trans woman. I would love to hear Lup talk more and all, but don’t shit on this good good ship, it’s still positive trans women rep. And I’m always going to listen to the trans women I know in my life over literally anyone else on issues regarding trans women.

TLDR: be mad about the other representations of relationships. I would love to see more of Carey and Killian for example. But don’t you dare shit on Blupjeans because it’s straight. Because that is stinky and nasty and transmisogynistic. Thanks.

Also anybody feel free to add on to my argument. I’m tired of all this bullshit transphobic discourse. (UNLESS your argument is like “maybe theyre bi you dont know! because it doesnt matter if theyre bi or pan or smth, this is a transgender issue and even if they’re both 100% heterosexual, the T in LGBT+ still stands for transgender.)

#blupjeans #taz #discourse #kieran talks #kieran answers #Anonymous

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trainwreckgenerator · 7 years

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re: lupbrella eating the wands of Magicians Banished In Combat! according to the lich pages of the e5 monster manual - WHICH HONESTLY?? GRIFFIN IS SO FAR AWAY FROM IT'S HARDLY EVEN WORTH MENTIONING. BUT. ANYWAY. the mm says "SOUL SACRIFICES. A lich must periodically feed souls to its phylactery to sustain the magic preserving its body and consciousness." OBVIOUSLY that's not Quite Canon (i hardky think barry did any Sacrificing) - Profound Emotion can sustain a taz lich. BUT. fuck ok sorry (1/?)

MAYBE lup's phylactery (the umbrastaff) can use the latent powers of umbrastaffs &??? absorb some sort of Energy from the devoured wands to sustain a Tether to the prime material plane. some energy that might otherwise be provided by emotion or Blood Magic. maybe?? it's not AS MUCH energy as those things could provide - but lup also hasn't MANIFESTED a physical body? so? maybe she wouldn't need as much. maybe the wands would be Enough to keep her Mind and Magic Tethered to the plane?? (2/?)

like MAYBE lup's the force that sucked those wands into the umbrastaff. idk if the umbrastaff has any latent self-manifesting powers??? every Magic we've seen it do without taako (sidling up to him when it's dropped, the Name Blast, the attempt to Deep Fry kravitz, etc.?) are all things that?? a staff probably wouldn't be "programmed" to do. maybe it's lup, all the way down. (3/4)

maybe, because the wand energy was all that stood between her and Actual Real Really Real Death?? she reached out and Consumed them, herself. (4/4)

basically what im saying is lup made the conscious decision to vore wands (5/4 sorry)

i dont even have anything to add here i dont rly think its canon but i am still so absolutely in support of all of this

#taz #the adventure zone #rambles #sorry im posting this late anon i was trying to think of something to say in response but really this is perfect

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duskhaze · 7 years

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thoughts on lucretia

in a lot of the arguments about Lucretia is whether or not shes a good person, and i think its missing the real question of: regardless of her character, did she make a good or bad choice? now, obviously at the point of this post (ep 61) we dont know everything and im sure griffin still has a ton of revelations in store, but from what we know right now i think she has made several terrible choices, at the very least.

we know she didnt agree with splitting up the light of creation but at least she knew the plan and had a voice in it all, because her plan involved (some of this is just plain fact and other is speculation based off of a decent amount of evidence):

making everyone lose over 100 years of memories without their knowledge OR consent. this in particular seemed to fuck up barry, taako, and davenport. lich barry tells his human form that he knows he has a big ache in his chest in this form that his voidfished self cant figure out, taako hears his sisters voice and his heart swells to the point of anguish since he cant recall who this incredibly important voice is. then davenport literally can only remember and say his fucking name yet lucretia chose that.

i also 100 percent think she killed barry that first time or at had a heavy hand in it at the very least. griffin went out of his way to tell us that the first time barry died on this planet he fell out of the fucking sky and was dead before he hit the ground. where else from the sky would he have come from if not their ship?? now what barry may have seen lucretia do/plan is completely up to speculation, but hes so pissed he tries attacking her the first time he sees her after his human form drinks the baby voidfish ichor (and he doesnt learn lup is dead until after the crystal kingdoms arc, so all his anger at lucretia from before that wasnt, at least initially, about lup). not to mention lucretia had the lich holy symbol repellant, and clearly really didnt want specifically barry up there when she couldnt have given less of a shit about the others, and even if barry regained his memories in lich form its not like he could anyone; it wouldve just come out as static. so why was she so desperate to keep barry out? why would she think that barry was so hell-bent on attacking her?

now im less sure about her involvement in lups death, but i think she at least knew about it before taako even found lups body in the chamber. she knows and tells the tres horny boys that lup is dead, which, yeah, she might’ve inferred from seeing taako with lups umbrella, but if she already knew where the gauntlet was before she pulled strings and got them in touch with gundron, then theres no way she didnt know lup was in there. which comes to the biggest question: how did she know?

theres a reason why istus told taako to remember theres always a third option. lucretia even herself says she only had one choice, and i think thats where she failed. she became so blind to any other route but her own that she not only lost sight of her goal, but on the people she considered her family. just consider the irony of it. shes so hell bent on this path in order to protect them and ended up destroying them instead.

#taz #the adventure zone #lucretia #shes so interesting and i have a lot of thoughts on her

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