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Stephen: How petty can you get?
Tony: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.
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Stephen : God, give me patience.
Tony : I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Stephen : If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.
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Tony: Harley, keep an eye on Peter today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Harley: Sure, I’d love to see Peter get punched.
Tony: Try again.
Harley, sighing: I will stop Peter from getting punched.
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Peter: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Harley: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!
Stephen: In that case, we're definitely lost.
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Tony, banging on the door: Peter! Open up!
Peter: Well, it all started when I was a kid...
Harley: No, he meant-
Stephen: Let him finish.
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Tony: Tell Peter about the birds and the bees.
Harley: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.
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Tony: Dear friends, your Christmas gift this year… is me. That’s right, another year of friendship. Your membership has been renewed.
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Tony, threatening Stephen with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!
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Tony: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.
Stephen: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
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Tony: I prevented a murder today.
Stephen: Really? How’d you do that?
Tony: self control.
i’m back and hopefully so are my daily posts
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Store Worker: Would a Dr. Strange please come to the front desk?
Stephen, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: points to Peter and Tony
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
Peter and Tony, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Stephen: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-
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Stephen: Tony... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Tony: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Stephen:
Stephen: I wrote sanitize, Tony.
sorry for no posts in like 4 days 🫥. i was on vacation
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The true enemies to lovers
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[over the phone, 3am.]
Tony, half asleep: hello?
Peter: hello Mr. Stark?
Tony: it's 3am kid, what the do you want?
Peter: actually, i saw this challenge on youtube where they call the devil at 3am so i thought i'd try it myself.
Tony:
Tony: okay now listen here you lil shit-
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Tony: Top 30 reasons why Tony is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!
Stephen: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!
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sorry no post today. it’s my birthday 😁
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Tony: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]
Stephen: What's that?
Tony: Remorse code.
Stephen: I'm even angrier now.
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