shamelessvoidofemotions
shameless void of emotions
clinging to the void // emtpy inside // fill me up // swallow my insanity like pills on a bad day
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I don't know what I'm doing with my life
Or with anybody else's
I feel like I'm on a rocking horse
Trying to compete in a race that nobody told me the rules to
Moving back and forth but never forward
I don't know where I'm going
And since I don't even have a goal
I can't tell if I'm actually moving
Or if it's life that's moving past me
I don't know what I'm doing with my life
Or with anybody else's
All I know is I'm agreeing to terms and conditions
That I didn't even get to read
Not because I didn't try
But because I never learned what the letters mean
And if pretending to got me this far
I can't admit now that I don't know their meaning
I don't know what I'm doing with my life
Or with anybody else's
But I hope I'm doing the right thing even if I know I'm not
Even though I know that I'm not
Even though I'm not
Because if I'm not
None of it has any meaning
And I should just stop doing it altogether
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I saw a face in the mirror
And had the urge to smash it
With mine
Because neither of them
Seemed right
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If the moon smiled, she would resemble you. You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating.
Every night, you break waves of emotions over my head and leave nothing but destruction in your wake. And every night, I feel nothing but bliss to see you come, and nothing but sorrow when you leave; I expect you with open arms, waiting for the next second of bliss wailing in your beauty. The sensation of blitheness is accompanied by the drops of saltwater flowing down my cheeks, dropping from my chin and filling the sea of desolation below me. I am drowning in my euphoria, and I am exhilarated thinking about the moment I take my last breath and my lungs slowly start to fill with liquid despair. At the same time, I feel thrilled, blessed even, that your smile shines upon me and brightens this part of my life. If the moon smiled, she would resemble you.
The same power that is behind her beauty also pulls me to you, in a neverending play of catch and release, pulling me closer and pushing me away, toying with me like pulling the strings of a puppet. Every night, you pull me outside of my walls, start tearing through them with bodies of water, making me watch you destroy the bastion I built to withstand the storm, destroy it like I built it on sand. You destroy it with your mere presence, and I cannot do anything but stand beside you and smile. I am thankful for what you do, can only feel love for you, for your beauty, your smile, your destruction. You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating.
@shamelessvoidofemotions
Review: I love how personal and descriptive this is. You have a unique way of turning a sentence. This was a pleasure to read. Lovely job; keep on writing. <3
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watch me paint myself as the hero with the trauma
watch me wanting pain and begging for a dramatic backstory
wanting a reason to be how i am
broken and bent
and proud
#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#writerscreed#poetry#prose#shamelessvoidofemotions#i don't know#savage words#tw
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If the moon smiled, she would resemble you. You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating.
Every night, you break waves of emotions over my head and leave nothing but destruction in your wake. And every night, I feel nothing but bliss to see you come, and nothing but sorrow when you leave; I expect you with open arms, waiting for the next second of bliss wailing in your beauty. The sensation of blitheness is accompanied by the drops of saltwater flowing down my cheeks, dropping from my chin and filling the sea of desolation below me. I am drowning in my euphoria, and I am exhilarated thinking about the moment I take my last breath and my lungs slowly start to fill with liquid despair. At the same time, I feel thrilled, blessed even, that your smile shines upon me and brightens this part of my life. If the moon smiled, she would resemble you.
The same power that is behind her beauty also pulls me to you, in a neverending play of catch and release, pulling me closer and pushing me away, toying with me like pulling the strings of a puppet. Every night, you pull me outside of my walls, start tearing through them with bodies of water, making me watch you destroy the bastion I built to withstand the storm, destroy it like I built it on sand. You destroy it with your mere presence, and I cannot do anything but stand beside you and smile. I am thankful for what you do, can only feel love for you, for your beauty, your smile, your destruction. You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating.
@shamelessvoidofemotions
Review: I love how personal and descriptive this is. You have a unique way of turning a sentence. This was a pleasure to read. Lovely job; keep on writing. <3
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i haven't slept alone in ages
and my empty skin burns
absent of any warmth
like ember ready to burst into flames
at the slightest movement
agonizing
#spilled ink#spilled thougths#writerscreed#poem#twcpoetry#poetry#spilled poetry#love#savage words#excerpt from a book I'll never write#prose#shamelessvoidofemotions#her
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if i sent some feelings i had the other night, could you write something about them..?
i would do my best to put them onto paper
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Saturday, December 15th, 2:29 am
once again, the voices have won. I cannot remember the last hour or more, and I've just found traces of what I've done. it's like a puzzle game against myself, the price my sanity, and the only way to win was not to play. I can't remember the last time it happened, but in a game against your own memory, that doesn't mean a thing. voices blur, their faces go silent, everyone becomes nothing but a mannequin in the quickly moving slide show of pictures, one polaroid burning up in flames after the other, one memory lost after the other, and I'm franticly trying to save them all, save at least some of them, but every single one I touch falls to a burning dust under my fingers. the voices have a good point, really. giving up means not playing, not playing means it won't be my fault if all of them are gone, if all of them burn up and all that is left is ash, fire and smoke. but there are some I don't want to lose, some that make me, me; some memories that if I lose them, it wouldn't matter any more. I don't know what to do
#if you read this I am so sorry#I really am#for everything#brainless#ramble#spilled ink#spilled thoughts
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Lately, I’ve been living my life for somebody else.
I want to keep living, and live life to the fullest, enjoy it and see the world. I want to make the most of it, to show the world I am still there, still worth taking into consideration. To show that I am a force to be reckoned with, a player to count on, that I matter to the world - and this person. I’ve been getting out of bed for someone else, and I pressed on, but not for myself.
Lately, I’ve been living my life for you.
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@mstandsformoon
1. do you ever want to live alone (without flatmates) for a period of your life?
i’m not sure if i could manage going without proper, daily human interaction for a prolonged time; even though I tend to avoid most people, i still need to be touched, to be talked to from time to time. honestly, i would go crazy within the first few weeks, if not days.
i would need someone to be there, at least every few days, to check on me, to check that i go outside, that i live and not just am.
2. do you think it can ever be a good thing to change for someone else?
if somebody truly wants to change for someone else, i don’t think that is ever a bad thing. there is no difference in changing who you are for your own sake, or for someone you hold dear, because in that moment, it is the right decision for you, and you’re doing it as much for yourself as you do if for anybody else. but really, at some point you’ll started wondering if you’re changing yourself for your benefit or if you’re doing it for the approval of someone else, and what that means about you.
in my personal experience, i want a certain someone to help me figure out who I really want to be, because I know that if that person is happy with who I am, then I don't need anyone else's approval but my own.
3. do you have pets and if so tell me a bit about them
I have a few pets, none of which i have seen in a while because of the distance my studies have brought between me and the place i used to call my home. A cat, a family horse, a few fish... All of them have some sort of illness, but i am hoping to see them again and again, each time i go visit my family. i miss them more than my people, if i’m being honest...
what i miss most about them is the company, the silent understanding that i like to believe we had, the just being around each other for the sake of being around each other, not necessarily to gain any tangible benefit - but then again, who knows.
oh, and my plants. do my plants count? i’ve been talking to them, and i like to think that they understand me. i’m proud of them for growing this quick, this tall, this beautiful.
4. what inspires you to be creative?
music, the sunset, good stories and often boredom, but if i’m really being honest here, its one specific person. they know that they are the one making me go and write lengthy poems, literature, write letters or draw pictures, paintings and do my best to make something i - and that person - can be proud of.
5. what are you most scared of regarding the future?
everything. im scared about failing the studies i chose, scared about the path i took, scared about the few relationships with people that i have... but im scared the most about having no real plan. i don’t know what people do, but everyone seems to - or at least pretends to - have a plan for their life, at least their most immediate future, and i don’t even know if i’m going out of the house today.
people tell me that i found the right study for myself, people tell me i will have a great future doing what i like, but honestly? i don’t have the slightest idea what im doing. ive never really confessed to this, but i chose this study because my friend was interested in it and told me “hey, you like that, right? it’s right up our alley!”, and that was it. Yes, its interesting, but... i have so much that i am interested in, i can’t really tell if this is what i want to do the rest of my life. i can’t tell if i will be satisfied, and especially can’t tell if this will be a success, if i will be able to be on my own, providing for myself and maybe a family... Anyway, i am rambling. to clear it up: the future itself scares me, because it is so uncertain.
6. do you prefer drawing/painting or writing?
Right now, definitely drawing. i have got into a rhythm with participating in inktober, i would go insane if i didn’t do it every day, which is why it is easy for me. i am blackmailing myself into drawing, but i like it.
then again, i never really had a preference, it is simply what works more easily at the time, which is drawing for right now. might change, this blog might be resurrected at some point, filled again with poetry and ramblings, but today, i draw.
7. if you had to choose between reading and watching, what would you choose?
reading. not because i prefer it, i really prefer neither of them, but because i feel like i never really get to read anymore. that is, i never do it. i would love to, but i just don’t, because i haven’t done it in so long, and i would feel incredibly bad picking up the habit of reading again and then seeing how much i’ve missed, how much i lost in the time i didn’t. choosing reading would force me to read again, and i would love to do it, i’m just not strong enough right now.
8. do you think you can choose your own family?
definitely. there is nothing stopping you from making your own family, leaving old bonds behind and in the past, and creating your own future.
9. what is something you wish you had known one year ago?
the answer to the question above. that who i am with is a proper choice, not just a happenstance, that i can choose between people and not be hated by everyone for my choice - even if that sometimes is still a possibility, i now prefer hate over false friendship - and that whatever i do, the people around me are only around me because i let them, because i want them to be.
10. what is your dream destination for a vacation?
i feel like most people would give generic answers like New York, the seaside, a snowy hut or similar things, but for me none of those answers are true - none at all, to be honest, no location in general. for me the dream destination is not dependent on the destination itself, but the dream vacation would be depending on the person that is by my side.
11. what’s one word you associate with me?
affection. appreciation. respect. trust. friendship. passion.
mostly, love.
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could you write a SOMEwhat lengthy poem or expert about being in love, in so much fucking love, with someone and sharing a few years life with them to have to unfortunately leave them because they became no longer healthy for you along with the habit they had picked up.. it’s been months and i still find myself falling asleep the same way as if he were next to me. i don’t know what to do anymore and i know in more time it will get better but for the moment, our life and his eyes still haunt me.
in more time it will get better
the thing that hurts me most is the silence.the complete silence that awaits me when i get home, knowing that there is nobody to share my ups and downs with, nobody to take me into their arms and hold me until things are okay again. the months and years spent together seem lost in a neverending sea of pain and melancholy, and my only boat has a leak flooding me with memories. they are not bad, most of them are happy, but all of them hurt like a hammer crushing my heart, over and over again, trying to shape it into a form that will not repeat the same mistakes. the pain makes it real, keeps me from getting lost in those memories myself, drags me forcefully back into my world and keeps me grounded. the love is still fresh, it never went away, and it won’t ever fade. nothing of it will ever fade, it will stay with me, be a part of me forever. i keep telling myself, it will get better. in more time it will get better, month after month i tell it to myself, hoping i won’t fall asleep thinking about the same memories. it still hurts the same, it still torments me in my sleep, and i wake up thinking im missing someone in my bed. and still, i keep telling myself: in more it will get better.
but it never does
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Poem: It The
~enjoy the silence; learn to levitate in limbo.
The one that, eventually, in looping italic writing.
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I have up days and down days... Sometimes up weeks and down weeks
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I know my sweet seductress
Her name is depression
And she lures me with her silken voice
Into a web of lies
#spilled ink#poetry#spilled poetry#writerscreed#spilled thoughts#savage words#spilled words#writers on tumblr#lit#depression#tw
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Make Me Yours
Make me yours
make me yours
make me yours
make me yours
make me yours
make me yours
and I will never fail you.
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All of us are broken. It’s just a question of how far we are willing to go to fix it.
#spilled ink#quotes#quote#excerpt from a story i’ll never write#excerpt from a book i’ll never write#lit#spilled words
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