selfindulgentfandomstuff
Self Indulgent Fandom Stuff
Ezra, 21, they/he, trans guy, selfshipper, (icon by @/frankenbridez)
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v-a-l-k
You can do it, friends
berryless
berryless
haezly
amélie
zzariyo
your job is far from finished, you know
millennial-star-gazer
Millennial Stargazer(Sarah)
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My brothers’ birthday tomorrow :)
#they are twins so they have the same birthday lol#I cannot believe they are going to be 17 that’s so fucking messed up/hj
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🎫 here's a gush pass ^^ feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other self shippers (optional) !
(if you dont wanna do it thats fine too ✌🏾) -gideongrovel
YAYYY HI GIDEON!!! :D ty for this!! (And tysm for the reassurance that I didn’t HAVE to do this/gen idk sometimes I have the energy for these types of things but sometimes I don’t, tonight I do lol)
OKAY OKAY SO
I kiiinda suck at gushing coherently but uhhh hii gongeous :)))) (/ref)
HES SO PRETTY ITS NOT FAIRRRR ‼️💥‼️‼️💥💥
Also ummm he’s my cutie sweetie handsome guy even though. The um. The killings. (He is a professional hitman)
Also this gif too (below)
Makes me a little (a lot) crazy..
Godddd I need more still screenshots of him tho too but I can’t find any that aren’t incredibly grainy and bad 😭😭😭
It’s okay, the gifs I have are good, I get to see him smile in motion <:)
He’s so silly goofy but also so wildly capable at so many things it’s insane!! Like he’s got this childish sense of whimsy but it’s about killing ppl 😭
And he’s sooo layered. The show alludes to this particular trait of his but they never really capitalized on it bc he’s a side character 💔
But what I mean by that is..
He canonically lies. A lot. One could even argue it’s almost compulsive. Whatever. The point is, he is purposefully deceitful in most of his human interactions. And he does it in a really insidious kind of way that’s just so impressive to watch!!
You’ll hear him tell the main characters something and it sounds perfectly plausible and then like entire seasons later you’ll find out that oh that was a lie too.
And BECAUSE of this particular trait of his, I can make his backstory basically whatever I want with the little information I’m given by the show!!
In the show, he confides in Mac that he killed his abusive father (and encourages Mac to do the same lol)
I choose to take this as one of the few bits of truth he weaves into his deception. It makes sense. And he does do this, weave bits of truth into his ever flowing waterfall of lies, this is canon too.
But like, he’ll lie about stupid meaningless things too. He once lied about being deathly allergic to peanuts to Mac but later made a show of snacking on some in front of him. It’s so dumb but it’s really endearing in a very weird way!!!
I think part of it is I see a lot of myself in him too, so I’m kinda projecting a little?? Like we are very different on the surface level but dig a liiittle deeper and you find two verrrry emotionally repressed people who can’t cope with genuine human feeling to save their lives.
I lack emotional regulation and bc of this I cry over most things (sad, frustrated, embarrassed, etc) and I get deadly mad at the smallest things to the point where I fear I’ll become physically violent.
Murdoc doesn’t deal with his own emotions. He lies about his feelings to other people and he manages to do it to himself too. But he has no problem with taking it out via physical violence.
You understand.
Anyways.. we mirror each other in some key ways and that’s part of why we work so well together I think :)))
SORRY THAT WAS SO LONG TY FOR READING ILYYY/p!!!!
#i love you just a little too much#selfship#selfship asks#asks#@gideongrovel#mutuals#mutual tag#friends#friend tag
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Loving a dead star
I’ve known you for awhile now.
And everyday I learn something new.
About your life, your past, just, you.
You have so much more lived experience than I.
And I have to wonder, what were you like when you still shone bright in the night sky?
Before your light faded, before it died?
Because I know it died.
I don’t know when. Probably years before you met me.
But I’d like to know if you’d let me.
And I know it scares you. You won’t admit it but I know it to be true.
It’s alright, I’d be scared too.
But more importantly, you have to know I’ll always love you.
Even if we peel back all of the layers and your core is as empty and all consuming as a blackhole, I will gladly fall in.
I don’t want to return to reality outside of your gravity. I want to be encompassed by you entirely. So that we become one entity.
Inseparable and indistinguishable from one another.
The lines between you and me will blur with each other.
That’s the funny thing about black holes, the nature of the universe is that the reality outside of a black hole is so vastly different from that of the reality one would perceive near or inside a black hole.
Not unlike the way love distorts our reality in some ways that are truly bizarre.
Especially when you fall in love with a dead star.
#i love you just a little too much#selfship#selfshipping#selfship community#f/o community#f/o#self ship#self shipping#BE SO NICEYS TO ME DONT BE MEAN!!!!#if you don’t like it DONT SAY ANYTHING BE QUIETTTT#/lh but like /gen#sorry this is lame as fuck and it only rhymes sometimes#I don’t know anything abt poetry or song writing or anything so don’t laugh at meee#I just have a lot of thoughts abt trauma that doesn’t leave a hurt inner child that can be healed or whatever#trauma that leaves you hollow#but then the right person in your life can fill that gaping hole in your heart#and reignite your light#ALSO pls don’t rb with your ship tags!! this is kinda a personal poem thingy to me#it’s very much about Murdoc and Emmett sooo#YOURE FREE TO RB IT THO IN GENERAL!! and I encourage it!!!/nf#just. no personal ship tags of yours pls! :)
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Hey guys wanna read my gayass poem drabble writing thingy I made
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large portion of this site has so little self awareness theyve just reinvented "i cant be racist im gay"
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I kinda want to draw some stuff with the song lyrics that particularly make me think of Emmett and Murdoc but idk if anyone would care LOL
Sorry for being addicted to external validation do you still like me (<- searching for more external validation in the form of this question) ?? (/lh)
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Quick like my last post before I get scared and delete it !! /hj/nf
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Ummmm loose Heathers inspired AU mostly based on the soundtrack bc I love it sm idc
Emmdoc if they were tragic >:))
No but seriously I have an embarrassing amount of lore cooked up for this AU so under the cut (along with the initial sketch)
Okay so this AU is only loosely based off of Heathers and I don’t really have roles assigned to most of the other canon MacGyver characters as of now so bear with me here-
ALRIGHT SO Murdoc has JD’s role, obviously but his backstory is a bit different. Murdoc had killed his dad recently and he and his mother decided to move to another state and for Murdoc another school before anyone caught on to the missing father.
At this new school, Emmett (with Veronica’s role) known to most students as Emma, is just getting started with being assimilated into the Heathers clique (in this AU the Heathers have no canon character counterparts from MacGyver, just roll with it lol). Emmett is a closeted trans guy. Only his best friend Mac knows about his real gender identity. And Murdoc will eventually too.
For Emmett, the Heathers lifestyle is kinda fun at first but quickly grows hellish for the same reasons as in the musicals canon but also bc it’s toxic femininity set to full 100% power with the Heathers.
All the while, events similar to the musicals canon are transpiring and eventually, during the part when JD dies, in THIS au, Emmett ultimately is able to stop Murdoc from killing himself. The two have a rocky relationship for the last couple of months of high school but eventually fall for each other all over again after reuniting at the same university.
And they live happily ever after so just kidding about the tragic part LOL
SORRY ik this is lame but I’m a little brainrotted abt the soundtrack rn it’s running through my brain on repeat at the moment 😭
#i love you just a little too much#tw heathers#heathers au#tw suicide mention#lemme know if anyone needs this tagged a certain way PLS bc ik Heathers has some troubling themes!!#also they’re both teens in this like JD and Veronica are in the musical#this one brought to you in part by my wishing I could do high school over again :(#also just bc it fits for the storyline#okay I’m done now#AGAIN lemme know if anyone needs this tagged some other way!!!#funny tidbit about Murdoc: his given name was Dennis Jackson. DJ. the opposite of JD. lol
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So far everyone has been nothing but sweet and nice on my positivity post I made for the wider community that’s been going around…
But I still get So Scared someone’s gonna be weird and mean to me bc I forgot to include them or a proshitter is gonna find and rb/steal it
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When will tumblr roll out a separate like button for when you’re sympathizing with a mutuals vent post!!
I don’t like that they’re suffering!! But I only have the ‘like button’!!! I want a button like..
Ppl hugging or a hot beverage or a teddy bear or SOMETHING to signal my mutuals that, “hey, you’re not alone, this sucks but you will get through it and be okay. And until then (and after) I will be here for you if you need me”
#SORRY if this is stupid guys#I just feel so weird liking vent posts but idk how else to express my support and sadness that they’re upset :(#tumblr get on this!!!!
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Emmett’s Disney princess behavior vs Murdoc making friends with Daisy…
To be very fair to Murdoc he is not, in fact, needlessly harassing a wild animal. Daisy instigated (in this case anyway..) 😭
#i love you just a little too much#selfship#selfship community#f/o community#f/o#selfship art#don’t worry for those of you who haven’t seen the lore post about Daisy they do end up getting along eventually lol#tbh everything makes more sense if you read the post#I’ll link it under the cut in a minute
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wishing all lesbian selfshippers a very happy Lesbian Visibility Week this week!!! ^-^
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we're over halfway through the week already, but happy passover to jewish selfshippers! you're a super important part of the community and deserve to be uplifted and supported during this time (and always of course!)
best wishes to you all, and i know your f/os would also want to be there and celebrate this special time with you as well ^^ chag pesach sameach! / zissen pesach!
(also if you're a jewish selfshipper plz feel free to reblog and promo ur blog or anything else under this post! <3 let's get some love and attention going for y'all)
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im noticing that for a lot of americans “free palestine” has been an ideological motto and symbol rather than them actually believing in their heart that freedom is attainable and necessary
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When I see people sharing so much of their kids' lives, I think about that one time my child told a joke, I shared that joke with ONE FRIEND in a private conversation, and my child said "can you please ask me next time, before you tell people something about me?"
And, yes, I absolutely should. So I apologized, and now I ask.
"I love that video of you, can I show it to a friend?"
"Can I tell a friend about how clever you were just now?"
"Can I share this in the family group chat?"
"Can I show your art to grandma and grandpa?"
And it's not like my kids don't like when I share their jokes and puns and fun moments. They love it! But they want to have control over what I share with people. Even without their faces or their names. Even people we know and trust.
And they deserve to have that control.
My children are small so the examples are small. They wanted me to ask, so I ask. Just like being told to kiss my grandma's cheek when I was a kid was far from traumatizing, but I don't do that with my kids because it's a way to practice consent and become aware of bodily autonomy.
It gets both me and them in the habit of asking for consent and drawing boundaries and seeing the lines between their life and my life, their stories and my stories.
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i think the way tiktok and tumblr (yes i am unifying these two sites together for this, for shame!) talk about autism and adhd (n honestly ocd too) as this quirky party trick has really damaged The Youths, at least in america (n they enact that damage on the rest of us, per usual)
like you guys will CONTINUE as usual to mock n harass anyone who is slightly "weird" or "offputting" bc well YOURE autistic and YOU dont do that, so it must be a them problem. well, YOU live on your own and YOU have a job and YOU have tons of friends and YOU go to uni and YOU go to the club and YOU arent weird. its not an "autism thing", this persons just weird. weird for being a picky eater, for using scripts in conversations, for avoiding crowded places n having meltdowns while in them, for living w their parents or in assisted living, for going on about their special interests, for missing social ques, for speaking "weird", for stimming, for having little or no friends, for being unemployed, for having motor issues, for being nonverbal, for not being able to handle the school/academy system, for being autistic.
THEYRE clearly just weird, THEYRE wrong for exhibiting signs and symptoms of autism. their autism is WRONG and WEIRD and OFFPUTTING. YOURE autistic and YOU dont do that, so its clearly "not about autism".
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The first time Murdoc abducts Emmett from their apartment (having recently escaped prison), he does encounter Daisy too.
They had a brief spat with each other before Murdoc finally convinced her to shut up with the bribe of a stale granola bar he’d been carrying around for awhile (he tends to just have food on him like this pretty regularly actually, though it’s usually a snack food like peanuts or something). He didn’t think much of the encounter, seeing as his primary goal was getting Emmett to talk with him again like their conversations when he was in federal custody and they were assigned as his psychologist. Just like old times :)
But then everytime he came back to their apartment, there she was. As if guarding Emmett from afar at the base of the complex.
The first few times he had to bribe her with assorted foods to keep her quiet and convince her not to attack him.
But as time went on, she seemed to sense that he wasn’t a threat to her or to Emmett and she became more tolerant of him. By this time, however, Murdoc had started to bring her treats for the hell of it rather than out of necessity in keeping her noise down.
Eventually Murdoc asked Emmett in passing about that weird raccoon that he encounters so regularly when he comes to visit them and they laugh saying
“Oh that’s just Daisy! She’s such a sweetie, isn’t she?”
And of course, to Emmett she had been nothing but a sweetie but to Murdoc, well, his experience had been different and started out much more roughly. It was only then that Murdoc put two and two together and figured out that Daisy likely was trying to guard her friend up in their apartment from him.
Time went on and Murdoc started using the door, having been given a spare key by Emmett to use. He still saw Daisy and indulged her in some food but now she was much friendlier, more like how Emmett had portrayed her in conversation.
Eventually, when Murdoc moved in with Emmett per his agreement with the Phoenix Foundation, Daisy seemed to recognize that he was now a resident there too and often greeted him as well, even without the promise of food, though it was always a welcome bonus.
So, Daisy and Murdoc do eventually get along just fine, much to Emmett’s delight! He also helps them feed the semi feral cats outside sometimes, though he’s always rather liked cats to begin with.
Now he likes raccoons too, if only because of Daisy…
WITH REGARDS TO THE LAST SELFSHIP POST RB..
Emmett doesn’t have any pets during the series, they’re still trying to get back on their feet in taking care of themself first and they don’t want to put an animal at risk by not being able to take care of it. At least, that’s their initial reasoning.
Despite this, he ends up fostering and caring for several stray and feral animals over the years! They are always terribly sad to see the animals they’ve bonded with go, but ultimately keep doing it to keep getting more pets into safe and loving homes.
Along with fostering, Emmett also cares for the feral cats that come and go around their apartment.
There is one consistent visitor though. A particularly tenacious raccoon who they ended up naming Daisy. Daisy isn’t a pet, she isn’t kept in Emmett’s apartment or owned by him. But she is the only animal that consistently comes back to Emmett even without the promise of food (though it does help), hence his emotional attachment to her and naming her!
I’ll talk more about Daisy, Emmett and Murdoc tomorrow I’m going to sleep now lol
#i love you just a little too much#selfship#selfshipping#selfship community#f/o community#f/o#PSA do not try to befriend raccoons or any wild animal irl like this. this is purely self indulgent fantasy on my part.#be safe and keep your local wildlife safe too by only engaging with them by watching them from afar!!
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