Im absolutely PISSED that they made a book for python, ONLY TO PUT A FUCKING RAT ON THE COVER?!??! WHY?

They are always like this.

Hit the road craps...

they're preparing for the Queen

THIS! Working in a hospital really shows how fucked up untreated or badly treated diabetes is. Theres this thing called "diabetic foot", wanna know what happens? Your blood vessels get destroyed bc of diabetes, which means that your wounds wont heal properly, if at all, which also means that if you cut your toe or foot, really just a tiney cut, you can bet that you will lose that foot a couple weeks later if youre not treated immediately. Your foot will slowly die off basically. You can easily google it. If this doesnt show you how important the availability and accessibility of insulin is, idk what will.

AND a race one since the most affected regions will be Africa, Asia and Oceania

Im imagining a tunado pulling the "skirt" up in a cartoonish way and then running for the hills

Hobestly this is one of the reason why i think i might have adhd or a form of it bc this happens to me all the time, just a few days ago my bff was at my place and we talked and i put something away on a table right next to me and in the next moment when i needed it again it was gone and i was like "omg see im not crazy right? Its gone!" And my bff and i started searching for it and she was baffled bc i always told her how i struggled with this and it was kind of satisfying to have a witness. But nonetheless i am kind of afraid to get "diagnosed" bc i sometimes feel like its just all in my head and maybe i dont really have adhd or something like that and im just exaggerating my experience in my head...you know? I just feel like a complicated mess...

Why do I keep losing things? Aka Nothing good has ever come from trying to "just not forget"

(I whipped up a quick comic cause I had a joke on my mind, but I'll be doing a whole graphic on coping with memory issues!)

The last panel is based on an incredible video by How to ADHD

Too many people abuse their friendships like that. Sure, your friends are supposed to support you through your struggles but they arent responsible for your healing process.

"It's just a bad day,..."

Everything feels like it couldn't get worse and then it does.

People try to be supportive in the worst ways. Why does no one know how to console someone, I wonder.

I know it's not easy but don't try to say things like "don't worry it's not that bad" or "yeah you know my day was shitty too so what happened was..."

Do you get what I mean? It either seems like you don't take someones problem seriously or you don't care about them and think it's more important that someone takes care of your problems.

I don't need to explain anything and I surely won't talk about exceptions because of obvious reasons.

Just be there, listen, ask them if they need anything specific, show empathy. Thats it.

I dont know

I want to complain.

Like really complain. Get it all off my chest. All those annoying and frustrating things that i have to endure in my life.

I want to complain bc there are just so many things that are not right in this world that i actually start to question if it is even worth it.

Is it worth it to care? To have morals? Of course i cant just not be emotionally attached to the world and people and animals and all the different things that exist bc thats how we work, right? We are "programmed" to care, otherwise we wouldnt be able to work together and survive.

But why is it that so many things still arent working out the way they should? Answer me that...

Here i am again...

...with the same pain

With the same knowledge

Under the same gallons of rain

Washing me to the edge

Here it is again...

...the same ache

The same situation

And no break

Or any good indication

Oh help here it will grow again...

...just make it stop

For i am never able to end this cycle

For i am never able to let it drop

But always will live in denial

There is no end

...

I want to say so many things to so many people but i dont have the guts to do it or they wont understand it (i dont blame them) or both so i just post my thoughts and feelings here hoping for the best when i know it wont do any good.

Commitment

I never realised how wrong I was about myself. I always thought that the people I called my friends never cared for me. Not much anyways. And while that was true in 99% of the cases, I never noticed how loose I held these friendships. That I too was reason for the friendships to go down. I only now realised that 100% commitment not only happens in a relationship but already in friendships. You need to be fully aware of its existence. You need to fully understand its value and worth. I need to. Before that it wont work because I don't know how to handle them. Of course if the other person does not the same it will end nonetheless but one cannot expect others to put effort into it while not doing anything for it themself. I never learned how to fully commit myself into a friendship or a relationship in generall. I always had this barriere that kept me at a distance. If it was to keep me safe or because I never new how to break it I do not know. Maybe someday I will understand myself fully and know everything that is right for me and comprehend all about myself.

Today was a bad day actually. I felt very down. I haven't felt like myself at all lately. This day is different. I do not know if it's in a good way or not because I learned something new. I still feel down. I still feel bad about myself. Not necessarily about the lost friendships. But just in generall. I cannot tell good from bad decisions apart anymore because it seems like whatever I do, if I listen to peoples advice or if I do what my gut tells me to do, it always leads me to negative things. And I have collected a big pile already. Are life lessons going to make it bearable?

Question seeking answer

Is it possible to feel a mix of yearning and hearbreak without ever experiencing love in the first place?

Question and no answer

I have always despised people who acted like they were your friends and in the end left you without so much as a plausible reason. Throughout my teenage life i have encountered more and more of these people and to this day i am unable to express my hate for them. But now i feel like the tables have turned and it is i who has taken their position. Having a friend and realising that this person is indeed NOT your friend is a paining experience. There were reasons as to why i have established they were naught but a mere aquaintence with who i waste my time with every passing day. But...and as pathetic as it may sound...there are things that keep me from hating them for what they do and say and stand for. Things that keep me as their friend but not them as mine. And i know that they see me as a friend and hold me dear to their heart. And i am not saying this because i feel confident enough or am selfcentered to believe that i am that superior but it is their words and actions that have made me realise that i am not merely an aquaintance to them. Which makes my heart ache since that is all i feel about them. And i have to put an end to this. And i cannot keep up the pretense. Even if they need a friend. Even if they need a companion. Even if i would be the worst person on earth when i finally cut off any connection. But i still have a question: how does one cut someone out of their life without the nagging feeling of guilt and hate towards ones self?

I feel that. This hits deep...

Choices

In my life I have the choices to make. For my future. For my well being. For my sake. Of course I have an impact on others just like they have on me. But what makes other people, no matter who: my friends, family, aquaintances or random strangers, believe they can take away these choices? Because it gives you power? Because you have a backup for when everything goes wrong? Because you have to have that kind of control? When did I give other people the impression that no matter what happens to me or how I have to struggle you can still use me and take my energy and throw me away just like that and then have the audacity to make me feel guilty, just because you say you love me and that I am important to you? When in fact I am nothing but a way for you to pass your time and keep you company so you don't have to feel lonely because the people you really adore and are obsessed with are busy.

The biggest question I have is: why do I keep people like you in my life? Isn't it enough that I already have had many of your kinds that gave me the same lesson over and over and over and over...

Tell me something that makes you boil with anger in merely seconds

Question and no answer

Love is a word so big, the definition would be longer than any dictionary in this world. I never knew its true meaning and never have felt it before. And i always thought that the only reason i would get heavily involved was beause i myself would be experiencing it. But who in their right mind would have thought that something or someone would come and dare force it on me, to dare try to make me believe that i already love? Not me, definitely not. And now i am stuck between a potential love and a forced love and a never-coming love and have to decide what is best for me and others. Is there a way out without someone hurting or is this what love calls in for consequences? That for the love you have to sacrifice things that are not in your right to sacrifice?

A love-letter...

Dear love,

My name is not of import to you for you shall always choose your victims by coincidence. I have a question that you might have an answer to. And if so please share it with me for my poor soul has already had asked too many unanswered ones. What makes love worth the try?

Sincerely,

Me