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poorcinderelly · 3 years

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Worthwhile

The final part of the Perfectly Fine series:

Perfectly Fine (Part 1)

Changing Minds (Part 2)

Author: poorcinderelly

Rating: PG13 (small mentions of blood, hints of sex, and swearing)

Pairing: Tom Holland/Reader

Disclaimer: This work is purely fiction and not-for-profit fan activity. It is not intended to infringe on any rights by and of the companies and/or individuals involved in the production of any series mentioned here.

Word Count: 3,625

Notes: Wow...so here it is, the final part of this little fic I have been writing. I'm sorry this took so long to get out. To be honest, I really struggled with how to end this, and in which direction to send it in. But to be honest, I'm pretty happy with how this turned out. I want to thank all of you guys who took the time to like, comment, leave kudos, etc. on these fics. I honestly did not expect them to get as much attention as they got and I am so totally grateful for it. You all have inspired me to keep going and honestly, improve my writing. Thank you all again for everything, and I hope you enjoy the final part of this. Xoxo.

Here's the AO3 link, too!

gif credit: @tomhollandnet

We are alone with our changing minds We fall in love 'til it hurts or bleeds Or fades in time

You jumped back as Tom’s voice came through on the intercom. Your hands immediately went to your mouth and you started to pace a little back and forth.

Tom was downstairs. He was really downstairs. “Why the fuck is he here?” you wondered. “Also, how the fuck did he know where I lived?” Then you figured the last part was because of Jessica and Harrison’s doing. You made a mental note to kick their asses later.

The buzzer went off again. This time, you made your way to the door. You pressed the intercom button and responded with a nervous, “Hello?”

“Oh good...I thought it was broken…” You could tell Tom was nervous, too.

You pressed the button again. “Nope...it’s working…” you said matter of factly.

Then there was silence; you realized he could not stay down there forever. “Do you still want to come up?”

A few moments passed before you heard an anxious, “Y-Yeah” come through the speaker.

“Okay.” You pressed the door button.

You knew you only had a couple of minutes to prepare yourself for whatever was about to happen. You took a quick glance around your apartment; fortunately nothing looked too out of place. You thought about changing out of your robe and fixing up your hair, but you decided against it. It was not as if Tom had seen you like this before.

As you were turning on the coffee pot, you heard a knock at the front door. Your heart was pounding as you made your way over to it, and your hands trembled as you opened the door.

There was Tom, standing on the other side of the threshold. His dark brown hair was slightly slicked back and he was wearing a denim jacket over a white t-shirt, dark jeans, and black and white Converse. God, he could still make you weak in the knees.

You snapped out of your daze and moved aside to let him inside. As you closed the door behind him, you heard him say, “I like your place.”

“Thanks,” you jabbed. “I’m still getting used to it…”

The look on Tom’s face made you regret that remark and you decided to tone it down a bit. It was pretty clear that he did not come here looking for a fight.

“Sit down,” you said, gesturing to the table. “I’ll pour us some coffee.”

Tom did not say a word as he pulled back one of the chairs that was closest to the door, which you thought was an interesting choice. You went into the kitchen and took out two mugs from the cabinet and poured some coffee into them, leaving some room for cream and sugar. You returned to the table and gave Tom his mug before sitting down at the other end. You figured it would be best to keep your distance.

You sat there for what felt like forever, avoiding eye contact. You debated on whether to say something, or if he should be the first one to speak.

You watched him take a sip of coffee from the mug and set it back down on the table, still gripping it. “So…” he swallowed, “how long have you been here?”

“About two months,” you answered. You also took a sip from your mug and leaned back in your chair. “Tom, what are you doing here?” you asked, pointedly. I know you didn’t come to admire my decorating…” The last part was meant to come out as a joke, but the knot in your stomach was getting tighter and tighter with each passing minute and you were beginning to lose your patience.

Tom looked up from his mug and stared at you right in the eye. You could not remember the last time you got a closer look into his dark brown orbs.

“I just…” He stopped and looked back down at the mug again, biting his lip for a few moments before taking a breath and gazing at you again. “I was just hoping we could talk about some things,” he said, earnestly. “I know things ended badly between us, and…”

You leaned back in your chair, also holding onto your mug. You studied his face; he looked absolutely terrified. You were prepared to throw another side remark at him, but you held yourself back. Instead you decided to give him a moment’s peace and the invitation to continue.

“What are you trying to say exactly, Tom?” you asked softly, not taking your eyes off of him.

Tom opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. He was trying to find the right words, the perfect thing to say, but his mind was coming up empty. Frustrated, he set the mug back down on the table and pushed his chair back, getting to his feet. You remained seated, bracing yourself for whatever was about to come next.

“I just want to apologize Y/N,” he said, emphatically. “I know I said that when you came to get your things a few months ago, but it was a shite apology. I admit it.”

He paced slowly back and forth in the living area as he continued, but stopped every few moments to look up and glance at you. “What I did to you was awful, Y/N. I treated you so horribly. When I think about the things I said to you, god, it just makes me want to hurl myself off of the highest bridge. I’m sorry for everything I said to you during that time. And I deserve everything you said to me back then, too. You don’t even have to apologize for it. I know you only said those things to get even for what I was saying to you. But god, Y/N…” He stopped in the middle of the living area and ran his hands over his face. He took a deep breath as his hands made his way up to his hair and he slowly took a step towards you.

“...I still love you, Y/N. I never stopped loving you. I just…before I could not even begin to imagine my life without you and now that you haven’t been in it for the past eight months, I don’t want to go on. It’s gotten so I can’t even sleep in my own bed without you in it. I need you, Y/N.”

So you were never a saint And I've loved in shades of wrong We learn to live with the pain Mosaic broken hearts But this love is brave and wild

Tom finally stopped pacing and looked at you, waiting for you to speak. The tears that had been brimming behind your eyes as he was speaking started to fall. You were embarrassed at first, but you pushed those feelings down. You had been waiting for him to say these words for so long and the tight ball of overwhelming emotions in your chest finally popped as soon as he finished.

But there was still a pressing matter at hand.

You sat up straight in your chair, crossed your arms over your chest, and finally asked the question that had been burning inside of you for the past few months.

“Tom...did - fuck!” you bit the inside of your cheek and took a deep breath, bracing yourself for whatever he was about to say. “Did you….Was there anyone else?”

You held your breath as you waited for his answer.

Tom shuffled his feet and looked down at his shoes for a few moments before turning his head back up to look you in the eye.

“Yeah, sort of…it was while I was in Berlin...it only happened one time…” he said. “But all we did was kiss! It didn’t go further than that, I promise!”

You sighed, preparing yourself for what was about to happen next. “Was it with that model that you’ve been photographed with?”

Tom paused for only a moment. “Yes.”

“Jesus Christ, Tom!” You got up from your chair and pushed him aside to get to the kitchen.

“Y/N, wait!” he begged, following you and stopping in the doorway. “Please, just listen!”

“No Tom!” you snapped, slamming the door to the fridge and forcefully placing the water pitcher on the kitchen counter. “I don’t want to hear anything else you have to say! You clearly had developed feelings for her when you were in Berlin!”

“That’s not true!” Tom rebutted, his eyes darkening as he stepped a little further into the kitchen.

“Well if it isn’t, then why did you move on so quickly after we broke up! Why were you photographed with her two weeks later?” You could feel your hands begin to shake, so you clenched them, trying to maintain composure.

“We went on a couple of dates...it honestly didn’t mean anything,” he said. “She...Christ, she wasn’t you, Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and reached over to the dish rack next to the sink to pick up a drinking glass. Just as you picked it up, it slipped out of your hand and shattered into pieces all over the floor. “Fucking hell,” you muttered as you bent down to try to pick up the big pieces. “Y/N, let me help,” Tom insisted, kneeling down on the other side. “I don’t need your help!” you retorted. Suddenly you felt a sharp pain in your index finger and thumb and dropped the piece of glass you had picked up. Both your index finger and thumb had been cut open, and bright, red blood was flowing down the sides.

You quickly got to your feet and with your free hand, turned on the cold water in the sink, washing the blood off.

“You have a first aid kit?” Tom asked.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “hall closet...on the middle shelf…”

You heard Tom’s footsteps recede down the hallway as you continued to rinse the blood off of your fingers. Before you could try to process what happened, he returned with the first aid kit along with a broom and dustpan.

“Found these in the closet,” he said, setting the kit on the counter and proceeding to sweep up the glass. He set the dustpan on the counter and opened the first aid kit, taking out gauze bandages and antibiotic cream. Once all of the blood had washed off, he reached over and gently took your hand in his, and proceeded to bandage up your finger and thumb.

“Looks like you won’t be needing any stitches,” he said, sounding relieved.

You watched as he gently dabbed the antibiotic ointment on your cuts with his left ring finger and then proceeded to wrap the bandages around them with the same amount of tenderness.

It was like the breaking of the glass destroyed all the pent up tension that had been culminating around the both of you. It had been a long time since you were this close to each other. You could not believe that you almost forgot what it had felt like.

You both stayed that way for a few moments, studying each other and not saying a word. As Tom reached over and took your other hand into his, you stepped even closer to him. You could smell the familiar subtle smell of his cologne and feel the warmth of his hands on your own.

God, even though you were standing there with your heart still breaking, you still loved the way you felt when he was this close to you.

Your eyes began to overflow with tears again and you looked to the floor, trying to blink them away before Tom noticed. “Hey...Y/N...” he said, hesitantly pulling you closer into him, tenderly wrapping his arms around you. “Crap...too late…” you thought. The denim material on his jacket rubbed against your forehead and you could hear his heart beating beneath his shirt. “Please...just talk to me…” he pleaded softly, dropping his arms and taking your hands back into his once again.

You sniffled and blinked some of the tears away. Just like what Tom did before, you opened your mouth and every single feeling towards him that you had kept locked away deep inside for the past eight months was finally set free.

“It’s...I just...I just don’t know how I’m going to trust you,” you stammered. “Tom...I had to find out that you cheated on me at a Halloween party last night. Do you know how embarrassing that was? Everyone was probably walking around knowing that except for me!” You paused to wipe away some of the tears. “You were the first person I’ve ever met that I cared wholeheartedly about. Christ, I’ve shared things with you that I never shared with anyone...and then you go and treat me like shit for a few weeks before breaking up with me and not giving me one honest explanation as to why!” You stopped to bring yourself back down to earth and lowered your voice a little. “I just want to know why, Tom…why did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

You stopped to wipe the tears from your eyes, and that was when you noticed that he was starting to hold back tears too.

“It was an honest mistake, Y/N. We both happened to be at the same pub and I had one too many...and it just happened! And I felt so ashamed afterward...the guilt just got to me Y/N...I thought you deserved better and I just couldn’t handle it…”

“That doesn’t matter!” you protested softly. “Let me choose who and what I deserve! Let me determine if I can handle it or not.”

Tom bowed his head so it rested on your forehead. “I know...and I’m sorry...I’m truly so, so, so sorry…” he said, choking back a sob.

You closed your eyes and rubbed each of your thumbs on the back of his hands. You realized that you just could not carry this weight any longer. Although you spent most of your time trying to convince yourself otherwise, you still loved Tom with all of your heart and more than anything, you just wanted him back in your life.

“I know you are…” you said, as you opened your eyes, staring intently into his. “And...I admit that I wasn’t the best person ever during that time. There were a lot of things that I should have done differently, and I’m sorry for that.”

“You don’t have to apologize at all, Y/N,” Tom assured, sniffling. “I’m to blame….no matter how bad it got, I crossed a line…”

“Well, I guess we can both say that we made mistakes then…” you said with a half-smile. “Could I ask you one more question, though?”

“Of course, Y/N...anything!” Tom said.

You took a deep breath and glanced back down at your feet and gave his hands a squeeze. “Are...Are you still with her?” you asked nervously.

That was when you felt Tom’s hand on your chin, pulling your lips into his. It felt like a lightning bolt had entered your nervous system, bringing your body and soul back to life. Without giving it a second thought, you leaned into it and returned it.

Tom pulled away and immediately, a piece of you felt empty. “To answer that question...no. We broke up two months ago.”

This is a state of grace This is the worthwhile fight Love is a ruthless game Unless you play it good and right These are the hands of fate You’re my Achilles heel This is the golden age Of something good and right and real

With that, instinct took over. You took Tom’s denim jacket into his hands and pulled him back in for a deeper kiss. You nervously pecked his lips with your tongue, which he returned with his. You felt his hands move to your hair, taking out the hair tie that was holding your long locks together and tossing it on the counter. “God...I’ve missed you so much…” he said, breathlessly.

“Me too...really…” you said. He pulled you back in for another kiss, only this time, he picked you up in his arms and started to back out of the kitchen. You wrapped your legs around his torso, giggling as he tried to maneuver holding onto you while trying to make his way around your apartment. “Bedroom’s down the hall, lovely,” you teased. With that, Tom turned on his heel and walked down the hallway to the last door on the left, nudging the door open with his foot. Tom gently plopped you on the bed, and within moments, his jacket and white t-shirt were off and the front of your robe was loosely untied.

The next couple of hours were spent with lips colliding, garments being tossed around the bedroom, and torsos tangling together as their hips moved out and in. Sounds of burning desire and released passion echoed off the walls as you and Tom came down together, the bedsheets twisted around your damp bodies. All of the pain, anxiety, tension, and fear that had been building around the both of you had finally been released and as you cradled Tom’s head into your chest, you stared at the ceiling, your heart feeling so full of warmth and love for the first time in eight months.

- * -

You spent the rest of the afternoon and into the evening in bed, only getting up to go retrieve the Chinese take-out from the front door. The two of you sat in silence for the first time that afternoon, with you at the head of the bed, eating your chicken fried rice and watching Tom work on his beef lo mein. After you both finished your meals, Tom was kind enough to take the empty containers to the kitchen. You nestled back down under the blankets, feeling full and happy, and honestly, a nap. When Tom returned, he was getting ready to join you back under the blankets himself from the left side of the bed, when he felt something brush against his foot.

He bent down to see what it was and he was surprised to see the familiar red photo album. When you noticed what he was looking at, you sighed with relief. “Oh, so that’s where it went!”

“Yeah, I found it here on the floor,” Tom said, as he finally joined you in bed. He hesitantly opened it and slowly began flipping through the pages. “I had forgotten you kept so many of these…” he said. “Yeah, well…” You snuggled closer to him and he wrapped his arm around you, continuing to look at the photos. “I thought it would be nice to have physical memories of us…” Tom kissed your temple and gave you a gentle squeeze. Deep down, he was amazed (and relieved) that you did not throw the album out. There really were a lot of memories tucked away inside of it, some of them he thought he had forgotten altogether until he saw the photograph of it.

Tom closed the album after getting to the last photo and returned it to the bedside table. “We really have done a lot together,” he said, pulling you closer into him. “Do you think we can maybe fill another album up?”

You noticed the tinge of anxiety that lingered in his voice as he asked that question. You sat up in bed and took his hand. “I love that idea,” you said, smiling wholeheartedly and giving him a quick peck on the mouth.

Both of you then scooted further down into the bed, snuggled into the blankets, facing each other. You started to feel really sleepy now, and you could tell Tom was as well. You were just about to drift off to sleep when you felt Tom grab your hand and lace his fingers with yours.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said softly, and also a little sleepily.

“I love you, too, Tom,” you returned.

As you both drifted off to sleep, it dawned on the both of you that you were not completely out of the woods just yet. There were still some things that you needed to talk about and more pieces of you that needed to heal. It was understood that things might never go back to the way things were before, but even so, it was going to be a new beginning. Anxious thoughts clouded his mind as to what the next day was going to bring, but as Tom drifted off to sleep, gazing at the beautiful woman he was so lucky to have in his life, he made a promise to himself that he was going to try his damn hardest to be better and he was prepared to spend the rest of his life making it up to you, because that was what you deserved.

As you watched Tom close his eyes and finally go to sleep, you nestled deeper into the pillow, still clutching his hand. Like Tom, you were also scared of what was going to happen tomorrow, but you promised yourself to meet Tom halfway. You knew it could take awhile for you to trust him again, but there was no doubt in your bones that all of the work the two of you will have to do to rebuild your relationship will be worth it.

No matter what was going to happen tomorrow and the days after that, both you and Tom were right where you wanted to be.

#tom holland #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #taylor swift #state of grace #fic: worthwhile #fandom: rpf #rpf: tom holland #ch: ofc/reader

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poorcinderelly · 3 years

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Welcome

This is just my pinned post for those who are on mobile.

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poorcinderelly · 3 years

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Changing Minds

Sequel to "Perfectly Fine"

Author: poorcinderelly

Rating: PG13 (mentions of sex, swearing, and alcohol)

Pairing: Tom Holland/Reader

Word Count: 7,582

Notes: So I did not expect "Perfectly Fine" to get as much attention as it did. Between here and AO3, it was read at least three hundred times! I know it's kind of small compared to what other fics get, but I'm pretty happy with it. More importantly, I'm happy that you guys seem to like it! Sorry, it took so long to get the second part out; I have been busy with RL and I also really wanted it to be the best it could be. Also, there will definitely be a third and final part to this, so be on the lookout for that. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it!

Here's the AO3 link, too!

One year earlier

You plopped down on the left side of the bed, trying to catch your breath. Your chest felt hot and your limbs felt like they could be made out of pudding. A light layer of sweat covered your entire body and your long hair splayed out across the one pillow that somehow managed to stay on the bed. You turned over to look over at Tom, who was trying to catch his breath himself. His eyes were closed and his brown eyelashes rested perfectly on top of his cheekbones, his smooth chest rising and falling with every breath he took.

He turned over to look at you and gave you a weak smile. "You okay, babes?" he asked, his breath finally slowing back down to a normal pace. You nodded; you were more than okay. He reached over and pulled you into him, untangling the blanket from between your bare bodies as he did so. You rested your head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart, making light circles across his body as he ran his fingers gently through your hair.

You both stayed like that for a while, enjoying the sounds of the other's breathing and the waves crashing outside the window. You were about to drift off to sleep when you heard Tom wearily ask, "Can I say something cheesy?"

You laughed and said, "Sure."

Tom stifled a yawn. "I wish we could stay like this forever."

It felt like Tom just unlocked a chest that contained every ounce of emotion you had felt for him deep inside you. Almost immediately, tears formed at the corner of your eyes and you did your best to stifle them so Tom would not notice. You quickly blinked them away and turned up to look at him. He was about to fall asleep; his brown eyes were halfway open and a tired smile formed on his face. You reached up, running your hand through his curly brown hair and planting a gentle kiss on his nose.

"I love you, Tom." You meant every word of it, down to the last syllable.

The yawn that Tom was fighting off appeared, but he still managed to utter an, "I love you, too," before drifting off to sleep. You resumed your previous position, your head on his chest and arm around his waist, letting sleep consume you.

==============================

Six months later

You laid awake in bed, staring at the alarm clock on your bedside table, its bright red letters spelling out 5:45 AM. It was as if it was mocking you.

You rolled over in bed, pulling the spare pillow over your face. Today was your last day at Jessica's apartment. Despite Jessica assuring you that you could continue to stay with her as long as you wanted, you knew it was time to move on. You had found a comfortable one-bedroom apartment in the Upper East Side and you were set to move in in just a couple of days. All of your new furniture was there, but you still had to move the five boxes of things you kept at Jessica's place to your new one, which is what you were planning to do today. That is if your brain allowed you to get some sleep.

It had been exactly six months since you saw Tom last. You did your best to avoid reading about him on social media, but even though you managed to cultivate a protective bubble around you, some news still managed to find its way through. The last thing you saw was that he was through filming his last Spider-Man movie and that he was doing a press tour for Cherry. You did not hear any news about his new girlfriend, though, for which you were grateful. You felt more at ease than you were a few months ago, but every once in a while, you found yourself deeply missing him. Especially on nights where you had trouble sleeping.

You tossed back over to the other side of the bed, reaching for your phone. You opened your messages and composed a new one, writing Tom's name in the "To:" box, but you stopped. "What the fuck am I doing?" you thought. You closed the message and put your phone back on the nightstand. Both you and Tom have moved on; you both made your peace with each other and apologized. It was time to let go of the past and just move forward.

"But I just can't," you thought. You curled yourself up into a fetal position, clasping your hands together to your chest, crying softly as you finally drifted off to sleep.

==============================

I do recall now the smell of the rain Fresh on the pavement I ran off the plane That July 9th The beat of your heart It jumps through your shirt I can still feel your arms

The wheels of the plane landing at Heathrow airport jolted you awake. You stretched, rubbed your eyes, and waited impatiently for the signal to stand up. You could not wait to get off of this plane. The trip had been a disaster from the start.

It began when an interview with Vogue magazine ran over, causing you to be late getting to the airport. Although you were able to get to your gate by the skin of your teeth, you realized you put your passport in the wrong pocket, causing you to take everything out of your carry-on bag to find it. Once you were able to get on the plane, you landed in Detroit without any issues. The layover there was only supposed to be an hour until you were forced to stay there for an extra two hours and switch flights because there was apparently engine trouble with the first plane.

By the time you landed in London, it was a little past ten o'clock at night. You made your way through the gate, with your carry-on bag over your shoulder. Your body felt so tired and all you wanted to do was shower and climb into bed. After getting your passport stamped, you continued to linger around the gate, hoping to see a glimpse of Tom. It was not as crowded as you expected it to be, which you hoped would make it easier to find him. You made your way to the sitting area by the gate and stopped when you saw a familiar blue and white tie-dye hoodie in one of the chairs. Tom was slouched in the chair, wearing sweats and looking at his phone in his hand. He pulled the hood of his hoodie over his head, but his brown curls were still sticking out all over the place. To the left and right of him, were his brothers Harry and Paddy, both sleeping in their chairs.

When you began making your way closer to them, Tom looked up from his phone, and a big smile burst on his face. "Y/N! YOU MADE IT!!!" he whooped, shooting from the chair and racing over to you. He immediately pulled you into his arms, wrapping both of his arms around your body and pulling you into him. You dropped your carry-on to the floor and returned his hug, burying your face in his chest. The familiar smell of citrus entered your nose and you could literally feel his heart beating through the cotton material of his hoodie. You were home.

You looked up when you felt him gently cup the side of your face and pull you in for a kiss. It felt like your body was going to melt right then and there. You had missed his kisses so damn much.

"God I missed you," he said quietly against your lips. It was as if he read your mind.

"I missed you too," you responded, gently yanking on his hoodie and pulling him closer.

It was by this time Paddy and Harry woke up and interrupted your embrace by yanking you from Tom's arms and hugging you tightly and bursting with excitement. Just being around them brought back all of the energy that the trip zapped from you. It had been a long time since you had seen both of them, and they were so eager to catch up with you right then and there. "Lads! Hey, lads! You'll have the next three weeks to catch up with Y/N," Tom chuckled. "And I don't think she wants to catch up with you in the middle of Heathrow!"

And with that, Tom took you by the hand and you both made your way over to baggage claim, with Harry and Paddy in tow. After picking up your suitcase, you followed Tom to the exit and immediately felt relief when you stepped outside. There was a light breeze in the air and you breathed in the smell of rain, letting it take over your senses. You heard the slushing sounds that the cars made as they drove through the puddles on the asphalt, causing the ground to shimmer under the street lamps. As you waited for the next cab to pull up, you gave Tom's hand a gentle squeeze and rested your head on his shoulder.

"You alright, love?" you heard him ask.

You smiled. "Yeah," you answered, "just glad to finally be home."

==============================

The next day was rough. As expected, you got a late start thanks to your lack of sleep. Still, with the help of coffee and Jessica, you managed to get all of the boxes out of Jessica's apartment, packed tightly in her car, and up into your new place.

It did not go unnoticed to Jessica that you were a little morose. Throughout the day she did little things to try to cheer you up, such as buying you lunch and trying to take your mind off things. She knew that this step - moving into a new place, living on your own for the first time in two and half years - was a big one and she did her best to try to make it go as smoothly as possible. "I definitely don't deserve a friend like her," you thought.

She also did not pass up on suggesting that you stay one more night at her place, which you refused. But she stayed with you all day, helping you unpack your things and re-arrange your furniture. You both split a pizza for dinner and watched a cheesy movie on Netflix. After Jessica left around ten, you took a shower and crawled into your queen size bed, basking in the smoothness of the sheets and pillows. You were grateful that sleep came quickly.

You spent the following weeks getting used to the place, trying to make it more like home. You had trouble sleeping one night - which had become the norm at this point - and decided to go through the last two boxes of things that you brought from Jessica's apartment that were stacked in the corner of the dining area. They mostly contained random items like colored pencils, a box of tea, random kitchen utensils, a few books, and some DVDs. You were just about to throw the last box out when you noticed another one in the corner. "Hm," you thought, "I guess I forgot this one."

You grabbed your scissors and sat down in front of it, ready to open the box. That was when you saw your name written in the familiar scrawl.

Your heart sank. You remembered what this box was now and what was inside of it.

You put your scissors back on the table and picked up the box. Just like that night six months ago, you tucked it under your arm and brought it to your bedroom. You slid open your closet door with your foot and dropped the box to the floor, sliding it to the back behind your coats and shoes.

You made a note to try to open it again later. Just not now.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are Hope it's nice where you are

Two months had come and gone; it was now October. You had now started to develop more of a routine that consisted of doing yoga in the mornings, painting in the afternoons, and trying new recipes for dinner. You also started to go to auditions more, which your agent and publicist were grateful for. You also started to receive more scripts to read, which was something that did not happen as much before. Your agent made a joke along the lines of, "At least something good came out of that relationship," which had stung a little. But you knew she did not mean it in a malicious way; in fact, part of you agreed with her. It was nice to be working again, but it was still a little annoying that you had just now started to get all of this attention just because you were in a relationship with Tom Holland for two and a half years. Still, you knew that this was part of the game.

You still had your protective bubble up when it came to him. It was fine if your team talked about him, but you made sure that he was off-limits in interviews. That was truly the only request you made. Although you were in a slightly better place than you were a couple of months ago, your heart still felt a little tender. Jessica still kept reminding you that it was okay to feel what you feel and that it was part of the process. But it still frustrated you. Part of you wondered that if you did talk about him more with other people, would it speed up the process? But you also did not want to invite people into your private life. You and Tom worked so hard to keep the details of your relationship out of the press and as far as you knew, he was not talking about you in interviews. The least you could do was return the gesture.

It was two Saturdays before Halloween and Jessica was sleeping over. You both got drunk off of a little too many Blackheart shots and ate too much pizza while watching scary movies on Netflix. Jessica, as always, drank more than you did and you did not want her to go home in the state she was in. It was getting close to midnight when Jessica blurted out an idea. "HEY! WE SHOULD HAVE A PARTY!!"

You groaned and put your face in one of the pillows on your couch. You did not like throwing parties; hell, you did not even like attending parties. They just made you feel anxious and small, and other than your friends, you never really knew what to say to people.

"Come onnnnnnnn Y/N," Jessica begged. "This will be good for you! I'll invite some of our friends we haven't seen in a while! It will be so much fun!" Her eyes went wide and she gasped. You knew she had just come up with another idea. "WE CAN MAKE IT A COSTUME PARTY AND HAVE IT ON HALLOWEEN!"

You sighed. "I really don't know, Jess," you said. "I'm just not in a party mood right now."

Jessica gave you the look. It was a look she always gave you when she felt that you were being ridiculous. "Y/N, you have been through more shit in these past few months than anyone else I know!!" she said. "You deserve to have this party! Plus we can have it at my place!!! That way you won't have to worry about doing anything - you can just show up!"

That was a good point. "Just attending a party wouldn't be so bad," you thought. "And she's right...I do deserve to have some fun..."

"Okay, let's do it!"

Jessica yelled with excitement and downed another shot of Blackheart.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

You thought that fate was testing you when you realized that Halloween was on a Saturday this year. There was no way you were going to be able to dip out at the last minute, nor were your other friends that Jessica invited. Still, you worked up the courage to walk up to Jessica's apartment, wearing your costume. You decided to dress up as Wanda from WandaVision, only you went with her costume from the comics and not the one from the cinematic universe. After Jessica - who decided to dress up as Agatha Harkness from WandaVision - let you inside, you made your way to the kitchen for some of Jessica's infamous Halloween punch. You definitely were going to need some of this to help you get through the night.

Just as you expected, you spent most of the night standing in the corner by the television in the living room. You did catch up with some old friends, though, which was nice. They all went to Julliard with you and Jessica and had all managed to get jobs in the fields they majored in, whether it be theater, dance, or something else. There were some people there that you did not know though, but you figured they were probably other friends of Jessica's or friends of your classmates' that you also have not met before. You decided to keep your distance from them as much as you could; you really did not want to talk to anyone new tonight.

But the more the party continued on into the night, you found yourself starting to mingle a little more. You sang karaoke and even played Mario Kart on Jessica's Nintendo Switch. After losing another round of Mario Kart, you handed the controller to one of your Julliard friends and decided to return to the kitchen for a glass of water. The kitchen was already occupied by two other guests, whom you have never seen before. Both were in costume, one was dressed up as a cat and the other one was dressed up as a sexy sailor and they seemed to be debating something. Fortunately, they did not seem to notice you. Just as you were about to open the fridge for the Brita pitcher, you finally heard what they were talking about.

"GIRL NO WAY! Tom Holland is definitely the superior Spider-Man!" said the cat.

The sexy sailor scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Andrew Garfield is a thousand times better! At least he was able to make Peter more competent instead of a whiny idiot."

The cat groaned in frustration. "But Tom is so hot, though!" she said. "I wonder if he's still dating that other actress? The one that was in that Netflix show that one season?"

"Shit!" you thought. You quickly shut the fridge and exited the kitchen but lingered outside the doorway. Your curiosity was getting the better of you.

"Nah, they broke up a while ago," the sailor said matter-of-factly. You heard the cat girl gasp. "NO! They were so cute together! Wowww, they were really together for a long time then, huh? I wonder why they broke up..."

The sailor did not answer right away. "I'm not sure. He's apparently dating that model now, though. You know, the one that's always in those Gucci ads? I read that he cheated on that actress with her!"

It felt like your heart dropped in the pit of your stomach. It turned out your suspicions were true after all. Tom really did cheat on you with her.

You could not listen to the conversation anymore. You bolted from the entranceway, trying to make your way to the balcony. You heard Jessica ask what was wrong, but you did not stop to respond. After pushing through some of the party guests, you made your way to the sliding glass door, slid it open, and stepped outside. You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw that no one was out there. You could also hear the excuses that Jessica was telling some of the guests inside, but you honestly did not care how you looked right now. You just needed to catch your breath and process everything you just heard.

You pulled up one of the chairs and sat in it, putting your face in your hands, trying to hold back your tears. Everything you had suspected about Tom leading up to the breakup was true. It explained everything - the distance, him being short with you, all of it. You did not want to be right; you really hoped that it was something else - something, anything other than this.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. "It's not fair!" you thought.

It truly felt like you were watching him move on without you. He was out in the world, prancing around with her, while you felt frozen in time. "Why couldn't he have just been honest with me?? Why did he keep this from me??? Why???" You hated that you had to find out the truth from two nobodies at a party eight months after everything ended. You were starting to feel angry now; you just wanted to punch something - anything. You wanted to scream. You wanted to just scream and cry.

Flashes of moments you had with him started appearing behind your eyes. The time he surprised you on the set of a photoshoot with a single daisy he had picked outside the studio. How whenever you both walked through crowds, he would grab your hand and gently squeeze it twice. Meeting each other at the airports - him at JFK and you at Heathrow. Every time he touched you, whether it was the way he put his hand on your waist whenever you went to an event, the way he held your hand whenever he could, the way his hugs felt especially after not seeing each other for a long time, and the way he held you in bed late at night. You also thought how you would sometimes lay awake at night and just watch him sleep, and as you listened to him breathe, your heart just swelled with love.

But those days were gone.

The sliding door to the balcony opening pulled you out of your thoughts. "I found her Jess!"

Your breath hitched in your throat. You had heard that voice before. You looked up and your eyes grew wide as saucers when you saw who was standing in front of you.

"Hey Y/N....been a while, hasn't it?" It was Harrison fucking Osterfield, Tom's best friend.

"Harrison???" you gasped, gaping at him as if he were from another planet. Despite being dressed up as an eighteenth-century nobleman that looked like got mauled to death by a monster, you knew it was him. Those piercing eyes gave it away.

He shrugged his shoulders and gave a gentle smirk. He offered you a bottle of cider, which you took. "Mind if sit down?" he asked, setting his bottle on the table. You nodded and gestured to the empty chair next to you. The overall shock wore off and now the air was beginning to feel tense. It had been a long time since you last saw him, even longer since you last saw Tom. Your mind began to race. "What do I say? Do I even say anything at all? What if he brings up Tom? Does he know what happened? What if he asks? What do I say if he does? What if -"

"How have you been?" he asked, awkwardly. You realized that he was beginning to feel the tension too. You shifted in your seat. "....Uh....okay, I guess," you answered. There was a moment of silence. "What brings you here? D-Did Jess invite you?" you stammered.

Harrison popped open his bottle of cider. "Yeah, she did," Harrison chuckled. "It was kind of out of the blue, but I haven't seen her in a while so I'd thought I'd come." You knew that Jess and Harrison hit it off after you invited her to your Fourth of July party with Tom almost a year ago. It surprised you a little that she would continue to talk to him after the breakup, but it did not make you angry. You knew they had a bond and honestly, the fact that your drama did not come between them made you feel relieved.

"It's okay that I'm here right? I don't want to make this awkward..."

"Fuck!" You decided that it was time to pop open the cider. "Say something, you idiot!" You shook your head and answered, "No...I'm glad you're here." You took a sip of the cider. "Like you said, it's been a long time."

That's when it dawned on you that if Harrison was in town, then that means there was a possibility that Tom was in town too. This caused you to grip the body of the cider bottle.

You both sat there in silence for a few moments. You took in the sounds of the commotion going down on the street below: the honking horns, the screeching tires, anything to distract you from the building pressure in your stomach. You thought that Harrison was feeling it too, but he definitely was not showing it. But he was always poised like that; it was one thing that you admired about him.

"You remember that night that all of us went and got hammered and we ended up back here on this balcony?"

You laughed. You immediately knew what Harrison was talking about. "Yeah, and Jessica kept doing her impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger from Predator?"

"GET TO THA CHOPPAH!"

You both burst out laughing. "Yeah, that's the one!" Harrison tossed his head back in the chair. "I thought Tom was going to piss himself," he laughed. You chuckled and thought back to that night. Tom laughed so hard that his face turned bright red and he started crying. His laughs had turned into squeaks as he gasped for air. Since then, he always brought up the "get to tha choppah!" line, especially during quiet moments between you two.

Harrison had noticed you had gone silent and he took another drink of the cider. "I hope I'm not out of line, but he does miss you, you know."

You did not give yourself time to process what Harrison just said; you just reacted. "What the fuck, Harrison?" you snapped. You shot up from your chair. All of the emotions you felt before Harrison sat down began to boil over. "Was this your plan the whole time??? T-To just come here and...and drop this bomb on me???" You could feel yourself wanting to cry but you did your best to hold back your tears. "Also, how dare you get involved! What makes you think you know the full story of everything that happened between us? Fuck, I didn't get the entire truth eight months ago! I HAD TO FIND OUT ABOUT IT TONIGHT! He didn't have the fucking balls to tell me to my face, I had to find out from strangers!" Your face suddenly felt cold and that was when you realized that the tears you were trying so hard to hold back were finally free. You glared at Harrison, who continued to sit in his chair, chewing on his lower lip. He never said a word as you screamed at him, just patiently waited. There were more thoughts that were racing through your mind, but you could not compel yourself to say them. They were not for Harrison; they were for Tom, and honestly, Harrison did not deserve to hear them. You clenched your fists and tried to catch your wavering breath. That was when Harrison got to his feet, still holding the bottle of cider.

"Look Y/N, I'm not going to pretend that I know every detail of what happened between you two. I only know what he told me -"

"And what did he tell you exactly? That he cheated on me??" you spat. "Because that's apparently what he did!"

Harrison sighed. "I just know he hasn't been the same since you guys broke up." His voice never wavered; it was still calm and leveled. "When you were together, it was the best I've ever seen him. Now...it's just different, believe me."

You sighed and reached up to wipe your tears away. "That's not my fault, Haz," you retorted. "From where I'm standing he did this to himself. He did this to us." You crossed your arms over your chest. "And honestly, I don't appreciate how you're trying to paint me as the bad person here."

Harrison let out another sigh and reached a hand to rub the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, Y/N, truly," he admitted. "It's just Tom's my best mate..." Harrison's voice drifted off and he used his free hand to grab a folded piece of paper from his pocket.

"I know this is asking a lot. I know I'm being completely out of line...and I can't imagine what else you could be feeling right now," he said, reaching his hand out towards you, "but please take this."

There was a tinge of desperation in Harrison's voice that you have never heard before. Although you knew better, you took the piece of paper from Harrison's hand and opened it. It was a phone number written in a familiar scrawl. You recognized both right away.

"He didn't know if you had deleted it or not..." Harrison quickly explained, his voice drifting off near the end.

You shook your head. "I never did."

==============================

I do remember the swing of your step The life of the party, you're showing off again And I roll my eyes and then You pull me in I'm not much for dancing But for you I did

Even though you did not like parties, you loved going to them with Tom. He had known early on in your relationship that parties were not your favorite things in the world, which caused him to do everything he could to ease your anxieties.

It was New Year's Eve and you were standing in the corner of the reception hall, holding a glass of champagne. Tom had invited you to a party that was being thrown by a friend of his family at their home outside of London. It was a rather large gathering; you estimated that there were more than fifty people there. You had spent the first hour or so introducing yourself to the party guests, with Tom by your side. As you both moved around the room, his hand never left the small of your back. Feeling his fingertips touch your bare skin never failed to make you feel so at peace. It was like you had your own personal anchor.

You snapped out of your daze when Tom emerged from the crowd with two small plates of food from the buffet table, which you graciously accepted. Tom took you by lead you through the next room and out a side door, which lead into a massive garden that was covered in dim lights and full of bushes that you surely knew would be in full bloom in the warmer months. You continued to follow him down a stone path, past at a glorious Fiore stone fountain and some benches, until you finally reached the entrance to the sun porch. Tom flicked the light switch and you sat down on the couch. It was a pretty cozy sun porch; the room was covered with windows and in the corner was a small woodstove. On either side of the couch, were two chairs and there was a coffee table in the middle of the room.

"Be right back," Tom said as he hurried out the door. He was not gone for long though and when he returned, he had a couple of firewood logs in his hands. You watched as he tossed them inside the sun porch and picked up the little matchbox on the coffee table, striking it, and throwing it inside before closing the door. The smell of burned wood entered your nose and the room started to get warmer. "There we are!" he said proudly.

He went to join you on the couch. "Thought you could use a break," he said, picking up his own plate of food. "Thank you," you said, scooting closer to him, "you're just so wonderful." You know that was mostly the champagne talking, but you still meant every word of it.

Tom smirked. "Well, I do try hard darling." You giggled and picked up one of the sandwiches on your plate. God, you were starving.

The two of you sat there in silence as you ate. It was not awkward; rather it was comfortable. You could hear the ruckus of the party through the walls, but it was not bothersome. You were just happy sitting next to Tom on this comfortable couch, hearing the wood crack as it burned in the woodstove. When you were through with your food, you sat your plate on the table and snuggled closer to him, resting your head on his chest. You smiled when you felt his lips kiss the top of your head. You saw Tom glance at the time on his phone. It was eleven o'clock.

"Time to get started!" Tom announced getting to his feet. He turned around to face you, scrolling through his phone.

"What do you mean?" you asked.

"You'll seeeeee," Tom teased, grinning. He continued to scroll through his phone for a few moments, while you continued to eye him suspiciously. "Ah, here we are!" He put his phone behind his back, held out his hand, and said, "Y/N, may I have this dance?"

Your face immediately turned hot. You giggled nervously and bit your bottom lip cheekily. Tom knew that you were not much for dancing, but there was just something about the way he was standing before you in the dim light, his hand held out, his curly hair smooth and slicked back with a gentle smile on his face that made you change your mind. You took his hand and then began to hear Donna Lewis' I Love You Always and Forever start to play on his phone's speaker. This was one of your favorite songs.

Tom set the phone on the table and pulled you into him. His left hand rested on your lower back, while his right laced his fingers with yours. The two of you swayed to the slow melody that lasted for a few minutes at the beginning of the song but when the tempo changed and started getting faster, Tom surprised you by spinning you around and picking up the pace. You laughed as you danced along, holding onto Tom's hands as you both moved around the room.

You continued to stay in the sun porch the rest of the night, dancing along to every song that Tom had put on the playlist. Some were fast like Hooked On A Feeling by Blue Swede, The Power of Love by Huey Lewis & The News (from Back to the Future, one of Tom's favorite films), and Mad Love by The Neon Trees, and some were more slow and sweet like All Through The Night by Cyndi Lauper, Butterflies by Kacey Musgraves, and I Knew I Loved You by Savage Garden. Although you loved every moment when you danced with him, it was honestly a lot more fun watching Tom come up with his own dance moves to some of the songs.

Just as the last song was playing, Tom picked up his phone. Both of you noticed the time - it was one minute until midnight. You pushed the loose strands of hair out of your face; your bun was starting to come loose. Sometime during the dancing, you had kicked off your shoes and Tom had removed his blazer, wearing only his white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

"We should get back to the party," you said, trying to fix your hair and find the blazer and your shoes. Tom pushed a few more buttons on his phone and set it back down on the table. "Let's just stay here," he suggested. You smiled and reached for his hand. As he pulled you back into your arms, you could hear the party guests counting down the last thirty seconds of the new year from inside.

"I had a lovely time tonight, Mr. Holland," you said coyly, wrapping your arms around his waist.

"Mmm, so did I Miss Y/L/N," he said, his hand rubbing your lower back.

"I look forward to seeing you again next year!" you teased. Tom threw his head back with laughter.

The countdown from inside the house grew louder and louder. "TEN...NINE...EIGHT...SEVEN..."

You and Tom gently swayed back and forth as it continued to get closer to midnight. You knew there was not enough time to express how much you loved him and how much you loved everything about tonight. As you took him in - his tired brown eyes, his messy dark hair, and the fading scent of his cologne - you mustered an, "I love you, Tom" under your breath.

"SIX...FIVE...FOUR...THREE..."

"I love you too, Y/N," he said. His voice was low and tired, but it was sincere. You could just feel it.

You kissed as the guests screamed, "Happy New Year!" from inside the house.

==============================

Not many of the party guests notice you return from the balcony, which you were grateful for. You quickly made your way to Jessica's bedroom to retrieve your coat, wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. As you closed the door behind you with your coat in your hands, you were met with Jessica who was standing somberly at the end of the hall.

"Everything okay?" she asked, nervously, rubbing her fingers together.

You sighed. "Not really, but I'll find a way to deal."

"I...ugh, I'm so sorry for inviting Haz," she stammered. "I...I thought that" -

You cut Jessica off by pulling her into a hug. "I'm not mad about that, Jess, truly," you assured her.

"Okay," she said, sounding relieved, but still worried. "Call me later?"

"Yeah, I'll call you tomorrow," you said, pulling away. "I just want to get home right now."

You knew it was rude to leave without saying goodbye to anyone, especially your Julliard friends, but you truly wanted nothing more than to escape. You figured that Jessica would explain things to them anyway; maybe not the full story, but just enough to make up for it. You made your way to the lobby of Jessica's building, your shoes clacking against the concrete floor. You decided to take an Uber home and as you sat in the backseat, you reached into your pocket to make sure that the piece of paper with Tom's phone number on it was still there.

Even though you still had his number in your phone and did not really need it, it comforted you to feel the wrinkly texture of the folded paper against your fingers.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

You did not get much sleep that night. You tried to shut your eyes after you changed out of your costume and taking a shower, but your mind was still racing over everything that Harrison told you about an hour ago.

Something took hold of you around 2:30 AM and after tossing and turning, you threw the covers aside and got out of bed. After flicking on the bedroom light, you lightly stomped over to your closet and slid open the doors, tossing aside shoes and other items until you found the box of items that Tom had given you on the last day you saw each other.

You pushed the items you tossed aside and sat down on the floor, ripping open the top of the box. Your favorite tea mug was now cracked, which did not surprise you considering how you tossed it around. Tom had got you that mug when you first moved in together. It was white and round, with an image of a sleeping fox on the front of it. You took the ceramic pieces out and set them aside, making a mental note to glue them back together. You continued to go through the box, taking out the spare cell phone charger, the old pair of headphones, and the paintbrush set. You unwound the blue and grey plaid scarf and pulled it up to your nose, taking in the familiar scent. It still smelled like pine needles from that cabin trip you went on with Tom and his family that one Christmas and the familiar smell of the space that you and Tom shared together. You set the scarf next to the previous items and looked at the bottom of the box: the small, red photo album was still there.

You took a deep breath and picked up the album, tracing your fingers over the cover. The album itself was nothing special; you found it at a greeting card store one day and thought it would be a good gift for Tom. You turned the cover and slowly turned the pages, reliving the past - the life you had with Tom. Some of the photos you had taken, but there were some that he also took. Most of them were from the trips you had taken together - the cabin trip that one Christmas, Fourth of July in Malibu, Christmas and New Years with Tom and his family, and the trip to Hawaii you took for your one-year anniversary. There were some candid ones that were in there as well - the night that Harrison talked about at the party, a photo of you wrapped up in the duvet that was on the bed you shared sticking your tongue out, one you sneakily took of Tom sleeping on the couch, and another one Tom took of you reading a book on the balcony of your old apartment.

There were so many memories in this little album. Some moments you forgot happened, such as the random photoshoot you and Tom decided to throw in your living room and you swapped clothes and the first time you decided to cook a whole chicken for the two of you, only you ended up burning the entire bird and there was a photo of you upset over it in the kitchen to prove it.

Although you were not smiling in every photo, there was definitely joy and love. You thought back to the conversation you had with Harrison and wondered if what he said was true. Did Tom really miss these moments you shared together?

You got to your feet and returned to bed. You continued to look at the photos again before your eyes became too heavy and you finally fell asleep.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

And I hope the sun shines And it's a beautiful day And something reminds you You wish you had stayed You can plan for a change in weather and time But I never planned on you changing your mind

You woke the next morning with the sun blaring its rays through the window and kicked yourself for not closing the curtains last night. As you pulled your blanket over your head to shield your eyes, you heard the sound of a thump on the floor. It took you a few moments to remember that you opened the box the night before and went to sleep looking at the photo album.

You continued to drift in and out of sleep for the next few hours. Your head ached and you just felt so wiped out. You replayed the night's events over in your head: you went to Jessica's Halloween party, you overheard those two girls confirm your suspicion of Tom cheating on you, and Harrison showed up and decided to drop a bomb on you, which was that Tom apparently missed you. You still had no idea what you were going to do about that.

You rolled back over to the bedside table and picked up your phone. It was almost half-past noon; you could not believe that you slept in so late. Despite the fact that you were annoyed at the sun for waking you up, you could tell that it was going to be a beautiful autumn day. You began to scroll through your notifications and noticed a lot of text messages and a couple of missed calls from Jessica. You were just about to go through them all when the sound of the buzzer almost jolted you out of bed.

"Who the fuck could that be?" you thought. The buzzer rang again as you got out of bed and put your robe on. You scurried your way to the door and pressed the button. "Yes, who is it?" you asked, stifling a yawn.

You were not prepared for what was on the other end.

"Uh....hey, Y/N," a familiar English accent said through the speaker. You jumped back a little, your heart pounding in your throat. "Holy fuck!" you thought. "What is Tom doing here??" You clutched your robe tighter around you as Tom's voice came through again.

"It's me...c-can I come up?"

#tom holland #harrison osterfield #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #taylor swift #last kiss #fic: changing minds #fandom: rpf #rpf: tom holland #ch: ofc #ch: reader

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poorcinderelly · 3 years

Text

Perfectly Fine

Author: poorcinderelly

Rating: PG13 (language mostly)

Fandom: RPF

Pairing: Tom Holland/Reader

Word Count: 3,491

Notes: Soooooo....I have never written an RPF fic before and especially not one that involves Tom Holland. I got inspired to write this after listening to Taylor Swift's song, Mr. Perfectly Fine on loop for the past few days. Fair warning, Tom is not really kind here. I mean, he's not the worst, but he's also not the greatest either. Part of me also really wants to do a part two to this, but I guess it will depend on how it's received and honestly, if I feel like it, lol.

Here's the AO3 link, too.

Enjoy!

It takes everything in me just to get up each day But it's wonderful to see that you're okay

You rolled over in bed and picked up your phone. It was almost 11:00am. You knew you had to get out of bed. Brush your teeth. Comb your hair. Eat something.

But your energy was gone. Everything felt so heavy.

The last communication was over a text message. Tom had asked when you were going to come by to get the rest of your things from his apartment. At first, you told him you weren't sure yet. He responded asking if he should just have them mailed to Jessica's, your best friend's place. You had been staying with her since the break-up.

You eventually told him that you would come to get them. But that was two weeks ago.

You opened your messages, a small part of you hoping to get a new one from him. But there was nothing.

You opened Twitter, mindlessly scrolling through, not really reading anything that was on your feed.

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her And I never got past what you put me through But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

That was when you saw it. A video of Tom, with his new girlfriend. They were caught by paparazzi coming out of a restaurant. You watched as they held hands, making their way down the sidewalk. Tom was chatting them up as usual; it was something he did to try to make what's a typically stressful situation go as smooth as possible. It was something he did when he was out with you.

A lump swelled in your throat and you tried your best to blink back tears.

He seemed totally fine. It's like he has completely moved on, even though it had only been two weeks. You started seeing photos of him and her together shortly after you broke up. You thought it was odd that he had moved on so quickly, but you also suspected that he may have been talking to her for a while, even while you two were still together.

How wonderful.

That thought made the dam broke and you started to cry again. It felt like you had been crying non-stop since things ended. You were so tired of it. Jessica, being the best friend that she was, told you it was okay to cry and that it was okay to feel. "You've been through a shock," she said. "What Tom did caught you by surprise."

She was right of course, but it still hurt.

You closed Twitter and went back to your messages. You opened the thread you had with Tom and wrote the following:

I'll come pick my stuff up today.

You closed the app and rolled over, facing the window. The sun was out and you could see the leaves from the trees rustling in the breeze. It was a beautiful spring day.

Then you heard your phone ping. You reached over to the other side of the bed and picked it up.

Tom replied.

You took a breath and opened the message.

Okay. Just text when you're on the way.

You saw through that immediately. It was so obvious that he was trying to make sure she wouldn't be there when you came. "How considerate of you."

You didn't even bother to text him back.

You set your phone down on the table and even though it felt like it took all of your strength, you rolled out of bed.

"Time to get moving."

- * -* -* - * -* -* -* - * -* -* -* - * -* -* -* - * -

Mr. "Perfect face" Mr. "Here to stay" Mr. "Looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away" Everything was right Mr. "I've been waiting for you all my life" Mr. "Every single day until the end, I will be by your side"

You and Tom met at a red carpet event for a summer Hollywood blockbuster. He already had two Spider-Man movies under his belt by then, but you were an up-and-coming actress. You were aware of him and he was aware of your work, but you had never met or spoken to one another before. However, when you saw him outside the theater, it was like sparks went off. Despite being surrounded by the press and screaming fans, all you could see was him.

Once you both were inside the venue, he asked if he could find you at the party afterward. You said "yes," trying your best not to show how eager and excited you were. Once the movie was over, you made your way to the after-party. Walking in, you felt like you were in a fairytale; a princess trying to find her prince in the crowd.

Tom found you first; he made his way from the other side of the room and offered you a drink. You never left each other's side that night; you danced, ate, drank, and left to go back to his hotel together.

You hoped that the one-night stand would turn into something more and it did.

One month turned into six, then a year, and another year. Tom was everything you wanted in a person; kind, funny, smart, and attentive. Even though you both had extremely chaotic schedules, you both made it a rule to coordinate a FaceTime every night before you went to sleep, no matter where you were in the world.

It did not take long for the press to catch on about your relationship. Since your career was not as established as Tom's, having everyone in the world find out about you made you incredibly anxious. But Tom was supportive and patient; he was also a private person, which helped. He promised to protect you.

Tom was good for you and you thought you were good for him, too. He made you feel safe and loved. You had been waiting for a relationship like this one for a long, long time.

But that was when I got to know Mr. "Change of heart" Mr. "Leaves me all alone," I fall apart

You couldn't pinpoint when exactly things changed, but it occurred over the span of a few months.

Tom started to snap more during your FaceTimes. He assured you that it was stress from having to film three movies back to back. But you knew something was off; you just couldn't tell what it was. Not long after that, your FaceTimes were getting short. The same thing would happen: Tom would lose his patience, you would get defensive, a fight would happen, and both of you would hang up.

Tom barely answered your FaceTime calls after that fight. He would always say he was busy or tired, but you knew better.

And throughout this time, the anxiety kept building up. Every day, you asked yourself what you did to upset him and if there was a way to fix it. Your communication with Tom was mostly through text messages, and you were starting to notice that when you told him you loved him, he didn't say it back.

The first time you saw him after that was in November. It was the start of the holiday break for the both of you and you wanted to have a few weeks to yourselves before having to travel to see each other's families. You arrived at the apartment you both shared in New York. After you dropped your suitcases in the bedroom, you texted him asking if he was on his way.

Hours went by. He never responded.

You heard the doorknob click around nine-thirty that evening and Tom made his way inside. He tossed his keys on the counter and went into the kitchen, not saying a word. You could tell he was tired; you were tired too. You knew better than to do this, but the anxiety and frustration that had been building up for the past few weeks finally got released.

It resulted in the biggest fight you had. You asked why he didn't respond to your text; he snapped and asked why you were always breathing down his neck. You just wanted to know what was going on; why things have been distant between you both. But Tom just kept deflecting, saying that nothing was wrong. But your anxiety wouldn't let you believe it; something was different and you knew fighting wasn't going to solve the problem. But it just didn't stop; it quickly escalated to more screaming, more crying, and slamming doors.

Tom left the apartment that night; he left you sitting on the living room floor, crying. Right before he slammed the door, he said, "I need to get away from you right now."

Hours went by and you were waiting for him to come home.

He didn't.

You ended up sleeping on the couch.

Mr. "Never told me why" Mr. "Never had to see me cry" Mr. "Insincere apology so he doesn't look like the bad guy"

Tom returned the next day. You heard him come in around the early afternoon. He was wearing the same outfit he wore yesterday. You wanted to know where he was, but you didn't ask, afraid that it would set off another fight.

Your mind wandered to what he said the night before.

"You're always nagging on me."

"Why do you think something always has to be wrong?"

"You're so fucking crazy."

"I need to get away from you."

Tom saw that you were on the couch and came to the obvious conclusion that you slept there and had not moved. He crouched down in front of you and brushed some loose strands of your hair out of your face.

"I'm sorry."

You could not tell if his apology was genuine. It honestly felt like he was only apologizing just to apologize, not because he truly meant it. But you were so tired; you wanted this to be over.

So you accepted it.

Hello Mr. "Casually cruel"

Things did not get better after that. Typical small arguments turned into big ones and minor disagreements turned into personal attacks.

It amazed you how Tom had so many casually cruel comebacks for you in his arsenal. But you were not so innocent either; some of the things you said to him surprised you.

You started to not like who you have become; you were anxious all the time now and truthfully, you really did not like hurting him. You weren't sure if you could say the same about Tom, though.

One night in February, you were sitting out on the balcony, looking over the Manhattan skyline. You were sipping your tea and heard the sliding door to the balcony open. Tom sat in the chair next to you, running his hands through his hair.

"I think..." he sighed, "....I think we need to break up."

You knew it was coming, but you still were not fully prepared. Tears swelled in your eyes and you squeezed the mug like it was your lifeline.

"We just can't keep doing this, babes," said Tom. "I can't keep doing this."

In your head, you begged him to stop. You pleaded that it was not in fact over; that you just needed to talk things through. You could definitely work through this; it was just a rough patch. But you could not say the words - because a part of you knew that he was right.

You could not keep doing it either.

Both of you sat out there for a while, not saying a word. You still squeezed the tea mug, but the tears you were holding back were falling freely now.

It was over.

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You found the energy to shower, blowdry your hair, and get changed into a white t-shirt, jeans, and green jacket. You grabbed your phone, wallet, and keys and tossed them in your handbag.

Jessica was in the kitchen eating a piece of toast. You saw how elated she was when she noticed that you showered and changed clothes. She offered to make you breakfast, but you refused.

"I'll just eat something when I come back."

"Oh!" Her eyes widened. "Where are you going?"

"I, uh...I'm going to Tom's...to get the rest of my things." You picked at the end of one of the drawstrings on your jacket.

"Will she be there?" Jessica asked.

You shook her head. "I don't think so."

Jessica nodded; you noticed that she looked a little relieved. "Well, do you want me to drive you? Just in case you see some paps along the way?"

"Oh. Them," you thought. It did not take long for the media to catch on that you two had broken up. It was partly why you had been hiding out at Jessica's for the past couple of weeks. As much as you wanted her to come with you, you knew this was something you needed to do yourself.

Jessica said she had to work tonight, but promised to come home straight after for a full report, which you laughed at. You said your goodbyes and made your way out of Jessica's building.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw that there were not any paps around. You hailed a taxi and gave the driver the address to Tom's apartment. Your old apartment.

You leaned back in the seat and pulled out your phone.

I'm on my way.

You tried not to think too much about it. If you thought about it, you would surely cry. That was the last thing you wanted to do.

The cab pulled up to the front of the building. You paid the fee and got out. You said your hello to Tony, the doorman (who was surprised to see you), and made your way through the lobby, up the elevator, and down the green carpet hall to your old unit. Room 4J

Your hands were shaking a little now, but you tried to brush it off. You turned it into a fist and lightly knocked on the door. It was just starting to hit you that this would be the last time you would set foot in this place, but you interrupted the thought.

"Damn it, you are NOT going to lose it!"

You heard movement from the other side of the door and the jiggle of the doorknob.

There was Tom.

He was wearing a black turtleneck, jeans, and socks. His chestnut hair was curly and he had what looked like a cup of tea in his hand.

"Come in."

He did not smile when he saw you; you were not expecting him to, but it stung a little.

You began to scan the apartment, trying to find anything that belonged to you. Then you heard Tom clear his throat.

"Uh...everything's in the guest bedroom," he said.

You looked at him, confused. Since when did he have a guest bedroom?

"We turned it into a spare bedroom after..." his voice trailed off near the end.

Their now guest room used to be your craft room. It had all of your paints, markers, fabrics, and colorful paper that you used to make gifts for friends, co-workers, and loved ones. Of course, all of that was packed up and in storage now.

You sighed a little and made your way down the hall to the guest room. You opened the door and saw a full bed, a dresser with a small television on it, and a bedside table with a lamp on it. In the space between the bed and the dresser was a single medium-sized cardboard box with your name written on it in big, black letters. The handwriting was Tom's.

You crouched down and opened the box. Inside was your favorite tea mug, a spare cell phone charger, some headphones, a scarf, and a paintbrush set you left behind. At the bottom of the box, was a small, red photo album.

You knew immediately what that was. You bit your lip and swallowed. "I'll open that another time," you thought.

You folded the box back up and tucked it under your arm as you got to your feet. You made your way back to the living area and saw Tom sitting on the couch, with his arms crossed. When he saw you enter the room, he got to his feet.

"Do you need help with that?" he asked.

You shook your head. "No," you answered, shortly, "I got it."

Tom let out a small sigh and followed you to the door. You wanted to get out of there. You could feel the dam was about to break. Just as your hand was about to twist the doorknob, you heard Tom's voice let out a small, "I'm sorry."

You bit your lip and lowered your head. "Don't do this! Not here!" you begged yourself. "You don't have to apologize, Tom," you said, surprised that you were even able to get that out of you. Your hand was still clenching the doorknob.

"Y/N, can we please talk?" Tom asked. "I just need to clear the air on a few things."

You could tell he was a little desperate for this. Part of you wondered if this was something he had planned all along. You knew you did not owe him anything, but part of you wanted to hear him out.

You turned around and set the box on top of the kitchen counter. You leaned against the counter, crossing your arms. "Do you want to sit down?" Tom offered. You shook your head. "No thanks."

And it's really such a shame It's such a shame 'Cause I was Miss "Here to stay" Now I'm Miss "Gonna be alright someday" And someday maybe you'll miss me But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late"

So Tom stood too. He looked you in the eye the entire time he spoke, but he also twiddled his fingers.

"I'm sorry that we ended things the way we did. I'm sorry for the way I treated you, how I yelled at you and insulted you. No one should ever have to hear those words, and I know I should have treated you better. I'm truly sorry."

You swallowed the lump in your throat and bit the inside of your cheek. This was all you wanted - a genuine apology. Now that you finally got it, you weren't sure how to process it.

But you knew you better say something, too.

"I-I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for how I treated you, too. I said some horrible things to you, too, and I wish I could take them back. I'm sorry."

The damn started to break now. A few small tears started to roll down your cheeks. You wiped them away with your sleeve, hoping it would hinder the rest.

There was so much more that you wanted to say to him, but you knew if you did, you would not be able to control yourself. Tom took a step closer to, with the intent to give you a hug. But you held your hand up to stop him, which he respected.

That was when you took a step closer to him, stood on your tiptoes, and kissed him on his cheek.

"Goodbye, Tom," you said, your voice cracking. "Thank you." "I wish you well."

You did not give him the time to speak. You quickly turned around, grabbed the box from the counter, and walked out the door.

You pushed through the doors of the building and walked out into the street. You got lucky again and immediately hailed a cab before saying goodbye to Tony.

On your ride home, you watched people pass on the sidewalk. The box was resting in your lap. The tears you had been working so hard to hold back were starting to fall. But you did not feel any tinge of sadness, anger, or any pain. The feeling in your chest was mostly bittersweet.

You accepted that that was probably the last time you were ever going to see Tom, and you were beginning to feel okay with that. You were also beginning to feel happy that he was fine. Despite the pain that the both of you endured, you truly just wanted to see him happy. And now you finally knew that he wants the same for you too.

You reached up and wiped away the tears that were still rolling down your cheeks. A part of you will always love Tom, but after today, you can finally take the steps to move on.

You know you will be perfectly fine too someday.

Goodbye Mr. "Perfectly fine" How's your heart after breakin' mine? Mr. "Always at the right place at the right time," baby Goodbye Mr. "Casually cruel" Mr. "Everything revolves around you" I've been Miss "Misery" for the last time And you're Mr. "Perfectly fine" You're perfectly fine

Click here to read Part II (Changing Minds)

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #taylor swift #mr. perfectly fine #mr perfectly fine #fic: perfectly fine #fandom: rpf #rpf: tom holland #ch: ofc #ch: reader

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