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murder-of-crowz · 2 years
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The hour grows late
Yet my eyes remain open
As they are wont to do on nights
Where memories are my dearest friends
My heart longs for a time past
Yet is also content where it is
I have loved and I have lost
I have sat and watched time take its course
Yet I still feel so young at times
I died a boy
At times I worry if despite my years
I ever became a man
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murder-of-crowz · 2 years
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When it's good, then it's good
It's all good till it goes bad
Till you try to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again!
Broken down in agony
Just tryin' to find a friend
Ohhh
Oh-ohhh
I'm safe up high
Nothing can touch me
Why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
(Sober ~P!nk)
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murder-of-crowz · 2 years
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I actually don't recall ever seeing a positivity post for ppl w ongoing amnesia caused by trauma disorders. I'm not talking just repressed childhood memories, I mean perpetual long-term memory loss. I mean continuing to forget non-traumatic things that happened or ppl you knew a few years or even months ago. I mean struggling to retain any information you're learning if you don't constantly go over the same material over and over again, and losing it all once you stop repeating it
If you have amnesia like me, you matter. We navigate the world a bit differently but that's okay. Just bc our brains are broken doesn't mean we can't live happy and fulfilling lives. Be patient w yourself when learning new things. Surround yourself w compassionate ppl who love to tell you stories abt past exploits you may have forgotten. Also, hey, who else gets to watch a movie for the first time every time? Above all be kind to yourself.
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murder-of-crowz · 2 years
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[text: this system has members who don't identify with being fictives anymore. ]
Like/Reblog if you save or use
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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My DID brain at this point after going through even the mildest of inconveniences.
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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Psychotic people NEED more coping mechanisms that aren’t just “take your meds” . Seeing a psychiatrist is expensive and inaccessible for many, not to mention the fact that for some people, the side effects of antipsychotics are worse than the psychosis itself, and the fact that antipsychotics often don’t remove symptoms entirely!
So, here’s what I learned, after nearly a decade of being unmedicated due to financial constraints and a religious family that was fairly anti-psychiatry for most of my life:
- STRESS MANAGEMENT. A stress-free life is impossible in this society, but you can definitely lower your stress levels with lifestyle changes. Stay hydrated, exercise, take your vitamins, spend time with loved ones, eat nutritious meals, spend some time outside in nature.
- It’s very hard to keep on top of all of this when you’re dealing with negative symptoms, and many of us can’t access all those things if we’re poor, but every little bit helps. To-do lists and bullet journals help me keep on track with this stuff.
- PROPER SLEEP. Sleep deprivation is one of the number one causes of psychosis. Try to get at least 8 hours a night, or however much your body personally needs.
- Stay away from weed unless you already know for a FACT that it doesn’t negatively affect you. If you don’t know, don’t risk it, because it makes paranoia and other psychotic symptoms much worse for most of us.
- When in an episode, it’s good to have a safe person around who you can confide in. Someone who will listen to you nonjudgementally, without encouraging your delusions or hallucinations. If you don’t have a safe person, psychosis forums, support groups, or even just a private diary are all good places to get your thoughts out.
- One of the best ways I dealt with some of my less intense delusions and paranoias was my “I Don’t Care” method. People are watching me through cameras everywhere I go? Whatever, let them watch. I’ll put on a little show for them while we’re at it. I’m living in a horrifying simulation and if I just look through the cracks I can see the rotting world beneath? Whatever, why would I want to do that? This fake milkshake tastes pretty good, I’m going to go on a fake walk.
- Obviously this takes some practice, because psychosis activates all the parts of your brain that are like FEAR ALERT, FEAR ALERT, SET ALL SYSTEMS TO PANIC, but after some time it’s a skill you can hone pretty well.
- Breathing exercises! Tormented by horrifying prophetic visions? Hallucinating bugs all over your body? Your food looks suspiciously like human organs and that’s really freaking you out, man? Wrap yourself in a weighted blanket and breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, hold, and repeat.
- Avoid the tempting cycle of triggering yourself on purpose, whether it be self harm, curiosity, what have you. When you get the urge, do something distracting instead.
Feel free to add onto this post anything else you’ve learned!
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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F*ck, f*ck, f*ck...nononononono...I don't want to see you f*ckers. I hate this. Why is it always when I'm at my worst that you all always show up...I hate this so much. I don't wanna see them...I hate being afraid of them...
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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Nope nuhuh not dealing with watchers tonight no siree...I do not see it I am looking away.
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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Ok so just ya'll ever had a thing that was such huge part of your childhood that at least one alter from it stuck around...For us that was the bible ^_^
Anyone wanna add you can
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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polyfragmented systems be like
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and then thats not even half of all alters that have been around throughout your life
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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A little infographic on relationships I wanted to make because I’ve seen some misconceptions out there! Had a lot of fun making it! Hope yall enjoy.
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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I'm not allowed to front when we eat anymore bc apparently finishing off a container of something the body has a minor allergy to is "irresponsible" and I "can't be trusted around food anymore."
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
As for the future, I'll take my time and think carefully. For the road ahead, let me be on my own.
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
I want to bring a man back to Cloud Recesses. Bring him back and hide him here.
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Tell me how can you tell? Just who is good and who is evil? Who is black and who is white?
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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I made this over on my aesthetic blog that I'm trying to run
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~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
I am now the monster I once feared. The world is not as scary as I was told. It was its people who brought my tears. For carrying another's burden was harder than my own.
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murder-of-crowz · 3 years
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Me: hey look! A new alter!
The alter: I’ve been around for like 8 years now
Me: eh?? 😀
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