I miss you and I hope you're doing well 💘

Ditto, love ❤ Give Munch a kiss for me.

I still have one!

It took three people to change Trystan's third poopy diaper today. THREE PEOPLE

Can I just start yesterday over?

Having to sit back and watch someone go down a heartbreaking path once again is draining. She's thinks she knows what grown means- freedom to do whatever she wants regardless of how dangerous it is just because she wants to do it. How do I just sit here? One of the hardest things I've done. I told her I won't always be here to pick up the pieces and it's the truth. She's the third sibling I've watched go down a destructive path. Nothing I've ever said made any effect with them so I'm not even bothering now. Is that bad? Sigh. Im exhausted and it's only been 40 minutes since I found out.

Drinking lots of water is cool.

Needing to piss every 30 minutes is not cool

Boy does it straight up melt my heart when Trystan hugs my legs 😍

Being a SAHM

My MIL has been dropping not-so-subtle hints that I should get a job since we are living with her because of Blake taking a new job where he wants to be even though it was a major pay cut. We can't afford rent around here (even if I did get a job) and our credit is shot so that's a no to buying a house. Thanks student loans! 🙃So if I got a job, it would be minimum wage because all I've ever done is personal child care as a Nanny so I have so experience "in the real work force." My pay would go to daycare for our son, and good daycare. None of these bumpkin places making money off of barely caring for the children in the daycare. Blake and I had a big discussion about it and he put me at peace. He said he wants me to be home with Trystan. Period. That he'd rather me be home to raise happy, healthy children than put them in a daycare where he would get so individual time, just a part of the crowd here. He knows it makes me valences and happy to be home with my child, keeping house, and cooking. I never got to take care of my needs as a child so now that I can, I don't want to stop. We live in a small southern town so resources for childcare are slim to none. Most people have a family member watch their child/ren for free. Call me picky, but I don't trust any of my family or Blake's to watch our child over night, much less five days a week. We want our children to break the molds. We wants to break the molds parents are forced to be here. Well. What a rant. I could go on too lmao

Trystan slept for 12.5 hours last night 🙌🏻 Mama got some gooooood rest with a bonus of good, sexy dreams 😘 Daddy didn't sleep well, unfortunately and he's the one at work. That's just how it goes sometimes. Parent life, am I right?

I'm officially a mom. Found goldfish on my floorboards while cleaning out my car Hahaha the past 13 months weren't proof enough.

So I’ve been avoiding looking at myself or weighing myself since I’ve been running and weightlifting a couple times a week. I just don’t want to see lack of progress you know? My body feels great and my back doesn’t hurt as bad when I get in the floor and play with Trystan. Those are good signs to me so I haven’t felt the need to validate anything. Mostly because I don’t want to discourage myself. I bought a couple shirts a few days ago and I wanted to wear one today because it’s long sleeved and would keep me warm today. I put it on and looked in the mirror from the side like normal expecting to see a huge tummy bulge from my mommy belly… and I didnt. Of course it still there but… it’s finally not disgusting to me. It’s smaller, less noticeable. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mommy body because I carried my perfect son there. My husband never once has ever complained or treated me differently. Nor has any of my family. Just me. And I finally feel good, you guys. Finally. I have so so so much farther to go because this is only the beginning but who gives a shit. I feel good with myself.

Hello again!

I'm really wanting to get back into blogging again. Not that I was ever really into it lmao mostly reblogs. But I want that to change because I need an outlet to get my thoughts/ideas out. So, here we go...