infinitesadnessorhope - Tumblr blog

infinitesadnessorhope · 2 years

Text

To Kill Its Power

First published on my current site With These Wings catereddell.wordpress.com

View On WordPress

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 2 years

Text

To Kill Its Power

It’s been a while. And there’s a reason for that. Not the usual writer’s block but rather simply not knowing how to “do it” anymore. I’m talking about writing the post. Stick with me and I’m going to try to “do it”. I’ll explain as we go along. There won’t be anything fancy, just text, because I simply don’t know how to do that stuff anymore. It seems to have gone from my brain and I’m back to…

View On WordPress

1 note · View note

infinitesadnessorhope · 3 years

Text

Wanted: A Village

Imagine you’re running an ultra marathon. I’m talking miles and miles (kilometres in my part of the woods), in desert conditions. The good thing is you know there’s an end. In spite of the pain and immense fatigue, you know you will eventually arrive at the finish. And you know, that should you become injured, you can always pull out. But what if you don’t know there’s an end? Or you don’t even…

View On WordPress

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 3 years

Text

What Can I Do?

Aka: “Be Kind To Each Other” This past week I had to ask for help. It has been a particularly hard week for health. Pain levels have been high and fatigue was through the floorboards. I needed help! Chronic illnesses meant that I wasn’t coping physically. I was managing to feed myself but that was about it. I managed one shower in seven days, and after that one I need a rest. You’d never think…

View On WordPress

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 3 years

Text

Ten Years Later

““Drop, Cover, and Hold!” This coming Monday, my city of Christchurch, New Zealand will remember that ten years ago, an earthquake would strike and leave us forever changed. We who lived it will never forget where we were and what happened around us. My family will also remember that this is the day we changed. I know what it’s like to live through a major earthquake… I don’t know what life is…

View On WordPress

1 note · View note

infinitesadnessorhope · 3 years

Link

1 note · View note

infinitesadnessorhope · 3 years

Text

A Normal Woman

Content Warning: Sexual Abuse Lately, I’ve been hanging out on the floor a little more than I’d prefer. Thanks to neck and back pain caused mostly by fibromyalgia, I’ve been flat on the floor with my knees to feet up on the couch. It straightens out and relaxes the muscles far better than any opioid does. For me, anyway. Lying there is a great place to think, meditate, listen to my music or…

View On WordPress

2 notes · View notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 3 years

Text

We Are The Same

Smile. Easily done. Right? Right from when we are born, people around us want us to smile. We indicate to people that we are happy, and even about who we are, by smiling. It’s so simple. No need for words. Just smile. And in the days of emojis and smiley faces, we are even more pushed towards that smile indicating that all is well. When I was in the depth of depression, I remember my mother…

View On WordPress

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 4 years

Text

Fourteen

Content Warning: This post includes the subject of sexual abuse and may be disturbing for some readers.

“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage. – Bessel Van Der Kolk

I have kept a secret for over forty years now. Kept because of shame.

View On WordPress

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 4 years

Text

Norah's Daughter

Norah’s Daughter

“Who are you?” “I am Norah’s daughter.”

Nothing else mattered. I almost lost myself. But at the time, it was what I knew was what Norah, my mother, needed.

“You must be Norah’s daughter?” Yes, I am Norah’s daughter.”

“This is Norah, and I am her daughter.”

The only time this changed was when, that I had legal care of Mum was more important than being her daughter.

View On WordPress

#Alzheimer&039;s #Alzheimer&039;s Disease #Daughter #Dementia #Family #Grief #grieving #Health #Hope #Mother #Mother-Daughter Relationship #Mum #Purpose #Relationships

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 4 years

Text

Dona Nobis Pacem - 2019

Dona Nobis Pacem – 2019

(Grant Us Peace)

When I was thinking about what I would write today for BlogBlast4Peace, my mind kept coming back to this unfinished quilt on the image above. It seems to symbolize how I am thinking of peace. How I am thinking about the way in which we all contribute to peace in this world.

I have made many quilts across the years, all completely hand-sewn. This one came to a halt about 10 years…

View On WordPress

#4 November #Blog for Peace #BlogBlast4Peace #Contribution #Individual Contribution #Patchwork #Peace #Peace Globe #Quilt #Quilting #World Peace

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 4 years

Text

In Repair

Ignore this one. I’m in repair!

Thanks

Cate

View On WordPress

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 4 years

Text

bb

View On WordPress

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 5 years

Text

And That's What Matters

And That’s What Matters

It was six weeks ago. A phone call from the Nurse Manager, at the hospital where Mum had been for the past three months, on a morning when I had decided my fatigue was too much to go see Mum. The Manager told me Mum had collapsed moments ago. We had long since planned for this moment and she was wanting to check my ‘end of life instructions’ for Mum. But I didn’t really get it.

A few moments…

View On WordPress

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 5 years

Text

How Much Mud?

Do you feel like your feet are stuck in mud? You know, that feeling when you try to pull your boots out of the mud and a suction is formed? It is either the mud or your boots. What will it be?

Right now I feel very much like my boots are stuck in mud. The mud won’t let me go. And let’s face it. Even when the mud subsides, my boots will never be the same again. Actually, maybe I will never be the…

View On WordPress

#Aftermath #Animals #Anything but okay #Care #Choices #Earthquake #Grief #Hardship #Hobbes #Loss #Mental Health #Pets #Re-homing #Relationships #Suffer #Suffering

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 6 years

Text

World Suicide Prevention Day 2018 (Late)

Yes, I’m late. World Suicide Prevention Day was last Monday, but I didn’t quite get there. My excuse? Well, the short version is a bad toothache followed by really bad fatigue. It doesn’t sound like much of an excuse on a particularly important awareness day, but it was at the time. It completely put me off track with my writing. My apologies to the organising committee for not getting it right…

View On WordPress

0 notes

infinitesadnessorhope · 6 years

Text

Don't Call Me A Monster

Don’t Call Me A Monster

I knew I was a monster by the time I was fifteen. Everything had gone bad. I had no understanding of the things I was doing and saying. Neither did anyone around me. Well, the people who knew and that was only my immediate family. I would be too ashamed to admit it to anyone else, even though I desperately needed help.

My parents wanted to help me but had no idea how. They wondered whether this…

View On WordPress

0 notes