imeverythingyoueverwanted - Tumblr blog

imeverythingyoueverwanted · 29 days

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i feel seventeen again

ive got seashells for hands

and im shining iridescent

drifting far from land

i turn purple when you turn pink

your blues fill my gree

water flows through algae

ill be your girl if you want me

#poetry #freeverse #ocean #seashell #iridescent #blue #ocean city #seventeen #seventeen again

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 1 month

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This spiritual, often physical experience

to be the first to dive in with a stretched, long body and pointed toes

with desire to submit

The body responds to being fully submerged,

constant pressure and robust forces

Lost in the currents and the waves

then to be the last one out,

the only one swimming

sometimes the shadows look malicious

I forget they come from my own strokes forward

And the things that accompany me

sink weight further into the depths

Submission turns to restriction

The body remembers being fully submerged again

Do you remember to swim when this happens? Do you flail aimlessly as you descend?

The weight of it all grows while drowning intensifies

Consumption feels subsequent.

When finally looking up from the tiled floor

I forget that my own strokes propel me forward

up and out of the water, emerging from my own fears

"do you remember to swim when full submerged?"

#poetry #swimming #freeverse #failure #water #submission #restriction #consumption #lgbt

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 3 months

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i've spent so much time resting, i memorized the colors in my dreams, the textures and reflections. I see it enough to make it, to feel it this time. to breath life into it.

#free writing

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 3 months

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i find myself spending less and less time with people. its exciting to be alone, to talk to myself. im learning to give myself grace. at the same time the people i am trying to be around ive gotten closer to. the relationship burns brighter. to be lonely in the physical but satisfied mentally alone. im bouncing back and forth. what do i really desire?

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 3 months

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BTS of the burrow trails

bottom two videos are areas and angles i plan on filming. top video is me in my bedroom planning poses, movements, shadows and silhouettes i might like. the outfit has some work to do.

#fashion #digi cam #daydream #diy #indie sleaze #photographer #midwestern #country #ethelcain #blood orange #dijon

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 4 months

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self portraits in #swagbyrobel

an outfit that im obsessed with.

#fashion #diy #designer #digi cam #daydream #indie sleaze #photographer #cyber #nyc #the hellp #ethel cain #nonbinary #lgbtqia #wig #pleasers #swag

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 4 months

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self portrait serious #swagbyrobel

#swagbyrobel #fashion #digi cam #daydream #indie sleaze #photographer #nyc #scene #stripper core #cam girl #pleasers #swag

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 5 months

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i have these really big ideas and really big dreams. i just need the confidence and the patience to make it work in real life. to trust in myself.

#bull #horse #horses #cowboys #western #equestrian #clip #cream soda #digi cam #montage

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 5 months

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nyc late summer/early fall

brooklyn

song is by Maryyx2!!!

#brooklyn #new york city #manhattan #nyc #vlog #clubbing #queer #dj #dyad #clubkids #photographer #swag

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 5 months

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groomed the same way

#poetry #fashion #designer #diy #blond #portrait #self portrait #digi cam #button down #self care #hair

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 5 months

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last nights siren

#prom #indie sleaze #blond #self portrait #siren #daydream #mystic #fashion #diy #mysticism

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 5 months

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american dream girl

#ethel cain #indie sleaze #america core #the hellp #blonde #digi cam #dream world #fake body

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 5 months

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do you like him more than me now

#blond #dressup #selfportrait #digi #digitalcam #portrait #queer #fake body #ethel cain #lady gaga #cher #character design #witch #siren #sirencore #model

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 5 months

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2024 started with what felt like a broken back. the science community says every 7 years every cell in your body regenerates. maybe that first day i felt the residual 7 years melt from my body through stinging tears. the last year was tough, but the last 7 have been an accumulation of hell. rejection, displacement, betrayal, i wonder when it will calm. when the anger that makes my body violently shake will release. iv'e been struggling for years and with humble exhaustion i wait for my reward. maybe still i must wait, as my Saturn influence takes years to develop, but still i pray for confirmation along the way. to be so talented means to have so many avenues. i am directionless, and i used to think i knew everything. but i am a child and i just learned to tie my shoes.

#poetry #freeverse #astrology #spirituality

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imeverythingyoueverwanted · 5 months

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how can i feel secure when both parents have run from me?

both avoidant and distant. cold and sadistic.

to grow older is to grow more distant, but not from the actions of my own.

should i crawl on all fours to the bosom of my mothers chest?

i cannot, for her beating heart does not beat for me, nor within sync of mine.

so i wither away growing further and further.

long forgotten the instinct of mine own support i turn within to self soothe and maternal care

hush now, i tell myself, we'll be alright