Most hypocritical healthcare worker

(Took these on my breaks)

Also ik hardly been on here again cus I’ve been feeling like shittt and all I’ve done is go to work, they’re talking about admitting me, tryna skurt my way out of it ah

1. Whats ur cal intake?

2. Do u throw up?

Recently it’s been 800-1000 depending on exercise, used to purge a lot but now it’s rare, only when the guilt is unbearable

Where do you get wigs from? I'm getting hair loss from my ed and don't know how to go about getting a wig

I had one made for me cus I had cancer so that was done by charity, but my other ones were from Amazon and nadula, the key I found for searching is always going for lace front and always try and get them as thin as possible, when u get them there are loads of YouTube tutorials for plucking and thinning wigs to make them look more natural, also getting a wig band for when ur wearing them also helps (cheap on Amazon) to prevent itchiness and headaches

Bmi 14 for xmas, edging into the bmi 13’s soon, things are getting hard, still being monitored by hospital unfortunately, glad my ribs are still visible even after downing a litre of Coke Zero lol

Recent body checks

I finished all my chemo, I started treatment at 42kg now I’m averaging about 36kg but heading towards 35kg, I remember when I started treatment they put me on steroids for a few weeks, said “oh yeh ur gonna gain loads of weight which is good cus u have a low bmi” and I ended up losing lmfao, was hard when u have a ravenous appetite but I made it through, then a few months later they shoved a damn ng tube in me, took months but eventually gained like 3kg, although they wanted me to gain at least 7kg, they thought they made a breakthrough and cured me but as soon as I got home, lost it all and more, I’ve always been conscious to lose slowly as they still monitor my weight and I don’t want too much attention to it but now I’ve finished treatment it’ll only be every few months I’ll be getting checks so now worlds my oyster and I can do what I want

Here’s some body checks from before my most recent surgery + last week

Lost another kilo

Hi, was just wondering what exactly you do? (As in I eat hi-res and exercise 3/4 hrs a day + generally hate myself.) I know you were already pretty thin prior to the cancer, but just curious as to what your disordering schedule/checklist was like these days if you have one.

Basically my biggest advice is to calculate ur bmr through a bmr/tdee calculator online and eat less cals than that ( I generally have less than 1000) then walk at least 30 mins a day but preferably much more than that, also avoid binging as much as u can, so include small amounts of ur favourite cravings, rewire ur brain to be happy with small portions, when binge urges come as a result of hunger- have an extra snack if u rlly need it as this is much better than a full on binge, focus on high protein and high fibre as these fill u up the best- small amounts of carbs for energy if needed, best of luck my love I hope I could be of some help ❤️

Body check last night not sucking it lol

Body checkk, I’ve been properly working out other than walking so I think my legs have a lot more shape, gonna lose more so then the will muscles show through, I’m under 36kg at least, my bmi is 14.4 (although I defo don’t look it lmfao) but I wanna get it in the 13s

Y’all soz I’ve been gone landed up in hospital cus cancer playing up again lol but since been out I’ve lost 2kg and gonna lose at least another 2, been exercising again meaning I’m fckn exhausted from chemo and exercise but mind over matter, I’ll be done chemo later this year thank god, also my hair has grown back well 👀🕺, first body checks were taken before my chemo appointment today in the hospital so excuse the background lmfao

It’s so niche to have an ed and have cancer, like u would think I would have thrown the whole starving and punishing myself with exercise thing out the window when I was told I had an aggressive form of leukaemia and was going to have years of chemo but it just made me worse and even more restrictive, it’s truly the only thing I can control. I can’t control whether or not I see my friends/family, spend my time at home or at hospital, work, go to college, medical procedures, my hair falling, fatigue and other chemo side effects etc. but I can control what I eat or don’t eat, I can’t even fully control my weight because sometimes I have to be on iv fluids for days at a time to flush the chemo out of me so of course there’ll be fluid retention (I once gained 12lbs overnight just from fluid, it took 2/3 days to come off lmfao) So then I’m in constant battles with docs and dieticians, I was forced to have an ng tube for a while but i got it out once my arms had enough strength again, now it’s just been me avoiding ensures and faking weigh ins, I’ve been maintaining the weight I like I have no desire to lose much more mainly cus I want to have some energy to have a social life again but I’m much lower than what they think I am, I literally put stones and coins in underwear and hide coins and key chains in my wig lmfao, and I drink loads of water, and just generally try to add as much weight as possible so they get off my back cus I cba with them I hate them so fucking much

Wanna kys, just be like me and get cancer then refuse treatment , I hope this shit finishes me off I’m so fucking miserable

Ik I still look so chunky but I’m gradually fixing it, I was proud of my xmas fit lol

Also I got diagnosed with bpd, so much makes sense now lmfao

My hairs finally growing back in as I can see on bottom left xd

Also just wanna be open cus I get a lot of questions about how I lost weight n that, just know that binging happens, I still binge sometimes but it used to be awful , the way I got out of it was setting my cal limit higher, as in over 1000 cals, ik loads of ppl will be like “no don’t eat over 1000 that’s fat behaviour blah blah blah” but those are often the same ppl who are stuck in a binge restrict cycle and never actually lose any substantial amount of weight for a longer period of time, that doesn’t make them any less valid but believe me there are a lot of non transparent ppl in the online ana scene, binging happens but it can be managed and it doesn’t make u any less worthy ❤️

Also ps ik I’m not the skinniest so maybe I’m not the best person to give advice but I have lost over 40lbs and kept it off so 🤷‍♂️

I’m still so self conscious of my left leg, as u can see it’s smaller than my right leg cus surgery but it bugs me so much, generally I’m still so self conscious and I feel so guilty all the time, hospital weighing me monthly and it makes me even more paranoid, but I’m exercising properly again rather than just restricting so that’s made things easier, btw photos on left are from early 2021 and photos on right are from today