i miss you oomfie </3

OH NO I MISS EVERYBODY TOO i became a two job haver and now all my free time is spent, like, sleeping. but i am sending u all a kiss 😽

Identified as genderfluid/enby for several years now (actually just counted in my head and its almost been a decade, what?!) but I've been thinking recently I might actually be a trans man but I keep going back and forth on whether I am or not and feeling very confused (which like I know is all just part of the process but I thought I was done with this and had figured it out!)

All of this is to say reading A Few Things Worth Saying and I just understood Ben's desire to fuck with a penis when he realised that was an option while also still liking the body he was in so so much. Like it makes so much sense to me. And the idea of having that opportunity, getting to fuck with a penis when you only previously have had a vagina. God that sounds amazing.

And I know there's crossover between enby and binary tran people's experiences and I know genitalia or desired genitalia doesn't equate to gender but i just related to it so Intimately on such a deep level that I've realised I am a man.

All of this waffle is just to say thanks for helping me figure it out I guess. Haha god this message is weird but I wanted to express my gratitude somehow but as a comment on ao3 felt too exposed so here we are.

ohhhhh i hope it's okay that i'm publishing this bc i want to thank you for sending it and making me happy cry ToT i wrote that pornography directly from my soul and saying 'it means a lot to me' is not enough for how it feels to know that it resonated with another person this much. but it does mean a lot to me. holy shit

do you think Diego gets over his kinda fragile masculinity by getting pegged by Lila

i think diego has gone on a long and lovely character arc in which he learns that his value as a person doesn't stem from his performance of strength but from his genuine passion and care, and lila's strap game simply sealed the deal. drove it in, if you will

Angela walks into Mohinder's office three weeks after Claire's jump and says, "I have somewhere for you to go."

Mohinder had three weeks to prepare himself for the inevitability of having his office walked into. The thing he says, now that it’s actually happening, is, "What?"

[read on ao3]

hi listen this got away from me but people need to understand

why do you think klaus didn’t react that much to ben going into the light?

my short boring answer is that there was too much main plot stuff going on and pacing-wise it wouldn’t have really worked for klaus to spend screentime having a personal arc crisis at the end of the season lmao, i kinda wish we'd gotten the scene of him going around asking ghosts if they’d seen ben but ultimately i think the shot of him on the bed did everything it needed to do without breaking the flow of the story

longer less boring answer, i don’t think of it as him not reacting, so much as like … how do you react to abruptly losing the person you’ve spent every second of the past decade and a half with? what do you even do with yourself? we see klaus right after he loses dave, which was violent and terrifying, and he reacts pretty reasonably for having just lost someone he loved violently and terrifyingly. but klaus passes out and wakes up, and ben is just like, gone??? he doesn’t see it happen, there’s no one horrible final moment, so he doesn’t have anything to react to. it’s just his new state of being. viktor is the only person who can even confirm that it was real to him, and they still can’t really commiserate about it; viktor already grieved ben with everybody else

so imo klaus is completely in shock, and that conversation with viktor is the only anchor he has to even begin to wrap his head around the magnitude of ben being gone. i don’t think that him getting upset or breaking down in tears would have rung true for me personally, but let me tell you i felt that silent thousand-yard stare in my soul ): and then before he gets a chance to maybe sit down and do some processing, ope, look at that, it’s ben but alive and even more mean, here to complicate absolutely everything

also hello friends i have been in a writing hole but unfortunately the thing i have been writing is fic for nbc's heroes (2006-2010), apologies to almost everybody who follows me

thoughts on S4 having 6 eps? im doubting they'll be able to wrap up EVERYONES shit. especially if they time skip =[

god yeah on the one hand the fact that we’re getting a fourth season at all is a testament to how good the show is, and i 100% trust them to make something really lovely within their constraints, but on the other hand man the streaming era has gotten bleak lmao

in any case it’s gonna have to be an airtight story and i know what u gays are here for so this is me renewing my sacred vow that if they can’t give us a canon klave version i will write one!! and everybody else should too >:3

"remember nbc hannibal?" i have never for one minute of my life forgotten about nbc hannibal

"Do you need another pair of hands?" Julian asks.

Kelas has juice on his chin, which he dabs with the heel of his palm. "Hands? No." He beckons with sticky fingers, says, "Come here, karyut."

The translator never figured out what to do with karyut. Standard doesn't have an endearment for husband-of-my-husband - support, perhaps, for Garak's opinion that the Federation's language does its citizens a romantic disservice. Julian's been relying less on translations, anyway.

[read on ao3]

do you think klaus told allison everything about his relationship with dave?

she seemed to know what he was talking about during the scene at the salon with viktor, so she got the basics somewhere along the line!! i don’t know how much of a chance they would’ve gotten in the timeline of the show apart from the morning at her house in the 60s, but i feel in my heart that klaus and ali have a long-standing tradition of discussing hotties, and they resurrected it over their little blender drinks. she got to hear about dave, he got to hear about ray - maybe less giggling than they did when they were fourteen, considering the circumstances, but i think it’d feel good for both of them to talk things out with one of the only other people in the world who might actually Get It

do you have any headcanons for klaus’ first time? (not klave, just his first time having sex)

i DO but unfortunately they are kind of GRIM ): but yeah the entire reason i started writing tua fic three years ago was the ‘i remember my first time oh wait no i don’t’ line in s1, idk man rob’s little melancholy face activated something primal in me

there’s definitely an implication that he might have been taken advantage of, to put it mildly, and people have done a lot of really good exploration of that!! personally, i see that line as either meaning that everything from that period of his life was such a blur that the specific moment doesn’t stand out in his memory, or that there was a specific moment he remembers but he only put together what had happened after the fact. either way, i think it speaks to the way klaus has always distanced himself from his own life - even in the best case scenario, where he was able to give reasonably informed consent and he had a fantastic time while it was happening, he wasn’t really there for it. i don’t see klaus as someone who sets much store on his first sexual experience as anything other than the beginning of a lifelong magical journey, but i do think that that gap in his memory is part of a broader pattern that bums him out if he thinks about it too hard

as far as the first times for things he does remember, i think he walked out of them as the human embodiment of the nail care emoji. klaus ‘icon and sex god’ hargreeves. like whatever he just did was probably pretty mediocre, first times trying things usually are, but more importantly there was no way anybody else in his family including dad had ever even heard of it. except maybe ben. sorry ben

What are your thoughts on a Klaus on the ace spectrum? Maybe it's because I'm ace as well but I often see a disconnect between the way he talks and acts when it comes to sex. He's often portrayed as quite childlike an dorky, and the whole scene with Dave in the bar showed him surprisingly shy for someone who's done this for over a decade. While I love your headcanons I often find it difficult to imagine them with the way I see canon Klaus because of this.

oh yeah i can see it for sure!! i'm in the 'klaus is hypersexual as a trauma response' camp, but that's just my personal haute take, and also that's definitely not incompatible with ace klaus?? like, the few times we do hear about him having sex in canon, they're situations he's pretty disconnected from, and it would make sense for that to come down to a lack of actual attraction as much as anything else. it also makes sense for some of his nerves with dave to stem from crossing sex with romantic feelings for the first time, and not actually being sure what that looks like for him - i think that stays true whether or not klaus has the added conflict of his attraction to dave being different than what he thinks dave expects. i would read this fic, is what i'm saying

rank the hargreeves’ love interests based on how close the would be with Dave?

omg i love doing this, okay, least close to closest:

5. dolores, i mean they’ve had about the same amount of screentime, maybe they could bond over that

4. lila, i think dave is mystified and fascinated by her, and he respects her the way you respect tornadoes or other inexorable forces of nature. also he appreciates that she gives klaus Sexy Ideas To Try, because even when they’re objectively bad ideas, they’re at least funny. but i think if it was just the two of them in a room, he’d be privately mapping the exits. out of respect

3. sissy, and to be clear i think she and dave would get along super well!! but out of the three that are left, i think sissy has the driest sense of humor, and dave would have to be in a certain mood to really gel with it. he’s absolutely in that mood sometimes though. they have had kvetch sessions for the ages

2. sloane, she’s a very close second but i’m putting her here because as sweet and funny as she is, she still has a degree of distance from like, Normal Human Life, and i think they’d stumble over that occasionally. but oh my god they’d be such a cute duo, they have little lunch dates and try a new restaurant every time

1. ray and dave is a sacred combo to me, they have to set a timer when they start talking because otherwise they’ll just go until someone interrupts them. they could and would hash out a lot of heavy post-sixties trauma together, but like just from the few canon facts we have, we know they’re both nerds, and they’re both wife guys. i barely even have to extrapolate here. their double dates last for like five hours and klaus and ali aren’t even mad about it

and i just realized this is klaus’s list in reverse lmao uh, opposites attract i guess

you are the first person i’ve seen that think sissy and klaus would be close. People usually pair her with allison or luther when it comes to her hargreeves besties but i love your headcanon. Why do you think they would get along so well?

aaah thank you!! honestly, i pull at least half my sissy thoughts from that one early scene with her and viktor in the barn, where they’re smoking and shooting the shit. our girl sissy has Lived A Life, and even if that life wasn’t as objectively wild as klaus’s life, i think she’s coming at the world with the same … unphased-ness i guess?? the unflappability that you get from being deeply miserable for a very very long time. i think klaus appreciates that kind of bluntness and candor when it’s earnest, and once sissy gets comfortable and/or tipsy with him, i see her doing like, whatever the polar opposite of self-censorship is, and the two of them just going on a tear. she has such a quick sense of humor, too, they’d have so much fun together

sissy and ali is an incredible combo though oh my god. so is sissy and luther. sissy and anybody is a good combo. i love sissy so much