f4irysu3 - Tumblr blog

f4irysu3 · 1 year

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TW: ED

🤍

My New Diet Plan

I’ve been seeing no results due to my greediness and inability to portion control and reduce the frequency at which I binge throughout the week. Being junkorexic, which is great for people with more self control than me, is not the way to go for me anymore… It’s not filling me up and it’s spiking my sugar levels which is triggering more binges. It sets me back.

I binged on probably around 3,500kcal today. I didn’t purge afterwards so yep… I will most likely gain from this. I’m going to fast for as long as I can for the rest of the week. It’s going to be Thursday tomorrow so I’m aiming for a 4 day fast. Not unachievable for those with more self control, but again, I’m not one of those lucky individuals.

Afterwards I will implement more protein and vegetables and my only sweet treat will be blueberries, apples, yogurts with high protein to calorie ratio, and maybe some baby food (apple purée etc). I will also boil some sweetcorn as a treat. I will also try to do omads rather than eating before 3pm which triggers a binge in me.

My calorie limit is 900kcal. I can’t go too low as that can also trigger a binge.

My main safe foods from now on are these:

Covent Garden soups (available in Sainsbury’s… 112-116 kcal and honestly the best soup ever)

Milbona high protein pudding

Kvarg

Danon light yogurt

Blueberries

Green apples

Watermelon

Sweetcorn cob boiled

Sandwich thins

Cheese slices (them orange ones… I hate any other cheese)

Chicken slices

Sometimes low fat super noodles

I’m also going to keep a strict sleeping regime from now on… I have to go to sleep before 9pm. It will prevent a binge both during the night and also the next day as I won’t compensate for the lack of sleep by craving more food.

I’m sick of gaining and losing the same 2kgs… I just want to lose the weight that’s keeping me from being satisfied with myself.

Also attaching my favourite song atm…

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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I’m so done with Edtwt

#tw edtwt #ed tumbr #tw ed in the tags

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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For some reason I associate this song with my ed.

#tw ana related #ed tumbr #SoundCloud

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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*to clarify* nobody on here is 'causing' my ed i've had it for years i've just been doing it wrong which ultimately caused me to be more miserable, if you are mentally stable and trying to get into this stuff through tumblr - don't. i'm saying this lovingly, not trying to gatekeep it or anything it's just that you can avoid this chapter and try other ways, while i am very much too far gone to change ❆

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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2:

I’m 165cm tall, so about 5’5”. I would like to be a bit taller as I’m kind of in the middle. I’m not short enough to be considered at a cute height, but I’m also not tall enough to become a model (once I reach my ugw that is). Becoming a model was and still is in a way my dream that will probably never be fulfilled. :D But yea, that’s all on my height.

#tw ed vent #tw ed in the tags

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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1:

My stats at the moment are 54kg and 165cm, so 119 pounds and 5’5”.

My lowest weight was 36.6kg or 81 pounds, but that was 5 years ago. I was forced into recovery and for the first time I actually mindfully tried to recover. But ever since then I relapsed at least 2x. Every time in winter strangely enough. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to my lowest weight again.

Recently I got to about 45kg but then gained all the weight back and some more…

I don’t think I’ll ever properly recover.

#tw ed vent

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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Does anyone have any tips on how to minimise night binges?

#tw ed vent

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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What I’m going to wear once I’m skinny enough 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

#anorexik #ed tumbr #ana ed #ana blog #anorexia #edtmblr #i want to be a skeleton #tw ed in the tags #tw ana thoughts #anamia #low cal ed #low cal restriction #low cal meal #th1gh g4p #th1inspo #tw ed vent #thin inspiration #low cal lunch #low cal recipes

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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Is anyone interested in creating an Ed relapse group chat? 18+

#tw ed vent #friends

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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I hate the loss of control that comes with going over my calorie limit.

I ate 1000 kcal today, and I thought I was treating myself by eating 500 kcal.

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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I wish my weight was 36.6kg again (I think I was 163cm). I wish I had the willpower to restrict as much as I did back in 2017. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t keep being as large as I am now.

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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I’m struggling to keep on track so I had to make myself this… I hope I manage to stay on 500 kcal today…

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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I miss my thigh gap so much. I think I was 45kg in here. I’m ashamed of letting myself go. I want to go lower. I want to reach my gw (40kg).

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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It girl thinspo .ೃ࿐ੈ✩‧₊˚

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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My goals (to keep me motivated):

To feel small in my boyfriend’s arms.

To not feel insecure in front of skinny people.

To be able to wear the style that I like and look good in it.

To be able to fit into the clothes I love again.

To have a thigh gap again.

To be able to wrap my fingers around my thighs and arms.

To make people worried about my health. It seems awful but otherwise it just seems like nobody knows how I actually feel.

To stop people from commenting on my ‘healthy’ weight after I gained more than 15 pounds.

To make myself proud of at least something.

To be the skinniest one in the room.

To stop my legs rubbing together… It’s the worst feeling.

To make my boyfriend see me as more vulnerable…

To be cold again, even at a normal temperature.

To make my stomach growl out of hunger because it indicates that I’m progressing.

To enjoy food again and not devour it like I used to these past couple of months.

To eat in small plastic bowls because I don’t need huge plates for my small portions.

To feel better again… I cannot stand being at a ‘normal weight’.

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f4irysu3 · 1 year

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That exhaustion after going from eating like a pig to eating 500 kcal is unreal. I want to go on a run so bad but I don’t have the strength to get out of bed.

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