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Locked Up Love:

“Do it! I dare you!”

“Okay,” I groaned. I opened the laptop and went to the website Janice was dying for me to check out. This was all one big joke to her. I knew I’d been single for over two years now, but I didn’t think this was my way of finding love. Janice said it was to help me freshen up my skills, but I think it was her curiosity and boredom taking over.

I’ll just cut to the chase: Janice was forcing me to write to someone in prison. Prisoners look for virtual pen pals on this website in hopes of finding love or anyone willing to write to them. I thought this was a ridiculous way to get me back out there. We could have gone to a bar or club or even used an actual dating app to look for women, but this is what we’re doing instead. If anyone found out I was doing this, I’d be mortified. Janice wasn’t known for keeping her mouth shut, but I hoped she’d keep it shut tight about this. I didn’t want a single soul to find out about what I was up to.

“She’s cute,” Janice squealed. The woman on the screen was attractive and about my age, but she wasn’t what I would go for. She was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed valley girl, and that’s not who I’m drawn to. “What do you think of her?”

“Not my type.”

“What is your type?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “Let’s just keep looking.”

We scrolled for the next hour, but I couldn’t find someone I connected with. Granted, all we were doing was looking at the prisoner’s pictures and short biographies. I didn’t know what was holding me back from talking to one of them. Maybe I was the issue. Perhaps I wasn’t ready yet. Or maybe it was because this was ridiculous. I couldn’t just flirt with anyone; it had to be someone I was attracted to, and I didn’t see one person who lured me in.

Janice would soon run out of time and have to go pick up her son from daycare, leaving me alone with my laptop and a bunch of criminals. Now that Janice was gone, I debated if I’d keep looking. It all felt so idiotic to use someone who’s in prison to freshen up my dating skills. It also seemed a little selfish. What if those people were actually looking to find love, and I’m just using them? That would make me a huge asshole.

Against my better judgment, I kept scrolling. I didn’t stop scrolling until I landed on someone who caught my eye. Her name was Lydia. She had shoulder-length wavy hair that was pushed back by a headband. I liked that her hair was pushed back; it made it easy to see her flattering features. Her eyes were bright green; they almost looked fake. I glanced at the box on the screen that contained her bio. It read:

Hi! I’m Lydia, and I got seven years for possession of drugs and a firearm. You could say I messed up big time. I can’t change my past, so I’m working on my future. I’m currently in a GED program and go to regular NA meetings. If you want someone hard-working and loveable, you’ve found her. No men, please.

She was perfect! She was exactly who I should try to reach out to, but what was I going to say? It was hard for me to think of the right words, but I did my best not to sound like a blubbering idiot. I hoped I wouldn’t embarrass myself. I began to type away, and this is what I came up with:

Hey! I’m Wendy. I saw your profile and thought you were a cool person. I’m currently working on my future, too. I’m enrolled in college and am majoring in Education. If you ever need help with homework, just hit me up! I hope to hear back from you.

Wendy

I hoped that was good enough. Now I have to wait in agony in hopes of her replying. I was ridiculous. I was so sure she wouldn’t respond. That wasn’t even a good email. I completely believed she wouldn’t message me back.

I waited seventeen hours, but I eventually got a response. I couldn’t believe it when I opened my email and saw Lydia messaged me. I could hardly wait to see what she had to say. It read:

Hello, Wendy. I’ll definitely take you up on helping with my homework. I’m pretty bad at math. But I’m not looking for a teacher. Tell me about yourself. What do you look like? I noticed you haven’t uploaded a profile pic yet. Would you be cool uploading one? It’d be nice to see your face. Hope you have a good day.

Lydia

The first thing I did when I finished reading Lydia’s email was go to my profile on the website and upload the best picture I could. It was a selfie of me in front of the Eiffel Tower. I took that picture three months ago when my sister flew me to see her. At the time, she was studying art in Paris.

After that, I moved on to typing up my email. Here’s what I came up with:

Hey, again. I uploaded a picture; I hope you like what you see. And there’s not much to say about me. I’m obviously single, have no kids, and live in a one-bedroom next to campus. I have a dog named Patty. She’s an ugly pug, but I think she’s cute enough.

I guess I should be upfront; I think you’re really pretty. I can’t stop looking at your green eyes. I’m almost jealous of them. I’m not very good at flirting, fyi. Please bear with me.

Okay, now it’s your turn to tell me about yourself.

Wendy

It didn’t take as long for my next email to come in. I could hardly wait. I was thankful I didn’t blow it and come off as a creep. I had to say something flirty, though. I’m here to work on my dating skills, so I need to push myself.

Lydia wrote:

Damn, you’re pretty hot based off of your profile pic. Thanks for uploading that for me. I might print it out so I can see you in my cell. If that’s cool. There aren’t many chicks as hot as you on this site. I’m glad I’m the one you chose to email.

So, a little about me is that I have four siblings, and they’re all brothers. I always say that having so many brothers made me a tough gal, but I don’t feel as tough now that I’m locked up. I used to do underground fights until I shattered my hand. It may have been because I punched a brick wall. I know that’s kind of dumb, but I was angry. Plus, it’s better than hitting an actual person.

Anyway, I got to wrap this message up eventually. Hope to hear from you soon, beautiful. Have a good day.

Lydia

I didn’t hesitate to write my next message. It was like I already knew everything I wanted to say. I told her how I think it’s cool how different we are. I explained how I had never been in a fight or even in a heated verbal altercation. I didn’t even flip people off when I was driving. She and I are complete opposites, and I love that about us. We’ve lived such different lives, and yet we connected somehow.

A week passed, and Lydia and I emailed each other every day. Every morning, I woke up ready to check and see what she had sent. Today’s email read:

Hey, beautiful. I wanted to say thanks for not ghosting me or anything. You’re the best thing I’ve got going on right now. And thanks for helping me out with my math homework; I would be lost as hell without you. You’re pretty smart; it’s no wonder you’re in college. When I get out, I want to go to welding school. I’ve always liked working with my hands.

Anyway, I hope you have a good day today. I can’t wait to hear back from you.

Only yours, Lydia

My blood was pumping rapidly due to the thrilling sensation I got whenever I read one of her emails. I quickly typed up a response, and it read:

Hey, there. I think you would be a great welder; you look like the kind of woman who could handle herself in that field. I hope you go for it.

And if you saw my grade in Geography, you wouldn’t think I was all that smart. That class is killing me, but I think I’ll manage to get a C in the class. If I’m lucky, that is.

I’m also glad we’re still emailing each other. I love hearing how you’re doing and what you’re up to. How are the NA meetings going? I know you said they were boring, but do you think they’re helping you? I just want you to feel confident when you make it out.

Wishing you the best, Wendy

Lydia and I wrote back and forth every day, multiple times a day, for the next two months. We learned so much about each other. Lydia was a very interesting individual. She was a unique mixture of badass and softy. She always asked how I was doing and what I did during the day. I’ve never had someone take so much interest in me. It’s like I was all she needed to pass her time. She had even mentioned in one of our emails how I made the time fly. She’s also said that she wanted to meet me when she got out. She only had a year left.

If I was being honest with myself, I genuinely liked Lydia. She was everything I would want in someone. She was funny, savvy, caring, tough, and adventurous. We had made the joke that when she gets out, we’re going on a vacation to Paris. Lydia had mentioned she was jealous that I had gone, and she had yet to go. I promised her I’d save up for it so we could go together. A part of me actually wanted to take her there, but another part of me questioned if we’d ever meet in person.

It felt silly to fall in love with my prison pen pal that I had initially used for practice in the dating world, but here I was. I thought of her daily and fantasized about when we would finally meet. I wondered what it’d be like to see her in the flesh. Would I run into her arms? Or would she run into mine? I wondered if she had as strong of feelings for me as I do for her.

I opened my laptop to check and see if Lydia had messaged me, and of course, she had. She had always been very punctual at replying. It read:

Hey, babe. I forgot to tell you, but tomorrow’s my birthday. I was wondering if you’d email me a picture of yourself as my present. I like being able to look at you when I feel most lonely. It’s nice knowing I have you out there waiting for me. I can’t wait for my year to end so we can finally be together.

I wanted to say one more thing… I was wondering if you’d call me sometime so I could hear your voice. Let me know if you’d be down, and we can make it happen.

Love, your Lydia

She said, “Love.” Did she mean it? Does she love me? Do I love her? I thought I might. She was the best thing to ever happen to me. She made me happier than anyone I’d ever met. I looked forward to our emails and usually couldn’t wait to get to my laptop after I got out of class. I couldn’t believe it, but I was in love with Lydia. I wanted to be with her. She was fantastic, and what we had was real.

I quickly typed away on my keyboard. My email read:

I would love to call you, and I’ll make sure to send you some pics. I can’t wait until I can see you in person. I hope you have a good birthday in there. I’ll send you some money for snacks if you want. I don’t know any other birthday presents I could give you.

At the end of the email, I gave Lydia my number and attached some photos. I couldn’t wait for her to call. I wondered what her voice would sound like. I had always pictured her being a smooth, slow talker. The kind of person who sounded so at ease and in control. I hoped she’d like the sound of my voice. I’d never cared for how I sound in videos, but does anyone?

At 12:15 PM the next day, I got a call from a correctional facility. It was finally time. I was going to hear the voice of my newfound love. This conversation could be a make-or-break moment. I didn’t have a long time to figure out what I was going to say back. I just had to be myself. If she didn’t like that, then it would be game over. It would be heartbreaking, but I would survive it.

“Hey, babe,” a sultry voice said. Wow, she sounded even better than I had imagined.

“Hey,” I said. “I can’t believe I finally get to hear your voice.” I had a broad smile the entire time I spoke. My heart was pounding from excitement.

“Damn, got a pretty voice,” she laughed. I blushed, and I wish she could have seen it. “I got your pictures; you looked beautiful as usual. I’m going to print them out when I go to the library today. That way, when we’re in my cell singing Happy Birthday, I can have you there.”

“I’m glad you liked them. I wish I could actually be there.”

“You know, I was actually thinking about that. Maybe you could come to visit next weekend. I know it’s about an hour’s drive for you to get to me, but…”

“I’ll be there!” I couldn’t help but blurt it out. I was going no matter what. I had to see her. It’s the next best thing to see her in the free world.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” she laughed. Her laugh was contagious. “I bet you’re even better in person.”

“I might be,” I teased.

Lydia and I talked until our time was up. I was left excited and longing for when we would finally meet up. I needed to figure out what to wear and how I would do my hair. Lydia had mentioned she liked the pictures of me with my hair down. She’s even mentioned how she wants to run her fingers through my thick waves. I would love for that to happen.

I think we could make this work. We’d just have to get through the next y; after that we’d finally be able to be together. I knew it was a bit quick and maybe even foolish, but I was in love with Lydia. She was gorgeous, and she filled me with joy. I wanted to be with her. She’s the only person I’d ever had this strong of feelings for. I couldn’t wait for visitation day.

Soon enough, the weekend would come, and it was time to drive down to the prison where Lydia was residing. The hour-long drive wasn’t bad. It helped that I had something amazing waiting for me at my destination. I was finally going to see Lydia. We would actually be together, the way it’s supposed to be.

I went through the expected procedures before being escorted into the visitation room. I waited in a cold, steel chair until the prisoners entered. After the first six prisoners came in, Lydia stepped through the doorway. I smiled ear to ear as she approached me. I stood up from the table, and she did what I had dreamed of: she ran right into my arms.

“No touching!” One of the officers scolded. We quickly released one another and sat down at our table. I couldn’t tell which one of us was smiling harder. I wanted to kiss her, hold her, and tell her I love you. It may be too soon to say the “L” word, though.

“I can’t believe you’re here, babe,” Lydia said.

“I couldn’t wait for this day to come.”

“Me either. I hope I look better than my picture on the website. The officers don’t take the most flattering pictures of us for the website.”

“You were beautiful in your picture, but you are gorgeous in person.”

“There’s something I need to tell you, but I’m worried.”

“That’s not scaring me in the slightest,” I teased. “What is it? You can tell me anything.”

“Wendy, I think I’m in love with you. Like the real deal.”

My heart was about to explode with joy. She said the “L” word. She felt the same way I did. We could make this work. We were in love in the truest sense of the word. I was in disbelief this was happening. I had found my person.

“I love you too.”

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