Life update(Rant)-

My hair looks like shit because I haven’t washed it in a week because I literally have no time to do anything. I wake up, i go to work, i go home, i sleep. It has been that and that only for the past 5 days, i cant be too mad though because I’m low key rich now (I’m definitely not but i can afford food) i am now 90% deaf 😍😍😍 and have to go for a bunch of tests to see wtf i just woke up and couldn’t hear at all. At least medical care is free though. I literally want to sleep for an entire week i am so tired but that’s also probably because i have no energy to eat (not that i want to anyway).

Anyway, enough of this rant, hope im not going insane or have a brain issues when i do all the tests. Have a lovely day ^_^

Going on a date today, wish me luck that he doesn’t say anything weird or talk about me not eating🙏🙏🙏

I have no clue what is going on with me, i have a complete lack of wanting to eat or even interest in food. Like i used to do those food haul things but for like the past week or so I literally have not bought any food because i just do not even care⁉️⁉️⁉️ I am so confused about it, I do not know if maybe I am depressed because I am bad at reading my own emotions.

Like eating is such a chore and everytime i think about eating i just feel ill.

It’s also odd because yes, i still restrict but i was doing better in the sense that I was not having meltdowns over food for like a month and now i just can not even force myself to eat (not fully complaining though)

@mamabearwonders

Cw- $H

One of my hoes(term of endearment we use for eachother) sent me this💀💀💀

I have been eating like shit for like two weeks because i have been too depressed and lazy to make food so anyway, here’s the meal i had today, it was so god damn good(ignore the plate)

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Awareness🦓

Just weighed myself (i am going insane)

On another note, sorry for not posting in a week, i am day 2 on my meds and I don’t have extreme hunger like i had last time so i am praying it stays that way🙏🙏🙏

my dash is SO DRY lately soooo ->

REBLOG IF UR AN ACTIVE EDBLR BLOG AS OF: APRIL 2024

It is about to be hot again which means the shop i work in is going to get up to 35 degree’s c which means i am going to he wearing tank tops again. If anyone mentions my scars (which are years old) i am going to vom, i am not going to be able to cope with that this year. Specifically the owner of the shop, he’s old and senile and will 1000% give me the “why did you ruin your beautiful body” type talk like he did last year. Or he will at least comment on my body like his bitch ass son does even when i am wearing hoodies. Honestly i should just quit but i never will become i am emotionally attached to the animals there.

I have a tendency to get all my cals from candy simply because other food scares me but oml do I regret it sometimes. My sister bought me a pack of gummies for easter because I don’t like chocolate and i ate like half the bag and my stomach hurts sm.

i know if i posted this on twt i would get ripped into for the fact that i would rather eat half a bag of gummies(like 10-15) for 300cals than like an actual meal for the same amount:’)

Cw- talk of medication and side effects

I have been off medication for just over two years because i told myself i got better and didn’t need it (clearly not since i still have twt and tumblr💀💀💀)

The last time i was on the meds i gained something like 20kg in a year (I can’t properly remember how long) and i am scared shitless of that happening again but i am also very aware that it’ll improve my quality of life by at least a bit. I’m also scared of the brain fog that comes with that medication, i also become more compliant on the medication which had caused a few issues previously. I already filled in my prescription but I’m having second thoughts about it while I’m waiting to collect it (it has to be ordered in to the pharmacy since it’s not something that is kept on the shelf so i have to wait a few more days).

Even though I’m scared of all the side effects, I’m also curious to see how much it actually works without constant therapy. I’m also starting back at a low dosage since i was on an extremely high dosage before because my body kept building a tolerance so I don’t know how that’ll work.

Anyway I’m trying not to stress myself out too much since it might actually help and i know i will just have to keep track of what I’m eating even more as a just in case. Have a nice day^_^

ARFID/OCD post-

(Mention of foods taste/smell being wrong/being like something else other than the food)

I just made food because i woke up feeling like i was about to expire if I didn’t. It was all good, i made some vegan fish fingers (basically just artificial fish because I can’t eat real meat) and I’ve had them before, if anyone theyre a safe food but i took one bite [i am 100% certain they were fully cooked] and for some reason it tasted like how flake fish food smells(they don’t normally). I managed to convince myself to take another bite even though i was already panicking and so unbelievably close to gagging and it was even worse than the first bite.

This is why I normally rely on snacks more than food that has to be cooked. I have now lost a safe food and never want to cook again. The only thing that is keeping me from spiraling right now is the fact that i made multiple, so now at least i can check they were cooked everytime i start to panic again about getting sick or something happening because of it.

Anyway thats enough ranting for one day, if anyone is reading, i hope you have a good day ^_^

☆Different type of food haul~drawer edition part 2☆

☆ Less snacks more drinks this time +gum +cough sweets because I’m ill ☆

I have 67 days till a café date with my ex boyfriend, in this time i need to:

☆loose at least 10kg ( my face looks so chubby atm and i hate it )

☆re get all the piercings i used to have ( they looked cool as sh1t and i miss them )

☆sort out my hair ( i need it to be longer so i can cut everything except the regrowth[i dyed my hair like 5 months ago])

☆get new shoes and trousers (mine are severely broken)

☆make my abs re defined again(we are going to the beach after and as much as i love being meatless I don’t particularly want to be like that shirtless in front of him💀💀💀)

☆figure out how to do cool makeup again(i used to do cool eyeliner drawings on my face everyday but stopped and can’t remember how to do it)

☆whiten my teeth again(they’re low key fvcked from pvr9ing)

☆quit making faces if i taste things I don’t like and instead just put up with it(i really do not want to embarrass myself in public)

☆Anyway, this post is to hold me accountable because I actually need to sort myself out. I’m going on a holiday like a month after this as well and i can almost guarantee both my ex boyfriend and the person I’m going on holiday with will post pictures and i refuse to look the way i look right now in those pictures lmao ☆

☆ps. I am not still in love with my ex boyfriend, i just care about his opinion of me way more than i should and the café date is just a thing for his birthday, not a “proper date”

Low key missing the days i would lie in bed and make up fake stories in my head where i was married and had children and pets and genuinely believe it was real until i snapped out of it

Now that I’m writing this i feel like what i just said is not a normal experience and maybe i was just a bit mentally ill back then but we ball💪😎