There is a dark void luring in my mind. Sometimes, it swallows me. Sometimes, I let it devour me.

I have this longing, for a place I havent had in a lifetime. The certainty of a place that feels like home. I can see it in my childhood memories, I can almost touch the feeling. The undoubted, unquestionable certainty of belonging.

It's this sinking feeling Standing in quicksand Slowly swallowing you There is no use in fighting So you stand there Knowing very well Where you're headed Trying to accept The fact that You are Drowning

"What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the print I have read in my life."

-Walt Whitman

And I really just wish you were here with me, existing within the same four walls. I get so swallowed up by this loneliness, I fall into this webb of crippling thoughts and undesirable feelings inside of me. And I'm caught, stuck in this sticky mess. I just get more tangled up the more I try to break loose from it.

But we were happy once, I remember, foolish smiles on our faces. But I cannot summon the feeling, It's been too many years covered in bitterness.

From the lonesome nights, with you there beside me. Hollow. Silence slept like a baby between us. And I was not really with you anymore. I was inside my head, in mind. Living a different life. And you, were no longer in it.

I can feel my bones cracking

When I try to straighten myself out

I'm slutched up in a messy pile

My skin is all that's holding me together now

[...] And it coloured all that came after, I needed it to be rough. I could not for the life of me, take a tender touch.

“Skin doesn’t get thicker. Instead, it remembers.”

— Robin Roe, A List of Cages

"Oh, there's an empty place in my bones, that calls out for something unknown."

-Jack Skellington

I was not in love with you anymore,

I was in love with the thought of who we once were.

— Susan Sontag, from “Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963”