i’ll just leave this here: “youtub”

This website was literally so fucking stupid. You used to be able to just fucking edit somebody’s post. Like just change it entirely. Nothing was stopping you. What the fuck. Imagine logging into your youtub account and some bozo changed your funny comment to say you love being a dummy. That’s what used to happen here. Every single day.

Let me tell you something real quick.

If you insult the people I consider my family, whether or not what you say about them is true (when most of the time it's not), you're basically dead to me. These are my people, and if you have a problem with them then there is not an available space for you in my life. Where were you when things I'm not willing to repeat here happened in my life? Where were you when I made an important discovery about myself? Where were you when I was faced with important choices I couldn't make on my own and needed help? I could go on but I will Stop there. You were off in your own world doing your own thing. Those people, that I consider family? They were there for me every step of the way, from bad to worse to getting better to teaching me how to cope with various things. And then you have the audacity to insult them. Call them users and deceivers and actually try to think you're better than them and that they are a bad Influence. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Do you realize how nuts you sound? So go ahead and just make like a tree and get out. This is unrelated to the Pulse nightclub shooting, this is more of a general "what's going on in my life" post --- but this opinion stands for that as well. Members of the queer community are my family also whether they know it or not. We are one, and together we stay strong. And let us pray and hope that we stay safe as well.

me

Sigh...

And the other one just asked someone else out and they said yes. Another missed chance. Oh well, maybe this is just the way it's supposed to be.

-_-

A summary of my life right now: >gets a match on Tinder >they're FIFTY MILES AWAY

I will never understand how people end up together.

It doesn’t seem to work for me. Now I’m not actively looking but it’s just kind of become a hassle and I don’t see why it works so well for others. -Someone I knew was taking several different people out on dates one by one as a ‘trial run’ before settling on one person -Someone else I knew got to know someone pretty well pretty fast and they’ve been together for either a little over a year now or almost a year depending on how you look at it

But then you have me, who is just like... “Uh, hi, how’s it going?” and flirting attempts are regular, awkward bland conversations.  Oh well. :/

Newsflash/PSA

There is a fine line between “bullying” and “assaulting”. What you did is the latter. And if you don’t hold yourself accountable for your action properly, I will.

people are always like “are you a morning person or a night person” and I’m just like buddy I’m barely even a person

It’s not fair, but that’s life. Life’s not fair because it’s a bitch.

It’s not fair I have to see him because you refuse to believe me.  It’s not fair that you don’t believe me. It’s not fair that you’re defending him, even if you’re not taking his side - you’re still defending him. Why should I have to sacrifice my own happiness for yours? For others, it’s easy to end things. For me, under my own personal circumstances I can’t change - it’s not. And every time I try to, someone pulls me back in. I saw him the other night and I can’t handle it. I need to be away. Maybe far away. But I can’t leave this state, there’s too much going on right now.  The evidence is there. You heard it, yet you choose to ignore it. How can you live like that? How can you live knowing what he’s done? It’s not fair. But that’s life.  Life’s not fair because it’s a bitch. It’s also a cereal.

welp now i have two things to ignore on facebook

politics and march madness

Donald Trump comes under fire for unknowingly tweeting a Benito Mussolini quote, and he may have more in common with the fascism founder than he realizes.

If you’re reading this...

I’m sorry. About everything. And for not treating you with the same respect you gave me for so long that I clearly didn’t deserve. 

How could I be so selfish? You’re one of the only ones who ever cared about me. I wanted to tell you in person, but it’s not possible right now.  I hope there will soon come a day when we will be able to talk again. I’m probably a problem right now, but I’m working on myself and actively trying now, and it’s a struggle but it will take time. 

And when we’re both ready, I want to make a fresh start - and do it right.

I stumbled upon an old recording today.

I kept it for a reason.

I kept it to remind me of the person you became that night.

I kept it to remind me that who you once were died a long time ago. 

I kept it to be strong.

I kept it to try to be able to handle it one day without breaking down and crying. 

Sadly, tonight is not one of those nights.

And those who don’t know and don’t suspect a thing will never understand why I shake and lose focus and mildly panic when I see you. 

And won’t understand why I don’t want to see you or be near you.

Silence is the enemy, and fear is its ugly sibling. Fear manipulates you into staying silent because of certain uncontrollable factors and unchangeable circumstances, and bring forth the second-guessing group of questions known as “What Ifs”  - which cause the person asking themselves these What Ifs to blame themselves about what happened, when they’re never to blame. Meanwhile, the one who is to blame but doesn’t even get called out due to some strong fear - gets praises and accolades for being “successful” in a field or “the very top” in another field, and also possibly gets praised for their aggression and intimidation which coincide with that sense of fear they give, in a way.

It’s time to stop being afraid.

No one should have to hold things inside. It’ll only destroy them even more.

I'm bored.

I have spent almost an entire month inside an apartment because I haven't been working. It's been boring and I don't know how anyone can deal with living someplace and being stuck there with no way out. Everything I did that used to be fun has now gotten boring and old, and routine in a bad way. I feel like I should be doing things. Talking to people, meeting people, working, etc. but for about 24 days I wasn't doing anything and i didn't like that so I had to change it right away. Today would have been my 6 month anniversary at Walmart, and officially requested transfer date from one Walmart to another. Didn't happen. But I still might try to go back to Walmart at some point and then it will be closer, since they told me I could wait a month and reapply at a different one. Or even the same one but I'm not going to deal with that crazy commute all over again. They all miss me at the store I used to work at and I couldn't ask for a better work-family. But it's not time to go back to Walmart just yet. But instead of sulking about losing a job, I'm excited to start two new ones this week. Of course I'm not "officially" hired by one of them yet because I still need to see how the other will schedule me before I call the other place regarding my availability and I will just need to try to work around them because i don't know who will get their schedules first, and when they get them. It's complicated but I hope I can make it work.

The next time a guy complains about being friendzoned, send him this picture.