poc struggles

i just taught myself that just because u havent seen someone who look like u being represented in any aspect of life doesnt mean u cannot pursue that dream. i often felt down because i rarely see people who look like me being considered beautiful, but just the other day my mom show me this picture of her when she is around my age and she told me that boys would have a crush on her. and mind u i look exactly like my mom. at least thats what i have been told from my cousins and siblings. so the moment she shared that story with me i realized that maybe, just maybe im not actually ugly. im just not white. i have been brainedwashed all of these years to think that u need to have eurocentric features to be beautiful, so now i am trying my best to erase that part of me. it is definitely a hard journey trying to accept myself and all of my ethnic features.

anyways, here are some of my favorite model of colors that made me feel so much better about not being white. they’re all incredibly stunning!

it took me so long to realized that im not actually ugly, im just not white. the beauty standard are SO eurocentric it made me feel so bad about my ethnic features.

“when i went through my list of friends i found out i have no one to tell”

-mitski, should’ve been me-

just a question

whats your guys’s most character changing moment so far?

mine was getting outed by my sister and my nudes being leaked.

scientifically proven fact to all my fellow insecure girlies out there🪞✨🧚🏽‍♂️

1. you are not ugly. your brain are just used to seeing the features that u normally see everyday in the mirror.

2. more often than not, people would perceived  you as being 10x more prettier than you actually think you are. This is because you are your worse critic.

3. even if there are only 1% of people that find u attractive in this world, that is still around 80 MILLION people. let that sink in.

4. facial symmetry is not the main key to beauty.

* the beauty standard are stupid, find the things within you out of urself that u find beautiful and amplified it.💞💞💞

much like discord i still have no idea how to navigate my way through tumblr.

i have come a LONG way in accepting my identity as a poc. i grew to love my tan skin and all the other features that make me racially ambiguous. but these beauty standard are slowly making me i wish i was white again. smh ):

my top 3 favs movies and tv series✨

-movies:

1.Bridesmaids (2011)

2.Black swan (2010)

3.Hairspray (2007) OR final destination 3 (2006)

-tv series:

1. modern family

2. assassination of gianni versace

3. young royals

just a thought

i miss the days when school holidays and summer felt like it would never ends. now it just fly by so fricken fast.

ok this might sound stupid to some of yall, but i got this laptop about 3 months ago and i have absolutely have no clue what to do with it. yes it is beneficial for school or whatever, but other then that i have no idea what im going to use it for. so maybe some recs???

-and please dont recommend any games (:

rant #1

on tiktok i would often see gay men telling stories about how they lose their virginity to a men much older then them when they were a teenager.  And this phenomena seems to circulate itself around the gay community for a very long time. i would often overheard story about how young gay boys were taken advantage by men twice their age. men that could literally be their teachers or even father.  deep inside i know that this is wrong. but somehow i thrive to achieved  these kind of dynamic. i would like to think it is because growing up  was always an outcast. you know, being gay and effimanate definitely has its cons because it was the aspect that kept me on the side when it comes to so many things. so when  i finally ‘enter’ the community at age 13 i did everything that i could in myself to fit in. but one of the things hat i havent got a taste of is being groomed by old men. i tried talking to 20 years old on omegle. i tried sendings nudes to them. but it never felt enough. i have this buried feeling of envy inside of me for gay teens  or teens in general who are much experienced then me. damn,i never even have a sip of alcohol in my life. Maybe this is also relatable to some people?

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

if youre gay and have homophobic parents lmk lol. it feels so lonely over here because all i see is white queer kids being gifted pride merch by their supportive parents and they have the audacity, the CAUCASITY to complain. like bro i would rather have and overly suffocating parents than the one who threatened to send me to a literal shrink.

what im not looking forward inb school:

1. my abusive ass accounting teacher (vrbally/mentally abusive)

2. my maths teacher

3. tons of missing assignment

ill be having school in like 2 weeks and im not prepare whatsoever. i have so many missing assignment that i need to catchup.fml!