darksideventing
☠️BIOHAZARD☠️
This is a blog for all my deepest darkest thoughts to be shot into space
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please can i cut, please? i need to feel okay again. i dont care if is only for a moment, i need to feel okay again.
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I stopped cutting when I hit my lowest and darkest phase, but now I'm out of that and feeling better than I have in a while. My room is clean, I'm taking my meds consistently, I'm socializing. That should mean I'm better right?
Except I cut tonight for the first time in months, and god, it's addicting. My legs are filled with fresh cuts, all because my self esteem was at an all time low. And you know what? I felt better.
I just wish I knew that the self hatred wouldn't come back, but I know it will. I don't feel like I'm good enough because the only thing I truly want right now is for him to love me, but he never will, not like I love him. I know that's true, and yet I still cry over him at night.
So for now I'll settle for working out until it hurts to move and slashing my thighs when it's not enough.
#tw cutting#tw sh vent#tw s3lf harm#tw sh implied#tw self h4rm#cvtt1ng#fresh cvts#cutting#selfh@rm#self harm#self h@rm#s3lfharmm#s3lfh4rm#s3lf harn#i want to cvt#ventcore
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The smell of my own blood is more intoxicating than any drug
#selfh@rm#tw self h4rm#self h@rm#s3lf harn#implied s/h#s3lfh4rm#self harm#$elf h4rm#tw sh implied#tw sh vent#sh implied#tw s3lf harm#s3lfharmm#tw cutting#cutting#cvtt1ng#fresh cvts
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starting this tomorrow!!!
- exercise at the gym Monday to Saturday
- 2l water DAILY
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Starting a weekend of three twelve hours shifts 🥴
My already frail mental health will be on its KNEES by the end of this weekend, istg. I always end up cutting more and either restricting hard or binging. Let's hope my brain chooses restriction ✌️
#disordered eating thoughts#tw ana related#@n0r3x14#@na diary#@nor3×14#tw ana diary#4norex1a#4norexi4#@na trigger#ana trigger#cvtt1ng#tw self h4rm#tw cutting#cutting#selfh@rm#self harm#self h@rm
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I was doing so good and now I can't get back to it.
I was restricting down to 500-700 calories a day which isn't astronomical, but all it took was one day at my best friends house and I've been consistently eating 1,500-1,900 for the last few days because my appetite is back. I've been burning that much if not more in a day, but I just can't restrict when we hang out. She recovered from her ED a years ago and doesn't know I have one, so the last thing I want to do is trigger her.
It's taking me three to four hours stationary biking just to burn the calories off, and my weight loss has completely stagnated. I don't know how to get back to where I was.
So if anyone has any tips, thinspo, sweetspo, even meanspo at this point. I'm begging here, I'm tired of feeling like a pig 😭
#disordered eating thoughts#tw ana related#@n0r3x14#@na diary#@nor3×14#tw ana diary#4norex1a#4norexi4#@na trigger#ana trigger#tw ed relapse#tw ed vent#tw edtwt#tw ed in the tags#tw ed descussion#tw ed discussion#meanspo#thinspo#sweetspo#ed not ed sheeran#@tw edd#edblrr#ed but not sheeran#tw ana shit#an0r3x14#tw ana relapse#@norexia#4n4rexia#4n4r3x1a#4n4mi4
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Wearing tights over fresh/healing cuts is just not the move
Hurts like a bitch 😭
#cvtt1ng#cutting#tw self h4rm#self h@rm#s3lf harn#implied s/h#s3lfh4rm#s3lfharmm#tw s3lf harm#self harm#selfh@rm#styroblr#baby styro#styrotumblr#tw swearing#tw cutting#tw sh vent
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it’s nearly comical how everything in my life that takes away pain is also simultaneously bad for me
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the chosen form of therapy today is: sharpeners.
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goodnight babes! may u dream of being ur ugw ♥️♥️
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Egg White Veggie Tamagoyaki 🥚🌸
(a.k.a. Gyeran Mari)
Directions
With a blender or food processor, blend your carrots, zucchini, and onion to chunky bits.
Add your egg whites, hondashi, and sugar (optional). *For salt, a good rule of thumb for seasoning eggs is 1/8 tsp per egg. 3 TBS of egg whites = 1 egg. For this recipe, use 1/4 tsp of salt.
Give your mixture another 3-5 pulses until fully combined.
Heat your Tamagoyaki pan or non-stick pan to medium heat. ( Rectangle pan is best for shape but you can still achieve the rolled omelette with a circle nonstick pan)
Spray the pan with a quick oil spray of your choice.
Add a small layer of the mixture to your pan and reduce the heat to medium-low.
When your layer is 90% set, carefully roll from one side to the other. (This will take some practice)
Gently push back the first rolled layer to the side you started from and add another layer of mixture. Allow some of the mixture to go under your first layer.
Repeat steps 6-8 until you are out of the mixture.
Let your rolled omelette cook for another 30 seconds on each side then turn off heat.
Let it sit on a plate for two minutes before cutting in. Enjoy!
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depressed “cutting is the only thing that makes me feel right now” < manic “the blood is so pretty, the sting of the razor is amazing, i wanna finger paint with the crimson then lick it off my fingers”
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Day off which means hella restricting and exercising the way I want 🥰
I've lost pounds in the last couple days so I am allowing myself to meet my grandma for lunch at my favorite sushi place, only because sashimi and miso soup are very safe foods. I can burn those all off especially easily, and then hopefully that's the only meal I have today!!
I have a great feeling about today!! I'm just hoping it's not ruined ✌️
#disordered eating thoughts#tw ana related#@n0r3x14#@na diary#@nor3×14#tw ana diary#vent#4norex1a#4norexi4#@na trigger#@norexia#@na diet#@tw edd#4n4rexia#4n4r3x1a#4n4mi4#4n4m1a#4n4m14#4n0rex1a#tw ana shit#an0r3x14#ana trigger
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