An insight to my week this week -

I re-watched folklore: the long pond studio sessions, and it was such a pick-me-up

I finished reading Patti Smith's Just Kids

I watched Anne, a mothers fight for justice for her son killed at Hillsborough

I watched Never Let Him Go about Scott Johnson's death and how his brother never gave up to find out the truth. Scott's story is just one of many from Sydney's coastal suburbs at the time where many gay men were killed or went missing

I read some insightful articles on the Referendum and the Israel and Palestine conflict that I wanted to share

I read an article about Supreme Court Justice Roberts that I thought was a great insight into the ethical issues facing the court at the moment.

I had a great week of learning different things and delving into different issues - I hope you did too!

Every single time something has fallen apart in my life, I’ve looked back with gratitude eventually.

I might spend a whole year crying and sleeping and working a part-time job and that’s okay if it’s what I need.

Your body will force you to take a break if you don’t listen to it asking for one. I saw this coming 2 years ago and ignored it. Now I’m 2 years older and realize I just prolonged it.

It’s okay. Really.

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

things I enjoyed this week

“There was a time this wasn’t toxic. There was a time you were my safe habour in a storm, the lighthouse leading me home. There was a time your arms kept me warm when my body was empty and cold. There was a time that your smile could dig me out of the grave I had dug for myself. Somewhere along the line you became the storm, you were cold and cruel and suddenly you were in the dirt digging with me. I don’t know where this went wrong, maybe there is only so much of my crazy that you could take, maybe you liked the idea of loving a sad girl but the reality never lived up to the expectation. As good as it was when you loved me, the feeling of an empty bed when you left was so gut-wrenching that I wish I never knew what it was to be loved by you.”

— Once upon a time…

“I remember when we decided it was best to part ways, you told me that you don’t know how you could ever move on. It was you that told me that this was a mistake, that I was wrong. You told me that you were happy, that my sadness wasn’t a burden. But when you told me you loved me it sounded more like throwing a floating device to a drowning child than it did a vow of forever. I smiled, I kissed you and I walked away. Walking away from the best thing that has ever happened to me was the hardest thing I have ever done. I have ripped open my own skin, I have stolen the nutrients from my own stomach, I have isolated myself and I have tried to find answers at the bottom of bottles and empty pill packets. What I’m saying is I am no stranger to self inflicted pain, some could argue I am an expert in punishing myself for existing. But walking away from you was the most pain I have ever exposed myself to. Walking away from light at the end of the tunnel, and back into the darkness was like handing an addict the bottle. I think that you mistook my sacrifice for you as a punishment. But it was like setting the lion that has only ever known captivity free to roam. In the beginning he may miss the boundaries and the safety, but that is just Stockholm Syndrome and the more grass he feels beneath his feet the further he will want to run. I check up on you, and I think you have found the ability to run. You are thriving, and she makes you so happy. I am not saying that I didn’t make you happy. But I’m admitting that you were too scared not to be happy around me, almost as if you showed sadness that you feared that you would never get that ‘good morning’ text off me. Like if you reminded me what sadness looks like that it would consume me when the sun went down and I would never see the sun rise again.”

— Loving me was too much pressure for a young boy who loves life. I am happy that you can love her fearlessly, I am glad you can be sad with her, I am glad that you can fight with her and go to sleep peacefully knowing you will be able to sort it out in the morning.

It’s 3am and all I can think about is us, not me, not you, us.

How we used to dance while making dinner and how we would spend most of our time laughing. I don’t miss you, I miss what we had.

I miss being a team with you.

“You will survive this. Every day you get out of bed, even though every bone in your body is begging to stay in bed and let the sheets swallow you up. He broke your heart, and that isn’t a metaphor, I know you can feel you heart breaking between your ribs. You loved him and you trusted him and he didn’t even give you a real reason why. But I need you to know that nothing that you could have possibly done could give him license for the way he has treated you since leaving you. You were together for two years, that type of relationship deserves respect even when it is over. You don’t need to defend him anymore, that isn’t your job. You’re allowed to think he is an asshole, that doesn’t mean he was an asshole the whole time; it means he has changed. You have to seperate who he was within your relationship from who he is with his friends now. People tell you that there are plenty more fish in the sea. And I know that the thought of opening up to another person is overwhelming. Because while there may be plenty of fish in the sea, all you can see are sharks circling. Just because the one you loved turned into a shark, doesn’t mean everyone after him will be out for blood. Trust that in time your wounds will heal.”

— A letter to a heartbroken friend.

“Be honest with me, if I am just a stop on your way to the girl of your dreams, or a lesson to learn, that is okay. I am okay with loving you, but not spending the rest of my life with you. Because I too need to learn what I do and don’t want in a life partner. I need to live, to go on adventures and be spontaneous before I settle down. So it’s okay if you don’t see me as ‘forever.’ But don’t promise me ‘forever’ when you know this is temporary.”

— I will love you for as long as you give me, because I know that not all love is meant to last. (via crashingwaves-burningsouls)

by Noah Sammak