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clxwnstuffxo · 1 year

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Agsgsh I love this so fucking much I’m excited to see what you decide to do with the next chapter

Joel Miller x Male reader

Warnings: Swearing, brief mentions of violence

Summary: Joel is finally reunited with you. Him and Ellie are shown round the commune. You, Joel and Tommy catch up but as you expected doesn’t go the way you want.

(A/N): So sorry it’s taken so long life has been a nightmare recently, I’ve got exams in just over a week then after that I will try writing more. Sorry if the chapter isn’t great, I tried to use the dialogue and adapt it so you are also involved. Changed some details but for a good portion you act as a fly on the wall and close observation of Joel’s behaviour which others may be oblivious to.

Saving you from burden-part 5

You sat there stock-still. Your best friend, the man of your dreams, had tackled you to snow covered ground. Not only that he hadn’t pummelled you into it. He was mad you had left him but he had kissed your forehead. He held you so tightly like if he blinked or let go slightly you’d disappear and leave him all over again.

You slowly placed your arms around his waste and clutched him tight. “It’s been too long cowboy, I’m glad you’re ok”. You had missed him deep down, but you knew that you had done it for the correct reasons. You had been spiralling and you never wanted the same for him, to become what you became. Even now in his arms you were fearful of his reaction to the truth. No matter how much Tommy had reassured you over the past months and the work you’d done on yourself, seeing him again, you felt like a monster.

At all the thoughts racing through your mind you started to tense and try and back away. Tommy recognising this, patted his brother on the back, helping him up off the ground. As Joel turned around to talk to his brother, you shuffled back quickly pushing yourself up and away. You were about to leave, hearing Tommy about to take Joel and the young girl to grab some food. “Hey Y/N please come with us, we’ve all got a lot to catch up on” Joel turned and shouted to your retreating form, eyes looking hopeful. You stayed silent but couldn’t refuse those eyes.

You walked back to the group waiting. Joel had sidled up next to you, but kept a bit of distance. “Ellie come on down, come meet everyone.” Joel called over to the young girl. Ellie clambered off the horse with the grace of a sack of potatoes. You couldn’t help but chuckle, ‘must be her first time on a horse’. She strode over smiling, “Hi I’m Ellie, I’m guessing you’re the long lost mysterious brother,” she turned toward Tommy, then faced you, “And you are?”. Tommy and yourself laughed at her lack of care and audacity she had.

‘She’s got a lot of confidence, she’s a survivor’ you thought smiling. Joel glared at her and huffed, “Ellie apologise, I’m sor-“ he started looking towards you before you cut him off. “No need Joel, welcome Ellie, I’m Y/N and I’m Joel’s long lost, mysterious thought to be dead next door neighbour/ best friend” you smiled, holding out your hand.

“Fuck man! Wow”, she shook your hand, “Joel he’s cool” she smirked. Joel looked on the smallest upturn of his lip, though shaking his head. ‘Why do I even bother with her language’ he thought. Tommy turned to you all leading the newcomers into the mess hall to grab some food.

You all sat down on a long bench, Tommy and Maria on one side, Joel and Ellie across from the and you at the head of the bench. Joel and Ellie shovelled food in quickly like they hadn’t eaten for some time. You picked at your food watching them, a small quirk of your lips, amused.

“There’s more if you need it” Maria said as they continue to scoff up their food. Joel remembering the southern manners his mother taught him, he sat up straighter, “Thank you Ma’am” he thanked now eating slower. “It’s been a while since we had a proper meal” he continued. Ellie continued to eat really quickly, “Actually I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal. This is fucking amazing!” She said around her fork. You chuckled at this as Joel glared daggers at her. “Sorry. Ellie let’s mind our manners.” Joel said politely. Always polite around company, like he doesn’t swear like a sailor when he gets to know you, you smirked.

Ellie nodded, continued her mouthful till she made eye contact with a young girl. “WHAT?!” Ellie shouted towards her, puffing out her chest. The young girl, Dina ran away. Joel turned to he pushing her back into her chair, “What is wrong with you?!” He chastised her, like a dad. It was strange seeing him like this again, almost like a mirror to his past life with his little girl. You don’t know what his relationship was to the tenacious young girl, but you could see he cared about her.

“What about her manners?” Ellie scoffed. Maria smiled understanding but reassured her that it was only curiosity and that the kids here are not like her. “ Maybe I’ll teach them!” Ellie challenged, “And I want my gun back” she continued. “You’re a little trouble maker aren’t ya” you asked rhetorically with a smirk. She turned round to you with a fire in her eyes. Joel looked at you too with a similar but slightly different burning in them. Maria and Tommy continued to explain that the community inside the gate aren’t armed and maybe they got off on the wrong foot.

“They say you leave dead bodies around” Ellie scoffed at them. “Those are the people that tried us” Tommy explained. Maria continued “A bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad”. You piped up clenching your jaw, “Not always at least”. Both Maria and Tommy knew the extent of your doubts about yourself, knew that certain things you had to do to survive made you feel sick. Seeing this insecurity rise back up behind your eyes and the tension in your body you stared at your lap. Maria reached for your hand rubbing soothing circles on the back of you hand. Tension slowly bled out of you allowing you to relax.

Joel watched on curiously not understanding what he’d just witnessed. Like all those years ago, how you’d gone from friendly and laughing to completely anxious and tense over nothing. “Ma'am... we're grateful for your hospitality and all. But it'd be nice to have a moment here, maybe just for family.” Joel asked politely, wanting to speak to his brother and you privately.

“Well, um” Tommy started looking at his wife trying to figure out what to say. “Maria is part of your family Joel” you responded taking your hand and patted Marias while you looked over your married best friends. Joel continued to look oblivious while Ellie clocked on and smirked, “Oh shit, congrats”. Maria and Tommy held hands, smiled and nodded.

A couple of beats go by and Joel remained silent thinking. “Joel, say Congrats” Ellie lowered her voice to him. A moment later you kicked his shin and nodded your head toward the expectant couple. You could see the apprehension in Tommy’s eyes, all he wanted was his brothers approval.

“Congrats” Joel finally said tersely. Maria chuckled, “ How bout a Tour”. Before Joel could protest or make any comments, Ellie had agreed and you all started to stand up and shrug on your jackets.

——————————————————————

Once again outside, Maria and Tommy took the lead guiding Joel and Ellie around. You kept your distance walking behind them bringing up the rear. “We settled here about seven years ago. Just a handful of us back then. That section was already a gated community, so we built the rest of the wall out from there. Stopped most of the raiding parties, but we still find pockets of them.” Maria explained pointing towards the back end of town. “And you said infected?” Joel asked, looking around. He turned around to see you further away than expected. He furrowed his brow and nodded his head towards the group, wanting you to remove the distance. You moved up a little bit but still maintain at least a metre distance.

“Yeah, but usually smaller colonies, wandered off from the cities. All this open country out here... it's a turkey shoot. I still got my 700, but I found a variable power scope. Sub-MOA. Can headshot those fuckers from a half mile out.” Tommy responded, pleased with himself. Joel scoffed shaking his head, ‘half a mile out, bullshit’.

“Can you teach me how?” Ellie asked looking between Joel and Tommy expectantly. “No, he can’t” Joel responded sternly. ‘Still acts like a Dad’ you thought amused at their relationship. “How do you keep this place quiet?” He continues looking around in disbelief.

“Carefully. Being in the middle of nowhere helps. Not advertising what we have, staying off the radio.” Maria explained, though this made Joel’s brow furrowed and his jaw was set. ‘That struck a nerve’ you thought curiously.

“House of worship, multifaith. School. Laundry. Old bank works as the jail, not that we've needed it.” Maria continues to point out buildings as they walk towards the farm and stables.

“And you draw power from the dam?” Joel asked looking at the electrical poles. “Got that workin' a couple years ago. After that, sewage, plumbing, water heaters... lights.” Maria answered.

“This place actually fucking works.” Ellie smirked. They continued walking to the farm. Ellie bouncing up and down more walked towards the sheep, “Hey, Joel, check it. Baa”. Joel rolled his eyes and shook his head as she smirked. “So are you, like, in charge?” Ellie questioned Maria.

“No one person's in charge. I'm on the council. Democratically elected, serving 300 people, including children. Everyone pitches in. We rotate patrols, food prep, repairs, hunting, harvesting.” Maria explained, showing the depth of the community they had built. “Everything you see in our town... greenhouses, livestock, all shared. Collective ownership.” Tommy continued.

“So, communism” Joel stated smugly looking over at his baby brother. “Nah. Nah, it ain't like that.” Tommy defensively scoffed. “It is that. Literally. This is a commune. We're communists.” Maria cut off her husband smiling proudly back at him.

Joel turned round to him with an extremely smug face nodding, amused at seeing his brother, the war vet, now technically a communist. Tommy stood still, like the truth was a devastating blow. You chuckled walking past him and clapped him on the back to get him moving again.

You walked up over to the stable which occupied a new foal and mare. Ellie ran over “No way!”. Her eyes shone with excitement and adoration. “Do you want to pet her?” You asked Ellie. She nodded moving over to you, “Yeah what’s her name?”. “Shimmer” you responded.

You placed her hand on Shimmers nose to make sure the foal didn’t startle away. Ellie’s eyes were wide as she gently started to pet Shimmer. The young foal quite liking the attention, kept butting her head into Ellie’s hand. Ellie gave out the brightest giggle while baby talking to the horse. Your heart felt warmth spread across it as the joy of the young girl rang out across the farm. “I think she really likes you kiddo” you told her smiling.

With a brightness in her eyes she asked “Do you really think so?”. Chuckling at her “Of course I do! When she’s bigger I can teach you how to ride her properly.” As you said it you snapped your mouth shut. You didn’t know whether they were staying yet. Did you want him to stay? You missed him so much but you know it couldn’t go back to how it was. Ellie wasn’t Sarah. Joel is different from before. You know that you’re definitely different than before all this shit started.

“Yes!! That would be so cool, wouldn’t it Joel?!” Ellie said ecstatically looking towards Joel. You turned to meet his eyes, they held so many emotions fighting against each other. He didn’t smile but responded with “We’ll see kid”. You sighed but Ellie was happy with the answer turning to you whispering, “The grumpy old man didn’t say no so that’s a win in my book”. She then ran off back to the group that were making their way to the houses.

You followed behind them as you did before.

——————————————————————

“We’ll set you up in the house across from us it’s been empty since 2003. But basic maintenance has been done on it and we can turn the electricity, gas and water on so you both can get cleaned up. Y/N lives in the house next door and we live directly across from where you’ll be staying.” Maria explained to Joel and Ellie. “Finally another shower I can’t wait” Ellie smiled.

“Can we talk about things before I go do that, there’s a lot to catch up on” Joel asked looking between you and Tommy. “I’ll take her across and get her set up you guys go talk.” Maria offered. Ellie looked at Joel concerned “Joel-“. “Go on I won’t be long, you’ll be fine” he promised. She huffed but turned to follow Maria to their new accommodation.

You, Joel and Tommy stood there for a second in silence, each of you trying to figure out where the best place to have this conversation would be. “Let’s just go to mine, then you both don’t have to traipse across town to get back.” You offered walking towards your house.

—————————————————————

You walked up the steps onto the porch and opened the front door. You’d been doing home renovations since you’d found yourself in Jackson using whatever resources you could reclaim from houses that were uninhabitable and those you’d find in the local abandoned towns and cities. Tommy wasn’t the biggest fan of you taking a detour on outings to grab things you wanted from a home depot especially when you had to take out 4 clickers just for a paint can. The house was nowhere near finished but it helped you make this place more yours.

You entered and shucked off your jacket hanging it on the rack by the door. The brothers did the same following you into the living room where they took a seat on chairs opposite to one another. You opened up a cabinet and asked “Ok, so we’ve got whisky, whisky, a bottle of scotch and a couple of bottles of “alcohol”, what do you fellas want?”.

Both Tommy and Joel looked at each other mouths dropped. “Where did you find all that?” Joel asks.

“The mysterious alcohol bottles on patrol, raided and abandoned bar that had a hidden bottle of scotch that hadn’t been taken, then when Seth pisses me off at work for a week. Let’s just say he doesn’t miss the bottles nor see me take them from the Tipsy Bison. Just a little bit of Workers compensation.” You answered smirking looking at Tommy shaking his head.

“Y/N, you can’t be stealing from the bar it’s for everyone, if you get caught it’ll go to the council” Tommy chastised you. “I know, but Seth can be an arsehole to work with at times and anyways when we scout out places I almost always bring enough back for him to ever notice so it’s fine TomTom.” You grinned knowing the nickname would irk him. You poured out some whisky into glasses and handed it to each of them.

“TomTom?” Joel chuckled looking at you and Tommy. “Let’s just say that your baby brothers directional ability works about as well as a TomTom SatNav” you laughed remembering when he explicitly said that you needed to go east then immediately started walking west while you waited for him to finally figure it out. “Ugggh Y/N, that was one time and we’d been up all night and running away through the forest for a good 6 hours.” Tommy whined making you and Joel chuckle at him.

Joel stopped suddenly going silent, “What do you mean running away?” He asked looking at the 2 of you holding onto his glass tightly. Sighing you answered, “We were running away from Cody, infected came out from nowhere, took out most of the people stationed at the tower. We shot as many as we could and ran like hell and kept running till Maria and her patrol found us.”

You were still standing ready to make an escape though it was your own house. Joel was quiet for a moment before stating, “You were a Firefly”. “Yes I was but not anymore” you stated matter of factly.

“Right” Joel responded, thinking in his head about everything before taking a sip of his drink. He moaned at the taste, making you flush a little. “This is the best thing I’ve had to drink in 20 years.” He savoured the taste of real whisky closing his eyes. You watched him, he looked older, more weathered, like he was Atlas and holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. But as he drank the worry lines smoothed just slightly like the tension had bled out of him.

“If you like that just wait till we get some pigs and have some bacon.” Tommy smirked at his brother. Joel’s eyes opens and looked at his brother, “Wow bacon, whisky and Christmas trees, nice set up you have here” he commented gruffly and raised his glass. He took another sip of the glass.

“How’s Tess?” Tommy asked curiously. You knew from Tommy that Joel, Tess and himself had stuck together in the Boston QZ and the last he’d heard they were still working together. So it was strange to see them. “She’s fine” Joel answered setting his jaw and a look in his eye told you that was the opposite.

“That’s good” Tommy responded completely oblivious to his brothers swirling emotions. “What about the kid?” You asked to turn the topic away from Tess.

“She’s the daughter of some Firefly muckety muck. Family is out here somewhere and we’re trying to find them. I was heading out this way, so..” He explained shifting in his seat taking another sip.

“Really? Out of the Goodness of your heart?” Tommy scoffed. “There’s a payment” Joel responded and Tommy gave a knowing nod. “So you know where they might be? These Fireflies?” He asked looking between the both of you looking for any information you may have.

“Well, they got a base down at the University of Eastern Colorado.” Tommy answered. “It's, uh, a week's ride south. But it is severely fսckеd up between here and there. Infected... raiders.” You continued, anxiety rising at the thought of Joel heading off with a kid into that chaos. “It's not exactly an easy trip Joel” Tommy stated.

Joel sat up placing his empty glass on the table, “It'll be easy for us, seeing as how you can headshot Infected from half a mile away, which is a bunch of bullshit, by the way” he shook his head at the last statement.

“Yeah, I can't go.” Tommy stated firmly shifting under his brothers gaze. You knew this conversation was about to take a turn but like watching a car crash go in slow motion you couldn’t tear your eyes off of the scene about to unfold.

Joel chuckled “Come on Tommy, I made it all this way across the country. We can make it to Jackson”. Tommy took a breath and sighed. Joel stood and tensed, “What, 'cause your wife won't let you?” He accused.

“Joel don’t!” You chastised him. Maria was Tommy’s wife but also your best friend. You weren’t going to have him slagging her off while she couldn’t defend herself. Anger flared in Joel though so be continued to push Tommy “She the one who kept you off the radio? Is that why you stopped messaging me back?” He pointed at Tommy about to walk towards his brother.

You inched forward to put yourself between the brothers if need be. “After we ditched the Fireflies, Maria and her crew found us. They're good people. They didn't have to take us in, but they did. And all they ask is that we follow their rules.” Tommy explained to his stubborn older brother.

“I'm your brother though Tommy” Joel countered, anger and sadness warring behind his eyes. “Yeah, I'm aware. They're very protective of this place, and for good fucking reason. I mean, folks find out we're up here...” Tommy at this point stood getting annoyed that his brother wasn’t understanding why he didn’t respond. But Tommy was oblivious to the hurt you could see in Joel’s body language.

“Wrong people might show up.” Tommy continued. Anger won in Joel’s battle of emotion and strode towards his brother on the verge of blowing his casket, “So is that what I am? Am I the wrong people?” He bites out.

You stood between the brothers now and grab Joel’s arm and sigh his name. He looks at you and for a split second he relaxes in your grip before the fire burns back brighter. ‘Well shit this isn’t going to end well’ you thought. “Those things I did, Tommy, those things that you judge me for, I did those things to keep us alive.” Joel spat out jabbing his fingers towards his brother.

“We all did those thing Joel, not just you.” You argued still gripping his arm to stop him advancing on Tommy, you didn’t want a fist fight in your living room breaking out. “And they weren't "things." We murdered people. And I don't judge you for it. We survived the only way we knew how. But there were other ways. We just weren't any good at 'em.” Tommy agreed and continued.

You’d all done shit things and hurt people, you felt like you’re to blame though for a lot of it so you tensed slightly at the statement. “If you knew the shit that I've been through, Tommy, tryin' to find you these last few months…” Joel plead with his brother. Before Joel could continue, Tommy decided to drop a bombshell on his brother. “I'm gonna be a father.”

You knew this, you were the first person they told when they found out. You were happy for them but your heart ached. You know just because you lost a child you should still be happy for those with or expecting kids. But it’s bittersweet knowing you were always going be a dad but will always be without your kid. Joel loses the fire behind his eyes and goes blank. You recognise he’s probably feeling the same way.

“Maria's a few months along now. So I just gotta be more careful. To be honest, I'm scared to death. But I don't know. Uh... I feel like I'd be a good dad.” Tommy continued offering a small smile searching for his brothers approval. Tommy always loved kids, he was an amazing uncle to both Sarah and Luke while they grew up. He never expected after the outbreak to have his chance to be a father but was so happy to finally have it.

“Guess we'll find out.” Joel spoke emotionlessly. “Joel stop” you pushed him back towards his seat which he took immediately. “I guess we'll find out"? That's all you got?” Tommy now fuming you turn your back on Joel and grab his brothers arm mirroring your previous actions on Joel.

“What else am I supposed to say?” Joel scoffed. “Just because life stopped for you... doesn't mean it has to stop for me.” Tommy spat out angrily, shaking you off his grip as you flinched and grabbed his jacket before slamming your front door leaving.

You picked up your glass and downed the rest of your whisky. You sat and on the sofa and brought the bottle over to fill Joel’s glass up again. His head was in his hands. You hear him whisper to himself “Fuck, fuck,fuck”. “Fuck indeed Joel, you’re going to have to apologise to him” you told him and nudged the glass over to him.

“I know I do, I don’t know why I even said that” he looked lost. “Because you’re hurt you hadn’t heard from him for so long, and specifically him becoming a dad? Well it’s that ache for what used to be same as me” You said the last part wistfully and almost guiltily.

Joel sighed defeated and sipped his drink and relaxed slightly in the chair. “20 years. 20 fucking years since I last saw your face Y/N. I thought you were dead. You need to tell me what happened. Please tell me why you left me.” He whispered to you pleading.

It was your turn to start saying “Fuck” to yourself. You downed half your drink, needing to steady yourself before you could open this whole can of worms and figuring what you wanted to avoid. Would you tell him the complete truth? or would you try and get away with a simplified truth leaving your darkest secret hidden away until you grew the confidence to finally open up and let him see the monster that shared a home in your heart and soul.

(A/N): I know it was quite long, probably riddled with mistakes and not that great. If you managed to read it all thank you! Next chapter will be a talk between you and Joel and I’ll have more freedom to push their relationship and the story on. Let me know what you think 💙

#pedro pascal x male reader #joel miller x male reader #x male reader #gay #joel miller #the last of us #tlou

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