#sketchbook

#sketchbook

Trailer Trash Nightmare

I had a dream last night. I woke up in the dream lying next to a woman named Mama Sue. She was wearing bright green yoga pants and a hot pink tube top. An outfit that graced a body with a beer belly and hairy armpits. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes not wanting this to be real. A cockroach skittered across my chest hairs. I brushed him off and a baby one crawled across my upper lip. I swatted him off and bolted out of bed. She was still snoring. I quietly rose from the filthy mattress letting my barefeet touch a nasty carpet. The carpet was strewn with empty beer cans some still oozing warm foam. The nightstand next to the bed featured a rickety table lamp and an ashtray overflowing with handrolled cigarette butts.

‎I stood up a few feet set from the filthy mattress and pinched myself to make sure my experience was real. While I was backing away I crunched a beer can with my barefeet. Mama Sue rolled over, farted and continued to snore. The fart wafted past my nostrils as vomit tried to creep up my throat.

‎Someone was banging on the trailer door. Mama Sue woke up and put in her glasseye and dentures and said, "Mornin' hon".

‎She had red hair, green eyes, a unibrow, and a face like meat. Her large saggy breasts jiggled like jello that wasn't quite ready.

‎There was some more pounding on the trailer door.

‎Mama Sue muttered some curse words and said, "Alrite I'm comin' dammit"!

‎She motioned to me and said, "Come on hon. It's your stepson and his bride to be. They're going to have baby".

We walked together down the narrow trailer hallway. The carpet was filthy and stained. There was a mousetrap on the floor with a dead mouse in it. The mouse carcass was already mummified a telltale sign it had been there awhile.

Mama Sue opened the door and greeted the couple. She turned to me and said, "Don't you recognize 'em hon. They's your stepson and stepdaughter. Oh come on hon I know we drank a lot of beer last night and hit the meth but you'll remember".

She reached around behind me and grabbed my left buttock and ran her fingers up my crotch. I stood there in shock. I quickly learned the names of my stepson and stepdaughter. The man was Junior and the woman Billie. I learned that they had been married several months and Billie was pregnant. My stepson was 56 years old. He was a peeping Tom in his spare time and there were regular visits from the sheriff asking about his late night outings. The newlywed couple lived in a rickety addition to the trailer that had a leaky tin roof. Junior split his time between working part time at a local recycling center, peeping in neighbors trailer park windows, and raising bedbugs in a small terrarium in his trailer room where he lived with Billie. Billie was in her mid -thirties and was planning on being a stay-at-home mom now that Junior and her had a child on the way.

‎We followed Junior and Billie to the living room. Mama Sue went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for us. She stood on a sticky kitchen floor in dirty flip flops. She was frying rag bologna in cast iron skillet while smoking a hand rolled cigarette. She sneezed over the skillet and said, "Y'all want some grits with your fried bologna and cheese sandwiches?"

‎Mama Sue set paper plates on the coffee table for all of us and brought out the fried bologna and cheese sandwiches on white bread. She put a sandwich on each plate. The bread was toasted brown and bologna was burned on the edges. She then brought out the grits and put a scoop on each plate. My scoop of grits had a lifeless scorched baby roach on top. I carefully picked it off with my fingers careful not to squeeze it. Mama Sue was drinking a tall can of Colt 45 with her meal. I had a glass of water that appeared to have mosquito nymphs in it. Junior and Billie were drinking grape Kool-Aid. Billie was munching on her sandwich and grinning with green teeth and said, "I'm eating for two now Mama Sue". "Tell us about the baby Billie", Mama Sue said as she took a swig off of her beer.

‎"Mama Sue we went and seent the doctor at the public health center and they did one of them sonograms. It's a cute little boy and it has flippers", said Billie as she spooned up some grits. Mama Sue was holding back tears as she took another swig of malt liquor and said, "Aww that's wonderful Billie I'm so glad for you and Junior". "What are you going to name him?" she asked while adjusting her dirty bra strap and pulling down her tube top.

‎Billie smiled with green teeth and exclaimed, "Junior"!

#free_writing

#free_writing Voluminous hedging of the bet stalled the international markets today because they were 4.2% west of nominal profits generated by guessing the barometers that narrowly measured the wind in the wings. In other news it was suggested that Middle East terrorism was on the duck duck go because of constant meddling in uranium flare ups constituting the far gone restoration of idiosyncratic rotation of digits. Now for news about the election. Far winds are out gassing the projected inchworm metrics inhaled by Hillary Clinton. It is also noted that Donald J. Trump may not let the export of rubber bands and weed eaters exude more than 28% bouncing back from a recall initiated by windfall profits in Chinese rain gear.

Derk and the LHC: Chapter 29

Derk stood up as the sniper approached. The cellphone in his back pocket vibrated. Derek's heart raced as the sniper approached. The cell phone vibrated again. The sniper spoke, “You know he's the enemy”. Derk’s heart pounded and his mind raced. Derk began to feel betrayed by the CERN scientists. Everything was going wrong. Derk’s pupils dilated as adrenaline rushed through his body. The sniper spoke again. “Are you with another legion? Are you a Bettera confederate”?, the sniper said in a strange drawl. Derk nervously got up off his knees shaking with adrenaline. “No I'm actually…”, Derk stuttered as he gripped a large rock from the desert floor with his right hand. “Why did you-u kill this man”?,Derk said with a stutter. Derk’s cell phone vibrated once again. “That man is the enemy! Are you a Bettera confederate”?,the sniper replied. Suddenly Derk swung the large rock and smashed it into the sniper’s forehead. A sickening crunch could be heard as the sniper’s forehead caved in. The sniper was still conscious and tried to lunge forward at Derk while holding his rifle. The sniper’s weight and size almost knocked Derk off balance as he swung the blood soaked rock at the sniper’s forehead again. The sniper reeled dropping his rifle. Part of his brain been exposed from the impact. The sniper fell to his knees and blood gushed from his forehead and mouth. His mouth opened momentarily like he was trying to speak. He finally fell on his side as the desert sand quickly soaked up his blood. The sniper was dead.

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhzLkocsy2g)

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