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aliveinacoffin · 6 months

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Life after Shouta has kidnapped you. Things don't seem so bad anymore, either he was getting better or...well, it doesn't really matter, does it?

TW: Sexual content but no smut, references to kidnapping, references to violence, references to body issues

Fem!Reader, She Her Pronouns

Staying trapped in this wished-bone shaped house made you wonder about your old life less and less. You didn’t think about Aya as much anymore, thoughts of her went from every hour to once a week. Thoughts of your family, your old job, old students, old friends, old life grew less and less every day. Instead, you gently cleaned the house every day so the work didn’t pile up, you played video games to keep you busy while Shouta was out, you took up new hobbies, and you even started to cook again. Time was ticking by, and you honestly had no idea how much time had passed. After Shouta had locked you away in the cement room, your sense of time was fucked. You watched the days pass with little interest, merely going through the motions of life.

There were also rules for yourself so you didn’t lose your goddamn mind. Rules that made it easier when the days were hard, rules that let you dissociate and let yourself live in a fantasy world. Somedays there would be an itch under your skin, angry and irritating as the need for it to be scratched grew and grew. Some days you wanted to take a large kitchen knife and plunge it deep inside Shouta’s stomach and watch him bleed out. Other days it felt like the time he was away at work was too much, some days you wanted him to be home all hours of the day so you could breathe in his smell. It was all a confusing sense of needs and wants, ones that waned and grew depending on the day.

Looking in the mirror, you made faces while pulling on the skin of your face. You had gone pale as a result of spending so much time inside. Long press-on nails picked and pulled at the soft skin under your eyes, revealing tender pink flesh. Pinker veins filled with blood decorated the lid, wet and glistening under the white light. Your fingers released, letting both your eyelids go, only to travel to your cheeks. Pinching at the fat that had grown there, which brought you to rule one and subsequently rule two.

Never talk about your weight in front of Shouta or out loud.

Always remember you’re being watched and listened to at all times, there is no privacy.

The first time you had said something about your weight, Shouta had brushed you off, later admitting he liked his women with a little weight on him. The second time though, you had openly called yourself ugly because of your new appearance, and Shouta had not been happy at all. He stopped working and put yourself in front of a mirror while he pounded into you from below, and had made you watch yourself come undone the whole time. Anytime you had looked away, he gave your ass a hard smack. The first few were bearable, but after the sixth, your ass had hurt so much that the whole area was hot and red.

You had learned then to not say anything negative about your appearance, sitting down the next three days was absolute hell. But it didn’t seem like you learned your lesson when a week later you had done the same thing, the difference was that Shouta was not home. He had been away at work when you called yourself ugly again, and he came home a few hours later angrily showing you the video of yourself in the room. He did the same thing again, but he used a small paddle to whap your ass.

You learned that time.

So you let go of the harsh grip you had on your cheeks and moved down your body. Touching the soft skin of your before stopping and squeezing your boobs.

Never deny Shouta your body.

You learned that when you first got here. Those few weeks where Shouta had not touched you a feat you were not aware of. Ever since he got a taste of you, he hadn’t stopped. Every day he craved sex, needing it like he needed you. When he had spanked your ass for the first time you had denied his advances, angrily telling him it hurt to do anything. Shouta had stared at you, jaw ticking while he lay in silence. He shrugged, turning off the lights while he went to bed. You couldn’t sleep, lying on your side terrified of what he might do. You didn’t have to wonder for long.

You had woken up to a mix of emotions, stirring uncomfortably while you tried to get the pressure off your sore ass. You were met with resistance and something over and inside you. It had been the middle of the night, so you couldn’t see anything, but you could hear and feel. You gasped, arching as Shouta pistoned in and out of you, his grip on you tight. His heavy whines and pants were hot in your ear. Against your wishes, you had come surprisingly fast, already on the edge when you had awoken. Shouta finished inside you, as usual, and rolled off of you, leaving you gasping and shaking. He turned back to you, grabbing your jaw with a harsh grip as he brushed his lips against yours.

“I just love you so much, I couldn’t help myself.” He whispered before he wrapped you up in his arms and finally went to sleep. You laid and breathed in his words, realizing that was not the first time he had used your body while you were asleep.

Your hands left your boobs to grip the fat of your stomach, rubbing the skin that bulged out from between your fingers.

Never skip a meal.

Shouta made sure you ate every single meal, and when you had tried to refuse, he had force fed you, angrily telling you if you continued to refuse, this would continue.

“You may not realize it now.” He growled, shoving the spoonful of rice down your throat while he held your nose closed. “But I am nicer than most others.”

You didn’t know what he meant by that, and to be honest, you still don’t, because if he was talking about other people, he was a fucking monster. He was your savior and capture, taking care of you while holding you close to him. Still, you knew he was doing it because you cared, your hands stopped their ministration, going back to the task you were originally doing.

Washing your face.

You got distracted like that on harder days, but on good days, it was easy to forget. It was always easier to forget. Which is why you went by the rules you had, not the reasons they were made. You gently applied the expensive moisturizer, rubbing little circles on your face while you repeated the rules in your head, remembering the ones you had forgotten or gone over.

Never talk about your weight in front of Shouta or out loud.

Always remember you’re being watched and listened to at all times, there is no privacy.

Never deny Shouta your body.

Never skip a meal.

Don’t spend too much time out back.

Don’t ask about going out.

Don’t give him any pleasure in bed.

Don’t make Shouta upset.

Don’t think about outside people.

Don't think about Before.

If it’s a good day, forget all the rules and just think about Shouta.

If it’s a bad day, remember each rule.

Remember, there's no escape without you dying.

These rules kept you alive, kept you sane while you lost control over yourself and your mind. Still, you went on. Putting away your morning routine, you stepped out of the bathroom and into your shared bedroom. Looking around, it looked more like a normal room than ever before. The shelves you had ordered came in some time ago, and it was decorated with selfies of you and Shouta or books. String lights were hung up, as well as posters or paintings that you had ordered. Hooks that held up purses and bags, all unused. A heavy closet sat in the corner, one with mirrors on the inside of the doors and clothes you’d never get to wear. Beautiful dresses and fancy shirts paired with pants that would never see the light of day. On the old black wardrobe held lovely perfume bottles and make-up that cost more than you’d ever spent for yourself sat unused.

You wanted to wear it all, you really did. It just…

It made you too sad.

So instead you shuffled out of the room wearing one of Shouta’s shirts, boxers, and socks into the kitchen. When you emerged from the hallway, you were greeted with the sight of him playing video games on the couch. He liked to on the weekends because the couch was more comfortable, and so he could just easily switch his games off and watch something with you.

Shouta Aizawa. Male, thirty-one, black hair, six foot one hundred and sixty pounds, blood type is B- negative.

Your kidnapper, a man who had been stalking you for an unidentified amount of time and kidnapped you mid/late spring. Who has taken control of your body and of you.

Your lover, the same man who spoiled you rotten every day, who made sure you were taken care of completely before you went to bed. Who loved you, and only you. Forever.

You turned to the kitchen, humming while you flicked on the stove, turning to the fridge. You opened it, preparing to make two omelets, grabbing the eggs, bacon, cilantro, and anything else you might need. Your head went fuzzy when you cracked an egg, remembering something that you had long forgotten.

“Aya!” You laughed, watching in amused horror as she stuffed her face.

“What?!” Her voice was muffled, food bulging out of her cheeks as she ate with a vigor you’d never seen from the girl.

“Be normal!” You were howling with laughter now, stomach hurting with joy.

“How can I when this is the best omelet I’ve ever had?!” She cried, taking a big swallow before she went for another bite.

Rule nine and ten flashed before your mind. You shook your head, chastizing yourself as you continued to make the meal.

9. Don’t think about outside people.

10. Don’t think about Before.

It was an uphill battle, but all you had to remember, all you had to keep yourself sane and safe was the fact that Shouta loved you. You looked up through the little opening over the stove, watching Shouta with interest as you poked and prodded at the early stages of the omelet. He wasn’t talking, just hyper-focused as he replayed a game you had seen him finish before. He was doing a no-death run on the hardest difficulty. His dark eyes flashed over to you, and you smiled softly, and his usual soft grin turned sharp, lust filling his eyes. You sighed, looking back down feeling nothing.

Today was a bad day.

12. Remember each rule

You focused on your task, trying to ignore his sharp gaze. Even while plating and decorating Shouta’s food, you could still feel his eyes on you. Walking over, you silently placed the omelet in front of him, wanting to just go back to bed and pretend you were in your room. When you stood up to leave, Shouta’s strong hand shot out and grabbed onto yours. Looking over in surprise, he was smiling softly at you.

“Good morning.” Shouta’s deep voice rumbled, it was obvious it was the first time he had spoken all morning.

“Good morning.” You leaned over, giving him a chaste kiss. You tried to walk away, but his grip never faltered. “A-are you mad?” You asked, afraid he had watched you judging yourself in the mirror. You hadn’t forgotten rule two, but you hadn't even said anything.

“Of course not, I just love you.” He grabbed your face, pulling you into a deep kiss. You reciprocated, albeit extremely confused. When he pulled away, you fluttered your eyes back open, watching him watch you.

“C’mon, sit.” Shouta leaned back, messy bun pressing into the back of the couch, usually tired eyes filled with life and lust. You shrugged, but when you turned to sit next to the man, he put a hand flat on your ass. He gave you a squeeze before he pushed you back up. You looked at him, confusion filling you again.

He spread his legs wider, smile growing a million miles wider. “No, sit right here.”

Your shoulders slumped, sighing softly as you complied. Outside, you seemed tired and slightly annoyed. Inside, you were at a mental war with yourself. Sex with Shouta had just started to become okay, you had only recently allowed yourself to enjoy it fully. But you had never been on the giving end, rule number seven rang in your head.

So, knowing his full intentions, you leaned back onto one of his thighs and watched him play his games. You could feel his thigh tense, obviously not wanting you to do that, but you couldn't care less.

This game of chicken continued for longer than it should’ve, the tension growing between you two more and more. Would he break first and just use you how you wanted, or would he let you go without anything?

You were broken from your thoughts when Shouta paused the game. Fear immediately flooded your body, heart picking up a million miles per second. A large hand encompasses your head, and you took your time to turn around to look at Shouta. Instead of anger, you were met with…sadness?

“Am I that ugly?” He asked, a look of worried contemplation etched into his face.

“What?” You asked, shocked. Shouta had never acted this way before, never acted insecure or showed any signs that he was.

“Am I ugly? Do you not find me desirable? Am I too skinny, or not big enough?” He asked again, biting his bottom lip.

You were at a loss for words, sitting there in muted shock because Shouta Aizawa has just asked you if he was ugly.

Because of course, the answer was no. A hard no. Of course he wasn’t ugly, and that was the problem. Shouta was disgustingly handsome, with stubble that felt wonderful when he ate you out like he was starving, that tickled when he kissed you. Tired eyes that were so consuming, black, and beautiful despite the eyebags under his eyes. But that only added to his appearance, along with wavy hair that was soft under your guidance. His body was beautiful too, strong and lean with just enough muscle to be hot, but not too much to gross you out. And his dick was nothing to be laughed at.

So you sat between his delicious thunder thighs in shock. Because how could Shouta ever think he was ugly?

“N-no.” you shrugged, heat filling your whole face while you diverted your attention.

“So then why do you hate having sex with me?” He asked again, putting his controller off to the side. Shouta’s attention now wholly and regrettably on you. And you hated this, hated these questions. Because you didn’t hate having sex with him, sometimes you just hated him. But it was just sometimes, you didn’t always hate him. It was just these bad days when you wanted to go out and be free, when you looked in the mirror and saw how much you changed. Outside and in.

“I don’t.” You shrugged, still looking down. He lifted your head up with four fingers, Shouta’s stormy eyes meeting yours.

“Then why do you never initiate anything? I thought you loved me?” He frowned, eyebrows pinched together. You didn’t love him, at least, not today. Some days, you did, truly love him. You loved how he would try to make you breakfast before you woke up, loved how he got you anything and everything you wanted, loved how he did nearly anything you asked, loved those early mornings where you would wake up in his warm embrace knowing you would never need anyone ever again, loved how he was devoted to you.

“I…do.” You though about your words carefully. Thinking over every syllable. “Sometimes are just hard for me.” You shrugged, gaze drifting off to the wide window.

“But nothing’s even happened yet, I thought we were having a good day.” He rubbed your cheek, voice full of sincerity.

“We-I am, I am. I just…miss seeing other people.” You mumbled, knowing full well how upset Shouta got when you brought up other people or even your old life. Rule eight and nine.

“Well, there is a party for people like us tomorrow. I was invited but..” He shrugged, looking slightly guilty. “I wanted to spend my day off with you.”

But that made you brighten a little, the idea of seeing other people. Outside. At a party.

“Could we go?” You asked, voice filled with hope as you fully turned to him, hands on his thighs.

Shouta softened, any insecurity he had melted away. “Yeah, you could wear one of those pretty dresses you bought.” That made you lighten up more. You leaned on his thigh, inching closer to him. “I love you so much.” He gushed, petting you softly.

This was okay, you suppose. You could love Shouta, you could have good days, be happy no matter what you looked or felt like. Tomorrow would be a good day, you were sure of it, and today, you guessed, would be a good day as well. Rules be damned.

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