nothing to say, 4:48pm

you may have noticed that in the last few weeks i have failed to post. i have not even finished telling you about what happened with my time on ncs. this is most simply because i have nothing to say. and nothing that i do say makes an difference. i am not interesting. and people do not want to listen. this is not a cry for attention. it is just a fact. the truth of the matter is i don't have insights on how to look at the world in a better light. i am not helpful. and so, what gives me a reason to post like i am? the answer to that question is that i have no reason. so this will be my final post to this tumblr account. go find somebody to make you feel better somewhere else. i apologise for wasting your time on my nonsense. - wallace

The Full Story - Day Two,8:23pm.

so after an eventful night and a long journey getting to the pgl camp, it was finally time to start our cool activities. first stop, an exercise called the jacobs ladder. basically we had to get into small teams of three, after we had done this we had to get as far up the jacobs ladder as we could within the five minuets that we where given. it is scored by the person that is lowest of the ladder in your team. so of course, you must help your team mates out in getting to the top. the catch is, the higher you get on the ladder, the bigger the gap between the logs that you are climbing, also, you can only touch the post that are above and below you, you can not touch the metal wires. can you see why this would be difficult yet? well whatever you are imagining times it by about 12 and you'll get to how we where feeling as we hauled ourselves up the ladder. the thing is, this first activity is how we realised a crucial fact about my team, we are competitive, extremely competitive in fact, so much so that it become against the rules in our team to loose. we had to win, we where winners, and so, the only logical thing we could do next was name the team, and thats how team win was created, by climbing the jacobs ladder we found out that on the inside, we where winners ~ wallace

The Full Story - Night One, 4:06pm.

so after being at pgl for one night, everyone was alright pretty close with each other. interestingly me and my new room mates had already become the talk of our floor... we had a business idea... and it was perfect... so you know when you go to a a crapy hotel and the pillows aren't fluffy and the bed covers are thin... well, that is exactly what the beds at pgl are like... but me and my new partners in crime.... we found the rather hidden bedding closet... well, you can guess what happened next, we did the most logical thing we could... we took extra bedding... and we built a fort... of course news of our little discovery passed quickly through the halls of rooms filled with our nfs team mates... and thats how we came up with our first tactic in order to win ncs... the four of us in my room decided that if all of our team had enough pillows and bed covers to actually have a descent night sleep we would of course have an advantage over all of the other teams, and so, operation burrito babies was born, and successfully excited. our very first team building activity was off the books and slightly against the rules, but hey ho, it was full, and we had had a fort so your argument is invalid ~ wallace

The Full Story - Day One, 11:17pm.

so i finally have a chance to fully explain everything that has gone on over the last three weeks of my nfs program. i hope you enjoy the adventure i am about to tell you about just as much as i enjoyed living it. so, week one, day one, possibly the scariest thing i have ever done, i got on a bus. but not any old bus, it was a bus full of strangers, people i had never met before, and people i would never even dream of talking to on a daily basis at home. what i didn't know is that these people would soon be like family to me, i would be putting my life in their hands, and they would not once let me down. after arriving at the pgl camp that we where to call home for the next week, everything was just a little awkward, no one knew anyones names, no one knew what the next week had in store for us, there was an awkward silence in the air and none of us knew how to break it. then came the all important ice breakers. i know. we all love them so much ~sarcasm intended~ but actually after a while, they really started to become fun. by the end of the first day the tension was gone - and so was an orange to which we had shredded with our bare hands.  

- wallace

worth a punt eh? - wallace

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

Monday 10th - Friday 14th (week one), 11:59pm.

so i am finally home from a very tiring and painful week at the PGL centre in liddingtion, swindon, for my first week of ncs, and i must say, i am proud. i am proud of myself, and i am proud of my team. we aren't even a team anymore, we are a small family, the nine of us bonded in a way that i can not describe. i guess thats what happens when you are practically living on top of each other. these people are now some very very close friends, friends i feel safe with, friends that have held my safety in their hands and not let me down. every single one of them is incredible, they are smart and funny, and some of them have very strange names! but none the less, they are family now. i can not wait to tell you guys more about what i have done this week, from rock climbing to underground tunnels! but that will all have to wait, for now, i must sleep. i guess being shattered is a common side effect of doing everything and anything at all hours of the day and the night. so in till i have the energy to write more, i bid you farewell, goodnight friends, goodnight family x - wallace

Packing, 3:31pm.

so tomorrow morning i will be on me way to ipswich in order to get on a bus full of people I've never met before and travel all the way to swindon with them for the national citizen service (ncs for short). and you might think that by now, i am packed and ready to go. that could not be further from the truth. i haven't even started packing. instead i am currently waiting for the bath to fill up so that i can ignore my responsibilities for an even longer amount of time. its not that i don't know what i need to take, i have all of that sorted, its just that all of those items are in random places in my house... and i still don't have a bag to put them in... i mean, i could be getting my stuff ready now, but no, i would rather sit here and type this out whilst watching the vampire diaries and attempting to find a hair towel... some might say i am disorganized, those people would be correct - Wallace 

You can love a monster, it can even love you back, but that doesn’t change its nature.

Eliza Crewe, Crushed (via splitterherzen)

Wordless, 1:56am.

you never really understand how little you know about yourself in till someone asks you to write it all down. and the stuff that you do remember, well, it tends to only be the bad. i don't know why that is. maybe someone out there has a theory, and maybe if we ask nice enough they would tell us that theory, i for one would love to hear it. i am currently left wondering about who i really am, what is it that makes me, me. there has to be something that sets me apart from the others, something that is bad, something that is good. but the more i think about it, the more i realise that i don't have that much good to fall back on. yes i have my family and friends, but apart from that, what is there? all i have is bad memories and reoccurring nightmares, thoughts that won't go away and a lack of motivation, and it pains me to think that that is all that i am. i hope that maybe someday i will be something more than that, and i hope that that day is soon. but i do have one question for the small handful of people that actually read my blog. who are you? what makes you who you are? and why are you that way?... just something to think about - Wallace

Never apologise for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn't apologise for being bright and the rain doesn't say sorry for falling. Feelings just are. You can't stop them anymore than you can stop the sun or the rain. So don't apologise. Never apologise for how you feel.

Wallace

My Birthday, 11:48pm.

Here marks the end of the wonderful day that i have had. I would like to thank all of my friends for the great gifts they have given me. 17 at last!

Names And Faces, 1:23am.

There is one thing that has always played on my mind, and i thought that tonight, i would share it with you. Its to do with names and faces, and words. The things we say, and how people remember us saying them. My theory is, If you say something worthwhile, people will remember it, they might not remember your name, or you face, but they will remember your words. That’s why i strongly believe that you don’t have to be someone famous in order to change the world. You just have to say the right thing. People need to remember that an idea can never die, the person that first thought of it may pass, but the idea itself will be picked up be someone else, but that can only happen it you tell people, if you let the world know. If you say something meaning and worthwhile, i can guarantee, that in 100 years time, people might not know what you looked like, and some might not know your name, but they will know what you said. And maybe some people need to think about that more before they speak… - Wallace

The Reason Why, 3:06am.

I want to be a photographer. To be more specific, i want to be a world photographer. I want to travel, i want to learn, i want to embrace different cultures, and i want to take photos. This has not been a life long dream, up in till a year ago i wanted to go into forensic anthropology. Some might ask ‘what changed?’, well, i’ll tell you. I had bad eye sight to start with (i’m short sighted and so i wear glasses) but three years ago, i started going blind. Doctors don't know why, and they can’t stop it, but i live for the fact that its progression is slow, and what keeps me going is that one day, it might even get better. But in till then, i want to take photos. Currently i have lost over 70% of my vision. And its difficult, i struggle with depth perception (making stairs a right pain) and i now struggle reading in black and white. But that doesn't explain the photography business now, does it? The reason i want to be a photographer, the reason i feel the urge to photography everything.. is because i hope for the day that my eyes will get better, and when they do, i will be able to finally see the amazing things that have been right in front of me, but have been out of reach. I want to see the colours of the sunrise, and notice every detail of a painting. I want to appreciate the true beauty of the world. And in till i can do that, i will take photos, i will save them, because i already know what looks pretty, i know what the colours are and what looks good. I just wish i could see it all again. So thats the reason, i want to be a photographer, because i want to see - Wallace

The Pain, 3:10am.

Its constant. The pain that is. It is constant and overbearing. It makes me not want to move my body for fear of making it worse, it makes me want to die. But it is something that i must deal with on a daily basis. With the select issues that i suffer from, pain is inevitable. The only way i could describe it, is if you where to imagine yourself being electrocuted, over and over and over again, all day every day. And there is nothing i can do about. Pain. I feel as if it is a close friend rather than something i feel. Ive been living with it for so long that you would think it would dull over time. But no. Ever shock is just as bad as the first. Every time if happens it makes me want to scream out for help. But i cant do that. I have to stay strong. So no. No screaming, no nothing, just ignore the pain, hope it goes away. Though all of this, i have realised the full meaning of one thing. Ignorance is bliss - Wallace

Thats the mystery, isn't it? Is the labyrinth living or dying? Which is he trying to escape - the world or the end of it?

John Green

The Annoying Thing About Me, 10:12pm.

Apart from the fact that no sleep makes me grouchy, and i don’t really sleep so take a guess at what i am 24/7 ( hint - the answer is grouchy ), I am a complete and utter twat. And i know i’m a twat. This issue is, its in my nature to be a twat. And for some unbeknown reason to me, people like me, BECAUSE I'm a twat. Some people might ask ‘how’ am i a twat? Well, I’ll tell you. I am honest, and honest people tend to be twats. And we are twats for the sole reason that people don't want to hear the truth. And when you tell them the truth, they call you a twat. But the truth is, id rather be a twat than a lier. And the odd thing is, that’s what my friends like in me. It appears that brutal honesty is an attractive quality to some people. But some times, some times i wish i could lie to people, it would be so much easier if i could. I would be able to blend into the background easier, but no. It seems that the truth is all I've got, and i guess it’s okay. At least it means i can lie to myself either - Wallace

Late night listening - Wallace