SEDUCED: INSIDE THE SECRET WEREWOLF IMPRINTING CULT

you ever just think about whateverthef*ck went down between jacob and renesmee? like, in the end? after the credits roll, and her brain catches up to her gangly animatronic body? i hope she swerves jacob black so hard his neck snaps all the way off from the whiplash alone. like wtf?! i hope sus woke tf up and said hell naw, “sir i am disgustedt, futhermore i would very much like to be excluded from this entire supernatural child-grooming narrative henceforth. thank you, next!” i truly hope that that’s what happens in the end, otherwise i shudder to think of what supernatural monstrosity their union may spawn. i will never forgive y’all for lettin steven e maya get away with putting pen to paper to breathe life into this entire world of f*ckery. i used to argue with my friends in high school over this and no one ever seemed to see where i was coming from, but i wonder if any of my friends have changed their thinking on this over time? *i imagine like any normal functioning human being they’ve never paid our prior twilight-related impasse any second thought and simply moved on with their lives, but honestly it’s never been in my nature to simply forgive and forget... and especially not when i feel like i’m completely in the right about something*

i lowkey kinda enjoy watching legacies

i used to highkey enjoy watching legacies but, um... as a twenty-something it wasn’t long before i noticed just how childish legacies can really come across at times... yet still, i cannot help it if my interest is piqued from time to time...

now look, i know! i’m not exactly the target demographic viewer for a show like this but... that being said, i grew up on stuff like this. and i am nothing if not an avid cw apologist, a convert from the wb days. that being said, i’m whelmed.

save the damsel in distress bs, i came to see some strong female leads live/do/thrive not flounder around. like wtf?! lizzie and josie are not just squabbling sisters they’re an unstoppable duo! and not only is josie incredibly smart but with MG around to keep everyone in line there was no reason the supersquad couldn’t secure a W without having reinforcements swoop in and save the day.

i know they’re young, but i feel like the writers continuously underestimate the intellect of these characters as well as their strengths. sure, it’s only fair we let someone else save the day for a change... but we shouldn’t have to come up with outta pocket reasons to incapacitate hope to find an excuse to do that!

i’m already dreading episode three for personal reasons but, here’s hoping whatever the writers have in store next week doesn’t feel quite as uninspired.

nancy drew and the mystery of whatever tf crawled up ace’s dumptruck bubble butt and died

me: uses telekinesis to will ace and nancy to hook up so i can slowly lose interest as they inevitably fizzle out and forever alter their friendship thereby ruining yet another perfectly good show for absolutely no reason

me: sitting in silence realizing the writers want no part in my shenanigans...

d*mn the writers on this show really be knowin what to do to keep me hanging on... like when they killed off owen and i was mad for like a millisecond cause he was hot and kinda interesting, but then they came in clutch with the who’s your daddy mystery. ★★★★☆ season 2 premiere! would return to horseshoe bay.

THIS IS MY VILLAIN ORIGIN STORY!!!

me: making it my lifelong duty to have tough conversations with my brother and open his eyes to the multitude of ways society exploits and oppresses women over the years because it’s not like my parents were ever gonna do it.

him: arming himself with the tools i gave freely to brazenly wield the power of the patriarchy himself in order to further disenfranchise women in new ways.

i swear: i will never forgive the studios for not making an alice cullen spin-off

i feel like all of the actors from twilight are probably so over anything having to do with the movies but... at the same time... it was such a missed opportunity for the creators not to explore a prequel explaining alice's origin story. ugh. so much untapped potential.

they tried to cram so much of the books into the movies that they absolutely dropped the ball on supplementary characters. not that stephanie gave much thought into giving them any depth outside of just existing solely to serve edward and bella's every whim and desire but... still, we had room to work with.

personally, charlie has always been my favorite character in the series and yet, i've always found myself lobbying for emmett and alice particularly. kellan lutz is just so cute and charming and yet it felt like at times they had so little use for him in the films. i always felt like emmett and alice got the short end of the stick. they're so underutilized.

especially alice. i mean, she’s such an underdeveloped character that you don't even really get to see how her and bella’s friendship unfolds and so it’s really odd when bella feigns remorse over alice and jasper’s disappearance in breaking dawn part 2 because it’s like... d-did she ever really matter to you to begin with? are y’all even that close? or do you really just like making everything about you all the time? what gives?

also, not gonna lie... i feel like ashley greene could've bodied her own spin-off. i’ve lost any and all hope of one day finding out who created alice or what her pre-cullen life could have been like but the intrigue lives on. did stephanie meyer ever have intentions of fleshing out the mystery of alice’s early life, or was she just gonna leave us hanging? we were literally robbed of more cam gigandet!

come outside @netflixnextdoor! ain't nobody finna jump you, we just talkin

so mad i could cry. we deserve better. not just fans, but kiernan shipka, chance perdomo, lucy davis, miranda otto, lachlan watson, chance perdomo, michelle gomez, tati gabrielle, richard coyle, chance perdomo, the vfx department, the production designers, chance perdomo...

i cannot believe i stayed up all night finishing the chilling adventures of sabrina— just to find out that not even the cold, dark embrace of death could break this young woman free from the shackles of the relentlessly un-yeilding dickmatization with which she had been afflicted all throughout life. must sabrina never truly know peace?! i am livid.

when will rubberdough agua cicada finally pay for his crimes against humanity?

so. much. singing.

i have a rare medical condition that makes me cringe at the sight of actors bursting out in song and dance for no reason and caos is giving me really bad flareups. also: nick just told sabrina they’re “endgame.” and i jus-

why roberto aguirre-sacasa, why oh why must you hate me so?!

no, no, no, no, no. all of this singing and dancing is killing the vibe. stop. i want magic. dark, sexy magic, and horror, lots of it, is that so much to ask for? and, a smidgen of feminist propaganda offset by coming of age drama with, like, super moody aesthetic lighting choices that make no sense for the time or place, but no one really questions cause, well... vibes! have we learnt nothing from the stain on the entire caos franchise that was season 3? it’s caos not newsies!