Surviving the Scorching Heat: Tales from the Bird Spa.

While heatwaves have large parts of the U.S. feeling like they’re in a blast furnace (Thanks a lot, climate change), here in the Sonoran Desert, the sizzle is as unrelenting as normal. Valley cities laying down concrete and asphalt like they’re going out of style have intensified the scorching climate by a whopping 10 to 15 degrees F over the past century. This year, we’d grown complacent,…

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Staring at Death -- A Tale of Two Passengers

The young guy was fired up. Not at me. But at Arabs. He was Hispanic American and he let me know in no uncertain terms that he hated Arab Uber drivers. He lives in an apartment complex, and, apparently, they have canceled on him a few times when they couldn’t find his apartment and he couldn’t understand them when calling to give them directions. In fact, he’d just had another one prior to me…

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Sample Chapter: The Prodigal Brother

I’m still suffering from blogging lethargy, though at least I’m putting my energy into my book. I don’t know if I’m ever going to finish it, but I definitely feel a lot more positive about it these days. I’ve decided that it will never be perfect and if the story is flawed, I no longer care, I’m just going to tell it to the best of my ability. And that has helped immensely. Anyway, this is a…

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Blame It on the Mongolians

There is the scent of failure in the air, which smells like charred cornstarch because that’s, in fact, what it is. I thought I’d give cooking Mongolian chicken a go this evening. Let’s just say it could have gone better. For all the smoke in the house, you’d think Genghis Khan’s actual Mongol Horde had ridden through, burning and pillaging its way across the known world. The smoke irritates my…

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Luckily the Dead Aren't in a Hurry

Maybe taking 11 years to get a death date added to a grave marker was a bit excessive....

Well, it’s been 11 years since my dad died and I have finally got his date of death added to his grave marker. Feel free to judge me; I wouldn’t blame you if you do, but I posit that I’m not a bad son — merely a procrastinating one. After my mom died twenty-two years ago, Dad bought a shared marker, anticipating his eventual demise. It had both of their details on it and was only missing the date…

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Age Is Just a Number (Especially in My Family)

My younger sister sent me a rather ominous text the day before my 56th birthday last week. “Enjoy your last day as a 56-year-old.” “Why?” I responded. “Are you planning on killing me?” Fortunately for me, she wasn’t. Turns out she thought I was turning 57. I assured her, I was not. Her birthday is in January, so we’re not quite two-years apart, and since she was already 54, she got confused…

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Escaping Percy Granger

When I started attending Arizona State University in the mid-80s, I had a dream of being a screenwriter, but no real concrete plan on how to achieve it (the story of my life, really). Taking basic creative writing courses and reading Syd Field’s screenwriting bible on my own time was my only option. Then, during my sophomore year, I heard about an advanced playwriting class, THP460 Dramatic…

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Top Gun: Maverick -- Worth Seeing?

Top Gun: Maverick — Worth Seeing?

We’ve started our summer schedule at work meaning I have Fridays off for a couple of months. I was up bright and early this morning and trying to figure out what to do with my day. Something productive? It’s not like there’s a shortage of home projects. Instead, I went and caught a 10:00 a.m. movie; the new Top Gun: Maverick film starring the king of action films himself, Mr. Tom Cruise. No…

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Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Thursday Blink, blink; I’m wide awake at 3:30 a.m. Fourth day in a row. I’m tired of this nonsense (forgive any weak puns; I’m blaming exhaustion and all that). Why am I awake at this ungodly hour? Actually, my body doesn’t need any reasons to torture me with lack of sleep, though this time, I suspect it’s because we just started a new summer work schedule — Monday through Thursday, 10-hour…

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Yep, I'm a Whitey

Yep, I’m a Whitey

They just updated my Ancestry profile and added a new feature that shows the contribution of ethnicity by each parent. Exciting stuff! I couldn’t wait to check it out to discover more insights. I must say I was a little surprised at the results. Not that I’m pretty damn white, which I am, but at the specific breakdown. Now, they constantly tweak your results over time as more people take DNA…

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Bad Blood

I’m a lot better about getting blood tests these days. Growing up, I had a real fear of them. The needles are much smaller now, and you usually feel a minor pinch. Not like in the old days when the bore size of the needle made it feel like a harpoon going in, and I’d be woozy until the nurse removed the needle. If you read my last post, you know about my annual physical; I mentioned that the…

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The Neighborhood Death March

The Neighborhood Death March

I really hate walking as a form of exercise. A walk can be nice if I have an endpoint (like a coffeehouse), and there are interesting things to see, and it’s not a bazillion degrees out. But circling through my boring neighbor isn’t my idea of excitement — it’s a metaphorical death march. But I really don’t have a choice because I hate gyms even more. See, I went up the road to my doctor’s…

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Time for Hot Love(birds)

Time for Hot Love(birds)

We’ve had our fair share of blazingly hot days this summer. Well, duh, Sean, you do live in a desert city. Yes, I know, but trust me, even knowing what’s coming down the pike doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. Ask the local birds. A few of them have ended up needing assistance; obviously, they haven’t been following the experts’ advice to remain in the shade and stay hydrated. I’ve seen it…

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Finito! It's Gone

Finito! It’s Gone

Well, I finally did it. The mad scientist look is a thing of the past — I’ve chopped off my long locks. Or actually, Rosalinda did. It’s just taken me till now to get off my ass and type up a blog. It was not as traumatic this time — unlike when I got my long hair cut when I was twenty-eight after 6 years of looking like a rocker. Back then, when I decided to get it cut, I remember the…

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Update: Pandemic Hair

We're one year into the pandemic crisis and, according to some, my hair has also become a disaster.

Well, I got my second COVID-19 shot last Tuesday, and in two weeks, when I’m hopefully at maximum immunity, I’ll have the big decision — to get my hair cut or not. Since the last time I posted about my lack of a haircut about eight months ago, my hair has really gotten out of hand and is starting to approach lengths not seen since my twenties (though it was a lot longer back then). Age has my…

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The Universe - or Someone - Has It in for Me

I don't know what's going on -- but strange things are afoot at my local Fry's Grocery store. Either I have rotten luck -- or the Universe has it in for me.

As I stood in the cracker aisle in Fry’s the other night, I was about to lose my shit. All I wanted was some crackers — a box of Private Selection brand Rosemary Entertainment Crackers to be specific. But what I was staring at was a gaping hole where the Rosemary crackers should be. Sesame, Toasted Sesame, Peppercorn Poppy, Classic, Wheat with Roasted Germ — they were all fully stocked in deep…

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Murder in the Backyard

Murder in the Backyard

I was doing my quarterly patrol of the backyard (a.k.a. yardwork) when I stumbled across the body. Startled, I froze in horror, staring at the unfortunate victim, dragged by the killer and hidden under a cassia bush. The desecrated body was on its back with its limbs splayed, empty eye sockets staring, the abdominal cavity a gaping cavern. There was no smell — so, the kill wasn’t fresh, but I…

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