I am failing at restriction big time atm and it's so hard not to binge all the time. I wanna fucking die. I feel my thighs touch constantly and I feel absolutely disgusting, fat and dirty. :(

First i managed it for a few weeks, saw aome loss and then i felt happy again, and then i started eating again and now i can't stop again :(((

Recently i started getting hot flashes everytime i felt upset or stressed. Never had that before.

And my fears of abandonment have come up again. I used to be bullied really bad, had fake friends who purposely left me out of group projects, activities, meet ups etc. for years. Since then i've been getting irrationally upset if my friends do ANYTHING without me. And inthink they don't want me there and that they hate me and that all they want is to see me hang myself. And all that nice stuff. It got better after a while but atm it's been coming up again. I have new and better friends now but the thoughts and feelings stay the same. I can't deal with this anymore, i don't want to. I don't wanna constantly fear that they all secretly think im annoying and that they hate me. It's unbearable.

Are my legs actually that big or am i just going crazy😭😭😭

BE HONEST

I really wanna kill myself rn.

I see no fucking point, i can't do anything in school, i wanna cvt so bad again, i wanna swallow a shit ton of pills in hopes i d!e.

We have a huge construction project in our house, it's on the verge of falling apart.

My dog is sick.

Basically, we were getting rid of our upstairs bathroom wall and i wanted to help, i wasn't allowed to and then got yelled at for not helping and all i could really do was to help clean up. I was in school when they started tearing down the wall and they secured all the doors except for mine, so now my entire room is covered in dust (my room is also right next to the wall they tore down) and sonce my depression is so fucking bad atm, i can't clean anything really, now im stuck with living in dust. I honestly don't even care that much, i just feel incredibly disregarded because my room is the only one which they didn't put even a bit of effort in to secure it from getting that shit all over my room.

In general, im a complete mess. I start crying for no apparent reason all the time atm, i feel overwhelmed by just one thing i have to do and start crying, can't concentrate on anything in school so im failing all my classes and i probably won't graduate because of it.

Sh0pl1fted this beauty 🤭

She barely fit in my bag and my friends nephew asked right next to the register if we're stealing😭

They also put the draculaura dolls i don't have yet away AAAAARRRKKK

From that store i stole like 139.93€ in total so far. Which is like 3 dolls and a few plushies

I genuinely don't know if it's the body dysmorphia or a sensory issue but my thighs touch, when i walk they do too and it's such a disgusting feeling that the last thing i wanna do it walk. It makes me feel so uncomfortable i could scream and cry.

Sh0pl1fted these 2 yesterday🤭

I love 'em sm! EEEEKKK

☆

Draculaura doll: 39.99€

Draculaura plushie: 7,99€

Total: 47.98€

Look at them! They're besties 🤭

(Ik i need to clean my shelf, im just kinda too depressed to do it ngl)

Frr

Not stopping until i have a monster high body

I'd rather rot in hell for the eternity instead of lowering my head for a god that allowed all of this

For context this is a piece i made to vent out my frustration towards my father and everyone in the child-care system.

My father physically, emotionally and psychologically abused me. I reached out for help multiple times and they all told me my situation wasn't bad enough to get out or they thought i was lying.

I am still living with my parents and he still does the exact same stuff except for the physical abuse. I feel like i'll never get out and will be stuck with him forever. I'd rather k*ll myself than let this happen.

⭐- I drew the art, i edited it, and put the text on top.

So, i have periods of eating normally and starving and i noticed, my face is it's normal roundish shape when i eat normally and when i restrict it kinda falls in-itself.

I love it so it's not an issue for me, it fits my style too but i wonder why.

Fucking true.

nobody cares how pretty your face is if you’re fat.

or at least that’s what i’ve learned

Td was a good day.

I liquid fast until dinner.

I had 679cal and burned 333cal td!

I had 2 coke zeros, a coffee, a pack of chicken flavored ramen and a small pudding for dinner.

but im also still pretty dizzy and shaking rn, not sure why exactly though. *~*

I'm cat sitting over the next week, i might try to fast the entire week! :)

Base infos abt me :)

My name's Lydia

I'm 18

I'm goth & emo

I have an 3d and im a shoplyfter. This acc is for both!

If you don't like it feel free to block me.

My Sw was around 100kg and im 169cm

I'm currently at around 70-65kg, im not sure.

I'm aiming for 50kg though! wish me luckk :3

(also really love Monster High)