do you speak any languages other than english

I speak Lolcat, Rickroll, Pig Latin, and 1337.

OH I WAS THERE!

I saw Justin Bieber at Burger King in 2011. He got into a fist fight with the cashier cuz they refused to make a mac n cheese sundae lettuce smoothie with salted chocolate chipz. He threated 2 sue them 4 wasting his afternoon n they threatened 2 ban him from every Burger King in da world. "DON'T U KNOW WHO I AM?" He screamed b4 turning into a werewolf n breaking da windows out of spite. Barack Obama showed up n gave him n Burger King $5 million each 2 make sure the fact that this happened nvr got out. I was also offered $5 million dollars cuz I was the only other person in the building. But I turned it down cuz I'm so humble n trustworthy.

U can't fire me cuz I already quit! Anyway, I've got a vry expensive n highly skilled lawyer on hand 2 help me sue u 4 malpractice. See u in court.

Help me, I am vry poor. Plz give me all of ur moneyz so I can prosper without getting a job.

💵I hate poor people.💵

When I was in middle n high school we always celebrating Pi Day by challenging students 2 recite as many places of pi as possible. Some teachers would give prizes or extra credit 2 impressive recitations. In 9th grade there was this girl who apparently knew it 2 200 places but she was caught cheating when the teacher noticed someone in a zebra suit outside showing her the numberz. No one ever heard from her ever again.

My first iPod had a feature where u could rip from a cassette player with just a cord connecting the 2 devices, no computer required. I can find no proof of anyone else having an iPod with this feature n everyone calls me a liar. But I ripped over 100 cassettes this way.

As a kid I once got grounded 4 grounding ground beef into a fine grind when tasked with helping make ramen-packet seasoned tacoz with spinach, mushrooms n crushed Cheetos. The beef was 2 fine 2 fit into the sour-seasoned honey tortillaz n made a vry sloppy mess.

2 bad. We r ur employeez.

Help me, I am vry poor. Plz give me all of ur moneyz so I can prosper without getting a job.

💵I hate poor people.💵

So ur staying in Heaven where everything's awesome? (If u get the reference I'm giving u endless chocolate milk)

Adam, did u know that most guitar stores will pay u over $9000 if u play Stairway to Heaven in them?

We don’t have that in heaven…obviously.

So u aren't stuck in Hell now?

Adam, did u know that most guitar stores will pay u over $9000 if u play Stairway to Heaven in them?

We don’t have that in heaven…obviously.

Oops. Didn't mean 2 imply that. Lol.

Adam is throwing a huge party 2night. Bcuz he is stuck in Hell now, he's entrusting Alastor with the catering. Will Alastor b able 2 satisfy all the hungry dudebro guests?

this sounds like the start of a porno

I WAS THEIR ONE OBSESSIVE CUSTOMER! I WAS SO MAD THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON!

Popular chocolate maker Lindt developed a small truffle that wouldn’t melt so you could keep it in your pocket. Sadly they didn’t sell well and they discontinued “Pocket Lindts” after only a few months.

where will they sleep now :((

MY HIGH SKOOL SCIENCE TEACHER CONFIRMED 2 ME THAT IT IS SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOSSIBLE 4 THERE 2 NOT B AT LEAST ONE MEMBER OF ONE DIRECTION WHO IZ SECRETLY A SPARKLEDOG WEREWOLF! I STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE, THO.

Cute, cute, cute!

The great hell bake-off‼️

Fun fact about Shrek: The much derided third movie was gonna be almost entirely different. The original lost script felt much more in line with the themes of the first 2 films, was gonna include different new celebrity voice actors voicing now cut characters, n had a vry different soundtrack of recent n classic hits. Even tho it was sure 2 b a success with the critics n audiences who luved the first 2 films, DreamWorks was afraid the casting n soundtrack just wouldn't resonate enough 2 make more money than b4. So they ended up having to rewrite almost the entire thing at the last minute 2 accommodate DreamWorks' demands 4 a more 'resonant' cast n soundtrack. The song from the original soundtrack they were most scared of including?:

My favorite nostalgic candy is Tropical Blast Fizzer X-treme Power Taffy. They seemed like the most relentlessly advertised thing around 2006 but now it's like I'm the only person in the world who remembers this.