Just hanging out with our kitty. On the lounge bed. Lounge bed is the best. Sometimes life is just enjoying the little moments #thelittlethings #mentalhealthgoals #kittensofinstagram #pinkhair #unicornhair #adventuresofscout

OCD challenge part 17: going back on myself. I hate going back on myself - walking or driving. I love complete circles, routes that go round perfectly. I don't like walking on the same side of the street twice, I don't like going to the same place in one day. Today I did that, and it was SUPER annoying, but therapy says this sort of annoyance helps in the long term. So there we go! I'm annoyed and apparently moving forward. Ta dah. #mentalhealthgoals #mentalhealthawareness #ocdawareness #cbt #therapy #thelittlethings

I'm not complicated, you're complicated #hennatattoo #hennadesign #henna #hennaart

OCD challenge part 16: go to work even when I feel terrible. This is what goes into me to keep me functioning today. Imodium and buscopan treat my IBS when it's really bad (like today) paracetamol manages the pain. That is on top of my anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. On days like today, it's hard for me to keep to my normal routine. Sometimes my symptoms are so bad I can't go on with my day, but some days it's actually the anxiety that is the most disabling. Sometimes the fear of going out into the world feeling so physically vulnerable is overwhelming. Today I felt that. But therapy has helped me to manage my fears. Today I needed to go to work. Rather than focus on all the terrifying "what ifs?" Of the day, I focused on the ways I could leave the situation if I had to, minimising my fears. It sort of worked. And I got through the day, and made it home for some bed and rest. #mentalhealthgoals #mentalhealthawareness #ibs #ocd #ocdawareness

OCD challenge part 15: buy things without guilt. Okay, so this is pretty much a massive life concept that is impossible to adjust in just one day, but we want to the shops yesterday and I bought a book I didn't need. I am a highly qualified shopper (I have a friend whose husband blames me for all of her impulsive purchases) and I love it, but I do get serious shoppers guilt if I can't justify it to myself. It's on sale, it's for charity, it's a gift, it's a good investment, all of those are good. Basically, I need a reason that satisfies my own irrational internal narrative. Yesterday I didn't have one, except that I wanted books. For myself. At full price. Because I am responsible for my own money and decisions. And I didn't just buy one book - I bought two! Enjoyed this book - was sold on the Sarah Walters comparison, but I felt it was much more heavy handed than Sarah waters, but it had a gripping plot! Read it all this afternoon and it flew by. #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthgoals #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #bookshelf #almondforaparrot

Ruach Hakodesh. The divine inspiration. They breathed. #hennatattoo #henna #hennadesign

OCD challenge part 13: drinking coffee again. This is a short story about coffee. I love coffee. I have loved coffee all my life; loved the smell of my dads french press on a Saturday morning, the sweet taste of sugar-coma inducing frappucinos after school, the silky smooth texture of Turkish coffee served by the ocean, I love coffee. Then I developed a serious anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders do not like caffeine. Caffeine stops you sleeping, ruins your gut, and leaves you a shivery wreck. So I quit caffeine. Two, horrible weeks followed of mind crushing fatigue and blinding headaches. I was lucky to be married by then and bonded by eternal heavenly vows, or my partner would surely have left me, I was so grouchy. I switched to decaf. It didn't smell or taste as good, but it was a faint replica. Then a couple of months ago, even decaf started affecting my stomach, and afraid and feeling out of control I cut it out. All decaf. The thing was, maybe sometimes the decaf was upsetting my gut, but the reason I cut it out was anxiety. It was fear, the fear of the unknown and the need to exercise control over my body. But therapy has taught me that my body sometimes cannot be controlled. Sometimes I will just get sick. But life still needs to be lived. And enjoyed. So today I am drinking a very very weak decaf coffee. I am anxious, but I am also so so happy to be smelling that faint whiff of delicious coffee beans that I have loved my whole life. It might make me sick this afternoon, but right now, right now, there is life to be lived. #ocdawareness #mentalhealthgoals #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #ibsdiet #ibsawareness #staystrong

it's the exposure list! I've only ticked 4 things off this list, since a lot of the exposure things I've ended up doing are things that challenge me in an unplanned way. Measuring progress in a slow way. #mentalhealthgoals #mentalhealthawareness #ocdproblems #exposuretherapy

These are a few of our favourite things part 7: I didn't do an OCD challenge today. Instead I read a book. It was good. 😊sometimes life just needs to be what it is. #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthgoals #ocd #ocdissues

Couldn't ask for a more beautiful writers spot. Holiday time! #writing #writersofinstagram #writinglife #writenow (at Etchingham)

First foray into ambidextrous henna! Flexing my right hand. Something nice and simple, Gandalf's runes from LOTR. #henna #hennatattoo #lotrtattoo #gandalf #keepitsecretkeepitsafe

These are a few of my least favourite things part 2: putting my yoga mat in a different place in class. As part of my therapy I am doing one thing that challenges my OCD every day. Like moving to a different spot in yoga class. Couldn't quite manage moving all the way to the other side of the room, but hey. Baby steps. #theseareafewofmyleastfavouritethings #OCD #overcontrol #therapy #staystrong

These are a few of my least favourite things part 1: parking the "wrong" way in the car park. As part of my therapy, my therapist has challenged me to do one thing every day that challenges my OCD and my overcontrol tendencies. Hence the "wrong" parking. Ugh. Just look at it! #theseareafewofmyleastfavouritethings #ocd #overcontrol #therapy #lifeoutloud

Sometimes you just end up back in bed, trying not to beat yourself up. I blogged about it here: https://runningin2mentalillness.wordpress.com/2017/08/02/to-not-beating-yourself-up/ #depression #anxiety #ocd #ibs #ibssucks #staystrong #depressionawareness #ocdawareness #chronicillness

Oh hello chapter 3. Wasn't expecting to get to you tonight, but very happy to meet you. Let's hang out this week. #writinglove #writinglife #writing #writersofinstagram #writingwins

Muffin time!! #bakingandwriting #muffintimes #baking

Lemon and ginger muffins! It's been a baking evening :) #muffintimes #baking #bakingandwriting