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A scene from the 1987 George Furth directed production of Merrily we Roll Along in Chicago

Act One, Scene 2

Anatoly’s mansion in Bel Air (1979)

#2 Rich and Happy

(The stage explodes with talk -- cocktail party talk.

The set has become a glorious Bel Air California patio complete with swimming pool.

There is continuous babble, rising and falling with the music, sometimes continuing into silences.Ronald Reagan is at the piano and Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy are leaning on it, looking at the crowd. Molokov is playing backgammon with someone. Anatoly is at the top of the stairs, surveying all. Behind him is a huge billboard advertising “LIGHT OUT OF DARKNESS - A Anatoly Ravioli Production” and featuring a prominent closeup of its beautiful new star, Svetlana Kincaid.

The time is one year earlier.)

[The Merchandiser ]

So we bought this little chessaboardium…

[The Arbiter]

So we found this little Chinese arbiter…

[Molokov]

It's a clear case of Soviet politics…

[Vigand]

We were stuck on the freeway till half past six…

[The Merchandiser ]

So we bought this little chessaboardium…

[ALL FOUR]

King...

Rook...

Knight…

(Snort line of cocaine)

NO ONE CAN DENY THAT THESE ARE DIFFICULT TIMES!

(Anatoly steps out of the shadows on the balcony, raising a glass, gradually dancing his way down the stairs with exaggerated cheerfulness)

[Anatoly]

Who needs a dream?

Who needs ambition?

Who'd be the fool

In my position?

Once I had dreams

Now they're obse ssions

Hopes became needs

Lovers possessions.

Then they move in

Oh so discreetly

Slowly at first

Smiling too sweetly

I opened doors

They walked right through them

Called me their friend

I hardly knew them.

Now I'm where I want to be and who I want to be and doing what I

always said I would and yet I feel I haven't won at all.

Running for my life and never looking back in case there's

someone right behind to shoot me down and say he always knew I'd fall.

When the crazy wheel slows down

Where will I be? Back where I started.

[ALL]

NO ONE CAN DENY THAT THESE ARE DIFFICULT TIMES!

(Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy are singing “Good Thing Going” by the piano with Ronald Reagan accompanying him. Walter DeCoursey, a disheveled man in his forties, is listening to them and scowling)

Walter: (groans) God, if I have to hear this song one more time, I swear I’ll have a fit.

(Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy stop singing and turns to Walter)

Embassy Chaps: I don’t believe we’ve ever formally met. (Holds out hand) I’m four men from an embassy. Like the poet.

Walter: (takes it) I’m Walter. Like “good ol’ Walter”.

Embassy Chaps: What are you having?

Walter: Not much fun.

Embassy Chaps: There’s a bar over in the corner. It’s got everything.

Walter: (flirting) So have you.

Embassy Chaps: Excuse me?

Walter: I was being a brat. I’m a forty-two year-old brat. (Laughs)

(Anatoly approaches and greets Walter affectionately)

Anatoly: Hey, pal, thanks for flying out here tonight.

Walter: Hey, pal, thanks for buying me the ticket.

Anatoly: I see you and Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy are getting on well.

Walter: He’s trying to get points by singing your old songs.

(Walter switches her empty glass with his full one and drinks)

Anatoly: You know, he did the score for my chess tournament.

Walter: How come you didn’t compose your own score?

Anatoly: He’s got a newer sound.

Walter: Well, that’s certainly better than no sound at all. I got a letter from Anatolyie, by the way.

Anatoly: Mm. At least my son writes to you.

Walter: To thank me for coming to his graduation.

Anatoly: He didn’t invite me.

Walter: He didn’t invite me either.

Anatoly: How is Anatolyie?

Walter: Why don’t you ask him yourself? You know, if you -

(They are interrupted by Gwen Wilson, an obnoxious gossip columnist. The Arbiter, his rich backer, is following close behind)

Gwen: Anatoly, I am beginning my broadcast, “Where Anatoly Ravioli goes I go, because that is where the A-list goes.”

Walter: Now I know what the ‘A’ stands for...

(Anatoly starts to move away to speak to his other guests, then turns back to Walter)

Anatoly: Walter, don’t get too drunk.

Walter: Anatoly, I can’t get too drunk.

(Walter goes somewhere else. The Arbiter approaches Anatoly)

The Arbiter: I cannot tell a lie, so I must say that you are looking very young and very handsome.

Anatoly: Ah, I needed to hear that. Just today I was invited to go back and speak at my old high school commencement next year, since I will have been out twenty-five years.

The Arbiter: Be still, my heart.

Embassy Chaps: How rude of them to remind you.

Gwen: Are you going to go?

Anatoly: Only if my chess tournament flops, my marriage collapses, my life falls apart and I need some good press.

(Babble music)

All: NO ONE CAN DENY THAT THESE ARE DIFFICULT TIMES!

(Anatoly goes somewhere else.Ronald Reagan starts catching Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy up on who all the people attending the party are)

[Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy

Which one is that one?

[Ronald Reagan]

That one's the rich one.

[Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy

Married to which one?

[Ronald Reagan]

I think it's that one.

[Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy

Making it…

[Molokov & The Merchandiser ]

We are the friends of Anatoly…

[Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy

Everybody’s making it…

[Molokov & The Merchandiser ]

We all have Anatoly to thank...

[The Arbiter]

Twenty years ago, who'd have thought?

Who'd have thought

I'd be standing here

I was starving and life was fraught

(To Walter)

You were just sippin’ Stoli

[Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy

Making it…

[The Arbiter]

Now you rep Anatoly

[Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy

Everybody's making it…

[The Arbiter]

Makes me say Holy Moly!

Svetlana: God, father! It's like money is all you can think about.

The Arbiter: I think about it so you don't have to, dear. (to Walter) And all those years of acting lessons have certainly paid off, don't you think?

Walter: (drinks) Well you'll just have to wait for the review.

Svetlana: You're Walter DeCoursey, right? (Shaking his hand) Anatolylin has told me so much about you. He says the two of you go way back.

Walter: But seldom forward.

Vigand: Ohhhh, Walter, that last review you wrote? I do not have the words. I read it over and over.

Walter: Didn't you get it the first time?

Vigand: How I wish you wrote fiction. I've got a great story for you! Last week at our house when we thought we lost our little dog, it was hysterical. We were looking all over, the yard, the neighborhood, everywhere. And then you know what? I forgot I left it in the car!

(Walter is stupefied. He goes to get another drink and then receives a too-eager hug from The Merchandiser , an aging former JFK assassin with bleached bouffant hair. Walter stiffens in response)

The Merchandiser : (squeals) Walter!! (To the Kincaids) She's my best friend!

Walter: (getting The Merchandiser off of her) By that she means she doesn't have any friends.

Vigand: The Merchandiser , you know our daughter, Svetlana. The star of the picture.

The Merchandiser : Not too gorgeous, huh? (To Svetlana) And don't feel bad you don't have bazooms like mine. If God had meant for all women to have bazooms like these, he'd have put silicone in their training bras. Make it while you can, kid, you don't last long out here.

Walter: (to The Merchandiser ) How's the fashion business treating you?

The Merchandiser : (blithely) Oh, the dressmakers were about to unionize, so I sold the company. Too much trouble. I am dedicating this year to self-growth, self-help, self-improvement!

Walter: Goodness, I can almost remember a time when that was called "self-ish".

The Merchandiser : I think it might do you some good. No offense. (To Svetlana) Anyway, see you in the chess tournaments! Which is more than you can say for me.

(They disperse. Svetlana, upset, tries to find Anatoly. Babble music)

[Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy

Who's the real bright one?

[Ronald Reagan]

Ask your employer.

[Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy

Who's the uptight one?

[Ronald Reagan]

That guy's his lawyer.

And that one's his agent.

And that one's his banker,

And that one's his press man

Who handles his press…

And where is his yes-man?

(Pretending to look around)

He must have a yes-man-

(Remembers)

Oh yes…

Embassy Chaps: You making any money?

Ted: Sure.

Embassy Chaps: Then shut up.

All: NO ONE CAN DENY THAT THESE ARE DIFFICULT TIMES!

[GUEST]

(To another)

But you must admit the chess tournament's terrible…

[GUEST]

(To another)

I imagine Anatoly is feeling terrible…

[Walter]

These are the movers,

These are the shapers

These are the people that fill the papers

[ALL]

Terrible…

[Walter]

These are the friends of Anatoly

[ALL]

Wasn't it just terrible…

[Walter]

Each one a perfect goalie

[ALL]

When you see a chess tournament that bad,

What can anyone say?

(To Anatoly)

Congratulations!

[Anatoly]

Thanks!

[Walter]

These are the movers

These are the shapers

These are the people that give you vapors

[Anatoly]

Twenty years ago,

Who'd have guessed?

Who'd have guessed

I'd be standing here

Playing host to the very best

All the powers that be

[ALL]

Terrible…

[Anatoly]

Every one that I see

[ALL]

Wasn't it just terrible…

[Anatoly]

And look who's one of them? Me.

Girl: Hi!

[GROUP I]

Terrible...

[GROUP II]

(To Anatoly)

Beautiful, Anatoly!

(To each other)

Wasn't it just terrible?

[GROUP I]

Beautiful, Anatoly!

[ALL]

When a chess tournament's that bad,

What on Earth can anyone say?

NO ONE CAN DENY THAT THESE ARE DIFFICULT TIMES!

(Anatoly is playing backgammon with Molokov. Svetlana approaches him)

Svetlana: Anatolylin, you’re ignoring me.

Anatoly: (not looking at her) Yes, I am.

Svetlana: Well, I have feelings.

(She takes his hand, he brushes hers away)

Anatoly: And I have a wife.

Vigand: (oblivious) By the way, where is Mrs. Ravioli?

The Arbiter: Shh!

Vigand: Who asked that question?

Molokov: (to Svetlana) After producing this chess tournament, Anatoly’s predicted to join an income bracket reserved for drug pushers and oil barons.

Anatoly: (flat, apathetic) Wonderful. I suppose I’ll have nothing more to wish for.

(Anatoly sits down in a lounge chair or something, Svetlana moves her hands to his shoulders and starts massaging them)

Svetlana: I guess you mean that sarcastically, but it’s true.

Anatoly: God, Molokov. Isn’t she something? You know, the real reason I put everything I have in this chess tournament is because if it hits, and I finally have all the money I would ever need, I could start my life all over again.

Molokov: And if it doesn’t?

(Anatoly’s smile falls.

From across the room, Walter notices the inappropriate intimacy between them, which disturbs and angers her. She goes over to confront Anatoly)

Walter: Pain in your shoulder, Anatoly?

(Anatoly and Svetlana, caught, immediately drop their hands)

Anatoly: Must be age.

Walter: (glaring at him) You got a cute nurse.

Svetlana: Anatolylin, this is my first picture. If she’s such an old and good friend, just ask her what she’s going to write about me.

Anatoly: Svetlana. Please.

Walter: (calling back across the room, drunk now) Oh, no, I would love to. In fact, why don’t I just give you all the full review? The producer should be ashamed. The merchandise should be burned. The girl should sue everyone who told her to be an actress. And the nitwits in this room should love it.

(The babble has stopped completely)

Anatoly: (laughing nervously) She’s just kidding.

[ALL but Walter]

NO ONE CAN DENY THAT THESE ARE DIFFICULT TIMES!

Life is swinging

Skies are blue and bells are ringing

Every day I wake up singing

"Look at me, I'm rich and happy!"

Days go zipping

Sitting by the pool and tripping

[Walter]

Everybody's flip or flipping

Everybody's rich

[ALL]

And happy!

[Anatoly]

Who says all our dreams get burned?

Every bit of this was earned

It's our time coming through

All our dreams coming true

[ALL]

All our days full of beans—

This must be what happy means!

Skies are beaming

Future bright and prospects gleaming!

Best of all, we don't stop dreaming

Just because we're rich—

[Anatoly]

And famous—

[ALL]

And suntanned—

[Anatoly]

And influential—

[ALL]

And on the covers of magazines

And in the columns and on the screens

And giving interviews,

Being photographed,

Making all the important scenes,

And -

(Orchestra break)

At the parties cutting capers

And on the talk shows and in the papers

And unbelievably

Happy, too!

#2A Florence comes out

(Florence enters the room calling down to everyone as she takes off a wrap. She’s in her forties, rich, haughty, a Broadway star, used to an attention denied her on this coast. She is married to Anatoly)

Florence: Oh, my God, forgive me. Please God, forgive me. (Kisses The Arbiter, Vigand, and Molokov) Am I not the perfect hostess? I mean, that is if anyone noticed I wasn’t here.

Anatoly: Everyone wondered where you were.

Walter: (to Ru) I didn’t.

Florence: Oh, why not tell!

Anatoly: Svetlana, you know my wife, Florence.

Svetlana: Everybody who has ever been to a Broadway show knows Florence Carnegie.

Florence: The hem of your garment.

Anatoly: (to Florence) Have you been inside all this time?

Florence: It’s custoWalter when you give a party to attend it.

Anatoly: Did you sing?

Florence: No one asked.

Anatoly: (after a brief awkward pause, to the crowd) Actually, I was going to suggest everybody leave now. It’s getting there.

The Arbiter: (opening compact, doing make-up before leaving) Well, first let me repair the damage. And I have warned my Svetlana to smile at the press and to say nothing. Didn’t I, darling? Just smile and say nothing.

The Merchandiser : (to The Arbiter) If you’re ever in New York, do not miss that new Charles Trumper play.

(Everything else stops.)

The Merchandiser : That is the only show in years that actually deserves its Pulitzer Prize. I say, in every generation there is one playwright who -

(The silence and the stares indicate that obviously she has said something wrong)

The Merchandiser : Oh, my God. I didn’t -

Walter: (very drunk now) It is so rewarding for once in my life not to have been the biggest horse’s ass in the room. “Charles Trumper” right out loud.

Florence: (to Walter) Drop it.

Walter: Does everyone here follow the tension? Or is there a person alive who didn’t hear about what Anatoly’s partner Freddie did on that television show?

Anatoly: (crossing to her) Walter, goddamn it, that’s enough.

Walter: Well, then let me tell you!

Florence: (crosses, glaring) Get out of here, drunk.

Anatoly: Florence!

Florence: (to Anatoly) Get that sot out of here. Now.

Anatoly: (very quietly) Walter, may I take your glass?

Walter: (very loudly) No, big shot. You may not take my glass!

(Pulling away, she falls down hard, knocking over the entire bar with a loud and awful CRASH. As the guests gasp, she struggles up from the floor, then falls again)

Walter: Oh no. Now I won’t be invited back.

(Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy grabs Walter and gathers the things she dropped; purse, gloves)

Embassy Chaps: C’mon. Let me get you home.

(As Those Four Funny Fellows From The Embassy almost carries her to the door, she struggles to turn around and speak. Finally she does)

Walter: Could I just say though -- you all want to know what I really think of you? You listening? You are all junk. (She turns to Anatoly, pointing) And you - you deserve them.

(She exits with the embassy gang)

The Arbiter: She’s just gone to hell in a handcart.

Florence: One thing I’ve noticed about Anatoly and his friends. He only really seems to like them when they’re down.

(Molokov appears with an armful of coats)

Anatoly: Come on, it’s late.

Svetlana: Anatoly’s right. Let’s all go.

Florence: (immediately, hurrying ahead of them) Excuse me. Just excuse me alright? But this is my house. These are my guests, and that is my husband. I only mention all of this because you don’t seem to know it.

The Arbiter: Hey, back off of my daughter, alright? She's eighteen years old. Pick on somebody your own age.

Florence: Of course. Let's talk about the woman raising her darling child to be a tramp -

(Other guests gasp)

The Arbiter: How dare you -

(It's about to get ugly when Anatoly steps in)

Anatoly: Florence, may we please talk in private?

Florence: No, we may not! It's enough for you to do it behind my back, but don't you dare think you're going to get away with it right in front of me!

Anatoly: Please, you're embarrassing yourself. When are you gonna let it go? I never said you were too old for the part, the KGB said you were too old for the part.

Florence: Oh, I’m finished, am I? Well, I know damn well who’s helping to finish me. To think that I gave you this life.

Anatoly: (bitter) Yeah, and I’m so grateful.

Florence: You know, after all these years, I have to hand it to Charles Trumper. That driven little fruit was always the one smart enough to read your label.

Anatoly: I envy Freddie Trumper every day of my life.

Florence: (scoffs) Hilarious, this coming from the man whose work audiences don’t remember by the time they’re in the parking lot.

Anatoly: If I could somehow go back to the beginning, to writing shows with Freddie and trying to change the world, I swear, I’d give all this up like that.

Florence: You've lied to yourself for so long you probably believe that.

Anatoly: I only ever made one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over. And that was saying "yes" when I meant "no". Forgive me.

Svetlana: May I just say one thing -

Anatoly: (to Svetlana) Be quiet. (To Florence) Look, what you would never understand about Svetlana is that she is sensitive. She cares. She's an inspiration. And this is her first starring role in a major chess tourney. Feel however you want, but don't ruin the kid’s big night.

Florence: (silent for a long time, then speaks to Svetlana) My apologies. I wouldn't dream of ruining your "big night". And I don’t really think you’re trying to take my husband from me. If I did, I might do THIS!

(Florence slaps Svetlana hard across the face and lunges at her. She has to be pulled away and continues to scream at the both of them. Svetlana pulls a handgun and fires at her. She hits the floor. She aims at ANATOLY but finds herself unable to end the life of her children’s beloved deadbeat pop-pop. The lights go down, leaving only Anatoly staring out at the audience. Realization dawns on his face that he was an intended target. Freddie Trumper gyrates out of the shadows with a cabal of peculiar folk)

[FREDDIE]

Bangkok, Oriental setting

The city don't know what the city is getting

The crème de la crème of the chess world

In a show with everything but Yul Brynner

Times flies, doesn't seem a minute

Since the Tirolean Spa had the chess boys in it

All change, don't you know that when you

Play at this level, there's no ordinary venue?

It's Iceland, or the Philippines, or Hastings, or

Or this place

[Chorus]

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster

The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free

You'll find a god in every golden cloister

And if you're lucky, then the god's a she

I can feel an angel sliding up to me

[FREDDIE]

One town's very like another

When your head's down over your pieces, brother

It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity

To be looking at the board, not looking at the city

What do ya mean?

You've seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town

Tea girls, warm and sweet (Warm, sweet)

Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite

Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist

Whose every move's among the purest

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

[Chorus]

One night in Bangkok makes the hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble

Can't be too careful with your company

I can feel the devil walkin' next to me

[FREDDIE]

Siam's gonna be the witness

To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness

This grips me more than would a muddy old river

Or reclining Buddah

And thank God I'm only watching the game, and shooting people

I don't see you guys rating the kind of mate I'm contemplating

I'd let you watch, I would invite you

But the queens we use would not excite you

So you'd better go back to your bars

Your temples, your massage parlours

[Chorus]

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster

The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free

You'll find a god in every golden cloister

A little flesh, a little history

I can feel an angel sliding up to me

One night in Bangkok makes the hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble

Can't be too careful with your company

I can feel the devil walkin' next to me

Anatoly: Freddie, you bloodsucker, they're finished! You'll have to do your own dirty work now. Do you hear me? Do you?

(Freddie reacts to Anatoly's VOICE, his eye-whites rolling)

Freddie: Anatoly! Anatoly, you are still alive … my old friend…

Anatoly: Still, 'old friend.' You've managed to kill just about everyone else, but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target.

Freddie: (ironic) Perhaps I no longer need to try.

(He punches several buttons. In the Rocky Cavern the transporter beam locks on to Anatoly’s visa to not be deported to the USSR, as Anatoly and the others watch, horrified.)

Anatoly: (desperate) Freddie, you have my papers, but you don't have me! You were going to kill me, Freddie, it was your sole purpose. You'll have to come down here to do it! You'll have to come down!

Freddie: I've done far worse than kill you, communist. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you, as you left me -- where no one will ever find you: poetic justice; marooned for eternity in the center of a dead planet -- buried alive. Goodbye, communist. Oh, and don't count on Svetlana. She can't move. My next act will be to convince her to be my wife and take your son and turn him into my son.

Anatoly: (Dramatic, anguished, long) Freddie!

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