#yutazen
Note
hii can you please add me in your fem driver taglist? thanks!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OF CAUWRSEEEEEEEE<3333 URE WEEEEELCOME
#the high will never leave btw#every time someone asks to be added to rvstw taglist#my life expands a year#val & a10vely-yutazen#tine’s roo vs the world
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passing the phone (rookie edition) * fem!driver
(series masterlist) | (📂 a day in the life)
“i’m passing the phone to somebody who texts like he’s writing a professional email.”
oscar scoffs, staring off camera as he takes the phone into his hands. “excuse me for writing the way i was taught.” he lifts up the phone. “i’m passing the phone to somebody who didn’t know what a kilometer was until he was 15.”
“because i grew up miami, the fuck,” logan mutters. he sighs. “i’m passing the phone to somebody who has a million problems with drs, which, seems to only be his issue.”
“whatever.” oscar scrunches his nose. “i’m passing the phone to somebody who tripped when she was stepping up to the podium and then cried about it for a half hour on the way home.”
“wow,” she mutters, eyebrows furrowed as her cheeks slowly turn red. “passing the phone to somebody who barely remembers our trip to barcelona because he partied too hard.”
“passing the phone to somebody who’s a 21-year-old virgin but gives advice like she’s a licensed therapist,” oscar says quickly, putting the phone down to smirk at her smugly.
“passing the phone to somebody who got suspended from school for a week because he told the teacher that he didn’t care about school and had to miss a karting race that weekend as punishment.”
“i’m passing the phone to somebody who had a crush on our literal best friend,” oscar says, leaning into the mic and whispering as he looks around cautiously.
logan stares into the camera wide-eyed, slowly turning to oscar who’s giggling in the corner. “what the f-“
he reappears at the camera, calmer this time. “passing the phone to somebody who talked to the quiet girl making top 30’s during karting because he thought she was kinda cute.”
oscar sighs. “i’m passing the phone to somebody who cried outside the club in singapore because the food we ordered for dinner was too spicy for her to handle eating.”
she rolls her eyes. “i’m passing the phone to somebody who got catfished in secondary school by a guy pretending to be a girl.”
logan smiles, cheeks red as he held the phone up. “i’m passing the phone to somebody who got broken up with over a 13-second phone call.”
“low blow,” she frowns. “passing the phone to somebody who pulled up to the club with fake eyelashes because he lost a bet to me.”
“passing the phone to the girl that picked up and adopted three kittens she found in a box at the corner of the street in austin at 5am after a night out,” logan scowls.
“i’m passing the phone to somebody who made being american his entire personality.”
“and i’m passing the phone to somebody who almost made us miss our flight because he left his passport on the toilet sink at the airport,” logan scowls.
oscar’s lips are pressed together in a thin line. “i don’t wanna play this game anymore.”
taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @inejismywife @vellicora @leilanixx @meadhgbcavanagh @2bormaybenot @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @cashtons-wife @love4lando @sadg3 @bborra @a10vely-yutazen @mellowarcadefun @glitterf1
#vettel reincarnate#disneyprincemuke#disneyprincemuke f1#disneyprincemuke vr#female driver#f1 female driver#fem!driver#f1 fem!driver
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Im so sorry if this is uploaded late or if it isn’t good enough I’ve been having the most gut wrenching headaches because of my anemia and i also have exams so i can’t be on my phone very often.
Tags: @mikeikax @bucky-barnes-supremacy @ken-zah @datweirdperson765 @pulling-out-my-eyes @yunonaneko @queenofsimpsblog @a10vely-yutazen @clayyfan @cantdothis-nomore @lieutenantlashfaz
Lieutenant why is ur user so long 😭
 I wish you knew.
Part 2.
His hair was so soft to the touch, it felt like you were running your hand through a billow of clouds that wrapped themselves around your arm as an ethereal feeling was sent throughout your body.
If there was a chance you could steal his hair and use it as your mattress and pillows you would've done it in the blink of an eye...
"Can you turn around so I can how it looks on you?" you asked and he nodded, turning around while avoiding eye contact with you, because...well, in a situation like this you would usually do something devious.
But, this time around you didn't and he looked so adorable. His hair was tied back down into to a loose low ponytail with there still being some hair at the front to not leave his forehead bare as it was his signature style while you added a little heart clip to keep the short front hair from falling out.
The only reason he was doing this was to leave an impression on gayatri, who he recently asked on a date.
They weren't they dating but they became friends a month or two ago and pavitr wanted step it up a bit.
Though, he never said it was a date but instead "a hangout"
Sometimes, you really wanted to stab yourself in the mouth and rip your tongue out.
You were the one who suggested they became friends and you were the one who told him to ask her out at least once in awhile to make her "grow or feel a connection"
Why? you weren't even sure yourself.
You knew she began growing feelings for him as well but instead of keeping them apart, you willingly made them get closer to one another.
who were you to deny his love life? He's been your best friend since the primary school days! you couldn't just snatch his chances of ever finding love out of pure spite.
But once again, ever since the whole 'hangout with gayatri' thing has been going on you've never really hangout or talk to each other as much as you used to.
The only time you would have a conversation would be on WhatsApp where you would text like two random people who just got each other's number.
You weren't sure if it was on purpose or not but you were still glad to be able to see him again, "actually, can you come with me this time?"
What?
"You mean third wheel? Yea, no thanks." as mean as it sounded, who in the right mind would want hear their longtime crush trying to get it on with their friend? Or anyone in that matter.
"I'm not talking about sitting with us! Just like, watch and be there with me for emotional support."
"Why now? you've went on date with her multiple times already haven't you? you didn't even ask me to go with you during your first time!" he sighed before placing his arms on your shoulders. Looking you right in the eye like he used to, but this time he wasn't looking for your reaction instead he wanted you to see his, to take what he had to say seriously.
Taking in a deep breath, he spoke,"I'm planning on confessing today."
....
Oh.
That sentence alone made your heart beat faster from anger as the walls of realization came crashing down on you.
you knew you should've said something.
you knew you should've made a move.
But you didn't, So you couldn't blame him right? It was his heart and he knew who he wanted it belong to.
You couldn't control his fate nor could you control yours, as in the story written by the one you were just meant to be someone who admired him as he admired someone else.
It took everything in you to not break down at that moment as you avoided making eye contact with him, "yea, I'll be there."
He smiled softly before placing a kiss on your forehead, a gesture he has done multiple times that always made you flustered but now you just felt dull.
"We'll be at the regular cafe, okay?" you nodded, waiting for him to leave you alone in his home once again but for a complete different reason.
He gave you one last look before finally living.
Fuck life.
⏤͟͟͞͞☆
They talked and laughed, clearly enjoying their time together. But, for some reason his mind was still on you. He knew you were there watching, following his instructions from before but he wanted you near to him, he wanted to see you, to hear you, feel you, everything.
Was his feelings towards you really platonic? I mean, it's not weird to think of your friend as attractive and loveable right?
Should he leave? I mean whats the point on confessing if his mind was on someone else as well?
But he didn't just wanna leave early because of that..
"HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE!" A citizen yelled as a crowd of gut wrenching screams that slowly started to get louder was followed.
Everyone that was in the cafe began to scatter towards the door making it a struggle for anyone to get through.
Seems like fate decided to choose for him.
Remember how i said everyone went towards the front door? Well, it was everyone except gayatri.
She quickly got up and grabbed pavitr's hand, attempting to lead him towards the back door along with her, but he didn't budge.
"I'm going for y/n. You just get somewhere safe okay?" she looked at him with pure fear and concern in her eyes,"What? She was here?"
Oh right, she didn't know.
"She's smart, she would've left by now and so should we!" she said, trying to pull him again but failed miserably, "You really need to go, gayatri. I'll be fine." he said with his honey tone voice that completely swooed her.
She was hesitant but nodded and left anyway .
✰
He couldn't see you, he couldn't hear you or sense you anywhere no matter how hard he tried. Everything was fine, everything was resolved and everyone was saved.
Everyone except you.
It wasn't that dangerous of a villan and he was captured, so where were you?
He checked inside your apartment, you weren't there.
Maybe your parents house? No
Your friends houses? Still no.
You weren't answering your phone either, did something happen to you? Did one of the villains minion get to you? But why you? He never slipped up and went to your house in his uniform before. Did they somehow find out his identity? But that's not possible... Maybe It was his hair?...
Sighing on the rooftop of a random, he went towards your apartment one more time thinking that maybe there was a tiny chance you were there and boy was he glad he did.
You were there, not in your room but on the rooftop and just seeing you, alive and okay, lifted a huge weight off his shoulder.
he wasted absolutely no time to start swinging towards you as fast as he could, as if if he didn't capture in less than a minute you would disappear like sand in the wind, jumping and leeching onto you like a cat after his last swing.
"Wha–? Spiderman?"
your voice. He loved your voice so much but it sounded weak and fragile, were you crying?
"Spider man?" you asked again. He wanted to kiss you so bad, to make whatever it was that made you cry go away. Completely oblivious to the fact he was the reason.
Maybe his feelings towards you weren't platonic.
"I love him but I don't wanna."
╞══════════╡
Part 3
He forget he spiderman while spidermaning
#scenarios#reader insert#pavitr x you#pavitr prabhakar x reader#pavitr x reader#spider man: across the spider verse#light fluff#very fluffy#light angst
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jean kisses you like you're his last lifeline; like you're his only lifeline. his hands roam around your back, almost hugging you, and they finally settled on your waist after starting out by cupping both your cheeks. one of his hands travels up to your cheek again, resting on the junction of your neck and jaw and drawing small circles there. if he's extra needy, he'll pull you closer to him by the small of your back, until your front is completely molded into his. if he hasn't seen you in a while (read : only a week), he'll wait for you to jog upto him with open arms and engulf you completely, kissing the crook of your neck, your cheek, the crown of your head, and finally your lips. after its done, he pulls away and places a much smaller kiss on your bottom lip, then the tip of your nose; as if the one he gave you before that wasn't enough, and for him, it really wasn't. with your arms wrapped around his neck, he kisses the part of your forearm that's closest to him. he rests his forehead on yours as you catch your breath, and this time, you initiate the second kiss, and he gladly reciprocates. it's like a cycle you'd never want to come out of, and truly, neither of you do, staying in each other's arms embracing each other's the warmth in the cooler seasons.
jean kisses you like that's the only thing he's meant to do. and he's okay with that.
•❥•✿•❥•✿•❥•✿•❥•✿•❥•✿
tagging : @a10vely-yutazen
#jean kirstein x reader#jean kirschstein x reader#jean kirstein#jean kirstein x you#jean kirschstein#attack on titan#aot imagine#snk#shingeki no kyojin
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pt.1
what food i would give based on your nct bias… (oldest to youngest)
LIL TAE -> moonis
the angels who bias taeil are all allowed to whatever food they want and i will get it for them. but i feel like y’all would like seafood and this looked yummy. 10/10 i admire y’all
JOHNATHAN SUH -> johfam
since y’all insist you are married to this man and have the kids waiting at home you get a family dinner of spaghetti. extra messy. y’all are delulu and i understand. save me a pot at the dinner table pls. 8/10 never change.
BUBU -> tyongf
sugar buffet for you bcuz you’re perfect. on my radar you guys are just sweet and even sweeter to ur man. on occasion when he is looking good you guys never miss to tell him how hot he looks. ALSO CRIES IN ANIMAL CROSSING FANS 9.9/10 wholesome babes
UTAH -> yutazens
fits you guys perfectly. 5/10 either horny or emo. or worse both
#moon taeil#johnny suh#lee taeyong#nakamoto yuta#johfam#tyongf#nct yuta#nct taeil#nctzen#czennie#delulu#kpop thoughts#nct#nct 127#nct hyung lines
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FUCK YUTAZENS SOMEOKE SAID YUTA WAS IN AIB S2 CAST BUT THEN I REALISED ITS A YUTA STAN THAT SAYS IT
ISTG IM TJE ONLY YUTAZEN THAT DOESNT LIE
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first impression: woah she loves yuta and also gives such good book recommendations (still life with oysters and lemon was the first book you recced to me and it did a whole 180 on my perspective towards reading)
impression now: so so cool!!! so well read, such an eye for detail (without fauxness [not a word] to it, you know what you're talking about, i love hanging out with you (on peach) - watching films with you n also reading all your book reviews 😋🤍
please not u meeting me in my yutazen phase that's so .. also love that u loved the book and u love hanging out w you tooo 🥹🤒
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See I knew making my rankings was going to upset someone!!
Seunghwan was incredible, I really liked him and that performance was very good to him haha
So man in love… I don’t want to sound like it was bad, it was good very good!! But too be honest I was watching Lee Dongyeol like the whole performance hahaha but (this is going to sound like I’m bragging so much) because I was in the front row and the stage was a bit up I couldn’t see Taeraes eyes so they could have been sparking but I didn’t see unfortunately
I do believe they are singing live so that if there are any mistakes that gets picked up. Also because for one performance the talks before some of their mic’s weren’t working and then we had to delay the performance to make sure that they were in fact on
NCT: who’s your bias? When did you see them? How was it? Were they incredible? Was there anyone that surprised you either in appearance or singing/dancing?
-🤩
seunghwan has been busy collaborating with every single boys planet trainee and making things happen for his fans :') love and appreciate him v much
but totally understand for taerae's man in love performanc. tbh dongyeol has been wilding on IG recently :D new obsession for myself mayhaps
glad to hear that they're singing live! a lot of them generally sounded so stable
okay NCT 127, biases are haechan, jaehyun, johnny HOWEVER, it was only after i saw 127 live that i started biasing yuta.
Yuta and Jungwoo really surprised me, their pull is no joke. Jungwoo is so handsome, i can't explain. This will sound wild but i found myself looking at jungwoo over jaehyun, he shines so much irl the camera doesn't do him justice. His aura is so alluring because he's so bright.
Yuta on the other hand, has a very dark and magnetic pull. When he performed butterfly, i couldn't even film because i was hypnotized. He pays attention to the yutazens the most (rightfully so), in the pit where i was in – he gave every yutazen a signed ball (the fans with yuta signs, yuta banners, etc.) like he really points at them and throws it to them.
doyoung and taeil sound THE BEST live. it's like the cd, they ate that shit up good.
in NCT dream, jisung is an insane performer and jaemin looks so much more handsome irl. jaemin has kind eyes that sparkle bhjfsdbghjdfbg (this sounds delusional).
i met wayv and i have more thoughts about the fanmeet if you'd like to hear :D
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hiiiii
i randomly came across your smau love is an all out war and i liked it, so can you please add me in your taglist? :3
hello! thank you sm <3 you're added
btw i love ur usernameeee!!!! proud yutazen since 2015
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Now I wanna know how you'd rank nct solo stans from best to worst. Please? I'll give you a cookie if you do (this is corruption yes but we won't talk about it)
fshsjdk gladly! im not including some ppl bcs i genuinely dont know them 🥴 anw! from best to worse:
shotaro
taeil
doyoung
renjun
johfam
chenle
tyongfs
yutazens
10vely
snoopyzens
jeno
asteroids
nana…something
markfs = sunflowers
valentines
5dreamzens (yes they get a nom on their own)
winwin
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btw what do ur url and description mean what's a hoezen
i'm just seeing this now and wtf???
n e ways so i made this acc when i was a hardcore nctzen (fan of a kpop group called nct) and my biases were ten and yuta. ten biased people were called 10velies and at that time yuta stans were called yutazen so that's how my url was born
as for hoezen, nct releases a lot of hoe anthems so hoe + nctzens = hoezens
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tired of being tired but at least i have my fav boy !!
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the best of (instagram) * fem!driver
vegas edition
(series masterlist) | (📂 smau specials)
rockysroads
liked by taylorswift, mickschumacher and 209,881 others
rockysroads ugh worth it for the free pizza
view all 54 comments…
comments on the post have been limited.
maxverstappen1 there’s a lot to unpack but i suggest we just throw the whole suitcase away
alex_albon what the fuck???
georgerussell63 huh?????????
charles_leclerc what is this behaviour y/n
alexandrasaintmleux 😀😀😀
carlossainz55 ???
liamlawson30 i’m afraid to ask so let me just congratulate you out of courtesy real quick
f1 oh congrats???
andrettiracing wait i thought i was in charge of marketing
rockysroads hahahahahaha u thought 💗
williamsracing to one of our drivers mayhaps?? 🙇🏽♀️🙇🏽♀️
logansargeant no.
sebastianvettel lol
lilyzneimer real
oscarpiastri LMFAO
mickschumacher how was the free pizza??
rockysroads delicious… i love free food
mickschumacher
liked by sebastianvettel, susie_wolff and 103,482 others
mickschumacher something something about free pizza???
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carmenmmundt hahaha what?
georgerussell63 there are dots to connect, but where are the other dots
alex_albon PICK UP THE PHONE MATE
mercedesamgf1 wait a damn minute
f1 wait a second
andrettiracing hahaha are u thinking what i’m thinking
sebastianvettel lol
lilyzneimer lol
oscarpiastri LMFAOOOOOOOO
rockysroads how was the free pizza??
mickschumacher delicious… i love free food
taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @leilanixx @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @cashtons-wife @sadg3 @a10vely-yutazen @mellowarcadefun @glitterf1 @megatrilss1885 @peqch-pie @gentlyweeps-world @woozarts @darleneslane @inejismywife @meadhgbcavanagh @2bormaybenot @love4lando
#fem!driver#female driver#f1 fem!driver#f1 female driver#vettel reincarnate#disneyprincemuke#disneyprincemuke imagine#disneyprincemuke imagines#disneyprincemuke f1#disneyprincemuke vr#formula 1 x reader#f1 x reader#f1 grid x reader
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Important message to all Yutazen out there or should I say "ai"
Below is a small important message I want to convey
Yes I am aware that Yuta called his fans "ai" and then boom the realization hits me a bit late 👁👄👁
‼‼‼‼
#yuta#nct yuta#nct 127#nakamoto yuta#yuta nakamoto#yuta threads#yuta nct 127#yutazen#nctzen#中本悠太#유타#엔시티 유타#incorrect nct#nct incorrect texts#incorrect kpop#incorrectfandom
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laal ishq.
[English - red love. ]
a blooming hearts extra!
jean kirstein x gender neutral!reader
inspired by this song and the new episode. scroll to the end for the symbolisms ;)
warnings : heavy angst, grief, violence and gunshots/wounds. (should be expected at this point) new episode/manga spoilers!!!! i haven't watched the new ep yet (I'm not ready) so it's more based on the manga chapter 132 so read at your own risk!
a/n: i love this song so much it's a Hindi/Bollywood song (back when Bollywood made actually good songs) and i listened to this so much and there's so much symbolism in it that i had to write something angsty :) anyway! i also have exams coming up in like a week so this might be the last fic i post for a while. enjoy!
taglist : @mrsnobodynobody , @a10vely-yutazen .
✿ main masterlist is in pinned navigation! ✿ enter my taglist ✿ fic playlist ✿ fic pinterest board ✿ comments/reblogs/likes are deeply appreciated!! ✿
--
you heard the gunshot far before you felt it; the final bell. you wondered if all the authors of the books you'd read as a cadet - the ones where the main character gets tragically shot or stabbed only to be healed again inexplicably - had ever been here before. had ever felt death like this, face to face.
death, shockingly, didn't grin menacingly at you like you thought it would. it didn't look over you (not any less than it already had been since the moment you'd joined the scouts), making you feel small and guilty and regretful.
this death; the one you faced with your eyes blown wide and a diminishing heartbeat, felt more like an embrace. in a flash, you caught dark brown eyes and a freckled face looking at you with the same look you've seen a hundred times before. in a flash, a picture of a brown haired girl with her mouth opened wide as if she were about to say something came before you.
it went away before you could grasp it.
but the pain, the blinding hot sensation aimed right at your heart, felt like it would last for eternity. the shape the bullet had cut out might have been a small fracture but it felt like the widest puncture, straight through the organs you had memorized the names of during your cadet days. the inside of your body lined itself up with flames even if you weren't on fire.
is this how sasha felt? her forever smiling face and warm touches did not deserve this pain, you thought. then again, none of your friends did.
in a foolish way, you were glad it was you and none of the others that were left. they were far too important for that. they would have much more of an impact than you would.
the blood dyed your shirt and in a moment of desperation, your hands clambered up to your chest to stop the wound from bleeding out. it was stupid to think that your feeble hands could help this, but you had to try.
(for him.)
you shuddered out a breath, your vision was getting cloudy. you didn't know how you were still standing up-right. you couldn't feel your legs or the way your knees stumbled or the way your hands shook fervently. spots appeared in the corner of your eyes as you looked around, trying to say something.
what would you say? what could you say?
when you've been running away from death for so long, who were you to stop fate with simple words or even desperate pleadings?
your ears were ringing but you could still hear the shouts; your friends scattered across the port as the workers busied themselves trying to weld the fuel tank shut. floch was in a worse condition than you and you wondered if he was still speaking, even after all of this. you wondered if anyone was looking, if anyone noticed your state. even if they did, the sounds of the terrifying footsteps and the tremble of the ground kept them busy.
you whispered out "jean" the best you could without your soul giving out completely, your staggering voice getting lost with the shaking of the earth. barely feeling your knees buckle, you decided this was it.
you would give victory to the death that had chased you for a long time. the death that you pushed aside that day the walls fell, the death that you swung past the day you saved jean and armin from their own fate. countless times, you had fought the cold touch without even realising it's icy breath.
maybe the worst part was that you were still hoping. you had already strapped in your ODM gear like you had done so many times before, hoping this one would be the last time you'd have to resort to violence. you could almost laugh at that thought if it hadn't hurt so much to breathe. you were so fully prepared to fight, to resolve, to hope for better days ahead after all of this. maybe that was your flaw - no matter how much jean convinced you otherwise. it always had been, your head had always been elsewhere, dreaming of a better place while your body carried out its own fight.
you let out a sigh. there was no light that sasha told you about - one of the many tales her grandmother had narrated to her. there was nothing to follow, nowhere to go. you eyes fluttered shut when even the dimness became to bright for you to handle.
flochs incoherent babbling was almost inaudible and jean had to resort to reading his lips rather than try to hear anything. he felt like he was running out of time. hange said something about not being able to give up, and in all honesty, jean wanted to clog up his ears again and close his eyes to hope the same way you did. hope that eren would atleast listen and stop this, hope that after this you'd spend your days together, hope that one day, his friends would share a meal without thinking about war.
his hand wandered to it's left without even thinking, hoping to find yours to link itself with.
jeans brows furrowed when he felt nothing but cold air greet him.
you were right there, weren't you? on his left like you always had been?
he knew you couldn't be lost. you'd be too adamant to help out all the workers instead of view the rumbling from afar, away from all the shouting. you were never one for being lost in violent thoughts, always pushing yourself headfirst with any and all work you could get your hands on as a way of distracting yourself.
jean looked around infront of him, scanning the place. hange followed his confusion.
"where's poppy?" he asked, only to be met with a half-hearted shrugged from the leader.
"sir!" he heard someone shout, a terrified shriek following the sound.
jean stood before he could even think, head whipping around to find the sight.
a pool of blood surrounding a previously white shirt, and gear that could only belong to one of the nine wearing them. the hand his fingers were desperately searching for was now drenched in red.
jeans head whirred with questions. his heart felt like it was burning, a sensation that was new to him. his leg moved him before he could make sense of anything happening.
your struggled breaths met his ears with an ache, and something in his chest shook with so much force, he felt like he would collapse if it weren't for the heavy machinery clinging to his body.
it was only when the soles of his feet touched the blood that jean felt like he couldn't breathe.
a string of curses left his mouth before he could even stop it, and the years spent trying to be a good leader went into the drain as the strong, honest and passionate section commander collapsed next to his lover's body with a clambering breath and shaking hands.
he felt his knees as they hit the ground, the blood - your blood - staining through his pants.
he didn't care about the stains or the status or the stares of everyone around him. you were on the ground in the way that he only had nightmares about; nightmares that you woke him up from, comforting him until his fear subsided.
your eyes are almost closed, he notes, and he wants to slap himself when his brain thinks of how long you laid like this waiting for him.
he didn't waste another second scooping you gently into his arms. you groan weakly as his forearms flex, and he tried not to let the string of curses fall from his mouth. he was pretty sure he was uttering them anyway. he had a bad habit of cursing, a habit you laughed at whenever he did. he cursed incoherently after you first kissed him. he'd remember that laugh forever.
your head nestles in the crook of his arm as he holds on to you and the bitter hope he refuses to let go of. your eyelashes flutter, and he brings his hand up to your wound, cursing his palms as they shake with force.
"no, no, no, no, no, no. please. please." are all the words that can come out of his mouth as he touches his warm forehead against your cooling one.
"it's okay." they croaked out. "we'll meet again."
jean could hear their hope. their usual honeyed tones had lost their light but they still held on to that one last string of bright dreams.
and despite himself, jean smiles. he breathes out shakily onto their paling skin.
jean didn't know if their friends knew about this. jean didn't know if hange was alright, if their promise of protecting them was fulfilled till their last breath. all the loss that occurred in the matter of seconds made jean feel trapped inside a small box, one that only you could pull him out of.
your noses were touching. jean left a kiss to your mouth, fleeting but with all the love he had stored through the years. he adjusted your head so your lips could graze his chest one last time.
a promise, he hoped. his heart would find yours again and love it just the same if not more.
the last time he saw your face was one he refused to remember. he refused to remember your closed eyes and shuddered final breath and pale skin. your body was left on the ground with no real grave to mark it, no-one to remember your body except the years he spent memorizing it.
he was aware of Connie's crumbling presence as both of them boarded the flying boat. the actions jean made in order to get that machine flying were only half registered by his brain. the boat rattled as they sat in silence.
"where... where's (y/n)?" Armin asked. jean flinched for the first time in years.
his face was not tear stricken yet. as much as he wanted to, he could not collapse. no matter how hard his bones begged him to rest, his mind ran rampant and his heart refused to slow down.
the question, however, finally broke him.
his vision blurred as silent tears flowed down his cheeks. his chest felt like it was giving up, collapsing onto itself, and the rattling of the flying boat felt like mere background noise when he clamped his ears with his palms. the underside of his nails was caked in your blood and the thought itself make him shut his eyes tighter than before.
if his friends spoke, he didn't hear it. Mikasa and Connie's presence next to him felt overshadowed by his all consuming guilt.
he wasn't there. he didn't notice your fall before you touched the ground, hell, he wasn't even looking at you when floch shot everything in his blurring vision. jean should've been there, in your place. jean should have been there to spend atleast a few more moments with you.
were you with them now? marco, sasha, and all the other cadets you had befriended while jean stayed stuck in his ways as a teenager? did marco greet you with open arms and sasha greet you with a kiss on the cheek?
he tried to convince himself you were resting now, finally. he tried to tell himself that you were fine, that your friends and fallen comrades would embrace you into the afterlife. but he couldn't.
you were happiest with him, and selfishly, he wanted you here.
that's how it was supposed to be. you promised a large house uphill with two cats and your warm laughter, while he would read the sunday paper and drink his cooled down tea and eat his sugared toast. his mother would visit you on the longer weekends and you promised you'd learn all his favourite dishes - ones he knew you'd like too.
he had a plan. his future was built around you and for you.
what was he supposed to build his future around now? an empty apartment with the lack of a floral perfume in the air with no decor whatsoever? with no-one to make it a home?
Connie's hand rested on his back as jean clutched his head, resting his elbows on his knees.
he knew this was far from over but he craved so badly for it to be done with.
he heard something being spoken to him. Mikasas voice wavered when she spoke, something she had never done before. Armin lost hope before even knowing the answer to his previous question, and Connie's hand had never felt so distant. jean's own guilt outweighed even reiners, and Levi sat in his own silence as he witnessed the fall of two of the people that meant the most to him.
jean felt everything slip away from his grasp. he wished his mother had prepared him for this, but he knew all the training and learning in the world wouldn't stop him from feeling the way he was right now. he knew that even if he did know the outcome of your life, the way it ended right before his eyes, he'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.
he'd love you with all his unshakable might as he's loved you once before and maybe even lifetimes before this. maybe even universes beyond this cruel one.
his eyes opened with a start. his nightmares had been few and far in between, a rare occurence that his body no longer knew how to deal with.
his heart hammered in his chest as he clasped a hand over it, no longer bloodied, no longer as calloused or scarred. the soft weight on his shoulder made him look down in the dim of the night lamp in your shared room.
you laid there, eyes closed prettily, a little drool slipping past your lips. his breathing was still erratic, but you didn't seem to mind it much as you cuddled up to him. your arms wound around his chest, determined to engulf his frame with futile and sleepy efforts.
and despite himself, jean smiled.
you were alive. breathing and warm and clad in his shirt, alive. you didn't need to know about his nightmare, not until a couple days atleast, when it would slip out in conversation. you'd grow incredibly concerned, asking him to wake you up if it ever happened again so you could help him through it. he would shake his head, rolling his eyes and tell you not to baby him to which you'd respond with a slap to his arm.
for now, though, he pushed the thought of his nightmare aside. pressing a kiss to your forehead, he ducked down to kiss the tip of your nose as well.
your lips twitched in your sleep and jean smiled wider.
he finally gave in to the rest his bones so dearly craved.
he woke up the next day fully awake, to the scent of warm tea and sweet toast.
--
extra a/n! : okay so this song literally translates to what hues love is. it calls love anguished and flawed and i thought it would be very fitting for jean and poppy because after poppy's death, that's how jean felt about love. he thought it was futile, that even after all his efforts in the next life, it would result to the same outcome. the colour of love (laal - red) to me meant the colour of poppies and the blood staining them, and also the love that takes place in Jean's heart in the next universe - the one that he has stored only for you. there's a verse in the song where it basically states that the singer is contemplating whether to grab the moon and change the darkness of the night to the brightness of the day and he made his lover his enemy because he couldn't handle the love that he felt for them. (i haven't seen the movie from which the song is from but this is solely my interpretation) so i wanted to end it with a nightmare-ish sequence where jean wakes up and even if he used to hate nights after poppy died because the bed would be too empty, he loved the nights he spends with you now. the love runs too deep for him to ignore and be your enemy instead, so he (unlike the song) chooses to embrace it with you.
and then there's also a repetition where the singer just says "my name is love, your name is love" over and over again and i just think its what jean feels about you that you are love itself etc etc :)
hope you guys enjoyed this!!!!
#jean kirstein x reader#jean kirschstein x reader#jean kirstein#jean kirstein x you#aot#shingeki no kyojin#attack on titan
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yutazens and tyongfs pls wake up i need to see edits of them to 3d by jk
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