older au

I wasn't trying to be negstjve tkeards Nah, i understand she was trying to stop Inigo from being such an ass and just went ahout it all wrong... but all the other supports between her and Inigo paint a bit if a different, and way more frightening, picture when you consider the implications of their S Support. This isn't the first support in the game that Nah exibits problematic behavior either. Jeez, why did ppl have to make with Nah's character so hard to pin down like that...

(referring to this post here)

I won’t pretend I’ve ever super loved Nah or anything, because it’s not like she’s ever been a top favorite of mine (though I’ve never disliked her either). But I do want to take the chance to defend her again for hopefully the last time just because of the tone of this ask (which perhaps comes off as more frustrated than you mean to be, in which case I understand. But still.)

When you say she exhibits problematic behavior, I assume you mean how a lot of her S-Supports have Nah deciding that she and the other party are going to be in a relationship now, much to the surprise of the men, usually. And while this isn’t great behavior, this is a move that I would actually expect from like a 14 year old. Which… isn’t that surprising when you remember that Nah might really be 14? 

We aren’t given the canon ages of the future kids, but they’re all younger than Lucina, who I believe is canonically 18 before the timeskip (and who knows if they were around for that either). So the rest of the future kids are definitely younger than her. Whatever you hc their ages to be, they’re all teenagers still. And given how fast they’ve been forced to grow up from the Bad Timeline, I bet they’re still emotionally stunted in different ways too. Especially romantic ones.

Nah is a character who is trying to be seen as more mature than she really is. Perhaps she succeeds in some ways because of her serious, studious attitude and how she’s always trying to connect to her Manakete heritage. But she’s just as young as the rest of the kids, and it shows. And I do want to emphasize the young part. It’s not like she’s one of the adults just yet (as none of the future kids are, no matter what horror they’ve faced). She can turn into a dragon, but she’s still really childish in some ways still, and that’s to be expected. Just like Owain plays games and lives in his own world most people don’t get, just like how Severa goes hot and cold all the time in conflicting ways and pushes away people who care about her, just like Gerome wants to watch over the everyone without the vulnerability of actually being seen as part of everyone, Noire uses her charm as a way to defend herself and ends up getting really aggressive towards everyone around her when she does, Inigo has no regard for anyone else’s privacy, etc. I think most, if not all, of the future kids have bad traits you can really emphasize if you wanted. Some of these traits get emphasized in the game more than others, but they’re all there. And I think you could make a good argument for saying these characters are troublesome or contradictory or problematic sometimes too.

So while it’s pretty immature of Nah to say “hey, we’re dating now” to her SOs, I’m also not entirely surprised by it. Again, Severa, Inigo, and Owain all change in very visibly ways in Fates as Selena, Laslow, and Odin. They’re way more mature in just the span of a few years. So I want to believe Nah would grow up a bit too. And while the game could handle her more immature S-Supports better, I’d like to believe that over time Nah grows up and becomes more mature too. And that she talks with her partner in more understanding ways as they both grow up. You know?

I’m not saying Nah is the best character or that her actions are always morally sound, because people who have gone over her Supports more than I have can probably point out some things she’s done wrong that I’ve forgotten. And she does do things like jump to conclusions, not listen to other people, play games without them knowing it, etc. And this does often make life more difficult for others around her. She’s judgey! But again, these are immature things that make her drive to be seen as more mature interesting. Nah thinks it’s only hear appearance that causes people to think she’s a kid (and mainly it is), but there are behavioral things that contribute to this that she doesn’t even realize.

And rather than say it’s a problem that she’s hard to pin down or understand at first glance, it makes more sense to me to think of her as a complex person who takes some effort to understand. And isn’t that way more interesting than one-dimensional characters? 

If she were entirely flat, she’d be way more boring. And less realistic. 

If it's not too much trouble , could I ask @blog owner to state ten things bryon and vician respectively love , and then ten things they hate ?

I absolutely love this question thank you so much :DWe'll start with Byron because this is their blog space after all.Ten things Byron Lovelace loves:-Old buildings. The more in tact and held together they are the better. Ruins are nice but old beautiful mansions with sculpting in the stonework is their ideal sort of building.-Gold leaf as a means of decoration. Hey, nothing says wealthy like a good ol' leather bound book trimmed with carefully placed gold leaf.-bats! Love thoss flying bastards!-cats!! But not in their house. Too many expensive things to break in there.-Antique furniture because it's all beautiful and reminds them of the sort of things they aspired to own as a child.-In the rare occasion they get to sit down and eat anything other than blood, they adore leek and potato soup. It feels and tastes like home and is a welcome reminder of their human life.-Aesthetically pleasing people. As far as love goes as an aroace person, they adore being around and looking at pretty people because it's almost like an aspirational "I want to be like you!" Sort of thing-Tea! Loose leaf tea of unique and exotic blend!-Lace. Lace on clothes, lace on furniture, lace as decoration, Byron just loves that lace!-old cheesy romance novels because they know they're absolute trash but it's so much fun to just read and be able to predict precitable plots.Ten things Byron Lovelace hates:-the sun. That goes without saying.-they really dislike contrasting colours. They do not go well, they aren't aesthetically pleasing at all! Get that purple away from that yellow!!-infact anything that purposely tries to be unpleasing to ths eye either for ~shock value~ or to purposely throw one off their senses are Bad in Byron's books.-loud noises. This goes beyond a mere ahout this is things like motorbikes revving up and punt guns going off in the distance.-they hate the smell of wild garlic. From what they remember of their childhood their home was by or in a forest, and that forest grew wild garlic every sodding year of their life and the smell is just nautiating to them-infact they also really hate cinnamon, but they don't eat much human food as it is so this is no longer and issue for them.-public transport. Byron alwayd either traveled by foot or by a peivate carriage or car, when public bus services first started up the really didnt like them.-they do not like being asked questions quite personal to them beyond their flamboyant pretty-thing-loving persona. -heights. Whats this? A vampire who could fly through magical abilities that doesnt like heights? Good thing turning into a bat is optional!-dont you dare ask them to speak welsh when they're trying to sound english they will bite u Things Vician Carter loves:-His clothes. His entire wadrobe is comprised of two hundred years odd of the development of his identity and he loves being able to wear so many unique clothes.-Being able to help other people. Not just in a "I helped you with this chore" sort of way but being able to give advice, to boost people's confidence, to answer questiond and help people learn- that's what makes him very happy.-in terms of his past partners? The most his relationships go into are queerplatonic relationships, so in terms of the people he was closest to in that regard, Gerald and Caron are the closest to his heart.-Peacocks. They mean quite a bit to him symbolically but also they are just very beautiful birds.-Vician loves dogs aswell, but never got to own one as a child. He can't get enough of his current dog, a white borzoi named Blanca.-sweets! Cakes! Pastries! Vician is supposed go be a dignified and grown up lord but he can't help but get excited about sweets-He loves queer litterature, and the further away from home it was written the better, he is so in love with queer history and the experiences of lgbtqia+ people from arounf the world because he already contributes so much of his past, he loves learning more about people-infacf people in general are just Very Good to him. He loves people because people are so much fun to be around.-Looking after his appearance. As vain as that might sound he spent such a long time uhming and aahing about what he should and shouldn't do with his general appearance and it took him so long to learn that none of that matters and that he should do what feels right for him. He's allowed to do something that makes him feel handsome and pretty and he loves that.-Vician loves peaceful moments, moments that may not last long but allow him to absorb evrything around him in a possible way, he needs to be able to be calm because his life is so hectic. And so when he does feel peaceful it makes him very happy.Ten theings Vician Carter hates:-Jean. Without a doubt, Jean Ankerburough is THE worst thing that ever happened to him. He hates him with all of his being, words can not describe how evil that man is.-James Carter. This is Vician's uncle, also an absolute asshole who Vician had every reason to hate.-Infact as much as he greatly appreciates the 19th century aesthetics he hated living up in that time. He hated victorian society, he hates how people romanticize this era as a beautiful and dapper time.-He hates getting ill. Not to go into too much detail but he blames illness as a factor for a terrible thing happening to him, so whenever he displays symptons if a cold or flu he immediatdly panics.-whoever the fuck bit him. He never actually knes their name or face well enough to identify them.-he hates that we haven't done enough yey a society in so many areas it would be a whole list it's self to discuss.-i wanna make a specific mention about how much he hayes the 50 shades books. Because he'd very open about his sex life to his friends when this book suposedly about bdsm comes out, that's the only book he was given for like half a year by different people. And he tried fo read it, he really did, but so much of it made him feel so unwell he just couldn't go on. -Vician hates the casual sort of misunderstanding of a lot of things linked to his identity and self. When he over hears ppl misusing words or repeating harmful stereotypes as jokes or as fact it makes his blood boil.-Vician hates being alone. Not in an "everyone MUST pay attention to me all the time!" Way but more of a "I don't like it when I'm around people who won't understand my issues" way. -he hates Sarah, she was like a business partner of his in the modern era who directly caused harm to himself and Caron, his parter, so she's up there with the List of Bad People.

how much would u hate me if i asked u to do every single uncommon question for an oc of ur choice?

the absolute madman he actually did it

im gonna put this under the cut sdjkfhsdjfsjkl also im answering for pascal because. Thats My Boy

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

he’s gotten really good at it since he had to start hiding from murder robots... but even before then he was never a super fidgety person so he could sit very still !

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

he’s good at pretending everything’s fine when it’s all actually Rather Shit so. yeah pretty easy

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

thinking mostly.... sometimes he’ll talk to someone and drift off from there but it depends on who’s on lookout or how quiet the group has to stay

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

he tries to remain suspicious of people he meets but at heart he’s too trusting for his own good tbh.... he does try to hold off on trusting stangers these days but hes still a little soft

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

yeah pretty easy. like it’s easy enough to get him to trust you in the first place but once you do something to fuck that up then good luck getting it back lmao

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

laws arent really. a thing anymore djkfhdljk but when they were he’d like... say laws are immovable and very needed and then do stuff that completely contradicted that view

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

cooking !! it reminds him of when he used to help his mum out with houseowrk/cooking. he. doesnt really like the feeling because it reminds him that he has no idea if his family is actually still alive or not :(

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

“stop playing in the dirt”

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

he doesnt swear heaps but he does enough that it’s not super shocking whenever he does. he sweras more the angrier/more agitated he gets

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

he’d regularly lie to his mum just so he could get out of the house and go to parties lol. he’s not super haunted by it or anything (& he was a pretty good kid otherwise so he figures he was allowed at least this one not great thing)

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

he’ll try to play along until he can figure stuff out but if he cant he’ll just go “what tf is happening”

12. How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

either gets someone to scratch it or uses like. a ruler or smth

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

he thinks he looks best in green but it’s... not his best colour

14. What animal do they fear most?

big dogs... scarey :(

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

he usually just says whatever comes to his mind tbh. idk how to properly descrive it but like... the way he talks makes him sound smart but not arrogant about it yknow. like you hear him talk and youre like “yeah this is a guy who knows what hes doing”

16. What makes their stomach turn?

not much tbh?? like before everything turned Awful he was studying forensic entomology so like. hes got a bit of an iron stomach lmao. the smell of rotting meat maybe

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

not really? if he does get embarrassed he’s pretty decent at hiding it

18. What embarrasses them?

when he’s the centre of attention in a big group and he can feel everyone staring at him and his face goes all red and aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA

19. What is their favorite number?

7 !!

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

he’d go on a really long tangent about it and possibly not even answer the question at hand tbh

21. Why do they get up in the morning? 

to not die, mostly

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

he’ll become pretty aloof and just. not wanna talk. he’ll avoid the target of jealousy a bit as well oops

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? 

he’ll do everything in his power to one-up whatever’s making him envious. it rarely works

24. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? 

he is comfortable talking about it !! really the only thing that ever stops him talking about it is if someone else is uncomfortable with it

25. What are their thoughts on marriage? 

he likes the idea ! if he does get married though he wants to do it wayyyyy in the future he’s not ready to settle down

26. What is their preferred mode of transportation? 

before everything went shit he preferred driving, now he walks everywhere

27. What causes them to feel dread?

robots. or when astrid is pissed

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? 

he says he’d prefer an unpleasant truth but when it actually comes time to deal with it he doesnt go too great lol

29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals? 

he tries... whether he succeeds is another question 

30. Who do they most regret meeting? 

[redacted for spoilers]

31. Who are they the most glad to have met? 

astrid !! as much as he loves everyine else in the group she’s the only one who could realistically protect him if something were to go wrong. shes just more secure

32. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

not really ??

33. Could they be considered lazy? 

nah not really !! he’s always been a hard worker

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? 

it follows him around for a loooooong time. whether it goes away or just fades into background noise really depends on the situation but it’s not easy for him

35. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 

he always tries to be supportive !! unless it’s something like. morally disgusting then No but he tries to support his friends even if he thinks whateber theyre talking about is kinda dumb

36. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? 

he just kinda waits it out !! when the world was Not Shit his friends would be regularly trying to set him up with people so he never had to work super hard for it :’)

37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? 

i cant remember the name for it but he does the thing where like. he’ll associate thing a with thing b by finding something that connects them togehter? like a syllable in thing a sounds like thing b so. yeah. im good at explaining

38. What memory do they revisit the most often? 

either when astrid helped him bust out of the factory he was trapped working in or just miscellaneous memories of his mum & siblings

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? 

he tends to ignore people’s flaws which can lead to issues

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

he tries to be self critical but he’s not really self critical enough for it to make a solid difference. usually he has to be told what he’s doing before he consciously realises it

41. How do they feel about children? 

he likes them !! he was the oldest of a lot of siblings so he knows how to handle them & he’s pretty good with them

42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

his end goal is to stop robots killing everything & for everything to go back to normal so id say he wants that pretty fuckin bad

43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

“hey pascal are you into--” “yes”

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS (I wasnt sure if you wanted me to do these ones too so. shrug emoji)

A) Why are you excited about this character?

i made him for my comic which. i will start one day fdklgjdlkjgd..... also hes just fun to develop ! i gave him a bunch of traits i rlly like and also i made him like bugs a lot so. i am biased

B) What inspired you to create them?

uh. needed characters for the comic hehe.....i cant remember the exact process i went thru when making him?? i wanted someone who was close to astrid/who she could trust, plus i had the idea for a backstory (i think. like i said i cant remember my exact process)

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

not really, i came up with the concept before i actually made his character

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

he’s always had the same appearance !! even though i should probably change it a little because he looks different every time i try drawing him but shhhhh

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

hes someone i would think is super cool but then. would never actually talk to jkdsfhsdjkhfsdjk. he’d be nice to my face but i’m....not sure what he’d genuinely think of me oops

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

THATS MY FACKING BOY BABEYEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also excited bc i have angst planned ^____^

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

he’s too gullible and willing to trust strangers. he should know better but he’s too much of an optimist for his own good !!

H) What trait do you admire most?

he’s always able to put on a happy face when he’s feeling awful because he doesnt want anyone to worry & he doesnt wanna bring anyone down !! he’s always thinking ahout everyone else before himself

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

i dont know what this means..... yes??

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

uhh technically not ?? in his original concept he was gonna be in a poly relationship with 2 others but i cut the other members of the relationship. not because of pascal it’s because i thought the group would get too big and like. they value stealth and sneakiness. plus it’s harder for big groups to travel undetected

Every Exit, An Entrance (Part 3/?)

There are two (and only two) possibilities: either she led XCOM to victory and they are now engaged in a clean up operation of alien forces, or XCOM was overrun, clearing the way for an alien-controlled puppet government to seize control of the planet.

She’d really like to figure out which it is, but asking hardly seems the prudent option.

She gauges life by language.

When they met, it was stiff. Formal. He was Lieutenant Commander, and she was Doctor. That particular stage hadn’t lasted long, falling away in light of dinners, good natured ribbing, and a few too many jokes that should have earned them both sharp rebukes.By the time they were traveling, wining and dining in pursuit of funds, it had changed again, a strange mix of private first names and public titles. They’d adapted well enough, the code switch reading as performative to none but the sharpest observer.

He has been Central since the invasion, but the single name has come to hold two weights.

Language doesn’t lie, but it’s not much use in sorting substance from specter.

--

The op goes well. Molchetti mind controls the first Berserker they come across, and uses  the creature to ram through the remaining complement, leaving the rest of Strike One to pick off the stragglers. The Ethereal lies crumpled on the ground by the time Martin puts  a shell through its head. There are a few bruises, and Shen’s team will be busy with armor repair for the next several days, but its as close to a flawless op as they’ve run in months.

So, there is absolutely no reason she should have woken up with a pit in her stomach, a sense of doom just around the corner. Yes, there is the matter of the Council and the research, but she hasn’t been removed from her post yet, so she ostensibly still has time.

She rolls over and buries her head in the pillow. Logically, she knows it is months of stress, anxiety like nothing she’d ever felt before, slowly surely being processed. In the heat of the invasion, she hadn’t had the luxury to digest what was happening around here; this is the natural consequence of that.

But something nags at her just out of reach, a fact she can’t quite recall, a word she knows but can’t form.

Groaning, she sits up, and swings her feet onto the floor. If she’s not going to sleep, she’s not going to waste the time in bed.

There aren’t many places left in the base that feel truly safe. She walks the halls and remembers the wreckage, the chaos, the terror of a few short weeks ago. Her side aches, a reminder that there is healing, both physical and mental, left to be done.

She’s still not entirely certain how the Council was convinced to include an aquatics facility in the base. They’re not technically qualified to engage in anything other than land-based operations, and while she’s well aware of the benefits of swimming as exercise, she can’t help but see it as an extravagance.

Not that she’s complaining, of course.

She’s never been particularly fond of the water, not beyond hot showers at least. She hates the beach and the allure of a pool never quite took hold.

Still, she can’t deny they’re a good place to think.

She blames Central. Somehow, in crisscrossing the world, making nice and begging for funds, he’d convinced her that pools were the appropriate place if you needed a plan.

She’d teased him about it once; of course the Naval intelligence officer preferred water to sensible dry land when he needed to think; he’d been quick to correct her of course. Less Navy, more Kansas plains --- though those two are more closely related than you’d think. 

Whatever the cause, she’d spent more time dangling her feet in from the edge in two-and-a-half years than she had in all the rest of her life combined --- almost always with legal pad in lap and pen in hand.  She doesn’t see a reason to change that now.

The halls are quiet; with the die down in hostilities, they can run a smaller third shift. It’s less breakneck, less harried. People are taking advantage of the opportunity to catch up on nine months of lost sleep.

Which is what she would like to be doing, but that’s beside the point.

Pushing open the door, she sees she’s not the only one falling into old habits.

“Commander?” Central asks from the far side of the pool. “It’s four in the morning.”

“I know,” she says, prying her boots off. “I’m not the one in swim trunks, Central.”

“Don’t you have first shift tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she offers, enjoying the warmth of the water against her bare legs. “But if I can do twenty hours of consciousness on four hours of sleep, I can do twelve on five.”

“And, yet, you’re here, not cooped up with your laptop. This after … what was it? ‘How your landing go? Pretty good it doesn’t seem.’”

“Of all the things that have come out of my mouth in the panic of battle, that’s what you’re commenting on.”

“For now,” he says, pushing off towards her.

She shakes her head. “It was appropriate.”

“Just do me a favor and stop the men before they start calling the SHIV ‘metal husband.’”

She chuckles, watching as he cuts through the water. “I’m more worried about their affinity for taping things to the little guys.”

He comes to rest a few inches from her, leaning his forearms up on the concrete of the deck. She’s briefly relieved to see amusement, as opposed to distrust, in his eyes, but can’t imagine why she’d expected the latter. “They got into the butter knives again?”

“Better. Sectoid heads.”

He rolls his eyes. “I hope you made them disinfect the SHIV.”

“And apologize to Vahlen.”

“That was cruel,” he grins.

“I have to get my fun somewhere.”

He looks up, considering her for a moment. “Why are you really here?”

She sighs, and leans forward, resting her chin on her hands. “The more I think about it, the worse it gets. Plasma weaponry is bad. Interrogation techniques are worse. An elerium bomb,” she shakes her head. “But it’s the things we didn’t develop that scare me most.”

“Meld.”

She nods. “You saw the gene mods EXALT was pushing.  They couldn’t have done it without Meld. If they could disable the canisters, so could the council nations. The mods are bad enough, but handing them Shen’s outline on the feasibility of MECs? Humanity doesn’t have a great track record with ensuring their human experimentation is ethical. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much trouble we’re in.”

“And that’s not even factoring in psionics.”

She nods again, digging the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. “Things were supposed to get easier now, not harder. There’s no way I can let that data out. I’ll purge it myself, if it comes to that.”

“They’ll court-martial you.”

“I know,” she sighs, meeting his gaze. “But I can’t let anyone outside of XCOM get their hands on this.”

And, suddenly, she does know. If the worse comes to pass, if she’s removed from her post, she’ll purge the data and face the court martial. You tasked me with defending humanity. That’s what I did.

For a moment, she considers saying fuck it, and jumping into the water alongside him, fully clothed. She’d done it once before, in the Airbnb they’d stayed in outside of Rome. It had been hot, it had been been late, and the negotiations with Italy had just fallen through. Jumping into the pool solved at least one of those problems, and doing so fully clothed seemed the least likely to create any awkward situations.

It had the added benefit of her counterpart’s reaction, somewhere between amusement and disbelief. Most people wear a swimsuit, you know that, right?

She could do it again. She’d probably feel better.

But this isn’t some little Italian villa, it is a military base. They are not alone, and with their luck, aliens would come crashing through the base again the second she hit the water. She is still the Commander, and he is still the Central Officer, and they do not need rumors floating around.

She’s snapped out of her thoughts by a warm hand on her knee. “We’ll figure it out. It won’t come to that.”

--

She’s reviewing blueprints for the Proving Grounds with Shen when the ruckus breaks out.

“…I know alcohol fucks with your judgment, but I thought you had pickled yourself well enough to be immune to that particular effect.”

Sally.

She drifts out toward the ladder, debating whether or not to intervene.

“S’ a reasonable concern.”

Central.

She should not intervene. She should not eavesdrop. She should go back and---

“Reasonable? Reasonable? Since when do you --- you’re telling me that you think it is reasonable to think that the Commander, who was violently kidnapped and tortured at the hands of the aliens, who was shoved in a suit and thrown in a tank, who got the tech that got us flying, for fuck’s sake might have willingly collaborated?”

She screws her eyes shut. She’s not surprised to hear the accusation, but the expectation does little to take the sting away.

“Torture---“

“Willingly collaborated. Willingly. I can’t believe you. Have you talked to her?”

Lily is at her shoulder. “No one thinks that, Commander,” she says, quietly.

Upstairs, Central is silent.

“No, because you’re too busy down here, drinking yourself to death as usual. Look, I know you don’t trust me much these days, but do you really think Shen would stand to be working for someone she thought might have collaborated? Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but she still doesn’t trust Tygan. She’s fine with the Commander, though. Or, hell, you trust Kelly still, don’t you? Don’t you think she might have noticed that something wasn’t right?”

The Commander’s throat tightens.

“Do you think Volk would have helped you if he thought there was a chance of collaboration? And if you’re concerned ahout collaborators, might I remind you that Tygan worked for ADVENT –willingly worked for the aliens– and you still trust him. And over Lily’s strong objections!”

He tries to say something and is cut off by a torrent of French, mostly profane. There is the clunk of boots on metal, boot on rungs, boots on ---

Sally gapes at the two women as her boots hit the ground, the color abruptly draining from her cheeks. “You … heard?”

The Commander nods. “You’re both … pretty loud people. The ship is metal. Things carry.”

The cooler floods back into the younger Royston’s cheeks, and she runs a hand back through her hair, suddenly fascinated with the scuff marks on her boots. “I … Sorry. He … he doesn’t …”

“He’s a shitty drunk,” Lily offers.

“Vodka leaves him talking out of his ass,” Sally adds. “Everyone knows it.”

“And, he doesn’t do well with surprises.”

“Or, the aliens.”

She offers them both a small smile. “I appreciate it, you two, but we all know, on some level,” she sighs. “He means it.” She manages a shrug that she hopes doesn’t look nearly as defeated as she feels. “If he’s got doubts, then this doesn’t work. Divided we fall, and all that.”

“The crew’s behind you, Commander,” Lily says.

Sally’s quick to nod. “She’s right. He’ll pull his head out of his ass. He just has to sober up.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not gonna get better until it’s all out on the table.”

The younger Royston goes to say something, than stops herself. “You’re really gonna go up there?”

The Commander nods, then turns her attention to Lily. “Shen, plans look good. We’ll get started as soon as the debris is cleared. In the meantime, stand by for whatever’s coming down the line with establishing comms.”

“You got it, Commander.”

“Sally,” she sighs. “I’d appreciate it if you could do what you can to keep people away from the bar.”

“Jane’s usually got a plan.”

The Commander nods, and draws in a deep breath. “Alright,” she exhales. “Let’s go start to deal with this.”

 There are many things she hates about the current situation. She hates the alien lines and contours of the ship, how tenuous they make XCOM’s hold on the space feel. She hates the odds, an entire well-armed totalitarian regime hunting them down, dedicated to their eradication. She hates the headache that’s been buzzing behind her eyes since she wore up on Tygan’s table, unceasing and unrelenting, untouched by anything she’s tried. She hates that virtually anyone and everyone she’s ever loved is dead, and she is here, absent their company and their ghosts.

Of all the things she hates, though, the one weighing heaviest on her as she mounts the ladder is the absolutely atrocious state of her relationship with Central.

On the macro scale, she knows that things won’t work if he doesn’t trust her. That in and of itself is a matter of no small concern if they want any shot at retaking the planet. That is what should be her primary motivation.

But it’s the micro scale that really eats at her. She wants her friend back, the person whose shoulder she slept on over more transatlantic red eyes than she’ll ever be able to count, who backed her up when the Council questioned her decisions, who went down fighting alongside her when the base was overrun.

She wonders if it wouldn’t have been better if they had just both died then and there. A brief, bright flash of pain and it could have all been over.

It is, she admits, in some part, her fault. She’d pulled them through everything else, but when it really counted, when XCOM had truly needed her, she’d failed. All her theories, all her strategy, all her foresight: it hadn’t been enough.  She bears no small amount of blame for ADVENT, and she knows it.

But I didn’t collaborate.

He doesn’t look up when she steps behind the bar, doesn’t react when she sets a glass of ice water in front of him.

“I don’t know what to do, or what to say to make you trust me,” she starts. “I don’t even know if I can. I didn’t … I didn’t have any say in what happened. I promise you. I wouldn’t have turned on our people like that.” She sighs. “But I can talk all I want and it’s not gonna change anything. I know that. But, if you figure out what will, I’d really like to know.”

She waits, but there is no acknowledgement of her words. After a few minutes, she dries her hands against her pants. “I’ll be in the crew quarters if you figure it out.”

She’d give anything for the ache in her chest to stop.