#you were relearning to sew and you started with THAT?
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When I was a little child, there was a particular library book I checked out week after week, endlessly renewing it as much as I was able. The book, How to Raise and Keep a Dragon by John Topsell was a quasi-nonfiction guide to, as you guessed, rearing different species of dragons. I loved it. Tiny-me had plans.
As an adult, I tried to buy it a few times. No dice. The book was so old that no mainstream bookseller stocked it. Even when I tried niche websites recommended by various booksellers and librarians, I still couldn't find it. It was sadly lost to time, apparently not popular enough to make it into the archives.
But.
My best friend had a copy of that book. We're going to call her G, for several reasons not relevant at the moment. I was discussing my search with G one day, for some reason I can't remember now. She got a funny look on her face, asked me a few questions about the cover, listened to me do a very poor job of explaining with my hands how the hardcover copy had included a real gemstone in the dragon's forehead, and then went off to fish it out of her bookcase.
I was Gobsmacked.
I should not have been, given that the history of shared childhood books between us both would have made a circle with ragged edges, more so than a venn diagram, but I digress. The book came home to live in my house for a few months, and I was delighted by the chance to read it again.
Do people remember those type of books? Dragonology, Egyptology, The Stone Age - a way of introducing children to non fiction. They very earnestly spoke about the responsibilities needed to raise dragons, the practicalities involved. There was a record of registration you could fill out, if you had carefully considered the information to your self and felt you were responsible enough to to go through with adopting a dragon.
I vaguely remember filling out some of the riddle and puzzle questions in the Dragonology books. I would never have written in John Topsell's book, it was a library book.
But.
When I re-read G's copy at home, smiling over the familiar artwork, I was surprised to turn the page and find the painstaking, somewhat-wonky handwriting staring back at at me. Baby G, with her name spelled out in freshly-joined but still-not-quite-got-the-hang-of-this-yet cursive lettering. Baby G had filled the registration out in her best handwriting, in glittery green gel pen to denote the importance of the document. This was compared to the earlier, less important checklists done in plain black ink.
I read the registration certificate. Smiled. Smiled some more at the names listed for G's dragon, her dam, and her sire - Eragon was also a great book. Go off, Christopher Paolini.
Breed; standard Western Dragon. The box 'miniture' was ticked, to show that G's dragon was of the minature specic variety, rather than a full size dragon. This was, as she would later explain to me, chosen on the basis that baby-G felt it was the more financially responsible choice. Also so she could keep her dragon in her house with her, but we're not there yet.
I looked at that certificate. Looked at it again. Looked at the calendar, and then looked at the sewing machine I had just been given for Christmas.
G celebrates her birthday in January.
The template came first. I studied the different images of the standard western dragon through the book, picked my favourite, and re-drew it to a significantly larger scale.
Inking the design to the fabric, four times over probably took the longest.
I very subtly asked G the next time she was over (after hurling all dragon-related materials in a panic into the depths of my wardrobe) what type of colour dragon she would have, should it come up. As G later said, that type of question from me truly did not register as anything other than a question asked from theoretical interest. I transitioned the topic as discreetly as I could after she answered, and delightfully, my sneakiness went in one ear, out the other, and she forgot I had ever asked until several weeks later.
I enjoyed painting them.
Don't ask me how many mistakes I made through this process. So many. I do already know how to sew, but it's been a long time. I'd been meaning to get back into it for a while.
Given that various aunts and grandmothers and my mother had a knack for calling when I was up to my elbows in either paint or pins, it became a family affair. Each of them peered at the project through face time and offered their advice.
Some of the advice I took, some I didn't. No regrets about sewing it in pink thread. Considerable regrets about accidentally slicing one of the feet in half and having to fix that.
In the end though, she was finished.
I carefully pinned on her name tag, with the name baby-G had chosen with a little blue ribbon. A collar was unacceptable, this is a dragon, people, come on. Dragon's don't wear collars.
I put the book in the box, open to the registration certificate, and put the dragon on top. Wrapped the whole thing up with a bow and then refused to touch it before I sent myself mad trying to fix details that didn't really need to be fixed.
A bit late for her birthday, sure, but there we are. We'd gone for a trip off to nowhere for a weekend, to go try wine made out of blueberries and hike up a waterfall. (And climb on it. And swim in it. It was a very good waterfall).
I gave her the box, informed her she wasn't allowed to keep the box, just the contents (it was the only thing I had that was big enough for me to keep all of my A3 portfolios in, it had only been temporarily-repurposed as dragon housing), and then left the next bit up to the gods.
A surprise, sitting un-awaited for some 15 years in amber, to catch up to baby G and adult G together.
Happy Birthday, baby and adult G.
#StClaire speaks#How to Raise & Keep A Dragon#John Topsell#Joe Nigg#the thing about problems hammers and nails#except in this case it was childhood wishes and sewing machines#and as someone said#you were relearning to sew and you started with THAT?#well no#I started with a scrub hat#which kept the hair out of my face while I painted this#and then also that apron my aunt gave me the pieces to years ago that I refused point blank to do by hand#but yeah#101 mistakes later#and one re-attached foot#pretty happy with her#dragons
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Another update on my crochet FE3H Golden Deer banner
Hello again, dear friends.
It has been a few months. I would love to say I’ve been busy but truthfully I haven’t.
But I’m back!
I started off by continuing, and subsequently finishing, the zig zags. (Which, because it’s been so long since I last touched this project, did require me to relearn how to do said zigzag. On an unrelated note, it’s a fun lil pattern and I may yet make a bigger project made entirely out of zigzags).
(Please excuse the slightly awkward picture, I only took a pic of the zig zag process on instagram so I’ve cropped out the text)
(In case you’re wondering, yes I am sitting on the floor in that pic. Why? Because I was in a freezing cold church and the only warmth was coming from the grates in the floor)
Next came the attaching of the zig zags!
I laid it all out and used some stitch markers to hold it in place so I could see how it looked.
Then I began the somewhat tedious process of filling in the gaps. (Tedious mostly because the zig zags would flop around and get in the way and make everything ten times harder).
One zig zag down.
Two zig zags down.
And, unfortunately for me, this was the moment I realised I’d fucked up somewhat.
See, the pattern has a fifth colour that it uses to go around the entire thing to create a sort of border.
What I had forgotten until this very moment was that the border was also meant to go inbetween the zigzag section and the main section.
Unfortunately, I had already cut the wool for the two sections and had sewn in some of the ends so I couldn’t easily unpick it.
I decided to press bravely onwards and attempt to sew in the extra border later. How?, you may ask. Um… I’ll work it out?
By this point, my hands were also starting to ache like nobody’s business. I’d been crocheting for about 5 hours by this point and my hands were beginning to protest.
But I was so close. I was almost desperate to at least finish attaching the zig zags.
After a short dinner break, I finally finished zig zag numero 3:
And then, because I clearly hadn’t quite learnt my lesson yet, and high off the serotonin from completing a section, I decided to keep going.
I began sewing the border I’d forgotten in as sewing was easier on my hands than crocheting. But then I got bored so I switched to beginning to crochet the border to go around the whole thing.
It is here where I finally decided enough was enough.
My hands are a smidgen painful now ngl (even typing this they’re aching) so… yeah… stopping for tonight might be an idea.
But!
It’s so close to being done!
And its starting to look really really good if I may say so myself.
Still left to do:
the top bit (which is the same colour as the zig zags)
finish the border (which also goes around all sides of the top bit, hence why I started it already)
finish sewing the zig zag border
add details?
breathe a sigh of relief that I actually finally managed to finish something
But, for now, ima go to bed.
#fire emblem three houses#fire emblem#fe3h#golden deer#crochet#fe3h crochet#fe3h fanart#sort of?#i mean…#im a fan#and its art#so#technically#fire emblem three houses crochet#fire emblem 3 houses#long post
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Nothing like a well told story. Nothing to stir you so profoundly like a masterfully weaved tale that drags you in, sewing you into it, as if you had always been part of its pattern.
Nothing like a story that feels written for you, that answers and calls back to each emotion, that goes straight to your heart of hearts, like a perfectly aimed arrow. A story that you enter out of curiosity, not expecting much, but get lost in, drown in and swim out of messy, chewed up, ravaged and wrecked.
Nothing like a character who just clicks with the little electric sparks that power and light up your neurons. A character who fills that empty cup, who merges with that unfinished puzzle and who feels like a return to essence and what used to fuel you once upon a time. A character who feels like has always been there, in the ether, just for you.
Nothing like feeling respected by the creators of this story. Being generously offered everything you need, all emotions, all thoughts and wishes, in a way that you feel sated, happy, inspired, lifted, but also broken and bleeding out of pure pain and bliss.
Unnecessary restraint, shame and preconceived ideas that make creators hold back, or feel scandalized by what their audience may want, not offering it all, or worse, minimizing and even shaming them for what they would like to receive, is the death of good story telling.
Yes, make a story believable! Make it good, well built, use all the creative tools you need to master and tame it, but also sink your teeth into it, offer whirlwinds and storms of emotion, go deep and pull its still beating heart out and devour it whole.
Make it so that they NEVER forget the spell you put them under.
I am feeling poetic and indescribably emotional for so many reasons, that I couldn't possibly enumerate each one in a single post.
As an aspiring writer and artist, the story I have experience in the past month has changed my perspective, has liberated me, dragged me back to how I used to be years ago, before the dullness of the creative world clouded my mind, locking me in an unnecessary prison where half of the things I loved were either cringe, too emotional, too abstract or just not "modern" enough.
Things can change and they are changing. I wish creators of other stories I love would relearn this and start doing it again.
#me things#zia breaks the 4th wall#gaming#storytelling#art#yes this is about baldur's gate#how could you tell?#and also about another loved “story” I won't name#baldur's gate 3
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New Parts PT3 The Final Part
The final part. But not the end of this. Y’all get married in the next bit. There is smut in the wedding bit and I’m not sure how to post it. If y’all are interested let me know. CW: talk about Y/n’s missing leg, threats of violence. I don’t think there is anything else... If I missed something let me know.
The next time they got news of your condition was two weeks later. Two long agonizing weeks later. You had woken up a week ago and were asking for them.
To say Sun and Moon were pissed would be a gross understatement. They had been told you were awake a full week AFTER you woke up! When would they be told you were released? A year after it happens?
The Daycare reopened the next day. They weren't even given time to fully process what happened. Moon was a jumpy mess and Sun found himself avoiding both the red paint and finger painting all together.
He almost screamed when a kid showed him a picture of a big red dog. It just looked like a red blob. The attendants were chastised for their behavior.
Sun fills his nights with altering some of your clothes and making you, and himself, new ones. Moon has taken to playing Minecraft on your pc. He was making a large hotel.
You had once told him that you found it a nice relaxing distraction from life. Sun worries Moon's not processing his emotions and trauma. He was the one to carry you.
Eventually Sun convinces Moon to talk to an online therapist. They don't have any money so Moon joined a trauma group. It seems to be helping. Sun himself sometimes sits in at Moon's request.
None of the other animatronics check in on them. Except for Chica. She makes sure to come see them twice a week. She keeps the duo more updated on your condition.
You are healing well and looking forward to your return. You have a therapist now and are talking through your trauma. Physical therapy has been scheduled.
Sun and Moon agree that they will help you relearn to walk. The company released a statement on your injury. They said it was a malfunctioning elevator and that the problem was fixed.
The company decided they would make you a new leg. Moon finds this suspicious. Sun thinks it's a cash grab. If they can make you a leg then they can branch into healthcare.
A week later it finally happens. It's maintenance day. Three weeks after your assault by Bonnie. The security guard who was with you has started night shifts. He refuses to talk about what happened.
Sun is sitting at one of the craft tables with Moon. Moon is talking to the support group. A woman is talking about her son loosing an eye. Sun is sewing the finishing touches on a special project.
The sound of talking fills the room "To have you back. I know they'll be so happy! I tried to see them as often as I could. They were really busted up about it ya know."
Then Sun hears the most wonderful sound he as ever heard in his life. You "SUNNY! MOONPIE!"
Both of them scramble to stand up. chairs get knocked over and the table wobbles. Sun and Moon call down their cable and fly off to get to you.
You are sitting in a wheelchair. You can see their approach. Tears flood your vision and you hold your arms out. About two thirds of the way to you they both stop. You can see them dangle in the air.
The momentum making them sway gently. They don't move or say anything. Anxiety floods your body. Your heart feels tight. Tears prick at your eyes. Your smile falters.
You can't help but glance at your missing limb. Your hands fly to the place where your thigh should be as if trying to hide it. You curl in on yourself. Suddenly everything feels cold and wrong.
You hiss as you move your leg the wrong way. Staples and stitches pulling painfully. You look back up. Sun and Moon are gone. Their cable has pulled itself back up to the ceiling.
You turn your head Chica is also missing. You feel alone in that moment. Are you really that disfigured? Do They really not want you anymore.
You let out a long and pitiful wail. It echos throughout the daycare mixing with the jovial music that constantly fills the space. You choke on a breath as fat globs of tears his the red mat you are sitting on.
"Oh poor thing! No worries dear! Nurse Sunny is here to take good care of you!" You look up. Sun has on a blush pink nurses uniform. The little hat is affixed to his top most ray. He has on white stockings with pink bows on them. A pair of white Mary Janes with blush pink bows. The hem of the dress rests a fes inches below his ass. His lips are covered neatly in a bright candy red.
Sun turns to something behind him "Doctor! Doctor! Our most important hansom and beautiful patient is here!"
Moon appears from behind a nearby slide. He has on a long white coat with black slacks. Dark brown loafers with blue paisley socks adorn his feet. His lavender undershirt has little dark lavender moons and suns on it. He has a comically small stethoscope around his neck. You aren't sure why but he has dark purple lipstick on.
He pulls a hanky out of his coat pocket and begins to dry your tears "Don't worry starlight. We will take good care of you."
Something in the way he's talking sounds forced. You can see how he shakes. The way his hands flex. Like he want's to touch you more but can't.
You break his trance by touching his face "Please please hold me! I thought I would never see you again! I wasn't allowed to call you. It was awful!"
He breaks down shaking and crying, although he has no tears. He drips to his knees in front of you. Long arms wrap around your middle. His faceplate presses into your stomach.
You rub his back comforting your boyfriend. You look up at Sun. He has a hand on his mouth. His shoulders also shake and he lets out a whimper. You hold an arm out to him.
He jogs over to you and begins to plant large lipstick kisses to your face "SUNSHINE! I thought we lost you! We should have never let you go with that stupid guard! He should have protected you! At least they put him on night shift."
You go stiff. Your breath catches in your throat. The hand on Moon's back stills "He.... He's still... working here?" Your voice is shaky. Your heart rate jumps up.
Sun puts a hand on your cheek "Yes, what's wrong?"
Moon looks up at you a frown on his face.
You take a breath "He locked the door on me... Told me no one would miss me if I died.... I still see the look on his face as he slammed the door behind him. Sad, but no regret. He left me for dead."
Sun lets you go taking a step back. His voice is full of fire, acid, and knives "He what?"
Moon also lets you go. You realize it's so they don't hurt you in their rage. Steam pours out of the two of them.
Moon huffs loudly as his systems try to cool him "He is banned from the daycare. When I see him again he's going to regret not letting Bonnie kill him."
Sun paces in circles punching the air and waving his arms wildly. Sure you've seen him mad but this is on a new level of rage.
Sun points at you "Do you know what he told everyone!? HE said Bonnie blocked the door and you told him to go on without you. Claimed he tried to open the door but it wouldn't budge."
You growl "That's not what happened! The cameras will show what he did!"
Moon bounces in place "Let's get you up to bed first. We can look over your discharge paperwork. After that we'll look at the camera footage."
Sun picks you up and Moon takes your chair. Sun gently sets you down on the bed handing you your fazwatch. Clean of blood and fully charged.
He sits down next to you, the hem of his dress riding up slightly "Would you like anything to eat? We can go get it for you."
You nod "If it's not a problem, can I have a meatball sub? I'd also like unsweetened iced tea."
Sun nods "I'll put the order in for you and pick it up when it's ready."
You lean on him "Thank you. Hey Moon? I get why Sun is wearing lipstick, but why are you?"
Moon crawls onto the bed with your paperwork "I wanted to feel pretty for you."
You wrap an arm around him "Well it worked. Do you... do you still want me? Like... Like that?"
Sun tilts his head "Like that? If you're asking I we still want to make love to you then yes. Silly silly thing. If you're asking if we want to make love right now? Then no. You just got out of the hospital." Sun stands up from the bed "I'm going to go get your food. Be back soon!" Sun plants a kiss between your eyes with a loud mwah.
Moon flips through the paperwork "We'll help you with therapy to get you walking again. You WILL let Sun and I take care of you. I expect you to tell us when we are being overbearing. We want to love you not smother you."
Moon stands up and fetches the first aid kit. He takes note of all the things they'll need for your care. Sun returns some time later with your meal. You notice a gooey brownie in the bag for you.
You and Moon are playing a video game together. One of your favorite two player ones. You save and switch to a movie to watch while you eat. Sun ,still dressed up, cuddles up to your right side.
He and Moon discuss a plan for your care. It makes you feel fuzzy inside. And the fact that Sun made those costumes as well? Perfection.
You do wonder how he got those Mary Janes though. Your mind wanders to how good he looks in those clothes.
Sunny leans over "It has a matching bra."
You startle "What?"
Sun chuckles "I saw you looking. Do you even know what movie you're watching? You can touch if you want. I don't mind. When Moon and I finish going over your care plan we need to change your bandages. If you are of with it."
Without a though you grab his thigh "Soft."
Sun takes the trash from your meal away "Time for a bandage change! Right doctor?"
Moon picks the first aid kit off the floor "Correct nurse! Now, will you be a good little patient and let us change your bandage?"
You blush and nod slowly "It looks... awful. Sunny? Can you hand me my meds? Please."
Sun nods and fetches your medication. He hands you the correct dose and iced tea. Moon sets out everything they'll need to help you. Slowly he takes your bottoms off and sets them to the side.
Together Sun and Moon remove the old bandages. Sun takes the antibacterial cream and puts some onto his hands. He sits down in front of your stump.
He smiles at you "I'm warming it up." Slowly he rubs it into your injury. He makes sure to massage it in gently "Gorgeous as the day we met." He leans down and kisses your hip right where it meets your leg.
Moon takes Sun's place bandages in hand. Sun holds the gauze pad in place as Moon firmly wraps your stump "Not too tight? Can you still move it fine?"
You can't help the tears that fill your eyes "I... Bonnie ripped the bone out. I only have the socket left. He took the joint. I don't have anything to move what's left of the leg."
Sun crawls up the bed and pulls you to his chest "Oh sunshine. I'm so so sorry this happened to you."
Moon pust the first aid kit back where it belongs "Alright. I'm going to watch the footage of... the incident. Do you want me to send it to you Sun?"
Sun purses his lips and looks at you "Do you want me to see?"
You bite your lip "I'm fine with it as long as you don't show me. I'm not ready yet."
Moon nods "When we find proof of what that coward did we'll send it to HR."
Sun nods "And every computer we have access to."
You put on another movie. It's an old one but it also makes you laugh. Twenty minutes into the movie moon lets out a loud roar and punches a hole in the wall.
You jump and Moon throws a pillow over the balcony "That little piece of shit! I'll tear HIS leg off!"
Sun pets your hair "Oh! I just got the video file! Alright let's see here..... I'LL FILL HIS EYES WITH GLITTER GLUE!"
Again you jump at the outburst. Sun lets out a loud guttural scream. Moon does the same. Now the two of them are screaming loudly in rage. You cover your ears and shut your eyes.
They stop. You can feel one of them petting your head like a cat. You open your eyes to Moon. Sun is standing very still. If it weren't for his eyes you'd think he shut down.
Sun turns to the both of you "It's done."
You tilt your head "Done?"
Sun nods "It's done."
The repercussions of Sun's actions happen quickly. Three days later you are sitting in your wheelchair helping out in the daycare. Your therapist thought it would be good for you to play with the kids.
Sun and Moon were happy to be able to keep a close eye on you. Currently Sun was wheeling you to the bathroom happy to help you.
Both of your heads turned as someone came stomping down the stairs to your right. Sun must have seen them first as he sprinted to the handicap bathroom and locked the door.
Sun wheels you to the toilet "Let's uh let's get you set up hm?"
Once situated you cross your arms "What's going on?"
Someone bangs on the door loudly "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Open the god damn door! Do you know what you've done!? I have a family!"
You look at Sun. A determined look on your face "What I've done! What about what you did!! You left me to die! Three steps! I was three steps away! You'll get what you deserve! You! You! COCKJUGGLINGTHUNDERCUNT!"
Sun throws a hand over his mouth "La-snrk-Language hahaha! Where did you learn such foul language?"Sun giggles as he helps you back into your chair.
You chuckle "I used to play a lot of Team Fortress 2. That and a show called South Park."
Sun giggles as he opens the door for you "Maybe we should watch it together."
The guard is waiting for you outside the bathroom "You didn't have to do that! I was scared! I have more than my-"
Sun turns and smiles at the guard "Heeelloooo!"
The guard huffs "I'm not talking to you attendant."
Sun spins his rays "You are banned from the daycare! Leave now or I'll show you what glitter looks like."
The guard growls "Was that a threat?"
Sun laughs with his whole body, almost bending in half "No no no! THAT was a promise! You have ten minutes."
The guard goes to say something but Sun ignores him darting back into the daycare. You don't find out what happened until after the daycare is closed.
The guard was transferred to permanent night shift. He was also reprimanded. Everyone treats him poorly. You wish more happened but what can you do.
Sun takes your hands "Are you ready to excersize?"
You nod "Yeah... I am."
Moon takes your stump and manipulates it in simulated walking "Pretty soon you'll have a new robotic leg."
You nod "I'm a little nervous though. I know it's silly but... what if..."
Sun rubs your shoulder "What if?"
You continue "What if they slowly take more and more of me until I have nothing of myself left."
Moon pauses his movements "Then we will do everything beyond our power to transfer your personality, memories, and all things you into your new body."
You take a deep breath "Y'all gonna make me cry!"
Sun rubs your belly "In a good way I hope."
The days go by much the same. You help Sun and Moon with the kids. In the evenings Chica visits to chat with you. Freddy visited once too but for some reason Sun and Moon were short with the bear.
You decide to ask about it later. What they tell you does not make you happy. Freddy winds up getting a lecture from you. His response tells you everything.
He shuddered out "They always look so happy! I-I thought they were fine."
You try to tap your right foot "Right... It's missing. Do better next time. Just because someone looks happy does not mean they are. They suffered for days alone. And what the fuck kind of person sends only the facts to a grieving spouse! Show some compassion!"
Freddy gasps "Spouse?"
Your eyes go wide. Escaping death, it fills you with determination "Yes! Spouses."
That night you made two bots very happy and one bot very sad. Freddy was determined to do better.
The following day you are carted off by EMT's to prepare for your new robo leg. It's a rough couple of days before you are deposited back into the daycare. Your new leg is black. It works as well as Sun and Moon's. You plan to let the boys paint it.
Sun and Moon are tasked with teaching you how to use your new leg. No complaining! They agree but ask for something in return. The request is granted. Your fist night back they want to try to get you to walk. So, standing in the middle of the daycare Your boys teach you.
Sun stands ten feet away from you arms open for a hug.
Moon holds you under your arms "Alright now starlight, one step at a time. All we want you to do today is practice engaging the mechanisms in your new leg."
You nod "Got it. I can do this!"
Sun shouts "That's the spirit! You've got this Y/N!"
With help from Moon you manage to take a step. It's clumsy, like that of a new born foal. Undeterred, and with the encouragement from Sun and Moon, you manage a few more steps. Within a week you can manage to walk short distances before needing to stop.
It's late at night. Sun and Moon have you waling to them again. You make it twenty feet.
Both Sun and moon hold their arms out to you before dropping to a knee and saying at the same time "Perfect! The exact distance we want to see you walk on our wedding day!" Together they hold a box out "If you'll have us."
You shake as your leg tries to give out on you "Who the hell would say no?"
Moon picks you up before you fall. Sun rolls around on the floor in a fit of squeals. You open the box. It's empty.
Moon frowns "I'm sorry... We don't have the ring yet. Shipping delay."
You chuckle "It's fine. I don't mind."
Sun lets steam out of his joints "I might need to go to P&S. I think a fan broke."
Moon shakes his head "Hold on. Let me look."
You feel content. You are getting married to Sun and Moon and you have a new leg. You can't think of anything to make this moment better.
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It’s a bit early (I’ve got more on the way) but here’s my Recap of 2022.
In dolls: the big discovery was that I’m really picky about Rainbow High (3 in - 8 out) and patient enough to keep my fave Barbies and Monster highs (but not other projects) until my back heals.
Big highlights were
The care package from Maleficent and Ryan,
Finding Bratz salon Fianna and a Janay in the wild,
Getting the Phenoxyethanol soak regimen somewhat right to be able to save glue headed Monster Highs
Barbie surprising us all with the high quality Signature Looks line and even a few interesting playline dolls.
I realized something was wrong with my posture in January and started attempts at walking more, had fun with a mega bundle of gunky dolls in March, rerooted like a machine from January until August which brought knock out migraines from the shoulder pain and the still very damaged nerve cluster in my neck, it took me three months to fully process that this was not going away, the care package arrived at a time when I was grieving hard: vacillating between denial and waves of misery... somehow it helped get my head together, clarify what I had to do.
Late October I decided to document slowly learning to touch type with no mental spacial abilities, get a new desk and put the rerooting & sewing parts of the hobby on indefinite hiatus while I slowly relearn to walk and sit straight. The next step, mid-December has been starting to work on the atrophied lower abdominals with very gentle leg lifting - one at a time for now, it still makes me full body shake. Protip: always add senior to your searches if you have chronic illness
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I had a blast watching some really strange and beautiful films this year, about 7 a month, the Benson and Moorehouse universe being a particular standout.
Occasionally someone reblogs a movie review I've done and adds a little little note about how it resonated, helped them understand, or just bonding over how terrible a film was! I’ve really enjoyed those little interactions.
I've mostly been doing the reviews to remember but also part of my enjoyment of the media is reflecting on how it felt and what was learned, noting neat things about storytelling and shots and ways it could have been even better.
It filled the gap of "making a thing" to put my thoughts about a film down in writing. I'm finding my sweet spot far away from prestige or arthouse cinema which had been a magnetic place where I was deeply unhappy. I get a nice mix of indie, mid-tier and schlock by following reccs and rabbitholes. It’s been delightful.
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Ford regrets all those years without Stan, WAY more than Stan does. Stan does his best to help him see it from a more optimistic perspective, that now, they have the chance to redo that together. Yeah, they're old and realistically, they don't have much time left, so they really have to make the most of what they have right now.
Ford takes it to heart.
He makes sure he catches up with Stan's endeavors, the whole 40 years of them. Honestly, he can't do that by talking alone. Stan is very private, by nature. But he's also loud and boisterous and proud, and that pride shuts him in. A walking contradiction, a paradox, a complicated mess. So while Ford records their conversations and reviews them later, taking notes of all Stan's quirks, new and old, relearning his brother, he also travels to Stan's mindscape while he's asleep. It also helps to make sure Bill is completely gone, so hey, two birds with one stone.
Ford makes sure to learn everything about Stan. His favorite jokes, food, music, movies, clothing, his taste in women, his taste in men (He learns that Stan is more flexible than he lets on, so long as they stay. He should really raise his standards). He learns what his favorite brand of foods are, how he keeps things organized, his system, how he dresses, in what order he dresses in, his favorite hair products, his favorite body wash, how he washes his body, how long he spends in the shower.
He learns how he smells, how he sings, how he laughs, how he lies, how he tells the truth, how he sleeps, how he dreams, how he hopes, how he yearns, how he fears, how he worries, how he loves.
"Wow, Ford! How'd you guess that I liked this stuff so much? I didn't even know that!" Ford warms at that. He made Stan happy. His studying paid off. He knows Stan. He knows his brother. It's like they never parted in the first place.
When Stan smiles, it's not always a smile but a playful smirk. It's genuine happiness guarded by irony. His true smiles are seen in Ford's peripherals but lately, he's learned to make sure he catches them head-on when Stan thinks he's not looking. He has a dimple on the right side of his cheek, where the smirk tends to lean into.
Stan likes to sing in the shower and it usually starts breathy and low, little mumbles, until he gets further into the song. Usually, he gets louder when he starts singing songs the kids introduce to him. Typically, they're musicals. Ford remembers that at one point, when they were kids, Stan wanted to do theatre but their dad shot that down. Doesn't bring in the cash and is not manly enough. Ford starts singing on his own and relearns the piano so he can hear Stan sing again. It works.
Stan likes to organize his books by color and genre. Stan likes to put his drinks on the top of the fridge so he can grab them easily, versus squatting down. Stan still holds onto his crushes, even after disappointment, often thinking about what they could be. Stan has a freckle behind his left ear. Stan cracks his right knuckles first all at once and then his left one by one before redoing the right ones. Stan keeps his favorite magazines on top of each other and on top of the horizontally stacked mags, the ones he organized by brand and genre and color. Stan secretly likes to mend and sew. Stan wants to become a taxidermist.
Stan only uses the laptop for a few things, to find old stuff to buy that they can't find anywhere else, to search for tourist places in their next destination, to chat with the kids, and also, let's be real, porn. He doesn't know how to clear his search history. Ford doesn't want him to. In the mindscape, whenever Stan gets close to figuring it out, Ford sets the files on fire, forcing him to forget. He then discards the ashes in the only dirty place there is, the subconscious. The rest of the place is immaculate and colorful and vibrant. He likes it like that.
It's good to learn about his brother's kinks. They can tell you a lot about a person, how they were loved as a child, how they want to be loved, how they feel about it, how guarded they are, their trauma, how it affected them, how they would "fix" it if they could. Stan likes praise, humiliation, soft bondage, harems, bukkake, sometimes even sissification. He's very into roleplay, especially teacher-student and step-brothers. He has both a mommy and daddy kink.
Ford steps into the mindscape and decides to wander around in his fantasies. Of course, he has his innocent ones. All a bunch of "what-ifs" and some stories for the Mystery Shack, but also some comic book ideas and maybe even a few novellas. Ford peaks behind the red curtains and finds a red hallway, with pink curtains. Further in, the curtains fade into purple and then into black. Some of the curtains, namely the pink ones, have cobwebs on them. Ford peaks into those first.
They're mostly of his former crushes. Carla, Marilyn, a few characters from shows they used to watch as kids. All girls. Ford then looks behind his more recent ones.
Behind the pink ones were of pornstars and characters. They all have dark hair, mainly brunette, and glasses. Most of them are male. If not male, then they're androgynous, masculine enough to be confused for male, whether or not intended as such. Stan would tease them while they would blush and stutter but also reciprocate his advances. Then in the midst of their... Passions, they'd exclaim they love him and always have. They just didn't know how to say it.
Behind the darker ones, either Stan would become more cruel or they would become more bold.
Behind the darkest ones, it would be of Ford and Stan molesting each other. Not always both at once but there is one fantasy where it become a contest of revenge, a series of rapes until it becomes an all-out brawl between them, all bites and scratches and mocking and growls and too much cum. Not a very realistic fantasy, though that's to be expected. In the other fantasies, Stan would catch Ford jacking off and screaming his name, prompting Stan to "finish the job" while Ford cries. Or Stan would wake up strapped down to a table while Ford touches him all over. Sometimes toys would be involved. Sometimes there would be more than one Ford.
These curtains are very pristine. Ford is hot and bothered. Whenever he comes down here, he never stays for too long. His body would always scream at him and he always has to escape into the bathroom afterwards to take care of his needs. Sometimes, he would come back to the mindscape to continue watching. It's becoming more and more frequent.
Ford decides to set pieces of Stan's shame on fire. Then his capacity to lie. Then his hangups on the concept of incest. When that happens, Stan becomes more and more affectionate, more of a tease. Ford coyly and playfully reciprocates them, blushing and stuttering at first, like he should, and yet, more than he would desire. Fantasies really can't trump the real thing and Ford is definitely not acting like the smooth, intellectual, superior he was hoping to be. But it doesn't matter because it becomes fuel for Stan's fantasies.
Some of the curtains don't even lead straight to the movie itself but instead, into a small hallway, though the size is actually rather variable. Though, the shame and such would come back bigger and bigger, and Ford has to keep burning more and more pieces off. Though, after a long while of that, they stopped growing back.
Ford is pleased with it.
His studying paid off. Now it's a matter of waiting until Stan gives the greenlight.
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After many hours of work, I have finished reorganizing the studio! I am very sneezy. But I am so glad I did it.
Today was honestly a great day. I slept okay last night. Getting up was hard. But I did and felt pretty good.
I got dressed and had leftover chipotle for breakfast. I had some crackers. And then I got all my stuff together to go to the armory.
I drove down there and thought about stopping at Walgreens to get my prescription but then I remembered the aren't open on the weekend. Annoying. But that is fine. I got to the armory and waited for Jess to get there.
When she did we went to get the snacks she got for the workshop participants. Very big bags of popcorn. I even got one to take home.
We got upstairs and got everything set up and I felt really good about the project.
I love teaching sewing. And we were learning three basic stitches. And then a satin stitch for a few that wanted to fill in spaces. We ended up having two kids, one teen, and threw adults participate. And it was so fun!!
I got to show off my coat. And I loved talking to the kids about their ideas. The teen volunteer is really into making and showed me the adorable stuff she makes. We talked about projects and how to store them. And how to get materials. I am glad I was able to share the best places to get cheap and cost effective materials. I also got to spend time organizing my thread. Jessica helped by sorting the blue box so it'll be easier to wrap later. It was a productive class all around.
Everyone was having so much fun that we ended up staying an extra half hour. I encouraged everyone to take thread to finish their projects and to keep their hoops and needles. Some returned the needles though and that is just fine. They all said they are.coming back next week. I hope they do!!
We cleaned up pretty quickly. And then I was off. Back to the house to get back to cleaning the studio.
It was embarrassing how much stuff was in the living room. But I needed the space to be able to sort and clean. Mr Will came over and I told him not to laugh at me but he said I was doing good. And that he has ordered the new door and it'll be here soon.
Besides a few little breaks, I worked on the studio from 1245 until 730. Basically the entire afternoon. I did take an hour breakfast for dinner. But besides that it was just. Sorting. And finding spaces on the shelves. Throwing away trash. Sorting paper. Pulling out my art and putting it in a portfolio case. Just really digging in and trying hard to make the space more conducive to finding the materials I needed.
I also filled three bags of stuff to donate. And 4 1/2 Rubbermaid totes to bring to puhtok.
When James got home they would help me fold all of our sheets and extra blankets and bedding. Then we chose a few to donate. I also moved some trunks around. And really made some space and feel so good about it.
I also kicked up a ton of dust. So tomorrow I will do more actual cleaning. But in the mean time I did sweep a lot of little bits of fabric and trash. James put our couch cushions in trash bags so we could store them in the fire place since I got the box out of there and consolidated that stuff that was in there. And I just feel like we accomplished so much.
We took a little dinner break. Cuddled on the couch. My dad called as I was putting away the last few things. We talked for a half hour it was really nice to hear him sound so strong he starts intense physical therapy soon. And it going to hopefully relearn to drive. I am proud of him.
And once I was totally done everything I could do I went and took a bubble bath.
Which made me feel great. I did a face mask. My skin feels so soft. And now I am in bed. James made me a sandwich. I am sipping juice. I am very ready to go to sleep.
I have the next two days off. And I hope to do my knitting and finish my last crochet squares so I can start attaching them this week. I hope you all have a great night tonight. Sleep well my friends. I love you!
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🐻💚🍀
💚 How long have you been crafting and how did you get started?
I started when I was 9-10ish, and learned the very basics of knitting and crocheting and sewing. Then I went for a long period where I only did things occasionally (just mending really) and then it was last year that I started to really get back into things (and had to relearn a lot lol. I discovered that this whole time I'd been knitting through the back loop and that was why my stitches looked twisted...). It was mostly because I was pregnant and all of a sudden I wanted to knit a baby blanket. But my attempts were going terribly. Then I saw a friend was using a loom to knit and I was obsessed. I got some knitting looms for Christmas and that really restarted my interest.
🐻 What is the cutest thing you have ever created?
So when I was first learning to knit I made a rectangle-shaped thing out of this very cute pink and blue and green baby yarn. I just kept it because I didn't want to throw it away even though I didn't have a use for it. Then I got pregnant and boom it clicked, it was for baby!
🍀 Have you ever tried to teach someone how to knit/crochet/sew/etc? How did it go?
Not at all. I do want to teach my kids eventually but it's gonna be a while...
Thanks for the ask!
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You know what screw nihilism I think if something cataclysmic happens to the whole world and there are only a few survivors I think we'll be fine, actually.
If you're thinking about a skills issue, I think you're underestimating how many people know strange things and can do things to help us rebuild. Do you have any idea how many manual laborers, builders, plumbers, electricians there are? There's bound to be enough left to at lest teach their skills to the remaining people to rebuild, at most rebuild themselves. People learn book binding, paper making, candle making, soap recipes, sewing, fabric weaving, yarn spinning, knitting crochet, churning butter, baking bread, milling flour, starting sourdough, canning, gardening for fun.
Even if the internet goes kaput in a cataclysmic event, there are thousands and thousands of books that teach these skills all over the place, but also humans learned these skills without prior knowledge before we can relearn them again.
If you're thinking about the psychological impact you don't need to look any further than the world wars and cold war, and how much in two generations humanity recovered from the humongous loss and fear of them. The first generation after a cataclysm will be traumatized and grieving, but they'll keep going. One thing about humanity is that we always keep going.
If you're worried about an increase in violence and murder after a cataclysm, unless whatever cataclysm it was completely destroyed the ecosystem so badly that the entire earth ends up arid, there will be less people, no capitalism, no central governments and no cities. Resources likely at first won't be as restricted as it is now. Humanity will be too focused on feeding and housing themselves to worry about stealing and murdering in a society that no longer is restricted by private property.
If you're worried about disabled people dying, those that survived the cataclysm or was disabled by the cataclysm will be cared for. Recently it was found that homo naledi had burial rites as early as 300 000 years ago, and a child was buried with a tool to aid them in the afterlife. Neanderthals with missing limbs show healing on the bones, meaning they not only had amputated limbs, they lived long enough and well enough for the bone to completely heal.
Humans have always cared about their weak, ill and disabled, and we may have stumbled the last century or so, but we always will care about and for our weak, ill and disabled. The loudest minority are cruel, and their willingness to exploit people in a system built to allow it put them in power. They do not represent the majority, and if a cataclysm takes out a huge chunk of humanity and we have to start over there won't be room for those kinds of people. The system that allows them to exploit and oppress and hoard wealth for themselves and control the means of production won't exist anymore.
Am I being idealistic? Maybe, but my idealism is based on history. I sincerely believe that if global society completely collapses in the event of a global cataclysm, the survivors will be good, and compassionate, because for the biggest part of human history I think we were good and compassionate, and I think we still are as much as the current system allows. We'll be fine. We'll be grieving and we'll be scared but we'll be fine.
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Art update 2!
Finally decided on where the alternate name should go for the final draft of my title screen despite everyone picking the only one i didn't like most lol
It's the holiday seaso-
the whole story about the ihop mug thing is as follows:
Okay so-
*snort*
This ALL STARTED with Jose(Jazz’s bf) stealing a genuine ihop mug
And my dad using it all the time when we were in Florida
So now we all have this ihop mug joke
We got one or two
AND THEN MY BROTHER GETS EVERYONE A MUG
And my mom always HATEDDDD THE IHOP MUG THING
AND SHE OPENED LIKE 2
WE HAVE 5 FOR JUST US NOW HAHA
Jacob(cousin) also got us a $40 ihop gift card
I’m just over here sipping my hot coco when I got mine lmao
I cleaned my room agai-, ah yes memories, relearned the sewing machine. Sorta.
Animation update preview (it's from a lil bit ago)/another memory doodle pfF
And there ISSSSSS ONE MORE COLORED LINE/LIGHTING PRACTICE/ᵛᴱᴺᵀ ᵀᴴᴵᴺᴳᵞ (dw I'm fine) but I'm telling you that's there's a
🔵 BLD, hand GR, and VOMIT warning!!! ⚠️
Anyway this is uhhhh it:
I tried to capture the tissue and bone marrow but i think some details could be more accurate tbh
Okay that's all for now baiii
#Tw#gore#blood#Veins too iggg i mean i have venephobia and i drew it and it's not bothering me but just in case#gal3xystar#iza#masoqueen#art#drawing#digitalart#persona#Fnf#mmm mod fnf#fnf mod#malevolent medly of memories#Vs shattered#Villainous#smithers#Varrian#alastor#horrortale#uglydolls#tradtional art#ihop#Sewing#Wip#doodles
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Remembered
I find it so hard to remember
Not in hows but only in whys
I've tried so hard to dismember
Myself from that which traumatized
That which stalks my insecurities
It circles my mind again and again
It says it's only there to tease
But poking the wound won't make it mend
Often it whispers
Sometimes it SHOUTS
In dissonant dithering
I try to tune out
But it's not just words
It's pictures, it's feelings
From mild to absurd
I'm sometimes left reeling
Left gasping, left grasping, left looking to air
To find or to create?
Something has to be there
I can't just be scrambling, be broken, be late
Sometimes it is someone
Who places the reel
The movie of memories done
Don't have much appeal
Sometimes it's longing
Onto me it grips
The promised belonging
In reality slips
Of hope and hopelessness
Of emptiness inside
Left from a threat
When my heart should have cried
But tears were frowned upon
"Go to your room"
"You're just too lazy."
The future felt doomed
Even the sunlights started to fade
Some dimmed naturally
Others were obscured by a purpose placed shade
Others that I wanted to see
But how can you develop simply
When words are unspoken
Not just your own, but others as well?
And I wondered why I felt alone
The abuse, invisible
The abuser, well liked
The chaos, insistent
The good memories, wiped
They've tainted, they 've tinted
With relearning grey
The harm once inflicted
Can't be thrown away
To childhood nostalgia
I am hardly swayed
The child is gone
The road back's been repaved
Over and over the cracks start to show
The self doubt
The perfectionist
The resentment they sewed
At the causes, at myself
In entanglement swept
The brush tries but gets caught
In the times I have wept
In my fear of not knowing
Not the right words
The future
Myself
How many times can I look knowing
I was placed up on a shelf
A-b student
Brilliant singer
Never first
but never last
Hard worker
Good with money
Better than my brothers
How long can it last?
Til I'm tumbling
Til I'm falling
Just like the eldest fell before?
Til I'm pushed out
Til I'm crawling
From my own shambles on the floor?
In shambles I've been before.
Where the shadows creep in
Asking why I'm here
And they don't always just mean a place
And I feel like I'm taking up space
Space that's not mine
Space being wasted
Just like the time
Spent on my own defacement
But when the cracks shatter
And into the sinkhole I fall
I still grasp the edge
Back to the surface I crawl
Hope isn't lost
Though back then it needed found
I have it now
And to it I'm ground
And I glance to the past
Though it's hard to remember
I'm more than I was once
And the shadows are fewer
And maybe still in all the gray
There are some sparks of light
Disconnected from those things
That brought the dread and plight
Some of the sunlights
Burned brighter than candlelight
They pushed back the shade
And helped me stand upright
And new sunlights came
To help me grow, to help me spark
And I help them the same
As we wade through the dark
And with every new light
I can see more clearly
There's a path to my right
And at the end is me
Not me now
Not me before
But the me yet to be
I can't wait to meet her
I can't wait to see.
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AUTHOR INTERVIEW : Jedimanda
I have seen a lot of cosplay books in my time (hey, I even released two books myself!) and I can honestly say that if you are interested in starting out in cosplay, this book is for you. JediManda’s new book Creative Cosplay is actually two books in one. First is Cosplay and Convention 101 for those new to the scene. The second is an introduction to sewing.
EJEN: Cosplay and convention 101 is a great idea. I have seen many topics about that on blogs, YouTube but I have never seen it in a book format. I know you’ve done plenty of panels in your day. Was the book based on panels you’ve done in the past and just expanded?
JEDIMANDA: Oh yes, absolutely. My editor and I decided that we should take the book in a direction of a “Cosplay 101” type panel but in book form. I definitely pulled inspiration and my notes from panels that I used to do.
EJEN: I understand you were discovered at GenCon 2018 at a panel. Tell me exactly what happened and why you at first declined at first?
JEDIMANDA: I couldn’t believe it! That convention was nuts. When my book agent reached out to me to pitch the book deal, she said she saw me at one of my panels there. It was so crazy because I struggled at that convention, I didn’t think my panels were the best. I initially declined because I’m not a writer. I went to school for Fine Art and writing was not my forte. I struggled to write papers in college. But they convinced me that the majority of their authors are in the same boat and that they have experience helping out our “artist firsts, writers second” type authors. There was a lot of hand hold in the beginning then I got the hang of it! I really enjoy writing now, but I still love run-on sentences.
EJEN: What was the writing process like and what is it like working with a team from the publisher?
JEDIMANDA: It was marvelous honestly. After the first quarter of struggling and feeling that imposter syndrome sink in, I crunched out most of the writing during the summer of 2019. Then the editing started and that took a long time. I had the best editor to work with, Beth, she and I vibed hard throughout the rest of the book. Both of us really enjoyed working with each other and she enjoyed learning about cosplay in the meantime from me.
EJEN: What was the most difficult part of the book to work on?
JEDIMANDA: The fabric chapter, that was A LOT of research. I know what I know with fabric but I had to relearn a lot of content that I studied in school plus new fabrics that I do not work with everyday.
EJEN: Since the book came out during the pandemic, how did that affect the roll out of the book in relation to the marketing aspect?
JEDIMANDA: It affected it a lot. We (publishing company and I) had a mini book tour planned on top of the social media book tour we planned. I was supposed to present to sewing and quilting conventions and unfortunately that all canceled. We will still do it once conventions start back up, but it’s going to be a bit. Plus I wanted to take my books to our conventions and talk on panels about the book. (throws hands in the air) Oh well, soon we will be back.
Photo: @aleestudios
EJEN: You've been sewing since 2008 and cosplaying since 2012. Name some of your greatest hits and tell me some of the more interesting responses at conventions.
JEDIMANDA: Greatest hits! I love it. Definitely a top hit was my Queen Amidala and FlameMaiden group meetup at Star Wars Celebration 2019 in Chicago. That caused a stir in the best way. So many people stopped to video and photo us, it was incredible! We had 19 handmaidens! Another greatest hit of mine is winning the regional championship in my Anastasia gown at the The Crown Championships of Cosplay in 2018. I was so shocked, I couldn’t believe it. I had the best time twirling and smiling on that stage. I remember when I exited the stage I had a bit of a headache from all the twirling. Turns out, twirling works!
Find more at Jedimanda.com
Photo: @theportraitdude
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Because I need something to cheer me up, here’s part of today’s celebratory “I reached 150 pages” or whatever I’m calling it. These are some of my saved notes from my chapters throughout my writing process in Saudade (I unfortunately didn’t start keeping them until recently so there’s not as many as I’d like). It’s also important that you know I write absolutely everything as I go, I only ever have like 30% of anything figured out.
The entirety of my notes for Chapter 8: Did You Know ~
*insert that vine of the guy recording his friend, who sits up, then someone else sits up in bed beside him and he’s like “Ohhh OHOHO” and runs away but Archie is recording*
(This video)
Some possible ways that Chapter 10: Ready or Not could have played out ~
-Douxie and his fam go to see Charlie
-Douxie discusses what he and Archie discovered on rescue duty(what did they find??? I do not know)
-prophecy??
-underground wizard hideout place that took a hit in the hurricane???, douxie and co find themselves in the midst of like a magic gangwar type of thing???
-douxie finding out what his special power is that master wizards get ???
-what even is it???
I clearly knew what was happening in Chapter 11: Deep Water ~
*banging fists on table* ANGST ANGST ANGST
My highly detailed info for Chapter 12: Secrets ~
-Zoe has to go to the hospital???
-Douxie in the hospital chair asleep nearby
-what even happened to her, f*** if i know
-injured in the fight??
-too much magical exertion
-Zoe waking up from being drugged acting all weird (how weird is weird)
And a look at some things that were tossed around, some that were used some weren’t, in upcoming Chapter 13: Fire and Ice ~
-Zoe and Douxie return from the hospital to find Archie working with the formerly hostile hedgewizards
- said mages agree to a hesitant pact to protect the city, mortals, and themselves in partnership with Chaos Family and whoever else they can get
- Zoe decides it’s time to travel to see Tara in Boston, Claire teleports Zoe’s car to NYC for her bc the ship is very much out of commission. Chaos family road trip?? i talk about Zoe’s car too much but it is Vital Info
Under the cut: Bonus material from other fics and from conversation I’ve had recently with @nikibogwater regarding my writing processes!
Understatement of the year regarding Unless Spoken To ~
Douxie sees his father for the first time since he ran away and it doesn’t go over well.
Notes from We Will Rock You ~
remember that one time you jammed out to Queen in your car at like 11pm at night? yeah, that. and how fun getting your leather jacket was. that’s all folks
The vibes I got from Have it All ~
(sometime in my Saudade timeline idk you make it work)
Douxie really said no <3 to Zoe in the beginning there.
And lastly, wings!Zoe notes that are still in progress...
She gets a spear “made of a storm” the spear tells her it belonged to the Valkyrie Rota, ‘a goddess who sends sleet and storm’
Rota is one of the youngest of the valkyrie (use some of the poetry??)
Zoe has a pair of wings, sort of combining the swan-maiden story with valkyries
Hawk wings with lichtenberg figures
The wings area very big, she has trouble with their weight/size at first
Buys taller heels so she can walk with her wings better
Doesn’t realize how to Not Have Wings for like a few days so she thinks she’s stuck with them
Zoe spends a while altering preexisting clothing or figuring out how it’ll work with her wings, relearning how to sew
Sparring pt 2 but now with wings (it’s a disaster)
And this little gem:
Anyways, thank you all for this crazy journey I set out on a couple months ago, I’ve loved the vast majority of it. I hope to give you guys all I’ve got in the works to come. Also, all the links to my works can be found in my pinned post to redirect you to Ao3. I didn’t link here because tumblr likes to eat posts with links in them. Hope you enjoyed this chaos for the day lol.
#long post#saudade#misc#fic notes#fic ramblings#toa wizards#toa fanfic#toa fanfiction#douxie#zouxie#zouxie week fics#150 pages celebration#chapter 13 notes were a serious gift to you early btw lol#had to think hard on that one#saudade toa
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Well Spotted (Monster AU)
Patton frowned into the mirror.
It was still there.
He’d never been one to freckle, being more of a burn fast then tan and stay that way for the rest of the summer complexion. He only really wore sunblock at Logan’s insistence, under his own steam he’d be more inclined to just trust in his natural regenerative qualities. Logan had given him a whole lecture on the lack of study of diseases, especially cancer vs werewolf metabolisms, and would repeat it with updates if Patton tried to escape without sunblock, so it was easier to wear it.
Besides it was a good example for people around him, and solidarity for Logan who burned just barely less than Virgil, which was something of an accomplishment.
So this was strange, especially given the moon had just come off waning full, so Patton was as healthy as he would ever be, barring him giving up cookies in favor of crunches, which realistically wasn’t going to happen.
But this wasn’t really a freckle, was it? It was... like the opposite of a freckle. A paler patch at the inner edge of his eye lid. In fact he thought it might be bigger than it was before, a creamy-pink patch. He compared it mentally to the first time he’d noticed it. It was still smaller than his pinky nail but it was definitely bigger than before. He whined again.
“Something the matter?” Roman yawned behind him. Patton jumped and dropped his hand to the sink, picking up his razor again.
“no, not really.” Patton leaned over to kiss the top of Roman’s head, which made him grumble slightly. “Just one of those ‘huh this is my face’ mornings, you know?”
“Well, not everyone is as fortunate as I am.” Roman chuckled, “But I have had those, yes.” he rubbed a bit of shaving foam out of his hair. “Well, I’m showering now, I guess.”
“Sorry not sorry. If you’re gonna being all cute, I’m gonna kiss you!” Patton stuck his tongue out, and resumed shaving.
“If that was the rules, my perfect puffball, how would I ever stop kissing you?” Roman demanded. Patton just giggled. Behind him, the shower turned on, and he almost choked as Roman threw a flirty smile over his shoulder before disappearing into it.
“Your vicious seduction won’t work on me, mister.” Patton teased. He finished shaving, as Roman started singing sweetly in the shower, testing Patton’s resolve. He had to get dressed, make lunch and maybe... he frowned, reaching under his glasses to touch the strange patch of skin. Well, maybe a shower wouldn’t hurt.
After that Patton forgot about the paler patch. It wasn’t really important, after all. It was barely visible behind his glasses. In fact, the next time he noticed it, he was pretty sure he must be mistaken because he’d thought it was on the other side.
“Hey, Pat, c’mere.” Virgil called.
“What’s up?” Patton asked. He’d been trying to relearn sewing, and was working on a stitch sampler, which was going pretty frustratingly badly. He was pretty sure he’d been okay at this as a teenager. “it’s just my lap’s full, so-”
“No it’s cool.” Virgil was suddenly sitting next to him on the couch. He took Patton’s face in one hand, staring into his eyes, and Patton couldn’t help but wiggle a little bit happily, hand coming up to cover Virgil’s cold one. Virgil smiled at that and pushed up Patton’s glasses onto his head, kissing his nose, which only made him wiggle more. “Hold still!” the vampire laughed, putting his other hand on Patton’s other cheek, rubbing at his cheekbone with a thumb. “I think you’ve got something on your face- were you baking today?”
“No?” Patton held a little more still as Virgil swiped the pad of his thumb over Patton’s eyelid gently, then with a little more pressure.
“Huh.” Leaning forward, he dropped a kiss in the same place, then licked, just a little. Patton squealed and pushed away, falling off the couch as he burst into laughter.
“That tickles!” He hopped up to his wolf form pressing Virgil to the couch and licking him back in retaliation.
“Hey no!” Virgil laughed. “Not fair! Stop it! Argh! No! You’re shedding! It’s going to get on my clothes!”
“You started it.” Patton laughed, resting his head in his boyfriend’s lap.
“Teach me to show concern.” Virgil pretended to be grouchy, and Patton pressed closer.
“Noooo you love me.”
“I do?”
“You do!”
“I do.” Virgil kissed his nose. Patton turned back just so he could return the favor, holding him in place. Virgil had to wiggle loose to wash his face, not willing to sit there with wolf slobber, but he came back for more kisses, so that was okay.
“Were you playing with makeup today?” Logan asked suddenly. They were in the middle of making dinner, and the question seemed to come out of nowhere.
“Huh?” Patton blinked. “No, not today, why?”
“I just noticed that you have something white around your eyes.”
Patton scratched the back of his head, then suddenly remembered that discoloration he’d noticed a while back. He immediately tried to check his reflection in the back of a spoon. He licked it clean, and tried again.
“Patton-” Logan said with fond exasperation. He looked up and saw that Logan was offering his phone. Patton had promised to leave his on the counter out of reach after almost dropping it into dishes one too many times while trying to take the perfect picture. He snapped a selfie and peered at it, unconsciously running a finger up under his glasses. Logan was right. There was a smear of off white on his lids. Frowning, he tried to look at the picture as if it someone he didn’t know. Then he thumbed at the settings a few times, until it looked more like wolf vision. It wasn’t perfect- nothing was, but he’d done it a few times to recognize things better. Even his normal slight colorblindness wasn’t the same.
“Logan?” he said quietly looking up. “Do- do you think there’s something the matter? I have... patches. They didn’t used to be there.”
Logan took Patton’s glasses off and set them aside, cupping his face and staring at it for a long time. Patton rested his hands on top of Logan’s and just waited, staring up at him patiently. Behind him, the stove clicked off, keeping the dinner from burning. Finally, Logan let go of Patton’s face, and picked his phone up, pulling a stylus from his pocket to type into it as he often did. Patton reclaimed his glasses, and put the finishing touches on dinner as Logan did whatever he was doing.
“Vitiligo.” Logan said without preamble.
“Pardon?”
“Vitiligo.” He repeated. “It’s a skin condition. The pigment of the skin leaches away, leaving paler patches. Commonly develops around the eyes first.”
“I’m going to get more patchy?” Patton whined. Logan reached out and stroked his hair, and Patton pressed his face into Logan’s shirt.
“It’s not dangerous Patton. It’s more commonly visible in darker skin tones, but it can happen to anyone.”
“I just... I don’t want to look weird.” Patton mumbled.
“Here.” at Logan’s urging, Patton turned around, and Logan showed him pictures on his phone. “Do they look weird?”
“Oh they’re pretty!” Patton exclaimed.
“And you are pretty as well.” Logan kissed the top of his head.
“He sure is!” Roman said from the doorway. “Are we just randomly complimenting him, or?”
“But you really should be more careful about sunscreen now, Patton.” Logan added. “Since those areas will take sun damage faster.”
Patton laughed.
Somehow, he was pretty sure everything would be okay.
#Willow is writing#Sanders Sides Fic#Monster AU#monstrous roomates#TS Patton#Werewolf Patton#TS Roman#Mummy Roman#TS Virgil#Vampire Virgil#TS Logan#vitiligo
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I had a request for soft Steelstep and it... got out of hand. So have ~1700 words of ‘we both know I’m the villain’ angst with some softness mixed in. Retribution spoilers, m!Sidestep x Chen. Tw: mentions of animal injury/harm (very non-detailed and none happens in the fic), discussion of suicidal ideation.
This was not part of the plan. Walking Spoon together was not supposed to end up with you in Sidestep’s apartment.
You correct yourself. Jalal’s apartment. Calling him Sidestep was defence, a way of keeping distance between you, and there’s no point in defences anymore. Not when you essentially accused him of being Eidolon, and he essentially confessed to it, and you more than essentially kissed him.
I can’t stop, he said. You can’t understand. And yet you haven’t removed the label from his shelf in fridge. You still let him near your dog. You still look at him and feel your insides heat and twist. Jalal being the scourge of Los Diablos should be a deal-breaker, and yet it isn’t. What will be?
No. You don’t want an answer to that.
So you’re here, in his home, with Spoon at your side. And for a second you’re not sure whether you’ve entered an apartment or a rainforest. The hallway ahead of you is lined with pot plants: ivy, succulents, flowers in white and purple and yellow. Hanging baskets dangling from the ceiling, window boxes in rows on the walls. Jalal stands among the greenery, watching you with a nervous smile - and suddenly, you know why he brought you here.
Telepathy, he once told you, is usually no more intrusive than seeing someone’s apartment. But he’s always had that window into your character, and you’ve had nothing in return. So he invited you here. He’s baring his home to you, baring himself, putting you on equal footing. He can’t give you an explanation for being Eidolon, but he’s giving you this.
So you file this information away – he likes to see things grow – and grab Spoon by the collar. Because he seems very interested in sniffing a cactus. ‘You grow all these, then?’
‘No,’ Jalal says. ‘They just, um, sprout from the walls.’
He’s joking. That’s new. Your smile is probably a touch bemused, but Jalal returns it, and beckons you down the corridor. ‘Before I let Spoon into the garden, how is he with other animals?’
You duck under a dangling spider plant and follow. ‘He was trained to chase. If you have a cat –’
‘Not a cat, no. Have I never told you about Maisy?’
You shake your head. He smiles again, wider time, and leads you into the living room – just as plant-bedecked, the gaps between greenery covered in posters from movies and TV shows. The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and there’s a cartoon you don’t recognise, kids using some sort of elemental magic. And a few more gaps filled, oddly, with stuffed animals. A heavily patched elephant on the bookcase, a bear that’s lost an eye and had it replaced with a button.
‘I find them in charity stores,’ Jalal explains, moving to unlock the door to the garden. ‘Or the trash, sometimes. I like fixing them up.’
Another piece of information: he mends things. Which you already knew, from all the times he helped you fix your mods back when he was Sidestep. The memories bob to the surface of your mind – his deft, freckled hands, so close to your skin – and something jolts through you, like a pulse of electricity.
Your eyes scan the room for a distraction, and settle on the toys. ‘Ortega has a bear on her desk with patches like that.’
Jalal nods. ‘Yeah, I… I gave her that. I’m surprised she held onto him for so long.’
‘Of course she did. She never stopped holding onto you.’
You wonder if he’ll protest; insist that she doesn’t care that much, or that she should have forgotten him long ago. Instead, his gaze flicks away, and his hands return to the door. Unsurprising. You’ve rarely seen him argue when giving up is the easier option.
Did he become Eidolon because he was tired of staying quiet and being stepped on? Or is it a new way of giving in? To greed, or to rage, or to despair?
You set the questions aside for now. You can learn that he likes plants and Tolkien and sewing from his apartment. You’re much less likely to learn what turned the man who fixed your mods into the man who put your friends in hospital. That will take work, and time.
So you pull Spoon away before he can drool on anything, and follow Jalal into the garden. It’s a real one, since he’s on the ground floor: more flowers, herb bushes, a wooden bench. And a pond, containing one small white duck – which launches itself from the water and waddles over to Jalal at an impressively fast pace.
‘This is Maisy,’ he explains, kneeling to pick her up. ‘I found her in a park, about… two years ago, I think. Her wing was broken, so I took her home and looked after her. I hoped she’d start flying again, but she never did, and she didn’t want to leave, so…’
‘Aren’t there wildlife shelters for that?’
He turns to you, looking a little like Herald does whenever you admonish him. ‘Well… yeah. I know you shouldn’t just take animals, but if they decided she was too hurt to heal...’ He pulls Maisy a little closer to his chest. ‘This city isn’t kind to broken things. I thought they’d do what everyone here does to things that are too wounded to fix.’
Ah.
You look at him. Scars weaving up his neck and crisscrossing his hands. Eyes shadowed and weary. The constant hesitation in his speech, his wordless backing-away from arguments: the habits of a man used to being ignored. Scared of being thrown away.
‘You wanted to protect her,’ you say, and your mind finishes what your lips don’t – because no one did the same for you, when you were broken. So why her? Why nurture her, care for her, and not for yourself?
Behind his glasses, Jalal’s eyes turn away again, and you know he heard your thoughts. His pretence at having lost his telepathy is feeble.
And he must know that. Because the next thing he does is answer your question.
‘When I found her,’ he says, running a gentle hand across Maisy’s back and not looking up at you, ‘she was all huddled up on the ground. She had her eyes shut, like it would hurt too much to open them. She’d given up. She didn’t think she could be helped.’ He swallows. Bends down to kiss the feathered head. ‘She was wrong, but I think I understand why she gave up. When you’re hurt like that, giving up’s easier. I mean, there’s not really a point to fighting when you’re already falling, is there?’
There’s a faint flush under his freckles; he knows he’s too obviously not talking about the duck anymore. ‘If she’d tried to fly again, it would have come to the same thing, right? She’d have crashed, and the only difference would have been that she got more hurt for trying. If she thought it was going to end… I can understand her wanting to let it happen. Without that pain.’
You close your eyes. Just for a moment, long enough to process this. Here’s your answer, then, his reason why.
He never stopped falling from that tower. He believes that even trying to rise back up is a lost and painful cause. So instead, he became Eidolon: a way of cutting his parachute strings so he could hit the ground faster.
Is he really willing to drag you all down with him?
Ortega and Herald, beaten into hospital. Argent, possessed and controlled. And you? What will he do to you? You don’t believe he would kill you, you don’t believe he would kill anyone – but you do believe he will steal and wreak chaos until he forces your hand. You believe he’d break your heart to put his own heartbreak to rest.
And yet.
He brought you here. He put the best parts of himself – the fixer, the nurturer – on display. Then he confessed the worst, offered you an explanation. You can’t understand, he said, in those first few breathless moments after he kissed you. But you’re here, and – while you’re less than impressed with everything he’s done – you do understand.
Because he gave you a chance to understand. And that’s not self-destruction. That’s taking a step forward, and he took it on his own.
You nod, so that he knows you’ve understood. Then you reach out and run a careful finger along Maisy’s head. ‘Shall we see how she gets along with Spoon?’
It’s a strange starting point, introducing your dog to his duck. But it’s a new connection. A new relationship. Perhaps this can soften the pain for him, so that it doesn’t hurt so much when finally reaches out to stop his fall. You can’t just pick him up and save him, like he did to Maisy. But you can hold onto Spoon while he sniffs Maisy’s head, then licks her, then slumps down and lets her nestle against his side.
‘She likes him,’ Jalal says, smiling. And then, fiddling with the hem of his sweater, ‘This might turn out all right.’
And it might. It might yet.
‘You’re right. Los Diablos isn’t gentle to broken things.’ You look at him, and remember the care with which he always fixed your mods, the way he ran soft fingertips over your scars after he kissed you. ‘I think you are, though.’
He holds your gaze only for a moment, of course, before looking away again. Bitter defeat in his eyes. Unconvinced. He’s out of the habit of being gentle to himself, but habits can be relearned. Like your replacement arm, it’ll be stiff and awkward at first, but constant practice will make it smoother, until it becomes a reflex.
That’s something to work on, then. For both of you. Together.
#fallen hero#fallen hero: rebirth#fallen hero: retribution#steelstep#wei chen#m!sidestep#fallen hero spoilers#oc: jalal ahadi#aka 'i cannot keep secrets and i project onto my pet a lot'#i'm just amazed he hid his crush on chen for all those years#otp: restart this heart of mine#tw: animal injury#tw: suicidal ideation#sky's writing
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Group Ask 138
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Please send us an ask stating which group ask and which person you are replying to. Thank you so much in advance!
Anon 1 said:
Hi! I already had searched into the resources of the library and AO3, with multiple combination of tags, and I couldn't find this fic. Modern!Steve was a sex worker that worked from his apartment and most of the fic is them in apartment, i think they text as well, towards the middle/ ending of the story bucky(winter soldier/veteran) asked steve out, and asked help from steve's friends(maybe sam) to make the date more special. i think he ended up buying himself new clothes, and flowers for steve.
Anon 2 said:
hi I'm looking for a misplaced fic about bucky relearning about sex. I remember him doing research and sending porn videos to pepper and then steve says they have to wait 3 months before they have sex. Would love it if anyone can help out!
Anon 3 said:
(i tried sending this earlier but it glitched so i’ll try again) i’m tryna find a stucky fic (obvi) where the avengers catch bucky and have him locked in tony’s vacation house. they call steve to come calm bucky down because buck won’t let bruce check his bullet wound. (steve has been going through real bad mental stuff.) the only orher part i remember is that bucky cuts out a tracker in his rib because he doesn’t want anyone to touch him, and he also sews it up by himself. it’s a cute fic, help
orchidsrule sent in There's Nothing to Save* by camwolfe (complete | 22,169 | M) *graphic violence, drug and alcohol abuse
Anon 4 said:
I was wondering if you guys knew the endgame Stucky fix it fic where Steve decided to stay behind but realizes that he’s in love with Bucky while he’s with Peggy and watches as Bucky falls in love with someone else (who dies later on) and regrets not being with him. Thank you!
Anon 5 said:
Hi! I am desperate to find a fic I originally found here and lost. I remember 2 scenes but can’t remember anything from the description. It was post TWS. Sam and Steve trying to find Bucky. At one point they caught up to him and they were surrounded by people trying to get Buck and he asked Steve to shoot him if they grabbed him and at a later scene Bucky pointed a gun at Sam so they wouldn’t take him to a hospital then turned it on himself to make Steve comply. Does that sound familiar at all?
Anon 6 said:
Hi! It’s like 2am and I’ve read this fuc twice before so I know it’s exists. It’s super short and it’s Nat’s perspective and her wanting to throw a Christmas party so they do and there’s minimal Stucky and Clintasha and they mention Thor being Santa Claus. I’ve been looking everywhere but I don’t know why I can’t find it. Thank you so much in advance.
Anon 7 said: (minor character death)
There's this story I've been looking for when Bucky was in a band with Nat, Nat's husband/boyfriend(?), and Clint. And Bucky lost his arm after dropping a speaker or something when Nat's husband has a heart attack or something and dies? I know it's a very vague description, sorry
Anon 8 said:
Hi~ I've tried all the ways I can think of to look for this fic.. As far as I remember, Steve is an omega and Bucky is an alpha (but he can't remember it bc he's brainwashed) Steve suspects someone has been rummaging on his apartment bc of misplaced papers until one day he sees Bucky in his window. Steve's like.. How are you alive are you ok?? But when he makes sudden movements he leaves. They are like that until Bucky is sitting on his couch and then his heat hits. Thank you so much beforehand
Anon 9 said:
Hello! Please help me find the fic where Steve wakes up one day looking for Bucky (Established Relationship) and all the other Avengers cant remember Bucky at all and its because someone who was wronged by the Winter Solider went back in time and killed him before Steve found him in the 21st century. Thanks so much for all you do!
therandomravenclw and amethystkrystal sent in A Memory Like a Haunting by cobaltmoony, DarkCaustic (complete | 28,698 | M)
lindsey-of-north said:
I've been looking for a shrunkyclunks fic but can't seem to find it anywhere. Buckyhas some kind of respitory issue from his military days and works restoring books and things. Antiques? Steve is Captain America, and they meet during/soon after the events of the first Avengers movie. Bucky has to wear a special mask to filter dust, and Stark eventually makes him new ones that do the same thing, but better. Any help would be appreciated!
Anon sent in Patriotic Nitwits, Devious Carnies, and Other Complications of a New York Life by Pohadka (complete | 25,452 | T)
Anon 10 said:
Hi, I'm looking for this one fic that I read a long time ago, it's one where the avengers think Steve is being abused by Bucky and start acting strange around them, but Steve and Bucky think they found out their kinks or something like that. The main thing I remember from it is that there was no actual abuse in the fic, just misunderstandings
Anon sent in Just Let Us Kink In Peace by AliceAce14 (oneshot | 24,167 | E)
Anon 11 said:
Hello! I need help finding a fic that had Activist!Steve Rogers and I swear it mentions something called The Little Blue Book, which were small books on various topics published Haldeman-Julius Publishing Company until 1978. Thank you for any assistance you may offer!
princessniitza sent in All The Angels and The Saints by Speranza (complete | 48,740 | E)
Anon 12 said:
Maybe you guys could help me-- I remember a fic where Bucky was a siren and Steve was a human (later he shows up as a mermaid with no memory of Bucky) and he told Bucky that he shouldn't be ashamed of himself because "Mother Nature cares about him enough to give him the tools he needs to survive" or something like that. Thanks in advance for the help! I appreciate all the things your team does for the fandom! :)
Anon 13 said:
This is really vague but it's literally all I can remember, so if you can't find it it's totally fine. All that I can remember is that for some reason Bucky had to leave at Steve's house, (maybe he worked there? Idk) who is like super rich? Maybe he does something illegal? And like at the beginning Steve is kind of detached and cold towards Bucky so it takes a while for them to start a relationship. Natasha is there? This is the most vague shit ever, I'm sorry, but I can't get it out of my head
stevebuckythyla sent in Another Last Chance by eadunne2 (complete | 53,378 | E)
Anon 14 said:
hi! i remember reading a stucky fic (and i can’t really remember the premise, sorry :/ ) where i think bucky was like coming back to the tower? i’m pretty sure that HYDRA or some bad guys attacked and bucky wanted to protect Pepper (who still has her extremis powers) and i know he rips someone’s head off and everyone thinks it’s with the metal arm but he did it with the flesh one
rwedoneyet and whyaretheycalledpancakes sent in On My Radar* by sprinkle_of_cinnamon (oneshot | 19,564 | M) *graphic violence
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