#you make me wish i could disappear
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oh man oh man they're doing ascensionism on the us tour. i need to go lie under the coffee table with doggo now. right and play the album right.
ETA
youtube
#personal days#sleep token#ascensionism#of course they're going to do more of the new album silly#but it's so#ahhhhhh#Youtube#the people talking in the video background tho how??? when this song is going out live#diamonds in the trees pentagrams in the night sky baby#you make me wish i could disappear#don't send help#i die happy#as always#flashing lights
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Won't you come and dance in the dark with me?
Show me what you are, I am desperate to know
"Ascensionism," Sleep Token
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we haven’t talked for 3 days i think this is the end of me
#stop posting ur bereal. moments after me it’s making me crazy#you make me wish i could disappear#you make me dance#you make me feel
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Has anyone ever thought of the possibility of people in hisui getting a magazine from AFTER ingo and akari go home with either or both of them on it. Like they've already left and lo and behold in the tail end of the entire mess a magazine appears with one of them on the cover looking fresh stunning and most importantly happy. If it were Ingo i feel like he'd be all dressed up goth on the cover of like Vogue or something lmao (i don't think he wouldn't get famous if he wasn't already after coming home. Theyd want the publicity+cool extint Pokémon on the cover). If it were akari shed probably be like posing all badass like the badass teenager she is, scars in full view (she's a survivor!!!!!!). Inside is a little tidibit of their life after coming home. It would be both funny as hell to see them react to how they are in their element and like connect the dots for their strange behaviors AND bring closure to the people they left in hisui. They may never know this but the people in the past do
If anyone uses this idea tag me i may or may not read it but i want to know if you liked it enough to do something with it. I'll probably just keep daydreaming to myself about it lol
Edit: btw there's a whole section talking about everyone's battle prowess and the battle subway for the funnies. Just so you know
#ingo#ingo pokemon#subway boss ingo#submas ingo#pokemon ingo#warden ingo#akari#pokemon akari#akari pokemon#why do they have so may tags#anyway hello people this idea has plagued me mind enough for me to make a dramatic comeback to the tags#i will now disappear again for untold amounts of time#i wish i could be here#but my brain decided to do a funny and annhilate me with ten thousand ocd beams every time i see a smidge of content-#-that even vaguely implies angst. even in my mind lol (<-suffering from the horrors)(doing FAR *FAR* better than i was even just-#-a few months ago tho. just get the occasional panic moment. ig we cant have everything)#anyway goodbye gamers see you in five to ten business months#submas positivity#oh btw last thing emmet is def there with him#maybe not on the cover but in other photos inside of the magazine they all posed together#yes elesa also#i have such a clear view of this curse my undeveloped drawing abilities#jkjk im not being mean to myself lol im getting better#just imagine him on the cover posing with chandelure and sneasler and zoroark in the background and theyre all menacing#except him cause hes smiling so genuenly happy and like kind looking. something something ghosts don't have to be scary
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hey has anyone else noticed that the minotaur REACHES UP TOWARDS THE SKY DURING ITS DEATH ANIMATION because i'm really not okay about it
(disabled blood & gore to make it easier to see)
#ultrakill#minotaur#i realised this a while ago but only just bothered to record good footage of it and have yet to see another mention it#screams and cries and wails#i'm so sorry baby i wish i could show you the sky :[#i know this is sad but it comically disappearing with no gore explosion did make me giggle just a little bit
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You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.
But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?
because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)
#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting.#Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project.#peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance.#me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away.#take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me.#sci speaks#I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually.#all my relationships have been. pretty short.#and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t.#a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak.#but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing.#because I really don’t know.#I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days.#I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely.#I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time.#and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it.#it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything.#I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless.#but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no
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"These days I'm a circuit board", Vessel broken down to his bare essentials, like metadata, the ghosts of what he used to be that's long-since deleted, ported into a new image, a new program, half-algorithm to suit his other half, the deity that's shaped him into something new, something so much more yet so much less. when he starts to second guess himself his voice starts to hiss static and sizzle and crack - "did you not say we were made for each other?"
And when he becomes too stressed and overclocked he heats up to the point of shutting down entirely, spitting out warnings and errors and panicked readouts before he's forced to turn off and reset - "you have become the voice in my head / only recourse we're left after death".
Programmed by brute force into something that will follow Sleep's demands, but he's built entirely out of scrap parts, running on spaghetti code that will break apart at the slightest change and provocation and deletion, prompting further ugly patches, until the only thing that can save him is a complete rewrite, a full refactoring, something to untangle and remove the unneeded clutter and garbage code from his base, just like the rain that will cleanse him, a complete saturation.
A rebirth into something new.
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Ascensionism from the Albuquerque ritual
#sleep token#flashing#tw flashing#am obsessed#especially with the extra 'you make me wish i could disappear's
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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I would miss you if you disappeared 😭 You're one of the few people I feel safe talking to. I know I almost never message first (anybody), but that's cause of the same feelings I have like you, that others don't actually like me, just tolerate me, and I don't wanna annoy them with my presence. This mental state ruined quite a lot of friendships I had, but then again, I wouldn't distance myself if I didn't feel like I am overlooked / ignored in the friend group.
Anyways, back to yooouuu. I think you're very kind and funny and I love seeing you on my dash / on discord. When I'm writing fics I often think about you, wondering what your reaction would be to a specific scene / dialogue. Especially when I'm writing banters 😁 I also love your stories ✨ I am very behind on reading, but when I have some free time, I usually focus on writing in the last couple of months instead of reading, but I wanna catch up 😩
But you know Driver!Jake and RichGirl!Reader hold a special place in my heart 🥰
omggggggggg dolli 😭😭😭😭😭😭
the absolute LAST thing you are is a bother, bb. you are one of the kindest, loveliest people i've met here and i am so grateful to know you, i'm so sorry if i don't say it enough ❤️❤️❤️
#i wish i could hug you irl#pls accept this gif as a placeholder❤️#and fr i'm gonna make an effort on my end to initiate convos more#i am so bad at that mostly for the reasons you said#honestly kinda blushing to know you think of me while writing sometimes ngl lol#makes me feel way more important than i am lol 😆#and omg pls don't worry about reading my stuff i'm hella behind too#anyway#in case i didn't make it clear enough lol i'd miss you if you disappeared too. way more than i could ever express in words.#ily and i'm sorry if this is weird i just have a lot of feelings adlksdl;fk lmao#sending you all the hugs and blowing you kisses#byeeeeeeeeeeeee#dolli tag
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[closed]
#in the simplest terms#I've decided this just isn't for me anymore#I might come back at a later date to offer a more in-depth explanation#but every time I try to gather my thoughts on the page and detail my reasons for leaving it becomes overwhelming#at the very least I needed to make it known that my bigbang blogs on tumblr and twitter are now closed#I will not delete anything but I no longer wish to be an active participant in the fandom#or continue the conversation -- any conversation -- about bigbang and its members past or present#I could have quietly faded into the background#looking on from the sidelines largely disinterested and disengaged#as I have done for the last month or so while I silently prepared myself to finally fully let go#as a certain someone once said: I've already withdrawn#however#rather than disappear without a word I wanted to make it official -- and final#because I value closure#and I might have a few followers left who do too#to everyone who ever enjoyed the content of my blog. my work. my voice.#and especially to the few who stuck with me through thick and thin#thank you
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i went to bed right after finishing the epilogue but i am now awake and can put my silly little rant here
#pokemon sv dlc spoilers#pokemon scarlet and violet dlc spoilers#sv dlc spoilers#ok first of all NOT PENNY CALLING MY MOM HOT IN FRONT OF ME#EXCUSE ME????#glad to know penny is into milfs#anyways#it was soooo fun seeing how the three acted as house guests#nemonas the perfect house guest shes super polite and enthusiastic offering to help with stuff fantastic#penny is just vibing and having a good time#and arven is all stressed and anxious about being polite enough bestie calm down its fine#also YES nemona and kieran meeting#ive been wanting them to meet so bad this whole time#wish i could have gotten more nemona and carmine interactions#but ya this event was so silly goofy#oh and i sent out ogerpon in the battle against pecharunt and she reacted that was fun#around the time nemona disappeared i was freaking out bc right before in the remote finding conversation she wasnt saying anything#and i was like NEMONA?? ARE YOU OK?? bro whys she so quiet#i was surprised at first when kieran lost to nemona and by a lot#but ig it makes sense first of all nemonas probably gotten a lot stronger since we last fought her#especially now that she has a rival#and two kierans team is built for double battles#anyways that was fun!#my first class of the day was cancelled so ill be able to do stuff#i havent done anything after beating the story i just went to bed#weeeeee#back to scarleting the violet
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oh cool it's getting real bad again
#i just. i don't know anymore#i wish i mattered to anyone#i wish like. idk#i could disappear off the face of the planet and not one person would even fucking realize i was gone#that's how little impact i have on anything and it just. i fucking hate it#people just forget i even exist and it hurts so fucking much and it doesn't even matter! i don't matter!#and they just go on like i never was anything at all#and i'm the horrible one for caring. i'm the horrible one for being nice#i don't understand it and it makes me go insane like#i get it i'm the only person who has zero friends so like obviously i care too much#when you're popular you can afford not to care#and it's fine when i get upset because no one even fucking notices#makes me want to tear my hair out like what the fuck#what did i do wrong#and no one will answer#fucking no one ever answers
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Listening to Sleep Token: fun times! Silly dancing!
Trying to sing along to Sleep Token: screaming, crying, throwing up.
#very much so#the only time I cry to sleep token is if I try to sing along oof.#sleep token#for blacklist#my voice crack during ‘you make me wish I could disappear’ is something. none of you are allowed to hear it tho
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tfw one of your fav fics got added to a private/unrevealed collection so you can't view it anymore and you forgot to download it so you might never get to reread it again :(((
#eliot posts#why would you do that instead of orphaning it or making it anonymous??????#ughhh i always forget to download fics#at least it was just privated and not deleted so it might come back?#part of me wonders if it was actually an accident cuz sometimes how collections like that work can be confusing to authors#and i don't see the logic as to why someone would do that on purpose?#i wish i could ask why to get my curiosity satiated at least even if they don't end up making the fic public again#but i can't do that without like. commenting about it on one of their other fics. in a completely different fandom#and i'm not gonna do that cuz i reckon it'd just make the author real uncomfortable and i don't wanna do that#but like. it is gnawing at me nonetheless.#it appears to have only been privated for a week or two (after being available for several months prior)#so like hope is still very much there of it coming back#i once had a fic get straightup Deleted for months and the author disappear without a trace only for it to get reuploaded out of the blue#but yeah. reminder to dowload your fav fics! ao3 is not as permanent as you may think#god the fic was just. SUCH a good take on going no contact with an abusive parent and it delighted me to read#actually. i know it's a longshot but if any of my followers fastidiously download fics#do any of you have a copy of a toh fic called ''out of the blue'' abt amity and her family?#i would give you my firstborn for it#which means nothing considering i am not having any biological children but you know
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a short blurb about meitham inspired by @zhongrin's ebg + afterparty events! this isn't super long or detailed or anything since it's already been a few days since the idea first came to me, but i hope you enjoy it anyway <3
"haitham, do you think other worlds exist?"
alhaitham blinks once, twice, before lifting his eyes from the book he had been reading to look at you. you're a dream lying on his chaise, with your hair loose and freshly washed, slowly drying in the evening light. he notes the subtle droop in your eyes and the heavy tilt of your head, the way you seem to melt into the scrolled arm of the sofa. you're tired, but it's barely a quarter past seven. neither of you have even eaten yet. did you overwork yourself again?
"well," he begins with a card of his fingers through your hair, gently detangling the strands as he works to gather his thoughts. "given the nature of the world we live in, ignoring the possibility of such an existence would be foolish. i'm hard pressed to say yes to something i haven't seen with my own eyes, but the idea isn't something i'd completely disregard. does that answer your question, mei?"
in lieu of a coherent response, you give him an affirmative hum and close your eyes to the soothing motions of his fingers running through your hair. unease settles in alhaitham's gut the longer the silence between you, something normally so comforting, goes on and he feels compelled to continue the conversation. as loathe as he is to disturb your rest, something in the back of his mind urges him to keep you talking, to keep you awake.
"love," he calls right as he stops playing with your hair. he sits up properly and plants both feet on the ground to pull you up from your rest on the chaise's arm, settling you into an upright position at his side. his arm snakes around your waist and pulls you closer to him, like a subconscious effort at seeking comfort at the uncomfortable feelings rising from the base of his spine, and he leans down to nudge you awake. when your eyes flutter open and you grumble in soft protest, the muted worry subsides just a little.
"mei, it's too early for you to sleep. our dinner hasn't even finished cooking yet. it's not good to rest on an empty stomach," he explains with some force behind his voice in an effort to keep you awake. he considers pinching you a little before completely ignoring the idea in favor of something else. "do you want some coffee? maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential to a comfortable life, love. if your work is proving to be too much, i am more than willing to—"
"i think... i think i want to travel. to those other worlds, i mean. i think it will be fun."
alhaitham's jaw snaps shut.
once again, that damned silence returns and he finds himself at war with worry and fear. why are you talking like this? what do you mean you want to travel to another world? is this one not enough? is he not enough? wasn't your question just a hypothetical, just one of the many you like to throw his way?
where is this all coming from, and why does he feel so cold?
"mei," and it's all he can say, all he can do, to hold you and beg in a way that's not begging. "mei, my love, i don't... i don't mind if you want to travel."
the words taste like poison in his mouth, thick and bitter and so so unpleasant that he can't help the displeased twitch of his lips once he grinds the last syllable out.
"i'd never cage or chain you down," he soothes when your brows furrow at his words, "if you wish to see new sights and learn new things, then by all means, go ahead. i'll arrange for any preparations you need, and you know my mora is yours to use. all i ask is that you take me with you."
don't go where i cannot follow, alhaitham pleads with words unsaid, orange-teal eyes blurring at the edges with strange black lines. don't leave me without your warmth.
you don't reply, and a numbing cold trickles down the acting grand sage's spine when he realizes that you've fallen asleep. he feels the beginnings of a headache coming on, quiet whispers and flashes of colors he can't decipher slowly growing in volume past the deafening beat of his heart. he's only ever felt this a handful of times before in his life, but never to this degree.
you're sleeping. just sleeping, as you do every night in the comfort of his arms.
so why does he feel like his heart has turned to sand slipping through your loose fingers?
#miyo.muses#miyo.delivery#alhaitham.togo#takeout for: rin !#i wrote this in one go bc the idea was disappearing and i needed to write it down Fast#this is so messy oml im not sure if i got all the points i wanted to make across#but i hope its somewhat readable#aaaa i wish i couldve worded some things better but my brain is conked out and this is the best i could do </3#ik its super short but i hope u enjoy it anyway!!#zhongrin is cute sure but meitham is very precious 2 Me#alhaitham deserves the spotlight too#edit: OK I POSTED IT W/O DOUBLE CHECKING FIRST#IF YOU SAW IT WITH THE FIRST DRAFT STILL THERE IN THE BEGINNING#NO THE HELL YOU DIDNT QHWDDYUWD#this is so scuffed lmao its obvious i havent gotten any sleep#ahahaha the things i do to appease my brain#its hard out here man
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