#you don't understand I'm basically the exact opposite of an open book
Text
ᴇxᴀᴍ - ᴍᴀᴛᴛ ꜱᴛᴜʀɴɪᴏʟᴏ
summary: you're mind is clouded with stress due to the fact your final highschool exams are next week. matt comes over to help you with studying, and also to take your mind off everything.
contains: smut, fluff, small age gap?, swearing, crying.
—--------------------≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫-----------------——
matt and i have known each other since he was 13 and i was 11, our families have been super close for around 7 years. a year ago Matt confessed to me, I felt the exact same.
"oh my fucking god." i groan, throwing my head into my hands as i feel a burning sensation at the back of my throat.
its my final exam week starting tomorrow, and i'm attempting to catch up on last minute homework beforehand. matt graduated 2 years ago, he was top of his class, i pick up my phone and dial his number.
i need desperate help.
"hey!" matt says into the phone, a smile clear by his voice.
i sniffle quickly before starting "please come over nothing is making sense." my voice wobbles as i clutch the phone in my hand.
"oh fuck-.. no yeah ill be round in 5 minutes okay?" he says gently into the phone.
i nod like he can see me, then hang up.
-
i hear my bedroom door opening, my head snaps up to look at him from my bed. hes got worry painted across his face as i see his eyes dart over my matress, which has several books on it. "you okay?" he asks, walking over to my bed and sitting down on it opposite me.
i shake my head "i can't do this shit" i groan, matt nods understandably before grabbing my hands and pulling them away from my face.
"look at me" he says in a serious tone, i tilt my head up and lock eyes with him. "i'm gonna help you okay?"
"thank you," i say as my voice breaks.
he sits up and walks over by my side before plopping down on the bed next to me, he grabs the textbook which has around 15 questions left on it. "not even ai understands it, i tried." i sigh earning a laugh from matt, i lean my head on his shoulder.
"basic algebra, you know this, i know you do sweetheart."
i shake my head "my brains so fucking foggy i bet you i couldnt do a 6th grade multiplication table right now."
"foggy like how" he questions, tilting his head.
"just everything i have so much on my mind." i reply lifting my head off his shoulder and staring at the questions.
"you're okay, look- 'factorising an algebraic equation means writing the expression as product of factors, which are simpler algebraic expressions, this is done..." the rest of what matt says doesnt get through to me, i cant physically wrap my mind around it right now.
i feel my eyes start to water before several tears start to flow down my cheeks, "got it?" matt asks, keeping his eyes fixated on the page resting on the sheets. i stay silent "hello?" he says again, this time looking over at me.
"oh god- no no don't cry" matt panics, grabbing my cheeks and giving me a gentle kiss.
"i can't think." i squeeze out, matt wraps around me. "this might not sound like good timing but, i can.. help you?" he says nervously, grimacing slightly.
i hand him the pencil, his words not passing through. "no no, like i can take your mind off of the work for a little bit" he repeats.
realisation hits me and my eyebrows raise, my head snapping round to look at matt who has an innocent expression plastered on his face. i nod, and without another word my shirt is halfway across the room.
he laughs quietly, his shirt meeting mine in the corner of the room. his chain lays loose on his bare chest. he stands up off the bed, i lie back. "i want you to just be a... - like a uh" my eyebrows scrunch "a what?"
"i hate the word but its the best way i can describe it." matt chuckles, "say it!" i smile
"pillow princess..?" he says quietly, icking himself out.
"okay" i shake my head with a wide grin before.
matts long cold fingers reach out to grab the waistband of my sweatpants, sending goosebumps down my body. he tugs at it gently, letting it slide down my legs.
"you okay?" he asks while unclasping his belt "i think?" i reply stupidly.
he nods, his tongue sticking out to wet his now dry lips. his baggy jeans pool at his ankles, leaving him in his boxers.
"ready?"
i nod, "yep-..yeah"
he stands between my legs before hovering over me, colliding our lips together aggressively.
it never fails to shock me how he can switch from so innocent to so.. different.
i moan lightly into the kiss as i feel his clothed bulge against my inner thigh. he abrubtly pulls away from the kiss pecking kisses down my neck, to my chest, to my stomach.
i squirm desperately on the bed as he pauses just above my clit.
"more." i whine, matt shakes his head, lifting his head up and grabbing my thighs he spreads them further apart.
i throw my head back "fuck." i breathe, before i can breath again matts tip presses against my clit. i instantly look up, questioning how hes just undressed the rest of the way in under a second.
he runs his soft tip through my folds, he presses only an inch or 2 inside of me before he pulls out, continuing to tease me.
"matt i need you." i groan, my back arching off the bed.
"can you get on fours for me sweetheart?" he asks softly, i nod, instantly flipping over and arching my back.
"good girl." he coos, lining himself up with me. "gonna keep being whiny?" he asks, i shake my head no. "thats right." he says.
"this is whats gonna happen okay? you aren't gonna start asking me to slow down because i think we both know how needy you were just acting."
fuck.
i dont think a single sentence has ever turned me on more.
i nod frantically, matt presses down on my back, arching my back more.
i feel him slide halfway inside of me slowly before slamming the rest of his length into me, earning a squeal from me.
before i can even process my thoughts hes slamming full force into me, deeper and deeper each time. my moans cloud the room along with heavy breaths coming from matt.
his tip continues to bruise my cervix, i clench around him each time it does.
"fuck-.." i hear matt whimper lowly from behind me.
he reaches a hand round under me and presses on my lower stomach.
hes never done that before, but holy fuck am i glad he did.
i instantly release over matts cock, clenching harshly around him with a scream.
matt pulls out, releasing over my back.
"you-you okay?" he stammers breathlessly, flopping down beside me.
i nod, my mind fully blank.
i guess him 'helping clear my head' worked.
-
matt finishes redressing me before sitting back down next to me, the air around us is hot and thick, but matts still determened to get this homework done.
"okay- so as i was saying factorising an algebraic equation means writing the expression as product of factors...
-
matt and i have been working through the textbook for about 20 minutes, everything makes sense and now i can't understand what i wasnt understanding earlier.
"you try this one okay?" matt hands me the pencil and i start to scribble down the awnsers. "you got it!" he smiles proudly, kissing my cheek.
i yawn, tired out from.. everything.
"you tired?" he asks, wrapping him arms around me and flopping down on the mattress. "very." i reply, my voice croaky.
"you wanna sleep, we can finish this tomorrow morning okay? and ill just drop you off at school or whatever." he asks, without another word im fast asleep on his chest.
1:24am
i wake up to the sound of pencil scribbling on paper, confused i sit up. matts sitting criss cross on the bed, leaning down over my textbook and filling in all the awnsers.
"matt?" i groan, rubbing my eyes.
"go back to sleep gorgeous," he replys, looking back at me
"what are you doing.." i ask, my eyes adjusting to the light.
"im doing this for you, you already know how to do it, i saw you. you're gonna be too tired to do this in the morning." he says.
i crawl over to matt and smother him in kisses "maattt, thats adorable."
"shush, this is a one time thing." he replys, shaking his head with a smirk.
--------------------
#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#nick sturniolo#sturniolo#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo
961 notes
·
View notes
Text
CUPID’S CONFLICT — eight ; i see what’s happening
as the man behind cupid's corner, jungwon is responsible for getting majority of the couples at decelis together (namely, riki and his girlfriend.) but there's one person that always gets in the way of half of the couples that jungwon sets up together — you. you are the polar opposite of yang jungwon, affectionately called "evil cupid" by your friends, as you have the unfortunate ability to break any couple up within a couple of weeks just by taking a picture with them. it's not intentional, you tell jungwon. what's also not intentional, is when jungwon finds himself crushing on you.
“Have fun on your date,” Rei says to you, watching as you shove your books into a tote bag. “I’m going to work on a project.”
“Project, date, same thing. Take lots of cute pictures of Maeumi for me. ” Wonyoung says, and you roll your eyes. “We're actually going to be working. It's not a date.”
“Don’t get distracted, by his… face?” Wonyoung replies, and you give her a weird look. “What? You guys would be cute together.”
Yes, he’s good looking, and basically your exact type, but you don’t really know Jungwon well. Plus, you’re pretty sure he isn’t really fond of you.
You take the train to Jungwon's, and it's not too far away from Decelis. You don't know why he doesn't choose to stay at home instead of the dorms since he doesn't live too far. When you stand in front of the lift, waiting for those elevator doors to open, you suddenly find yourself feeling a little nervous.
You press the button to the 9th floor, watching as the doors close. It's just a project. You're not nervous. The doors open, and you step out of the lift. Jungwon says he lives in apartment 9B, and as you approach the door, you hear the sound of a dog barking.
You assume that's Maeumi.
Jungwon opens the door, wearing a plain white t-shirt and sweatpants. "Hey," he says, opening the door wider to let you in. You take your shoes off, leaving them near the entrance. "Maeumi gets really excited when he meets new people." Jungwon adds as he watches Maeumi jumping up on your leg to greet you.
"Ah," you say, smiling. "That's very cute."
"Come in," he says, and you walk into his apartment, Maeumi trailing behind you. It's very clean, and Jungwon's placed his laptops and books on his dining table. "You can just put your bag on that chair," he says, sitting down at the table.
You slide into the seat next to him, taking your own laptop out. "So... where are your parents?"
"They're working. They're a bit busy this week, so I've kinda got a lot of time for myself."
"Oh, I see." you say. It's a little awkward, with it just being you and Jungwon. In his apartment.
"So... should we start working on this?" he asks, and you nod. He opens his laptop, creating a new slideshow and sharing it with you. "We've just got to create a presentation about this poem... and analyse it. Then share it with the class. Super simple,"
"I think we can finish it in 20 minutes. I mean, we did do a lot of preparation in class - we kinda just have to type everything out now."
You find that you work well with Jungwon. He's easy to share your ideas with, and even when you find that you can't exactly find the right words to use to get your points across, he understands what you mean. The nervousness you felt before fades away, and you start to think that you were just overthinking everything, especially when it came to you thinking that Jungwon hated you.
The project's finished in less than 20 minutes, much to your surprise. "Do you wanna grab lunch?" Jungwon asks you, and you shrug. "Sure. Are we going to go outside?"
Jungwon walks towards the window, pushing the curtain aside. "Ah, it's raining. I'll just order takeout. Are you okay with fried chicken?"
You nod. "I'm not a picky eater. Order whatever you like."
You get up from your chair, making your way over to Maeumi. You sit down on the floor, away from the carpet (because you've seen Jungwon's tweets about Maeumi shitting on the carpet), and the dog comes up to you, and you give him a head pat.
You play with Maeumi for a bit, picking him up and settling him in your lap while Jungwon orders the food. "He likes you," Jungwon says, placing his phone on the table.
"Does he?" you ask, ruffling Maeumi's fur.
"Yeah, he does. Give me a second, I'm just going to get Maeumi some treats." he says, before disappearing into the kitchen. He returns with a container of dog treats, and he sits down beside you.
Jungwon takes one of the treats out, feeding it to Maeumi. "He's so cute." you say, and Jungwon smiles.
Jungwon's opinion of you has changed very quickly over the past few days. He supposes that it was a shitty thing to do, to hate you over the fact that you had broken up a lot of couples at the school unintentionally. He guesses that he takes his role as Cupid a little too seriously.
You're very nice. So nice to the point that Jungwon feels terrible for being mean to you on his private Twitter account.
Suddenly, Jungwon hears the door unlock. He furrows his eyebrows - his parents aren't supposed to be at home until 9pm. It's only 3pm, and he doesn't think he's expecting anyone to swing by.
The voice of Kim Sunoo rings out, and the boy stops in his tracks when he sees that you're in Jungwon's house. "Jungwon, Riki wanted to know if you're free- oh! I see what's happening."
"Hi, (Name)." Sunoo says, a smirk on his lips. "Hi, Sunoo. Nice to see you," you reply, still giving Maeumi head pats.
"What are you doing here?" Jungwon asks. "Riki sent me to see if you were free, since I know the password to unlock your door. But, I'll just tell him that you're not available." Sunoo says, wiggling his eyebrows at Jungwon.
Sunoo's going to tell everyone in their friend group. And now everyone will think that you two are a thing.
"Have fun on your date," Sunoo whispers to Jungwon, who elbows him. "It's not a date." Jungwon whispers back.
"Sure it isn't. Bye (Name)! See you tomorrow!" Sunoo says, waving at you. You bid farewell to him too, and before he leaves, Sunoo whispers one thing to Jungwon.
"Don't fall in love."
"I won't," Jungwon replies.
Jungwon doesn't know it yet, but he is very, very wrong.
eight －i see what's happening!
previous ☆ next ♡ masterlist
author's note. first written chap of the series !! my entire body hurts cuz of badminton #lovemysport
CUPID'S CONFLICT! a jungwon smau.
genre: smau, crack, fluff
pairing: non-idol! jungwon x non-idol! reader
warnings: swearing, ignore timestamps
taglist is CLOSED!
#kflixnet#k labels#enhanet#enhypen smau#enhypen imagines#enhypen fluff#enhypen au#enhypen scenarios#enhypen x reader#enhypen angst#jungwon smau#jungwon imagines#jungwon fluff#jungwon au#jungwon scenarios#jungwon x reader#jungwon angst
806 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bread's Game Of The Year Honorable Mention #5: Diablo 4 And Spider-Man 2
I couldn't decide on which of these two games crack the very end of my top ten of the year list, because both games are very good, but also very safe. Diablo 4 doesn't take many risks in its design, despite its much vaunted transformation of Diablo into a fully fledged modern live service game. Spider-Man 2, meanwhile, is bombast and honed design, but it's a lot of the same stuff we've already seen in the other two games from this franchise.
To be clear, I'm lambasting neither of these games, nor would I ever call either of them bad. Quite the opposite, both of these games do the thing they set out to very well. Spider-Man may be the exact open world action adventure game we thought it would be, but it's the ideal version of such a thing. Diablo 4 may take almost no risks in it's basic design and understanding of what the Diablo franchise is, but what the Diablo franchise is, is rock solid ARPG gameplay and endless new ways to make bad guys explode into multi-colored loot.
Spider-Man 2's only real issue, at least in my eyes, is its very predictable story. I'm a comic book fan, and a big fan of Spider-Man in general, so the Black Suit/Venom storyline is so old hat at this point, that adding in the ability to play it in video game form...doesn't really add all that much. Still, that storyline does bring with it a lot of gameplay fun. the symbiotic powers you gain open up a lot of fun new avenues to feel powerful in the games many combat scenarios. Even if the story is predictable, it doesn't make the performances bad, or the characters any less endearing. Miles' half of the story, in particular is a shining bright spot. Not to mention, Spider-Man 2 puts a wise focus on some very good side content, to really round out the experience.
Diablo 4 is a great entry in the franchise, to be clear, but I still find it to be a bit of a regression. While the gameplay in general is rock solid, there are bits of it that bother me. Chief among them, an extremely obvious driving desire to return to the dark, dour and horror influenced tone of the first two Diablo games. Say what you will about Diablo 3, I never had any problem with its brighter color palette, more adventurous tone, and better sense of fun. I don't need everything in Diablo to be about how miserable life is in Sanctuary. Thankfully, as I said prior, the gameplay itself mostly maintains Diablo 3's power trip gameplay that makes up for so many fun moments. A much wider net is cast in terms of skills and specialization, allowing a far more free form character creation than could be had in Diablo 3. That brings with it flaws, but it also brings a lot of good player choice, so it's hard to really complain all that much.
Both Spider-Man 2 and Diablo 4 are flawed games in my eyes, but when I say "Flawed" I mostly just mean that they don't quite stand up to the absurd flow of high quality releases we otherwise got this year. I really enjoyed my time with both of these games, even if they don't leave a long lasting impression on me for the years to come. That's worth something, recognition at the very least.
#video games#bread's game journal#funny#pc gaming#game journal#video game#diablo 4#spider-man 2#goty#got 2023#ps5#playstation#xbox#xbox series x#blizzard#sony#insomniac
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thanks for tagging me @i-do-know-and-idc!! I actually love these questions so I am going to go weirdly into detail on some of these, sorry in advance!
1. name/nickname: okay I put “Ker” in my description which is *Cas voice* a shortened version of my name. It’s also an actual name that means “from the bog” which I think is GREAT
2. gender: female
3. star sign: Aquarius (astrology for fun only)
4. height: 186cm (6′1) YES I AM TALL
5. time: 7:16PM but I might take ages to finish this
6. birthday: Feb. 7th
7. favourite bands/groups: Not a massive music stan but some of my top bands on spotify are Linkin Park, Heaven Shall Burn, System of a Down and Red Hot Chili Peppers
8. favourite solo artist: can I say Britney Spears....? edit: the only reason she’s so high up in my spotify analytics is because I listen to “Work Bitch” on repeat whenever I really need to get something done at approximately 2AM
9. song stuck in my head: The Name Game (which I think I heard in a tiktok compilation at some point today?)
10. last movie: Hi. I never watch movies apparently.
11. last show: ...s*pernatural. Still.
12. when did i create this blog: June 2017 (I didn’t post between Oct. 2017 and Nov. 2020 but I was lurking the entire time) my old blog? July 2013 🤦♀️
13. what do i post: stuff I like, which is mostly things that look nice, are funny, related to spn or related to star trek (OR all of the above!)
14. last thing i googled: tombstone (to figure out the season and episode number of the spn episode)
15. other blogs: @hells-deadeye for the occasional... sepia/desert/abandoned aesthetic?
16. do i get asks: very very rarely
17. why i chose my url: interesting story! At some point last year I noticed my first name is pronounced exactly like the phrase “cursed in” which I think is awesome. The seagull part because I lived close to the coast for a few years and actually LIKE seagulls (controversial, I know) And “cursed seagull” as a whole reminds me of the laughing seagull meme which I also like :)
18. following: 167
19. followers: tumblr 🤝 hidden follower count (not that many)
20. average hours of sleep: it’s probably close to 8 (with a range of 0 - 10...)
21. lucky number: don’t have one! But since you asked: 6.022x10²³
22. instruments: I used to play the clarinet and I used to technically be a band kid... (but I hated it...)
23. what am i wearing: my running outfit minus the shoes
24. dream job: ever since I saw a job listing for a scientist in a research station in Antarctica, THAT
25. dream trip: I definitely want to see the Northern lights at some point, so maybe Norway?
26. favourite food: I’ll answer this like “if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be” because that’s very easy for me: o a t s
27. nationality: german
28. favourite song: I really like Aerosmith - Dream On
29. last book i read: Charles Stross and Cory Doctorow - The Rapture of the Nerds
30. top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: I’ve never really thought about this but uhhh Jurassic Park (if I can visit the park and it’s functioning), Harry Potter universe (let’s be real), and just for the hell of it The Magic School Bus
Tagging (but definitely no pressure!) @spoiledxdirt @onefuckupfromdisaster @melly-the-crazy-coconut @wildmage7 @thatnormalcrazygirl @46larstar aaaand you know the drill, anyone else feel free to do this as well :)
36 notes
·
View notes
Note
You ever worry about hearing one side of a story that's been taken out of context and twisted to fit op's narrative, about something you don't have firsthand knowledge about? On tumblr this is a fear I have. Imagine if I'm in some isolated corner learning half truths about some real person who op has personal vendetta against, but I only know their version so I end up hating that person's guts for years? Some isolated Tim fan hating Dick because they only know him through lies?
Yeah, this is an understandable concern to have, especially on tumblr where misinformation can run rampant at times - it happens with everything from fictional characters, celebrities, other posters, etc.
Personally, I tend to go with the ‘trust but verify’ approach. You hear something about someone from a friend, or you see something reblogged from a person you’ve followed for years.....looking into the situation they described yourself, as much as you can, doesn’t necessarily mean that you think they’re lying about it, its just....context is SO SO key, to so many different conversations.
And the thing about context, especially situational context, is its only defined by our personal experiences, thoughts and worldview. Basically I just mean the context for some hearsay you’ve heard secondhand could look totally different to you than it does to someone else, because the context is really just your own personal frame of reference to whatever was said or happened. Its how it looks to you from a perspective or angle you’re already at or are familiar with.
So someone can describe a situation to you but have a totally different interpretation than you get when looking into it yourself, and there doesn’t have to be malicious intent involved for that to happen......the exact same dot on the horizon is going to look different to two different people who are viewing it from different angles, y’know? Where we’re coming from or standing at when we look at a situation often has as much to do with how we interpret it, as the facts of the situation itself.
Which means there’s no real easy answer to a problem like this, because it varies so much from person to person....but the one thing I think can always be said to be true of everyone no matter the situation.......its FAR more beneficial to get more familiar with asking questions than accepting answers.
Questions, after all, whether voiced to someone else or just to ourselves as our reason for looking deeper into a matter.....are ultimately just a request for more information. And a different perspective.....one that DOESN’T come naturally to you, and thus you have to hear from someone else to even kinda conceptualize it because its far enough out of your personal frame of reference you wouldn’t connect those dots without an objective viewpoint unhindered by your own natural biases to kinda....point you to where to look.....
I’m just saying, different perspectives ARE more information. Often the most valuable or relevant information out there.
So ultimately my advice for pretty much every situation similar to what you’re describing is.....making it more natural to you to ask questions about stuff, request MORE information before making up your OWN mind, than just...accepting one single perspective the first time you see it and assuming it knows what its talking about because of the sole fact that you haven’t seen or heard a contrary viewpoint.
Because that doesn’t mean they aren’t out there....just that the person delivering their version of the facts to you isn’t likely to provide them, and if nobody else is stepping up in your vicinity to provide an alternative viewpoint......that just means you might have to go looking for it.
Personally, I’m of the opinion that exposing yourself to viewpoints even radically opposite what you initially believe on a subject is a good thing, because then you have two different ends of a spectrum you can compare and contrast at MULTIPLE points to see just where on that spectrum you and your frame of reference land, the spot that once you look back and forth, you think is most supported by facts rather than conjecture or opinion or bias.
(Note: this does NOT by any means mean that that point is always going to be in the center of two opinions. Not every subject has a middle ground or SHOULD have a middle ground. There’s absolutely no reason you shouldn’t end up landing on one of the two most polarizing viewpoints on that spectrum of possible interpretations, if that’s the one you ultimately feel is right. A LOT of people default to assuming that the most reasonable position is somewhere in the middle of two extremes, but that’s like.....not at all innately true. Given that the very nature of things being EXTREMES, as in, the outermost edge of interpretations or possibilities......literally means its entirely possible that one of those extremes is EXTREMELY BAD. And there is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by seeking a compromise or a middle ground between something EXTREMELY BAD and its polar opposite position....especially if you’re really only taking that middle ground because you’re afraid that taking the polar opposite stance will make you seem as unreasonable and single-minded as those taking the extremely bad position.)
*Shrugs*
Anyway, that’s my take on any situation that’s relevant to your broader question.
1) Ask more questions whenever possible (This doesn’t mean treat whoever brought something to your attention as your personal Ask Jeeves and act like that means they owe it to you to perform the functions of a search engine now. It literally just means ask more questions.....of the internet, of library books, of yourself and your personal sense of right and wrong and your own convictions....or of people you seek out when looking for other people who are already offering up their viewpoints on a matter as a resource).
2) Seek out opposing viewpoints (How can you truly know where you stand on a matter if you’re so uninformed on it you don’t even know what the opposition to that stance thinks and believes? How do you fight for something you’ve decided is a worthy cause to fight for, if you have zero clue what it is you’ve committed yourself to fighting against? You don’t - which is how we so often end up with people paying lip service to the idea of being allies, but then are nowhere to be found when the opposing viewpoint DOES come banging on the door).
3) Make up your own mind on matters and STAND by your convictions....while at the same time not cutting yourself off from being open to changing your mind if NEW information later comes to light. (This isn’t an easy tightrope to walk, but hey, who the fuck ever promised that being your own person was easy, y’know? But basically by this I just mean......don’t pattern your opinion or view on something by osmosis. Don’t just soak in and regurgitate what everyone around you is saying. Going against the grain on something, taking a stance that’s ‘controversial’ even in your friend group, like yeah that can be scary, but who’s to say there aren’t others around you who also hold that stance but are just too afraid to speak out on the matter for the same reasons you’re hesitating.
Sometimes standing by your convictions means you end up standing alone and that can SUCK. But on the flipside, even when you’re the lone person standing there offering up a viewpoint different from everyone else in the vicinity....it can make it a lot easier for other people who hold similar views to SEE you and head in your direction, reach out and connect, allowing you to end up in groups and social circles where the others’ opinions are more in line with what you TRULY believe and feel and stand for.
Sometimes standing by your convictions means you can end up enacting a sea change.....if everyone is secretly holding a stance different from what’s being spoken aloud, just because they’re all afraid of being singled out as ‘against the group’......isn’t it a waste to think of all the HONEST conversations you could all have been having amongst each other the whole time if only someone had gone first, spoken up to say the things that everyone else had already been thinking? There’s no reason you can’t be that first.
And lastly, and most importantly IMO....sometimes standing by your convictions means you’re still just flat out wrong. *Shrugs* Sucks, but its a reality we all have to face. Being super passionate and sure you’re right about something isn’t actually a GUARANTEE that you’re right....
buuuuuuuut.....as long as you keep that in mind, keep being self-aware about that last bit, that ‘hey self, just FYI, I know you’re going superhard for this viewpoint right now, but just remember, we might end up eating a lot of fucking crow because we’re not actually omniscient and could have gotten this one wrong’.....
And then you COMBINE that awareness with a HABIT of always asking questions when first becoming aware of a new topic or situation, of making a note to self to get more information, more PERSPECTIVES, like.....building up that tendency like its a muscle you’re exercising, the more you do it, the easier it becomes, the more natural and ingrained.....
And then add to that just....not being afraid to test or challenge your OWN convictions or viewpoints once you think you’ve settled on one....being willing to pit your stance against even its extreme opposite and see if it actually holds up the way you think it does, or if the other side of things has points that can actually poke holes in what you had previously assumed was pretty solid....
Like, again, there’s no guarantees, nobody’s infallible, everyone gets SOMETHING wrong at some point in their lives and there’s no shame in that unless your reaction to that is to just double down on something you now know is wrong just because change is scary and the unknown intimidates you......
With all that said, personally, I still think that combination (ask a lot of questions, challenge your own convictions, and make up your own mind rather than just settle for whatever mindset seems ‘closest’).....like, IMO, keeping consistent with those three actions just as a general approach to things will serve you MUCH better in life than just taking the first thing you see or hear about a subject that’s new to you and assuming it to be true just because that’s the only view that was offered to you upfront.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
久しぶりでしょうね？ Let's catch up.
I haven't been diligently studying Japanese due to... just life. Some unavoidable things happened and I had to live through the nightmare. It's all right now. I think. I'm here to update you about how miserable it's been trying to catch up with what I've missed and maybe talk about the time I spoke to JO1's Sho who can speak English and I wanted to make an effort to speak to him in Japanese but failed (without sounding like a twat who's showing off).
Continue reading under the cut.
Note: I barely edited it, so if it sounds out of place, or my Japanese sounds awkward... tough luck, I'm probably not going to edit it.
1. Wanikani update
レベル１０に入ってでした。正直は、まだレベル9ですね。This thing levels up as soon as you learn everything there is on the level you formerly in, without taking into account if you have complete at least a round of revision on the last thing that you've learned (they call it 'review' on WK).
The SRS thing is proven to be the best method to recall phrases and kanji. I'm paying for Wanikani (okay, the thing is good. I like it) and have Anki installed and haven't reviewed anything since I created my decks. But it works alright. I may have the worst memory/information-retaining brain and it might've taken me forever to recall what 予 is (it's beforehand, apparently), but I can still remember the ones I've learned the longest; basically from levels 1-4. (I'm learning 予 in the latest level, that is level 9. I'm still suffering turbulence here.)
I haven't seen my stats. Let's have a look, shall we?
I live by the words 'it could've been worse.'
My percentages used to be at least in the 90% across the board, but I just jumped straight into reviewing and clearing over 900 radicals, kanji, and vocabulary without revising, hence why I've done terribly and now it's bringing my stats down.
Radicals
I can't believe I fucked up my radicals. They were supposed to be the easiest. I have no words.
If you need a single tip to start learning kanji, you can start by learning its components, and that is the radicals. It'd be easier for you to create stories for mnemonics. Other than that, try Heisig's Remembering the Kanji.
Kanji
I am aware I could've done better at this, but kanji itself is just confusing. It's sometimes easy to predict some of the words, like ち that's used for earth or soil (地) and pond (池)--and not to mention the difference is just the radicals soil and tsunami--but I deduced that some aspects of nature fall under the ち umbrella.
And then there are devils like 他 and 地. Ugh. I'm going to leave it here.
Vocabulary
I know what the word 交じる stands for, and then you have 交わる which is thrown into the mix just to confuse me, and that just pisses me off every damn time.
I honestly know the meaning better than the pronunciation... which is dumb because if I were to speak in Japanese, I'm supposed to say the words majiru or majiwaru, not to be mixed or to intersect.
One thing about WK: you might understand the meaning differently. For example, they may offer the word substitution, but I would think of another word, replacement. Unless you input the word 'replacement' into the system, it would still be wrong in your reviews, and you're expected to remember substitution instead. And as an ESL, well, sometimes I'm just expected to drill the word substitution into my brain. I barely use the word daily anyway. So, you're expected to do extra work in order to learn, which is not a bad thing, but it can be annoying sometimes.
To recap, I don't do terribly despite not doing WK for a few months, but I could've done better. It's still in the okay territory, but I'll do my best to improve my reading skills and expand my lexicon.
What's next? I still have to clear up 92 lessons which include the level 9 that I've yet to cover and the entirety of level 10. On top of that, the tens and hundreds of reviews need to be cleared out daily... it's still going to be a rigorous routine when it comes to this one.
2. Grammar (and Reading)
In order not to spend my own money on learning materials, I persuaded my mum to get me みんなの日本語 (MNN); both workbook and notes for Level 1, and I chipped in with my Kinokuniya discount card. Yes, I am 26, but my finances haven't been the greatest as of late, so if anyone needs to hire a writer/social media manager, please send me a DM.
I digressed. Anyway, I've reached the 4th chapter, and it's been great so far! The workbook is completely in Japanese, and as someone who can read hiragana, and to some extent, katakana, it's definitely a great book that helps me improve my reading skills. I wish WK and MNN were at least streamlined because the kanji on WK has the tendency to be more scattered due to the complexity of certain kanji despite them being N5-N4 kanji.
[I edited out a paragraph on Kanji levels and complexities but would like to highlight the inconsistencies in the kanji levels that's shared on the Internet, including in WK. I suppose you will never find the one true answer as to which level does 傘 (umbrella) belongs to: is it N5 per stated in Jisho, or is it N1 as stated in WK? I guess you will never know...)
I prefer MNN over Genki as Genki explains points in English and annotates translation/furigana as bright as day underneath the Japanese texts. As a high-functioning English/romaji reader, my brain isn't doing the hard word; it's just reading the English and romaji. MNN forces me to read in Japanese and makes me translate the sentences on my own, so I am actively learning from the activity. Whilst it has a separate book that explains the chapters in English, I find it very helpful for me to immerse myself in Japanese then flip through the English version of the book just to see how well I understand the lesson. I would suggest Genki for absolute beginners and MNN for those who are in the lower-intermediate level.
I've been reading JO1's mails and articles related to them with varying degree of successes. The shorter ones are simpler and more manageable, but reading longer ones make me quit halfway. I should be reading more so it'd be easier for me to recognise the ones I've yet to learn and strengthening those I've learned.
3. Active learning (Speaking, Listening and Writing)
I've tried to speak in Japanese to myself, and it's mostly え、なんだろう今。。。、ヤッバ、マジ？、いいですね！、ほんまに？ and the latter being 'really?' in Kansai dialect (関西弁), thanks to half of the members of JO1. Since I'm learning 'textbook', formal Japanese, I'm still finding it extremely difficult to communicate in vernacular/colloquial Japanese. Not that I'm familiar with 敬語 (keigo/honorific language) either, just trying to fit the よ, ね, です, します, ません et cetera have racked my brain and I'm at the precipice of trying not to lose my mind. Perhaps, if I tried harder, I'd be able to use it comfortably. But for now, please let me suffer from my stupidity.
Since I wanted to 'try harder', I'm currently going through Making Out in Japanese (it sounds crude, but so far it's been very mild and helpful)
I haven't been writing in Japanese, which is horrible, because what's the use of reading when you can't write. I tried making my own flashcards which ended up taking too much time so I turned to digitalised SRS instead, which can be both annoying and unhelpful sometimes. I'm not a fan of learning through the screen as it takes too much space on the table and plays a part as my focus destroyer. But I can't complain as these devices do make things infinite times easier for me.
For the past couple of weeks, I've interacted with more Japanese JAMs (that's what JO1 decided to christen their fans) and have made the effort to type in Japanese, albeit broken Japanese. I employed my brain, Jisho and the untrusting Papago and Google Translate (the translation sites merely help me check if my sentences make any sense). I bet they're reading my tweets and messages thinking, 'What the fuck is this person on about?' Well, I don't know either.
And here comes the horrible part.
I won yonton (용통 in Korean, basically a video call) and had the chance to speak to the JO1's leader. Which is awesome, yes? I had a week to prepare and that particular week leading up to the event had given me multiple heart attacks. Some dramas happened, an interview happened... and I had only a few days left to prepare. Towards the end of the week, I decided I was going to do 自己紹介 (self-introduction) in Japanese. I know enough to say *キラです。クアラルンプール出身です。マレーシアJAM です, though that sounds super awkward. What I did on the day was the exact opposite.
Well, it's a known fact that the leader speaks English. Heck, it's an open secret that we know he went to a school that had an English department, whatever that means. As the owner of this brain who've spent approximately weeks and hundreds of hours on Japanese, I think know enough to say those words. But what did I do?
I spoke to him in English.
Of course, like everything, it takes a while to set in. That evening, it occurred to me that not only I had spoken to him in English, I also didn't let him speak. I didn't let him finish his sentence.
To be fair, it was only for 30 seconds. I don't need him to speak, and I wanted to, for once, assert my dominance. (The running joke here is that he plays the character of a freaking flirt, and as a lesbian whose compulsory heterosexual crush is him, I have the inclination to get the man to sit down and shut up for once. I guess I did?)
It's not me if there's no faux pas. Anyways...
Today's the 290th day since I started using WK, basically the beginning of my journey to relearn Japanese. Will I be able to communicate at least on a conversational level by the time I'm 30? We will see.
If you're reading this and needs recommendations on resources that are free, hit me up!
またね。
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
klartixx
Klartixx
zdlr
everlong
kaleidoscopeyesrp
kaleidoscope eyes
allthedamnbirds
All The Birds Project
sebassholejames
Sebastian James