#yikesola
Note
Hello friend you invited the chaos
So so so. Recap: friends for years, he dumped his toxic ex, started therapy, we start actually talking.
OKAY. So we were officially dating like *last week*. Monday I was over his house and things were good. Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I legit thought he died cause he wasn’t answering his phone (he did not die he just broke his phone, but the worry was there cause I know he deals with depression).
But while thinking he was possibly dead, I had a job interview at the really cool lab and Im gonna be calibrating gas detectors and doing titrations every monday!! (Spoiler I got the job).
And then I had a second one later in the day after he got his new phone but this one was in some sketchy basement lab with two other employees that are both grown men and Im honestly surprised I didnt die down there.
And then thursday I went to my first therapy session to help deal with anxiety and some other shit right. (It will be so fun showing up after my intake appointment with an entirely new set of issues). Oh also this entire week is happening while my autoimmune disorder is flaring too. Thats also a thing. But also. At this point, things are still fine with the guy. Like he was talking about introducing me to his friends and shit.
BUT OKAY THEN FRIDAY HAPPENS. AND THIS IS THE DAY THAT ALL THINGS WENT TO HELL. *He* invited me over his house during the day while most of his family was gone. And I went cause I was off work and also like. At that point why wouldnt I? But uuuhhhhh while I was there, some *things* happened that *he* initiated (fully consensual) but also that boy was fucking *rough* and I have bruises all over where he was grabbing and I’m sure more I cant see. But like. Genuinely kinda a fun time.
Until. Out of no where he like kinda rushed me out of his house. And I was very confused and concerned about that, because obviously I just put a hell of a lot of trust into someone I had considered a good friend. And so after I got home I asked him if I did something wrong, AND GOES ‘We’ve been very close friends for 5 years so dating just feels not right.’ Which like. Was a whiplash moment for me. So I responded with ‘So. You just want to be friends is what youre telling me?’. AND THIS ASSHOLE GOES ‘Yeah, for now at least’.
BOY THERE IS NO FOR NOW AT LEAST. YOU JUST BASICALLY USED ME AND TOSSED ME TO THE SIDE. LIKE. NO??????
So yeah after that I was sad for a little bit but then ya know I started to be able to see the bruises and I just got so fucking pissed off from that, that I was no longer sad. The sad is gone. I was instead petty and went to the county fair with Mountain Boy and told him what was up and yeah. Thats what that insta post was about lol. I was just being petty because I could be.
OH BUT ALSO. I have to see him in early september for a chemistry meeting and I have every intention of looking hot as fuck when I show up just because I can and I refuse to let a boy get in my head about my own self confidence.
And really in the end he was evidently lacking in both braincells and inches, so it was no real loss on my part lmao
Anyways thats been my week, how are youuu??????
Daaaamn he really strung you along huh well man I feel that about people doing a complete 180 on you and showing their true colors out of literally nowhere. I’m sorry it all went down like that, yikes. Yeah, no, I don’t think I would want to be “friends” with someone like that either. Fuck that guy frrrr. Especially right after that.
Damn what a shitty week but I so hope a new job is exactly the kind of reset you need to take your mind off things.
My week has been alright. I’m feeling really burnt out and emotionally exhausted but I’m healing from the bullshit that I went through. I start school tomorrow which I’m not exactly looking forward to but not dreading either but next week I’m going on vacation (also to Myrtle Beach, finally) since I have 3 days in a row off and my birthday is coming up.
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“Falling and crawling and rolling, rolling, rolling.”
a moodboard for Mollifying by @yikesola
ao3 | podfic
Happy birthday Renee! I hope you have a wonderful day 💕
This fic has always been one of my favorites :)
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hello! i just hit 2k, and i haven't done one of these since i hit 100 followers so: follow forever incoming!
most of the older blogs i'm following have gone inactive, so there's so much love in my heart for everyone who's still here. i AM reccing just a couple inactive blogs that i will be following for life 💛
edit: these are in groups of 4-5 because otherwise? tumblr stops letting @ ing people work
friends i've talked the most with about dnp: aries @freckliephil, roper @phulge, hana @danielbear, ry @dnphobe, & rudy @yonpote
blogs i found before dnp came out:
xavier @angryphildm
beth @awrfhi
jess @cactuslester
kristine @danandphilandthedevil
pip @dannierights
al @danpilled
leo @danslawdegree
molly @deathclassic
jas @demonphannie
lola @dnpsuck
yash @floppy-ding-dong
valo @gaymingvideos
kate @goldenpinof
katie @heterophobicdaniel
dylan @horsegirlhob
blonde @leblonde
em @lesbiandipandpip
di @lesdienne
ott @milflester
barry @milfygerard
@oldqueenphil
nora @pseudophan
ari @thelionandthellama
tj @tjlauren
av @vampire-email
renee @yikesola
blogs i found after dnp came out:
jacky @2009phan
jenna @ahappyphjl
ava @birthdaywolf
chicken @chickenfreeblog
ru @danisnotonfirewalkwithme
hazel @dapg-otmebytheballs
allie @deadandphilgames
emma @dnpbeats
daye @dvp95
nikki @energeticwarrior
westley @flamingheretic
callie @gamora-borealis
amelia @lesbaurinkos
zee @manchesterau
char @simplydnp
emily @slayter-kinney
robin @tarotphil
chelle @thatsmistertoyou
ada @theyarewrestling
p @thursdaygirlmp3
bee @ttlmt
vi @wdapteo
love you all! thanks for 2k!
#yes i do have most of your names memorized <3 everyone these days is making it very hard with a + l or e + l names#jam posts#follow forever#if we are mutuals from pre hiatus. high odds i consider you a cousin on the tumblr side#phandom
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Depressed!Dan Masterlist
Absolutely Lovely (ao3) - Autumn_Kismet
Summary: His friends and family think he’s acting strange, they’re worried that he’s depressed again, but Dan doesn’t see it. The only thing he sees is the new guy at school, the quirky one with the black hair and stunning blue eyes, and that’s bad. So bad… because he likes him, and Dan can’t like him. Dan can’t be gay. He’ll lose his family, he’ll lose his friends… he’ll become just like his father, and that’s the last thing that he wants in the entire world. It’s a scary thought that he doesn’t think will ever go away and if there’s the possibility of that happening, of him becoming the disgusting monster that his father was, or is, then maybe the world is better off without him, regardless of what PJ’s dad, his mum’s new husband, has to say.
A Little Sunshine in Your Soul - tiny-winter-cupcake
Summary: Dan has Seasonal Affective Disorder, more commonly known as seasonal depression, which flares up in the winter. Both he and Phil long for the spring. When spring comes around, however, Dan may have some harbored secrets. But so does Phil.
back down again (ao3) - heartsopenminds
Summary: It's an old habit, one Dan learned years ago and has never quite been able to shake off. Phil's away, his brain is spiralling and the only way he knows to cope is to turn to food.
Bad Days (ao3) - MarriedPhan1234
Summary: Dan is in a pretty brutal depressive episode.
better day (ao3) - graydar
Summary: Dan can’t tell if it’s pain anymore, or if it’s numbness. Because that hurts too.
Change Will Come (ao3) - rainbowchristy
Summary: Dan’s a depressed university student. Phil’s just a cute coffee shop barista who writes notes on Dan’s hot chocolates.
coffee (ao3) - plinth_of_life
Summary: Dan wakes up and knows it will be a bad day. Despite that, he resists Phil’s attempts to help him because today will be different. Today, Dan will care for Phil, even if that means just making him a cup of coffee.
Conjuncture (ao3) - yikesola
Summary: During a 2013 liveshow Phil calls Dan, only to find that Dan’s not in the apartment and has left his phone behind. He’s worried; he’s worried any time Dan does this. A fic about Phil’s attempts to care for Dan before he sought professional help for his depression.
Cuddle Me (ao3) - dip_and_pip_trash
Summary: Dan’s feeling low and just wants to be held. Phil is out at meetings all day, away from home. Dan misses Phil.
Curae (ao3) - phansb
Summary: Dan has a depressive episode in 2013, before Phil knew the name.
Days Like This (ao3) - olrazzzledazzzle
Summary: Days like this: a look into Dan at his lowest point during their tour and how he overcomes (or just rather simply lives with) it.
fuzzy (ao3) - watergator
Summary: Dan is having one of his bad days, and Phil is there to pull him out of it.
grey (ao3) - waveydnp
Summary: dan wakes up in the hole again. phil tries to take care of him, but sometimes not even phil is enough.
Here Without You (ao3) - waveydnp
Summary: Phil goes home for mother’s day. Dan doesn’t.
I will run you the sickest bubble bath and have you in bed at 6 p.m. (ao3) - Findus26
Summary: Dan is having a depressive episode and Phil does his best to cheer him up.
Featuring: breakfast, bubbles, and a very special book.
I’ll be the light that you can’t make (ao3) - MANIAvinyl
Summary: There was suddenly a tightness in Phil’s chest, put there by guilt and fear, and he couldn’t find the words to respond. The gravity of Dan’s depression was creeping up on him, like a realization he didn’t want to admit.
Or; Dan is depressed and Phil cant help but feel that the sickness in his best friend is a mystery to them both.
if you could see it, then you’d understand (ao3) - MANIAvinyl
Summary: There was a point in their relationship when Phil was stable enough for the both of them. But when his anxiety gets worse, he’s not sure how to handle anything; not his panic attacks, not Dan and his still-frequent episodes, and not all the new stresses that come with this kind of fast-paced life.
In Disguise (The World Can’t See Me) (ao3) - lovestillaround
Summary: Dan has a habit of going out when he isn’t well.
It Only Goes Up From Here (ao3) - thesassykels66
Summary: If given the chance, it’s easy to say that anyone would travel back in time to talk to their younger selves, especially in a hard time. But when that happens to Dan, he doesn’t notice right away, but he knows that it’s the only way that he’ll truly get better when shown the life he can have.
Or in short, future Dan speaks to 2013 Dan about his depression in a surreptitious way on how he will get better.
It'll be okay (ao3) - Chibikkos_Hat
Summary: Dan didn't believe in love before a certain boy came along
Letters (ao3) - NintenGoAway (elfzhyza)
Summary: Somehow, Phil always knows when Dan's feeling down, and he always knows what to say to make Dan feel better.
little things (ao3) - irrationalqueer
Summary: Dan feels it coming the moment he wakes up.
Massage (ao3) - yikesola
Summary: Dan needs an anchor. He needs something to hold him steady. He rolls over onto his stomach and calls out for Phil.
A ficlet about bad days and bed days.
Overwhelmed - omgdatphantho
Summary:Dan begins to suffer from depression and Phil just wants to help.
Picking Up The Pieces (ao3) - rainbowchristy
Summary: During a truth or dare game, Phil is made to break up with his pastel-wearing boyfriend. He was too drunk to fully understand what was happening at the time but now that he’s sobered up, will Dan ever trust him again?
Or, Punk!Phil breaks up with Pastel!Depressed!Dan because of a dare and Phil has to earn his trust back.
Rock Bottom (ao3) - howellesterfics
Summary: Phil is off visiting his parents. Dan attempts to do the dishes.
run as far as your dark brown eyes can see (ao3) - chickenfree
Summary: Dan’s laughing, pleased with his own joke about being an awkward child, about misfit war wounds, which Phil will obviously relate to.
Oh.
(Or: the many times Phil has been surprised, and the one thing that didn't surprise him at all.)
Soaked Through (ao3) - yikesola
Summary: Dan should go for a run. He should really go for a fucking run. It’s been four days of rainy weather— it’s London, that’s no surprise, but like stormy rainy weather. Too rainy to run in.
A fic about shivers and control.
Stitching Up the Seams (ao3) - worriedpeach (skeletonflowers)
Summary: Phil can’t help but notice the boy with dead eyes who wears baggy jumpers all the time and barely talks anymore. Not being able to stand how sad he looks, Phil begins to slip notes into Dan’s locker in hopes of raising his spirits.
The Road To Being Okay (ao3) - WaterHorseyBlues
Summary: All Phil wanted was for Dan to be okay.
Thunderstorm (ao3) - orphan_account
Summary: Dan falls into a depressive episode while Phil is away for a family emergency.
When You Leave Me (I'm Not Going Anywhere) (ao3) - fisshhhh
Summary: Sometimes the thoughts are just too much. Sometimes Dan breaks. Sometimes he finds himself drowning on the kitchen floor, unwilling to ask for help and too insecure to think that anyone would want to help him anyway. Luckily, Phil loves him.
Set in 2009 or early 2010, shortly after they met.
You're All my Reasons (ao3) - QueenKatelynTheAristocrat
Summary: In which Dan's depression doesn't allow him to leave his room for two days, and Phil struggles to find the words, but what comes to realize is that maybe words aren't always necessary.
#phanfictioncatalogue#phanfiction#phanfic#phan#masterlists#tw#depression tw#depressed!dan#depressed!dan masterlist
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uwu made something based on @yikesola & @calvinahobbes 's fic, which was based on my art hehe 💗💗
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some folks I met at WAD! what a fantastic show, I’m so glad I could debrief with y’all
@randomlypeaceful @unicornosaur @yikesola :)
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I posted 5,769 times in 2022
last year was over 17k times yikes
122 posts created (2%)
5,647 posts reblogged (98%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@combeauferre
@deadandphilgames
@parentaladvisorybullshitcontent
@silentdescant
@ladypfenix
I tagged 1,551 of my posts in 2022
#mdzs - 599 posts
#wangxian - 273 posts
#tgcf - 165 posts
#dnp - 137 posts
#cql - 95 posts
#hualian - 83 posts
#morgan talks - 66 posts
#the untamed - 66 posts
#ask - 50 posts
#wei wuxian - 49 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#we also had a couple of times where someone got onto campus with a weapon of some kind and we had to all hide under tables and stuff but ag
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
hey! do u know any tumblrs who write fanfic(dnp)? i kinda have an idea for one and i'd love to see people's cool fics b4 i write! i can never remember urls for fics so sorry if you write and i'm being ignorant lol
ahh thanks for asking and i don't really write don't worry!!
i'm sure i'm going to forget some wonderful people since i haven't really been reading phanfic lately but this lot are all gems<3
@rawritsamehh @parentaladvisorybullshitcontent @ahappydnp @alittledizzy @calvinahobbes @irrationalqueer @yikesola @cloud-gays @jorzuela @silentdescant @natigail @intoapuddle @jeessss @strawberry-sunflower @fictropes @heartsopenminds @combeauferre @filisaceaf @judearaya @glowingatmosphere @jestbee
please feel free to self promo or tag your faves<3
and i hope this helps anon<33 and i hope you're writing goes well<33
20 notes - Posted January 6, 2022
#4
helloo phandom people, i have some dnp merch that i no longer wear and so would be happy to give it away to anyone who wants it (you would only have to pay for the postage and i’m in the uk so take that into account)
the things i have are:
1x ii hoodie size L
1x ii hexagon t shirt size XL
1x black dan skeleton t shirt size M
1x phil grey plant killer tarot long sleeve size M
1x grey dnp hair silohette jumper size L
if anyone is interested just shoot me a message (you don’t have to be following me or anything) <3
(i will update this post if things go)
38 notes - Posted June 29, 2022
#3
TAG! What's your favourite tweet from Dan and/or Phil? Now send this to 5 people!
favourite? maybe not. but this sure was a selection of words
61 notes - Posted March 7, 2022
#2
我会回到你身边，哥哥...
67 notes - Posted July 31, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
commission for the wonderful @calvinahobbes <3
106 notes - Posted March 8, 2022
wow i'd almost forgotten i was still posting dnp stuff earlier this year
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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thank you for tagging me @yikesola 💕💕💕
the title of the last song you listened to is the epitaph on your tombstone
Valentine D.C.’s 僕が僕のままでいたこと. “That I remained myself.” Yeah i’d say that’s perfect LOL
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Thank you for the tag Morgan @sevensforasecret 💖
Rules: tag 9 people you want to know better 🌷
Last Song: MEGALOVANIA - Undertale soundtrack
Last Show: The Great British Bakeoff (s13)
Currently Watching: The Great British Bakeoff (s12) (i’m in a baking mood)
Currently Reading: Little Women, A Christmas Carol and also amaaf (for the first time!!)
Current Obsession: the Undertale 5th anniversary concert (https://youtu.be/srZdDAJbHfc)
tagging people I want to know better and also people I know but want to tag because tag games are fun :3 (only if you want to ofc!) @calvinahobbes @ahappydnp @normalamber @stufflizloves @yikesola @dooandpoo @kavat @stitchedthekey @letgladnessdwell
#tag meme#it’s baking season round these parts#also i’m listening to a bake off podcast and they’re rewatching previous seasons of the show#so ofc i need to watch along
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The new header is lovely ;__; but also my object permanence is shit, can you remind me was the main meat of the collage was before the piano pic? Was it just….. pink? #badfriendalert 😭
thank you!! my old header was the gaming room
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Emotional Fiber
Rating: G
Word Count: 1.2K
Tags: Introspection, 2009 (pre-everything)
Summary: Phil's been told he’s lucky for it, having so much love to give, but it really does fucking suck to give all that he has and is to the world and never feel it received nor returned.
Note: Happy birthday to the wonderful @yikesola!! 🎉🎉 I hope this year is filled with writing, crafts, cats, and all the other good things! 💙 (Thanks for the phrase that became my jumping off point for this fic -- it's been bouncing around my head for days 😊)
[Read on AO3]
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I love when dnp do or say something with the clear intent of making the other laugh
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You Will Get Through This Night - @yikesola
“You must really love breakfast food,” the smiling waiter says when Caleb makes his third late-night visit of the week. He’s tall, and Caleb wonders if he’d have to tilt his head back to speak to him even if he wasn’t sitting so low in the booth.
“More like, I can’t sleep and you’re the only place open, bud,” he smiles back.
-
jumping on this lovely bandwagon of making moodboards for our amazing phanfic writers! i’m a sucker for writer!dan and/or writer!phil and this fic just made me melt. i highly recommend reading it! i hope you enjoy my moodboard ♡
#dan and phil#daniel howell#dan howell#danisnotonfire#moodboards#phan#dan and phil moodboards#dan howell moodboards#aesthetic#dan howell aesthetic#brown#brown aesthetic#beige#beige aesthetic#moodboard gifs#gifs#you will get through this night#yikesola#emilee.edits.exe#emilee.moodboards.exe
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2009 Phan (7) Masterlist
part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six
a decent chap (ao3) - calvinahobbes, yikesola
Summary: “The fabled danisnotonfire.” Martyn can’t help a smirk when the poor boy’s eyes flicker quickly away from his at the mention of his Twitter handle. “Welcome. You boys want a nightcap?”
a matched set (ao3) - cityofphanchester
Summary: “Mum,” he says, and his voice sounds like a balloon about to burst from happiness. “Mum, would you do me a favor.”
(a mother's view of the christmas adventure)
afterglow (ao3) - catboyhowell (bloodyscarab)
Summary: now our hearts are racing
baby let me know what you're tasting
afterglow by flores
came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form (ao3) - templeofshame
Summary: Dan considers safety, the internet, and rules he wants to break.
Emotional Fiber (ao3) - indistinct_echo
Summary: Phil's been told he’s lucky for it, having so much love to give, but it really does fucking suck to give all that he has and is to the world and never feel it received nor returned.
every ounce of me (ao3) - Tarredion
Summary: Dan and Phil being (mostly) soft on October 19th, 2009—with a bit of introspective Dan (and also him trying to avoid it)
fireworks (ao3) - calvinahobbes
Summary: Twelve years of New Year’s Eves - or, the first and the most recent.
greedy for that feeling (ao3) - JudeAraya
Summary: Learning to love Phil was like a trust fall: terrifying but necessary and ultimately, exhilarating. Together, they’re learning how to talk, how to give each other what they need, and how to ask for and share desires they’ve never shared or experienced before.
I Think I've Loved You Before (ao3) - milfbilvy
Summary: There is nothing Phil is more sure of than the fact that he and Dan were meant to find each other in every life.
I Don't Wanna Close My Eyes (ao3) - Anonymous
Summary: Dan is tired of the Halloween party he's been forced to attend. He wanders off, straight into a pretty little cafe with an even prettier barista.
Investigations (ao3) - philsmeatylegss
Summary: Obliviousness runs in the family
just you (ao3) - Rawritsamehh
Summary: snippets from 2009 but reversed- Phil is a fanboy for his favorite YouTuber, Dan.
kissing gif (ao3) - calvinahobbes
Summary: Meeting Dan is the luckiest he’s ever been. Having him here, on his bed, is a dream come true whether it looks like a sexy Internet gif or not. (A pinof tag about expectations and reality.)
kiss me just to kiss me (ao3) - calvinahobbes
Summary: Phil knows it’s serious. He knows he’s serious about Dan in that way he gets about people because he is so painfully afraid of messing things up. Dan came all this way just to see him, but he didn’t come all this way just to see him, and the least Phil can do is show him a good time.
lie with me (sew your heart to my sleeve) (ao3) - trademarkblue
Summary: You make me feel safe, Phil. I've never felt like that before. Safe like this. Not for a long time, at least.
A ficlet about comfort and new love.
Look How Warm You Are (ao3) - orphan_account
Summary: It snowed during the night after Dan's first day back in Rosendale, so Phil brings him out on a bit of an adventure to explore in the snow.
meeting the parents (ao3) - SylvesterLester
Summary: Dan is ready to meet Phil's parents.
Right?
oh, he's got me going (ao3) - loveslabourlost
Summary: Everything in Phil's body is thicker than in Dan's.
real and different (ao3) - SylvesterLester
Summary: Phil is different than Dan imagined. Different than his videos.
But he likes it.
secret dan folder (ao3) - calvinahobbes
Summary: There are photos of him out there, of course, a hundred embarrassing ones on Facebook and in Nana’s family albums. But it’s always felt to him like people took them more because they had to or ought to than because they really wanted to. And here Phil is, feeling some incomprehensible mixture of shame and pride because he has a truly impressive collection of ugly stalker photos of Dan on his laptop.
Sixty Nine Nook (ao3) - intoapuddle
Summary: Dan and Phil get locked in the nook under the staircase of Phil's family home, so they make the most of it.
Somebody to Love (ao3) - counting2fifteen
Summary: Dan and Phil’s first meeting in 2009, loosely inspired by the song Somebody to Love by Queen
The Christmas Sweater (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)
Summary: Dan is on his way to Phil's to spend Christmas with the Lesters for the first time.
Thinking of You (ao3) - Spring_Haze
Summary: Dan and Phil have been flirtatious during their late-night conversations. One night, they find themselves wanting so badly that they give into both their bodies and eventually their secrets.
Up the Hill, Making Memories (ao3) - husbants
Summary: It's the night of October 19th, 2009. The bus has just dropped Dan and Phil off after their day in Manchester together. This doesn't mean the night is over, though: they've got one long hill to climb before they're getting to Phil's house.
(And maybe they are a little excited to get to Phil's house.)
warm (ao3) - SylvesterLester
Summary: Phil likes Dan.
And Phil really, really likes Dan's hat.
we freak on the cam (ao3) - freelydopefun
Summary: “I wanna touch on you
You see me in my room
Wish you were here right now
All of the things I'd do”
Two Boys. Late Night Webcalls. Cords getting tangled up in unusual places.
(we were in) screaming color (ao3) - calvinahobbes
Summary: Phil thinks he could be jealous. He turns the idea over in his mind, weighing it. He could be more jealous, angry for Dan’s lack of attention.
Weight on my Shoulders (ao3) - ByTheFire
Summary: When Phil starts getting some unexpected gifts from his dad he starts to worry if he knows something he is not ready to share. Thankfully Dan is there to make it all a bit less scary. All Phil can hope is his dad doesn't want to change who he truly is.
What if (he's the one?) (ao3) - Archive (Curlylinguist)
Summary: It's 19th October 2009, and Dan has a whole lot of thoughts as he travels up to meet Phil for the first time.
yellow (ao3) - awrfdnp
Summary: “You’re my yellow, Phil.”
yes, I know (ao3) - moonanonymous
Summary: It's October 19th, and Phil is anxiously awaiting a train.
You're Perfect To Me (ao3) - ticklishraspberries
Summary: Dan is feeling insecure about his body, and Phil can’t have that.
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Yikesola’s Birthday Fics
@yikesola
Happy Birthday Renee!!! 🎉🎈🎂
You’re officially 27 (Phil still thinks you’re 26, but that’s okay). You are one of the kindest, most genuine people, and you are so loved by this community. I’m so honored to call you my friend:)
In honor of this national holiday, we’ve created your very own ao3 collection that people will be upload to throughout the day
Hope this day is as incredible as you are <3
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