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rattleroze · 1 year

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Who wants to read a short essay of my ideas about the education and careers of the Emeritus brothers in the structure of the Satanic Church?

More under the cut

The “Traditionalist” structure of the Catholic Church. This is also (roughly) the structure I am operating under when describing the Church of Satan in this context.

The education of the Emeritus children in the teachings and philosophies of the Satanic Church would start as early as possible, and would be incorporated into a curriculum along with your run-of-the-mill early education staples as soon as they reached schooling age. This curriculum would be administered by members of the clergy based at and in the areas surrounding the Abbey, and through their elementary school years they would attend classes alongside other children, both those of clergy and members of the church (laypeople).

(Personal note: Christian and especially Catholic education organizations are notoriously bad at teaching children in a way that provides them with a well-rounded education without fully indoctrinating them into the religion in question, which is kind of the point. Their goal is typically to shape children into good christians/catholics while also meeting the government-mandated basics of their K-12 education. The education plan I’m laying out here for the Ghost church bears a lot of similarity to that style of religious education, and may represent an ideal that a lot of these christian/catholic orgs would drool over. However, because Satanism is in general a religion that bases itself in individualism and logical thought, I believe that the system set out here would comfortably fit into a religious framework while also prioritizing a quality and well-rounded education. End rant.

**Disclaimer: I am not an education or religious studies expert. Take my opinions with a grain of salt.)

The Emeritus children would play parts in the worship services of the Church throughout their childhoods, including helping to prepare for service, acting as altar boys, and singing in choir. They would be encouraged to immerse themselves in the activities of the Church as much as possible in order to build an understanding of every level of Church operations in preparation for their future leadership roles.

Around the age of 12, the Emeritus children’s educational trajectory would begin to deviate from that of their peers, and they would begin to incorporate more and deeper aspects of religious and esoteric study into their curriculum. This would include Church documents and writings that are typically not public information and some that may or may not be hereditary teachings exclusive to the Emeritus bloodline. This period of their education would be explicitly in preparation for a secretive blood oath ceremony undertaken at the age of 15 that represents and reaffirms the Emeritus bloodline’s eternal devotion to the service of the Dark Lord. This involves ceremonial scarification and exposure to unholy enlightenment that results in trauma to and loss of pigment in the left eye. This ceremony, along with the education received during this period, qualifies the Emeritus children as Bishops within the Satanic Church, although the title is largely honorary.

(Note: There is, of course, a pathway for non-family members to achieve the rank of Bishop and higher within the Church, but it is not typically open to students under the age of 25 and does not involve the Oath ceremony. As the Emeritus bloodline has been historically blessed by Satan and entrusted with operation of the Church for generations, the ascension to Bishop is accelerated for direct descendants.)

Following the Oath ceremony, the Emeritus children begin to finalize their general education and pivot to take on more responsibility as members of the Clergy. They undertake more intensive courses of study on a variety of topics regarding the magical and esoteric histories of the Church and translations of essential texts, as well as more abstract philosophical topics. They may also elect to specialize in a particular topic of study (think college major) that can help further guide their activities within the Church.

(Note: Primo elected to focus on practical magick and alchemy, with a particular interest in herbalism. Terzo chose to study foreign and occult language and translation. Secondo didn’t choose any topic in particular, but found he had a particular knack for delivering engaging and thought-provoking sermons.)

The Emeritus children continue on their paths within the Church, becoming more comfortable with their duties as teachers and spiritual guides to its members, throughout their 20s. As adults, they are allowed to come and go from the Abbey as they please and engage with civilians as they wish, but they are encouraged and expected to bring the teachings of the Church with them and share the gifts of Satan whenever appropriate. (Note: Satanic teachings in general draw distinct boundaries regarding when and if it is appropriate to proselytize.) They are expected to participate in Church administration and services in a more hands-on fashion and in general act as outward-facing pillars of the faith. They are also encouraged to take on extra-curricular responsibilities, such as traveling to satellite congregations or helping with the Church’s children’s programs.

The culmination of this period is a chance for the Emeritus children to travel abroad as a research and missionary opportunity. Missionary work is not something the Church of Satan prioritizes, largely because they find it unnecessary and obnoxious. However, as part of their preparation for the Papacy, the Emeritus children are afforded the opportunity to spend their 30th year as a vector of Satan (within the bounds of the rules regarding proselytizing, of course) and/or assisting any foreign arm of the Church that is willing to host them. The foreign offices are, historically, receptive to the opportunity, as playing host to one of Satan’s chosen children can confer certain advantages.

(Note: Primo elected to not take part in this opportunity, as by the time his 30th birthday rolled around, he was knee-deep in parenting his younger brothers.)

Starting at the age of 30, the upper echelons of the Clergy can begin to evaluate Emeritus children for elevation to the rank of Cardinal. (Note: This is different for non-family clergy members, who must be at least age 35 and have been ordained for a minimum of five years.) The sitting Papa and his inner circle will look at each child on their own merit, taking into account any significant writings, accomplishments, or other notable deeds done in service to the Church, both at home and abroad, if applicable. If their career is deemed exemplary, they will be appointed as a Cardinal. If anything discounts them from an appointment, their case is put aside until the next year.

(Note: despite not being a member of the bloodline, Copia was first evaluated for Cardinalcy at the age of 30 due to some string-pulling by Sister Imperator. He was deferred for two years before gaining his appointment.)

Being appointed as a Cardinal comes with many advantages, including a private office space in the Abbey and broader administrative powers to channel funds and influence into projects as one sees fit. It also, typically, allows for a member of the clergy to step back from the public sphere and focus more on the administrative aspects if they so choose– that is, except for the Emeritus children, who, as the defacto faces of the Church’s leadership, are still expected to participate in services and ceremonies, as well as the inner politics of the Church itself. This is, arguably, the most demanding position for a member of the Emeritus bloodline, but historically speaking, it is the best position for those in anticipation of becoming Papa, as it provides for the smoothest transition between roles.

#ghost band #ghost bc #papa emeritus i #papa emeritus ii #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #sister imperator #ghost headcanons #ghost fanfic #ghost fanfiction #yes I am autistic how could you tell #rattleroze

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ashleyishere24 · 2 months

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#know your facts #autism #transformers #mcaddams #puzzle piece symbol is genuinely harmful #transformes=autism #and gay #yes i am autistic and gay how could you tell?

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yuri-is-online · 4 months

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Love and Deepspace Timeline: MC, Philos, and the Aether Core

Look I finished Xav's myths card. I don't regret waiting until I was done with it to post his timeline because the last two nodes have more to do with MC than him, but I am in a state so we are making this to cope.

This is all speculation and should not be taken as fact, I have done two other posts, one on Zayne and one on Xavier and I will not be doing one on Rafayel please see this reddit post by u/joonmin for relevant information about his myths card blah blah blah.

This post is less of a timeline and more here to answer questions you very likely have if you: A) decided to browse reddit and saw people saying Xavier feels like the "cannon ro" [this is a gacha game there isn't one] but have never read any of his memories, moments, or dates B) read chapter 8 and went "none of this makes sense I feel like I am missing something" or C) just generally are confused about L&D's world building and what's up with MC. I have answers for you. Wibbly wobbly soupy answers. This post also has a TL;DR in case you don't want to see me break out the string board and just want the relevant bits of information about MC you won't get from the msq.

SPOILERS FOR ALL IN GAME CONTENT UP TO CHAPTER 8, VARIOUS MOMENTS, AND ANECDOTES RELATED TO ALL 3 ROS, PROCEED WITH CARE.

Current Timeline MC (i.e. The one we are playing as)

The game starts with MC's graduation from the Academy and first day as a fully licensed hunter. We learn a few things in this first chapter, namely that MC is combat trained, has a rare heart condition known as Protocore Syndrome that has no known cure, and that her decision to become a hunter has something to do with what she experienced fourteen years ago during the Catastrophe when the Deepspace Tunnel opened and Wanderers started invading earth.

Specifically MC describes something burrowing itself into her heart. She feels helpless, like prey, and has a strong desire to never feel anything like this again. Which is unfortunate because I have a feeling a lot of someones are going to be on her trail sooner rather than later.

In Chapter 5 it is revealed that MC has an Aether core fused to her heart. This sort of human experimentation is highly illegal and it is unknown who did this to MC other than our beloved Grandmother was directly involved. Grandma appears to have taken MC away from wherever this happened after the tests started to threaten MC's life.

This is known to Dr. Zayne and Dr. Noah, though neither seem to know more than what Grandma told them. Neither of them seem to fully understand what an Aether core is or what it is doing to MC's heart. Zayne in particular seems to find this extremely concerning.

Uncovering the mystery of the Aether core seems to be what will be driving the first arc so we will not be discussing it at length here. I do want to note that Xavier absolutely knows what it is, while Zayne does not but does seem to know more of the technical aspects of how it is effecting MC, and Rafayel is at least aware of it being valuable and maybe why exactly the people in the N109 Zone want it.

At some point in the past MC met and made a promise to Rafayel. It is my personal theory that this likely took place on Hat Island during the field trip MC talks about due to some of the comments made in Chapter 7.

MC and Caleb were friends with Zayne in childhood. MC's exact age is a bit fuzzy, but the game does seem to suggest she is younger than Zayne. She does not know why Zayne disappeared from her life or what led him to become a doctor.

Comments in Chapter 4 suggests that Caleb encouraged MC to become a hunter. He seems to be very supportive of her, but Grandma seems more interested in trusting MC's protection to Zayne.

On the surface MC seems pretty normal. Her memories from before the Catastrophe seem to be gone, if she had a mother and father or other blood relatives, she doesn't remember them anymore.

Philos MC (i.e. What is Going on in the Myths)

It is revealed in Xavier's When Shooting Stars Fall anecdote that Philos is Earth in the distant future. This has confused numerous people in the notes of my Xav's timeline so I am going to be insufferable and attempt to assist with a graph:

The MC you play belongs to the game timeline, the MCs (plural each myths card features a different one) in the Myths cards come from the Philos timeline. I have tagged the Game timeline as a "potential tangent" as the events that take place in game are entirely reliant on the existence of the Deepspace Tunnel, which is created in the Philos timeline.

At some point in the Original/Philos Timeline, Earth's core ceases to function. Humanity replaces it with a new, artificial core that causes noticeable weather changes and fuses all of the tectonic plates together, and begins a new calendar counting forward from the years since Earth ceased to be and Philos was born. As a result, we don't know what exact year Earth's core giving out happened in the Original Timeline. The artificial core allows almost all humans to "live eternal." They seem to be like Tolkien's elves in the sense they can live for an eternity but they start to get tired after a while and give up on life. This is why there is a royal family that needs a line of succession. Xavier is the Crown Prince of Philos, he meets MC in school and learns she has a rare disease called Protocore Syndrome which will not allow her to live forever. He attempts to cure this by finding a specific protocore she mentions, but fails to reach her in time and is forced to watch her die. This all happens in the year 214.

At some point MC is reborn and assigned to the same teacher as Xavier. She is to train to become his knight and serve as the leader of the Lightseekers, an order tasked with killing Wanderers. At some point during or before Xavier's coming of age ceremony, he learns the truth about Philos: the planet is dying due to the artificial core never having been meant to sustain the planet this long. The Royal Family's solution for this is to occasionally feed humans to the heart of Philos in Starfall Forest. When they do this, it creates Wanderers. As if that wasn't bad enough, Xavier learns that his father and the royal family have found what they think could be a permanent solution: there is a girl who has achieved true immortality. She is the only person on Philos who can die and be reborn constantly, and while they don't seem to know why she does this, the royal family believes this girl is the life force of the planet itself.

This girl is MC and Xavier does not want this to happen. He has a plan that he does not explain to MC, but it involves traveling back in time. He says they have specific places in time picked out, but we know from Xavier's Passing By anecdote that something went wrong with his team's attempt at time travel and now there is no guarantee that the MC he left on Philos as its Queen is still there.

So now we have two timelines: Original/Philos Timeline and Game/Tangent Timeline. But all of that is just taking Xavier's anecdotes and Myths card into account... so what happens if we try to plug in the other two ROs?

Rafayel

In u/Joonmin's reddit post they mention two very important bits of information: 1) It has been 30,000 years since the sea dried up and 2) MC is a member of the royal family of Philos, not by birth but because "she has a heart that’s been blessed by the gods" and has "awoken from the depths." If all three myths cards take place in the same Philos timeline as the one Xavier leaves, we can reasonably place Raf's myths card after Xavier's backtrack mission.

So the Philos timeline would look like this. I have a note for Zayne's card there as well, but if I had to get picky with it I'm slightly tempted to place his Myths card between MC's first death and her being reborn to meet Xavier again. The other explanation would be that there are three separate Philos timelines created because the MC was successfully scarified to the Heart of Philos. In Xavier's Myths 6 MC briefly takes a dip in the space time anomaly at the center of Starfall Forest which could also explain MC scattering across different timelines, but the in game spacepedia makes a point to say that there is a chance that life still exists on Philos:

So it could simply be that MC over there has been stuck in the exact cycle of death and rebirth that Xavier was trying to prevent. It could also mean that when they add that mystery fourth love interest there is an explanation for a fourth possible myths card. Anyway all this information leaves us with a set of timelines that currently look like this:

This still leaves a lot of unanswered questions. For example, if the Philos timeline is where this all starts, what version of it is? What caused Earth's core to give out in that original timeline? Is Rafayel and Lumeria's existence the consequences of clashing timelines or are mermaids cannon to this universe? What effect on the space time continuum did Xavier's actions have? And how much of this is actually going to be answered in game?

TL;DR

Philos is Earth in the future with an artificial core that started running out of power, and never should have been made in the first place.

The royal family fed some of their long lived humans to the anomaly in Starfall forest to keep the planet running, but then they found out about a girl who could constantly be reborn each time she died and had an idea.

An idea Xavier wasn't very keen on but who cares. They thought that "when the time was right" they would sacrifice her to the rift and leave her there to die and be reborn forever. They also did not think to ask her.

Oh yeah when they fed people to the rift they turned into Wanderers. So wanderers = people as mentioned in Zayne's Still in the Dark anecdote.

Whatever makes MC reincarnate might have something to do with Lumeria, or at the very least the Lumerians in Rafayel's myths card seem to think it does.

In game MC, current timeline MC knows none of this, and has no memories from her lives, past or future. This is consistent across all her incarnations.

Final Thoughts

The only reason why I think this way about timelines is because I watched Donnie Darko in a college theater class. People like to argue about that movie and how it is supposed to be interpreted, but generally speaking they all seem to think that Tangent Timelines and the Tangent Universes they spawn get deleted very quickly, so maybe that's why the game starts by talking about "being able to leave this loop" and why Xavier seems to think something bad will be happening to Linkon City soon.

Chapter 8 ends with Xavier attempting to send a message back through the Deepspace Tunnel to make contact with someone. Interestingly enough he calls this "Traceback II." This sounded familiar to me and sure enough the game starts by mentioning that exact same thing, it is going past a black hole and is what says that line "we are stuck in this loop."

I thought in previous posts that the Aether Core is what could cure MC... but now I think the Aether Core is likely what Philos's artificial core is called... so who created it in the first place? ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)

The Deepspace Tunnel is a spacetime anomaly likely caused by Philos's existence since it was "never meant to exist." So why was it created? And by who?

#love and deepspace #l&d #love and deepspace xavier #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace rafayel #as a side note i hate how the reddit girlies are like #“just finished this myth card! can anyone tell me what to think of it?”#if you gave me the details of what happened yes i could otherwise please do not waste my time #i am autistic and cannot make you a spreadsheet without the data you are denying meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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bingqiv · 3 months

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can't wait to pirate the new season of dw

#me + my personal vendetta against rtd #i am just feeling really eh with the show after the 60th specials #it has been five(ish) months and i still hate what rtd did with biregeneration that i can't bring myself to care about it #why would i when it isn't technically the doctor and the tardis anymore? it's just a copy #yes i'm autistic how could you tell?#also the whole millie stuff? like rtd just seems crappy to his actors #anti rtd #dw #rtd critical

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nerdytatertot · 10 months

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I am the Mewtwo fangirl. this is really self-indulgent, but I am cringe and free, so you can't stop me

#digital art #pokemon #mewtwo #trainersona #sona art #yes I am autistic how could you tell?

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crispycreambacon · 3 days

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Maybe I am autistic.......

#Reflection/semi-vent incoming #I just ranted in my head about how I hate that people don't make their tone clear on the internet #And how the line between jokes sarcasm irony etc. and genuineness have been blurred so much #I just want people to be clear and upfront about their feelings... Then I thought “hang on isn't this what autistic people are on about”#OBVIOUSLY this isn't exclusive to autism (or even a symptom of neurodivergency)#I've just been.. thinking. I've always wondered ever since my irl friend asked if I've ever considered myself autistic #Let me tell you a secret dear friend: I've always considered it ever since I was a kid #But when I brought that concern up with my parents they laughed at me and made fun of me calling me an attention seeker #And I've been forcing myself to not even think of the possibility that I'm neurodivergent anymore #But... maybe. Maybe I am. It's so scary to think about using the language on myself #I just wish I could figure this out easily and get a clear yes or no. I wish this was easier.#chris p fried what?!

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raiseyourgoblet-of-rock · 1 year

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One of my coworkers who has become a very good friend of mine writes and records his own music and I’ve literally never met someone irl who’s music is just so fucking good. It’s like being best friends with someone from your favorite band it’s literally one of the coolest things that’s ever happened to me. He lets me jam with him too and now that I’ve been writing my own stuff and working on my guitar and vocal skills I wonder if there would ever be a possibility of starting an actual band or something in the future. I wasn’t made for a desk job man I just wasn’t. But anyway, it just makes me very happy. Playing music and connecting with music makes me so damn happy 🖤

#personal #just have to express my happiness #his music is so fucking good #I’m autistic for this man #his friendship makes me cry it makes me so happy #yes I am on my period and emotional how could you tell #it’s like we both understand the same things and have been treated in the same horrible ways but all we really want is a community #and to protect the ones we love #and he will just give me stuff all the time and make food for me #one of the kindest people I have ever met and it makes my heart just bleed because I want him to be happy

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novelcain · 1 year

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I will never forget the day my former boss looked me dead in the eyes on my orientation day and said: I'm a great judge of character. I can tell that you're an extrovert.

Me nervously laughing because every time I had interacted with this man I was masking my ass off to get this job and most certainly was NOT an extrovert but also didn't want to somehow risk my new job by saying otherwise: Yep! You got me!

#there was also this one time i got this male customer by himself at noon so ofc he just had to talk to me #and this bitch literally asked are you always this bubbly?#and i said yes ya know like a liar #because wtf else am i supposed to say?#no i'm actually never like this and if my wages didn't come from GENEROUS tips of my customers i'd never show a single ounce of emotion #bc im autistic (didnt know it at the time tho) and i really hate dealing with bitches like you first thing in the morning #and then this bitch had the NERVE to ask me YoU wErE rAiSeD bY ChRisTiaNs WeReNT yOu?#and i was so shocked i didn't know how to respond and ended up fumbling out I'm actually not Christian #AND THIS MOFO HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY oh i can tell but that's not what I asked #LIKE BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE #so me just wanting desperately for this conversation to be over i nervously say yes #and he says yeah i can tell you were raised by a good family #WHEN I TELL YOU THIS WAS THE CLOSEST I EVER CAME TO BREAKING I COULD FEEL MY EYE TWITCHING WITH HOW ANGRY I WAS #I SWEAR I WAS ALMOST SCREAMING AT THIS MAN ABOUT HOW TRAUMATIC IT WAS GROWING UP WITH A CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN FAMILY #luckily i kept my composure (and my job) and awkwardly replied haha yeah... i should go check if your food is done now #AND WHEN I TELL YOU I FUCKIN SPRINTED TO THE KITCHEN #istg you couldn't pay me all the money in the world to work customer service ever again #fuck that fuck olive garden and fuck that guy in particular #there's reason you was eatin lunch alone bitch

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basilbrainrot14 · 11 months

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Fan art and stuff isn’t enough. I need this game in pill form.

#Omori #omori shitpost #yes I’m autistic how could you tell #i’m losing my mind #I am so disgustingly hyperfixated it’s not even funny

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transmasc-wizard · 2 years

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thinking thoughts about autonomy and privacy as a disabled person

#nicola.txt #first thought: when i lose speech im entirely reliant on the people around me to help me say what i need to say #and im lucky that my friends are good and they help but like. in the past. i have had people speak ''for'' me saying things #they assumed i wanted to say or assumed i felt or assumed applied to me and i could not correct them #bc it was something more complicated than a Yes or a No that i could point out and by the time i could talk again the subject was long past #second thought: my own mother supports allistic parents who post videos of their autistic children's meltdowns.#she says it ''shows how hard it is'' to have an autistic kid and ''helped parents hsare their struggle''. thats shit in the first place #but also raises the possibility i am not safe from this--having my worst and most stressful moments broadcasted--in my own home.#i have a lot more thoughts #but they are not word shaped right now and they would not fit in tumblr tag rambles #and you can extrapolate what they MIGHT be #but i just hope people don't assume they *know* what i'm thinking just because i cant tell them.

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enpassants · 9 months

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cant believe the one brand of earphones i buy from one single store for the majority of my entire life is shutting down. fuck you wilkos

#im going to miss you so badly #source of my pain is that my earphones broke yesterday and im going to have to buy from a NEW store #with a NEW brand and NEW prices and NEW quality #i think i'd rather die #why yes i am autistic and hate change. how could you tell?

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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AITA for telling my friends i love them?

okay, hear me out before writing this off as fake or “trying to make the other party look bad”. i promise this is a genuine problem i need to have figured out.

i (20) am autistic so i have a hard time telling when i do something wrong, and it’s difficult for me to make friends. however, i was part of an online friend group for ~3-4 years. i was the oldest and the others (17-19) all knew each other irl, so it felt a little awkward (to me) for me to be there, but i considered them my closest friends and my only safe space to be myself.

in the time we were friends, i made some mistakes, some of which i’d rather not get into for personal reasons. but recently the group decided they didn’t want me there anymore, so i was kicked from the discord server and they all blocked me. i was sent a long message about why, and that’s where my confusion starts.

in the message, they brought up some things that didn’t make sense to me as a “bad” thing.

1. they said i’d talked to them about drugs and alcohol “while [they] were still minors”, which is true, but misleading when it’s just said like that. what i actually did was infodump about safe use, because it happened to be one of my fixations at the time, and sometimes mention being high in my channel, but nothing more than that. as for them being minors, some were 17 and some were 18, so it’s really not that different to having DARE come and talk to you about drugs, at least in my eyes. i never encouraged them to use, i never told them to use, and i never gave them resources to use. i only talked about safe use.

2. this is where my title comes in. they told me i was guilttripping and manipulating them by talking about them being my “longest friends” and telling them i loved them. point blank, nothing more to it, that’s what they said. along with that was an added “we know that’s not how you meant it but the effect was there”. this is what i don’t understand and why i need to know if i’m actually a bad person for this or not. yes, i’d talk about them being my longest friends, because i was grateful they had stuck around so long. i’d tell them i loved them just off the bat, whenever i wanted to tell them. it was never about guilttripping or manipulating them, it was always about wanting to show that i appreciated them.

3. this one is a hard one i think. they said that i’d “never disproven [my] ex’s accusations”. i don’t really want to get into what happened which my ex since i know i made mistakes in that relationship, but what’s important to note here is that i had sent my ex’s accusations to one member of the group who’d then sent me a text telling me that they believed i was different now.

this is the text copy-pasted:

“it's definitely a rough situation. but since i know *y'all*, i definitely believe your side. not to mention, you acknowledged your mistakes and the things you did. and i think for all the statements they made about "they knew we had [this traumal", they should've had proof of y'all discussing that. like i can say my girlfriend knows i have body image issues, but i could totally be pulling that out of my ass, you can't just take my word for it. they can't just say things without proof, especially if the things they say could *ruin* y'all's life.”

but in the message as to why i was no longer in the group, they said that actually they didn’t believe me at all, which completely contradicts that text.

and yeah, that’s my explanation of the situation. i genuinely don’t know if i’m the asshole or not, and i’ve been beating myself up about it. this whole situation has made my trust in friends go down, especially since i trusted that group with everything about me. any advice is welcome too.

thank you for listening. have a great day. :)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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drchucktingle · 1 year

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mr. dr. chuck, i'm a few months ago i told a doc of mine that i believe i'm on the spectrum (after yeeeears of considering all the reasons why i thought so) and she agreed with me. then i came to some conclusions about members of my family. then i started melting down and haven't really recovered.

i'm in my 30's, but my life feels like it's been the mistake-addled 24th year for over a decade. people, choices, wants, they feel like things that were silly blips and not of much substance. i'm tired and my body hurts, so it feels harder to get to things i need. doctors don't seem like they can be trusted because of all the other ways i show up in the world.

i'm worried about my life and my future, and it feels like my magic is gone (or that i can't touch it right now). do you have any words of wisdom for someone who found out this really big thing about themselves kind of late?

thank you.

hello buckaroo thank you for writing. first of all i will say MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember is that it is okay and valid to FEEL the way that you feel. your reaction to this news or any news really is not wrong. that does not mean you cant wish for another reaction or WORK TOWARDS another reaction, but in grand cosmic sense this is just your way. YOUR TROT IS VALID and we all have our own unique way. sometimes that path is an easy path with sunny days and smiles and a glorious view, and sometimes it is through the darkness of shadows or crawling through the old bog. we can PREFER one path over the other, but neither is WRONG.

when giving advice old chuck tries to not PROJECT what i think YOU should do because that is not really the point. this is your trot to trot and i do not think it is my place to act like some authority of your way. what chuck can do is tell you MY story of diagnosis and how it made ME feel and maybe you can take little pieces of that for yourself.

chuck learned of way on autism spectrum when i was in early twenties by doctor who said 'yes this is your way'. when i learned of my spectrum way my reaction was: wow this is very very cool i am so lucky because all of my heroes are autistic and now i am in this RADICAL CLUB. we are special and unique and DANG what a treat wish i could have a membership card in my wallet to show all my buds.

now obviously this is not everyones reaction, but as starting off point i wonder what it would have meant to my future if the news would have HIT ME IN A BAD WAY. if i would have felt let a dang robot alien who didnt belong. maybe id be swimmin through the bog ever since.

thing is I LIKE ROBOT ALIENS they are very cool. doctor did not MAKE me different, i was different already, our talks just popped a nice little name on it for me to take or leave. i took the name proudly because DATA from stars trek (certified robot alien) is exactly how i already felt and dang what a cool character and dang what a great life. so was DAVID BYRNE. so was every cool buckaroo artist that i liked. cowboys are OUTSIDER HEROES and that is how my autism makes me feel.

so like i said, i do not know about YOUR way, but MY WAY of hearing this news was heaps of joy and excitement. i will also say that it is very DIFFICULT to find this reaction later if your first leap is feeling in a sad way about it. so maybe if you want to trot back in your mind to those first few steps it would be helpful. maybe mentally trot to where you were pushed off a dang cliff and think "well was i pushed off a cliff or was i just told 'hey bud youve been floating this whole time?"'

because if youve been floating then DANG thats a lot of power. thats not falling. you can float up, you can float down, you can float side to side.

the next thing i will say AS AND ARTIST is that years of toiling and feeling aimless are NEVER actually aimless when it comes to creation. and to LIVE in a human body is to be an artist, because you are CONSTANTLY CREATING the future. when i am writing and i dont have an idea for my next book that can be frustrating, but it is also PART of the process. if i walk to the store to rustle up my mind, or wander around the park, or spend a whole WEEK feeling weird because of writers block THAT IS ALL PART OF MAKING GREAT ART. that is not wasted time. in other words, your years of toiling are not wasted time, that is just the process we all have when we are creating a future masterpiece.

#love is real #autistic #tingleverse

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nozunhinged · 6 months

Text

I finally managed to put my overall thoughts about Playboyy into words and hoooooo boy do I have a lot to say.

I watched the mdl ratings go down, the blatant hate towards the plot, the actors, the scenes, the sex. There was nothing that wasn't torn apart about this series and yet I wasn't phased for a second and I kept wondering why because usually get very passionate about defending the things I love.

And then I realized that this series is the cinematic embodiment of a very lonely path that I've been walking for decades and I am already very, very used to the shame around it.

Sex is not just my special interest, I also had the privilege to grow up with excellent sex education (thanks parents) and on top of that I never struggled with my (pan)sexual identity. Sex plays a significant role in my life. But I learned VERY quickly that I should keep this to myself if I don't want to be ostracized or bullied.

"You're autistic AND you like sex? You like porn? What the fuck is wrong with you??? That's impossible."

And all the comments I read about playboyy are exactly the same just in different fonts. Ew sex. Ew kink. Ew porn. Ew sex work. Sex can't have storytelling, plot, it's just for shock value. We all read it.

And sadly it's a very accurate representation of the role sex plays in our society. Which - ironically - playboyy exactly is about.

Playboyy is a visual collection of all the experiences of lives and people in which sex plays a significant role - even the lack thereof (looking at you zouey and all you lovely aces).

It's a collection of very important social commentary, with all the characters, sets, plots and visuals as a medium. Because this way, the points they make come across even stronger and draw out all the emotions they want us to feel - which is in the rarest cases, pure arousal. Because this is, in fact, storytelling. Even if many don't want to hear it.

Telling stories about sex is so stigmatized and shunned, it only has the tiniest place to exist freely. Just like sex itself. Every sex worker, sex educator, sex therapist, everyone who has a profession that deals with sex will tell you about it. The shame. The misunderstanding. Look at the state of sex work and porn in the world. It tells you everything you need to know.

And it's happening in the middle of the "modern" western society - Yes I'm talking about you, UK and I can't not plug this here:

*btw I am not a sex worker I'm just very passionate about letting people not just live their lives but giving them a CHOICE to do what they want or don't want to do

I existed in this tiny place for decades now and I got really comfortable in my tiny lil corner, but to see a show like this go "mainstream" talking about all the topics that tickle all the knowledge I collected over the years feels so amazing. And I can tell you, all you lil smartass purists, everyone involved in this show doesn't care an inch what you think, just like me. We're used to it, believe me.

I could go on for ages about how carefully all these topics of the show are treated but what I actually want to say is that I find it incredibly ironic that a show that depicts the struggles and stigmas about sex, exactly draws out the reactions and treatments it criticises.

If you don't want to join in on the fun, that's totally fine. I get that it's not for everyone (just like sex, he). But treating it as a piece of trash just because it's a thing you personally find icky is exactly the reason the issues Playboyy talks about exist in the first place. Hence you can thank your stuck-up ass yourself that debauched individuals like me get a gem like this to enjoy.

And the fact that it didn't just find a crew, but also the funding and the mainstream distribution proves that I'm not alone in this.

It's not my lonely little corner anymore and I'm absolutely thriving on that. Cry about it.

#playboyy the series #playboyy #playboyy meta #and no im not using tumblrs mature label for this because i like to love dangerously and want you to read it

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