#yeah theyre a bit shit but i fucking stayed up to 5 am last night. im allowed
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the silly little doodles i did on @badlydrawnscienceteam 's 4k stream!
#yeah theyre a bit shit but i fucking stayed up to 5 am last night. im allowed#hlvrai#nhlvrai#rats art tag#*bites you*#art
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remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?
cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry.
Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”
Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.
Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)
Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).
Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.
Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans
ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!
#hope this is marketable??#sort of just wanted to share my 4 am writing tbh#it doesn't make sense just go w it#parkner#peter parker#harley keener
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this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!
this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it
oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys
“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out
god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”
“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.” - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions
“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“
“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!”
Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!
“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot
i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait
“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg
“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!”
“Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again
“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.”
[...]
“That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG
“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized.
“I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!”
Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop
“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?”
“THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay
honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t
“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....
“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall!
He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.”
[...]
“A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?”
“...”
Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much
“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us
“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream
“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(
emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable
xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy
“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.” - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts
“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough
although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god
fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?
okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing
“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other.
This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)
okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl
“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king
the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(
that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool
but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*
#tgcf liveblog#it is Complete i can move on now#i actually have a lot more thoughts about hl because i uhhhh relate. to things. and have opinions due to my experiences#but its also quite Personal soooo i might just keep them tucked away#anyway im freeeeeee#mouse mumbles
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2020 Comeback Ranking: March Update
march sucked lmao but here’s this
here’s a link to my last update: (x)
Dreamcatcher - Scream: obviously haha. when a song comes out that’s better than scream, i’ll let you know.
Cignature - Nun Nu Nan Na: i’ve felt like it should be this high the entire time but only now am i bold enough to say it
Izone - Fiesta: another bold stance but idk, is this one as hot a take as cignature? like, fiesta’s a bop right? we’re all agreed? maybe we arent lmao but i think its a bop anyway
Loona - So What: im so proud of them!!! they got their first win this month!!! yeah idk, this song is always gonna be controversial and polarizing, but i like it a lot more than i dislike it, for sure. the choreo’s not as exciting, and the stages were empty without haseul and orbits, but the song in and of itself is good, it’s gonna remain stuck in my head all year.
Dreamcatcher - Endless Night: this song is cheesy as hell but whatever lmao. breaking every endless niiiiiiight
Cherry Bullet - Hands Up: in my last update i said “fairly simple lol this is just a weird bop” and i stand by that
NCT 127 - Kick It: at the beginning of the month i would have put this at number 2, but i havent listened to it as much lately. part of that is me finding more comfort during this quarantine nonsense by listening to girl groups and watching girl group vlogs and other content and stuff, but also part of that is just sort of the novelty wearing off a little bit, and some minor nitpicks i had becoming more prominent and hard to ignore now. tbh i still think this is in my top 3 nct 127 songs though, easily
Weki Meki - Dazzle Dazzle: it’s really hard for me to tell where i should place this. i love weki meki to death so i want it to be high, but i don’t like it as much as some other weki meki songs. i think it’s catchy, it’s weird, it’s veeeery bubblegummy (literally lol it has popping sound effects throughout it), but it’s good. it’s just a solid weki meki track, i guess. this is the song i’ve listened to the second most this year so far, apparently, but i’m not sure it’ll stay that way.
GFriend - Crossroads: i cant believe i had this at number 3 last time lol. everything i said about it still stands but i just dont think that stuff warrants number 3 anymore. i think it is an emotionally affecting song that got better every time i listened to it, and i think the stages for it were always pretty good, but you know... maybe this drop just reflects my need for more fast paced hype-up songs this past month cause those lend themselves better to escaping from the outside world haha
Itzy - Wannabe: it’s itzy and they own this 4th gen “teen crush” concept (i hate that term even though weki meki coined it and own it even more than itzy does lol), so of course it was gonna be good, but i think it’s still up for debate exactly how good it is. i dont think it’s as classic as dalla dalla or icy will go on to be. i dont even think wannabe is the best song from their mini album, lol. it’z me might be the best mini album of the year so far, tbh. i mean dont get me wrong, this song is good, and of course ive had its chorus and weird noisy production stuck in my head all month
honorable mentions (basically 11-15 except i didnt feel like writing things for these lol): Pentagon - Dr Bebe, Sunmi - Gotta Go, 3YE - Queen, Elris - Jackpot, Sejeong - Plant
and here’s a thing i’m doing for the first time this month... here’s my top 5 bsides of the year so far! its hard to compare these with title tracks since generally i listen to title tracks so much more, because theyre just like... a bigger deal, you know? i give title tracks more thought and criticism too. i’m trying to be better about listening to bsides this year though, but even still, i dont always listen to the bsides for a comeback, so this list is gonna be even more biased than my title track list. i dont care though cause like... so what? of course it’s biased lmao it’s my opinion, of course it’s subjective. anyway here it is
Dreamcatcher - Red Sun: the stages made me love this song even more and understand its aesthetic so much better, but even without that it was still one of the best bsides i’d ever heard from a group. part of me wants a Red Sun special clip, but part of me wants them to wait till Handong is back. it’ll probably never happen, but we can dream. anyway this song kills me with how good it is
Elris - This Is Me: this song slaps so fucking hard lmao. i’m not that into the dance break in the song, it kills the momentum a little bit, but damn this shit is such an adrenaline rush, i love it
Dreamcatcher - Sahara: we all joked about this song already, but seriously that special clip made it totally impossible to take this song seriously... which vastly improved it, in my opinion. this song becoming just something you headbang to and giggle about the “ra ra ra”s and the antics in the special clip made this song 10x better, and i already loved it to begin with lol. this song is such a fuckin anthem haha, a silly, powerful, just-good-dumb-fun anthem
Itzy - That’s A No No: this song has some of the most unique production i’ve heard in a kpop song. it’s downright nightmarish, this thing sounds like a fever dream
Izone - Open Your Eyes: idk what to say about this song other than that it’s an easy song to get lost in
actually there’s a tie for this spot... this song is tied with
Loona - Number One: idk what to say about this song other than that it’s an easy song to get lost in
#i was gonna put daydream but then i listened to open your eyes again and i realized that thats actually better#2020 comebacks#long post#o#writing
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30 Years
Dan x plus size!Reader
A/N: Another fic in two days of my last one? Holy shit that must be a new record. I combined two requests into one (one was a plus size reader and the other was the plot) because I could not think of a plot for the plus size request and I thought that the second request was so goddamn funny that I just had to combine the two. I also just have to mention that I am plus size so this was a story very close to home (I have tried to share a twin sized bed with someone and honest to god was the most uncomfortable thing - especially because I’m so big). Thank you to the two anonymous peeps who sent in the requests. Enjoy!! Moose :)
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“Do I look ok?” You asked, pulling at your dress as you stared into the mirror of your wardrobe, conscious of the way it stuck to your curves.
“Perfect” Dan said as he walked up to your worried form, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your shoulder. He looked up to the mirror and locked eyes with you, smiling, “You always look perfect, Y/N”
You frowned, “This is as far as I go. The dress is crossing the line alone, so there is no way I’m wearing heels. I’m sorry, I’m not. I’m wearing converse”
“Finished?” Dan laughed, letting you go to allow you to get your shoes that were carelessly thrown in a corner of the room, “It will be fine, love. Just a few hours of talking to your family and then we’ll head back to the hotel and crash”
“About that…”
“What? What have you done?” Dan asked, grabbing a jacket draped over the ass chair.
“Well…my mum asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her the next day and…I may or may not have agreed to stay at my parent’s house”
“Y/N!” He whined, beginning to button his jacket up.
“I’m sorry!”
“I just wanted to spend the night with you watching shit TV, eating a shit ton of sweets, chocolate and popcorn and-“
“I know, I know…I’m sorry. I wanted that too! I just…couldn’t tell her no. We can still watch Netflix at my parents’ house together?”
Dan frowned and sighed, “It’s a good thing I love you”
You smiled and kissed him, heading out to grab your bag from the hallway, “If we want to get to the dinner on time, we need to leave in the next 15 minutes. We can pick up lunch on the way”
“Ok. I’ll just go and say bye to Phil and then we’ll get going”
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“I don’t think I can go in” you voice was laced with panic as you sat in the car with Dan, looking straight ahead at the door to the hall where your parents were celebrating their 30th anniversary.
“Why?”
“I don’t feel comfortable. I haven’t seen half the people in there since I was 8. And I have put on quite a bit of weight since then. OK, a lot of weight…”
“And? Why does that matter?”
You looked at Dan, your eyes showing fear and he sighed, “You look absolutely beautiful. So what if you’re not stick thin? I don’t care. And neither should anyone in there”
“One comment about my weight from anyone, and I mean even my Aunt, we’re leaving”
“Understood” Dan chuckled, getting out the car quickly to help you out.
As the two of you walked towards the door, your Aunt had spotted you through the window and rushed to greet you first.
“Y/N!” She screamed, crushing you in the tightest hug you’ve ever had, “It has been so long! My have you grown! Put on a few extra pounds too!”
You looked over to Dan with a knowing and unamused look, scowling as he laughed breathily.
“Thanks” you cleared your throat, trying not to snap at her comment, “How have you been?”
“Fantastic, thank you. I’ve joined the local rock choir”
“That’s-that’s great” you smiled , knowing how badly her voice sounds.
“Now, who’s this you’ve bought along with you today? I’ve not seen you before” she smirked at Dan, making both of you uncomfortable.
“Dan, pleasure to meet you” he offered his hand but she embraced him in a tight hug, his expression matching yours.
“Please, come in, join the party!” She motioned towards the house, dragging Dan by his hand as you stifled a laugh behind him. When the three of you had entered again, your uncle called your aunt over to talk to other members of the family. She groaned and turned back to Dan, squeezing his hand.
“I hope to be seeing more of you, Daniel” she winked before leaving the two of you alone.
“I’m so sorry” you laughed, holding onto his arm as he laughed along with you.
“You see her often?”
“Nope”
“Thank fuck”
You chuckled, watching your aunt make questionable faces towards the two of you, “Come on, let’s go find my mum and dad”
—————————
“I would like to propose a toast” your dad announced as he stood up from his chair, the rest of the room quieting down, “To my wife. I have loved every minute of these 30 years being your husband. We have had the most beautiful daughter, who has clearly inherited all your good looks. All I can wish for is another perfect 30 years with you. To 30 years more!”
“30 years more!” The room repeated, the sound of clinking glasses filling the room. You smiled when your dad leant down to kiss your mum, the two of them smiling lovingly at each other.
“Think that will be us in 30 years?” A voice whispered in your ear, careful that your grandmother was sat right next to you who was more than desperate for you to marry and have children.
You turned your head to look at him, a smug smile on his face, “You’d want that?”
“More than anything”
“Is that a proposal?”
Dan opened his mouth in a speechless shock at his realisation which made you laugh, “I’m kidding”
Dan laughed nervously, leaning back and scratching the back of his neck, “Yeah, yeah I knew that”
“Mmhm, sure you did”
“Ladies and gentlemen” the band’s singer announced, “May everyone come to the dance floor for the lovely couple’s 30th first dance!”
Dan took your hand and led you to the edge of the dance floor, standing behind you with his hand on your waist as the two of you watched your parents lovingly dance together.
“I love you so much” Dan whispered into your ear, kissing behind it quickly and squeezing your waist, “I love you so much that I want to show you off to the world”
“Hmm? What?” You asked, only just focusing on what he was saying rather than watch your parents dance to the band’s slow song.
“Come on, hun” he said, moving around in front of you to drag you to the centre of the floor to meet your parents. You resisted and pulled your hand back, your eyes wide with fear.
“No. No way. I’m not dancing in front of all these people!” You shouted in a hushed tone, not wanting to draw attention to the two of you.
“Is this because you’re insecure?” He asked, wrapping his arms around you and trying to pull you onto the floor.
“Dan, I am not dancing with you when no one else is”
“Your parents are”
“Everyone will see me!”
“That’s the point” he smiled widely, starting to sway with you wrapped in your arms. You started to smile with him, giving into his cheeky attitude.
Dan had finally dragged you to the centre, smiling when you wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him gently, “Say, you’re pretty good at dancing, Mr.Howell. I’m very impressed”
“Despite what you may think, I have some hidden talents”
You saw the rest of the crowd look at you from the edge of the dance floor and you began to feel trapped. You cleared your throat and looked towards Dan’s feet, creating some distance between the two of you.
“Hey, woah…what are you doing?”
“Nothing” you said, avoiding eye contact with him.
“Stop. Stop feeling like this. You are the most beautiful woman in the room tonight-no-World. I want everyone to look at how beautiful you are and know how god damn lucky I am to call you mine”
“You don’t have to pity me like that, Dan”
“I mean it, Y/N. I don’t deserve to have you, yet here I am with this goddess of a human. Yes, you have a few curves but oh my god does that make me love you more. I have fallen in love with your curves more than I’ve fallen in love with you”
“Oh, charming Daniel” you chuckled, trying to hide your blush.
“I’m kidding. But I hope you know what I mean”
“I do” you smiled, “I love you too”
Dan pulled you in tighter and kissed you, not letting you pull back or move away from him which made the two of you laugh.
“I want to go home” you mumbled in Dan’s ear when he finally let you go.
“As soon as your parents want to go home, we’ll escape”
“I can’t wait to just relax and watch Netflix and eat crap food and-“
“All in good time, just keep dancing”
—————————
“Y/N?” Your mum placed her hands on your shoulders, waking you up from the short nap you were having on your on Dan’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry we kept you so long. We’re going to take off now so we can finally let you in to the house. You remember the way home from here?”
“We have sat nav. We’ll find it” you smiled, still sleepy, Dan placing his hand on yours.
“You two go now, we’re just going to thank the staff and band and we’ll be right behind you”
“We’ll see you in 30” Dan said, helping you up from your chair in your sleepy slumber, “You ok to drive, hun?”
“Find me some sweets and I’ll be good to go”
“I saved some from earlier, they’re in the car”
“This is why I love you”
Dan laughed as he led you towards the car, his fingers laced in yours. The drive was in a comfortable silence, Dan’s hands placed on your thigh, his thumb stroking it gently.
“Got a movie in mind for tonight?” He asked, breaking the silence.
You glanced over towards Dan momentarily, smiling at his childish grin, “What makes you think I want to watch a movie? What if I want to watch Friends?”
“No”
“Oh, come on! I love friends!”
“Yeah, I know. You’ve watched all the series 5 times with me alone, which says it all! I refuse to watch it again”
“Fine. We’ll just watch whatever is trending I guess”
“Don’t be mad”
“I’m not. Just…so tired” you yawned, drumming the steering wheel to keep yourself awake.
“Just a few more minutes” he grabbed your hand and kissed it gently.
The rest of the drive home was simple but you felt yourself falling asleep at the wheel and you couldn’t wait to just go to bed. Dan tried his best to keep you awake, and to some extent he was successful, as you both ended up at your parents house alive. It wasn’t long after that your parents arrived at home, apologising for their late arrival.
“I’m sure you two are exhausted so just head up to your old room, Y/N” your mother pointed up to the stairs, focusing on hanging all the coats on the rack.
“Don’t misbehave now” your dad joked, still slightly tipsy from the large amount of alcohol he had at the party, making you and Dan cringe and laugh in an awkward manner.
“If you need anything, just help yourself. You know where everything is, Y/N”
“Goodnight guys. Get dad in bed safely” your whispered to your mum as you kissed her goodnight.
“Sleep well you two” your mother said as you and Dan carried your bags to your old room.
You sighed as you climbed the stairs, listening to your dad slur out drunk comments to your mum which made her laugh.
“I swear if we’re even half as happy as your parents when we’re old and grey, then we’ve won at life” Dan whispered behind you as you finally reached your old bedroom door.
“I was kinda hoping we’ll be double as happy” you smiled, walking in to the teenage bedroom. The sight made the two of you stop in your tracks and stare open mouthed at your room.
“Oh my-“ you began, stopping when you heard Dan burst into a fit of laughter behind you, “This is far from funny, Daniel”
“It looks like a 12 year olds room!”
“Well they clearly haven’t changed it since I moved out” you sighed, throwing your bag onto the floor in frustration.
“And when did you move out?”
“When I was 18”
“HOLY SHIT!” Dan laughed, backing away from you as you tried to slap his arm.
“I think we have a slightly bigger issue than the atrocity that is this room”
“What?” Dan continued to giggle, wiping away the tears from his eyes. You pointed towards the twin sized bed.
“That. It is, in no way shape or form, going to fit both of us”
“Oh…” Dan finally stopped laughing, “Oh well. Guess you’ll just have to sleep on top of me then”
You deadpanned towards him, “Ok what you said before wasn’t that funny but THAT certainly wasn’t”
“I wasn’t trying to be funny”
“Dan, we both won’t fit. I am too big to sleep either next to you in that bed or on top of you. I will literally crush you. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow to find my boyfriend is dead from suffocation because his fat ass girlfriend cut off his air supply from squashing him to death!”
Dan stared at you sadly for a minute, making you feel awkward as ever.
“Do you really feel that bad about yourself?” He asked after a minute, “You really think of yourself as that fat that you can’t sleep in the same bed as me? You think you’ll suffocate me?”
“I always think that” You said solemnly, looking at the floor.
“Even at home?”
“Even at home”
Dan sighed sadly and stepped forward, carefully taking you into his arms. With his arms wrapped around you, you rested your head on his chest and started to cry quietly.
“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. I would not change any part of you if I could. Every single inch of you is perfect. Never, ever change”
You looked up at him, tears rolling down your cheeks, “You really really think that?”
“Yes, love” he kissed your forehead, “I always have done. From the moment I met you until the moment I die, I will always think that you’re the most beautiful thing on this earth”
“I don’t deserve you. You’re so kind and pretty and-“
“I’m not pretty. I am nothing compared to you”
“You are pretty. With your perfect curls and your perfect eyes and your perfect body”
“I’ll gain all the weight if that would make you feel better”
“Oh god, please don’t. Like, yes, eat pizza with me but keep this” you laughed, motioning towards his body, “I love this”
“And I love this” he motioned towards yours, kissing your hand and making his way up your arm to your lips, “Come on, get changed and let’s watch Friends”
“Really?” You asked excitedly.
“Yes, really” he smiled down at you, grabbing your bag and flinging it on the tiny bed, “Now hurry up and get that beautiful body changed”
“This isn’t going to work” you laughed quietly, once you were changed, as you tried to squeeze into your old bed, aware your mum was trying to get your dad to sleep, “Dan this is literally impossible. I am not going to fit in next to your 7ft fat ass!”
“I’m 6’3, Y/N”
“Still a giant”
You sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling Dan wrap his arm around your torso as you shuffled in next to him. Luckily, both your asses fit next to each other but you had to wrap your legs around each other.
“This is cozy” Dan mumbled into your hair, kissing your head gently.
“Shut up and get your laptop out” you said, trying to get into a comfortable position.
The two of you sat in comfortable silence in a not so comfortable position, watching the six people you had admired since your teenage years with the love of your life. As the night went on, you managed to find a comfortable position with your head on Dan’s chest and your body curled into his. His arm was tightly wrapped around your body, and he kissed your forehead when he noticed that you had fallen asleep. Carefully and slowly, he placed the laptop on the desk next to your bed and shuffled down, trying to not wake you up as he tried to also fall asleep in a comfortable position. Despite the fact that neither of you really fit in the same bed and you both felt beyond uncomfortable, the two of you fell asleep peacefully wrapped in each others arms. When Dan woke up the next morning, he smiled at your beautiful face laying on his chest, your breathing slow and steady. He could only wish that he would wake up like this everyday next to you for the next 30 years.
#dan x reader#dan howell#dan howell imagine#dan howell x reader#danisnotonfire#danisnotinteresting#danandphilgames#danandphil imagine#danandphil#dan and Phil#Phil lester#amazingphil#reader insert#theycallmemoosey
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Good Enough
Frank Castle x reader
words: 1.8k
warnings: slight praise kink, SMUT, fluff, sub-ish Frank, Frank bein a softy
summary: Frank doesn't understand how you could like him compared to Matt Murdock etc. when he thinks he's a monster so you show him just how good he is.
a/n: 1st Frank Castle fic but ugh i love this man so much. His character is perfect and he's a good man through and through and i just want him to see it. Please request:)
Masterlist
It was quite a long night, not to say that it wasn’t fun, but sometimes being normal was exhausting. You longed to just go back to your apartment and watch a movie with your boyfriend, in peace and quiet.
Matt and Foggy had helped you out with a legal predicament and you felt it necessary to repay them in drinks. They, along with Karen, were the closest thing you and Frank got to friends. They aided your domestic facade greatly and admittedly they were fun to be around, but you couldn’t deny the pull back to your regular situation.
You looked to Frank who had gone off to fetch another round. He hadn’t spoken much tonight, granted he never really does. The two of you didn’t need words, but it was a bit awkward around Matt for obvious reasons. When he returned passing the beers around you made eye contact. He looked tired, Matt had also been helping Frank at night and that always seemed to make him exhausted.
You yawned as you began to sip on your fresh beer.
“I think this is my last drink guys, I’ve had a great night and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Really I do.”
“No problem Y/N seriously you're our friend, we only wish you’d come around more often,” Foggy said.
“Oh come on we see each other enough,” you grinned.
“Yeah when either you or Frank’s asses need saving,” Karen giggled.
Frank wrapped his arm around you pulling you closer in the booth.
“Yeah right! I recall helping you pretty recently,” you argued recalling the time Karen needed advice from you about asking Matt out.
“Touché,” she rolled her eyes.
After a while longer of chit chatting you finished your beer and decided to call it a night. Frank offered a few words and the two of you left into the New York air.
“You were having fun we could’ve stayed longer,” Frank said absentmindedly pulling you closer to him.
“Nah I didn’t want to ‘sides I know you’re tired.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” you smirked, “I know Matt always makes you incredibly exhausted what with his do-good ways and hope.”
“I don’t get why you stick around you know that?”
His words caused you to stop and turn to him. He felt like he wasn’t good enough for you like he was tainting you in some way.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“People like Red, they’re good. I’m clearly not-“
“Frank, you think I give a fuck about any of that? That law abiding citizen shit? There is nothing wrong about what you do, I admire everything about you. I’m not looking for a picket fence life with a husband who works 9 to 5, I knew what I signed up for and I’m still here for that Frank. I fucking love you, you got that?”
“Jeez Y/L/N when you put it like that,” he mumbled.
The both of you began to walk again, but what he said weighed on you. You knew his response was just good enough to finish the conversation, yet you felt he was still doubtful. He would always say shit about how “he didn’t deserve you” and he’d “understand if you left”, but in some ways, you were just as dirty as him. You were no saint and he knew it too.
When you were inside of your apartment you both kicked your boots off. You headed to the fridge and grabbed a water. He walked into your guys’ bedroom and you heard the shower begin to run.
While you waited for him you changed into an old t-shirt of his and crawled into bed. You couldn’t help thinking about what he felt. You didn’t need him to speak to get across what he needed but he rarely let himself get emotional. He’d express his love for you and say it too, but you knew he kept the other feelings hidden, the ones where he’s scared etc.
The shower finally shut off and he came out with a towel wrapped around his waist. His back was faced to you as he reached into the dresser for a pair of sweatpants. You stood from the bed and moved behind him. Your hands flitting to his shoulder blades and crisscrossing across his scars. He tensed but relaxed immediately as you slowly moved along his back.
“You know I love you Frank.”
“I know.”
“And you know you’re good enough,” you continued.
“Yeah, I just-“
“No Frank, you’re good. I don’t care about any of the bad shit you do, every bit of you is good.”
He inhaled, his shoulders rising. You pulled on him to face you. When he did your hand went up to grasp his bicep and your face slid into the crook in his neck.
“You’re so good, you’re good to me and that old lady in 23 who is always breaking things in her apartment, but it’s really just an excuse to have you in there because she thinks you’re handsome. You do good every night, and killing people doesn’t make you any less.”
As you continued to speak you kissed his collarbone softly.
“I don’t deserve you,” He whispered.
“I think the same thing Frank.”
You looked into his eyes and he leaned into you more. He leaned into your hands and the way you caressed him. He didn't have to say it that he needed this, you just knew.
You tugged gently at the towel on his waist until it fell. You inhaled deeply, his breath mingling with yours as he pulled you in for a kiss. The kiss was deep and solid. His lips moving languidly but firmly on yours. Your hands continued to work on his shoulders. His own grabbed at your waist and then dipped to the small of your back pulling you more into him.
He was rarely vulnerable, but here with him standing naked in front of you, you felt it. You felt him surrendering himself to you and you couldn’t be more enthralled. You grinned on his lips, biting his lower lip softly, earning a deep groan from him.
Sex with Frank was usually raw and controlling. You couldn’t lie that being fucked roughly from behind and spanked right now sounded amazing, but that’s not what Frank needed at the moment.
Cautiously you moved your hand down his chest as the kiss deepened. Your nails scraped on the indents of his abs until you reached just above his thigh. He grunted deeply and you could feel his cock twitch upwards. You pulled away for breath and quickly removed yourself of his shirt leaving you in just your panties.
His gaze fixed to your breasts, your nipples peaking at his gaze and the cool air. His calloused hands moved to grab them. He kneaded them and tweaked them causing you to keen towards him, soft moans leaving your lips.
You wrapped your hands around his neck and pulled him to kiss you again, deeper this time. You slowly shifted until the back of his knees were at the bed and you were in front of him. He sat and looked at you waiting to see what you would do.
“Fuck Frank you’re beautiful,” you murmured kissing him again with the same fervor. He grunted again his hips slightly snapping up from the bed. You grabbed his hand that caressed your cheek and moved it to your clothed pussy.
“See how wet I am, fuck, a-all for you.”
He teased your folds through the cloth and you could feel him smirk on your lips. You quickly discarded you panties and moved to straddle him on the bed. He scooted back farther to accommodate you. You were a moaning mess now as his fingers began to stroke your cunt. His thumb working your clit and two fingers shallowly pushing into you.
“Shit, oh god,” you moaned as you felt him working you closer.
But this was about him. You were going slow for him, to prove to him that he was good and worth everything. You grabbed his wrist to stop him and then moved your hand to his cock. A bead of precum slowly leaked out and your hand worked slowly on him. You pulled deep grunts from him before you moved to position him at your entrance.
“You’re so good to me,” you moaned, your mouth moving towards his ear where you tugged at.
He grunted as you slowly pushed down on him until he was fully sheathed in your tight cunt. Your breathing was labored focusing on how full you were.
“Fuck I love your cock, you fill me so well. I-“
His lips crashed into yours again. You pushed up on your knees slightly and began to swivel up and down on him. Both of your grunted as cursed as you began fucking yourself onto him at a slow but forceful pace.
His lips moved to suck marks onto your neck and then your chest, then finally your tits.
“Oh god, Frank- I’m so close shit,” you moaned.
His name was repeatedly leaving your lips and he began to buck his hips to meet your thrusts as your walls fluttered around his cock.
“Fuck Y/N I love you.” He grunted louder.
His cock was spasming just as you felt the bundle of nerves tighten in your abdomen to the point of breaking. You felt his every thrust and relished in the thickness of it. Your hands reached at his shoulders digging in as you sped up yet again. You were bounding on him now chanting his name. He grunted and bit your shoulder just as you walls clenched around him. You came at that moment and sobbed his cock twitching and then filling you as he followed you into bliss.
“You’re so good,” you said once more and kissed his shoulder.
You slowly got up off your knees and pulled away from him. Your legs shook as his cock left you. You wiped the both of you clean and then crawled into bed. He followed you and grabbed you, pulling you into his chest. He kissed your forehead then tucked you under his chin.
“Thanks, sweetheart.”
“For what?”
“Reminding me I’m not always a monster,” he said casually.
“In my eyes you never were.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too Frank.”
He kissed you again and then flipped on the tv. Neither of you liked total silence at night and the soft flicker of the tv was calming. You got lightly absorbed into the show as you watched from his chest.
“Y/N?”
“Hmmm,” you mumbled with your face pressed against him.
“I’m fucking you into the sheets tomorrow morning and then making you breakfast.”
“I was counting on that,” you kissed his pec.
You both chuckled softly and then resumed your silence. Sleep overtook you both.
#frank castle#pete castiglione#matt murdock#karen page#foggy nelson#matt murdock imagine#frank castle imagine#daredevil#the punisher#punisher#the punisher smut#punisher x reader#frank castle smut#frank castle x reader#frank castle x you#frank castle fluff#marvel's defenders#matt murdock and frank castle
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Could we get some headcanons/more background on Abbey and Doyle’s kids? 🥺👉👈 I love the premise of this AU
YEEEEE (im just gonna ramble a bunch about the backstory i have so far but ill put it in bullets so its easier to follow lol i apologize for it being long as fuck-)
OKAY SO,,, first of all,,, doyle and abbey timeline,,,, [i am looking respectfully]
in this au, they get back together and have a sort of ‘lovers pretending to be enemies’ chaotic on again/off again hookup thing off to the side just between the two of them thru like Most of the final season, they try to keep it a secret (especially doyle who doubts the saturdays would be hAPPY if he was seeing her again) but in the end, saturdays ofc find out, probably are unsure about it at first, but she gains enough of their trust to be there for the big finale battle in the weird world mansion.
when shit goes down and argost becomes the vessel for the two opposing kurs (regular kur, and the anti kur from zak monday) and they like. explode his matter or w/e, i imagine instead of kur just completely disappearing, the ‘anti kur’ gets shot back to its universe, while original kur gets forced into a new vessel in this universe... the closest of which happens to be the unborn child abbeys unknowingly carrying. basically, what if the two kurs just LOOKED like they evaporated but actually did what happens when you try to like tape two same sides of a magnets together and they YEETED-
So thats how we have Parker, their firstborn daughter! and this... also implies ‘Parker Monday’ exists which. 8^) i havent thought about yet so forgive me on that but hoo,
they dont know parker is kur, they got no idea and rly just assume kur is gone for good. but after they find out abbeys pregnant (which is a huge emotional trip for both of them in its own right) they do eventually sort of agree they dont want their kid exposed to that whole world of mystery. like, ik its a vital thing to the whole family, and ik these two people were probably voted least likely to ‘settle down’ in high school, but i cant imagine they didnt escape the kur/zak situation without a LOT of trauma, so while the saturdays stay in the cryptozoology field, doyle and abbey slowly pull away from the mystery and mercenary stuff, and also instead of going for big dollar lifestyle settle with ‘independently wealthy’ parenting.
also, neither of them really . grasp the concept that theyve even started a family, and are ‘together’, and that this is REAL, until around when she gets pregnant with their second daughter, Kendall. and then theyre like. oh nooo wait are we actually like boyfriend and girlfriend EWW-
when kendall is born parker is 3, and the next like 10+ years are pretty smooth sailing. as far as what the kids know/see, they probably know the cryptids when theyre little but. (tw animal death sORRY TO BE DARK I JUST??????) idk,, how long komodo dragons live/how old komodo already is and i definitely dont know Anything about giant prehistoric birds and am not even sure if science knows that lifespan, so. im not sure how long they could really be in each others lives??? i almost imagine parker would have memories of them that she assumes she remembers wrong, like “oh yeah they used to have a lizard and a bird... my imaginative little kid brain thought they were a komodo dragon and a dinosaur”, and as for fisk im still working on it but i . actually kind of imagine he might have a much longer lifespan (since lemurians are like ancient or w/e? and also if hes by dna like a gorilla cat or w/e gorillas at least live long af) and also feel like once he got older and settled down a bit he might live somewhere in the woods, maybe even his old tree? and the saturdays see him ALL the time obviously, but hey zaks gotta go to college eventually, a gorilla cats gotta eat bugs in forest, we all have to grow up and leave the nest sometime,
so idk the last time parker has actually seen fisk and she might assume he was an imaginary friend or smth but, 1. if i do write a fic they absolutely have to meet again, 2. overall the vibe is they know the saturdays are cryptozoologists, like, the same way josh gates does destination truth, seeking answers and studying, they dont really. know that theyre REAL. to them its like, a hypothetical science. (this is also part of why they dont realize parker is kur, she isnt around cryptids and therefore whenever her powers would actually show up they wouldnt be recognized) anyways parker isnt embarrassed or put off by it but just thinks its a little wacky, meanwhile kendall is obsessed with the world of mystery/paranormal/cryptic lol
speaking of the girls personalities;;;
parker is like. not really normie/preppy, even if she seems it at first glance, shes nice and has a good head on her shoulders but also is a teenage girl (inherently unhinged) and shes THEIR teenage girl (+5 feral) so despite her success and charm shes also very witty/crass when she wants to be, and deep down shes closer to the kind of person that would on pure inexplicable instinct put something random in your mouth when you’re yawning so you bite down on it afterwards. or like. that video of the girl singing in the bathroom while her friends curl their hair and she grabs the curler to use as a microphone before realizing its burning hot??? shes. the voice of reason, but the voice is usually shrieking in fear, making a cursed joke, or half the time whatever shes saying is actually smart. she kinda wants to go to college and travel, but struggles with indecisiveness and anxiety, so she has no idea where to go, what to major in, etc. and is again kinda just livin thru the typical teen life in that regard
kendall on the other hand is like. weird kid culture, the kind of kid that believes they are secretly a new supernatural creature each year (mermaid phase, werewolf phase, alien phase, etc), probably completely accidentally starts cults or witch covens at school (didnt realize teaching peers how to become ‘blood brothers’ and ‘make potions’ from puddles and stolen school supplies would be taken so seriously by parents) , very into emo/scene/punk/alt culture but not rly in an overtly dark/edgy way, more of a having fun and expressing self way. she wants answers for everything, really loves mysteries and being open minded, and definitely a rebel/adventurer at heart, even if she gets naive or in over her head sometimes.
the girls get along well! parker is not dismissive of kendall she just. isnt really into the same stuff/is more freaked out by it most of the time, but she would tag along on certain adventures, especially if it was to keep her safe. and kendall definitely directs gentle mockery towards parker a lot but does see her as a good role model and guiding figure, their bond is really strong!
other details !
doyle and abbey prob decide to say fuck it and get married after kendall is born, they probably have a few rough patches but nothing is more important to them than the kids now and in the end they understand each other better than anyone else so . canon tension idk her! family ftw! power couple! they intimidate the teacher during parent teacher conferences together hand in shady little hand !
their parenting style is exactly what one would imagine, 70% fun and sass and controlled chaos where theyre the bigger children than their children, 15% ‘this is how you hack the government and dual wield swords-- i was not supposed to teach you that im sorry’, and 15% actual guidance / emotional depth / etc. flaws might be overcoming their own immaturity for the first few years, and then being lowkey overly protective (while claiming they arent, but just bc you semi jokingly tell parker she should join the football team doesnt mean you dont actually hide 60% of ur life from her and check that her bedroom windows are locked every night and have 24 people listed in her school emergency contacts and used to cut up her food till she was 7 and-)
so abouT THE BABY BOY (Phoenix), 1. his middle name is leonidas bc im gay and i love emotional turmoil babes , 2. fully unironically the idea behind such a late pregnancy is abbey would be mid fourties when hes born right. so like. [has two kids] ‘ok birth control time’ [when theyre teens many years later] ‘ok im old enough to stop taking this’ [the hyperfertility curse that plagues many women rears its ugly head with one last hoo-rah]
and finALLY a very quick elevator pitch of what id write an actual fic to focus on;;; kendall sneaks into the attic to look for old shit bc they BOTH know their parents have been hiding stuff over the years, she finds things like a cryptopedia (now offline), the claw, maybe even a piece of the kur stone, and ropes parker into the long haul of figuring out what all this stuff is. and ofc the second they ever find the naga relic and parker comes face to face with it, [rest in rip] time for mom and dad to find out and all this kur shit to start ALL over again-
#long post/ //#tw animal death ment//#GOD THIS IS SO LONG IM SRY--#idk what to call thsi au forreal yet so ill just tag it as#dabbey baby au#TY FOR ASKING THO HEART HANDS
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little things we can do for the environment
a/n ok before anything GURL there are a lot of links tagged bc i didn’t rly expect this to be a long post and some will be further explained in a separate post ! maglilink naman aq pag nagawa na may edit button naman HAHAHAHA but ya this is a bit taglish but mostly english kase conyo tayo chz but yaaaaa
i would say disregard any grammatical errors or flaws but i like comments and criticisms. this isnt formal writing at all kase this was rushed kase naexcite ako,,,,, ayun ok i shld stop talking leTS GET DIS BREAD
nowadays, a lot of people have been inventing machines that help in saving the planet but the easiest and most simple thing that have a huge impact on our environment is following the 3R’s.
REDUCE
here is a list of things on what you should reduce
1. single-use plastic consumption
this is the most obvious material we should refrain from buying. i know it’s tempting but don’t buy that candy, or that water bottle. as they say:
if you don’t buy crap from companies they’ll stop making crap.
think about it, that candy you’ll buy comes with a plastic food packaging. that plastic’s purpose is to cover the candy from anything that can contaminate it, but once the candy is opened he plastic no longer has purpose and will be thrown away on the trash can. that piece of plastic was used once but will LAST FOR DECADES, and in those decades the plastic will go through a lot of.. things. y’know like…
other than plastic interrupting the food chain, we can literally kill all animals with the plastic bags choking them or filling up their stomachs with plastic. we’ve all seen the turtle with a straw stuck inside its nose.
truly heartbreaking. this video started a petition to ban straws, but please STRAWS ARE NOT THE ONLY PLASTIC PRODUCT HARMING MARINE LIFE.
here are videos that prove so:
Plastic Ocean | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju_2NuK5O-E
Plastic is killing marine wildlife | #OceanRescue | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhksqkC6WV0
See How It Feels to Be an Ocean Animal Stuck in a Plastic Bag | National Geographic | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaDx-WJAsaE
now you can say “I don’t litter so how am I harming these animals? I throw my trash properly.” but no, buying from companies that produce plastic makes YOU part of the problem.
the plastic you throw away “properly” adds into the landfill. as i’ve mentioned before, plastic lasts for decades. if we don’t reduce our plastic consumption, we will soon have a mountain of plastics. less plastic u buy, less plastic is produced.
next time you buy from the mall, don’t tempt yourself from buying beverages and/or foods that come with plastic food packaging. if possible, bring your own food containers and a reusable tote bag or don’t buy at all. quit saying “it’s just one time” a lot of people say that everyday and see what problem we’re facing now? overproduction and overconsumption of plastic asshole. say no to single-use plastic !
2. printing
this one’s new to me and im sure most of you are as shocked as i am. i always thought it was only because we were wasting so much paper by printing documents and other things that don’t really mean anything (tama na pagprint ng pix ng kras niyo mga burnok), but we keep buying cartridges.
here’s a tip: use recycled paper and reuse toner cartridges. I got that here https://www.colorado.edu/ecenter/zero-waste/reduce/paper-and-printer-waste. it says here that it costs wayyy less money cause duh reusing and reducing??? lam mo na yan mag-isip ka chz
3. electronics/appliances anything that consumes electricity
this one. this is something that’s hard for many of us to reduce and i admit im one of those who have a hard time letting go of their phone and uses the light the whole night.
PHONE: for iphone users like me (weird flex but ok), apple produces a new model every now and then and it makes a lot of apple users buy the newest model. don’t be like them no matter how much money u have that u want to flex (money cant help you survive when earth is dying sis) also, iphones don’t really last a looong time for many users since it’s kinda breakable and well it slows down after a while lmao
my tip is buy what you think will last for a long time (coming from me eh) for you and if you want, try buying secondhand phones. for phones you broke that you piled up in a box (yep i do that), you can replace some parts of it that broke it or give it to recycling centers. According to the University of Colorado Boulder, phones have metals that can still be “reused and salvaged such as aluminum, gold, silver, copper and iron.” NEVER THROW AWAY PHONES OR ANYTHING ALIKE ! “The circuit boards contain arsenic, lead, mercury, and other toxins. The batteries contain heavy metals that are lethal to the land. Many of the chemicals in cell phones have the potential to be released into the air when burned and can create air pollution.” (Second Wave Recycling, 2013) This means that the phone you’ll throw away will intoxicate the landfill. just think about insects flying around and possibly animals eating garbage
4. water
do i even have to explain myself? hm maybe.
shower with a partner shower together
jk but seriously, save water. take shorter showers and please refrain from using the heater. here’s an article to further elaborate https://slate.com/technology/2009/10/exactly-how-bad-should-i-feel-about-taking-hot-showers.html
5. fast fashion
oh you have no idea how much shopping can affect the environment. i didn’t know before either. but not only is the environment affected but also who work for companies that sell fast fashion.
a. people have been treating clothes as disposables. clothes that don’t fit the trend nowadays either get thrown away or just stay in the corner of a cabinet.
b. theyre cheap. and by cheap, i mean CHEAP. most of fast fashion clothing don’t last long that they end up in the landfill. even if you donate/sell it, chances are they’ll be rejected due to poor quality.
c. “. . most garments (especially fast fashion ones) are made with inexpensive, petroleum-based fibers that don’t easily decompose (such as polyester, nylon, and acrylic), they’re going to be taking up landfill space for decades to come.” (Wood, K.) As Cline points out;
“people generally recycle plastic bottles or avoid buying them in the first place, but people are pretty okay with buying lots of plastic clothing”
next time you think of buying from forever 21 or zara, think about it. they are simply made NOT to last. think about the exploited workers, the products you could’ve gotten for a cheaper price if they were made locally, and the effect on the environment. do you really want to support companies that only gives a fuck about their sales?
read more in these articles: 8 Reasons to Rethink Fast Fashion| https://www.lifehack.org/articles/money/8-reasons-rethink-fast-fashion.html
Fast Fashion Is the Second Dirtiest Industry in the World, Next to Big Oil | https://www.ecowatch.com/fast-fashion-is-the-second-dirtiest-industry-in-the-world-next-to-big--1882083445.html
6. meat and dairy
as a meat-lover myself, this was the hardest thing to do. im basically a carnivore since i hate veggies but i do eat a lotta ass fruits so no need to judge sis. but yeah this is so important yet so hard.
if you can, only buy products that are vegan. it doesn’t necessarily have to be food if it’s too difficult for you to let go. you can also have a #meatlessmonday or not eat meat 1-2 days a week.
this post is long enough so here’s an article to help u: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/may/31/avoiding-meat-and-dairy-is-single-biggest-way-to-reduce-your-impact-on-earth
7. waste
all in all, reduce waste. avoid throwing away literally anything. aim for a zero waste lifestyle and i can give tips in my next post on how you can reduce waste.
REUSE
this is soooo hard to do. trust me, i would know BUT it is doable by an average person so shut the f*ck up and use that ugly reusable water bottle your aunt gave you. i don’t care how rich you are and how you can afford a lot more, but what does it matter if they wont be used much and be thrown away when it gets old?
avoid throwing things away and think about how it can still be useful to you or someone else. not everything useless to you is useless to everyone. let someone else find purpose for it or repurpose it yourself.
donate, not discard. choose reusable, not disposable.
RECYLE
1. plastic
this is the most important thing we have to do now especially with plastic. now note that not all plastic can be recycled. it’s important to know what type of plastic can be recycled and what shouldn’t
so as it states, 1&2 are recyclable which is what you would see on a water bottle. it means you should throw your plastic bottles in the recycling bin. here are things you should avoid and things you should recycle
BUT OK BEFORE YOU DO THROW THAT BOTTLE IN THE RECYCLING BIN JUST A QUICK NOTE
PLEASE REMOVE THE PLASTIC LABEL AND DO A QUICK RINSE ON THE BOTTLE! IT LITERALLY TAKES A FEW SECONDS OF YOUR TIME.
bottles that still have the label on are considered trash and are thrown away instead of being recycled. if u ask “why don’t they just take off the label? it takes a few seconds as u said” well dipshit they have more bottles to worry about so if i were you i wouldn’t be lazy piece of shit and take off the label.
bottles that contained sugar drinks should have a quick rinse & make sure there is no left over ! not rinsed = trash. do i have to go scientific and geeky as to why they should be rinsed? i think not lmao
for the plastic i find that can no longer be recycled (ex. shopping bags, food packaging, small pieces of plastic i see lying on the ground), i put them in an ecobrick which i will explain in my next post.
2. paper
paper can also be recycled. collect all those newspapers, cardboard, cereal boxes, failed quiz papers, rejected thesis papers and notes from your ex-boyfriend. all of them. don’t throw them away, or worse burn them. papers can still be given another chance at life by being remade. all of the papers should not be mixed with any plastic or wax coating.
TRIVIA: Recycling one ton of old paper saves 17 trees; 2 barrels of oil (enough to run an average car for 1,260 miles); 4,100 kilowatts of energy (enough power for the average home for 6 months); 3.2 cubic yards of landfill space; 7,000 gallons of wate; and 60 pounds of air pollution.
3. glass materials
products that are packed in glass glass jars and bottles like RC or your local nata de coco jar are recyclable as well although i’d prefer to reuse them.
TRIVIA: Recycling one glass bottle saves enough electricity to light a 60-watt bulb for four hours.
4. books
no. i don’t mean sell it to the junkshop but if u want to, go for it. although there are a lot of people who’d rather secondhand books than new ones so sell/donate your old books to those in need !
5. clothes
i’ve mentioned this before already but i’ll say it again. buy secondhand clothes. theyre not gross and you wont look like those typical katip pipol that all wear the same shoes and/or polo shirts charet. you’ll even help save the planet.
*note: it is still better to reduce than recycle so still avoid buying plastic and lessen use of paper. but, you do gain money from selling paper and plastic so start collecting your friends’ and family’s junk.
by doing the 3R’s, you can save energy and natural resources and help prevent environmental issues coming from the landfill and pollution. not only are you helping save the environment but you’re also saving money by reducing your purchase, reusing what you already have and promoting recycling.
a/n ulet this is my first post and i’ll be sure to post more tips and help raise awareness. my writing may have flaws and i accept any criticisms to improve ! help me be better and to save the environment:)
check out another article related to this one:
http://www.irondequoit.org/community/green-initatives/16-community/125-why-should-i-reduce-reuse-or-recycle
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@annawrites tagged me in this ask meme thingy so here we go!!
1. coke or pepsi: neither!
2. disney or dreamworks: i... do not care
3. coffee or tea: coffee. preferably with extra shots of espresso.
4. books or movies: books!
5. windows or mac: I AM SO BAD AT USING MACS THE DOUBLE SCROLL THING ENDLESSLY CONFUSES ME so windows
6. dc or marvel: marvel!
7. x-box or playstation: secret option #3: pc
8. dragon age or mass effect: never played either!
9. night owl or early riser: i go to bed early and sleep in late b/c i need a solid 12 hours to function #justlittledepressionthings
10. cards or chess: cards
11. chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
12. vans or converse: i’ve never worn either
13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: .......???????
14. fluff or angst: FLUFF 100%
15. beach or forest: beach
16. dogs or cats: as i am a Literal Puppy..... dogs
17. clear skies or rain: clear skies with lots n lots of sun!!!!!!
18. cooking or eating out: i’m a god awful cook but i also hate going to restaurants other than IHOP. also pls appreciate the self restraint it took to not make an “eat pussy” joke
19. spicy food or mild food: i’m That Bitch that walks into chipotle like... is this water spicy?? honestly i have 0 tolerance for spice
20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: i don’t like either v much, but halloween, if only bc u can literally wear a corset and bunny ears and no one cares, which is the hoe shit i approve of
21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little too hot
22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: NONE of that mind-reading crap. probably something basic like super-strength or a nature related power!
23. animation or live action: live action
24. paragon or renegade: ?????
25. baths or showers: showers
26. team cap or team ironman: cap
27. fantasy or sci-fi: fantasy
28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they:
enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation
turn soft and lovely any time you have the chance
i want to be the owner of my own trouble
29. youtube or netflix: netflix!
30. harry potter or percy jackson: oh you know i dont really prefer either EXCEPT THAT HARRY POTTER IS THE SUPERIOR SERIES THANK U AND GOODNIGHT
31. when you feel accomplished: after finishing an essay or cleaning up a bit
32. star wars or star trek: star trek!
33. paperback books or hardback books: paperbacks, but only bc theyre easier to bend around and write in.
34. to live in a world without literature or without music?: what kinda bullshit
35. what’s one thing you hope to accomplish in life?: helping ppl
36. who was the last person to make you laugh? myself bc im HILARIOUS
36. which is better: sour or sweet candy? sweet
37. do you believe in aliens? yeah
38. dawn or dusk? dawn, bc theres nothing like staying up all night and hearing the birds chirp and looking at that beautiful sky and thinking “aw shit i fucked up”
39. piercings or tattoos? POR QUE NO LOS DOS
40. physical book or kindle? physical
41. fantastic beasts or cursed child: i havent read either, but given the fact that cursed child is literally my immortal on crack cocaine..... fantastic beasts
42. rock or pop music: rock
43. big cities or small towns: big cities! small towns are cute for a lil bit but i get bored really easily
44. girls? always
45. volcanoes or black holes? FUCK A BLACK HOLE, VOLCANOES ARE WHERE ITS @
46: Favourite language (either to listen to, or that you can speak): english bc its wild and fucked up and honestly? i relate
47: sun or moon? SUNSHINE SUNSHINE, ITS FINE, I FEEL IT IN MY SKIN, WARMING UP MY MIND
48: perfume or cologne? perfume
49: favourite season? summer!
my question:
50: what fictional world would you live in, given the chance?
aaaand i tag @metalarmsolid @folivorah & anyone who wants to!
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HOLY SHIT
So last night i went to the opening of this brewery called Boomtown Brewery (it’s very good, 10/10 recommend), and on the way there my coworker called dibs in the car, so of course being me and a bro i respected that. We get there and i meet there eat of her friends and her buddy she's been flirting with for the past few months, he acts pretty normal with me and he's really flirting with my coworker so I'm v happy for her! I didn't plan on bar hopping cause i drove there and thought that was gonna be it but we ended up going to Clifton’s and i fell in love with the place omfg. So we get there and he buys my drink and my coworkers cause i thought he was just being nice so i get a drink. We all sit down and about 20 min into being there he starts flirting with me and I'm kinda surprised cause he didn't seem to be interested in me at the first bar so i kinda just ignore it but i am flattered ngl. As the night goes on he slowly starts to make more advancements and I'm kinda just really trying to ignore it, then my coworker decides to go to the bathroom and I'm at the table with her buddy and the rest of her friends. Flirty guy looks at one of the other guys there and says he needs to talk to him and they both go into a corner and talk but THEYRE STARING AT ME SO I FIND IT SUS. When they both get back, flirty guy tells me he needs to talk to me but he leads me to a corner ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE ROOM, PUTS HIS HANDS ON MY LOWER BACK AND TELLS ME THAT HES INTO ME AND NOT MY FRIEND AND SAYS WE SHOULD HOOK UP AND THEN KISSES ME AND IM FUCKING SHOCKED AND KISS HIM BACK. Not even 5 seconds into us making out i stop it and i tell him “I CANT DO THIS CAUSE MY COWORKER CALLED DIBS”, AND HE TRIED TO CONVINCE ME THAT IT’S FINE AND KISSES ME AGAIN BUT I BREAK THE KISS AND I TOLD HIM “I CANT CAUSE I DONT WANT TO HURT HER CAUSE SHE REALLY LIKES YOU AND SHED BE PISSED” then i said i was going back to the table and we make our way back and when he realizes she isn't there yet he starts to go back to the corner but i stay there AND GOOD THING CAUSE 2 MIN LATER SHE SHOWS UP. We stay there for a little bit longer but the whole time he's trying to convince me to go back to his apartment with him and touching my lower back but the whole time he's doing this he's also flirting with her and i could tell cause i was sober??? I couldn't stay any longer cause i fucking felt bad about the whole thing and before we got to this bar she said she didnt want a ride home from me cause she wanted to try to sleep with the guy but she said shed call me an uber to my car which was at the brewery. SO i say my goodbyes to everyone and FLIRTY MCFUCKER TRIES TO KISS ME INFRONT OF HER BUT I DODGE HIM AND HUG EVERYONE ELSE BUT HE KEEPS WATCHING ME, AND WE’RE ON THE TOP FLOOR (4TH) HE FUCKING FOLLOWS US DOWN THE STAIRS BUT MY FRIEND DOESNT NOTICE BUT I DO AND IM SO SURPRISED. We get outside and i think he's near the door or whatever but i don't want to look, she hugs me goodbye and i get in but then i see him outside and we make eye contact and i smile cause you know i think thats the last ill see of him. THIS FUCKER RUNS AFTER MY UBER AS IT’S TAKING OFF, CATCHES UP CAUSE WE’RE NOT FAR AND HE SAYS” so my place?” IM SO FUCKING SURPRISED HE CHASED AFTER MY FUCKING UBER TO BANG ME. i said i couldnt do that to her and he says “it'll be fine but ok, ask her for my #”, then PROCEEDS TO TRY TO KISS ME WHILE IM IN THE UBER BUT I SHOVE MY HAND IN HIS FACE AND TELL HIM TO GO. I looked at the uber driver and said “I'm so sorry”, he laughs and says “wow you really wanted to get away from the guy huh?” i start laughing and explain this whole story to him and yeah that was my fucking night. Best part is, he's a 30 year old manager at Regal live in DTLA and he never asked how old i was cause i got in both places that served alcohol lmao.
Also if she hadnt called dibs i probably would've slept with him or proceeded to make out with him cause he was funny and thats what made him cute so i felt terrible. And yes i told her the following day.
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[SF] [FF] Bam Margera fan fiction
Mars, June 20th 2041, 50KM SW of the capital city of Bezos.
“Where the fuck is this asshole?” Bam wonders. The asshole he was referring to was “Chevy Joe”, an informant of his occasionally. He says he was given the nickname by friends due to his love of Chevy trucks, Bam knows however the he appointed the name to himself. “Nothing worse than an asshole with a self appointed nickname” he thinks.
The day was rough, shit the last 30 years have been rough. Most of them spent in shit hole bars like the one hes in now. “Cant believe hes been gone 30 years now” bam thinks to himself. He can still remember it like it was yesterday, drinking back home in West Chester. Starting early, finishing late. They closed down the bar, said their good byes, and made plans to meet up the next afterenoon for some lunch like the always did the day after going out. Only that lunch never happened. No, What happened was much worse. What happened was…
“Bam Bam, how ya doing, babe?” Joe asks, breaking his thought. “Well considering youre 30 minutes late id say not well” Bam responds. “Hey, sorry. I wanted to look extra pretty for you” Joe exclaims.
“Asshole fancies himself to be some sort of comedian” bam thinks. “Only funny thing about Joe is how pathetic he is”
“Well maybe you should have taken an hour” Bam jokes. “HAHA, good one” Joe tells him.
“So where is he, Joe?” bam asks. “Ummm, Chevy Joe” Joe corrects him. Bam has the sudden urge to kick his teeth down his throat, he holds the urge bac but gets tingly at the thought. “Sorry, CHEVYYY Joe” Bam responds condescendingly.
“Mining Camp 6, Building 11, Unit 77” Bam transfers 300 Amazon units to him and leaves.
Bam hops a shuttle train to Camp 6 and settles in for the ride. It’s a 6 hour ride, plenty of time to attempt to sleep, to try and forget, if just for a moment. He takes a few sleeping pills and chases it with whiskey in hopes of getting fucked up enough to not dream, to not remember. Unfortunately after 30 years it doesn’t work anymore. Bam passes out for a bit but awakes to the image of flaming wreckage and tears in his head. He looks at his watch, still another 2 hours to go. “FUCK” he says.
Mining Camp 6 was one of many on the planet owned and run by Amazon. Filled with Africans shuttled in from Earth, they were brought their with promises of a better future. “Good pay, good conditions, good benefits” that was the lure. Unfortunately the truth wasn’t as pretty. The “Good pay” they promised could only be used at the Amazon stores. Amazon workers buying Amazon products at Amazon stores. Truth was it was back breaking labor for 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. What they didn’t mention is the rent for the unit you stay in that comes out of that pay, the cost of meals, the benefits they provide you that also come out of your pay. You could complain but to who? Amazon runs the planet, you could send an email to your family asking for help but since all emails are filtered through Alexa, anything that may make the company look bad is automatically rewritten to make it sound like youre living in paradise.
“Funny” Bam thinks. “Half the people working here came from families on earth whose parents and grandparents were also miners in Africa who dealt with abysmal working conditions all so the worlds elite could add an extra zero onto the end of their bank account” The more things change the more they stay the same.
The train pulls into the station, Bam collects himself and hops a “Johnny Cab” Ok, theyre not really called Johnny Cabs, but its one of the simple little pleasures Bam gets to enjoy up here. Little inside jokes for himself. He tells the cab to take him to Building 11 and 10 minutes later hes there. He goes to unit 77 and knocks on the door. No answer so he knocks again. The door opens up and Bam walks in.
“Well well well if it isnt Raab Himself” “Hey Bam, I was just about to call you” Raab says. Bam cracks him one and he goes flying into the wall. “Wheres the money, Raab?” he asks. “oh yeah, the money. See that’s the thing, Bam. I don’t really have it yet” Bam cracks him again. “You don’t call, you make me chase you all the way to this shithole in the middle of nowhere. And now you tell me you don’t have my money?”
“Bam, I swear im gonna get it. There was a problem. I got ripped off. But don’t worry I have the guys name, we can go get to his place right now and get the..” Bam cracks him again. “Don Vito gave you the drugs with the agreement that youd have his money in 3 weeks. Its been 5. So don’t tell me that shit” bam says. “Please just do me a favor, don’t bullshit me. We’ve known eachother a long time, I don’t want to hurt you”
Raab laughs “what could you possibly do to me that Is worse than this. Look where I am, look at my life!” he laugh. Bam hits him again and he drops “Give me the money” He says as he hits him in the face. Raab continues to laugh. Bam hits him again, the image of Ryans face flashes in his mind. “Give me it” he says again as he hits him over and over. The image of Ryan and him laughing flashes this time. He hits him again and again. As memories of that night come to him, the bar, the laughs, the flaming wreckage, the funeral.
Bam opens his eyes and Raabs face is beaten to a pulp, Bams hand is throbbing. Surely broken but he hardly notices it. “NOOOOOOOOO” bam screams, sobbing uncontrollably. “WHY?” he yells. “Why did I let you drive that night?! Why?!” he screams. Its at this point that he pulls out his pistol from his jacket, puts the barrel in his mouth and pulls the trigger. And after 30 years Bam finally has peace.
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thoughts on ice skating
supposed to be under read more, sorry if mobile is weird!
i mean ive missed multiple weeks and alll in all the society/ practice is quite weird like the beginners teacher dude keeps rambling off about like olympics skating or how higher levels have this and this move and look ive taught that advanced kid over there and heres how they do that technique rather than concretely helping us develop those basic skills that were apparently flawed at. like how do i do that correction youre just showing me bc clearly im about to fall over bc idk how to do it. and i tried being all professional and interested and make the most of it for myself, but cant help the frustration when it goes out of the easy shit into the stupid spins because apparently i just cant do it. be it my skates are too thin or too sharp blades or my ankle is not strong enough or enough support thats why its going bad? idk even but i cant spin. cant do it. idk i kinda know multiple things that are fucking up and its frustrating and annoying and its just not gonna work yknow i can kinda turn 180. no i cant do the multiple spin spin spin that seems so easy. is it my skates or is it my inadequacy? im not getting new skates tho, im only here because i have my own skates a while back, im clearly so shit that im not even gonna be a milkly good figure skater im not gonna get in on that. i might as well do fuckin ballet rather than this. im actually looking into that kinda now id love to try.
ice skating is dumb in the way that ive done it since im a child but never as a hobby, like ive done it with most the time my own owned skates since like 3-4 yrs old like young. but school only ever teaches forwards and basic backwards (apparently its cheating backwards) and basic stop and turns and idk things you learn somewhat naturally and my coolest tricks always been sausages (or bubbles as they call them here) and those are apparently baby level beginner stuff and im just :| yeah i can do those tho. and now ic an do them backwards which is kinda cool, and im more confident one foor skating/gliding. but like never as a hobby so i guess none of that matters, i did try to do intermediate and could keep up to an extent but i guess my basics are so shoddy i wasnt doing well enough for my own standards, and even now looking over tho the teacher is better and more encouraging, everyone seems to be doing crazy tricks and jumps and spins and one leg up fancy shit and im just... ya. guess i cant be over there. cant do it. lemme just stand with mr blabber mouth. it is frustrating bc yeah maybe i wanna be that intermediate level, maybe i wanna go skate with my family/old friends and show off bc look i can do like 3 4 cool things im almost a real skater. but fuck i guess my skates are limiting me and i should try use the rental skates? that are dull af but have better support? idk, ive got blisters from them the last i used them and i dont particularly wanna use shitty skates. but i dunno even what to do, i dont particularly wanna drop on some fancy skates just to find smths wrong again and im shit and cant do it. maybe id suddenly improve and feel a lot better about myself and take it as a proper hobby but realistically nah. im actually kinda frustrated i dont even know if i wanna continue. yes i have a friend that goes, yes i have skates and you only get better by spending time on ice and id like to be better bc only recently ive realised how shit i am, (trust me its confidence boosting to have skated with bambis on ice who are afraid of moving at all and then i can at least go kinda fast if i want) but i cant even turn properly, cant stop properly neither. its just ugh, i dont think im getting as much out of it as i should be, i dont know if its the teachers fault, my skates fault, or my own personality/inability.
no im not doing the dumb kinda competition theyre organising in a few weeks. the criteria for intermediate (that i havent participated in enough anyway recently) is fuckin hops and drags (my skates do not drag! to sharp? idk) and spins and fancy shit i havent even ever tried to. yeah sure i could for the fucks of it do the beginners bc its uh, bubbles forward and backwards that i can do, and i can kind of do the chassee thing kind of. but i cant do a god damn spin for the life of me apparently so i might as well save my 5 pound and ‘pride’. ugh. besides the fun part was that he was talking abt the higher levels leg up glide thing, and had us do it against the wall bc ‘afraid well just face plant’ and i guess i can bring my leg up decently high when supported by the wall which is fun, and otherwise im not the worst of the 5 beginners that showed up. but yeah im just frustrated with it over all. dunno how long the clubs even gonna continue for, theres only one friend there that i would continue for which isnt great considering means i dont consider the others easy to make friends with or ones i could be fond of enough to over look the struggle of the hobby.
i think my plan was to call my dad not only to ask if they had a preference for when my friend would fly down to visit so she could buy her tickets, but i guess also i was going to say about the skate apparently being too soft and too thin/too sharp and express this frustration that i still cant do shit, that maybe even using unsharpened (and uncomfortable) rental skates could be better for skating and just wonder what im even doing abt this all. clearly not competing but idk even if we could just come to observe/skate for fun during the competition etc or if i should just skip to catch up/pack and clean idk. also im kinda annoyed at myself otherwise bc i just tuesday saw with J and shes off for a few weeks and i made such a good verbal plan saying id do an email and a summary im weeeeeks behind on on tuesday evening and prep for class today (didnt prep but it went okay anyway) and today i would have gone to class and to skating with a healthy meal (check check check) and come home to sign up and send the other email thats been bugging me, and then do my report due midnight i havent even started on. said id work after midnight if it was taking so long so id have it done..... i had a nap instead. not even a god damn shower i was planning to have tuesday and now its 3 am on thursday. ayy. sure i could skip classes tomorrow to shower and clean my room and maybe complete a task before i drag myself to an archery arrow lesson and badminton after (no thatll be fun, but ill be back rly late) but ive skipped so many classes and i wana see and be with my friends i might as well go, and if i get abandoned work on work somewhere in between classes and maybe actually get something done? gasp. shock. and still get home and do smth like clean and do dishes to be productive while anticipating fun thing, do it and come home and actually sleep bc im fuckin that over eh. but fuck. its not just that i have 1 overdue summary from two weeks ago, i have another summary due thursday night. maybe, in between classes i could do both, miraculous i guess yes but would be cool. do two summaries, send off both and an apology email for the other, take the spare chance to book myself another experiment if theyre still running and if not send an apology email bc i missed one in class one and ask what now. and then maybe even since the calendar is out get my 3 planned viewings booked so that i can see them b4 going back home and dont get fucked. maybe even add the corrections i got yesterday to my other report. wow wouldnt that be great. i could do them now but i should get to sleep right now heres hoping ill remember the corrections then. and then id need to look at the video for the assignment that was due yesterday and bring up the files and find the debrief and begin filling it in and maybe email researcher if i need to, and do the easy part. so that maybe logical me in a clean room will fill in the ethics part between classes on friday or after class or gasp on saturday bc im not going to st andrews after all... its a lot.. i hate that two days are wasted already. ugh. uGH. well get by. lets just try stay positive, now im going to sleep and wake up to go to my 11 class prepared to do some easy work between classes. yes yes. its probably weird that who ever has read this far has read all this shit and maybe i should just keep my shit personal and not post on my main blog bc surprisingly its open to anyone who just slightly would wanna see it,and though you likely dont know me in person its a bit weird huh idk. maybe this is here so my cousin can read it if she happens to , maybe its so that you can read it and be like ya i do that and i think like that too pretty cool im not alone, maybe its for me to read back and not have to be exposed to my worst ugly vents on my plain vent blog and can remain positive thomaybe not. its under read more anyway. lets try bury it guys.
#and other things#really dont need to read this#though im aware and sorry i guess read more doesnt work on mobile and you might just read this in curiosity and i dont necessarily want#these are just my own thoughts and theyre here to clarify my head. ok
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Text
Ep. #7: “C’mon Rat, Follow the Cheese” - Jessy
The tribes merged and all of the pre-mergers were added to the merge tribe as the Karma Island twist was revealed. The players started campaigning to get back in and Cat, Austin, and Drew chose to drop out and become voters. After a whole day of scrambling and a messy voting situation, Connor was voted back into the game. The tribe was given their first immunity challenge and Matt was able to solve it and win immunity quite quickly. After no one talked the day before the vote, the players started scrambling last minute with one side trying to decide whether to vote off Sam or MJ while the opposing side was trying to decide between Allison or Connor. In the end, MJ and Sam's alliance threw their votes on Andrew to thwart any posisble idol play. Sam also used her vote negator to cancel Allison's vote for MJ. Andrew was sent home in a 5-4 vote.
HAHAHAHAHA so it's 9:58 and I should go to tribal and I was on call with Connah and then Lydia and MJ called and added Connah and MJ told me I might be getting votes so I might be getting voted out idk adios fuck this shit!
Can't wait to be seventh boot
[12:51:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: bih wtf.
[12:51:39 PM] connah. i guess.: I didn't do anything.
[12:51:40 PM] mj ultra . _/: oh you really wanna fight me tonight huh
yes bitch i do. yes we are in a partnership but i'm not your bitch. i'm not gonna sit here and do everything you want but it's fine because people will hopefully see you as a bigger threat so if they gonna try take one of us out... can't say i'm too sorry about it.
his ass wants to sit here and vote lydia back when we literally just voted her out? i see where he's coming from because we might be able to use lydia tbh but he's literally shutting down any ideas i had so i'm kinda angry rn.
mj's gameplay has really rubbed off on me... my ass just blindsided lydia and now i'm really down for voting her back in? i had my fun pre-merge but now it's time to really get this shit going
http://prntscr.com/fn4qxy
http://prntscr.com/fn4r1v
At first I thought Connor would have the highest chance of returning but after hearing a few things I think REGAN has the best shot??? When and how did that happen?
Hmmmmm I'm feeling really weird in this tribe. It's as if I don't belong.....That's the vibe I'm getting. Whatever. I'm sticking to my strategy of not talking to people. Hey it worked TWICE and got me to the end twice. It works. People come to me with information at once. I hope I can pull it off again.
so like I mighta just made a chat with myself Scott jessy Allison josh and Connor to save Connor bc David was a bust. Highkey still don't trust Scott and sam Matt mj and connah are trying for Lydia and I'm like no fuck off? When the phone battery goes down my chaotic gameplay goes up. Like idc whomstve is gonna be pissed i am GETTING Connor in this game. Drew and cat should have sacrificed themselves for him too so here's to fucking hoping. If Lydia comes in I'm dead straight up gay up!
push me to the edge
i wish i was dead
why is scott a snake
scott u little snake
push me to the edge
i wish i was dead
lydia im the wrong connor
please stop making my life harder
push me to the edge
mask off, task off
back off, mask off
i dont really care that im crying
but i really care that youre lying
edge
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
mask off, task off
i have lost all my motivation. i am a shell of a man i used to be
i am fucked. if i somehow get out of this mess i got myself into it would be a miracle.
Okay it's time for my second confessional because it's getting really hard dealing with these people and I need to vent. Like I really cannot.
After the Lydia vote off succeeded I tried to do major damage control with Matt and Scott. They both seemed to understand but I know they don't trust me anymore. Iit's not like they even realistically did. Maybe Matt did, but his reaction really shows his game. Scott seems to think he can snake his way around the two alliances but I'll bring up that later in this confessional.
Anyways, it's announced that Karma Island is in play and immediately I'm worried. I fell into a position where I had to lead on Connor, David and Regan all at once because I legitimately had no idea who I wanted to return. I received information from Scott that MJ was on call with Sam and Lydia. They were
[4:26:26 AM] Jessy: i have some tea ladies!
[4:27:05 AM] Jessy: So Scott is playing both sides.
[4:27:09 AM] Jessy: and MJ/Connah/Josh are too.
[4:27:21 AM] Jessy: MJ wants me to stay so he can use me for next tribal to get Sam out..
[4:27:26 AM] Jessy: But sis he has another thing coming.
[4:29:43 AM] Jessy: sam acts like a 4 year old
[4:29:47 AM] Jessy: "jessy probs just wants all of us on jury bc we're the ppl who knew her pregame so we'd give her our jury votes"
[4:29:52 AM] Jessy: she said this
[4:29:57 AM] Jessy: like no i want u on prejury
[4:29:58 AM] Jessy: zzksjksksks
[4:42:41 AM] Jessy: mj and connah rlly think they're so smart huh
[4:42:42 AM] Jessy: like ur not.
[4:42:42 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFMKLDSMKLA
[4:42:46 AM] Jessy: i literally know what ur doing
[4:43:03 AM] Jessy: this is ur mo mj...
[4:43:05 AM] Jessy: ur forcing myself into a situation where i have to go w/ him b/c my numbers are cut.
[4:44:25 AM] Jessy: Like I know he's pitting me against Samatthew by telling me this information
[4:44:29 AM] Jessy: But like..
[4:44:37 AM] Jessy: Damn they're literally Spencer and Tasha
[4:52:02 AM] Jessy: I'm reading their games to filth.
[8:18:39 AM] Jessy: me again
[8:21:05 AM] Jessy: God why'd i tell connor i heard his name
[8:21:06 AM] Jessy: LSJLSSKKSKS
[9:52:09 AM] Jessy: SCOTT IS SUCH A FUCKING LIAR
[9:59:32 AM] Jessy: time to get reads
[9:59:35 AM] Jessy: and intel!
[9:59:41 AM] Jessy: im legit gonna interrogate him idc
[10:01:03 AM] Jessy: Nancy Drew who????
[10:01:16 AM] Jessy: im GETTING the dirt.
[10:01:24 AM] Jessy: spill the beans!
[10:01:50 AM] Jessy: seeing Scott is typing... answering my questions is so funny
[10:01:57 AM] Jessy: Like ur nervous huh sis
[10:03:32 AM] Jessy: does scott really think ill eat the bullshit hes putting out for me on a platter rn?
[10:03:37 AM] Jessy: Like bitch what the fuck LAKSKSKKSKS
[10:08:25 AM] Jessy: OK SCOTT IS LYING OUT OF HIS ASS
[10:08:29 AM] Jessy: IM SICK OF IT
[10:08:35 AM] Jessy: HOW DOES MJ KNOW U WERE HIGH THEN
[10:08:44 AM] Jessy: LIKE UGH !!!
[10:09:53 AM] Jessy: ok sam could've told mj!
[10:09:57 AM] Jessy: interesting!
[10:14:37 AM] Jessy: mj and scott together ? conspiracy theory ?
[10:18:18 AM] Jessy: Oh yeah, I also found out last night that josh did vote for Lydia, but Connah switched his vote from Lydia to Connor and Trevor wouldn't allow him to change it back
[10:18:26 AM] Jessy: i thought sam was being distant huh scott
[10:20:12 AM] Jessy: There's holes in this scheme.
[10:22:32 AM] Jessy: "Same"
[10:22:34 AM] Jessy: keh
[10:22:51 AM] Jessy: guess i'm done here.
[10:23:51 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I'm samatthew
[10:24:27 AM] Jessy: theyre literally spencer and tasha
[10:24:32 AM] Jessy: mj is a cheap version of jeremy
[10:26:00 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Who are you
[10:26:45 AM] Jessy: i wanna say kelley but i don't wanna be cocky like matt
This is a recap on what happened before the Karma Vote. One reason is so that I can look back on it and the other is for Connor to read in the future. This is 100% what happened.
Lydia made her pitch to me around noon yesterday and she had made valid points and I wouldn't mind her being back but my vote is locked to Connor at that point though I was still willing to listen to her so I can get info out of her. I messaged Connah a little later and he said he was going to vote Lydia back in so I had an inkling that something's up but shrugged it off because there's no way Lydia's coming back it's just not in the numbers. I went to bed and woke up at 6am with a bunch of messages and one of them was Lydia asking to call. I told her I only woke up randomly and was planning on sleeping a little bit more. I didn't know the vote was due at 8 and I woke up 30 minutes before the deadline. Jessy messaged me asking if MJ had come up to me and asked if Lydia's being voted back in and I said no because MJ and I haven't talked yet. A little while, Andrew messaged me asking who to vote and I said Connor and then I got added to the Saving Connor chat with Scott, Jessy, Allison and Connor. What surprised me the most is why Scott is there. I didn't understand. Next, MJ messaged me asking for my vote so that we can tie between Lydia and Connor. Now the thing is, I told them I would vote whatever they want to but my vote is locked to Connor unless they absolutely needed it because they're the two people I trusted the most in this game. And they really did need it. I went on call with Connor and told him that everyone's pulling my leg getting me to vote with them and then got on call with Connah making his case to me with Lydia and Lydia's on my pms making her case again and Scott and I were trying to figure out how we're going to go and mind you this is literally 5 minutes before the deadline and at that point everyone thought we could change votes. I was freaking out everyone was talking to me at the same time I felt very pressured that I just asked Scott to make a decision for me and he won't decide for me and Connah just started to tell me VOTE LYDIA VOTE LYDIA and without hesitation I changed.
Now obviously that didn't fall through because Connor came back and he found out I changed my vote. Now he doesn't want to speak to me and probably burned my bridge with him and idk about the status of our friendship right now.
I spilled so much critical information on Connor and if we went our separate ways and uses those against me then I'm fucked. I mentioned to Connor how I wanted to target Jessy because of how good she is and if that gets back to her than she's going to turn on me.
My hope is that MJ, Sam, Scott, Connah and Matt form a 6 person alliance to get past this round.
This game is taking a toll on me emotionally and I've been struggling to play since the first few days. I wasn't like this before. It isn't worth it. It's not worth it to lose a friendship over this. It's easy to say that you need to cut ties and turn the heart off but doing it for real is different.
Connor, my explanation is probably something you did not want to hear and it's probably going to re-open wounds once this game is over because looking back on it now, the decision was stupid. It didn't have to be that way but I gave in because of pressure.
Honestly.... I just feel so defeated. I don't see myself really doing as great as I would have wanted to in this game, which is such a pessimistic way to think but its true. Like if I were to be going home tomorrow I wouldn't even care that I didn't make the jury. A lot just went down these past few days that made me realize why I retired in the first place.
So to really go back, Lydia was blindsided. Not surprised that it happened cause I knew something fishy was going on, but surprised that out of everyone I was the most left out of the loop. Like no one bothered to tell me that the vote was getting split between Allison and Andrew. Like when Lydia left Jessy and Andrew had me on call and explained everything to me and why they did what they did. And like I'm really not mad at them for doing so. I think it was amazing on their part that they pulled it off. They told me how MJ and Connah were really wanting to get Lydia out, which caught me by surprise cause I thought they were really close.
Afterwards, Sam gets me on call and is worried about what could happen in the future and who we have with us. And to my surprise, Matt Summers actually talked strategy with me for the first time. The story I got from them was that Jessy approached them and got them involved with voting Lydia.
To make matters worse, we have to vote someone back into this game thanks to Karma Island. And I feel like this is gonna make things so much worse cause I'm starting to realize I only have myself in this game. Idk like in Maluku flipping was easy cause I had Maria and Mattica who I trusted more than anyone. I don't really trust anyone in this game, so it makes everything 10x worse.
Connor talked to me and told me he doesn't hold that against me, and idk part of me really thinks if he IS going to come back, I need to vote him so I can prove to him that I can be someone he can actually work with later on. Especially with MJ/Connah/Sam/Matt being a sinking ship, I just feel like I need to find other resources when I need to. Plus the only person I trust in that group is Sam, and after hearing that MJ has wanted me out of this game for awhile now I don't see why I need to stick my neck out for them.
That whole voting process was such a mess because I really didn't know what to do with all of that. Like I voted for Connor cause I was sure he was getting in, then Josh comes to me and says he didn't know what to do. Which like RIP cause I thought he already voted, and to make matter worse he told lydia and lydia went off on me in the pms. And like, the fact that this all went down when I was out with friends just made me realize that I'm too invested in this game and that I left for a reason.
Idk the only reason why Connor is back is because Connah changed his vote and wasnt allowed to switch back. I'm just annoyed cause I'm really fucked in this game to the point of no return. And like Sam and them are trying to make sure I'm gonna vote with them but with Lydia out and the only person on that side i actually consider an ally being Sam, it just makes sense for me to go through with what I've been wanting to do for awhile and flip with Jessy and Andrew.
"fifth vote... lydia"
youtube
what the fuck is going on why is no one talking to me. fucking hell man, and then im gonna wake up again and have a shit ton of messages waiting for me when i check my phone. everything's happening at the very last minute in this game omg.
YALL TRIBAL IS 11 HOURS AWAY I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO AND IM GONNA BE ASLEEP IN 9 OF THOSE HOURS. FUCK IT.
you know how it'd be fun if i just go ghost the whole morning tomorrow lkfjskjdfhskjfs *deletes Skype*
OKA Y BUT S ERIOUSLY im sick and tired of waking up in the morning where a plan has already been made and i have no say in it. fuck it a guy needs his sleep its yalls fault for not making a plan during our off day ! btw if i get voted out tomorrow im gonna be salty af trevor why did you have to have the first merge boot not a jury member i dont want to miss out on JURY! !!!!!
everyone is getting on my god damn nerves TODAY !
On 25/06/2017, at 8:30 PM, connor wrote:
> hi
background music plays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpLU8BI02wQ
Okay so I just laid out all the info I got today.
I talked to Scott this morning
I said does he know for sure Sam has a vote negator or is it a hunch? He said it was a hunch and he doesn't really know, so I got sus. He was high last night so maybe he let it slip
MJ told me that Scott was high last night
so I wanted to find a way to vertify what he said about Scott/Sam/Matt/MJ/Connah being all on a group call
[6/24/2017 10:09:30 AM] Jessy: did you tell anyone you were high LMAOOOOO i'd be so non functional if i was high and game talking
[6/24/2017 10:09:40 AM] Scott: I mean I told sam
It's possible that Scott is either lying about him telling Sam specifically, or Sam just told MJ that Scott was high and he happened to tell me this
He said this when I asked him about the Sam call:
[6/24/2017 9:51:38 AM] Jessy: did anything important come out of the sam call
[6/24/2017 9:51:58 AM] Scott: Honestly it just made me realize that she doesn't trust me
[6/24/2017 9:52:17 AM] Jessy: fuck!
[6/24/2017 9:52:25 AM] Scott: She asked me what my relationship was with you
[6/24/2017 9:53:05 AM] Scott: And if I actually trusted you cause you're known to be deceiving for "organizing the whole Lydia vote and misting MJ/Connah"
[6/24/2017 9:53:48 AM] Jessy: :$ would be me if i actually did!
[6/24/2017 9:54:07 AM] Jessy: r they voting me
[6/24/2017 9:54:25 AM] Scott: I mean we never got around to actually talking about it
[6/24/2017 9:54:32 AM] Jessy: oh okay
[6/24/2017 9:54:39 AM] Jessy: who do you think she would go for
[6/24/2017 9:55:32 AM] Scott: But I wouldn't be surprised if that's what they were wanting to do cause sam really just kept mentioning how I felt about you
[6/24/2017 9:57:03 AM] Jessy: that's offputtig
[6/24/2017 9:57:08 AM] Jessy: *offputting
[6/24/2017 9:58:02 AM] Scott: Yeah, but it's just really clear that damage was done last night so I'm not even sure what's gonna be happening from here on out
It made me think that I'm unsure if Scott is just lying about the call or if MJ is just trying to come up with a scenario for me to think is happening so I won't pull any moves.
Then, I talked to MJ about the vote and he said that he was going to be on a road trip today so he's probably asleep by now.
I talked to Connah about the game while MJ was online and while we were talking about the whole thing of us being on different sides, MJ pmed me.
He said he pmed me because Connah sent him a funny quote about a joke I made.
Then, I asked him if Connah sent him any game logs. The game logs were about us being on different sides in the Lydia/Connor returnee vote and then he kept on acting like he didn't know who was going to go because no one was talking to him.
I asked him if Sam would be a vote he would want, and he said it depends if we have the numbers. He said I have to convince Allison+Andrew+Connor myself because he doesn't want to get himself involved in something controversial this tribal council after last round.
I asked MJ about this, and he said Connah specifically said:
"idk if I wanna stick with jessy or go with sam"
"like I'm just confused"
This made me paranoid, because I didn't know if Connah meant "stick with jessy" as a vote or "go with sam" as a vote. It's possible that MJ made it look like he meant regarding alliances and not a vote off, but it still made me paranoid.
MJ then told me Connah went on call with Sam.
MJ said he asked Connah what was going on and they were just talking about who they wanted to go. MJ said they both leaned towards Connor leaving.
MJ then said Connah thought he should go with Sam (as in alliances).
MJ said he would try to convince him to "string me along" next round and use me to vote Sam off.
MJ then said if Sam convinced Connah to vote for me, he would try to convince him to go after Sam this round.
MJ said he would prefer Connor to go now and Sam next round, but he's willing to consider it by starting it off with a conversation with Connah tomorrow.
Our conversation ended, and I thought that I should try to message Sam in some way and let her know that I'm "flexible".
I then said that people probably think we aren't together in the game and we could play that to our advantage. She said she was down if I was, but proceeding this she kept on saying she didn't know what she wanted to do and that "she has no power to throw out a name."
This really annoyed me so I asked her who does and she said she doesn't know.
Our conversation ended, but during it Connah messaged me asking me if I'm talking to anyone because it's really quiet.
I was feeling a vibe that Sam told Connah she was talking to me, so I told him I was trying to resolve my issues with Sam.
It got awkward so our conversation kinda died off.
During all this, Andrew, Allison and Connor didn't have a lot to say about anything.
Connor said he was at work all day and came back at 10 PM EDT and said sorry he was at work. I said it was okay then asked him if he talked to Josh recently. He never replied and then I asked him again an hour later and still received no reply.
Now, Scott says he's back and is messaging my alliance chat with himself and Andrew.
I haven't talked to Matt at all this vote. I said hey to Allison in pms but she never replied because I'm pretty sure she's been offline.
I haven't talked to Josh either, but I have an opportunity to tonight because it's 2 PM for him in Phillippines.
Decisions, decisions.... I hate my position in this game as the "middle man"
Anyways, Jessy/Andrew I think are expecting me to flip and vote Sam with them this round, but tbh I don't think I can flip on Sam and vote her out. Like if she goes, I don't want to be apart of that just because she trusts me a lot with her game. However, if they can manage to get her out this round I'm all theirs.
Sam/MJ and co. said they want to do Allison, and because I don't trust Allison i think it might be safest for me to just vote her out and only flip if they're wanting to vote out Jessy/Andrew.
Also spoke on call with Connor and hes trying to convince me to flip. The only way I see myself voting with them is if they vote MJ. But I just don't think that is realistic since Jessy is set on voting Sam. Which I personally cannot do since she is the only one I trust on that other side.
Idk its all very up in the air, hopefully it isnt me that goes
9wegwpirangwfj tribals in an hour and a half and I really don't know what I'm gonna do.
Apparently Josh would be okay with voting out MJ but I'm not sure if he really would. Part of me is thinking I should just vote Allison and if it ties, then I flip cause I don't wanna be rocked out pre-jury, especially since the only person I trust on Sam and Co side is Sam.
I just know this is gonna be one huge clusterfuck
So.... much.... stress....
Josh and I agreed on just voting with the separate blocks, but I forgot that Sam has a vote negator so now I have to decide if I'm actually gonna go through with that plan or just flip and vote MJ.
hregehgoihiqrehie I HATE THIS GAME
This game? Is crazy.
I want to die.
Somehow, through almost FIVE HOURS of acumalitive calls, I have managed to flip Josh and Scott so that we have majority. MJ SHOULD be going home. I literally did that. Like, i LITERALLY did THAT.
Good god. Fingers crossed.
It just makes sense? With MJ being a winner already and very good at flipping votes and winning challenges, we have the time to take him out so lets do it. Sam would be easier to vote out and I know Jessy wanted to, but with Matt having another idol and being immune, the two of them are too close for comfort. Actually, this entire game is too close for comfort. end my life.
why am i in the middle. i mean i guess i should count my blessings because i'm not getting voted out but this is such a hard position to be in
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