#yamanakas do not care | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dira333 · 20 days

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Who's gonna break my heart - Daishou Suguru x Reader

Friends to Strangers to Lovers - Title inspired by my current dopamine song "Dangerously Anxious" by MUNN

Words: over 8k so pace yourself

- 18/17

You know something’s up when Suguru enters the gym with a girl. He’s already late, but the girl’s not wearing any gym clothes. So not a new manager.

She’s one year above you and you’ve seen her around. Yamanaka Mika or something. She’s cute and bile rises up your throat at that thought. No.

“Guys,” Suguru’s grin is genuine, playful, a little proud even, “I want you to meet someone. This is Mika, my girlfriend.”

Sō immediately stands guard beside you. He’s the libero and the second-closest friend you have on this team. Well, he might get bumped up as of today.

“Mika, this is the team.” He introduces them by name and the first-years blush under his praise. The third-years are not impressed, hitting him back with sly remarks that have Suguru blush instead.

Finally, he ends with you.

“And this is my best friend from childhood. I told you about her,” he introduces you and you have to fight everything in you not to snarl at him. Instead, you offer Mika your hand to shake, boiling inside.

She stays around to watch. You keep your distance.

When the first break runs around and you start handing out water bottles she slinks up beside you, asking for Suguru’s. You’re more than glad you don’t have to give it to him, couldn’t stand the risk of touching him right now.

You manage not to talk to him about anything other than volleyball until training ends.

He leaves quickly, aiming to walk Mika home. You stay behind.

“You okay?” Sō asks quietly as you gather your things.

“Mhm,” you nod, “Just peachy. Thanks for asking.”

“I don’t like her,” he promises and you snort. “You don’t have to. If he wants to get himself a girlfriend, that has nothing to do with me. She might be nice, you know. It’s not her fault he’s the way he is.”

Sō nods, but he doesn’t seem convinced. He asks if you want to walk home together but you decline. The quiet will do you good.

- 5/4

“Well, you stink,” Daishou declares with an air of finality. He’s small for a five year old, you’re almost the same height.

You don’t blink. He starts to grow anxious, his legs twiddling as if he has to pee.

“Why aren’t you crying?” He asks, clearly annoyed you don’t react like anyone else he’s met before.

“I was waiting if you’d come up with something better,” you say, “But I should have known you don’t have any good ideas.”

“Hey!” He yelps, “That’s not fair! That was a good insult!”

You snort and his lip starts to quiver.

“No way,” someone whispers behind you, “Is Daishou going to cry? What a whimp.”

“I’m not a whimp!” Daishou declares, eyes already reddening. “Take that back.”

You turn your best lazy stare at the person who had muttered that insult. In less than a second he backs away. You might not be a pretty little girl like your mother wanted, but you know how to keep the boys at bay.

“Come,” you take Daishou’s hand and pull him toward the far edge of the playground, “I’m gonna teach you some cool insults.”

- 18/17

“What do you want?” You ask instead of a greeting. Suguru snorts into the phone.

“Wow, what hellhole did you crawl out today?”

“It’s called a period, thank you very much.” That’s a lie. But he doesn’t like that topic, so it’s always safe.

“Whatever,” he grunts, “I just wanted to ask what you think about Mika.”

“I’m not into her if that’s what you’re asking.”

He gasps before laughing. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“How did that even happen?” You ask, hoping against hope that he doesn’t hear the despair lacing your voice. He needs to believe you don’t care. “Did you pay her to do it?”

“Excuse me?!” Suguru’s affronted. “I don’t have to pay girls- You know I could-” He sighs before starting anew. “She asked me out. Can you believe it? I never had a cute girl like me before.”

That stings. But, you try to comfort yourself, he doesn’t know you like him. So maybe you’re still a cute girl in his head. Just not one he’s interested in.

“Miracles happen every day,” you tell him, working around the clog in your throat, “But I need to get going, okay? I still have homework to do.”

“Oh, okay, sure. I’ll see you in the morning. We can walk to school.”

“Yeah, okay.” You hope he forgets.

He doesn’t.

Suguru’s always been touchy. He was the kid who sat on his mother's lap until she pushed him off and though he made you swear on your life that it didn’t happen, he used to be the one grabbing your hand on the way home from kindergarten.

And it used to be your thing.

How he pulls on your arm when he’s excited or slings his arm around your shoulders, shaking you. How he presses his face against yours, eye against eye, to make sure you really got his joke.

But you can’t help but feel sick now, at the thought of it. Because it doesn’t mean what you thought it meant. And he’s probably going to do it with Mika now.

“Hey,” he pulls on your backpack as a greeting, dragging ice-cold fingertips along your neck. You shiver and he shows a wicked grin. “Still cranky?”

“Was I ever?” You snap back and he cocks his head, tongue slipping out as he musters you. It’s adorable and you hate yourself for thinking so.

“You wanna get chocolate milkshakes after school?”

“I’m fine,” you point out. “And you’re going to walk Mika home, right?”

“Are you jealous?” He asks and your heart stops for a painful moment until he laughs. “Come on, we’ve been best friends forever. I’m sure she’d like some Milkshakes too.”

And it’s like that, for days, and weeks on end.

Everything you used to do together is now something you have to share with Mika.

Until she breaks up with him.

- 9/8

“Can we play family?” You ask, a bit more confident in the coziness of your own bedroom. Your parents make more money than Suguru’s, you can tell. It’s no surprise he likes hanging out at your place more. You prefer it the other way, like the warmth of their kitchen and the noise, always someone around to talk. You like his older sister who teases him relentlessly and his mother who always calls you cute.

But you’ve got better toys so you’re hanging out at your place. And since it’s your place, you call the shots.

“Again?” He asks, but already picks up the Squishmallow you usually use as a kid. You own two and the other one’s sitting next to your bedroom door, playing dog.

“Today,” you declare your newest idea proudly, “I’m going to make a lot of money. I work in finance, like my dad.”

Suguru nods, gently nursing the Squishmallow kid in his arms. “Should I stay home with the kid then?”

“Yeah,” you nod, “You could make some dinner for when I come home. Do you want to have a Hobby, like Mom?”

“Oh yeah,” he grins, “I’m going to be a famous volleyball player on the side. They only have to train and win games, so I have more then enough time to care for our kid and the dog. Do we have a daughter or a son?”

“I don’t know. What do you want?”

“I want a daughter,” he lifts her up, squinting as if he can see a real kid in the soft pink plush. “And she looks like you.”

- 18/17

It’s Sō who tells you. He happened to walk past them on the way to training, couldn’t help but overhear.

“You’re such a bore, all you ever do is focus on club activities,” Sō repeats before you can stop him.

He opens his mouth to ask, but the gym doors open. Suguru looks positively mad.

“What are you doing?” He asks Sō, voice sharp. “This is supposed to be training. Start running!” He turns to you but you don’t even let him open his mouth.

“Suguru,” your voice is cold, clear and cuts through him like always. “Can I talk to you outside for a second?”

He huffs. “What if I don’t want to?”

“Then I’ll have to ask Coach to tell you to talk to me. You want that?”

“No,” he snarls, turning back to where he came from. “Hurry up, I want to train.”

“Warn the others,” you whisper in Sō’s direction and follow Suguru outside.

There’s a group of trees not far from the Gym that’s pretty much secluded.

Suguru swings as if to punch one of the trees but you’re faster, grabbing his elbow and pulling back.

“We still need your hands,” you huff, “Keep it together.”

“I don’t want-”

“I know,” you pull him in, hug him as tight as he allows. “I know.”

You don’t know how long you’re standing like this, Suguru trembling like a leaf. He’s always been a crybaby, even if he’s a little ashamed to admit it.

“Want me to egg her house?” You ask, wishing that just once he’d hug you back.

“No, that’s stupid.”

“I could put eggs into her shoes,” you point out. “Like I did with that girl that bullied you in Junior High.”

He snorts wetly. “That was amazing, but no, I don’t… I just wanted her to like me.” His face is pressed against your shoulder now and you can feel his mouth move against the fabric of your shirt when he talks.

“Maybe I should quit Volleyball.”

“Because some girl told you it was boring? Suguru, you’re better than that.”

“Mika’s not just some girl.”

You swallow thickly, unable to snap back for the first time since you can remember.

If only he’d say such things about you too.

“Well,” You manage after a while, “You’ll just have to win Nationals then. Show her what you’re made of.”

“Yeah,” he nods and pulls back, your sign to let go. “You’re right.”

He wipes his eyes and tries a shaky smile.

“Let’s beat Nekoma to a pulp.”

You roll your eyes. “You and that team. But if it makes you happy, we will.”

- 13/12

“Have you kissed somebody yet?” Suguru asks.

It’s a nice day out and you’re using your huge garden for Volleyball practice.

You don’t like playing it that much, but since Suguru doesn’t have that many male friends to play with, you don’t mind helping him out.

“No, you?”

“No.”

You wait, knowing he’ll eventually explain himself.

“Haizaki said it’s lame if you haven’t kissed anyone yet,” Suguru explains and leaps into the air to spike a ball.

You receive it, albeit a bit clumsily, and the ball tapers off into the shrubbery to your left.

“I told him that I kissed you,” he says instead of moving, and since you don’t really like Volleyball all that much you stay where you are. You have to move enough as it is already.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Suguru’s glaring at the shrubbery now. “Haizaki didn’t believe me at first. I showed him that picture from the festival last year. Now he thinks you’re too cute to be kissing me.”

You snort and drop to the floor, too lazy to keep standing. “Did you tell him how I bit your chin when you tried to put your arm around my shoulder for that picture.”

“No,” now he’s the one snorting. “But I should have.”

“Mhm.”

“Do you wanna kiss?”

You knew that question would come. Still, you don’t really have an answer to it.

You put your head on your knees and pear up at him, blinking through your eyelashes until he blurs into a shapeless blob.

You don’t really care about kissing. Or boys. There’s no one in your life that’s as close to you as Suguru is. You’re friendly with your classmates, but most of what they want to talk about is boring.

Maybe you don’t want to kiss. Or think about it. But Suguru wants it. So you can at least try, right?

“Fine,” you stretch out your hands, ask him to pull you up. As soon as you’re standing you press your lips to his.

It’s awkward, and not at all nice. His mouth is slightly open, a little wet with saliva or maybe sweat and his nose bumps almost painfully into yours.

Suguru squeaks as you move away, grabbing your hands to pull you back in. This time your teeth knock against each other and it hurts even more.

“Maybe,” you say, your face pressed against his shoulder when he’s still not letting you go, “Haizaki also never kissed a girl. Maybe it’s totally overrated and disgusting but he just thought you’d believe him.”

“You think?” Suguru asks, clearly downfallen by this failure. He always just wants to be cool.

“Yeah, you just need to be really confident when you tell him that you’re not interested in that. You know? Like, tell the class that Haizaki’s so bad in school because all he thinks about are girls. If you sound like you mean it, everyone will gang up on Haizaki. I do that too and it works all the time.”

His arms, clammy with sweat, loosen their hold on you. His adams apple is bobbing up and down as he steps back.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he says, voice still a little unsure, “Can we… can we play some more volleyball?”

“If we must,” you groan and his smile flickers back to life, this mischievous teasing thing you’ve grown fond of.

He pinches your side and moves toward the shrubbery.

“Fifty receives or you don’t get any ice-cream.”

“This is my house, you know!”

- 18/17

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

Sō’s eyebrows shoot up but you remain calm.

“Of course,” you say, following Mika out of your classroom and down the hallway into an empty classroom. You think this one’s reserved for Music Club.

“I wanted to ask,” she looks nervously to the side before continuing, “if you and Suguru… Are you… dating?”

You allow Silence to settle before you answer. The question hurts you just as much as it might hurt her to ask and if you can make her suffer a little longer, you will.

“No.”

“Oh,” she looks like she expected a different answer, as if she’s not sure where to go from here.

“Is there anything else?”

“Yes!” She surges forward, boxing you in. “I… I want to apologize.”

“For what?”

“For breaking up.”

“You’re talking to the wrong person then.”

She huffs, crossing her arms now. “Could you be any less helpful?”

“What do you want me to do?” You snap, losing the small of patience you had.

She slinks back, shrinking into herself. “I just… I kinda think it was a stupid decision. But I don’t know. Do you think Suguru liked me? Like, really liked me? You’re his best friend.”

“I don’t know,” you offer helpfully, “I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t know what really liking someone means.”

And you’re being honest this time, even if she might not believe you. You only know that Suguru doesn’t really like you like that.

“Kaya… my friend… she said that maybe you’re into him and that’s why we broke up.”

You straighten, hands balled to fists.

“You broke up with him,” you hiss, “Don’t you dare pin this on him.”

“I know!” Mika howls, clearly exasperated now. “I know! I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. That’s why I’m asking you for advice!”

You stiffen, turn toward the window. You can think better when you’re not looking at her, when you can pretend she’s not looking at you.

If someone asks you about this, if someone ever dares to question it, you will deny it with everything you’ve got, but you can’t… you just can’t-

“Just come to our next game,” you tell her, voice tired. “We’re playing against Nekoma for the Qualifiers. He hates that team. You can decide there how you want to go on.” You turn and move for the door. But something just needs to be said, even if you don’t want to speak it into existence.

“And he’s not into me. Suguru, I mean. We’re friends. I just don’t have that many and I’m not used to sharing, that’s all.”

You leave her standing there, don’t turn back to look.

Instead, you go straight to the school nurse, wait until she calls your mum to come and pick you up.

You feel sick to your stomach and even though the Congee she cooks does little to soothe that kind of hurt, you don’t argue against it.

Mika doesn’t ask to speak to you again.

But she’s at your match against Nekoma, you can spot her in the crowd. When she approaches the team after your loss you’re glad that the team moves away in unison.

You don’t want to be there when it happens.

“Maybe you should date someone too,” Sō offers. He’s remarkably calm about their loss. “Kuguri and you are quite similar. You could get along.”

“What?” Kuguri turns to look at you, “I heard my name.”

“You have ears,” you praise him, “Good job.”

He scowls and turns away again.

You close your eyes, lean your back against the wall.

“I think I’m going to focus on school work,” you admit, “Leave the Club.”

Takachiho gasps. “Leave the Club? You?”

“What?” You scowl, “Like you care. You’re leaving this year anyway.”

“Yeah, but the Club needs you!” Seguro sidles up to you, “You’re our Manager.”

“Like you can’t fill your water bottles without me,” you snarl.

“I bet,” Numai mutters darkly, rubbing his chin, “If you’d get your ass on it, you could turn this team around.”

“Is that a dare?” You ask, stepping up to him. “Do you really think you can dare me to do better?”

“Absolutely! I bet you could get rid of these cheap tactics and get us to Nationals without Suguru interfering.”

Hiroo snorts. “You do know, Numai, that our dear Manager is worse than our Captain when it comes to trashtalking, right?”

Your smile grows as Numai’s flickers and fades.

“But,” he starts just as someone clears his throat behind you.

“Something going on?” Suguru asks.

Looking at him feels like a punch to the throat. You can tell that he’s happy without him having to say it. Mika’s nowhere to be seen but it still feels as if she’s wrapped around him.

The team lunges forward.

If anyone notices that you’re not taking part in their playful attack, they don’t address it.

You sneak away undisturbed.

Seguro’s named Captain a few days later.

Mika must have talked to Suguru because he’s not dragging you with them anymore. And while you had thought that there could be nothing worse than being the third wheel on one of their dates, being forgotten is so so so much worse.

School is boring you. Training is torture. You need something to occupy your mind.

- 18/17

“All alone?” Someone settles heavily on the chair next to you.

You don’t have to look up. You’d know that honeysmoothed voice anywhere.

“Not interested, roosterhead.”

Kuroo chuckles softly. “Don’t bite, Snakelet. I just want to make some friendly conversation.”

“Sure, sure. So you’re not here to scope out the competition?” You don’t take your eyes off the game.

Below your seats the game is reaching it’s Finale.

“Which one do you want?” Kuroo asks, mouth so close to your ear his breathe washes over your face. You don’t flinch.

“If I had to guess you want the Captain. He’s got an amazing defense. And with your stupid First-Year you’ll need some good defense.”

“Now now, don’t insult Lev like that.” Kuroo stretches, yawns and rests his arm on your shoulder. “He’s even dumber than you make him out to be.”

You can’t help but laugh at that comment. At least he’s self-aware.

“Go on,” you nudge your elbow into his side, “Tell me who I’m picking.”

“You want both Outside Hitters. They are both tall, broad shouldered and have a lot of energy and drive, so you think that would balance out your lethargic teammates. But that’s a risky move. One of them moves like he’s chugged ten cans of Monster before the game and the other feels like this game is the beginning of his murder-spree.”

“I need someone with Stamina,” you agree, “If I can get both of them, I will. If I can get only one of them, I’ll take Mr. Murderspree.”

“Good.” Kuroo grins. “I don’t want our games to get boring.”

You roll your eyes. “They’re not our games, Roosterhead. You’re graduating.”

“Ah,” he pinches your chin. “But I’m still watching, you know. From the shadows.”

You snort. “Sure. If that gives you closure.” You get up. “You can stay here if you want, I need to get going. First one to get a student to sign on your team wins.”

“Loser pays the drinks,” he calls after you.

You’re not sure how it happened or when. You don’t even know what to call this.

Suguru is your best friend, so Kuroo can’t be it. Kuroo is Suguru’s enemy and you’re pretty sure you don’t feel the same way about him, so he can’t be that either.

You’d call him an annoying cousin you’re not related to if these conversations wouldn’t sound so much like flirting nowadays.

In some weird way you think he understands you, or at least how your brain works. He’s pointed out, often enough to remember, that you remind him of Kenma.

And you’d argue against it, but he’s never once insulted Suguru in front of you. Talking shit about Kenma feels like disrespecting that truce. Even if you feel a lot smarter than a guy who’s cosplaying a bowl of pudding.

“Congratulations,” Kuroo sets your coffee down in front of you before taking a seat, “Both Outside Hitters and the Setter, I’m impressed.”

“He’s more of a glorified Pinch Server, but thank you.” You drag your spoon through the foam in your cup, destroying the artwork the barista created. You’re not in the mood for little foam hearts today. “How’s your new Captain doing?”

“Terrible, but that’s to be expected.”

“Same.” You let your eyes wander through the café only to get caught on something outside. You know that jacket, that haircut, that smi-

“Everything okay?” Kuroo peers down at you.

“Dropped my earring,” you claim, patting the floor. Outside Suguru kisses Mika goodbye and turns with one last wave of his arm before jogging of.

You get back into your seat, ignore the amused twinkle in Kuroo’s eyes and dare to think that you’ve got out of this alive - until someone appears next to you.

“Oh, hi!” Mika blinks with a smile, “Suguru just left, what a surprise! I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Likewise,” you press out.

“Hi, I’m Kuroo,” Kuroo offers her his hand, “You’re Daishou’s girlfriend, right?”

“Yeah,” her smile brightens, “I’m sorry, I don’t know you, are you from Nohebi?”

“No,” he shakes his head, but doesn’t disclose his own school. You don’t flatter yourself with thinking it’s because of your glaring. “Just visiting a friend.”

“Oh,” Mika rests a hand on her chest, “Sorry, I didn’t know- of course, I’ll leave you to it.” She all but flutters away. You want to leave.

Kuroo, however, leans over the table, grinning like the literal Chesire Cat.

“She thinks we’re dating.”

“I don’t care what she thinks,” you snarl.

“Oh?” His eyebrows lift to where you can’t see them. “Ohoh?”

“Not like that,” you groan, “Get your head out of the gutter.”

“What? I could date you,” he twirls his spoon between his fingers, “Don’t all girls want an older boyfriend?”

“I think it’s more about wanting a smarter boyfriend,” you point out, “So I doubt we’d fit that scheme.”

“You wound me,” he huffs playfully, “But if you ever want to make someone jealous you can call me up anytime.”

“Thanks, I already hate that idea.”

- 18/17

It’s a shame you cannot skip graduation.

It’s not even your own but you know Suguru would never let you live it down.

So you force yourself to smile in every picture, pretending you don’t see the second button of his blazer missing.

Ever since Kindergarten he’s been one year above you. Ever since Kindergarten, you went out for ice cream afterwards, you paying for his on his graduation and him paying for yours the next year.

This year he asks if he can bring Mika along. You pay for him, he pays for her and when it’s time for you to pick your own ice cream all you want to do is go home and sleep.

But you can’t, so you pick the first flavor you see, not wanting to ruin the taste of your favorite ice cream with this awful memory.

“This is a cute spot,” Mika announces when you’ve found a spot outside under an oak tree, “We should come here for a date. What do you think?” She addresses you all of a sudden, “We could do a double date.”

Suguru chokes on his ice cream.

“Double date?” He asks. “Is there something I don’t know?”

Mika’s eyes widen. “Oh, was it a secret?”

“No,” you grind through your teeth, “It’s not a secret because I don’t have a boyfriend. Or date anyone. I just met someone I know while I was scouting new players.”

“Who?” He asks, brows furrowed.

“He’s got dark hair,” Mika explains, “Kinda messy like Kuguri-”

“Kuroo?” Suguru bristles, eyes turning wide. “You went out with Kuroo?”

Something turns to ice inside you.

“Yes,” you say, “I went out with him. Who cares?”

“He’s-”

“The Ex-Captain of a team that didn’t win Nationals. Wow. How outstanding.”

“My arch-enemy!” Suguru thunders, “And you know that.”

“Please,” you huff, “He barely knows you exist.”

“Take that back!”

“No.”

“I didn’t think-” Mika starts but you shut her up with a glare.

“I don’t butt into your relationship,” you clarify, “So you don’t get to butt into mine.”

“You’re dating-?” Suguru gasps for air, “Kuroo?”

“Does it matter? No. I was here to celebrate your graduation not to discuss my lovelife.”

“If you’re dating Kuroo we can no longer be friends,” Suguru bites out and you nod, get up and throw your ice cream in the trash.

“Fine. If that’s how you want it, I’ll accept. Goodbye.”

You march away, don’t look back. You don’t want Suguru to see that your eyes start to water as the ice inside you slowly melts.

You: If your house gets egged this week, Suguru thinks we’re dating.

Roosterhead: Oh? Buy me Dinner first.

You: I’m not dating you.

Roosterhead: I’m heartbroken. You good though?

You: I will be after we demolish Nekoma.

Roosterhead: Looking forward to you trying.

- 19/18

Seguro and Yamamoto are shaking hands but all you care about are the glowing eyes of their setter who rest on you, unblinking.

You’ve lost this time, but you’re not giving up. It’s only a Training Match after all and as soon as you’ve figured out how to balance out your team, you’ll be fine.

Still, it sucks that you’ve lost to Kenma. Of all people.

“Hey,” Sō nudges you with his elbow, nodding toward the door. “We’ve got a visitor.”

He didn’t need to tell you. You spotted Suguru half an hour ago but decided to ignore him.

The last two months have been filled with somewhat strained communication, mostly held up by Mika who’s trying her best to mend a friendship you no longer believe in.

He’s chosen Mika over you. You’ll be able to live with that, someday.

“Hey,” someone else speaks up from your other side. You turn to Kenma, who’s looking the other way.

“Yeah?”

“Kuroo mentioned something… about you…”

“So?”

He huffs. “I think I have an idea you’d be interested in.”

You’ll never admit that you only agree to buy into Bouncing Ball Corp because Suguru is watching you, but in all honesty, you’d probably agree to selling fridges in the arctic if it buys you a few more minutes away from him.

It doesn’t matter in the end. He stays until everyone else has left, hands buried in his pockets, nodding at the players that know him, rolling his eyes at those who don’t.

“What’s going on?” You ask when you’ve run out of reasons to avoid him, the gym empty besides the two of you.

“Can’t I come see my best friend?”

“I don’t know, are they in the room with us?”

He huffs.

“I mean you.”

“Could have fooled me.”

You turn away, take a few steps just to put space where there used to be none.

Suguru calls out your name. There’s something in his voice, a softer, more vulnerable tone, that makes you turn around. His shoulders are down and he’s staring at the ground and you know, just by looking at him, that he lost.

You don’t know if it’s a game or a thing, a person or an idea, but there’s something to it, the fact that he comes to you for comfort, that soothes some of the hurt.

“What did you do now, you fool?” You ask and maybe there’s something in your voice too, because he takes a few steps and pulls you in, rests his head against your shoulder where no one can see if he cries or not.

“Coach kicked me off the starting Line-Up,” he admits, “I’m just a pinch server.”

“So?” You ask, “You were a Pinch Server when you started at Nohebi. Those things take time.”

“Yeah,” he croaks, “But I also failed my first exam.”

“Mhm,” you hum, “Math?”

“Yeah.”

“What else?”

He huffs. “Who says-”

“What else, Suguru?”

“I can’t get a job. Like, I’ve tried but the only shops that might take me are the fast food joints around College and the hours there are terrible. And I need to train.”

You sigh. He hasn’t changed at all.

“Have you talked to Mika about it?” You ask and you know your voice sounds a little condescending right now, but he deserves it, right?

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want her to know,” he huffs, tensing as you try to push him away. “Please?”

“I’m not your manager any longer,” you point out. “You’re old enough to get yourself out of the mess you got yourself into. I’m not here to-”

“Please,” he repeats, but there’s a different tone to it now, “This is not why I came, okay? I just… you always know- Ugh, you just understand me, okay? I need to talk to someone who understands. Please?”

“Fine,” you let your bag slip from your shoulder, “You carry my bag and I’ll listen.”

And it’s a tale as old as time, you think, as you walk next to him, almost knocking your hip into his from.

Suguru’s not stupid. He just gets too much in his head about how things should be like until he can no longer see the big picture. And as much as he enjoys dishing out, he cannot take a hit for the life of him.

“So?” You ask when you reach the cross roads that separate your houses, “Feeling better?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “I- I wanted to say… If you want to date Kuroo, that’s fine.”

You balk. “What?”

“Yeah,” he grimaces, “I mean, I don’t like him, but if you think he’s decent enough…”

“I’m not dating him.”

“Kenma then?”

“Just shut up, okay?” You snarl. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not- I don’t care- You know, let’s just say you won’t mind and forget about this, okay?”

“No,” he shakes his head, “I want to talk about this. You’re my best friend. I’m sorry I neglected you. You’re doing a good job with the team, better than I did when I was Captain last year. And Mika… she’s sorry too. This is my idea, coming here and talking to you, but I know she feels bad too. She’s just… I think she got a little excited at the idea of us going on double dates. But it wasn’t right putting it out like that.”

“It doesn’t matter,” you repeat, too stubborn to give in, “But I appreciate it. What are you going to do now?”

“Oh, study for math, keep looking for jobs,” he huffs, dragging his hands through his hair.

“I meant today,” you snort and he blushes awkwardly.

“Then say it like that, idiot. You wanna play some volleyball? I have the time.”

“No,” you shake your head, “But I could use some math practice.”

- 19/18

It’s weird, still.

Suguru makes an effort to come over once a week. It helps that you can give him pointers in his math studies, but it’s not the way it was before.

He’s too touchy for a guy with a girlfriend. And though you’ve got your heart on a tight leash you can tell it’s much too easy to get lost in this until something reminds you of the truth.

So you do what everyone would do in your situation.

You ask Kuguri out.

It goes about as well as one would expect.

Sure, you could ask Kuroo. You’re pretty sure he’d do it, but you don’t want to ruin a perfectly fine friendship - if you could call it that.

Soon matches and exams turn up back to back and all you see of Suguru are the short messages he sends whenever he remembers.

He doesn’t forget your graduation, but ice cream just doesn’t taste the same way it used to.

You wish you could have stopped this ritual when it was still fun.

- 20/19

If someone would ask you for the name of your best friend, you’re no longer sure what you’d answer.

There’s Suguru, who you rarely talk to, yet know better than yourself most days.

There’s Sō, who’s taking the same Classes as you, who you’ve shared quite a few wins and failures with since attending Nohebi.

And then there’s Kuroo, who’s an absolute pain in the ass, but at least he’s reliable.

“I want to get paid for this,” you tell him when you hand over the CD. “I spent a while analyzing all that footage.”

“Ah, you love doing it,” Kuroo teases, moving to ruffle your hair, “Besides you always bet on Bokuto. I’m just helping you get your money through that.”

“I do not,” you grind through your teeth. You hate him sometimes.

“Do to,” he jokes, turning when something catches your attention. “The Barista has the hots for you.”

You snort. “Yeah, sure.”

“Absolutely.” Kuroo gestures with his hands before grinning. “See? He wants your number.”

“What?” You squeak, turning to look for yourself. The guy isn’t bad-looking at all. Maybe a bit less athletic than you’re used to. And he’s waving at you, gesturing in a way that can really only mean one thing.

“Well, I’m not giving it to him.”

“Why not?” Kuroo leans back, eyes twinkling. “Would you rather go out with me? Oh, Snakelet, I’m honored.”

“Fine,” you bite out, “I’ll get his.”

Kuroo’s still grinning when you come back, leaning over the table to look at your phone.

“Ah, so that’s his name. Now, I’m waiting. Text him.”

“Why?”

“Because I won’t believe you otherwise.”

“You’re sick in the head.”

“Mhm, you too. Now chop chop, we don’t have all day.”

If you say that your first relationship only exists because of Kuroo, you mean it.

Moriwaka isn’t all that bad. He might just be exactly what you need.

He studies Psychology, works part-time as a Barista, and collects Star Trek memorabilia, which means you have literally nothing in common and so much more to talk about.

And it’s nice, how he never once asks about Suguru - they’ve only met briefly - or Volleyball - he doesn’t like Sports - or your parents - he’s not into Finance.

He doesn’t push you either.

You don’t like being touched? That’s fine with him, he’s happy sidling up to you on the way to the Cinema - he bought two tickets for the newest Star Trek movie.

All in all, it feels a little more like having a new best friend, just that Moriwaka likes to tell you how good you’re looking every single day.

- 20/19

“I’m going to use the bathroom,” you say, getting up from the Couch.

“I’m pausing the movie,” Moriwaka announces, “This is the best part.”

You’d probably disagree with him if you cared enough, but it’s fine. Star Trek is important to him and he never once complains when you make him rewatch a Volleyball Game.

The doorbell rings just as you close the door behind you.

“That’s probably the Pizza,” he announces. You yawn.

The window doesn’t close properly but you don’t care, no one can see you pee anyway.

“What are you doing here?” Moriwaka’s voice floats up.

“I’m looking for someone.” You freeze, the voice too familiar. What’s Suguru doing here?

He says your name.

“Ah, she’s not here.” You can hear Moriwaka, your heart thumping awkwardly in your chest. Why is Suguru looking for you if he could just call you?

“No, no, I’m sure she’s here.”

“So what? She doesn’t want to see you.”

You fumble the door lock trying to get out. What’s Moriwaka doing?

It doesn’t take long to get out of the apartment and down the stairs, but it feels like half an eternity.

The door is open and you can hear Moriwaka before you can see him.

“I’ve seen your messages,” he announces, voice weirdly cold, “You only call to unload your baggage on her. You’re a pathetic, wet rag of a man.”

“And you’re any better?” Suguru snaps back, “You have no idea what’s between me and-”

“I’m her boyfriend,” Moriwaka announces just as you slide out the door behind him.

Suguru’s face turns perfectly blank at your sight, but Moriwaka isn’t lucky enough to get the hint.

“I’m not allowing you to talk to her.”

“I don’t think that’s your decision,” you tell him coolly.

He turns, surprise evident on his face. But no guilt.

“Listen, I’m just trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need your protection.”

He scoffs. “What? So you’re just going to let him drag you down again? He probably just lost another game. Or his girlfriend ran off or whatever.”

Suguru flinches. The breakup happened a few months ago, but he’s always been bad at taking hits.

“It doesn’t matter,” you tell Moriwaka snidely, “He’s my best friend. You don’t have any say in that.”

“You’re just in love with him,” he spits out, “Right? That’s why you’re pushing me away all the time. You don’t really want to date me, you’re just passing time with me hoping he’ll suddenly turn around and be interested in you.”

Suguru steps forward, fists balled but you’re a little faster, always more inclined to use your tongue instead of your fists.

“Go,” you tell him, your calm facade your biggest weapon, “Your movie’s waiting. I’m sure Captain Whatever has some inspirational quotes for you to flirt with next time.”

Moriwaka huffs, but he’s not dumb enough to take the bait. Or maybe he doesn’t care enough either.

“Go, be unhappy if that’s what you want.” He slams the door shut behind him.

The night is warm, the air around you humid and heavy.

Suguru’s looking up at a nearby street lamp, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

“You were looking for me?” You ask, not ready to deal with the can of worms Moriwaka just opened.

“Yeah, I…” He clears his throat. “I got… I got a deal. For the Yotsuya Motor Spirits. I know it’s only Division 2 but they’ll let me finish College while I play.”

“Oh, Congratulations,” you step forward, not really sure what you want to do, just knowing that you want to be closer.

“Thanks,” he clears his throat again, “I was… I was talking to my parents about it and when they hung up all I could think about was that I wanted to tell you. We haven’t… we haven’t talked in a while, right?”

“Yeah.” You want to ask him who’s fault that is, but really, isn’t it your fault too? After all you were the one who fell in love in the first place.

“How’d you know I was here?” You ask when he’s fighting for words, tongue slipping out between his lips as he thinks. It’s a habit he’s had since you’ve known him and altough you’ve tried to hate it, it just endears him even more to you.

“Ah,” He drags a hand through the hair at the back of his head, “I was at your place but you weren’t there. And I figured you might be out with friends, but Sō said you’re out with your boyf- some guy but he doesn’t know where that is.”

“So?” You did not miss the way he stumbled over the term boyfriend. Your heart’s beating too fast to be healthy, but there’s a smug grin on Suguru’s face now, a look that tells you this story is going into a different direction now.

“You’ve been posting pictures of your favorite drink lately and there’s only one shop in Tokyo who makes it exactly the way you like it, so I thought I’d try over here. Remembered the dude’s name too, can you believe it?”

You laugh. He’s unbelievable, so proud of himself and his most basic deduction skills.

“You did great,” you tell him, “You wanna talk a walk? I need a bathroom and I’m not going back up there.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” he ushers you along, “There’s a 7-Eleven down the street.”

And it feels like yesterday, hips almost knocking into each other, walking down the street.

It feels like you’re six years old again and Suguru’s walking you home from school, his hand clutching yours because even though he’s older, he’s a bit more scared of the world.

It feels like you’re thirteen, only beginning to understand that some boys are gross and some boys are cute and why your heart flutters softly when Suguru’s tongue peaks out whenever he’s lost in thought.

It feels like you’re seventeen, heart heavy yet ready to leap, calculating all the ways a confession could go wrong - and the one way it could go right - only to miss your chance.

“He’s right, you know,” Suguru points out in the too bright lights of the store when you come back from the bathroom.

He’s staring at the cut up fruits in the fridge and maybe he’s thinking what to get for a late night smoothie, but maybe he’s thinking the same thing you’re thinking about.

How all 7-Eleven’s are kinda the same and if they are, is this a place out of time? A place you can stay in without getting older, without the consequence of change?

“I really am a pathetic,wet rag of a man.”

“Hmm,” you make, stepping so close to him your shoulder brushes his. If you’d be a little braver, you’d take his hand.

If you could have a chance to get stuck in time, you’d take it if it meant being with him, hands not quite touching, bare faces reflected in the clear doors of an oversized fridge.

“I swear I’m not doing this because I’m lonely,” there’s a wetness to his voice that your ears are used to, grown fond of, even. The back of his pointer finger touches the back of your hand and his skin is warm and a shiver races down your back.

“And I should hate myself for breaking up what you had with that guy, but-”

You want to turn, look directly at him instead of his reflection in the glass, but you’re frozen in place, heart thundering so loud he must be able to hear it.

“I’ve had a crush on you since… since way before I asked to practice kissing. You’re the coolest person I’ve ever known, and I… I’m so tired of pretending that someone else can compare. I’m sorry.” He whispers the last words, hiccups softly when your hand grabs his, squeezes as tight as you can.

You’re going to cry any second, you know, but you don’t want to, even if it’s him you’re with.

You don’t want any tears to blurr your sight when you can look at him, see him, face flushed and eyes watery, all 179,5cm of pathetic, wet rag of a man.

“Do you want to play family?” You ask, voice a little rough, eyes a little watery too. “We can even get a dog.”

He smiles so wide you can barely see his eyes.

But when he leans in and kisses you, nose softly bumping yours and chuckles ringing through the air, you have to disagree with your younger self.

Kissing isn’t overrated at all. If anything, it’s probably underrated.

- 21/20

“Oh no, we have to play against you guys?” Bokuto’s voice’s too loud to ignore even in the bustle of a packed stadion.

Suguru bristles next to you but relaxes a little when your elbow digs into his side.

“Like they’re going to give you any problems,” Kuroo’s voice is smooth and sticky, clinging to your ears like caramel to the teeth. “Right?”

“Kuroo,” Suguru drawls, “You’re here too?”

“Well of course,” his grin reminds you of the famed Chesire Cat and your arm slings around Suguru’s waist, pulling him in.

He stumbles a bit, turning to look at you. Surprise, joy and then deep adoration wash over his face in a way you’ll never grow tired off. Suguru’s hand slides into the back pocket of your jeans and you know, would there be less people around, he’d be kissing you too.

“Aww, cute,” Kuroo sings, “You didn’t hear anything I just said.”

“Should we?” You ask, “If I want to hear an asshole talk I can just fart.”

Suguru snickers even as Bokuto howls in the background, clearly excited to have a new insult to try on someone else.

But Kuroo wouldn’t be Kuroo if you could best him with one lame insult.

“Funny,” he smiles, “You’re managing today too?”

“No,” you shake your head, “Just here for Suguru.”

“And we’re going to win,” Suguru declares, “MSBY has no chance against the Yotsuya Motor Spirits.”

He says it with conviction, but you know the chances of him winning are low. MSBY have been rising to the top ever since they drafted Miya Atsumu right out of highschool. Now they’ve got Bokuto too. If they’d gotten Sakusa Kiyoomi too like they’d been planning for months, you’d bought the consolation cake already but at least he’s insistent on finishing College before he starts playing professionally.

It doesn’t matter, though.

You’re not with Suguru because he’s got the best chance at winning the game and he knows it. And no matter the outcome of this game, there’s already a small velvet box at home that he thinks you don’t know about.

Like he could keep any secrets from you.

- 27/26

“That’s all,” you cut off your assistant’s questioning, “Everything else has to wait until tomorrow.”

“I understand. Have a good evening.”

“You too.” You cut the call and park the car, thinking for the umpteenth time that you need to start looking into the possibility of hiring a driver. Some of these calls get too intense to be held at the wheel of a vehicle.

There’s a Volleyball on the front lawn and a chewed-up dog toy. You drag your keycard through the scanner and stifle a yawn as the door opens.

“I’m home,” you call out over the pitter-patter of feet.

There’s Princess, your husky-mix and Kuroo, the little black Frenchie that his namesake gifted you at your wedding.

“Kitchen!” You hear a voice over the Princess howling. She’s always so excited to have you back home.

“Hey,” you can’t help smiling as you step into the kitchen, both dogs hot on your heels. Suguru’s standing at the stove, Hime tied to his front. Only a tuft of her dark hair is peaking out and you lean in to kiss him first and then the top of her head.

“How was it?” He asks, “Tired?”

“Extremely so, but everything’s going well. Even Dad is impressed. How was your day?”

“Mh, no, you’ve got to tell first,” he insists, pulling you into his side, “Because I wanna hear your voice a bit more before I tell you about the absolutely disgusting diaper change I had to go through today.”

You laugh. “Okay, so you remember Mamushi, our Client?”

“Mamushi with the thick eyebrows or Mamushi who slurps every beverage?”

“Slurper Mamushi.”

“Okay, I’m following.”

“So, this morning I got an email from him where he claims that we’re charging him too much. He gave us two options: Reduce the cost or dismiss the contract altogether.”

“Oh, that’s spicy. What did you do?”

“Well, remember how I had to cut our lunch call short? I met up with him for coffee right after and got down to business and you won’t believe it: he settled on a different contract that actually costs him more but he’s happy with it. Apparently he doesn’t like how it’s done nowadays and the old times were far better.”

“Amazing,” Suguru drops a kiss on your temple, “I would love to see the face of this man when he realizes how stupid he is. You’re a genius.”

You giggle.

“How was your day, then? Apart from the diaper catastrophe?”

“Well, I regret to inform you that Hime already has an admirer. Koji’s head over heels for her. I had to threaten him with bodily harm to get her back.”

“Oh, is that your libero?” You think, “The one with the Iro?”

“Yep, he died it pink last week.”

“Well, pink suggests he’s sensible. If Hime likes him too-”

“Don’t say that!” Suguru’s hands come down to cover Hime’s ears, “My princess isn’t going to date anyone until she’s at least thirty.”

“Mhm,” you lift your eyebrows, “And how are you going to explain to her that we had her way before we turned thirty?”

A blush works its way up his cheeks and you lean forward to sink your teeth into the flushed skin only to press your lips onto it right after.

“Love you,” you tell him, voice a bit raspy with emotion.

Sometimes, in moments like this, you can barely believe that this is how your life played out.

tagging: @lees-chaotic-brain @daisy-room @missalienqueen @marti-mp4 @itsmippe @jus-jazzy @wavesofchaos @moonlit-mizukage

My Kofi if you want to tip me

#my writing #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #daishou suguru #daishou x reader #daishou fluff #daishou #nohebi #nohebi team

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kannra21 · 7 months

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Bc I "love" (lol) Gege so much, I gathered some info on him. Pls DM me to add more if you remember anything

Pen name: Akutami Gege (芥見下々)

Birthday: 26th February 1992 (31yo)

Zodiac: Pisces

Born: Iwate Prefecture, Japan

he went to all boy's private school

Akutami has an older brother who's married. Yuji is strongly inspired by his brother who is Akutami's opposite. He is someone who succeeds in everything he undertakes: sports, studies etc.

he was never really interested in drawing or manga until 4th grade when his older brother bought Weekly Shōnen Jump. The Jump that he read had Bleach on it and that's how Akutami's love for Bleach developed. When he was in the 5th grade and moved from Iwate Prefecture to Sendai in Miyagi Prefecture, he was surprised to see that the kids at his new school drew manga

he started drawing manga by imitating his friends' work

so his Bleach obsession started in elementary school and his Evangelion and Hunter x Hunter obsession started in middle school

he wrote a poetry analogy called "Giant From The Clouds" in middle school, inspired by the Bleach mangaka

His previous works are Kamishiro Sōsa, No.9, Nikai Bongai Barabarjura and jjk 0

Yuji was named after his childhood classmate

Geto was named after the "Geto Korean Ski Resort", located near Akutami's hometown of Tohoku

he's slightly colorblind

he's a fan of occult, mystical practices and horror

he wears glasses

he cooks somewhat

he loves hot springs and scalp massages, he goes to dermatologist to maintain healthy skin

he exercises and he's trying to get in shape despite the busy schedule, workout is not as painful as it is boring

he's very grateful for his chiropractor bc of his stiff neck, he said that if he ever time-travels and meets his younger self he's gonna tell him "get in shape, seriously", he craves afternoon naps but tries to resist by eating sweets like Pikmin gummies (why's he so contradictory haha)

when Nakamura first debuted with the jjk cast and got to meet Gege, he was surprised by how young he looked. He also said that Gege has a calming voice

hobbies: he reads a bunch of novels and watches a bunch of movies whenever he can, he's busy with work most of the time

his favorite food is crispy thai pandan chicken

his favorite onigiri flavor is mentaiko, he loves Umaibo snacks, Schau Essen, potatoes, hayashi rice, ramen and seedless grapes

He's usually not a fan of name brands but he likes Balenciaga. He also wants to support Royal Host restaurant

he likes comedy podcasts like Arabikidan group

the first manga he submitted to Jump was a gag manga

when he was a student he found studying boring but he likes doing research on things that actually interest him (like engineering facts he needed for the manga)

when he was an art student, he didn't really like making drawings where the model stayed for hours in a specific pose. He preferred to sketch in 3-4 minutes

he relies too much on sketches, rough drafts and his editors (he says he's like a dog for the editors)

he has a habit of forgetting how to draw his characters sometimes

he's self-deprecating and he's sorry that he sometimes makes people feel awkward by being overly critical of himself *hugs him*

he finds it difficult to write Yuji bc Yuji and Akutami are fairly different, Akutami doesn't consider himself particularly athletic but he can relate to Yuji for being an "airhead" sometimes and does things when people tell him not to

he thinks he's clumsy and fucks up honorifics sometimes, he talks casually with his editor Yamanaka whom he has a beef with till this day, he reminds him to "respect his elders" (he's so Gojo coded lol)

He's so funny asdfghjhgfd

he's in good relationship with his parents, he respects them and they're very supportive of him

he cares about his mom's opinion on his manga

Toji's and Yuta's personalities are somewhat based on Akutami's dad, dad also reads the manga

according to Gege, jjk should've been a lot darker but editor didn't allow it

he's an otaku, he's a fan of Marvel, has Hunter x Hunter posters on the wall and enjoys Pokémon wii games, he collected Yu-Gi-Oh cards when he was younger, he's from the generation when Gintama was popular

He never felt hatred for Thanos from Avengers: Endgame (explains why he likes Sukuna so much lol)

his favorite Haikyuu character is Tendo and his favorite BNHA characters are Overhaul and Stain

he saw Brad Pitt in person wow

Idea for the pen name: Gege worked a part time job at the cleaners and learned what it's like to be humble in the world. "Gege" translates to a "person of lower status" or a "commoner"

he claims to be socially awkward with people he's not familiar with, he's not used to public speech but when he gets drunk he does a 180 and is blabbering a lot

people call him a genius with a great sense of humor, his editor Katayama says that he's a cheery and a cool person, much like Gojo

he bought a black mountain parka (like Gojo's) that's supposed to last for six years but he put it in storage after one week

he thought about dying his hair white (Gege stop with the Gojo cosplay)

he's a procrastinator, he's mentally preparing for hours to draw a manga chapter that would otherwise take him 30min. The truth is, he's getting tired of jjk and can't wait to finish it

he chose the cyclop cat avatar because drawing one eye is easier and no one hates cats

he said that he used to have a "type of girl" in high school but the more he grew up he realized that every woman is a good woman, he likes well-groomed women (although I think he likes girls with thick tights? he's a Hwasa fan)

he thinks that world can't be divided into black and white and that it's always a blur. Villains and heroes are treated the same because each of them have their own beliefs and ideologies that are valid

he isn't emotionally bound to any of his characters, he will kill whoever, as long as the story is interesting

he's deliberately not trying to sexualize his female characters, not just because of his parents, but also because he wants to leave a respectable impression. Mangaka profession is very looked down upon. He wants to change that

his net worth is somewhere around $12 million

he wants to stay anonymous bc he enjoys his commoner life, there's a certain freedom to being a normal person, he can go in public spaces without anyone recognizing his face. For instance: he secretly went watching the jjk 0 movie in theater along with the opening comments on the first day. A fan accidentally met him but he pretended to be a staff member

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milk-ly · 5 months

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Fuuta’s accusations about Es(and us) being the same as him makes me think. Because most of us have realized that he’s right, but I need to talk about the extent of it. From his point of view, he is 100% right.

We started by judging COMPLETE strangers on things they did. The fact the prisoners can hear what we’re saying about them parallels the comments you would obviously receive when cancelled. We could simply back away from punishing these random people, but we don’t. Because it’s entertaining to us. Because some of us feel morally superior. Because some of us think they “deserve it.”

Really sounds familiar.

Yet, in another way, he’s not right at all. And really, the only reason I can think of as to why is simply because the milgram characters aren’t real.

And that 4th wall barrier has so many interesting implications to me.

In a way, the fact that we see them as fictional characters add more credibility to Fuuta argument. He also didn’t see the people he bashed on twitter as real people at first. To Fuuta, they were video game bosses to defeat. Just like us, It’s hard to see them as real when we’re all behind a screen, huh? Even though MILGRAM characters aren’t exactly real, all their stories are.

Yamanaka: I do not want my characters to be perceived as two-dimensional beings. I stick to the idea that they are based on real people who happen to have a two-dimensional appearance. That's one of my rules when creating characters. […] So, even though the setting of the story in MILGRAM is a fantasy space, I wanted the characters themselves to feel like they could exist right beside you.

(This is a quote from an interview Yamanaka and Deco*27 did back in 2020)

There are tons of people in our reality like Haruka or Mikoto or Amane or Yuno, etc. there are many people with similar stories as these characters. It’s why so many people can relate to them, why so many people have more expertise on certain characters. This relatability and understanding is why we care so much about them.

Not to mention, there’s the theory that all MILGRAM characters are based on Japanese societal issues.

So exteme hypothetical example here. Lets say someone says something grossly ableist about Mikoto. That ableist comment isn’t truly only specifically towards Mikoto, the fictional character. That ableist comment also becomes directed towards those who relate to him. And the same goes for any kind of comment really.

Yamanaka: The story progresses realistically based on the presence of the audience. […] I'm currently trying to turn the audience into characters in my work.

(Translation done by Ryuuzu (omake_ryuzu on Twitter / uzuuryu on Discord) This is a quote from the Clock over ORQUESTA collab)

In a way, we ARE judging real people. Our judgements and comments do not only reach and affect the characters, but the people in our reality too.

So, that being said, are we really that different than Fuuta?

#sorry for another Fuuta Semi-focused post #this has been on my mind for a while fkfnk #hopefully I worded it alright #milgram #fuuta kajiyama #Milkly ramble

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mokutone · 2 years

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wooooooow naruto thanked him :) maybe naruto doesn't hate him. maybe.

maybe theyre even.

😳 friends

#my art #naruto #sai #sai yamanaka #naruto uzumaki #hbd sai #this is abt shippuden ep 197 or 198 #this moment means a lot to me as a fan of sai bc its kind of the first time that naruto extends sai an olive branch or like.#even implies he likes having sai around #and it happens right after sai stopped the cloud nin from beating naruto 2 death 4 real #and then got really frustrated at naruto for continuing 2 protect sasuke despite how much sasuke was hurting naruto and sakura #and naruto told sai to shut up LMFAO #but like immediately after that despite sai insisting that sakura would be better at managing the wounds naruto has sai do it #and thanks him #and maybe naruto was just thinking about how mad sakura would get or something else #but u can tell it really meant a lot to sai...and the episodes after this he gets a little obsessed w/ making sure naruto is okay #u can tell the whole time hes thinking ''sasuke is a Fucking idiot. if naruto and sakura cared abt me half as much as they care about him-'#''-i would never betray them. i would never hurt them like that.'' hes like so jealous of sasuke #to be fair to sasuke. sai would have no way to comprehend the loss of the uchiha clan massacre or itachis torments but like #ough. these episodes r great for sai fans. hes trying his best and he Does Not Know What Hes Doing #this isnt intended as shippy (very little of my stuff is. as always) but just sai being Intense abt his first real friendship #i think he's obsessed with naruto because naruto is so...up front. he doesn't often give fake smiles #and when he does hes not doing it to be polite but to avoid hurting other people. i think sai is drawn to him like a moth to a flame

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archivalofsins · 4 months

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hey, do you remember if mikoto/john ever made any comment about the viewer's opinions? fuuta outright tells the voices to shut up, amane acknowledges them when fuuta asks her about it, and mahiru mostly just feels like her thoughts and love are being rejected. i dont think mikoto/john ever even acknowledge the viewers thoughts about their situation outside the double mv and vd, and even then that could be about what es thinks about them and not the omniscient viewers.

They do!

It's one of the things specifically highlighted by Milgram and Yamanaka within his tweet about Mikoto's voice drama. Through the fact that they recognize and view what Es has deduced through Milgram as valid.

To keep it short. Mikoto references the audience opinions in these instances.

This has been editted to get rid of spellings errors and add more context. Editted on 02/28/24. (There were so many spelling errors to correct don't know if I got them all. I added so much more quotes from the timeline and interrogations and tried to adjust for tone.)

"Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" (Doesn't directly reference Es just that things now feel like they never end. Along with things he's never even heard before.)

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" (Specifically asking Es how they think this works instead of divulging any information he's heard from the audience that would in fact be beneficial to Es who after being asked immediately shows they don't know a damn thing about it. Staying consistent with what happened in Amane's voice drama prior.)

"Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing." (Recognition of the punishment attached to the guilty verdict working properly for Mikoto and that's adding to his stress. So, yeah he's hearing the voices.)

"You know that because of Milgram! I don't care about the law, I want to know what you think!"

His birthday interaction from last year. (Him asking if there's really another him implies, he has heard the audience bring it up.)

His birthday interaction with Futa after his verdict.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday) Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What��s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday? Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday. Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything. Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

Also, the fact that Mikoto's entire defense for his actions pivoted from I don't remember, and Milgram probably got the wrong guy by mistake to the other one did it. Which not much different from the excuse he gave before but was an excuse widely jumped on and presented by the audience after he was called out for faking for a good period of time and being bad rep. Well, to say the least- It puts a different meaning behind this line,

"“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Since it encapsulates what his first trial was like in a nutshell. Where people either called him out for faking/lying or blamed the alter for all the violent acts making him out to be the scoundrel. People even posited that what we see in MeMe is fake because it's far more graphic than the others and cuts and that this could be due to him having DID and lookie here.

In fact Mikoto's mental footage was so violent... "It's unforgivable." That was my judgment. "That too could be just a fake or attributed to multiple personalities, right?!"

Overall Mikoto, like many of the prisoners, does not state what the audience has told him. However, he heavily implies through his actions he's been told something. What that something is we don't know and given his first verdict percentage he would not be as inclined to tell us as the others would. Hell, even then a lot of others don't tell is. We were never shown what innocent does to a person outside of this from Mu.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday) Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean…Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

But yeah, since you were just asking if he referenced the audience outside of his voice drama and music video there's no need to read the rest here. What comes after this basically goes over how I tend to tell when the prisoners are subtly referring to the audience and other things but it's very long.

Now onto the interesting stuff. Because I wrote this before rereading the question and seeing you were asking about things outside of the voice drama and song. So, I'm leaving it.

Mikoto discusses the audience in the way similar to how Mahiru does. Never referring to the audience or the voices as an individual entity or directly instead either referring to that as Milgram collectively or referring to it as an extension of Es' actions and decisions.

Even in Double and I Love You neither of them refer to a big group of people but go "You".

"What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Unlike the rest of the prisoners who refer to multiple parties, Mikoto and Mahiru couldn't give a damn less about who is causing them problems and considers the audience, Es, and Milgram all the same entity. Never really separating the three. Because they don't care to.

Other prisoners that do this are Haruka, Shidou, and Kotoko if I'm remembering correctly.

"I will definitely make you love me again."-"Hug me again as you once did."

"You don’t even know yet, and yet."- "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment... Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless. The vote that negates the option of death, the love that won’t perish."- "No thank you, it’s none of your concern."- "Shall I fulfill your request and elect to live."

"That's why I became your fangs."- "Tell me why you tell me, “Stop'. Don’t you dare stop now."

Kotoko and Shidou do something interesting in their second trial songs having parts where they both directly refer to Es and the audience separately within their songs. Referring to Es at the beginning and then the audience in the second half.

"I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live. So this is unpleasant, hurling slurs of “hostage game”, you do know that it’s up to me? That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable. The correct answer, I don’t yet know, but there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

Shidou Trial 2 Voice Drama

"But... as long as Milgram continues in this direction. We won't be able to save those who get injured if I'm not forgiven." ...! "Even now, Shiina-kun is in a condition where any digression could be fatal. She can't live without my treatment. If I'm not forgiven she will end up dying."

Just want to highlight how Shidou uses the same tactic as Mu but somehow what he does ends up succeeding and what she did doesn't. A lot of people may think that's because none of them asked to be put in that situation and Kotoko was the one who attacked. Yet, my honest response to that would be what the fuck is actually stopping Shidou from helping if he was guilty?

Like prisoners who were Guilty once can still move around and interact with others and the things around them. Unless one is assuming that the punishment for being guilty trial two is worse than one. Something I don't believe would make sense and would not be fair considering this would just simply for many of the prisoners be their first time being guilty. Although, this is Milgram so maybe who knows.

Even in a situation where the trial two punishment for being guilty is harsher than trial ones; what the fuck is stopping him from teaching or instructing someone else within the prison on how to help if he were restrained? He even said Amane could be assisting him and Yuno has been. He's very replaceable, actually. So, it's wild this worked.

As we will get into it is wild any of them are getting away with what they are.

He also doesn't say this as if it will change later. Instead he literally states that Mahiru now just can't live without his help which given injuries should not be true. Yet considering that she hasn't been getting better over the course of trial two honestly yeah, I guess he's right.

That's... true I suppose. "From now on conflict between the prisoners will probably become more frequent."

Dude why the fuck does he say this??? Like no I'm being serious why does he fucking say this? Especially considering last we heard from Haruka in his second trial voice drama Shidou and Kazui were meant to have been negotiating a ceasefire? This sounds like something an individual about to start a conflict would say. A person about to throw down if you will.

Like what the fuck does he know in regards to this? The most good faith interpretation is the ceasefire negotiations have failed. Yet, it's still a weird thing to just add. Especially since he says conflicts between the prisoners. Implying that people other than Kotoko may end up instigating fights.

Even though most of the other prisoners are simply attempting to mind their business and he's the only one who directly states hostility towards Kotoko in various ways.

Others that state having animosity towards someone are

Yuno,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least? Yuno: I wonder. The ones that are painful just to watch are Haruka and Mu-chan.

Futa,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Futa: Can you not tell by looking at my face? Obviously Kotoko.

Mu,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Mu: Yuno has been really cold lately so maybe her a bit.

Shidou,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko? Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve thing with violence.

"To extract that fang, now."/“That’s why I became your fangs.”

Oh, and he has some feelings on Mikoto as well.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with? Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

What those feelings are beyond me. However, he speaks of his current disposition as though it's a problem. So, I'm putting it.

Kazui,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Kazui: To be honest, probably also Kashiki-chan. It feels like she sees through all the things I don’t want anyone to notice.

Amane,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Amane: Kirisaki Shidou.

and Mikoto,

Q.12 What do you think about Kotoko? Mikoto: I don't like her.

It makes sense that we the audience would know whom everyone is hostile towards. Especially since we just blatantly asked in some written interrogations. However, it's not as though many of them have been presenting their hostility towards each other openly.

Outside of Amane and Kotoko everyone else attempts to be cordial with each other or just outright avoid people they dislike. So, it's still weird he would know this unless he's really good at reading the mood and paying attention to others.

Something he has not shown himself to be. Though, maybe he really is. Still considering he has two individuals he'd could possibly have an issues with this really sounds like some shit somebody who wants start trouble says.

"If I'm not there... They will be in even more danger!"

Bitch you will be there- Guilty or not. You're not getting out of this panopticon any earlier unless you see yourself out buddy. Where do you think you go if you're guilty? The sunken place? You gonna mentally tap out because of the guilt and constant bombardment of being told you're wrong by the audience?

Other people who have been Guilty before you with no warning of what that mental or evironmentally entailed were still able to help and speak to others while suffering under the affects of said verdict. The child did it grow a backbone man! You're an adult and apparently you hold a lot of stake in the fact that you are... So, at least make it make sense why you do with your actions.

In case Shidou has forgotten we have a third trial. So, he's just being a fucking manchild here. Does he think we're gonna kill him immediately after he's voted guilty in this second trial out of three? Does he think as soon as the guilty verdict hits Kotoko is going to attack him? That's the most reasonable and good faith interpretation of this statement.

Like she did attack guilty people that's a fair concern to have. Yet, he's currenty being guarded. Because now that an attack has happened once the others are more on guard.

As Yuno implied would be the case,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks? Yuno: Is she an idiot? Nothing’s going to change in the world if you just act out violently where everyone can see.

If a person just acts out violently where everyone can see most people will reasonnable recognize that person is apart of the problem too. They won't usually assume they're the solution to anything. Plus again the fact that other people were guilty before him and he knows what that could reasonably entail he should be preparing for that possibility. It's clear that he wants to avoid it by any means and is doing his best to do that.

Which I can't fault the man for that's only natural. But-The fuck is Shidou's second voice drama fearmongering 101?! Why the fuck is he acting like this towards the end?

I bet you're thinking Gunsli is this your first time listening to Shidou's voice drama and honestly yeah it is.

This man is in here like what will they do without me. Despite the fact that a majority of viewers have pretty much agreed the child can take him out/is a serious threat to his safety. At the point the previous statement is widely considered a genuine concern true if anyone wants him dead outside of himself in this facility he is going to die. Because we know that from the beginning Shidou has wanted this all to end and to get the death penalty.

That he's been smoking to be unhealthy,

20/08/04 Mikoto: By the way, why did you two start smoking? For me it was just a means for communication with people at work. Kazui: Hm? I don’t really remember……It’s maybe changed nowadays, but in the past it was just natural for everyone to smoke. What about you, Shidou-kun? Do you remember? Shidou: ……I wonder. I suppose…… I just wanted to do something that was bad for me. Mikoto: Ahh, I kinda get that. It’s like eating instant ramen in the middle of the night.

So, he came into Milgram already trying to get out of life in general. So, he can't threaten himself like Haruka can. He's still gunning for that death sentence even now.

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY”."

The only thing he can do is what he's always done used the lives of those around him to excuse his actions and validate his own existence.

"But it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”. If the voices crying out in pain, can be saved by me- Allow it to be my charge and mission."

Like I don't know why he came in here acting like this verdict gonna make him someone he ain't and never was. Like man you couldn't even take care of your own- You want us to leave you in charge and responsible of even more people. People who have no reason to have to listen to or take him seriously. People who don't even like him.

Meanwhile Shidou's kids in Triage out here looking like they need Yusuke Urameshi not Shidou Kirisaki. What will they do without me? Man I don't know probably have a better grasp of road safety. You know just spitballing some guesses here.

He came in here really pretending to be the guy and for who? Himself because he's fucking weak and emotinally immature. He can't handle the mental stress of a guilty verdict, he couldn't even handle his own social relationships when his wife was alive,

Q.19 What was your partner like? Shidou: A strong person. I tend to be a bit careless in my personal life, so I was always relying on her.

or taking care their kids after she either died or got ill.

Like listening to the end of his second trial interrogation is legit hearing him hype up his own importance. As though he's going to be a meidcal doctor on the frontlines of a war and voting him guilty is equivalent to immediately killing him in front of a bunch of injured civilians. Halting people from getting aid. When that's not what's occuring here at all!

He's still going to be in Milgram and he will still have another trial. Like maybe he thinks that's what's occuring because of Kotoko but that's even weirder. Because there are more people against Kotoko's actions in the prison than for them.

One of which is fucking Kazui who is already guarding him.

Shidou... "I need to be punished... But I also need to stay alive or young lives will be lost."

Oh, Shidou you're such a martyr.... Pushing to the side your selfish desire to die because you're sick of living with yourself, your own failures, and the fact that the things you worked towards weren't the benefit you thought they would be and instead a massive failure-

Q.15 Do you think you’ve made a contribution to society? Shidou: I used to think my work was a contribution to society.

All because you've found something that validates your existence again. Something that,

"Tells me, the reason it’s ok to be here."

Again I need to highlight we're not fucking killing him with this verdict. Telling someone what they did was wrong is nowhere close to comparable to murder. Also, Kotoko can attack prisoners whether they're innocent or not. Jackalope's brought up that the prisoners are allowed to attack each other during the intermission all of them regardless of verdict.

Unless they're physically restrained and thuse made unable to they can still do it. Plus some of them are shown in full restraints within Undercover still ready to attack somebody if needed. It's not like she is completely bound to acting in accordance with Milgram's rules as has been highlighted before.

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday) Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time. Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you. Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets. Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly……

Yet, throughout his second trial voice drama he keeps subtly pushing this idea that not only will Mahiru die if we vote him guilty but he will too. That not even really touching on the fact the one to bring up a death sentence or execution as a result of the trials to begin with was Shidou.

He brought it to this point and is now lamenting about it being there like oh what should I do.

"I... I don't know what to wish for anymore. I'm starting to think that I want to live. That I want to be forgiven... Despite being so riddled with sins...! ..." Shidou... Do you remember what i told you? "..." Back when you were still fine with dying at any moment, I told you to deperately want to live. "Punishments for sins exist in the first place because we have an attachment to life. your existence in itself is a sacriliege to Milgram and myself", I said. "Yes... I remember." And now, finally, you've gotten attached to life and finally become a real prisoners of Milgram. That's what I believe. You wanting to be forgiven and your wish... Those are the steps that now represent you. "...That won't do... I musn't be forgiven. Otherwise... the countless lives I've taken will never be paid back." Heh. If you're really trying to give up your life as compensation for the people you've killed, then there's no reason to stay alive that will hold up anyway. "..." Don't face them with a life that you're so willing to throw away.

Es greatly sums up the main issue with Shidou's logic.

He is ready and willing to die.

Yet, all the people he killed weren't. Usually people seek medical attention for help, because they want to live. Because they're in pain and they don't want it to get worse. Thesse are people who are trying to survive and seeking out what they believe is the most appropriate help for either themselves, a family member, hell even a stranger on the street if someone calls an ambulance.

It's incredibly tragic when help doesn't get there soon enough but it's down right dispicable when the help is there and decides no you'll die today because I feel like it. You understand what it's like to have to take in order to give and I need to take from you to give something to myself. We're all suffering and you know some people like myself deserve to suffer less than others so this is just how it has to be.

Since that's the case-

"You're in my way...hurry up and die."

I see no difference between this and this.

"Please, go ahead and die already."

Excpet one of the people making this sort of statement puts a lot of stock in being a mature adult and never acting childishly. While the other is at least emotionally honest about their mistakes.

Why did I bring all of this up? To highlight a key difference between Shidou's voice drama and his song. Es never rebuts Shidou for saying he's the only one that can help or calls what he's doing a hostage game.

Making it more than likely Shidou is referring to the audience and the voices he heard discussing his case or something from his real life given the quotes around the phrase. This is more than likely something Shidou has said in reality or had said to him. I lean more towards the first interpretation when it comes to viewing these put in quotations lyrics as direct snippets of quotes from statements the prisoners have said but I'm not that committed either way.

The point is it highlights that he's not just referring to Es here,

He's instead speaking past Es and directly pleading to the audience or voters.

Which is the same thing Kotoko does here-

"So, make yourselves my reason. Just choose the only choice, GUILTY. Say that sympathy is useless. Hate evil as the evil that it is. Don’t you dare stop now. I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target “UNDER”."

Notably not stating that she became our fang before that but leading into that again. These lyrics (along with the prisoner 011 line in Kotoko's case) recontextualizes the entire song as a direct plea to the audience with allusions of concern towards Es. Mostly merging the two and going if you're on good terms with me I'll be on good terms with all you and your proxy if not things could get messy.

This showcases that they all see no difference between the audience, Es, and Milgram like stated before.

The ones who are more direct while referring to the audience are Yuno, Futa, Mu, Kazui, and Amane. Instead referring to multiple parties through their songs or one.

"I’m the one who chose, let you and you and you all in."

Yuno mentions two others before stating she let "you all" referring to the audience in.

"Don’t get cocky, you in that cypher."- "Tolerate, impress those spectators."- "This prison hosts ears and lethal eyes, I’m sick of it. You and you, throwing around rules for fun, hoisting up morality and feeling good. Should I succumb, make your wish come true? Full of yourselves, are you?"

Futa seperates the prison host from the audience the spectators. In a way showing off that he views Es as an entity hosting an event and the ones spectating as the actual entity he needs to impress or sway to his side. He's basically going if the audience likes me I'll be fine.

"So, it’s wrong? Oh shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right?"

It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is. "It's personal?" Yeah. That's right. "That's strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a warden you did have some things you dislike, but..." ... "Isn't it unusual to openly reavel a personal dislike as a personal dislike?" You're splitting hairs. "Seems like you really disliked my crime... I get it! Maybe it's because you're so young... Which is to say... ..." Hah? Stop staring at me so openly. It's disgusting. "..." ... [Es punches him]

Honestly warranted he is making fun of Es for the same reasons Jackalope did in Es' voice drama. Being a bit green behind the ears. Which is never fun. So, of course after that the first thing Es does is do the same thing to Amane in her interrogation after this.

... Now I feel better. "-Ow! What are you doing all of a sudden..?!" It was an instinctive reaction. Don't take it personally. "Would you stop just punching me in the face without any hesitation? ...huh Anyways... That's how it is, huh? That's how it is...?"

Kazui stating "That's how it is..." highlights that he does take note of Es' personal feelings. He not only does that but seems to take a moment to mentally compare them to what he's been hearing from the voices over the course trial one. Really honing in on the fact that Es says them disliking Kazui's crime is a personal thing.

Meaning that Kazui knows full and well that Es' personal opinion does not matter when it comes to the verdict and may have concluded as such. Something made even more clear by his second trial song opening with him telling Es to just go shove it. Fuck off get that nonsense out of here.

Kazui literally forgoes Es' statements on his actions from his second voice drama at the jump of cat like oh well the guard said it was wrong but fuck that- Innocent is the right answer. It's the conclusion you all came to the first time so.

Double down. Hence the-

"Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade. Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade."

The only allusion to Es in Cat is,

"So it’s wrong? Oh shove that!"

This is because Es has already said they personally dislike Kazui's crime or people who act based on their sexual desires. Meaning if Kazui's crime is that of a sexual nature trying to sway Es on seeing it any other way is pointless. So, he no longer has an interest in convincing Es his behavior was okay. Plus he's not even really concerned by what the audience themselves have assumed or figured out. Something alluded to through how comfortable he in while singing Cat in comparison to Half.

Amane's is rather straight forward as well. Considering her song starts with direct recognition of the audience/spectators going-

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! It’s the beginning of a most wonderful day! However, there are blasphemers and silent by-standers, who would have it otherwise. We must not give into them, they are the ones that should be judged." - "I disavow you, eyes corrupted must be crushed."

These are the only references Amane makes to the audience and Milgram. Literally going those who agree with me you know what to do. Those who don't well we can't give into those people now can we!

Then there's Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires."- "We are just the same. Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting?"

Mu compares how what the audience is doing is no different from what she has done. So of course it only makes sense she'd be Innocent. Then specifically speaks of Es after. The one who is also controlling people with their gentle sting. (This statment does apply to the audience as well. Since we're impacting the prisoners through the press of a button a gentle sting/poke. )

The lines calls attention to the emotional and psychological abuse Kotoko points out as being just as bad as what she's doing in her voice drama. Something Es also brings up as a factor in Mu's case during you guessed it her second voice drama.

When Mu says she never really hit anyone herself and Es goes yeah you just had other people do it for you.

"I haven't bullied anyone! I'd never do such a mean thing!" ... "I've never once hit anyone or poured water over anyone's head. I wouldn't do something like that!" ... "I'm not lying. I'm not being dishonest! I really haven't done anything!" I see. I'll take note of that.

Just like Kotoko did with Es. Saying just because you never hit anyone doesn't mean you haven't caused harm or incited it to occur. As Es attempts to highlight they never really used excessive physical violence/took it as far as Kotoko did with the prisoners. Despite the fact that they have hit them and impacted some of them just as negatively as Kotoko has.

Even more so from the admission of Mahiru in her second voice drama.

"I mean it. It doesn't hurt. Compared to the way I felt when you chose not to forgive me... Not at all." ...! "Not at all... Nothing. None of it hurts. It's not...as big of a deal. Ever since, I've constantly been hearing...voices saying I couldn't be forgiven. Yours? Whose? I don't know... I don't know, but... I've heard them this whole time." Mahiru, calm down... "Was what I did such a bad thing? I just... had a normal relationship like everyone else...! That's all I did! Why can that not be forgiven? Hey, why? Why? Why?"

Kotoko's second trial voice drama does well to follow up on those similarities It's Not My Fault, Bring It On, and Backdraft highlighted between the prisoners and those who watch Milgram. The same mentality to jump into something that is quite frankly no one other than the parties involved business just to turn around and blame others when things get bad.

Later

"Ah- But if you don't forgive me, then Haruka-kun will die. So, I think it'd be best not to do that." ...! So, you've heard about that nonsense, too? "Mhm! Haruka-kun told me. So, I could rest easy according to him. That made me happy... It made me really feel our friendship!" You know about it and you're not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is? "Why would I? Haruka-kun says that's what he wants. So, there's nothing I can do, right?" But you're calling him your friend? "Isn't it exactly because he's, my friend? Isn't friendship about letting your friends do the stuff they want?" ... "Are you planning to tell me, "That's not what friendship is."? Then, what is it? It's about sticking together because it's beneficial for everyone involved, isn't it?" I don't think Haruka is benefitting from that at all. "No way... It's not like you'd know what's good for him." ... You sure are tough to beat. "I really don't get what it is you're trying to say, Warden-san. Haruka-kun is free to decide what he wants, and I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not like I asked him to do that!" I see. So, that's how it is, huh. You don't say anything; just because you're present, the wishes of those around you evolve to benefit you- Oh, so that's it. Like, a born queen. No, it's as if you're influencing your surroundings not with words but with pheromones... Just like a queen bee. "Pheromones...? I'm not sure what you're going on about but I'm not a fan of that lewd-sounding stuff." That's not the nuance i was talking about. "Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of not being forgiven than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good, for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?" ...You're making my blood boil. "Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe, too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff." ...That is...a very enticing proposal. "Right? Hah, hehehe." Abandoning all thinking... How nice it would be if I could just do that. "...If you ask me, I don't really get why you don't do it..." Because this is the role I'm playing! "But this role was giving to you, wasn't it?" ...! "You didn't end up doing this because you wanted to, right? It's not a dream you've had for a long time or anything, Warden-san? So, there's no need to let it tie you down. Couldn't you just quit?" What are you... "Warden-san- We call you warden, because that's what you are, right? And I wa sassigned the role of prisoner, but that doesn't mean I'm now nothing but a prisoner at heart, too. After all, I'm still me." ...! "Are you okay warden? Are you feelings sick again?" Haah...haeuahh... "That's because you keep thinking too much about difficult things." ...Gyh!... Haah... "Just stop. Being the warden, that is."

Es brings up that Mu is emotionally manipulative. That she hones onto any weakness to exploit in those she dislikes and makes herself look small so those around will feel more inclined to help her. Through her voice drama, like many of the other prisoners, Mu uses the same tactics that got her into Milgram to begin with.

From her first voice drama Mu is well aware that Es has issues when it comes to thinking about themselves outside of their job as prison guard. She recognizes it as a trigger which she willfully exploits in an attempt to get her point across better.

Then despite saying what Kotoko did is no concern of hers and since it was approved by the warder it'd be wrong of her to disagree with it earlier in the same voice drama her tone changes a lot near the end.

"Huh? But that has nothing to do with me." What? "The ones who are suffering are the ones who have done bad things right? You know, like, what goes around comes around?" ... "Besides Kotoko-san hurt and was mean to the people who you chose not to forgive, right?" ...Yeah. "Wouldn't it be weird for me to have any thoughts on that, then? After all, I didn't do anything wrong. You forgave me!"

Yet, suddenly when the idea that she might be viewed as in the wrong later comes up Kotoko is running amok and is a prisoner more deserving of not being forgiven than her. Because Mu as she has always done puts targets on other people to avoid being singled out herself. Then to add insult to injury she directly contradicts what she says about friendship and it being letting the people around you do what they want.

By continuing to badger Es into quiting being a guard and stop taking the role so seriously. Because Es taking their job seriously does not benefit Mu. It puts her at risk of being singled out and votes guilty later down the line. So, it's better if they just drop it.

If they don't/can't she has no issues, or qualms making the situation more difficult for them by poking at weak spots until Es-

If you want to betray from jealousy I’ve told you what’s gonna happen.

What's the point of highlighting all of this? Why include all the others when this is just meant to be about if Mikoto references the audience over the course of trial two.

Well, to be completely honest this isn't about them.

Even though at times this seems to be about the others. They're only being used as examples of how I analyzed the information provided and discerned through my own perspective when the audience was being referred to, how it was being referred to and why.

It is just easiest to explain that method over the course of all the prisoners and build up to Mikoto.

It just so happens that this may stand out more overtly with Mu than any of the other prisoners. Because of how consistent a character she is. Like she states in her voice drama no matter what labels external forces put on her, inside, in her heart she will always be Mu. She, like all the other prisoners, isn't changing and has no desire to change.

Their only desire is to escape punishment and gain social power and influence by any means necessary at times.

This is important with how they refer to the audience and the entities they choose to suck up to. Many of the prisoners have recognized being nice to Es just does not matter long term because they are just a proxy. They don't have much power or influence over how the prisoners are viewed.

Sure, it's good to get along with them for images sake during the interrogation but ultimately how well off they are with the guard doesn't heavily impact their verdict.

Yet, as long as they aren't outwardly and overtly malicious, they can get away with harassing Es if they want to. Mu's whole thing is making it appear as though she had no malicious intent or at least if she did it was a warranted response to the circumstances. She's just a victim, an underdog biting back. It's not her fault people were mean to her, but she doesn't just have to take it on the chin and wear it.

She has a right to protect herself after all she was-

"Having such a hard time." and "Trying so hard."

She was at a point where she couldn't take it anymore. Her heart was all dried up and her sorry spells weren't working.

Mikoto is the same way throughout his voice drama.

A mix of Mu and Mahiru's behavior. Basically, they're all passive aggressive about it. Dancing around the point instead of tackling it head on.

Not really elaborating on what they've heard but more so implying it through their emotional states and responses.

"If you just laugh and pretend, usually things will work out in the end right?"

"I'm pretty good at that! Making things work out to the best of my abilities." Is that so... "Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" You emerged, huh. "Hey. Looks like you haven't received a beating yet, Warden brat." ...! ... "Hah? What, are you scared?" Like you didn't get beaten by Kotoko...! "Heheh... That was just because she caught me off guard. We went at it again while you were asleep and it's not like i lost there."

Mikoto in his second voice drama similarly to Mahiru and Kazui does not willfully give Es or the audience information. Instead questioning Es on what they believe and what they saw.

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" In precise terms it's called, Dissociative Identity Disorder. Generally speaking it refers to when a person experiences severe pain or stress, and a new personality is created in order to isolate the original personality from the resulting trauma. "Yeah. I... probably come out to ease the stress I experience."

It's important to note that Mikoto (John) is not speaking in past tense here but present tense. So, he's not stating I emerged in the past in response to the stress Mikoto was experiencing. He's literally saying I'm coming out now to ease the stress he's currently experiencing.

Subtly calling to attention that Milgram, the verdict and the audience voices are causing Mikoto stress and he was brought out to handle and relieve Mikoto from that.

Even elaborating after that-

"The fact that I come out for longer just means that I'm constantly under extreme stress."

Again highlighting the negative impact Milgram has had on Mikoto's mental health and wellbeing. Yet also calling to attention that Mikoto (John) doesn't have a clue about what the source of the stress is. Just that Mikoto must be stressed for him to be here. Saying that just means and going off the fact that he's here at all to discern that.

Them asking this at least confirms again that they both recognize the audience as well as Es at least know Mikoto has Dissociative Identity Disorder. Something Mikoto states he's heard from the voices on his birthday as well.

The fact that he's questioning if there's really another "me" on his birthday means he more than likely heard that from the audience. He doesn't really get the chance to broach it in his voice drama or doesn't broach the topic.

Yet it is made abundantly clear before that occurs that Mikoto is aware due to the voices he's heard from the audience. So there's that as well.

All this makes the moment after this particularly interesting.

Stress... Namely, the environment of Milgram, right? "Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing. That's why I'm entrusting me with my heart." I see. "Not like I can blame myself. From my point of view, I'm being blamed for a crime I can't even remember." If that's the truth, then... You're the one who committed the murder? "Yeah, it was me. I killed them off." ... "So, I, Mikoto really didn't do it." Can i ask... Why you killed them? "They annoyed me." Who did you kill? "Just whoever was walking around nearby." ... How many did you kill? "Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

Just whoever was walking around-

In this empty ass back alley looking underpass in the dead of fucking night. Okay, Lil' Slugger. I believe you.

I too walk around in the dark of night to secluded spaces with no public foot traffic and a loud passing train that would mask not only my screams but those of anyone else around this is true and reasonable. It's something we all have to do we can't control where our homes are located or find other safer alternative night routes at times. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and people like Mikoto are there.

Sometimes you have to walk up to or past a suspicious ominously posted up stranger that definitely doesn't look in any way to be waiting to initiate a hit. That's not something any person would want to avoid in the middle of the night on their walk by all means. I would have seen you like this and went whelp fuck my house is that way... Aw, damn he's either gonna kill me or I'm gonna get home but I gotta walk that way. Better start praying and speed walking.

I ain't even a religious person but I need something to have me right now.

We already made eye contact. I saw him see me. That was my first mistake. Can't get out of it now. Whelp, I have the perfect song for this. I'm such a fucking disappointment. Oh, this route will be shorter there's not many people on it! We'll get home faster. Now I'm about to die.

I would be so pissed to die because this guy was just what fucking waiting to hurt somebody. What the fuck man pick up a contact sport and put the bat down!

Think I was fucking around when I said okay I belive you well ha ha; no. I wasn't. I don't believe this is the truth in this instance. However, I one hundred percent believe this is some city shit. The fucked up thing is what he just said isn't unreasonable like that shit happens there's senseless violence all the time. That doesn't make it better he really went on the mic and said,

"I killed someone because it really was just one of those days, I'm quirky like that. I didn't even know them. Didn't even know their name. They were just annoying had those hit me with a bat vibes you know."

Like dude fuck you that's not better. That's substantially worse actually. I'm sorry this has nothing to do with the question. It's just... Rewatching Mikoto's second voice drama is a trip. One second it's like if you did do that for the reason you stated then you're kind of just objectively the worst person here and continuing to vote you guilty would be better.

He just admitted he just does this shit to relieve his own stress and it doesn't matter who he hits. It's not personal in any way. Does having a hard time and demanding job excuse that? I don't think it does. These were all people to his own quick and flimsy admission had no connection to him. Never wronged him, hell they're strangers whose only crime was walking near him.

Yet the child who killed their abuser is barely treading water while he's here coasting-

That's fucked up! The fanbase did Amane Momose dirty and it really just seems like it's because she's a child. Because these fucking adults be acting hell of childish and they are not getting as much heat as this twelve year old has. Be better. The fuck type of defense is this. He really came in here and said,

"I felt like it so I did. What's the problem?"

Then a majority of people went alright go off he's such a victim- Of what nepotism, marginally good looking priviliege?! Being shippable and okay to sexualize leading to people liking and projecting on him more than a twelve-year-old?! Because all of those things are actually helping him a lot if you take a step back to think about. Like if you take in the image in full he's doing quite well now in comparison to the shit start he had.

He literally said I killed just because they annoyed me. I didn't even know them and people went I do not dee the problem with that. Go off king people do be annoying. If you don't want to die don't be annoying in public. Being annoying death penalty actively abusining your child for years and killing a cat come on Amane jumping to murder due to that was a bit of leap wasn't it. Like even if your religion said so sweety killing is bad.

Because the truth is if he was Amane's age and gave the excuse that was given here it wouldn't be working. It would be giving repeat offender energy he would need to learn a lesson. He would be hiding behind his disorder.

Even though Mikoto (John) may only be admiting to committing the murders to cover for Mikoto which I'll go into again later... I'm mostly highlighting this to go this should not have made him be more favorably viewed. Like people really just ignored he said that shit.

Yet, then other times in the voice drama it really sounds like listening to your friend lie about the disorder they have blatantly and without restraint to get out of something they simply did not want to do to begin with. To an individual that is woefully underinformed about how the disorder works. Which is me saying it's fucking hilarious. It is absolutely amazing. He should keep doing that actually.

It's not Mikoto or Mikoto (John's) fault that people are ignorant when it comes to dissociative identity disorder and stereotype people that have it. He should take advantage of what aids him. If that's the ignorance of others in this age it takes ten seconds to start researching. No one has to teach anybody in the real wold except teachers and they ain't paid well for it.

We gotta figure it out on our own. He is in jail he doesn't owe society or anyone in that jail shit especially the truth and he isn't giving it.

Mikoto (John) goes me fronting longer has allowed me to stabilize which probably isn't good and means Mikoto the prisoner is disappearing. That is not typically not how Dissociative Identity Disorder works. I don't know why anyone would want to present it as though it does work the way Mikoto (John) is purporting. He's basically saying that alters are born at random and are immediately violent.

This is a a very weird and stereotypical way of discussing and presenting people with DID. That has led to the demonization and stigmatizing of the disorder. It's not like it can't happen people can have violent alters but usually they're responding to a trigger not just being violent towards uninvolved parties or just lashing out at anyone while outside of stressful situations.

Plus, alters can go dormant but that doesn't just happen due to someone else fronting. They can also be integrated. Everyone is different though. So, maybe that's just how this works for Mikoto. Though, alters do disappear for a bit that happens as well. So, why is Mikoto (John) acting like Mikoto's gonna die?

It's difficult for me not to question how this was phrased, especially given what others have pulled over the course of trial two. A good deal of trial two has been prisoners going well if you vote me Guilty someone else will disappear/die- So, you should just like find me innocent. It's that easy find me innocent and everything will be fine.

Like these assholes have genuinely forgotten they are in here because someone has already died. They really be out here like I will certainly take a life but it won't be mine. Do as I say not as I do. Violence is bad and we wouldn't want to hurt anyone let's all just get along.

Where was this Barney ass logic when you were giving people head-on collisions with bats, knives to people's chest, committing malpractice. Like none of these people have said there's no reason to take a life because they've all fucking done it. Just that there's no reason to take away their lives. At least with the people who have brought that sort of thing up.

Isn't that sort of fucked up? That all of trial two a good deal of prisoners threatened the audience with the idea of someone dying as a result of the audiences' actions. Completely ignoring, downplaying, or evading the fact that someone has already died because of their actions.

Instead, it's about reducing harm in the present suddenly. Yet they weren't thinking about reducing harm when they did what they did. Maybe reducing harm to themselves. Then when their victims come up they get real quiet suddenly. Unless it's Shidou or Mahiru who immediately turn it around and make it about how the victims deaths are impacting them.

How it's making them feel bad.

Even ignoring all of the emotionally questionable things presented here and over the course of trial two. Pushing that to the side and just taking the voice drama by itself.

It's riddled with contradictions. For example, this statement

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?"

Let's again ignore the fact that you were working and taking the fucking train before Milgram. Something that is not only expressly shown in your music video but corroborated by Mikoto's own testimony that directly conflicts with seeing you on a fucking train,

Q.12 How do you travel to work? Mikoto: Road cycling. It’s one of my hobbies, and it’s good exercise too. The fact I don’t have to worry about making the last train can be both a blessing and a curse.

Meanwhile in clown town where the alibis are shit and keeping a story straight is dead.

Q.17 Do you smoke? Mikoto: Only electric. I used to smoke real cigarettes in the past, but since I started my job I’ve stopped.

Like they even change the tote bags they carry so one has the color we fucking have had associated with Mikoto (John) and the other doesn't so the person taking the fucking train is more than like Mikoto (John).

Not even adding to the fact Mikoto confirms that he's the one who works at night in his fucking first written interrogation through this answer-

Q.06 What do you hate? Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

All things that appear or are alluded to in MeMe. Either from the tarot cards or expressly shown like with the images of him returning home.

Ah, man it'd be a fucking shame if on top of all that there was canonical merch that showed Mikoto vaping after the murder or holding an e-cigarette.

Certainly no one has that and the staff wouldn't provide us with something so damning because they like to keep things up to interpretation and it's not meant to be solvable. It's about how we all view it, view it in our hearts through our feelings.

Meanwhile the third anniversary art coming in with a steel chair.

(Something I brought up way before, along with the idea that the art from the third anniversary is in fact the prisoners after their crimes. Even getting this merch to check more closely. )

Oh, Holmes I'm absolutely stumped at what this could mean. Surely this is still just Mikoto (John) too. It could be no one else. Mikoto is an honest innocent man who couldn't hurt a fly.

All he did was dream. Except when that witty bastard plum forgot he still smoked cigarettes occasionally just a few times. Quitting is difficult, yes, even when moving over to the same thing in a different form. It doesn't mean he's a liar.

For another example, here

This is not Mikoto (John) in MeMe smoking in the tub but still Mikoto. He's an honest but confused man. Who wouldn't know or rightfully remember no longer smoking cigarettes.

Okay time to stop joking around-

It is more reasonable to recognize that they both appear throughout MeMe and Double and this is subtly displayed through their stated habits, clothing, and facial expressions. Then just ignoring the pile of evidence that shows Mikoto (John) clearly had a life outside of here too.

Along with that again to Mikoto's own admission trial one he was the one more active at night until recently. Stating with extraordinarily little prompting-

Q.20 Are you more of a morning person or a night person? Mikoto: I used to be basically nocturnal. Recently though I’ve been falling asleep pretty early.

Ignoring all of that again he's still just fucking lying.

Just because alters don't front doesn't mean they don't have a stable internal existence. What the fuck are you on about right now? Like at most I can generously say he meant it was becoming easier for him to front but this was bullshit.

This was not a good way of phrasing that. Again alters that don't front have personalities and could even have rich lives internally. So, Mikoto (John) is on some nonsense. Like he's just testing what he can fucking get away with because he knows Es is stupid and ill informed.

Every day I question how he is getting away with it when the honest answer is,

People frankly don't care to see it and that's fine.

There's even the fucking fact that Mikoto (John) directly fucking contradicts himself right after stating this.

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?" ... "If I had stayed a monster maybe that would've been better. ...What?" You've turned out to be much more rational than I expected... I'm surprised. "I'm a university graduate after all."

Alright, Mikoto (John) which the fuck is it?

Have you only recently been fronting enough to stabilize leading to you being able to communicate properly or did you front for all of fucking college?

You were at least aware enough of it to consider yourself a college graduate. So, what's the truth? Huh which fucking is it?

"Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

I am once again asking how you fucking remember college Mikoto (John)?! Yet, were just born back then?

Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room-

The threekoto or trikoto theory.

Because some people may want to say if you take into consideration the existence of a third unknown alter than all these inconsistencies can be explained, Gunsli. This is what all those inconsistencies are hinting towards, it's the perfect explanation you're just choosing not to see it.

Yes, I am choosing not to see it that way.

Yet that's not only because it doesn't bring me any narrative joy and subtracts from it. It's also because I view that concept as a cheap fix-it solution where a new factor has been shoved into the narrative in order to account for things within it that could be logistically explained by other means. There's also no actual evidence to this being the case.

One could rightfully say what about the inconsistencies you just pointed out though.

Those could simply be explained by a fact that Milgram has brought up since the beginning of the series-

The prisoners can lie.

If the prisoners who are under more restrictions than Mikoto (John) still have the freedom to lie why are people assuming Mikoto (John) isn't lying as well? Especially when being faced with an unknown, dangerous situation, in which he's been threatened with the death sentence? Like wouldn't the reasonable response to such an odd situation be to keep your information yours alone. Not willfully give it to an entity exerting power over you?

So, the inconsistencies found here very well could be there to hint at what exactly happened once all the information is examined together.

Though, let's be serious for a bit.

Let me walk down that bridge with anyone who wants to go there? What's the actual probability that all the information that they gave us-

Including naming the songs,

MeMe and Double.

Along with willfully adding this fucking very overt line,

"Doesn’t matter if you didn’t wish for it, can’t get rid of me now. Just the two of us, relieved, aren’t you? I’ll protect you (us)."

Are all actually statements meant to mislead the audience and both Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are being honest about not remembering the murder and this third more recently born alter is the actual murderer. Because given that statement on the crimes and Mikoto (John)'s admission that yes, he is a college graduate, the lyrics in Double pointing out we made him out to be a scoundrel-

In my opinion that would be the most reasonable conclusion to draw if I were to believe this is true with the information we've been given so far.

Even if that were the case and all of these other things were red herrings.

These would all be objectively the worst red herrings in existence. Because that isn't a red herring it's a fucking school of them. Grab a fishing rod and get to it. This is past the point of being considered a red herring and instead would be more aptly described as a series of overt lies.

You know a good red herring is when people can actually figure out it is that and there's evidence in canon alluding to that being the case and what is commonly accepted as truth being disingenuous. I'm not the biggest Steven Universe fan nor do I hate it passionately. I'm more neutral to it.

So, let's use it as an example.

-Spoilers for Steven Universe-

In Steven Universe it turns out Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz are the same fucking person. There is art that alludes to this before this reveal. There were speculations and theories of this being the case. What Steven Universe did not do repeatedly at any point was go she's not a diamond we swear this is a normal Rose Quartz.

They didn't draw attention to the elephant in the room over and over. Most of the characters in the series believed fully that she was a quartz and had been lied to for years. It's never called attention to because it is a wildly accepted truth. So, nobody questioned it.

Yet, there were still hints this was the case enough for people to speculate such far before it was revealed to be the case. My point is red herrings are seen not heard, not repeated over and over. A red herring by definition is one misleading clue or accepted truth meant to trick the viewer into believing something that is untrue or move them away from the truth.

It's not a consistent pattern.

-End Spoilers for Steven Universe-

Then to add more insult to fucking injury why the fuck would Deco*27 say this-

This isn't a red herring this isn't even within the canon.

This is a statement he made independent of the canon. Outside of that he didn't even have to give a specific number but did anyway. He could have just said what will happen to the Mikoto's now. If they wanted this shit to remain ambiguous. Yet, he still used two unless this translation from the Milgram app is simply wrong and it added that.

It'd be weird but machine translations have been weirder.

Yet, considering everything I've seen it truly makes more sense for me to believe Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are both being dishonest for self-preservation reasons than to believe that the entire series has been lying from jump.

I just find it more likely that these two who found themselves in such a strange situation, who are vehemently trying to convince the audience and the other prisoners around them that they are honest trustworthy men are just fucking lying about a lot of provably false shit. Then as it tends to happen when someone is telling lies off the seat of their fucking pants there are many easily spotted contradictions and direct confirmation of actual truths.

Because the truth tends to be consistent lies aren't unless a person is very skilled at it. (Glances at Kazui.) Throwing all that to the side.

If the idea of there being three alters brings someone joy, then that's all well and good. I'm not trying to stomp that out or rain on anyways parade. I just don't personally want the information I discuss to be associated with that or have any interest in discussing that interpretation.

There are a lot of people who'd have a great time doing that. I am not one of them.

Because I feel using that idea to excuse the fact that the alibi, excuses, other statements Mikoto has given, and the reality of the situation through the songs extracted directly contradict each other in a way that highlights he may not be being honest is not only incredibly convenient for him but somewhat disingenuous.

This includes his voice dramas and the birthday interaction before Double premiered. Unsurprisingly.

I'm not looking for an easy fix for those inconsistencies that keep Mikoto looking infallible and like he couldn't hurt a fly. I'm not looking for something that frames Mikoto as being in the right, a good person, and a victim of circumstance while highlighting an alter as being completely bad and in the wrong always. Because that sort of story is lacking in nuances in my opinion and wouldn't be fun to me.

If that were the case it would make it feel as though the story itself was highlighting Mikoto's character having dissociative identity disorder as the reason for him being a murderer or the only thing that led to these issues occurring. Something that just doesn't feel right to me personally.

It's never like what has Mikoto done/chosen to do or how could he have responded differently or managed stress better. Nope it's always an alters fault, it's always the disorders' fault. There's no respect for Mikoto's own agency because he's a guy with a disorder, he didn't mean it, he couldn't help it, that's just how it is.

The impressive thing is how often Milgram as a series pushes back against this interpretation and simplification of dissociative disorders in general.

Then the fandom pretty much plays into this trying to tell others there's a definitive way to know if someone has it, how many alters they have, and at what time an alter is out just by vibes and speaking patterns alone.

As if dissociative identity disorder doesn't involve a shit ton of masking and trying to appear fine to avoid being singled out by others.

Milgram highlights this issue with the perception of dissociative disorder through Amane's voice drama.

Where Es literally implies that since Amane's case doesn't present the same exact way as Mikoto's and she cannot do the same things as him that solidifies to them that Amane herself cannot have a dissociative disorder. So, in Es' eyes what Amane is doing is just playing pretend by referring to herself as we and god. So, really all she is or appears to be to Es at the end of the day is a kid throwing a tanturm and playing make believe.

Well... It's in vain. So, you might as well listen to me while we're here. "I won't forgive you. I won't forgive you." Prisoners can't attack the warden. This is one of Milgram's core rules, although a certain guy with multiple personalities managed to slip past it. "I won't forgive you... I won't forgive you..." Which means Milgram doesn't dictate who the prisoners are by their body but by their mind. If the mind isn't accounted for then the rule doesn't apply. It bothers me that there's a loophole, but... "I'll kill you...! I'll kill you!" Thanks to this defective rule we can confirm this; The 'you' holding the scissors right now isn't a god or a concept. It's Amane Momose herself. "...I'll..." So, what you're doing right now really is just a game of pretending. This is stupid.

Then Amane later in her voice drama calls out Es for referring to themselves as we. Saying that Es must just be playing pretend to avoid taking accountability for their actions as well.

Es makes the very severe and common mistake of assuming all dissociative disorders present the same way and immediately has their own logic used again them. Leading them to have another crisis of identity. They're shown to have a serious lack of understanding of themselves and their opinion.

Something that from the beginning of Milgram has been shown to cause them discomfort in multiple voice dramas. Mu's first and second one, Kotoko's first and second one, and Amane's second one. This same logic could very well lead to the audience making a lot of the same mistakes as Es is presented making.

Well, that was longer than I anticipated. But, there's a lot of things about Mikoto that imply he not only heard the audience voices but took the reaction he received into account when deciding on how he proceeded.

Other than that, I've got a birthday to have. Sorry for the long answer and going much more in depth than I needed to. I also hope none of this was rude.

Though i can't really control how I'm interpreted.

#gunsli rambles #milgram #mikoto kayano

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animeyanderelover · 1 year

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How would the yanderes, Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Temari (from Naruto Shippuden/Naruto), Gaara (from Naruto Shippuden), Kushina Uzumaki, Minato Uzumaki (The 4th Hokage), Ichigo Kurosaki (from Bleach) and Toshiro (the icy shorty from Bleach), Ino Yamanaka (from Naruto Shippuden...), Mikoto Uchiha (included..in the Naruto series)...help their darling escape a loveless marriage to someone she doesn't even love. The yandere is fully aware of the extent of the darlings dislike for the man because the darling told him/her that the man whom the darling is forced to marry once was a little boy and the darling was not more than a little girl back then years ago bullied her because she was hard of hearing and made life hell for her and once ripped out her hearing aid and made her ear bleed. The darling hated that bloody guy and tried telling her parents to not make her marry him but they refused to listen to reason and said that the darling was a liar and he was a good man...(The darling was extremely lifeless and dull eyed telling the yandere that and nothing helped anymore. The darling used to be full of life when the yandere first met her/his darling...Darling didn't care anymore and rather preferred to stay with the yandere than her family who cared more about their reputation than their daughter who is going to be married off to someone she hates.)

I put Minato and Kushina into a poly edition because otherwise there would have been 11 characters which would have been against my rules.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsession, bullying, delusions, overprotective behavior, clinginess, paranoia, stalking, manipulation, threats, blackmail, violence

I don’t want to marry this bully!

Minato Namikaze & Kushina Uzumaki

⚡️🌶️You’re always welcomed in the house of this couple, both of them yearn for nothing more than share their love and life with you. Minato and Kushina already complete each other so well but you’re the last piece of the puzzle for their lives to truly be perfect. Won’t you let them embrace you, love you and spoil you to their hearts content? Surely Kushina sometimes gets a bit impatient, asks Minato how long the two of them are going to wait but her husband always tells her to just be patient for a bit longer. Soon, soon you’ll be in their arms.

⚡️🌶️But then you turn up in front of their house, a look in your eyes that causes both to instantly usher you inside with a worried look on their faces. They offer you a hot beverage which Kushina ends up forcing you to take before you find yourself on the couch, stuck between those two. Kushina’s arms are already on your biceps as she asks you what happened. Both of them are ready to listen and so you spill everything that happened in your family. You don’t show any signs of emotions but notice how Kushina’s eyes widen in horror and how Minato’s lips tighten and his gaze narrows. When you’re finished with your story, Kushina throws herself at you and engulfs you in a tight hug. She can’t believe that your own family would do something so cruel to you, Minato has troubles helping her distressed and clingy state for the reason that he himself can only try to stay calm right now. Both instantly prepare a room for you to stay in.

⚡️🌶️Kushina needs to be around you to calm herself from the shock, is more touchy and possessive than she already is. Minato appears at first more composed but has gotten more protective. He doesn’t want you to be alone without him or his wife around and spends more time around you too. Both are also really sweet and doting as they want to cheer you up. They buy the snacks that you love, take you to places where you three used to go when you were children and do the things they know will make you laugh. And they help you to escape your loveless marriage. Kushina in her sheer rage alone would have already stormed to your bully and your family and would have given them more than an earful of threats and warnings but Minato reminds her that they should solve the problem differently.

⚡️🌶️Kushina urges him to do something and that influences him. Her anger gets added to his own as the Hokage is infuriated with the situation you’re in. He has the influence and power and strives for immediate humiliation of the bully. He exposes the truth and a lot of other secrets, might even add something that isn’t even there to worsen everything. After your family has been made aware of what sort of person he is, he breaks of the arranged marriage. Then he has a personal talk with your family together with Kushina. Kushina shows her anger and pain for you since your own family tried to force you into a marriage. Then there’s Minato who expresses his disappointment in a colder fashion which causes goosebumps to erupt on their skins. Both make it obvious that they would like your family to stay away from you for a while, Minato more subtly than Kushina. Until you’ve decided to forgive them, you’ll stay with them.

Mikoto Uchiha

🌋Despite her being part of the prestigious Uchiha clan, Mikoto has never halted to befriend her darling. She knows that she’s harder of hearing but has no such things as prejudices. Mikoto wants her darling to he happy and it would be even better when her darling would be happy with her. As nice and sweet as this woman can be, Mikoto is still rather possessive and wants to be loved by you. She has told you multiple times to not be intimidated and come to visit her in the Uchiha compound when you need something. She knows that you’re still a bit frightened so she knows that the situation is more serious when you turn up in front of her house, a empty look in those normally lively eyes.

🌋She instantly gestures you to get in when she sees the look on your face, leads you to the kitchen where she tells you to sit down. For a while you just sit there in silence whilst she prepares some tea for the both of you although she casts concerned glances in your direction multiple times. She hands you a cup of green tea before she sits down next to you and tells you that she’s ready to listen. You expected it to be hard to talk but her honest onyx eyes make the words just flow out of you. You’re in a dire situation, don’t want to marry the same jackass that ripped your hearing aid off. You feel her warm hand squeezing your own tightly as soon as you’re finished, a smile on her face. It contrasts the bubble of rage inside her chest but this is to put you at ease.

🌋This is unbelievable and not something that should happen to you. Mikoto is instantly willing to lend her hand and support you in any way she can. At first she advices you to stay with her since outsiders are rarely seen venturing inside the Uchiha compound. Don’t worry, you’re not a bother by staying with her. She lives alone, she’d be more than happy with the company. Especially if it’s your company. If your family still dares to look for you, she is not afraid to become more scary with a frightening smile and a not sincere look in her eyes. Just because she appears like she’s nice doesn’t mean that she is actually all the time. Mikoto also gets in contact with Fugaku with whom she happens to be befriended.

🌋That friendship comes with it’s convenience since Fugaku just happens to be the head of the police department. He’ll surely be able to help Mikoto a bit. Mikoto opts for the way to really prove that this guy is a terrible person to your parents in hopes of getting them to break this whole marriage off. If they still refuse, she will grab things with a harder grip. She won’t hesitate to bring this case in front of the police or even inform the Hokage. She doesn’t care if she sounds petty, she just cares about you right now. She won’t rest until you jump at her and tell her happily that you won’t have to marry that man anymore. She’s so joyful together with you, wants to celebrate with you. You’re lucky that you never see the icy, sickeningly fake look in her eyes when your bully or your parents approach her.

Temari

🌪️Temari is the type of person who tries to downplay her feelings here and there but it doesn’t take away from the fact that she cares. Most certainly is she a stricter person, slightly controlling over her darling which is a direct result of her own lucidity regarding her obsessive infatuation. She’s not one who would like to lose her cool because of her feelings and burden her siblings so she keeps you close to her side to calm her obsession and her more violent side down. A very busy jonin who works hard for her village and helps her brothers as much as she can. Temari always squeezes some time in for you though.

🌪️She’s a bit surprised when she returns freshly from a mission and finds her darling sitting in front of her door like a stray kitten, face buried in her knees. The woman can almost sense that something is filling you with distress and taps you lightly on your shoulder so that you notice her. One look at your face and she instantly knows that something is very wrong. She lets you inside, keeps her normally straightforward questions to herself. This must be something more personal, she doesn’t want to be too insensitive right now. She’s worried but should give you some time to brace yourself before you tell her. If you do hesitate a bit, Temari grows a bit impatient but that’s only because she’s concerned. Be aware that you have her undivided attention the moment you open up and she listens to everything.

🌪️The woman has a temper as terrible as the storm but she really attempts to hold herself back after you’ve told her the truth. She’s infuriated, her fists are clenched and her teeth are gritting slightly against each other as she takes in deep breaths through her nose as she tries to swallow her anger down for just this moment. After the worst is over, she pinches the bridge of her nose as a troubled sigh escapes her lips. Then she finally glances at you again, tells you in a matter-of-fact voice that you’ll stay in her house for the time being. She prepares the guest room for you and asks you to instantly come to her when your family or your trashy fiancé should try to approach you. Later that night, when you’re asleep and she thinks about everything you told her, her temper finally bursts out a bit as she slams her palms against the desk.

🌪️This woman has influence and quite the social status. She’s a respected jonin and the older sister of the Kazekage so Temari is confident that she can take care of this problem without much help from her siblings. She has your bully definitely confessing all the cruel things he did to you, will guarantee that your family will break off the marriage and and apologize to you. She’ll lecture your bully for his wrongdoing and your family for theirs and she’ll scare the shit out of all of them because she’s infuriated and for that quite intimidating. Obviously she’s especially spiteful against your bully since you shouldn’t marry such a jerk. You should marry her.

Gaara

🐼Despite his villainous past and somewhat cold appearance, Gaara is down bad for his darling. He’s infatuated, terribly besotted but still shamefully aware of it. It doesn’t stop the young Kazekage from his feverish longing and if he wouldn’t be so terribly shy, he’d surely be a lot more straightforward and maybe even scary. Instead he’s bashful and can’t stop his pounding heart when you grace him with a smile or gentle touch of yours. He just knows that he’d do anything to keep his darling safe and he wouldn’t even ponder to fall back into some bloody habits of his younger self. He knows he’s busy due to being the Kazekage but has to always have a few hours with you for the sake of his sanity.

🐼It’s late evening where he’s still sitting in his office and is busily going through some documents when a gentle knock is heard and he calls whoever is standing outside to come in. He looks up shortly to see whose coming inside and nearly drops the papers when he sees you. He stands up, asks you a bit flustered what you’re doing here. Don’t misunderstand, he’s happy but- He shuts up when he sees the emptiness in your eyes, fear suddenly twinging his heart. Something is wrong, right? The documents are forgotten as he steps to where you stand, his eyes hurrying with growing unease over you as he asks you what happened. A heavy sigh leaves your lips as you stare into his eyes. And then you talk, fueling the growing paranoia inside Gaara.

🐼He steps back after having listened to your whole story and you can’t decipher if the look on his face is one of anger or one fear. It’s possible that it’s both. When his greenish eyes meet yours though, a paranoid expression flashes his face before he embraces you in a slightly awkward hug. It’s not only to calm you hopefully down. You notice the slight shaking, realize this is for him to regain some semblance again by giving you such a tight hug too. So you return his hug, rub his back comfortingly to stop his distress. Why didn’t you tell him sooner? Gaara insists for you to stay elsewhere. It doesn’t have to be with him, staying with Temari would already be enough but he absolutely refuses to let you go back to where those people could find you.

🐼He informs Temari that she should stay with you, begs you to not leave without her or Kankuro out of fear that you might bump into a bad acquaintance of yours. He swears to you that he’ll help you though and considering his position, this is as easy said as done. He breaks off everything regarding the arranged marriage, gives you your freedom back. He doesn’t care what your family thinks of this, he’s uncharacteristically cold and distant to them as he holds a grudge for their intolerant behavior towards their own daughter. Your bully has it even worse if Gaara should ever come face to face with him. There’s a dangerous glint in his eyes as he stares at him, hopefully he shouldn’t harm your bully physically though. Gaara grows more clingy and paranoid after this, more possessive over you.

Naruto Uzumaki

🍜Naruto is the sort of Yandere that really pushes the lines between a romantic and platonic relationship. He’s so affectionate with his darling that it has happened more than you could count on two fingers that people have mistaken you two for an actual couple. You have to correct them, to Naruto’s huge disappointment, but he is delusional so that gives him some sort of security. You two will be lovers at one point, it’s easy to fool himself that every small gesture of yours is a sign that you secretly love him too. The poor boy would love to spend every second with you but is the new Hokage of the Leaf village and for that has to spend a lot of time working.

🍜He always promises you with a lovesick look in your eyes that he’ll make time for you though. He couldn’t bear distance between the two of you. Despite him being an awful airhead at times, Naruto is pretty empathetic. He prides himself with the fact that he can sense your sadness at time, further proof for his delusions that you two are meant to be. During one of the nights where you two are on what he sees as a date he notices that something is clearly on your mind. It seems to burden you so he asks you worried what has happened since you look so down. You look him into his blue eyes and his heart clenches when he sees the suffering look in your eyes. You look around you before you grab him and drag him somewhere more privately so you can talk to him. You start speaking and at one point Naruto is tearing up.

🍜His heart is crushed by your confession of your terrible private life. He’s devastated by what you had to go through and the first thing he does is smothering you in a big hug and chaste kisses over your face. He doesn’t care that you two don’t have that sort of relationship yet as he is distraught by what you told him. Naruto will help you with all his power though. Not only because you are meant to marry him but also because he’d never let you marry the one who bullies you for your inability to hear as good as a normal person. There’s bitter resentment against your own family too. Naruto never had a family to grow up with but knows that his parents loved him dearly. Then there is your family who only cares about reputation and money. He just can’t understand and that fact makes him more apathetic.

🍜Considering that he is the Hokage, Naruto has so many options. It’s relatively easy for him to stop the marriage between you and your bully and he’ll definitely deliver him a punishment for the acts he committed against you and will also have a discussion with your family. He’s emotional though, unable to calm his feelings. He raises his voice against them as the anger and utter confusion to why they’d force you into a marriage and not even listen to you gets the better of him. If they prove to not care as greatly about you as Naruto thinks they should, he gives them a shocked stare before rage starts bubbling up in his chest. If they don’t care about you, he won’t let them near you for a longer period of time either. You deserve all the love, all his love.

Sasuke Uchiha

💙The relationship between Sasuke and you is not something either one of you saw coming. The man is basically a stray who doesn’t stay anywhere for too long yet your home has tied him temporarily down. Sasuke is fully aware of the extent of his obsession but is far too possessive to feel guilty for too long. He has embraced the full brute of his feelings and plans to take you with him at one point. He’s not the most vocal but expresses his affection through smaller actions. The protective step he instantly takes when he senses that something makes you uncomfortable or the light brush of his hand through your hair, onyx eyes looking at you with a softer glint.

💙Not all is that sweet though, the possessive and intimidating stare he gives anyone who tries to flirt with you is only one example. He could be quite insensitive to your feelings but Sasuke has matured throughout the war. He’s a perceptive observer and notices the change in your overall behavior. You’re more lackluster, the sparkle in your eyes is gone and you’ve grown more reserved and silent. He wants to ask you what’s wrong but doesn’t know how to do so. It isn’t until he overhears one day the fact that you’ll marry that he storms to you with an agitated expression and corners you. His grip on your wrists hurts you as he asks you in a low tone to tell him the truth. He can connect the obvious spots. What happened? You hesitate shortly before you finally open up.

💙His anger flares up as does his Sharingan, you have to physically hold him back as he considers in the heat of his wrath to storm to your bully and get it over with. He stops when he feels your arms wrapping around his torso to stop him from going on a small and murderous rampage and after a while you feel his one arm awkwardly hugging you closer to him too. Sasuke insists that you never leave without him after, promises you that he’ll help you out of this loveless engagement. He could never let anyone else marry you and claim you. You’ve always been his from the moment he gained feelings for you. He doesn’t play any complicated mind games either. The man just goes straight to the intimidation part.

💙He threatens your bully to stay the fuck away from you and he will hurt him more seriously too since that bastard hurt you before. There’s a cold look in his red eyes as he glances down at the guy’s bloody form as the man is begging for mercy. Your parents are slightly better off but Sasuke threatens them too and he means it when he says that he never wants to see them near you again or else he will harm them too. You don’t get much saying as Sasuke decides by himself that you’re never going to meet those people again. He tells you in a softer tone that you shouldn’t stay with such toxic people, that you instead should come with him. He loves you after all, is the one who listened to you and helped you. Be aware that Sasuke wil drag you with him one way or another. He’s triggered by the fact that you were nearly married off.

Sakura Haruno

🌸Sakura has something in common with Naruto. Both really make it hard for others to distinguish between their platonic and romantic feelings when it comes to their darling. Sakura is pretty much already acting like your affectionate girlfriend. She spends so much time with you, is always there to tend to daily injuries you might suffer and is also involved with your hearing problems specifically because she is a doctor. The pink-haired girl belongs to the delusional category too. Whilst she knows that you two aren’t together yet, she is pretty confident that both of you will wind up being together at one point.

🌸 Since she spends a lot of time with you and is on top of that a medic I imagine that she detects signs of emotional distress and stress, not to mention that she is especially obsessive around her darling. She’s gone quiet and silent which worries Sakura since she knows that her darling is normally more lively. Initially she’s respectful, tells you that you can talk with her but if you keep it to yourself for too long Sakura can turn into a pushover. For your well-being of course. To her relief you decide to open up to her and appear one late evening at her house. She lets you in and starts acting out of habit slightly more like a doctor to her patient. That doesn’t throw you off though as you admit what has burdened you for a longer time now. Sakura attempts to keep a calm expression on her face but when she accidentally breaks the edge of the table because she was clenching her fist too hard, it becomes obvious that she’s not fine.

🌸 She's so sad that your own family wouldn't even believe you and instead just care for their own well-being and reputation since family should stick together. She is arranging for you to stay with her since she knows that you don't want to return to your family and she feels uneasy to let you leave right now too. It isn't the first time you've slept with her, a few days more until there has been a change to your advantage doesn't bother her. Sakura makes quick work too to help you out of this loveless marriage. Whoever is currently Hokage will have a visit from her where she explains your problem and asks for help. She has a good relationship with the Fifth, the Sixth and the Seventh so it's relatively easy work for her.

🌸 Not to mention that she is known and loved by the village. She'll also deal with your family and even if she attempts to stay more rational, she can't help but show her dissapointment in them. They shouldn't just marry off their own child! How could they do something like that? Your bully gets the worst of it though because whilst Sakura still harbors some respect in front of the elder and your family, she knows exactly how much that guy has harrassed you. She has monstrous strength too, will defnitely crush something made out of solid material to bring her point across. If that guy talks back and dares to insult you, he'll end up in the hospital or she'll mix something together and poison him a bit.

Ino Yamanaka

🌻 Ino has so much confidence in the fact that she'll be able to steal her darling's heart which also makes her a rather delusional person. She acts on purpose like your girlfriend because she enjoys being affectionate with you and spending so much time with you. Additionally she loves it when people end up confusing you two for an actual couple because it enhances her belief that you two just look good together. It's also a rather effective way to keep possible love rivals away since the girl gets somewhat easily jealous. Just because Ino acts all sappy and confident doesn't mean that your emotions and behavior just fly over her head.

🌻 It's the opposite since the girl is very focused on her darling and very obsessive. Your personality is what she loves about you the most after all so obviously she realizes it when you start acting strange. Differently from Sakura she's quicker to become a pushover though, maybe because she's a tad bit more controlling. If you don't answer her, she'll most likely chat with the people to gather information. To her luck you trust her enough to give in after her first plead. She drags you somewhere where only the two of you are so that you can feel more comfortable and then she listens whilst holding your hands in hers. By the end of your story her grip on you has tightened and you can feel how she's shaking, gritting her teeth angrily together as anger is heating up her veins.

🌻 How dare they to do this to you? Not only does your family plan to have you marry someone who isn't her but they also have the audacity to marry you off to the guy who made your life a small hell back in your childhood. Don't even get her started on your bully or she'll never calm down. Ino grows more paranoid after she has listened to your story, pleads you to just stay in the compound of her clan and she ends up dragging you forcefully there. She doesn't want you to leave the place without her by your side and will definitely guilt-trip you to guarantee that you do as she says. She's surely more controlling and monitors your life more.

She doesn't see the wrong in it though since she is merely concerned about your happiness and health. Since she is part of the Yamanaka clan she has a good influence but the thing is that Ino holds grudges. She's spiteful against the people who have wronged you and if you consider her kekkai genkai this is especially terrifying since she can control the mind of people. Your bully gets the worst of it and probably no one will realize since she will use her ability so subtly that he doesn't even realize that he's being controlled, she'll shame and humiliate him that by the end no one believes him anymore. She'll expose all of his secrets and makes him to the clown of the town. To your family she acts very cold and indirectly rude too since they nearly sold you out to such a jerk. She'll guarantee that they won't get to see you anytime soon.

Kurosaki Ichigo

🧡 Ichigo has always been a bit obsessed with his darling but is so awkward around her that he's too embarrassed to approach her at first. He might also be more aware at moments and feels shameful and guilty. With him meeting Rukia and getting thrown into the world of the Shinigami and Hollow though, he has too much other things on his mind than considering his unhealthy crush on you. The boy grows more protective as he instead becomes more aware how much danger really surrounds you and through all of his experience he gains enough courage to walk to you and actually befriend you. Orihime, Rukia and Chad epecially encourage him since they know that Ichigo has feelings for you.

🧡 He's occasionally concerned because he fears he might not be enough for you but always makes sure to do his best to be there for you and make you happy. He's known you long enough to sense the very obvious switch in behavior and since this triggers his protective side he is quickly by your side to ask you if something is wrong. You ask him if you can come to his house later on and he agrees. You two just sit on his bed and then you tell him everything that has been going on in your life. You see his jaw clenching and his whole body tensing up and when you get to the part with what your bully did to you and how your family just doesn't care, he nearly jumps up from his position and paces around in his room as he tries to cool down.

🧡 This is ridiculous! Arranged marriage still exists in this day and age? Why would your parents force one upon you?! His mind is racing and his heart is overflowing with different emotions. He's baffled, angry, sad and heartbroken all togther. At the end he just slumps back on the spot on the bed next to you, his face buried in his hands as he lets out a deep sigh. He sits there for a while with you in silence before he stands up and tells you that he'll prepare the guest room for you since you've made it very obvious that you'd rather stay with him than go back and risk seeing your family again.

🧡 He doesn't fall asleep that night, too burdened with what you've told him. He has to do something to help you! He could ask his friends but when it comes to you Ichigo always feels like he has to be your protector, they're going to find out and assist him at one point anyways. Ichigo used to be a little delinquent in his past so chances are that he returns to that side of his and just intimidates your bully a bit to convince him to stay away from you. If push comes to pull he will even use his position as substitute Shinigami to his advantage since humans can't see him in this form to scare your bully and maybe even your family a bit. Sure, he will feel a bit guilty to use the powers entrusted to him like this but every time he sees your sad face, he can't stop.

Hitsugaya Toshiro

❄️ Toshiro is initially a bit more distant and cold around his darling which is mainly because he catches on quite early on his growing obsession and is inwardly freaked out about the escalation of love. He can't help but be slightly more rude and cold to you in an attempt to push you away from him. At one point he just sort of accepts it all begrudgingly though because he just realizes that the only one he's pushing towards insanity is himself. He looks out a bit more for you and will make sure to see you at least once everyday if there is nothing really important going on. He might be the captain of a squad but he makes enough time for you to know that you're someone important to him.

❄️ He actually decides to keep quiet when he senses that something is wrong with you. He has problems himself he often likes to keep to himself and try to solve them himself so he decides to give you a bit time like this too. Instead you pop up one day in the squad where Rangiku leads you to him since you're searching for him. He can guess why you're here and tells Rangiku to leave you two alone. Luckily the woman senses that this is something serious so she leaves quickly. Then Toshiro just waits for you to start talking and you can see how the look on his face progressively gets darker and angrier when you tell him all of your problems. After you're finished, he squeezes his eyes shut and takes a few deep breaths to regain his composure.

❄️ So this is what has been going on? He's glad that you came to him with this. His controlling side gets the better of him as he tells you in an almost ordering tone that he'll arrange you to stay somewhere around him. He senses that you would take everything over going back to your family who is only concerned about a marriage you don't want to be part of. Hitsugaya has a lot of influence and even more connections too since he's th captain of the 10th Division. Aren't you lucky to know someone like him? He kind of puts some of his work back as he deems your problem as the one of more importance and when Rangiku finds out what's going on, she can't help but ask if he's behaving more brooding because he wants to be the one to marry you.

❄️ A single question that earns her one of the scariest glares Toshiro has ever given someone and after that she knows to shut up. He tries to get other captains he's on friendly terms with as little involved as possible though since he believes that he should solve this alone. Additionally he fears that someone would find out his hidden motives too since Rangiku is right. He's also so furious about the whole ordeal because he wants to be your husband. Your bully is definitely going to refuse marriage with you after Hitsugaya paid him a visit and threatened him indirectly and before your family can even blame you, they shut up after they've been visited by him too. He has made it obvious via his visits that you're under his protection and that messing with you will mean messing with him.

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laniemae · 1 month

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WAIT DONT TELL ME INNO AMANE WOULDVE KILLED HARUKA AS HE TOLD EHAT HE WAS DOING TO KOTOKO WHO OBV WOULDNT CARE AND ALSO FUUTA BUT BECAUSE OF HIS BELEIFS NOW ME MIGHT NOT TRY TO STOP HIM

KAZUI PLS HELP HIM

BUT IT SEEMS HES SELECTING A FEW PROPLE TO TELL? EHY WOULD HE TELL FUUTA ANYWAY EHY THESE TWO SO FAR

I ACTUALLY THINK HARUKAS GONNA DIE FROM EVERYTHING WEVE SEEN AND HOW YAMANAKA HELD UP THE HARUKA STAND WEIRDLY AT THE END AISGAHAHJAHAHA

#milgram #haruka sakurai #dont iverthinktbisdobtoverthinkstufftbinksjdn #Super hell #h da h da b da d boo e JBC WHYSUPERHEKL

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team7-headquarter · 7 months

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My thought process:

Ino Yamanaka

Pros: Defined Sakura's life the way Iruka and Itachi did with Naruto and Sasuke; first person to be by her side in the manga; always taking care of her and encouraging her; petty sibling relationship.

Cons: They are the same age; more of a rival / best friend relationship to some people.

Shizune Kato

Pros: Sibling coded given the fact they are both apprentices of Tsunade; cares for Sakura as an older sibling would; good relationship; Shizune is older than Sakura; helps her with medic nin chores; work together.

Cons: It's not as close to Sakura as the other two options / doesn't know Sakura that well.

Kakashi Hatake

Pros: he spend the entire manga making sure that Sakura wouldn't die; knows Sakura to the point he can predict what she's planning to do / knows her more than the other options; older than Sakura; has a massive soft spot for her.

Cons: more of a sensei-student relationship for some people; could be motivated by his trauma with Rin.

#naruto #sakura haruno #ino Yamanaka #Kakashi Hatake #shizune kato #naruto poll

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13as07 · 3 months

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Spitting Image #2

(Ino Yamanaka)

[Artwork is not mine! Credit to shiino_9]

Requested by: Myself

Word Count: 3,738

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Okay I want your thoughts. I’m thinking part three is all Gaara being zaddy and trying to reconnect with his baby mama. Then part four is moving to the Sand Village. Yay? Nay? Idk :)

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"Just breathe, it's all going to be okay," Ino whispers in my ear, gently squeezing my shoulders as she leads me down the road.

I repeat her words in my head, eyes set on Yoshiki who's curled up in my arms. His chubby hands are raised, trying to get a grip on one of the strands of my hair. He giggles to himself, the ends of my hair tickling his chubby cheeks. Lord, he's so chubby and round and adorable.

"You are adorable, my love," I coo, peppering his cheeks in kisses.

"You're hogging him," Inojin complains, his hands wrapping around my arm to tug on it.

"Inojin," Sai says, his tone calm as he smiles softly at his son. "Maybe let Ne-San carry Yoshiki for a while."

"She has been carrying Yoshiki though. I want to hold him!"

"Inojin!" Ino snaps, gripping her son's ear as she lectures him.

"Ino," I call, shifting Yoshiki to my hip before I tap her shoulder. "It's okay, if he wants to hold him it’s fine. It'll probably be good, give me a chance to wiggle my nerves out of my system." I bend down, handing my son over to Inojin. He's quite responsible for his age, and always careful while holding Yoshiki.

My son's eyes light up when he realizes who's holding him. I swear, he's just as attached to Inojin as Inojin is to him. Yoshiki takes hold of his hair, gripping it and using it to move the older boy's head around. Ino's son gushes over my baby, cooing at him as he takes slow careful steps down the road.

The sight is nice, even if we are heading to my doom. It's been about a week since I ran into Shikamaru's brother-in-law. Gaara's older brother. Yoshiki's Uncle.

After Ino managed to talk me out of the bathroom, she showed me pictures of Temari's and Shikamaru's wedding; more specifically pictures of Gaara, who turns out was the man from the one-night stand. It took about a week, but Sai and her managed to talk me into letting Gaara meet Yoshiki and me. Meet me again, in a sober mindset, with the lights on, and my legs closed this time.

"You look pale, Ne-San. Are you nervous Gaara is going to want rights to Yoshiki?" Sai asks, getting a smack upside his head from his wife.

"What the hell, Sai? You can't say stuff like that!" Ino hisses, gripping his ear like she was doing to her son a minute ago. My eyes stay trailed on the boys as Ino rips into her husband, the noise of their fighting filling the background.

My mind spins with a million different possibilities and 'what if's about this meeting, about things going forward, about how Gaara is going to react.

"Okay, I want Yoshiki back," I mutter when the restaurant we're meeting at falls into view.

"Ne-San!" He whines, clinging to my son more.

"Please don't fight with me about this Inojin. I'll let you feed him at lunch," I try to bribe him, sliding my hands between his arms to wrap Yoshiki in my hold.

"Really?! You mean it?"

"I mean it," I echo, resting my son on my hip. Inojin tucks himself into my side, the one my kid is resting on as he continues to coo at him. My grip tightens as Yoshiki tries to throw himself at Inojin, calming my nervousness a bit again. The sight clams me a bit. It's adorable how much the boys love each other.

"Shoo, go run ahead and say hi to Shinki or something," Ino complains, trying to wave her son ahead. Reluctantly he does as he's told, racing ahead and disappearing into the restaurant. "Alright Mamas, how are we feeling?" She asks me, gripping my shoulder again.

"She's probably not doing too well. We're about two steps away from her life changing forever, hopefully for the better," Sai mumbles, doing his weird 'I'm trying to be comforting but I actually look creepy as hell' smile.

"Sai!" Ino screeches again, ramping up her lecture.

After a couple of minutes filled with their heated back and forth, I decided waiting in the restaurant would be better than listening to the Yamanaka screaming match. The restaurant atmosphere is quite calming, with dark soft reds, and gentle music playing in the background.

Yoshiki's head swerves around, taking in all the soft lights and the colorful coverings of the lights. "You like the colors?" I ask him, shifting him up further so I can whisper in his ear. Giggles erupt from him, his small hands squishing my cheeks as he enjoys the lights.

"Oh, you like that one, don't you?" I ask another unanswered question, walking towards the soft red-colored covering that has caught his eyes. I settle us underneath it. Watching Yosh watching the coloring. "Do you know what color that is? It's red, just like your hair," I tell him, twirling one of his strands around my fingertip. "Your hair is red, chief Akimich has red hair, and... and..."

"And his dad's hair is red," a voice from behind me butts in. My nerves are on edge as I turn around. My grip tightens on my son as the man from the flower shop - Yoshiki's Uncle stands a couple of paces behind me. "Gaara has red hair," he reiterates as if it's something I don't know.

"Ya, I know. It's why I was attracted to him," I mutter, scanning the entrance for Ino and then the restaurant for Inojin.

Ino might not fall into my view but her son does. He's sat at one of the large tables in the restaurant, a group of about six people or so with him, making my heart flutter faster with anxiety. My eyes stay locked on the boy, hoping he'll notice me and bring some familiarity to this uncomfortable moment.

"You got a thing for redheads, little lady?"

"Don't call me that," I mutter, anger bubbled in my words. My nerves are rubbing off on Yoshiki who's starting to stir, his pre-cry whines falling from him.

"Oh hush, love," I coddle him, covering his forehead in kisses. "You don't need to go and get upset just because mommy is. You're fine," I continue to coo, moving him around like a bird as I walk us around the restaurant, leaving his Uncle and some of my anxiety behind.

Yosh giggles because of it, 'flying' like a bird being pretty high up in his list of favorite things. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," I hum to him, continuing our laps around the room as I wait for Ino to join us. "You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear how much I love you," I continue to sing to him, resting him against me again. "Please don't take my sunshine away," I finish off, littering his chubby cheeks in kisses.

"Ne-San!" Inojin calls, leaning over the table he's at as he waves at me. "Come here! It's almost six o'clock, Yoshiki needs his bottle."

I sigh softly at the boy's knowledge of my son's schedule. It's useful when I'm busy, but not useful at this moment. "You might not know how much I love you but you sure as heck will know how much big brother Inojin loves you," I tell my son, holding him in front of me so he can dangle. He doesn't do his newborn scrunch anymore, which makes me a bit sad.

"What do you say we go over to Inojin? You want to see Inojin?" I ask him, getting happy babbles as a response.

I cuddle him against me again, my heart slamming against my chest as I head towards the table. Yoshiki's Uncle has rejoined the table, his wife - presumably - is sitting next to him, in similar purple makeup as her husband. Shikamaru and Shikadai are sitting next to them, looking more like twins the longer I look at them. There's a blonde lady next to them, Yoshiki's opal-colored eyes staring at me from the lady's face. That must be Temari.

The spitting image of my son is sitting next to the blonde girl, repeatedly blinking as he stares at me and my son, our son. A boy about Inojin's and Shikadai's age sitting silently next to him.

Yoshiki is unfazed, his attention on trying to grip my hair again. Soon his hands fall from my hair to my mouth, trying to shove his hands into it. This is his new thing, like two days ago new thing. "Yosh," I coo, moving his hands away from my mouth. "We don't do that. No, we don't," I tell him, pressing kisses to his small hands.

"You're hogging him! Ne-San! You promised I could feed him. Give me, give me, give me," Inojin whines, turning around in his seat and trying to take grip of my son.

"Ya, ya, ya," I mumble, carefully placing Yoshiki into his arms. My eyes stay locked on my son, worried about this Gaara guy or anyone else at the table jumping at him while I dig for his bottle.

"There you are, mamas!" Ino calls, jumping on me as she wraps her arms around my shoulders. "And look at that, Yosh is already back in Inojin's arms. I swear at this rate Ino is going to have a permanent imprint of Yoshiki on his arms," she teases, sending me a soft smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. Ino's eyes are soft, a silent 'are you okay?' being sent by them.

"Yoshiki? As in fortunate?" Gaara asks, his face scrunched up as he looks between me and my - our son.

"No, Yoshiki as in blessed. Like a blessing, since he's my blessing," I mutter the last half, tugging his bottle out of the diaper bag. Despite the fears and anxieties I've felt today, I managed to hold it together enough to prep for dinner. Pre-measured formula in his bottle so all I need is warm water.

"Aw, that's cute!" Temari beams, sending a not-so-secret glare towards her brothers.

"Oh, ya. Adorable," Purple-man echoes, getting kicked by his wife under the table.

"Yes and no. It was my father's name," I mutter, setting Yosh's bottle on the table as I scan for a waitress.

"Don't worry Ne-San! I already ordered some warm water for you, it should be out soon," Ino's son says, focusing still on making faces to entertain Yosh.

"Thank you, Inojin," I praise, resting my hands on his shoulders before pecking his forehead. I lean down a bit further, kissing my son's head too before I slide into the seat next to the boys.

Ino quickly sits down on the other side of the boys. Sai goes to sit next to me in the only spare chair, getting a pointed look from his wife.

"How about we play musical chairs!" Temari cheers, locking eyes with Ino. Shikadai sends his mom a weird look, his father mimicking it as they stare at her together. "You stay right there... um... ma'am? You boys stay there too," Temari struggles out, ordering Inojin to stay still.

"Temari - " The oldest brother starts, quickly getting cut off by his sister.

"Get up Kankuro," she hisses, quickly standing to her feet, husband and son in tow.

Everyone shuffles around, raising my anxiety even more. When everyone settles back down, seats have been changed completely. Inojin is still holding Yoshiki, then me, followed by Gaara, the kid who sat next to him earlier, Shikadai, his parents, the Kankuro man and his wife, with Ino, and Sai sat by their son to start the circle again.

"So..." Shikamaru mumbles, breaking the silence and getting a warning glare from his wife. It's almost funny how much Temari and Ino seem to be. "Gaara and you have two kids, that's cool."

"Two?" I ask, snapping my head towards the Nara chief.

"Shikamaru!" Temari and Ino both yell, startling Yoshiki enough for wails and tears to spill from him. "Shut up," Temari hissed at her husband, pairing it with a smack to the back of his head. Well, that solved the mystery on the silent kid with red face paint. I assumed it was Kankuro's kid, I guess not.

"We're going to step out for a moment," I murmur, snatching Yoshiki from Inojin's arms. "Do you mind making his bottle?" I ask the older boy, patting his head before quickly heading back out of the restaurant, crying baby in tow. By the time I get out the door, into the chilled air, tears are spilling from me too, mine being from stress instead of fear.

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The door to the restaurant creaks open, upsetting Yoshiki more. The more upset he gets, the more upset I get, continuing the cycle of unchecked emotions. "Please calm down, love," I coo, rocking him in my arms again.

"Would you like some help?" Ino asks, her tone gentle as an attempt to help calm me down.

"No, I have it under control," I hiss out, causing Yosh to shriek again.

"You've been out here for twenty minutes. That isn't 'having it under control'," Ino points out, shifting to stand in front of me.

I have to turn my head up to look at her, courtesy of being sat on the ground, back to the wall. "Okay, maybe I don't have it under control. I'm freaking out. Gaara has a kid. A different kid! And our dinner went from the six of us to a party of twelve of us. What... what the hell? What the hell, Ino? I'm actually meeting Gaara, like for real, and his brother, and his sister-in-law, and his sister, and her family, and I can't calm down long enough to get Yoshiki to calm down, and what the hell?"

"I know, I know. It's a lot to handle right now. There's a lot of people and it's a lot of new and a lot of stress, but this will be good, right?" She asks, falling to kneel on the ground in front of me. "Yoshiki will get to have a relationship with his dad, with his older brother, with his family. He'll get more family to love him, you'll get more family to love you."

I lean forward, resting my head on Ino's shoulder. "I don't know. What if it doesn't work out? What if Gaara wants to take Yoshiki? What if he wants nothing to do with Yosh? Then what? 'Sorry kid, your dad was too established in the sand village to give a shit about us, but hey your mom tried her best'? What kind of life is that for my son?"

Ino lets out a sigh, rubbing my shoulders to soothe me. "I don't think that's going to happen, and even if it does then fuck Gaara. If worst comes to worst, you two will still have us. You'll still have Sai, and Inojin, and me. We can be our own little family of five."

I let out a sigh of my own, my stress still high and only climbing higher the more Yoshiki cries. "Alright mamas, you need to calm down. The more you freak out, the more he's going to freak out."

"I know, I know. It doesn't help that he's hungry either," I mutter into her shoulder, my angry tears soaking into her shirt. "I just... I can't go back in yet."

"Okay, okay. I have an idea - that you can totally say no to. Remember, you're the mamas, your baby, your rules," Ino starts, rubbing my shoulders faster as she rests her cheek against my head. "I'll take Yoshiki inside and get him calmed down and fed. You can hang out here and get yourself put together before you join the table again, okay? Worse case you decide this isn't the right time or space to do this and we replan, okay mamas?"

"Ya... ya that's... probably for the better," I mutter, reluctantly letting her take Yoshiki from my arms. I don't like the thought of him being around Gaara without me, but I know if I don't take some space to calm down, I'm just going to keep winding Yosh up. Besides, my poor love is probably starving since his feeding time was about twenty-five minutes ago.

Ino takes him from me, pressing a kiss to my head before she leaves me alone outside the restaurant, giving me the time I need to calm myself down.

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I brush my hands over my pants, dusting off the dust from the sidewalk. As I'm cleaning myself, the restaurant door creaks open. "I'm sorry," I mutter, shifting out of the way.

"You are not in the way... -San," the young voice struggles with the last word, not sure what to call me.

My eyes settle on the boy, the same one that I left sitting next to Gaara at the table. His eyes are a green color, not the same as his father’s or Yoshiki’s, a darker green. It reminds me of the forest. His face paint is red unlike his Uncle, and cups his eyes in a way that makes them stand out. It's weird how much my - our - son looks like Gaara and how little his older son looks like him.

"Your kid screams a lot," the boy mutters, shifting around. His black cloak moves with him weirdly, like it's not made of cloth. "He's okay now though. Inojin is feeding him and that seemed to quiet him down."

"Yoshiki is a little stressed and he's too young to be able to understand what he's feeling."

"He can't even talk, what could he be stressed about?"

"He's stressed because I'm stressed."

The kid looks at me for a moment, head tilted and face scrunched as he sizes me up. "He looks a lot like my Papa."

"Yes, he does."

Silence falls between us, the boy slowly blinking as he stares at me. My eyes jump around the road, looking for something other than the child to look at. "Papa doesn't cry."

"No?" I ask, internally screaming. What have I gotten myself into? What kind of man did I accidentally choose as the father of my child? What the hell is up with his kid?

"No... he cried when Aunt Temari told him you agreed to meet him again, to let him meet..."

"Yoshiki."

"When you agreed to let us meet Yoshiki."

"I'm sorry I made your dad cry," I murmur, glancing around the empty street again.

"Uncle Kankuro calls you 'The Leaf Village Margarita Lady'."

"Ya?" I ask, shifting my weight around. The conversation is very uncomfortable and the need to check on Yoshiki is building with every passing second. I see my out when the restaurant door creams open again.

"Shinki?" The soothing voice that whispered sweet nothings into my ear sixteen months ago calls, making the kid's head turn. Shinki and Yoshiki, it has a nice ring to it. So much for my out though. "Hello," Gaara says, tone a bit panicked when his eyes settle on me.

His panic only grows as his eyes flicker between his son and myself. "My greatest apologies for anything Shinki might have said," Gaara rushes out, leaning forward and grabbing his son by the collar of his shirt tucked under the not normal cloak. "His social skills are a bit - "

"- like his father's?" I ask, cutting Gaara's sentence off.

"Yes," he mumbles, just a hint of pink dusting his cheeks. The sight makes my mind flicker to... the creation of Yoshiki. Gaara was all kinds of pink that night, it was a sight I enjoyed quite a bit. It was hot, a big shot Shinobi stumbling over his words and blushing because I was flirting with him, because I was doing a hell of a lot more than flirting. "I hope he didn't say anything insensitive."

"No, your kid has a good set of manners. Though, he did tell me your older brother calls me the margarita lady."

Gaara's flusteredness deeps, the color of his cheeks proving that and tugging a small smile to my face. "I am sorry for Kankuro too. I know your first meeting with him wasn't... up to par. I am sorry for the nickname as well."

"It's fine," I mutter, my eyes switching between Shinki and Gaara. Whoever his child's mother is must have some pretty strong genes to outweigh Gaara's. Stronger than mine, that's for sure.

"Mamas!" Ino's voice rings out, the door slamming open as she pushes her way out. "Gosh at this rate we're all going to be out here."

Ino and I both nervously laugh, only making Gaara pinker and his son even more unamused. "Might as well tell everyone we're eating out here now," I murmur, focus set on my friend. Her attention is set on me, eyes asking if I'm okay again. The answer is a big fat no but I don't voice it. "I should go check on Yoshiki," I announce, skirting past Gaara and squeezing through the door.

I can sense Ino behind me even before she wraps her arms around my shoulders for the millionth time tonight. "Dear Lord, Mamas. Gaara looked like he wanted to eat you whole."

"He did not!"

"He did too," she giggles, using her hold on me to shake me around. "Look at you, having the Sand Hokage all flustered and blushing. Not to mention your kid is the spitting image of him. Not to put it out in the world and ruin it or anything, but I think Gaara is going to take care of you two."

I know she means it in good light, but the thought terrifies me. All the 'what if's circling my head, the main one being 'what if Yoshiki and me end up trapped'? I don't know anything about this man, about his family, about his expectations, about his wants for himself, for Yoshiki, for me. He was supposed to be a one-night stand, a high and fly, not the father of my son.

"Stop worrying, mamas. Everything will be alright," Ino whispers in my ear, gently squeezing my shoulders. When the sight of Yoshiki giggling in joy because his uncle is blowing raspberries into his cheeks falls into view, a small piece of me wants to believe her.

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