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roseworth · 10 days

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You are both an Arrowfamily and Jason Todd fan account so I thought you would be the best person to ask this but: What do you think the Arrowfamily members opinion on Jason are?

ooooh i love this question.. i think a lot of people jump straight to "they would hate him" because of his fight with mia but!!! i don't think thats entirely true!!!!! some of them would hate him but not all of them </3 i feel like the people that claim they would all hate him have a fundamental misunderstanding of the arrows and what they stand for, not to mention deliberately misconstruing what the the jason & mia fight actually was and pretending it was a lot worse than what actually happened. but thats just my opinion

ollie absolutely would hate him though lmao. he would never get over the fact that jason kidnapped, fought, & tried to blow up his daughter. no forgiveness ever. if jason HADNT fought mia though i think ollie would like him or at the very least tolerate him. ollie very clearly has no issue with murdering bad guys (as seen in ga88) and would be completely on board with anyone who goes out of his way to fuck with batman constantly <3 also in my humble opinion ollie shouldve been a cosmic mistake in countdown due to him coming back to life because parallax put him back together, which would have been hilarious and would absolutely have ended in them getting along (until jason goes through like his fifth breakdown in that book, because he would absolutely lash out at ollie after watching that one version of bruce die. but thats a whole separate tangent)

dinah also would hate him for trying to kill mia, but probably not as intensely as ollie. but even without that issue i dont think dinah would like him, mostly because hes the worst and i dont think dinah would have the patience to put up with him. she wouldnt have a huge problem with the killing (she wouldnt NOT have a problem with it but i really dont think it would be an unforgivable issue for her), but she would just think hes kind of an asshole about it and she wouldnt like him at all. i also think theres a panel somewhere where jason says that dinah told him she hates him personally?? idk ive only seen screenshots of it but i think its funny so im incorporating it into my belief system

with roy... i feel like there are so many people that see rhato and swing to the opposite side of the pendulum and say that roy would hate jason but i dont think thats true at all. im a rhato hater because that is Not Roy so we're disregarding that, but i still think they would get along tbh! given that roy is deeply in love with a serial killer i think that the people who say he would hate jason are misunderstanding who roy is. i think when theyre both in character they actually have personalities that would mesh well together and they COULD get along really well. i dont see roy having a Big Problem with jason killing people (he would try to stop him from doing it but murder wouldnt be a dealbreaker for roy) so i think its fair to say they would actually get along!!! but i bitch and complain every time they show up in the same panel because now the damage has been done from rhato so i dont want them to interact in canon. only in the secret world in my head. in regards to jason fighting mia, i dont know how to say it but,,, i dont think roy would have a huge issue with it. he certainly wouldnt be happy about it but also he wasnt there so i feel like all he would know about it was that jason kidnapped mia one time but mia was fine. honestly i think that he would be more interested in brothers in blood bc dick would def mention that jason murdered people in a nightwing costume then turned into a tentacle monster and tried to eat someone but dick forgave him anyway. and once he hears that suddenly the mia thing seems inconsequential in comparison

with connor... i cant lie im a little biased because connor is a member of my dream outlaws team but i really think they would at least kind of get along! connor is not the type of person to hold a grudge at all so once mia forgives him (which ill get into in a sec) connor wouldnt have a problem with him. he WOULD have a problem with jason killing people but he's close with eddie so clearly he doesnt have that much of an issue with working with people who have killed before as long as they dont kill in front of him. and i think that jason has a healthy respect for anyone who can beat him in a fight and because of that he would not kill anyone when hes around connor. i also think that connor and jason would never fight because connor would never throw the first punch and jason would never start a fight that he knows he cant win (but thats once again a whole separate tangent). basically i dont think they'd be besties or anything, i dont think theres a world where they'd ever even consider themselves friends. but i do think they'd get along well enough to not hate each other

okay now finally mia. kind of a controversial take but i really think she'd forgive him for kidnapping her! she absolutely would not forgive him IMMEDIATELY because it fucked her up so she would be pissed about it for a while, but also? i think she completely understood what he was trying to do. he wasnt really hurting her specifically (like yeah he hurt her but he made it a fair fight and he wasnt beating down on her or anything. she also hit him so it evens out) and he was actually trying to talk TO her and relate to her. and it was working!!! he didnt force her to do anything except fight (in a fight where he untied her and gave her her weapons), so once she got some distance from the event i think she'd forgive him. it would take a while for her to actually forgive him enough for them to actually get along, but i genuinely think they would. theyre extremely similar people and i think they would really be good friends if given the chance, but it would take a looooong time for mia to be comfortable enough to be around him enough to consider him a friend since the fight definitely fucked her up. but it is possible for them to eventually be close, and i think they could be really good friends

honorable mentions: - i dont know emiko well enough to know for sure (i havent read new52 or rebirth green arrow so i havent read much with her </3) but from what i know i think they would get along - lian would have no opinion of him whatsoever. at most she sees him as her uncle's brother. i truly dont think she'd care enough about him to form a positive or negative opinion about him - i dont like sienna so i dont want to acknowledge her but for the sake of the post. she doesnt like jason because dinah doesnt like jason and she says "i hate everyone that black canary hates <3" - cissie is not a member of the arrowfamily but she wouldnt like him because she absolutely would have an issue with any murderous vigilante given that she almost killed someone one time and had a huge breakdown, so anyone that kills people for the Greater Good and continues to do so would not sit right with her - i have absolutely no basis for this but shado would hate him for no reason. no specific beef with him about his morals or his actions, she just wouldnt like his vibes. sorry to talk about rose (no im not) but she would see rose hanging out with jason and go "im so happy for you and your ugly fucking boyfriend im serious" - eddie and jason would get along like a housefire. there is not a doubt in my mind that they would bond instantly (ok not instantly because they both hate everyone and would probably start with trying fight each other. THEN they would bond) and it would be catastrophic for everyone involved 🫶

ok i think thats everyone. or at least everyone that matters. never forget that all my opinions are 100% correct at all times

#listen. i think the arrow fandom tends to try to fight against the arrows being put down by the bats by pushing in the complete opposite wa #so after a thousand posts of 'jason should join the arrows' or 'ollie is the worst because rhato said so' they start saying the opposite #that all the arrows hold a deep resentment for jason #but... the arrows are honestly pretty forgiving #killing isnt a dealbreaker and neither is fighting their family #ollie is not that forgiving* though so he wouldnt get over it ever. but everyone else might #*by this i mean forgiving of people that hurt his kids. he can forgive other people but hurting his kids is a cardinal sin #i think it especially bothers me when people say it about roy #i see so many posts of 'roy would actually hate jason because he tried to kill his sister!!!'#and?? honestly thats a pretty good indication to me that they dont understand roy SORRY #jason todd #arrowfam #<- SORRY i hate to be the person to put jason in the arrow tags but thats my organization tag 😔#dc

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z-socks · 4 months

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He Soars

*banging my fists, chanting: winged Clones winged Clones winged Clones Crosshair-centric, some mild body horror when discussing Echo because Techno Union. Also the Empire being assholes. Season 2 spoilers (The Outpost).

Crosshair had always hated his wings. They were large, dark, laborious things, with rough feathers that had cut him more than once until he learned to keep them away from his body. The copious, smothering down choked him in the night, suffocating him with heat and irritating fuzz down the back of his throat.

The Regs all had the same wings: something akin to the shriek hawks of their Template’s home. They were shiny, patterned in golden hues like the Clones’ eyes and shaped and sized to be useful in battle.

Clone Force 99 did not have the wings of the Regs. Hunter's were slim and cut, rounded with specialized feathers that made his approaches from the air lethally silent. Tech's were scooped and agile, designed for soaring and diving sharply while in flight. Wrecker’s were the only wings comparable to Crosshair's in size. But they were pure white with imposing flight feathers and capable of being beat with deadly force.

Crosshair's wings were useless.

A sniper with wings impossible to hide was not a very useful asset. So he learned early on how to make them work for him. He learned to stick to shadows and use them to hide, to lash out a wing and cut down a droid, to let his brothers crush his suffocating down by curling against him when the endless stretches of space got cold.

And then came Kaller and the order and the girl.

His brothers left.

The Empire deemed the Clones’ wings an annoyance. Their size was hard and expensive to accommodate for in their standardized barracks. Their down clogged the life support filters. And their feathers’ rustling impeded on the other troopers’ sleep.

A suggestion to have them removed was met with a counterpoint. Why spend the money on surgery? Just remove the Clones.

Cross watched Regs disappear from the ranks. His eyes catching the way their wings sagged, unstretched and unflown, atrophying in the grip of the new Empire. His own wings felt heavier these days, causing him to haunch over from their weight.

He was one of six Clones sent to Barton-IV to retrieve a shipment that had been held there. His squad ran into his wings on purpose, complaining under their breath about having no room on the transport and how he should be with the other beasts.

Cross shrugged it off.

It was far from the first time he’d been likened to a monster.

Clone Commander Mayday’s wings were the second worst pair Crosshair had ever seen, only beat out by Echo’s when they’d rescued him from Anaxes: nearly bald, half blown off, and bent wrong from being stuffed into a stasis chamber with no room for them. The smell of decaying feathers had emanated from the corporal. And Mayday and his brothers had the same stench.

Their feathers were molting, ragged as they clung on by sickly quills. Strips of fabric like that on their armor were looped and tied to fill in the bare spots. Even their color looked faded but Cross wasn’t sure if that had more to do with the dim light provided by the coilheater.

“What’s your name?” he asked Crosshair, the first person in too many cycles to do so. Cross hesitated. But this was a dead man walking, giving him a name that would likely die on his tongue within a tenday was harmless enough.

“Crosshair.”

The Reg nodded. “Follow me.”

They inspected their meager equipment. Mayday showed him all that was broken.

A large shadow passed overhead. The call of a monstrous bird.

“Ice vulture,” Mayday informed, eyeing Crosshair. “Vicious creatures. But you have to admire them. They find a way to survive.”

Then came the raid. Their hunt. The ice cave.

“No sense carrying dead weight.”

Mayday hummed. “'Less you need to to survive.”

Crosshair shot him a puzzled look.

“Them vultures carry dead weight all the time.” He shrugged. "Gotta eat."

The mine. The raiders. The avalanche.

“Mayday.” His voice nearly broke as he dug the commander out of the snow. He’d lost more feathers in the onslaught, fresh skin exposed and bleeding on the patches left behind.

The climb was excruciating. The wind sliced through them.

When they finally found enough of an outcropping to shelter behind, Cross folded his wings around them, for once, grateful for the excessive down. The rough feathers kept the snow and ice from building up. Their size big enough to protect them both from the blistering winds.

“I remember you, you know,” Mayday whispered against his neck. “The clone with the big black wings.” He huffed a choked off laugh. “Mean little thing. But I knew better. I’d seen you fly.”

A memory came forward, fuzzy, hazy in the whiteout snow. The training room on Kamino had been tall enough to allow them to practice aerial maneuvers. Crosshair’s monstrous wings had never fit in the crowded space with the Regs. But late at night, he’d sneak out to fly.

“The command cadet.”

He remembered now, getting caught one night by an older cadet in red. But the cadet had let him off easy, saying lightly that it was past bedtime. Cross had waited to be punished for sneaking out. But the CC cadet had merely left the training room to continue his assigned patrols.

“Bet you’d never dream this be how you found out ya belong here,” Mayday murmured, huddled in close to Crosshair, buried deep into the soft down of his wings.

Cross quietly inquired what he meant but Mayday had lost consciousness once more.

The storm stopped with the sunrise. An Ice Vulture circled overhead.

The climb was no less difficult. And Mayday’s exhaustion meant Cross was walking for them both. He used his wings, flapping them to help propel their steps.

It felt… good. Like he was made for this.

His wings had room, could stretch fully. The wind ran through his down and along his sharp flight feathers. It caught them occasionally, beckoned them to fly.

They reached the outpost. They collapsed and Crosshair begged for help.

The Lieutenant refused.

Mayday was going to die.

The shot. The chaos that followed.

But he was made for this.

He took out some of the troopers and command first, single shots. He was a sniper after all, even from the ground instead of in his nest. The Clones charged him and he switched it to stun.

Good soldiers follow orders. He had. Mayday had. They had. And they were still considered dead weight.

A stolen shuttle, Mayday hastily loaded in the back, the rest of the scattered imperials on their tail.

But he was made for this.

A sharp dive like that of scooped agile wings. A silent approach from behind like that of specialized feathers. A shot to their flank, percussive like beating pure white wings.

They fell from the sky.

He soared.

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb #tbb crosshair #bad batch crosshair #mayday #commander mayday #winged clones #not cannon compliant #canon divergence

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zukosdualdao · 2 months

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Im glad to read the takes of a fellow zuko stan :)

Honestly, it feels like people just hate on him way too much lately. The posts ive seen on twitter, on tik tok, on tumblr... Do people just not like him anymore? Why did everyone turn against him so suddenly? I've been hoping it's something temporary, just a trend, but. I don't know anymore. People mock his disability, spit on his trauma, wish death on him and interpret everything he says or does in the worst possible way. I saw someone crying about how entitled he was because he took aang's seat when watching the play just the other day lmao. Another person wrote about how mysoginistic he was because he didn't remember katara's name when asking about kya's death to sokka? There are those who even call him a colonizer on the same level as iroh lmao. It seems their justifications for all the salt they throw his way are along the lines of "he's been loved for too long, aang stans have suffered way more, people just watched the show again and realized how bad he actually was, he's catching strays since his fans keep setting him up, his fans paint him as perfect and erase every bad thing he's done" etc etc. I'm all for criticism and deeper character analysis, but this is just said in bad faith. I also think it has a bit to do with how different engagement has become in fandom spaces recently (things people support in fiction need to be morally correct) and well, zuko was the perfect target. He's done bad things, sides with the villains for a good portion of the series, redeems himself but there are things he still has to work on... I don't know, it's been getting to me. There are many other harsh things ive read said about him (like implying how every single member of the gaang hates even after redeeming himself), but i honestly don't have the energy to delve into each and every one. His arc was poorly executed and his development was badly written now, apparently. I kind of just ranted here, i apologize. Im very happy to read the posts of someone who genuinely likes him and doesnt throw him under the bus to defend or elevate other characters...

hi! i'm glad you're enjoying my blog <3 and no need to apologize for the rant, i'm always happy to talk about zuko!

about to theorize a bit as to why it seems like maybe zuko has become a more contentious character, but it should be noted i have not been exceptionally, actively involved in the fandom very long. i loved atla as a kid, have retained fond memories, have witnessed some discourse from the fringes over the years, but only recently has it overtaken my brain to the point of making a whole blog about it. lol. so, like, grain of salt, etc.

i think a big part of it is what you said - in the last few years of fandom in particular, it feels like there has been a huge upswing in purity culture, moralizing liking/not liking certain ships or characters, and an overall increase in very black-and-white thinking. there's also an emphasis on "holding people accountable" (good in theory), often without specifying what, exactly, that looks like (less good). the idea then becomes that if you've done harmful things, there's no way you can ever make up for them and should just, like, hate yourself for all eternity and also die, probably, which is not actually helpful to anyone.

so, i think for those who ascribe to that mindset, zuko is a prime candidate for them to criticize. and while there's nothing wrong with criticizing a character or their arc or writing if you truly have a problem with it, as you've said, a lot of the time, criticisms against zuko don't seem to be made in very good faith. after all, a big part of zuko's arc is having to unlearn some very black-and-white thinking. also, zuko is not a real person. he is a character, and therefore a narrative tool, and if we want him to be 'held accountable', we need look no further than the story itself, in which he is probably the character the narrative holds the most accountable for his actions due to his prior status as a villain.

(it reminds me a bit, actually, of another favorite character of mine: alec in the tv series shadowhunters. he starts out the story already in a heroic role, unlike zuko, but a big part of his narrative is unlearning some prejudiced cultural mindsets and challenging not only his previous ideologies, but his conception of himself and the people in his life as well. as a result, alec can look sometimes more obviously flawed than the other main cast, but the point is that the narrative asks him to examine those flaws and change and introspect and grow in a way that it doesn't always ask of other characters when they are showcasing their own flaws. which does make me thing about zuko vs. aang in the atla narrative.)

the other thing i think is contributing to zuko's more contentious status in the fandom is how long atla's been in the cultural consciousness, and how common it is for things that used to be popular to cycle through to people starting to criticize or actively hate it to people saying "no, actually, it's still pretty good, you just don't want to like a popular thing" (this is me rn), to maybe eventually getting popular again/at least in certain subsects of the audience. zuko was probably one of the most talked-about aspects of atla for a long time, and while i can understand how that could get frustrating (because there are some other really great characters and aspects of the story!), that's not, like, for no reason. people connected with and admired his story for a reason, and many still do, and (in my humble opinion) that is because it is one of the most thought-out, intentional, and nuanced character arcs of the show.

the ableism, i think, really gets to me because like... even if every criticism from the people who hate him were 100% accurate and said in good faith (they're not, but let's pretend for a minute)... that still wouldn't be an excuse for ableism against a character with a prominent facial difference (or making fun of abuse survivors for the permanent injuries they sustain from abuse.) if zuko had never redeemed himself and stayed a villain, it would still be wrong to talk about his scar and abuse the way some of his detractors do. and the show agrees with me! you know how i know? the only two characters to ever make fun of zuko's scar are villains in the narrative: zhao and azula. ("make fun of" might not be quite right for zhao, since what he said - "you have the scar to prove it" - is far more matter-of-fact than azula imitating him by covering her eye or "make sure they get your good side", but he's absolutely being a huge jerk about it.) other characters react to zuko's scar in all sorts of different ways, even when he's still in a villain/antagonist/anti-hero role: zuko's crew is horrified to learn how he got the scar, song sees a point of connection and tries to reach out to him, but, while i think well-intentioned, she breaks a major boundary by trying to touch his scar when he hasn't conveyed he's okay with that, jet makes assumptions about his background because of it, lee, the kid from zuko alone, asks with curious, childish naivete how he got it, only for his father to reprimand him for asking, aang reacts with annoyance/boredom to azula's ableist joke, and katara trips over her words to correct him when zuko thinks she's essentially calling him "scary to look at". not all of these interactions are positive, but the characters (all of whom are written as pretty sympathetic, even if also flawed) aren't outright trying to make fun of him for it, and the narrative never implies he deserves to be treated as less than because of it, even before his redemption.

anyway. if people don't believe in characters' (and, hell, irl people's) capacity for growth and change and don't want to have nuanced discussions about how trauma can impact these things, i mean... that's their prerogative, but i don't understand why they enjoy the show, because those are big parts of it (and not just wrt zuko.)

i know it can be frustrating, anon— trust me, i get very frustrated. but i promise you, there are plenty of people out there who a) still love zuko and his story and b) are capable of and willing to talk about things with nuance and in good faith. i'm happy to be part of that corner of fandom, and i bet you can manage to carve out a space where more people like that exist, too! <3

#fandom critical #aang critical #atla critical #a little. jic #ableism //#abuse //#atla #zuko #anonymous #asks #i didn't delve into some of the specifics of people's aggravating bad-faith takes anon bc otherwise this post would be 3x longer but trust #hate them too #also the world is not ready for my alec/zuko parallels post that i still haven't made #cross-media parallels #for reasons

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salad-006 · 11 months

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btw salad what's ur opinion on eddsworld legacy?

For the most part, i think legacy is Okay. It's not the Best, but its nice to see so many people come together to finish off the show. I can respect all the work these guys did, especially tomska.

If you came for my option on the season and thats it you can leave, because the rest of this is me going crazy mode

My only real problems lie with only 2-3 episodes, and it drives me Crazy because they're By Far the most popular, so they've caused the most problems. This one question ended up becoming a giantic essay SORRY im just passionate about ebbworld

Keep in mind these are Just my options, I'm not going to look down on you if you're the number one The End Fan. If you like it then Cool, you can continue to enjoy it. And i can continue to hate it over in my corner

I'm keeping this section on Fun Dead short, mostly because it's not really the worst offender

The "Obliviously stupid to progress the plot" trope is so bad here. They've seen zombies before how do they not recognize them now. I get them being oblivious to super obvious things is the joke ,but its just not funny

For a Zombie centric episode, there's barely any Fighting. I feel like big fight scenes are what people like most with these. But no we get a 30 second montage, one that's not even animated

They are such wusses in this episode id bully them if i was there i think

The End. Don't even get me started on The End. Legitimately i have never seen such a botched finale in my life. Fair warning this is about to get long and angry im sorry

Let me ask one question: how come in the Finale To Eddsworld Legacy, the season Dedicated to Edd Gould and his work, Edd Himself does not play a prominent role? I'm not even kidding, you could write Edd out completely and Nothing would change. Ive heard people say this was Tomska going out with a bang before leaving the show, but from what i know he also wanted eddsworld to be completely over at The End. If that's true he could have atleast let Edd shoot the harpoon or some shit, come on

This is such a disappointing finale overall. They don't do anything exciting. We just get to watch a little "do you remember this episode?" Montage, all the sudden everything gets crazy then oh! Episodes over goodbye forever.

An end fight might have been more exciting had it been set up properly. They gave us the bare minimum, which was having tords stupid little gang tag appear a few times then having two of his coworkers/soldiers appear a few times. That doesn't hint at a Tord being an evil meglomaniac who's got a giant fucking robot hidden under the house

FUTURE EDD CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AS WELL, AND HE WORKS GREAT BECAUSE HE SETS UP THE LORE IMMEDIATELY. Tords return gave us Nothing beyond "he is manipulating them!!" Instead we get the book dropped on us halfway through the LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON without ever being given any sort of explanation. That's just it.

ALSO FUCK BRINGING TORD BACK AT ALL. the dude asked to be removed from the show and what did they do? Hinted at his return like 15 times then had him come back as this manipulative mastermind, whos got a bunch of science stuff and a russian accent. At the bare minimum you could have writtten him to atleast resemble something close to Tord. There's literally more evidence that points to him being a clone than there is him being the real Tord, and it WASN'T EVEN INTENTIONAL.

Took a character who had left with all his loose ends tied up, brought him back with completely new unexplained info, then ended the show with both the original and the new loose ends untied. I've read this was Tomska trying to write Tord out of the show for good, but he somehow managed to do the complete opposite by leaving him at a LITERAL cliffhanger. Now all the 12 year olds are @ ing eddsworld begging he comes back for a redemption episode.

I could scream forever about the end but ive already said too much SORRY. This is why im just rewritting it myself to make it good

One last thing: its somewhat heartbreaking to me how Legacy has totally overgrown the classic episodes. Of the top Ten most popular videos on the channel, Seven of them are legacy episodes, with Edds three episodes being at the very bottom of the list

I just don't like it. I dont like how legacy has become like the Face of what eddsworld is. Maybe it's just because Edds work has been one of the biggest inspirations in my life (if that wasn't obvious already) IDK it seems unfair

Tldr: i dont like what legacy has done to the series and the fandom, but it's okay for the most part. Fuck The End though

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auroraescritora · 10 months

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THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME - PERCY/NICO AU HIGH SCHOOL - CHAPTER VII

Oii, how are you doing? This was supposed to be a shorter chapter, then I decided to do something special towards the end. I hope you like it! See the end notes for more information.^^

Previous chapters: CHAPTER I / CHAPTER II / CHAPTER III / CHAPTER IV / CHAPTER V / CHAPTER VI

"Pay attention!” Percy shouted and passed the ball to Chris Rodriguez, a tall boy with Hispanic traits. A great friend, but who was now getting on his nerves.

Okay, it wasn't Chris's fault. Percy wanted to end that practice soon and meet Nico who was waiting for him in the stands. Was he asking too much for time to go faster? Percy yelled again, this time watching Charles Beckendorf get distracted by his cheerleader girlfriend.

Damn, could anyone do anything right!?

"Dude, take it easy!" Grover came running up to him when Coach ended the practice earlier than usual. "Is your boy not taking care of you?"

Grover was right, Nico had taken good care of him. Percy had even relaxed after the act, but then he felt that anger rise to his head watching those people desire what was his. When Nico was lonely and helpless, nobody did anything, choosing to isolate him, but now that Nico had grown up and stood tall with those broad shoulders and intense black eyes, carrying his guitar around the corners, it was nearly impossible not to be enchanted by when he sang. It drove Percy mad, bringing out his worst side.

Percy admitted, he was going crazy, slow and steady, fighting anyone who tried to get close. That had to be the only reason Percy wanted people to stay away from Nico. It's just, it wasn't that different from before. Not that he tried to hide it, Percy purposely pushed people away and he knew it. Nico knew that too. Even the janitor knew. He wanted to feel bad for acting this way, impulsive and…so wrong. He thought that this Percy had stayed in the past and that he'd died with Nico's going away. God, he here he was, thinking he was such a grown-up now just because he didn't act that like that in such a long time. That is, until Nico came back and showed him that he was still the same insecure, jealous little boy.

“Per-cy! Earth to Percy. Anybody home?” Grover said and waved his hand in front of Percy’s face, seeing that now a group of boys had formed around them.

It was normal, after all he was the captain. This would be the moment when they usually had conversations about possible changes in the game strategy. Today was not one of those days, today he hadn't paid attention to anything, ball passes, the position of the players on the pitch or how many baskets were made.

"Sorry guys. You are dismissed.”

"Jackson, come on! Just tell us.” Luke said, walking up to him carefree and careless.

Percy took a deep breath and tried to focus.

"Tell you what?”

"You're not going to freak out again, are you?" Someone else spoke, though they all sounded the same to him.

"Who agrees with the sub-captain taking care of the team?" “Of course Luke said that since he was the sub-captain.

“Do what you want.”

Nothing mattered more than Nico. Calmly, he took the captain's armband off his arm and tossed it to whoever was closest, turning his back on them.

“I want to see how long you last.”

"Percy, come back here! I was kidding! Since when do you listen to what I say?”

But he didn't come back, he kept marching towards the exit, remembering to get his things near the locker room and only stopped when he found Nico at the bottom of the bleachers, oblivious to what was happening around him. Nico was sitting on the grass, his back against the foot of the bleacher structure, strumming his guitar and muttering something low in the most velvety, sweetest voice he had ever heard. Nico stopped playing and then turned towards the notebook in front of him to jot something down, all the while people’s around him watched in awe.

You know, nobody used to watch practice other than the cheerleaders, but here in the late afternoon sun and with the birds chirping, Nico had never looked so beautiful; head down and posture relaxed, giving him the impression that more and more the audience would multiply if this kept happening. Then… then that rage came rushing back and it was so sudden that he stopped before Nico could even notice him, Percy didn't want Nico to see that part of him.

He took a deep breath for long moments and only when he was sure he could control himself did he walk the rest of the way, stopping in front of Nico.

"Are you ready?” Percy asked Nico.

“Hm.” Nico nodded, lifting his hand from the guitar and stretching back. "Don't you have anything more to do? It's still three pm.”

"No, today I'm all yours."

That's when Nico lifted his head, looked at him through his lashes and smiled at him, all sweet and shy, taking him back to simpler times.

"Let's go, then?” He almost forgot about the people around, muttering farther away from them. It was enough for Nico to nod again while putting his things away and to finally hold Percy’s hands while they disappeared from sight of those insignificant people, who kept mumbling like noisy little insects.

He took Nico's backpack, helping him, while Nico took the guitar in the hand that wasn't occupied by his.

"New music?”

“The band practice will perform at the ball.”

"Are They?” Percy could already imagine how many fans Nico would get that night.

"Why didn't you tell me? I have never been to one.

“I wasn't planning on going.” Not since Nico got back, but now that Nico's mentioned the ball… "Do you want to go with me?"

“Mister Jackson! Are you asking me out? It’s a date?”

"Only if you want to be.”

Percy couldn't contain himself, Nico was laughing and joking with so much joy that it warmed his heart to the point that he had to stop halfway and kiss Nico until they were both breathless; on the lips, cheekbones, jaw and neck. He only stopped when Nico laughed so hard that tears welled up in his beautiful dark eyes.

"Then, it's a deal. Let's date.”

"You Moron.” Nico sighed, staring at him closely, and another impulse took him. Percy wiped the tears of laughter that still fell from Nico’s face and kissed him one more time, just to express how much he loved him.

"I'm serious. I'll even wear a suit. What do you think?”

"I think you're going to look real nice."

"I thought I already was.” Nico smiled again and Percy didn't even try to control himself this time. He hugged Nico around the waist and kissed him like last night, as if no one was watching, and only stopped when Nico moaned, high in the back of his throat, and pushed him away, shoving him without force by the chest.

“Per.” Nico whimpered, blinking slowly, almost moaning in frustration, but so softly Percy wanted to slam him against the wall and solve their problem right then and there. It would show who Nico belonged to.

What? No! He was not that person. He, no…

“Per?” He felt soft fingers against his face and blinked, trying to get those thoughts out of his head. Nico looked worried with a slight crease between his eyebrows. "Everyting’s fine?”

“Sure, it’s fine.”

Nico was right to run away from him. In the end, the danger wasn't in other people but in him, a sick and possessive little boy.

"Do you want something to eat? It's getting late.”

Percy just nodded, being pulled by Nico towards his car. He could feel the concern emanate from Nico, it was the way he spoke all softly and carefully, the affectionate touches on his arm or shoulder as if trying to comfort a little boy who had fallen and hurt his leg. And even knowing all this, Percy still didn't feel guilty. He wanted to. And no metter how many times he told himself exactly that, he understood perfectly well what he was doing; he let Nico comfort him, absorbing the attention Nico gave him like a sponge in the desert and it felt wonderfully good.

In the end, they ended up going back to that same restaurant Nico had loved so much, ordering another bottle of wine and all the pasta Nico could eat. Percy knew he should at least call his mother, knowing that at this point she should be worried about his absence, but Percy soon forgot about that. Content, he watched Nico eat heartily and drink more than half of the bottle of wine as if it were water, much less drunk than the last time. Percy didn't mind, because in reality he was exactly where he wanted to be, with Nico smiling at him and paying attention only to him.

***

Immediately, Nico knew something was wrong. Or rather, that they were falling into the same vices as before. To tell the truth, it was hard to worry about these things. Was a lot, especially when Percy was so close and smelled so good, those strong arms around him and the kisses that made him shiver. But he needed…needed…

"Beautiful.” Percy murmured against his lips, pulling him closer until there was no distance left between their bodies. They were still in the restaurant and that was not a proper attitude to have in a public place.

“Per. Stop it.”

“Hm? I don't-- I'm sorry.”

“We need to talk.”

That finally made Percy stop. Nico saw Percy take a deep breath and look at him very seriously. That made it even worse, the expression on Percy's face made him want to spread his legs and obey whatever Percy told him to do, and he knew exactly what Percy would order if they got carried away.

“We don't need to talk.” Percy said when he didn't say anything.

"We don’t?”

"I know everything. It is my behavior.”

"If you know…”

“I can't control myself.”

Hm… that was an evolution. He nodded and smiled, proud of Percy.

“I know it's not right.”

"And what else?”

“I'll try to do better.”

Nico let the air out and relaxed against the restaurant seat.

“Look, I don't really care.”

"No?” Now Percy looked genuinely confused.

“I know who you are and why you do these things. Maybe I'm to blame...”

"So what's the problem?”

“It affects your relationship with people. You're the captain and you're going to be the valedictorian. I don't want this… our relationship to destroy what you've worked for.”

“Nico." That's when he saw Percy widen his eyes and stare at him with a lost look.

“You know I didn't leave because of you, don't you?”

" I thought…”

“Per, you're not the problem, not even your habit of isolating us from others bothers me.”

"I am horrible person.”

"Me too. I… I encouraged you. When someone showed interest in you, I… I'm not proud of what I've done.”

"What did you do?” And where he thought he would see judgment, Percy showed him pure curiosity.

"Do you remember Rachel and the Stroll brothers? I do not want to talk about this. The problem here is that I… I didn't want sex and I didn't know how to say it to you, so I… I ran away and now… everything is worse!”

"Don’t say that. I promise that--"

“No, you don't understand! I missed you every day. I never want to go through that again. I… I… you will never get rid of me again! Are you listening to me! Never!” To prove his point, he pulled Percy by the jacket and kissed him, practically chattering their teeth.

"Baby.”

“No, that's not it. I mean, now you have no reason to let me screw things up.”

“Nico.” Percy said it so quietly and softly that he had to stop for a moment. “You're the best thing in my life. I love you, it's my fault you think that way.”

"It's not your fault. And I... I love you too.”

There, Nico had said what he needed to say. For some reason there was a tightness in his heart, a pressure in his chest that only Percy's touch could ease. He could barely think rationally, because none of it was rational. Not that possessiveness they both felt or that need to be close to each other. It couldn't be healthy. Or normal. How could other people live without feeling as loved and wanted as he did when he looked at Percy?

"Everything’s fine.” Percy said, beaming at him. “You belong to me and I belong to you. It may not be common, but why resist it?”

"Is it really fine?”

“Yeah, I promise. I'll do everything to make sure things work out this time. Do you trust me?”

"I do." How could he not trust when his body and soul soared with the simple touch of fingers against the back of his neck and wet lips against his?

“You don't have to worry, everything's under control.”

And Nico believed that.

With a relieved sigh, Nico allowed himself to be held and comforted. He would trust Percy to take care of everything, just like he always had.

***

Bonus Scene: I thought this chapter was too short, so I decided to bring a scene from the past. A short gift for you.

"Thank you for coming.” Percy Jackson opened the door and let her in.

Clarisse was immediately taken back, they weren't the best of friends and never would be. She couldn't explain it, Percy usually had an aura of someone who would step on anyone to get what he wanted… or rather, Percy was one of the most intimidating people she had ever met. Clarisse knew Percy used his height and strength to stand out, but it was more than that. Sincerely? She never thought she'd be invited to attend the ‘popular parties”, much less by the skinny, nerdy little boy who sat every class next to the psychopathic basketball captain. What embarrassed her the most was how overnight Percy's attitude had changed, from the bully to the politely respectful.

That’s why at this moment Clarisse was standing in front of Percy Jackson's door, hesitating to take the next step inside. You never knew what might be inside a psychopath's house. But finally, when it looked like none of them would give up, Percy held out his hand. However, he only took the platter of sandwiches and snacks from her hands when she offered it to him first.

“That's a lot.” he said, obviously trying hard to sound friendly.

"It’s nothing.” Actually, It wasn't, they had ordered it the day before. Maybe her mother overreacted.

The truth is, she wasn't sure what to bring. All Nico had said was for her to bring something and show up by noon. Usually she would stay well away from those kinds of people, but Annabeth had asked her to spy, so here she was, trying to be civil to the wildest person she'd ever met.

"Come in.” Was all he said before Percy turned and walked down the long hallway into the house.

She followed, surprised by the size of the living room. There was a large buffet table where Percy had set out the snacks, long comfy sofas, beanbags, a movie screen, and so much food she thought was impossible to eat, not to mention the tasteful furniture, the pastel decor, and a wonderful view of a well-tended garden and an Olympic sized swimming pool.

“Make yourself comfortable.” Without waiting, Percy disappeared up the stairs and into another hallway.

“He's just like that. You get used to it.”

Distracted, Clarisse jumped up scared to death, and looked toward the couch. It was Grover! Finally someone decent in this place.

"What's going on here? Where are the people at this party?”

"Party? It's more like a pajama night.”

"Pajama night?"

“Percy and Nico don't like making a fuss.”

“Hm?” She didn't understand anything.

“We get together to eat something and watch a movie. Sometimes to play something.”

"Is that what you rich people do?"

"No, but Percy and Nico like it that way."

"'Percy and Nico'?"

Are they an entity by any chance? A unique being?

That made Grover laugh. Sitting on the sofa, the boy held his stomach and threw his head back.

"You're more right than you think! I like you, I think you'll fit in very well with us.”

“Us? Who exactly? I'm not seeing anyone.”

"Guys, we've got company!" Grover put a hand over his mouth and yelled, creating an echo through the room. Miraculously, people began to come from all directions, down the stairs, and from every hallway or closed door.

“Clarisse, it's good to see you. How's the fencing going?

Silena was the first to approach. She had been his partner for years before she had to focus on school and cheerleading. Beckendorf was behind her, all serious and quiet. What Clarisse didn't expect to find was Luke and Thalia, Leo too. Not that it was surprising, they were all popular in their own way. She just didn't understand why Annabeth wasn't among them; she looked like someone who would fit right in.

"What brings you to our humble place?" Luke asked charmingly, strutting over to sit beside her. "I never thought I'd see you here."

“Nico invited me, so I came.” She shrugged. Maybe she was just curious to know how these people lived.

"Don't worry, soon you’ll be bored. You will see.”

As if on cue, Percy and Nico walked down the stairs, hand in hand and saying something so low that it would be impossible to hear from that distance. However, as soon as Nico saw her presence, he came to her and hugged her tight, saying, “I'm glad you came. Are you hungry?

"Maybe later.”

"Right." Nico smiled at her, holding her hands quickly and got up going towards Percy who had been watching everything with his arms crossed and with the most threatening expression she had ever seen. That is, all of that happened before Nico turned back to Percy, because in the next instant, Percy smiled, showing white teeth and pretty dimples, with so much love in his eyes and offering only kindness and happiness to Nico, that Clarisse thought Percy was two different people.

She had been there for five minutes and already thought it was social suicide to try to do anything to disrupt what was going on between the boys. And with each passing moment, he was more surprised. He saw in slow motion Percy receive Nico in his arms and squeeze him very hard and then kiss Nico's forehead, while Nico just smiled contentedly, practically swallowed by Percy's body. She had never seen such a brotherly gesture turn so sexual and possessive in mere seconds.

"This is normal? Nico need’s help?” she whispered to Grover and Luke who were beside her.

"Do you think he does?"

It was a good question. Almost disappearing behind Percy, he saw Nico drag Percy into the middle of the room and sit between the puffs, in front of a coffee table. Soon someone brought some plates of food close to them and everyone started to eat, even if the plates were closest to Nico. That is, almost everyone started to eat, Percy just watched the events unfold, seeming to survey what was happening around him with a satisfied look watching Nico eat with enthusiasm.

“Want more?” Percy asked Nico. And without waiting for an answer, he returned with a tray full of mini pizzas. “Your favorite.”

“Thank you, Per.” Nico smiled sweetly and his voice sounded even more loving, oozing honey, sugar and everything good in the world.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

Clarisse agreed with Luke, half mesmerized watching that domestic scene. Thankfully it was broken when Percy looked at them with a cynical smirk, saying:

“The bathroom is in the second door on the right.” However, Percy soon said, remembering to be a host, “Why don’t you get a plate. I don't want to have to throw food away.”

And since he said it so sweetly, why not?

Clarisse was the first to get up and go to the buffet table. She started with a piece of lemon cake and a glass of apple juice. She sat down next to Nico and this time, it didn't look like Percy was going to glare at him. Percy honestly seemed content to sit next to Nico and watch him eat with an enamored look on his face.

By the end of the night, watching the second movie and seeing Nico sleeping on Percy's shoulder in the greatest display of love she had ever seen, Clarisse came to a clear conclusion. She felt sorry for Annabeth and anyone who tried to stand in the way of Percy Jackson and his sweet, kind companion whose only innocent feature was his smile.

***

"Why so much food?" It was the big question of the night.

Clarisse noticed that as soon as one plate was emptied, another took its place, one tastier than the last. All she knew was that she couldn't take it anymore, and that she couldn't stop eating either.

“Percy's family owns a restaurant.”

"I know that. Everyone knows.”

“Consider us a group of testers." Nico told her, eating a candy that Clarisse didn't know what it was. “If we like it, it stays on the menu. If not, go under review.”

"The question is. Who did all this?”

“Me and Sally, Percy’s mom.” Nico shrugged and smiled when he saw Clarisse's reaction.

"You can cook?”

"Since a was little.”

“Aren't you rich?" When Nico looked at her, all confused, Clarisse added: “I mean, you don't have people for this?”

“I cook when I'm nervous or anxious. Or happy, too.”

"Seriously?”

“For us, food is a gesture of love.”

But Nico didn't say that looking at her, no. Nico had his hands in his lap and his face was flushed, watching Percy chat with a group of boys by the porch as they continued to talk by the coffee table.

"A gesture of love?"

“I know Percy seems rude sometimes. It's just that he has a hard time trusting people.”

"And you?”

"I trust him.

"That’s pretty clear.”

“You know… we take care of our friends…”

"What does that mean?”

Nico smiled at her again, his black eyes twinkling as he took another bite of the candy. Soon Clarisse understood what was happening, Percy was walking towards them, all proud of himself. At first Clarisse didn't understand anything, and only realized the trap when a smaller boy appeared behind Percy. It was Chris, the boy she had seen in the halls and never had the courage to talk to him.

It was even funny. Percy pulled Chris forward and shoved the boy until he was in front of her, his face flushed with embarrassment.

“Clarisse, I want to introduce you to Chris Rodriguez.”

"We've seen each other around."

“That's great, isn't it?” Percy winked at her and guided Nico by the arm so quickly away that when she saw, she and Chris were alone. And since they were there… why not? She smiled at Chris, thinking that deep down Percy Jackson wasn't all that bad alter all.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, what did you think? I know the last scenes should be shorter, but I can't control myself. I also didn't want to do flashbacks, however they are so interesting that I will do some more. They will be a bit messy, nothing that will hinder the understanding of the story, but I will definitely have to revise their order within the chapters later.

I hope it was a good read. Suggestions and constructive comments are always welcome! I love to see your reation^^

Oh, I forgot to warn you, I hope that +18 scenes aren't too weird and that maybe the word count will exceed 50 thousand words, I'll try to control myself, but you know me. Wish me luck.

We will continue to post once a week.

Thanks for reading!

#percy jackson #nico di angelo #my writing #percy/nico #percico #there's no place like home #pernico

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faesystem · 7 months

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Personally we block anti-endos far more often for racism, ableism, and misinformation. The amount of anti-endos who have blatantly said that other culture's spiritual beliefs are made-up bullshit, that think psychiatrists are infallible gods and that psychiatric abuse isn't a big deal, and spread misinformation about how DID forms so that they can gatekeep people is wild

pretty sure this falls under *checks notes* being a dick. which i said i block 8/10 anti endos i see for being.

whats your point here?

well

i think i know what your point is

if i just said that i blocked 8/10 anti endos i see for being a dick, you would agree with that

but when i said i also block 8/10 pro endos i see for ableism, racism, and misinfo, you now dont agree with my previous statement. not because we disagree on many anti endos sucking, but because you think pro endos... are better.

which, well, id ask you take a look at this big long post i made about in group and out group mentality. its based on the stuff i was learning in my psych class.

a quote that sums up what i think about this whole thing youve said here is 'if you engage with pro-endogenics you will see the worst of anti-endogenics, and if you engage with anti-endogenics you will see the worst of pro-endogenics.'

i think everyone sucks because i exist outside of this in group and out group mentality. i engage with people, not labels, i dont care whether someone calls themselves whatever stance provided they arent bitter horrible people. which means, i engage with pro endos and therefore see the worst of anti endos. and i engage with anti endos and therefore see the worst of pro endos

the difference between the 8/10 pro endos i block versus the 8/10 anti endos is the flavour of sucking they tend to do. the common thread here? all of these people are heavily involved in discourse, and that generally makes someone pretty unpleasant.

discourse, in group out group mentalities, and group conformity turns people into fucking horrible people. sure, not all of us, but every single person who is so strongly attached to a discourse position that anyone outside of it is horrible and anyone inside of it isnt are the exact sort of 8/10 i block

just

look

i cooked my dad dinner, ate it with him tonight. he told me how he went to a japanese restaurant last night and wants to try some japanese cooking. we made plans to cook together

after he showed me this tech project he did. he was coding some different speeds for fans for my mom's biltong making. it was his first time using the program c, and he showed me the whole process.

he showed me how he was able to convert some ratios in three lines. i found out that the program he used before, assembler i think, was only able to divide and times by two. we had a laugh as my brain broke, trying to figure out how someone would even begin to tackle that problem

after he was done there and he gave a demo of everything he had explained in practice, i went to my nan's attached granny flat. i asked if she wanted to watch 10 more minutes of that sam i am movie she wanted to watch with me. we decided we're going to take it in chunks

i got us some wine and some cheese and crackers and we ended up watching for about half an hour before i had to tap out. i do think its a beautiful movie-- i just get a lot of second hand embarrassment when watching it and its kind of painful. but i love my nan and i love watching it with her

ive gotten into cooking a lot recently. not been able to do it as much as id like, ive been sick, but ive been falling in love with it. i want to start growing my own veggies soon

tomorrow, my brother's disability support worker is coming for the first shift. hes a chef and i asked my mom if he could ever do a shift with me to teach me how to cook. she said not yet when i brought it up first, because she doesnt want my brother to feel like im taking his support worker from him.

and earlier he was freaking out because he has a five hour shift tomorrow with this guy. he doesnt think he can handle being around someone for five hours. so i suggested that the support worker could teach me how to cook if james doesnt want to do something with him

and my brother calmed down immediately, it was a huge weight off my back, and im so so excited for tomorrow.

why the ramble?

because we all live

every single person around you is also just living a life as vivid and complex as your own. even the people i block because i think theyre stupid and they rub me the wrong way.

and i think people are worthy of compassion and respect and care regardless of what judgements you make about them

its not that people cant be bad or you have to have them in your life or that its wrong to debate or argue or vent about what they do. its just

i dont know

i find it kinda ridiculous youre in here defending pro endos by saying you generally see anti endos who are worse. of course you do, youre pro endo, youre surrounded by many pro endos because thats your community. you see a lot more of them than i do, i only really see the assholes that get 5 minutes of fame in syscourse. same with anti endos. theres probably a lot, lot more pro/anti endos that did not make it into my 8/10 statistic because i dont even know theyre pro or anti endo, because it doesnt come up and theyre not insufferable people

i just

i just find syscourse so ridiculous now

#mod ? (he/him)#syscourse #syscourse subsection

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woodsfae · 2 years

Text

idk what sort of powerful drugs I got in post-op, but it kinda felt like being on shrooms. Boy, was I a happy camper! I woke up physically, full-body, spasmodically shaking with cold, at a 6+ on the pain scale, but utterly ecstatic. I went under anxious and terrified and did not expect to wake up absolutely 100% positive that everything was peachy-keen and suffused with delight.

What I had was a laparoscopic, partial hysterectomy. Edit: it was a vaginally-assisted, robotic, total hysterectomy. I kept my ovaries and yeeted the fallopian tubes, uterus, and cervix. My doc used a robot to do the surgery - no idea what that looked like, but I've been delightedly imagining one of those claw machines.

So far the worst pain has been the gas they pump up your abdomen with. The wildest thing is that it extends into your shoulders! Apparently the gas irritates a nerve in the diaphragm and that causes excruciating shoulder pain. I do not understand why. At no point has any pain in my abdomen been worse than menstrual cramps.

I walked (feeling very unsteady, clinging to my IV pole and wishing the nurses were carrying me by my elbows instead of just lightly touching my arms) to the bathroom and then to my hospital room bed about an hour after waking up. I couldn't pee for a couple of hours, but I got up and walked (with a nurse holding my arm) to the bathroom to try after another hour or so. I was able to pee on my second attempt.

I had the most bonkers almost-lucid dream repeatedly while I was dozing the afternoon away. I kept dozing off and immediately dreaming that I was in my exact room and exact bed watching red-robed, hooded figures pop into existence on either side of my hospital bed. They would silently walk past the head of my bed into a vast, cavernous space behind me and pace back and forth. Every time I woke up I would realize there was no room behind my bed for them to fit into. And then I'd doze off again and have the exact same dream. It was completely a neutral experience. I wasn't distressed at all, and was really just fascinated by them appearing out of nowhere and doing their strange walk-by-and-pace-behind-me routine. They looked just like these evil little guys in Lode Runner.

But thankfully they didn't eat me like the Lode Runner guys do when they catch you.

I had the worst dry mouth I've ever experienced. I asked my room tech to refill my water so many times she eventually brought me a pitcher to refill my own, then I rang to get unhooked from the machines to go pee so many times, the nurse came and unhooked everything I couldn't get to myself and showed me how to unhook and re-hook myself into everything else, since I was very clearly ambulatory and by then my sister was there to follow me back and forth so I wouldn't fall.

A little before 7pm, they discharged me at my request. Doc had said as long as I was ambulatory, my pain was controlled, and I could pee, I didn't have to stay the night.

Instead of going home, Partner and I went to my sister's, since right as Partner arrived to pick me up, our housemate texted and said they'd just tested positive for covid. So we crashed at my sister's for two days till housemate's symptoms subsided enough that their viral load would have to be pretty low, and now we're quarantining away from each other in the house as much as possible, running our multiple UV-light HEPA air purifiers, and masking outside our rooms.

Five hours before I had my surgery, I had a little niece born in the same hospital, so I got wheelchaired down to see her before heading to my sister's. Now that I'm much less drugged, I'm amused that my brother just fuckin handed me his fresh-out-of-the-womb daughter with just, total confidence, not to mention my niece's mom being totally chill with it! I don't even want kids and idk if I'd hand any baby to someone who just came out of general anesthesia only six hours earlier, lmao.

Anywho, the new tiny little family also came to my sister's the next day, and our oldest sister came to town as well, so lil sis had a very full house. I spent my first 48 hours out of the hospital alternating between napping and holding Fresh New Baby. (she is super, super cute)

Partner has been a total gem - he knows I'm on total pelvic rest and am not supposed to bend or twist at the waist at all, or really even use my abdominal muscles, and so I have hardly done a thing for myself - I haven't even really lifted my own feet in and out of bed! That's definitely contributing to my pain management, since when I do lift my own legs, I feel an ache.

Every day he's gently lowered me into the car and taken me for a little enrichment drive somewhere in the county - I actually highly recommend this, as the road vibration legitimately seems to be vibrating the gas out of me. Plus the car has heated seats and that's nicely soothing for all my sad muscles, too.

Overall, I'm ludicrously positive, feeling well, and am happy to be coddled to an almost silly extent.

Fingers crossed Partner and I don't come down with covid! I don't want to experience coughing while my insides are unmoored from their normal hawsings.

Everyone at the hospital was really, really nice to me. I felt extremely well taken care of by the medical staff, my doc has such a good bedside manner I think he's at least half-way cured me of my medical anxiety, and I finally got a diagnosis! Endometriosis. And now that shit's been ablated the fuck out of my torso.

This is definitely a very serious surgery and my body knows it. I feel the urge to hold my abdomen at almost all times, and in a very unlike-me turn of events, I have no desire to do anything I'm not supposed to. I barely want to get up and walk around a little. I'm zoning out constantly. I can hardly hold an entire train of thought in my head, and I haven't been able to get to genius in the NYT Spelling Bee game since before my surgery. This is definitely take-it-easy time, and I'm grateful that my body and brain agree that I need to be very still, and very easy on myself.

#hysterectomy #woodsfae #medical details #surgery #endometriosis

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bbydollx36x · 1 year

Note

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or bad, and why?

5: Where is one place you would never have sex:

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when:

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny:

11: We were about to have sex but then

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

21: How big is too big?

22: One sexual thing you would never do:

23: Biggest turn on?

25: Worst possible time to get horny:

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:

33: What your favorite part of your body?

34: Favorite foreplay activities:

37: When was the first time you masturbated?

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

63: How small is too small?

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

70: Booty or Boobs?

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina?

Sorry for many o just really want know these

2~ it was good 🥰🥰 my bf never fails to please me 🥴

5~ a car or the shower, personally I think they're both overrated 👀

6~ i started my period in the middle of it and didn't know until he turned the lights on 😅 that was a mess

9~ neck, feet, im v touch sensitive 💕

11~ but then you told me you dont like game of thrones 😬😬 so I had to goooooo

14~ I was on my period and he called me his little ketchup packet :c

15~ like; the way cock feels in my mouth. Dislike; if someone has the audacity to not shower before and think imma suck it >:c

16~ a guy wanted to fist me 😅 tried and failed because I was too tight

18~ I fucking hate condoms 😭 never use them with my bfs. but, I do use them if it's not a commited sexual partner. Its annoying af, but id rather be safe💕

19~ my art teacher in college 🥴 one time he took me into the closet to show me his glow in the dark watch 😂 but being in a closed closet alone with him, it was killing me 🥺

21~ ive never had bigger than 8in 😅 but...id like too >,> I think id say 10~11in would be too big 👀

22~ scatt🙅‍♀️

23~ ive answered this one a few times😘

25~ when im at work 😅 alot of cute guys come thru my job and ill just be thinking dirty thoughts about them the whole time.

31~ if I dont nut thats just disrespectful:c

33~ my eyes🥰

34~ dry humping, making out/eating out, groping, body worship 🥴

37~ oh man 😅 toooo young when I found out how good humping my pillow felt

41~ I have💕 the first time it was me and 2 guys, the second was me and 2 girl friends x3

42~ my brush handle 👀 ive had sex toys since I was able to buy them so I never had to really get creative with it lol

43~ yes, ive masturbatdd at both 😉

46~ I talked about it in the ask before this one, but another thing I guess would be eye contact 💕

51~ when someone tries to just jump into sex without the foreplay 🙃

53~ yes, because I have an oral fixation🥰

61~ pornstar💕

63~ 2~3in.. but those are the kind of guys I want to humiliate 👀 not in a mean way. I just wanna tell them how cute and small it is 😘

69~ oh absolutely 😂

70~ both💕

74~ Lynn Vicious is my stage name x3 hehe

75~ I have 😅 i fucked in my dads bed when he was at work

76~ id have to burn my nice sheets :c lol

77~ the first time I saw it on porn, and I just remember not being able to look away and feeling all tingly to the point I had to play with myself 😅

Its okay💕 I always want asks and this is the most ive gotten in a while 🥰🥰🥰

#me #asks #anon

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kithtaehyung · 2 years

Note

ryen let me start by saying that this chapter was AHMAZING I cried I screamed I whined and I wanted to kick myself!!! It took me longer to collect my thoughts and send them to you bc I was running late and I was thinking if it's OK to send you a few asks so you can put them all together under a read more to avoid spoilers? If it's sth you're comfortable with it, or you can just keep them (my unhinged thoughts) to yourself! -3tandream

oh my gosh, baby!! i am so happy to receive mindblowing feedback from you. four whole messages?? convenient so that i can put them all in one? you're amazing.. responding to everything below!

SCREAMING CRYING WHINING WITH YOU :((( don't kick yourself though omg. this was an awesome way to receive and format feedback, so thank you so much!

The first thing I want to say scream about is how well you played us!! I've read literally all of the 3tan asks since the very first one and I didn't remember at all that one🤯 now I have to find a new personality trait since I've been thirsting over a man that I literally do not know his name. Yoongi my sweet summer child, he loves her so much he's always thinking of her!!! And him and his insecurities got him thinking that maybe jk was a better option for oc? His thoughts really had me on the verge of tears! Why would he think such things!! Oc celebrating their one year since their first time by bringing tangerines and OF COURSE it had to be raining, just for me to tear my hair off over the parallel with the og 3tan😭! -3tandream

MWAHAHAHA YESSS it wasn't any of the members! it's what i've stuck with since the beginning since i wanted to keep it as inclusive as possible. new personality trait LMAO it's ok, babe! there's now a 3tan!jin... so be careful now ahahaha.

and yoongi. yoongi, you old, silly man. for a guy that seems so confident (and is) he really is his own worst enemy bc of his past. it can't seem to leave him :(( why would he think such things is the question! and oc celebrating the one year anniversary with tangerines i love them so damn much.. there were so many parallels! hell yes.

Our man got his walls so high up that oc really snapped, and I'm glad she did! She's showing more sides of herself and she's comfortable with expressing how she's feeling (big sigh),,, oh. OH. so jk was her first love? The first boy that broke her heart? I'm👀over the fact that now that he saw her being all confident and feeling herself he's all like "I've been in love once, Yada Yada, I wanna approach her again Yada Yada"😒 and finally the talk they needed to have!! And the tears that needed to be shed (I was only crying bc I was emotionally supporting them)! AND THE HOLLY VIDEOS😍 and yoongi cares about the cat😍 -3tandream

reader snapping was so cool tbh LMAO called him tf out so abruptly! we are starting to see more of her character and i love it. glad you recognized that!

so jk... sigh. they dated and then he broke her heart before she left for uni. yup. ofc he thought she looked like a million bucks if he had feelings for her before. ugh. i just... yeah. feeling things.

LMAO YOU CAN CRY JUST TO CRY BBY ITS OK!! it was a rough but beautiful scene for them. they needed that. and then all the fluff AHHHHHHH YES YES HOLLY AND CAT!!!!

Don't get me started on the I wanna watch fireworks with you again bc I will cry while I'm pretending to work! You know how much we all love that fireworks line and you're lovingly terrorizing us with it!! I will not comment anything over THE BEST SEX SCENE IVE EVER READ over the fact that I'm a hoe for yoongi's chains. And chains in general. But mostly yoongi's. Oh to be called yoongi's girl and yoongi's slut and to also call yoongi (his dick) yours🥰. And the question remains; who tf is the bro and who will stop me from slapping jk across the face? Ryen ily and you deserve all the rest ib the world, I love your sexy brain💜

alright. yeah. we're just gonna talk about the line that broke me uh huh uh huh great. we do love the fireworks line.. so i cried when it came out again. :'))) played myself like a gd fool. gosh. and then yoongi tearing up at it, too? like, that had to mean something. goddd.

AHAHAH THE SPICE YESSSS i'm so happy that you liked it! huge praise here i am so touched<33 chains. chains chains chains you know me it's a given at this point lmfao. to be called all those things. a dream really😭

who is bro indeed! it's not any of the members, just whoever :D i love you too and i shall rest and rest indeed<3 thank you so incredibly much for all the amazing fantastic sweet words, dream💜

#oh gosh i wanna hug you GAHHH #3tandream anon #asks:3tan #3tan9 #lovely people #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌

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demadogs · 2 years

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can you talk more about your teotfw project if you don’t mind? it’s one of my favorite shows and i’m interested to hear about how you analyzed it. only if you’re comfortable ofc!

im so sorry but it was my freshman year and it was so long ago i barely remember what i focused on so im gonna whip out a whole new analysis on the spot lmao. i think i briefly talked about this for my project but i could have expanded so much more.

so many murder stories just drag it on and not enough know when to stop. teotfw didnt do that at all and i was so thankful for that. murder stories tend to resolve the murder in the first season and then for some reason… continue?? WHY!!! WE SOLVED IT??? the longest murder story ive ever loved was elite and the third season wrapped it up so perfectly and i was so sure that was the final season and then two more came out?? what the hell. ive never watched seasons 4 and 5 and i never will it is DONE in my eyes.

teotfw had a reason to continue a second season bc it left on a cliffhanger with the gunshot sound at the end of s1 but i was scared of where theyd go with it bc now they were no longer going off the comic it was based on (which they replicated perfectly by the way. i have the comic and basically everything in the comic happened in the show and if it didnt they found an easy substitute).

but i LOVED what they did with the second season bc they stayed true to the original story!! just with a different perspective and a new conflict! its not like they just were like “uuuuh idk uh lets have you get shot and throw in a whole new murder and start a completely different story” which is the absolute worst.

i loved that they wrapped it up in just two seasons it was perfect and im so glad they didnt drag it on just for the sake of making more money. too many shows do that. i think the best murder stories are one season, and in most cases i would say that they HAVE to stop when the book it was based on, if any, stops, but teotfw didnt and they still pulled it off really well.

not what you asked, but my favorite murder story of all time is defending jacob. amazing adaptation of a book, its one of the only shows/movies i actually like more than the book.

#ive watched defending jacob three times and read the book it is phenomenal #the end of the fucking world

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mandy4ever69420 · 10 days

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jumpscared by the first tag game i've interacted with in years by @softmick . Solidarity with another duckduckgo user 💪

Name: u can use like isador. wolf. i mean whatever though people have called me sasuke to my face before

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? (or you): TX united states

Ok, so this week we are going to snoop into your google duck duck go search. Type in each phrase and tell us what the first suggestion is that google gives you!

What is the best way to…. lose weight? it's hard to think of something i'm less interested in.

Where can I…. watch season 4 of the chosen? <-considered legitimately using this as a show rec before seeing it was about jesus.

How old is… Taylor Swift? <-getting the sense that the search suggestion algorithm is not trying very hard.

How long does it take.... to get a passport? last time i updated my passport as a teen it took like 4h in the worst government building ever. horrible horrible architecture, designed to torture people. passed the time trying to remember the lyrics to bei mir bistu sheyn (bei mir hostu khein, bei mir bistu einer oif der veld)

How many… weeks in a year? <-again like i am being stonewalled by default searches. good news for my internet safety though?

Who set the record for…. belmont stakes? <- learning what this was is now the most ive ever known about horse racing

When did…. ww2 end? depressing ass question. feels like an essay question that im supposed to subvert. like, am i supposed bring up an argument about the cold war & worldwide proxy wars as an immediate consequence? far, far, too depressing by far

What does it feel like to… get shot? dear dear friend of mine will be in some shameless type situations tbf id just ask him

Can you… name all women shit i had no idea there were that many? i never found the fucking tiktok i was looking for with this one. For the love of god if anyone has it let me know. "amelia eirhart.. ummm.. doja kat." <-thats what he said

When you… say nothing at all 🤐

Why do…n't we just dance? i have long since forgotten how😔 i probably need to relearn bc i do think it's lovely.

Is there a way… to unsend an email? if there was an obvious one id never communicate with anyone at all.

How old do you have to be… to scuba dive? this is the first time i've considered an age limit. i suppose it makes sense not to let like a 3 year old down there though. i mean like imagine the consequences.

Where do the… lakers play? ya rabb wala 7ada yahtamu 3an jadd

What is the best time to… book a flight? several months in advance, probably.

And to finish us off…. What comes up when you type in Shameless? "Shameless season 1 monica" i was trying, fruitlessly, to remember the episode number of her first appearance because i'm the rube who doesnt memorize that. anyway did we know the wiki fucking sucks for shameless. like it absolutely sucks ass

tagging: ill be SO honest no one knows me from here so this is a random assemblage of people who i don't believe will shoot me in the face for it🤗 @pomodoriyum @eviefrie No pressure though. Anemoneway

#i've been out excuse me. Hi

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solardick · 4 months

Text

Honestly? I dotn think im surviving. Get me out of this fake reality. Out of this hell. Leave me alone.

Its only just me. Everyone else is fake, playing the script manipulating me forward. How many more years? Ever since childhood it doeant stop. They wont leave me be. Always shipping me around, always hurting. Always controlling.

Im dead inside. Theres only silence at home. Detach from all of them. Theres only detachment. Only disconnection. Don’t fight to change that. Its only more pain. And im allowed to build up my life on my own.

No prayers can help. Not while they keep working you over. Day in day out. Year after year. After year after year after year after ywar after year after year after ywar after year after year. It doesnt end.

What control do i have? I can eat and bathe and walk. And…. Thats about it. No need controling myself when theres other people to do that for me. Theres nonone to talk to. Hasnt been in a good 15 years or so. Its just me surrounded by assholes.

Nothing like being framed and judge for everything that ails the family. While they cheat it and dont have a pay a dime. Cause i am. I was always nice and supportive of the gay community. Now. Fuck all of them. After spending the last eight years being abused by fucken cocksuckers. And the degenerate druggies. Ny famiky is right fuck the gays. As i sat there time after time again watching them fag bash people. While i always showed a hand. Im done.

Come now X-con continue putting ice on the street maybe you’ll ruin anothr life. One poor guy. Will try it. It’ll put them down a negative path by supporting and the next thing you now. All the posiive rhey would have created to the world gets perverted. And they become a problem. And taxes will have to go up another fraction of a dollard. Do they can continue doing drugs rhey get cheeper than the the price for food.

As for omens, there is always a crow forshadowing violence and homosexuality. After the last few years of studying this phenomenon. been set as fact. Ill trust in god. The rest of you may choke on my giant dick.

Wverytime ive ever asked for guidance in life i was told to go fuck myself. 30+ years and counting. And then god shows up. And starts doing it. But its hard to listen cause the entirw fucken planet is manipulating me to the contrary. I pray gid pushed the recent button in. Ny lifetime. I want to it.

Go Jamie. Not the best voice or sound but, it works.

Canada aka the defeated kingdom. Theres nothing in life to love. Run and refuel on hatred. Not my choice but. Don’t have one either. What the fuck does man know? I just get punished for everything i don’t deserve and what i do. I don’t. Life is only a mind fuck. Alwasy was. Its just get more sophisticated as one ages away.

Well until life becomes authentic. Theres nothingni can do but hold on. As they continue raping my spyche insode out.

Got to wait out the whatever ive been dosed with again. It’ll take awhile. Hello devil. How are you? Good? Fantastic.

I use my third year as the horoscope. Its better. With a jupiter pluto opposition. Venus mars trine sun moon conjunction. Another year of being shipped to a new home. Again. Astrologicay. I was born on the worst date in history. AIDS! Fight the fight! Got to fix the damage and make this place more friendly for you. Also the time when i was paired to be trapped sharing the same room with a pluto oppostion sun. And all life goes to deeper into hell. To a life of sex and secrecy. Year after year. With a boy and with a girl. Until puberty and then….. i quit the addiction. The only sense of intimacy there was. Safe from all the violence. And the cruelty. Well there goes the only source of nourishment. Fall off the wagen. Burn in hell for eternity. Spend the nect couple decades being beaten down into and unstable deliquent mess, drugged on gods knows what. Carnage and violence. Year after years. People taking liberties with my life. On and on. Place after place. Job after job. Persona after person. No peace just chaos. Setting me up firther done the line to be raped soem more. And never have any healthy frame of mind. To build myself up. Just in solitude no one to speak with. More desperate in each passing year.

Thrirty years worh the mother in all that time i had like one estranged converstaion woth the woman. All intent on repairing the situation. Curbed. I was born to be abused into suicide.

And so the new home life starts being paired to a pluto opposition. With a jupiter Pluto oppostion squaring mars and violence. All those raised voices yelling over everything i did. The constant pressure aided and supported the secrecy and the stress. For it was the only thing available at the time to take its place. Everyone blows shit out of propertion with me. Always have. Or the biased drain fule to cause damage. Because people are like that apperently. Always was a pluto oppostion. And there always will be because its generational and all those 90’s punk CS arw always present. Alwasy causing damange and putting themselves over me. As the do caaled master. Their job it to disrupt natural flow. Into a state of i dividyality from stark. For them nature is the enemy.

And they made sure i cant find another job, because i need to be conditioned and controled and owned and never experiencing any sense of autheticity or power of the self.

And now i havento go around pretending everyon eis my friend when in actuallity. No one is. Their all enemies. People only cause me harm. And always have. All the way back to my forst memory. Thats all life is. And if they are froendly its because they have drugs to offer or manipualtion to fulfill.

Fake it till i make it, uh? Too bad im not thr one doing the faking. Ugh. I always had a dream to do soemthign that matters. To make a name. To extend myself onto the world. And fulfill tge purpose of contributing. Since. I can’t breed and i cant create. Life is pointless. So here all that potential gets poured faciliting the effort of owning me.

God, pls fucken kill me. Like the latest girl you sent to fuck with me. Which confuses me. Cause she actually did love me. It was obvious. She loved me for the breaking of unhealthy habits and entropic affairs. She projected that part of herself onto me. She loved me because i was supportive, but i was just a sexual object. I tried fixing that. Tried to bring into my home. Create a dialogue. But no. Wouldnt even look em in the eye. Only when she outs herself over me. Or she staired at me from the side or from behind. And now they switch her out and put the giy whos supposed to catch my mars. Got to project that shit. And ive never invited anyone over before. That be the first time.

Well you got sexual harrasment ltg girl. But that was out of desperation during hoghtened vulnerability while they were busy dosing me and raping my mind.

How well, she’ll be a great mum of a couple of kids one day. And own a house. With lots of happy memories. Bye luv. I always have a welcoming hand. Even theough everyone abuses it to cause me harm. I dont know how else to be.

Maybe i should just go back to being the creature that i was. Bent on the satisfaction of desires without mind for anything else. Since in not allowed to feel human. Maybe if they were wealthy and i could, just spend my days studying the feminine oracle practices and watched tv everyday. Instead of going to work. Maybe i’d create something awesome. That would support the new age effemination of mankind. Since i have no say over my own life. And since thats the only part of me im allowed to develop. Ive been debased so much in life. That i deserve nothing else.

I just want another fucken person in my life. Man. I cant function on my own. And im always alone.

And ill never have the eyes for astrology. To be able to read a chart and how it develops. Wont be able to rewind and fastforward through time. Like the professionals do. Especially not not after having more of myself being repressed. While others get oppressed. If a lose a lose. And since most if it is by the work of others. Im blind to it. Because i dont have it with me. They do.

And it’s not what you’re doing, it’s that you’re doing it. No type Os here. Its the only silver lining. Thr only pillar that doesnt fall. In this ruin of a toxic wasteland dumbed on and regulated by thr outside. And there’ll never be enough “pillars” to be able to do anything with it supporting someones else weight. Theres a corner over there that still has floor. Pull up a chair and have a sit.

Think they gave me hormone thearapy.

nyway i was going to quit amokign but then i realized my entire reality is fake. And theres not a single person ay work want i want to hang with. Theri all cockcsuckers. Un the degenrate crossdrsseing body shaving drug dealing criminal or the effeminate litle forwign iid whos sings female pop song hits. Igh no

#Spotify

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shehasworktodo · 2 years

Text

"Enkrateia" Part 2

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost" -Luke 19:10

This is probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to write about.

I just pray that whoever is led to read this is blessed and learns from my mistakes, because I know that I have. The only person I'll include in this story is me, because it was my responsibility and mine alone for my actions and the pain that I inflicted upon myself. This happened to be one of the best and worst days of my life back in August of this year, 2022, and I'm thankful that I get to live and share this story with you.

Bottom line is I drank too much.

I drank too much to the point where I ended up in an ambulance with a BAC of 264.

It was day 4 of binge drinking and partying at concerts day and night. I might have taken two or three edibles before the day got started at the Vegas beach club. We were seeing Marshmello, so we wanted to ball out and get a VIP table to enjoy the show. My card was on the tab and we ended up having a few drinks before more and more people arrived. I remember only eating half a chicken finger and a couple waffle fries that day. Overall, my kindness and passive attitude got the best of me. I allowed money to be charged to my card without thinking properly, even after it seemed like God was giving me so many chances to turn the situation around. "Card was declined due to suspected fraud... did you tell your card company that you're in another state?" "This card can't be used because your entire name isn't on the back of the card. We just verified with management." "Congratulations! This card went through!" By the time this $1400 bottle of Grey Goose arrived, just about everyone was gone.

Side note, and this should go without saying, ALCOHOL AND FINANCES DO NOT MIX. In my case, I was crossfaded. I don't even like edibles! However, when it comes to money, just because you have it doesn't mean you should spend it. And just because you spend it, that doesn't mean you should try and down a whole entire handle of Grey Goose!

Once again my kindness and passiveness got the best of me, so we ended up keeping the bottle. For a moment we were all enjoying ourselves again. I remember seeing a photo of myself with a cup of liquor in each hand. On the dancefloor, one of the bouncers invited us to go backstage and listen to Marshmello from there in exchange for a "generous tip". How could we say no?

I'm having the time of my life. Everything felt surreal. Marshmello was playing his rendition of Mr. Brightside by The Killers. A friendly face helped me walk to the restroom once I had to "break the seal". After that, I was in so much bliss. The rest of the day felt like one of those scenes in a movie where a character goes in and out of consciousness before completely blacking out. To me it felt like an unplanned nap.

There was someone trying to get my attention. "Shanice... are you okay?... I need you to look at me, sweetie..." I peered at someone through my sunglasses before closing my eyes again. "I need you to look at me..." I look at the person one more time before throwing up- on her, on myself, on anyone else? Who knows. All I can mutter out is "Uh oh." Next thing I know, someone's saying "Okay, we're throwing up now... someone call 911." Paramedics lifted me onto a gurney and wheeled me out from backstage of the beach club to the front of the concert into an ambulance. I got to ride in my very first ambulance and I can't even remember it. Medics asked me questions, I answered them with my eyes closed and my shades still on. The only pain I felt was them taking off the bandage I had on my right knee from our first night in Vegas ending with me eating pavement.

Around 8pm I woke up in the ER watching my vitals on a monitor while hooked up to an IV to treat my alcohol poisoning. I heard visitors weren't allowed in the ER due to Covid so I watched an unruly schizo yell at staff while I regained consciousness chatting with my nurse. I even managed to go in a urinal without spilling.

I have so much to be grateful for, and I still have so much to learn. I'm thankful for all of whom were for me and cared for me during that time. I've lost friendships and gained new ones along the way of me rediscovering the person God has purposed me to be. Most importantly, on that Sabbath day, I was not shining His light. I've learned that I'm not invincible, and I have absolutely no reason to be drinking- especially not like that. Was I an embarrassment? Absolutely. Am I embarrassed? At times I cringe over what I remember, but I also know that I'll probably never see those people again. I like to think that somewhere Marshmello must feel that he literally turned the party out because someone ended up leaving on a stretcher with a smile on her face.

Enkrateia is the Greek word for "self-control". Something that we all need to have more of. Myself obviously and most definitely included!

I'm writing this because I'm leaving this behind in 2022. I'm writing this because it isn't something that defines the amazing person I'm growing up to be. I'm writing this because who else is sharing their L's with you on social media? This will be a day that I won't forget, but through the Lord's grace and forgiveness, it has no more room to haunt me. It was a very big realization that: #1, this is not the kind of life I want to lead and #2, I have a testimony to share. Regardless of how great life is, we all have our downfalls and our wakeup calls. Will everything be all sunshine and rainbows afterwards? Of course not. But we're going to take things one step at a time.

This is something I am growing from. This is something I can pass down to my future kids for them to learn from. This is something I can look back on and be proud of how far I've come.

For you, Mom. Thank you for loving me through it all.

The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace." -Numbers 6:24-26

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 2 years

Text

302 of 2022

How many sugars do you like in your tea?

I don’t drink tea.

Do you enjoy road trips?

I do, very much.

What about camping in the great outdoors?

Not really my thing.

Ever heard of a band called The Dresden Dolls?

Yeah, I even know a few songs by them.

What was the last movie you saw that made you laugh out loud?

I don’t watch movies.

What are you craving at this very moment?

Understanding.

Do you think The Beatles are overrated?

They are, but the music is okay.

Do you blog?

I have two blogs here on Tumblr, does that count?

Do your socks always match?

They do.

Who’s sexier? Musicians or jocks?

I don’t find anyone ‘sexy’, I just find some guys handsome and it doesn’t depend on what they do.

Regular or curly fries?

Curly fries?? Not a thing in my country.

Do you watch Lifetime movies?

I don’t watch any movies.

Who’s your favorite superhero?

Superheroes are lame, thanks.

What does your regular attire consist of?

A hoodie, wide leg or cargo trousers, and combat boots or Converse-like shoes. Typically in black.

Do you own any pairs of Converse?

No, but I have a similar style shoes. They are of the Fila brand and I love them.

Do you like pop music?

I don’t care about pop music. It’s too bland and mellow for my tastes. I’m more of a metalhead/hip hop person.

Popsicles or Ice Cream?

Ice cream.

How many pillows do you sleep with?

Three.

Do you go to church regularly?

I don’t go to church at all.

Have you or would you ever dye your hair a crazy color?

I have done it too many times in the past.

At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week?

I don’t think my high school has ever done that. I don’t even know what it is.

Are school dances lame?

They are.

Are you good at solving math problems in your head?

Decent, I would say.

Can you perform any magic tricks?

Don’t know and don’t care.

Do you listen to vinyl?

No, I don’t. I like them, though.

Do you wear studded belts?

Not anymore, but I used to.

What kind of M&Ms do you like best?

I’m not a big fan of these at all.

Have you ever seen two movies at the theater in a row?

No. I wouldn’t even want to.

If you were to go to Starbucks right this second, what do you think you’d order?

Caramel latte.

Do you own any dice?

There are some in the house somewhere.

Do you like to wear cardigans?

I don’t think I’d like them even if I was a woman.

If I were to ask you nicely, would you please consider making a survey for me and everyone else?

Sure, but I’m not good at these things.

What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting?

I’ve never been babysitting and I never will, stay away from me.

If you wear contacts, do they tend to get really dry after only wearing them for just a couple hours?

I don’t wear contacts for exactly this reason.

Have you ever watched any British television shows?

Yeah, I love Poldark. Such a beautiful series.

Do you own a nightgown?

No, I’m a man.

If you could get any pet right now, what would you?

Yet another cat.

Have you played Grand Theft Auto: IV? If so, what do you think of it?

I don’t play video games.

How often does your internet disconnect?

Very rarely. Now they’re doing maintenance, though.

Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker?

What? We don’t do it in Europe.

Do you / did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff?

I guess I has a poster in it. I don’t remember well.

How many teenagers do you know who have babies?

One, the daughter of one of my friends. She’s 15 and has one year old daughter.

Is there a fan in the room you’re in right now?

No, there’s a heating, though.

Do you believe that chivalry is really dead?

Not completely.

How much is your cell phone bill each month?

15€ or so.

Have you ever made a house out of a giant cardboard box?

Yeah, we used to do that a lot with the neighbourhood kids. One day we built two floors house and some kid who climbed into the upper box fell down to the ground. Thankfully nothing bad happened.

Have you ever made a tent out of sheets in your bedroom?

No, I’ve always had tiny bedrooms.

What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos?

The toilet. I’m not kidding.

If you could keep your parents or trade them for other parents, which would you pick?

Jesus, what a question.

Do kiwis make you think of testicles or is it just me?

It’s just you lol. I see them every day.

Do you think it’s cool how peroxide gets all fizzy when you put it on a cut?

3% hydrogen peroxide, you mean? Hopefully not perhydrol.

Is there a piggy bank in the room you’re in?

No, there’s none in the whole house.

If I had to power to give you one thing right now, what would it be?

Good health.

Do you want to get pregnant right now?

Even if I wanted, I don’t think it’s biologically possible.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t like the internet?

Yeah, my friend Kenny. He hasn’t even had a smartphone for a long time and he doesn’t have any social media.

Do your grandparents know how to operate a cell phone?

My grandparents are deceased.

Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live?

No, never.

If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie?

I don’t care about comedians.

How many sets of twins do you know?

My mum is one of the twins, and two of my coworkers are twin sisters.

Has anyone ever made fun of you for using proper grammar?

No, but if anyone did, I’d challenge them to talk in my native language.

Do you own any hemp jewelry?

No, I don’t.

Have you ever cut carpet with a carpet cutter?

I’ve never cut a carpet.

Are there any books you want to read?

The list is going on and on.

Is it before of after 3 pm?

Much after. It’s dinner time.

If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them?

Yeah, I’ve been always protective of my sister.

If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you?

I don’t have older siblings.

What are your plans for New Year’s Eve?

Too early for that.

Would you like a beer?

Sure, anytime.

Have you ever played golf?

Nah, just watched and it was boring.

Is there a lake near your house?

No, there’s a water canal though.

#survey #q&a survey #random survey

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mystoriesnotover3110 · 2 years

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Its like living a night mare every year!!

Yes as time has gone on it has gotten easier but it does not change the fact your life was cut short 4 years ago, ugh where do I start well there is no start with this there is no end to this even though there are people who wish id just not speak on it anymore but reality is we all deal with things differently, relationships wise 100% moved on, I'm gay clearly and happy with Hailey, but your memory never left me. June 30th is always my reminder of what tonight is and what tomorrow means, you wanted me as your wife which now I know would have never worked because I was meant to be with a girl, anyways back to you, id give the world to sit down and have a conversation with you, I sometimes wonder if you have talked to my grandparents up there with you or even my aunt my moms sister, I always wonder if you can just talk to anyone in heaven or how it works? I hope my grandparents and aunt don’t have a hateful heart towards you because it wasn't your fault I lied so much to my family about US. That was 100% me and of course since you passed away I've taken full responsibility for the things I said and did while we were together and even after, I was thinking about how last year around this time is when I found out about my ex and your cousin speaking about me, what people don’t know is when you and I were together I couldn't talk to many people at all, you went through my phone if I had one, you were always on my Facebook to make sure no other boy, guys were speaking to me, but I don’t resent you for the things you put me through or the things I choose to deal with while I was dating you trust me it taught me more than you could imagine about how I'm supposed to be treated as well as how I'm supposed to treat the one I love, ill probably always write to you, as if you cant already read my mind, the words I said to you out of anger then haunt me, there are so many things I could sit and apologize for and I'm sure you have had time in heaven to reflect as you have watched me over the last 4 years, and I'm sure id get some apologies as well, grief in any shape is hard to deal with but death of someone young is hard, I hate it for your family the most, I truly do your parents took it hard and still take it hard every single day and its been over 2 solid years since Ive seen either one of them in person. I dont get many questions about you anymore, unless someone is asking about my butterfly tattoo, I wish you would show me you’re still here because I miss your sudden reminders sometimes, its nice knowing I have an angel forever watching over my life, and I still say you were there the day I nearly ended my life, I know you had a hand in that, you showed yourself to me the day Zedin was born... so its not like I don’t know your probably standing beside me or looking over my shoulder as I'm typing this probably shaking your head saying you know we had this conversation before I died months before that if something ever happened to either of us we wanted each other to live long happy lives and that we promised to always be there for every moment, I still remember the car ride to your house 4 years ago how you looked at me and said “I think I'm going to die” and I got upset and said not to say things like that, but since then I've learned your body tells you... you honestly without even knowing prepared me for those final moments with you on earth, for the officer to look at me and say that what he was about to tell me was the worst part of his job, even though deep down I already knew.. I knew before the police got there and before the paramedics came in to revive you. I stood in that living room for that 45 mins with my head spinning looking at your brother shaking my head... I still hate the beeping sounds that sound like phibulaters,i hate the sound of emergency crews. I hate when people talk bad about drug addiction and the people that go through it, unless you have been through it or had to deal with someone first hand who was or is an addict I believe you have no say unless your a licensed professional. anyways I honestly dont know where this is going all I know is I'm writing because of you, I do these entries to speak to you but also for my memory, for my children to one day read if their mother/Hailey allows them to read these, I have almost 120 entries since you died, if I had written everyday since the actual day since your death it be a lot more then that. But anyways Hope you are doing well my angel, i’ll come see you tomorrow, and i’ll be open and honest with Hailey about my emotions always and I’m thankful to have you apart of my journey even if its only in my heart I'm glad you get to see life through me in a way. You continue to rest Easy MATTHEW THOMAS JONES 07/01/18 <3

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