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bonnvivre · 4 months

Text

a funny thing- ch 24/25 word dump

WUAHAHAHA 4AM BABEY YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

i’ve been cookin low and slow with this one and i mean real slow like. too slow . as in 2 weeks later whoops

this one’s a real doozy so grab a snack

FIRST PAGE ON THE GOSUKU TAG WHEN YOU SORT BY KUDOS LETS GOOOOOOO major rweiser W

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ch 24

thinking abt yuuji flying down the sidewalk and megumi becoming the equivalent of a flag whipping behind him pls yuuji not everyone can keep up 😭

fred says fuck

mmmmmm crunchy cookies i love me some egg shell

yeah with cooking, you can play around with the measurements and adjust along the way, but baking is whole different beast :[ i made creme brulee for our new year dinner, my first time baking actually, and i was terrified the entire process cus one wrong step and its over (they turned out good in the end, though i wanted to leave it in the fridge longer)

sukuna and uraume on the same wavelength love that

daww megumi just be a kid its okay

gojo’s nicknames for toji PLS father-fushi and fraidy-guro

hehehe he technically called sukuna pretty ,, i agree

LMAOOOOO AINT NO WAYY OFC HE SABOTAGED HIM

i feel like toji would actually do well in getting sales (if he had the proper cookies) considering he’s “a pro at freeloading off women” which leads me to believe he’s got hella charisma .

“Fushiguro stops just before the table, one hand balled into a fist so tight, the muscles of his arm are easy to see, flexing dangerously beneath his skin.” uwwheheheerhfbud sorry

OH SHT THE GIRLIES ARE FIGHTING YOOOOOOOO AND SUKUNA JUMPING IN FOR GOJO ???? in front of the kids in a school fundraiser is crazy lmao

pinky

gojo taking bets on who’s gonna win reminded me of mei mei betting on the gojo-sukuna fight

i had a crazy amount of secondhand embarrassment going thru that hhhhhh yknow that feeling when you just wanna curl up and cover ur eyes and you’re fighting to even look back ? yeaaaaa

“Hurting people is bad. And you’re not bad!” ohh yuuji ughhh he has no idea of what sukuna was before, that he’s done more than hurt people .. children really only see the side of their parents that they’ve allowed to show them. it’s why kids usually think the highest of them, so yuuji saying that sukuna’s not bad gets me cus he’s known and seen only the best of him. but it makes me feel gooey inside cus, while everyone else sees the former king of curses, yuuji sees his dad and when he does eventually find out, he’ll still always be his dad before anything else (does this make sense i hope it makes sense im trying to make my thoughts coherent)

oh hey they’re talking abt it !

I GASPED OH MY GOD PLEAS EOLASOE APLEAS EPLAS EPALEAPSLEAPSH NOOOOOOOOO FFGGHGBBVV HITTING MY BED GRFGHJVNGRRAAGGHHFEG

im being tortured i thinj you’re trying to kill me here this is the worst case of edging ive ever had in my life (no not like that)

post-chapter notes:

IM ALREAYD RIOTING YASTOP BLUE BALLING ME

id read real housewives of jujutsu sorcery

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ch 25

GRADE 1 ?? AS IN ONE ?? AS IN O N E ?? AS IN, YUUJI IS NO LONGER A PRESCHOOLER

when you said small time-skip, i thought you meant a few months later . i was wrong

aight time to update the time board: yuuji’s in first grade so he’s 6 yrs old, we’re in 2013 now (i think), gojo is 24 yrs old 23 yrs old (chap takes place during summer, bday not passed yet)

it’s 2013, he can get a 3ds now :D im gonna get him on smash bros . OR KID ICARUS UPRISING IT SHOULD BE OUT ALREADY

they should totally name the potential pet after me (jk)

OKAYYYY THATS A START HE KISSED HIM ON THE HEAD !! WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE :O now go lower. preferably on the li

oh yeah yeah definitely not together whatever helps you sleep at night man

im gonna need the bad bitches birthday bash one-shot someday with the way shoko’s bringing it up

the fact gojo’s heard the threat so many times before that he can finish it and brush it off

CANDY CRUSH !!?!??

AWWWWWW THATS ADORABLE ;____; sukuna wanting to do something to surprise gojo’s first day as a teacher and yuuji suggesting to make a cake cus he knows his daddy loves sweets AND they spent the whole day prepping awawawawaw so cutee

they called on uraume for help too LOL poor them

yuuji being a snitch HA i can’t help but think of my siblings

you can’t be serious gojo, not after that? people also don’t usually sleep and cuddle the homies cmon man

mother is mothering and mother is leading the herd (no but i love how he adapted to the role very easily, likely to prior experience)

whuh the fundraiser was last year ? am i overthinking the timeframe … ok im back after going thru the calendar that makes sense 👍 carry on wait hold on first semester of first grade ended so they’re on break ... summer break ?? unless this is going off of a different schooling system (oh yeah duh japan lol)

ohhh please let them meet mama-guro i can imagine the absolute shock on their faces trying to comprehend how someone like toji managed to marry someone like her 😭 bonus points if toji is much more softer around her too and the sheer whiplash of seeing him having ANY sort of loving side is enough to send gosuku into a spiral

“It’s exactly the type of thing Sukuna would never be caught dead wearing, which means Satoru must do all in his near-infinite power to make him wear it.” real

THESE THREE ARE RIDICULOUS LMAOOOOOO sorry kids your fathers are busy trying to one-up each other

“But, then again, these are just go-karts; how much damage could he really do?” famous last words before disaster

oh no

hey sukuna’s living life at least he’s having fun and that’s all that matters 🥰

not the pyramid projectiles

CONICAL AMMO !?$&7)-)26 MARIO KART IRL GONE WRONG oh my god its too late for this i need to sleep

OH MY GOD ??????

WHADDYA MEAN THEY’RE GONE ??????

post chap notes:

what just happened

no really what jusr happened

the amount of times i’ve said oh my god throughout the entire go-kart scene i was clutching my pearls

he recreates his reign in the silliest ways, all while wearing nice little red bow :3

nah i get it the entire first arc was dedicated to how messed up he was abt suguru so i understand the doubts but they’ve also near kissed multiple times .. unless they were super down with kissing the homies

“I sure hope nothing bad has happened to them...” STOP

#i spent a good chunk of time trying to figure out the time frame help #i was thoroughly entertained throughout ch 25 #AYE BUT GO-KARTING IS AN EXTREME COMPETITIVE SPORT THO #mario kart can bring out the worst in ppl #ok sleepinfh now gn #a funny thing happened on the way to therapy #for weiserr #lai’s word dump n thoughts #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gosuku #sukugo

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kidhawks · 4 years

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Hey. I just want to talk. Are you the physical manifestation of the ultimate Hawks stan???? Do you personify the idea of galaxy-brained thoughts??? I'd be rich if I had a dime for every single time you Said The Thing We Hide Away In Our Deepest Desires Validating Them Or Introducing A New, Exciting Concept And Expanded With More Wonderful Thoughts!!!!

(+) That panel lives rent free in my head and comes in two flavors. "Aw, cute bby. Look at him hiding behind his fwuffy wittle jacket uwu, I love he! Squishy round face, hand gestures ahhh. Omg, awkward bby. He knows too much lol. Snoopy birb."

(+) And the other being fuel for the idea of Hawks letting slip little things to let the HPSC know to watch themselves, showing that they aren't the ones with the upper hand. He's dangerous! A weapon that you build can be used against you, and he's choosing to be obedient, but he knows them Very Well. Even the things they don't speak of, it doesn't escape his eyes.

(+) As for That Panel In Particular. Its such an awkward "whoops" moment, that you won't notice anything unless if you really think about it. Why did he choose that? It makes him seem less intimidating. Which can be useful! Making it seem like he recognizes mistakes, and doing that in front of the HPSC? Ahhh. I can't word it properly lol. Double purposes! But really, hiding behind his jacket? Its not just out of being caught, might be to hide his expression. Look at the hardness in his eyes.

(+) And he continues to have that in the next page! He also probably chose to let that info slip to question them on why they were sending him on such an immoral mission. When they already had plans, I wonder what reads as odd to him? Using the knowledge he has on their normal workings and decision making? I also think Hawks is aware of why they chose him. And its not just "sharp eyes and ears" as the President says. (Goofy Hawks is a great disguise, but not in front of them. So he drops it.)

(+) . Which! Notice how she's the only one who takes it in with stride, responding naturally? While the other guy responds to Hawks knowing something he shouldn't. Notice how Hawks automatically (and correctly!) assumes they're telling him to ignore the League's victims. Which goes against his very nature! Before they even said anything alluding to it. And the other guys eyes are all narrowed at him when confirming, so there's definitely some tension there.

(this is the post that prompted this btw)

aagdjdbdj as much as i’d like to call myself THE hawks stan there are people who’ve been at it longer than me! i’m just having fun over here :^) rest of my answer under the cut because this is p long already

i too am consumed by thoughts of Oh My God cute squishy baby stuffs face in jacket,..,.... hes so cute hhhhh i cant be coherent about this... anyway, what? oh, hawks’ tense relationship w the hpsc. we love to see it. two parties with a lot of history, the hpsc having the power by virtue of raising hawks but hawks not taking it lying down.

i hope we get more on the president and hawks! i imagine that they’re as intelligent as each other and and anyone in the room can viscerally feel that tension. hawks isn’t afraid to speak his mind and the president takes it in stride. she’s used to his back talk as much as a mother’s used to her child’s petulance, huh? (not that they have that kind of relationship..... maybe some weird mirror of it. she raised him through glass screens and indirect orders perhaps, not a real mother but a clinical substitute for one. hori please validate me)

not to seriously derail this into wild speculation abt hawks’ relationship with commission members, but damn you’ve made me interested. i get the feeling those other hpsc agents are more easily riled up by hawks than the president is (he likes messing with them probably....) and they wish she would put him in his place. but she knows hawks’ yapping is shallow and even a little entertaining so she lets him make himself feel better with it, until they both drop pretences and the room gets a little colder as they do. ooooh i want more interactions i want it,,

#sorry yeah i derailed that with headcanons. ur asks just inspired me #hawks #ask #long post #commission president #give us her name hori.... or keep her an intimidating unnamed figure that works too

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disaster-fruit · 4 years

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and I know it's unfair because I haven't answered the ask yet but you're Brazilian so you know way more than me but I'd love to hear your thoughts about Imperial Brazil?? I'm really struggling with him bc i know about him in this era more from a portuguese perspective.....

YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN’T ANSWER THIS HUH

Sorry for taking so damn long audshdf I was saving this ask to do a real deep dive into the whole empire with a lot of historical explanation and a lot of detail buuuut I was having some trouble coherently organizing my thoughts about Pedro II’s reign so instead I’m gonna use this ask to more loosely talk abt the first half of the empire. You’ve seen my basic thoughts on the second half on that other post, so now I’m gonna ramble mostly about 1808-1840.

Also, hm, this is LONG. It’s embarrassingly long. I hope you have time.

And yes 1808-1822 is not part of the empire, but Brazil was no longer a colony in practice during those years, and I think they were crucial to his development as a person.

Before 1808, Brazil pretty much grew up alone. His mother was around less and less, and he had no friends. Portugal was, as we already know, a shitty dad. Up to that point, he was not only absent but also very controlling. He never allowed Brazil or his people to learn how to read, Brazil wasn’t allowed to have libraries or universities or newspapers or even print. Portugal alienated Brazil both from his mother and from Port himself. He was forcefully kept from developing his own ideas, and his growth was stagnant – even physically. The way I see it, after 300 years he was still a small child, while the others around him were already growing into teenagers even though they were younger in actual numbers. Portugal literally kept him from developing as a person, by force.

But suddenly, Portugal needed him. Suddenly, he showed up at his shore, with hundreds of people, and objects, and books. And though Portugal desperately needed Brazil at that time, his king couldn’t be there with Brazil being like that. That land with no cities and no libraries and no economy no nothing because he was forced to have nothing.

He starts growing really, really fast, and forcefully again. And it was a painful process – his people were being kicked out of their houses so that the people that arrived from Portugal had where to live. In a few years, he grew almost as fast as humans did. But it was still an incomplete growth – most of his people were still living in misery, but now he had a structured state that allowed him to more firmly fit into what a nation means. But it all happened so fast he was… dizzy.

And that was all combined with what was happening in his relationship with his father. They had both gotten much closer now that Portugal was physically there more often. I think Portugal is considerably less shitty to Brazil during these years, both because he needs him and because he is a relief from everything going on in Europe. But that doesn’t mean he became a good dad, but also Brazil was a lot smarter now, a lot freer, and quick to realize something that had always been true – Portugal needed Brazil more than Brazil needed Portugal. Much more.

The fact that he wasn’t a colony anymore but wasn’t quite independent, and thus still had to obey Portugal to some degree, started to annoy him. This has quite a bit of teenage rebellion element into it, but that doesn’t mean it came from unjustified anger. Not at all. His pride and ego were starting to really develop. The king of Portugal liked him better than he liked port himself, Brazil was heaven on earth, Brazil was rich, Brazil was full of potential, Brazil was great, Brazil was paradise, Brazil was not his own.

And that just keeps building.

And when Portugal starts talking about making him a colony again. After all that shit about the being a united kingdom, about Portugal being his father and trying to get close to him, of seeing him as a refuge and a relief, after all of that connection I think Portugal genuinely tried to build with him, the ugly truth is bare again – Portugal never saw him as worthy of equal footing, never saw that united kingdom as anything but temporary, never saw brazil as anything more than a colony.

And Brazil is mad.

When he found out the plans of Pedro I to declare independence, he’s more than happy. He’s been thinking of it for a while, and I think maybe deep down he didn’t love the idea of another Portuguese man being his boss, but Pedro had grown up in brazil, dude was carioca at heart, his wife was wonderful, Brazil could work with that. He declared independence, fought against Portugal, won, still had to pay for his independence, but, at last, he got it.

I think in a way Brazil’s anger, as righteous as it was, did blind him to what was going on. He wanted so bad to get rid of Portugal and avoid going back to how it was when he was a colony, that he waved away or even approved things that really just kept him stuck in the same place. Very little actually changed for most people, and as someone who literally represented all the people, he knew that and could feel that, but he was still so euphoric personally about it that he… ignored it.

Pedro I’s reign was… messy. He needed a constitution, he got into a war with Argentina, everyone was talking about who Pedro was fucking, it was just a whole mess. For that reason, I think despite declaring his independence, brazil remembers Pedro as being mostly an irresponsible asshole who couldn’t keep it in his pants and was too busy being a playboy to rule this country yet still managed to be authoritarian and also made him lose Uruguay. And when it came time for him to choose Brazil or Portugal, just like his father, he chooses Portugal.

That was a blow on his ego. Brazil at this point was still just a teenager, who had in two decades grown insanely fast for a nation, has been told by each king his land was heaven on earth and so much richer than Portugal, yet no one was willing to choose him. Ever. He was still an afterthought. Like a colony, that still had a metropolis. Pedro left him with a 4-year-old, with a government disorganized, and no money.

And then the Provinces start to rise up.

So, hm, a quick background on how I see the provinces: Some of them existed since around 1530, some were younger and some weren't around yet, and if Brazil first appeared representing the people that were born in this new colony, the provinces were much more… administrative and political. Yet many of the ones that were around grew much faster than Brazil – they were already teenagers or even adults by independence. They had always responded directly to Portugal and for a long time saw no connection between themselves or between them and Brazil. The idea of “Brazil” was only like… 100 years old, even less than that. And some of them were not loving being attached to those two kids – Brazil and the baby emperor. They saw the weak government of the regency as a chance to rise up and declare their own independence, as many who started as provinces around them had – like Uruguay.

The regency lasted 9 years, but I think those few years were also crucial to form Brazil as a person, due to how stressful they were. Think about it, he saw what was happening around him, with Spain’s former colonies. And I think he for the first time had to grapple with the very human existential fear of death.

If each of his provinces became their own country, would he still be around? Would he just become… Rio? But Rio existed as a province too. Would he just… be a lot of different countries? Probably not. He would probably disappear. He had only just started to be allowed to live, but that could be taken away at any moment. Uruguay and Rio Grande do Sul succeeded in getting their independence. How long until the others? It was quite terrifying. And I think that experience not only made him averse to the idea of being a republic in general at the time, but also created a lot of emotional and psychological problems for him, a lot of insecurity, as well as it made him realize he was nothing. There was nothing to justify his existence. He couldn’t say he existed because he wanted freedom or republic, he had none of these, plus it was something the provinces too could have. What united that land? What made him him? Those were all questions that would haunt him for the rest of the empire, and he would soon be more than willing to go after and accept easy answers. That’s how he gets to that whole indianismo think I talked about some time ago.

He fights his own provinces, on people, countless times. Revolts that really were like civil wars kept popping, and he, who was just a teenager, had to fight to oppress his provinces and force them into being a part of him, for a reason he himself didn’t know. He couldn’t explain why they should be a part of him, except that they were and he wanted them to be and he wanted to live. And he didn’t know why.

In summary, this whole period was one of fear, and insecurity, and doubt. It shook him profoundly as a person more than as a country. Because once Pedrinho was in power, things were quick to stabilize and it was, in some ways, as if those revolts had never happened, but Brazil remembered them, he lived through them, and never really forgot that fear.

If the regency was marked by external peace and internal turmoil, Pedrinho’s reign was one of relatively internal peace and external turmoil. Pedro II was… a complicated figure. Most Brazilians today regard him as an excellent ruler and a wise man, but I at least can’t be this optimistic about the man who insisted on the Paraguayan war, refused to abolish slavery for decades, and basically laid ground to a lot of the problems we still have today, like bad distribution of land and late industrialization. He didn’t do all that by himself, of course, a lot can be blamed on the senate, but he was the most powerful man on the country, and he receives way too much credit for his personal beliefs of being an abolitionist and a pacifist. Maybe he really was both these things, but that doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t use his power to end slavery and avoid war, quite the opposite. And why is that important here? Because I think brazil, the tan, was also fooled by it. He quickly bought into the narrative that Pedro II was this wise incredible man, and overlooked all the ways he kept the worst structures of the country untouched in order to not upset the elite that kept him in power. Brazil wanted nothing but stability and power, and Pedro, looking like the opposite of his father at the surface, brought that. There were no more separatist movements or civil wars once he rose to power, Rio Grande do Sul was reabsorbed, and the years that followed were ones of relative prosperity, and all of that really made brazil more and more attached to the whole concept of the empire. I think just like he was willing to ignore a lot of things during independence for the sake of it, here too he ignored all the ways Pedro II held him back so that he could fully feel the pride of being a powerful empire.

Brazil really did like being an empire during that time. The narrative of the empire was one that answered the question that haunted him for so long – what justified his existence. Justifying it, in the 19th century, is what I believe to be the main motivation underlying everything he did and thought. And the narrative was that the empire guaranteed stability and avoided civil wars and fragmentation, allowing Brazil to be, to quote José Bonifacio, “This majestic and solid piece of social architecture from the Prata to the Amazonas”, and again, all that in comparison to his neighbors that were constantly drowning in civil wars and fragmenting. For stability and that justification, he was willing to turn a blind eye to anything else.

So he rose from the regency feeling stronger than ever. Pedrinho had put everything into place, he was growing, he had a Brazilian in power for the first time, his coffee was going well, and he had survived. Many of his neighbors hadn’t, or at least not in the sense of managing to keep their territories intact. He did. His neighbors were unstable, with wars and coups and wars (like he hadn’t just had exactly that), he was stable and growing and he was the strongest. Once free of the fear of being destroyed from the inside, his ego grew once again, and he felt good. He felt pride in being a big strong and centralized empire, and to look down on the other Latin Americans and even on his father. He was ready now to make his power and influence spread, as an Empire.

That's it, sorry if this is both ridiculously long and also a mess, I have way too many thoughts about imperial brazil and I could've probably written ten more pages of it and still have something to say. Also I'd still love to hear your thoughts on the empire for a Portuguese perspective, because I genuinely have no clue what that would look like. But anyway hmm I hope this was fun?

#ask #sorry this is so goddamn long but come on yall know me at this point i cant and wont shut up #long post #hcs

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cozyteez · 4 years

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Hii, do u have any tips for writing fics?? I’m so used to writing research reports, lab reports, and formal essays that creative writing has become something I really struggle with. I guess it’s having the freedom to write anything and not knowing how to make sure it’s not corny. I tried outlining a fic one time but it was so frustrating LOLOLOL. Anyways, I love your ateez fics. They are so cute and creative!!

hi !!!! im like rlly touched u asked me and i feel u actually that's why i started this blog; im a biomedical engineering major so as u can imagine i dont get to take much creativity with what i write because writing papers and reports and proposals are so formulaic and u gotta stick to the facts so that being said i actually tested out of all my college writing classes so all my writing knowledge is from ap english in hs lmao so take it w many grians of salt

the #1 thing i do when im feeling sort of unmotivated about a story or maybe like like dragging myself thru mud to write it is to just write the "fun" part first. to me the fun part is usually the climax or maybe the like the "wouldn't it be cute if..." moment that came to mind that inspired me to write a blurb in the first place! then usually once i sort of get the ball rolling on that my brain will help me out and keep the momentum going by thinking of maybe "oohh okay maybe this can happen next" or "oohh and what if this led up to it" or !! just stop there !! something ive learned from my mx writing blog which is like a year older than this one was that you don't owe anybody context especially for a blurb so maybe it really is just 3 sentences of a cute moment u thought of like its whatever ur the one writing it

now for longer fics im going to be honest jongho's first love is my first and only completed attempt at a multi stage coherent story. and that was fueled purely based on the fact that when i look at jongho he just gives off sort a really excited sort of innocence that i wanted to further explore and personify through the idea of him experiencing love for the first time but even then i really struggled w the last part because that's where my personal experience stopped and i had basically nothing to go off of because ive never been in love so i did have to kinda wait for ideas to come to me. for prince yunho i have posted 4 chapters but have all the way through chapter 15 drafted. and by drafted i mean it's like 3 sentences of the overall idea. again, the fic was inspired by the duality between yunho's on stage vs. off stage persona where if somebody was to watch an ateez performance for the first time they may find him very serious and maybe even intimidating but atiny would know that his off stage persona (the one he choses to create for us anyways) is very silly and happy-go-lucky and approachable, which is why prince yunho is seen as narameth's strong and stoic pride and joy but in reality he's sort of clumsy but means well. so i let that and his relationship w xenia who is an original character (OC) sort inspire stories or interactions that i force into a plot line. so for example i believe when i first started thinking abt a prince au for yunho i thought "wouldn't it be funny if the first scene started out painting him as this strong and serious man and then cut to him choking on food or something" and that sort of inspired the idea of him being nervous abt the speech and then xenia came out of that because he needed a complementary character imo since i knew he was gonna be kind of one dimensional and then his backstory with xenia inspired other ideas and then one day i was sad and wanted a hug so that inspired a piece of the plot line and so on. so basically: let an idea or even an aspect of somebody come to you and just write it down, let it inspire other ideas. and don't be afriad to completely start over. i wrote a whole chapter for prince yunho and deleted the whole thing because i hated where it was going and started back from scratch. sometimes you have to revisit things abt your characters and their relationships with others to get a new idea. there's a story in every person and every relationship you just have to find the clues

here's an example of what i mean by "write the good part first". this is typically what the very first draft of a blurb will look like for me

((( blah blah blah basically its raining and y/n is sad bc wooyoung broke her heart two weeks ago idk maybe go into it maybe not)))

y/n is all sad and feeling sorry for themselves on the couch theyre past crying but still feel pretty shitty plus it's storming and cold outside. great

there's a knock on their door ofc they have the cliche "who could that be moment" even tho they lowkey know. we literally all know

so yeah wooyoung's there soaked in rain eyes puffy y/n thinks he's been crying

-this would be the "fun part". i'll fix all that garbage up top later or maybe even change it completely idk yet-

"y/n? i - uh. hi"

he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while you crossed your arms over your chest, fighting the urge to close the door and walk away for good

"hi? really wooyoung? is that the best you can do?"

(((wooyoung does smth idk)))

"well i just -"

"you just what? showed up here in the rain after you broke my heart and didn't even bother to tell me why? this isn't some romance movie, asshole. you can't just come here late at night and expect to find me all sad and willing to take you back because i'm not. so say what you're gonna say so i can get back to my life"

your face was red hot and you trying very hard, probably too hard, to fight back tears. ((( idk talk some more abt y/n's emotions then what wooyoung is doing)))

"look, i made a mistake i-"

"oh my god! why did i know you were gonna do this. i just knew as soon as i saw you-"

"will you let me get a fucking word in!?"

well that was new. in the entire time you'd known him he had never raised his voice at you like that, your shock causing you to immediately close your mouth and fold your arms back into yourself (((make y/n seem more scared))) noticing your reaction, he lowered his voice back down and instictively reached for you, heartbroken at the way you jerked away from his touch

"please y/n, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to raise my voice it's just that i need to tell you that i regret what i did i regret breaking up with you so fucking much and you don't have to take me back i just need you to know how much you meant, no, mean to me. i still love you, a lot. there's not a day, an hour, a minute, or a single second that goes by that i'm not thinking of you"

"then why?"

your voice was small and wavering, your tears now dangerously close to spilling down your cheeks

"why what?"

"why did you break up with me like that, just all of a sudden"

he pushed his hands into his pockets and looked away

"because that morning i woke up before you and when i looked at you asleep next to me, i saw myself spending the rest of my life with you and it scared the shit out of me"

"why did it scare you?"

"because i just figured you didn't feel the same. i was selfish and wanted to save myself heartbreak down the line and so i told you i didn't wanna be with you anymore, but that was a mistake because it turns out i can't function with out you, i can't breathe without you i can't live without you, y/n. i shouldn't have let you go"

tears were now freely flowing down your face (((okay brain no work anymore y/n kisses him duh and then ofc they make up wooyoung prob says smth cheesy and y/n is like ur lucky i love you or smth ahaha the end)))

tl;dr -> don't be afraid to get messy. creative writing is not nearly as structured as academic/scientific writing. write whatever u want first it can even be the middle of a huge fight scene or some dialogue u think is funny. if ur stuck read what you have or maybe just take a break and let an idea come to you. a story doesnt have to come together til the very end so it can be as messy and out of order as u want until u wanna post it. also i would always use the third person omniscient point of view for a longer story like a chaptered fic as a default and only change if it would impact the plot in a negative way. this is where the narrator knows what every character is thinking/feeling and im p sure a teacher in middle school told me it was the easiest to write and follow

#sorry i got carried away #also rmbr how i was like my brain cant stop imagining dramatic and disgusting love confessions in the rain? i meant like that #it's so chessy ik 😔 bleh #amanda talks

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notesofarichlycolorednight · 6 years

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Why does no one talk about how luke lost siblings pre war? Like like is what 14 when he comes to camp, hes 19 when percy does. Meaning, because he wasnt the cousler when he got to camp one or more of his soblings had to die in the five years he lived at camp. In the five years he lived at camp his brothers and sisters would go home and not come back? How many bodless shrouds did luke have burn???

oh i think

but on this blog, we stan luke castellan

i stanned luke before it was cool, before the word “stan” even existed

i was stanning luke the moment i finished tlt

but, uh, anyway,,,

in a more…coherent way, i think it’s bc a lot of ppl don’t like luke. like at all. and a lot of it stems from two things,,,

1: many ppl, i think, don’t separate kronos from luke and luke from kronos. OR, they don’t fully grasp just how manipulative kronos was, and how far someone can go when they are being manipulated. OR, they could not do both of those things and still hate luke, and that’s fine and fair. they’re entitled to their opinion

2: the whole “did you love me” scene, when luke was dying

and i know this isn’t what you’re asking for–in fact your question at the beginning of your ask is probably more rhetorical than anything–but like i said, i stan luke castellan, and i have a lot of feelings abt this topic. so i’m going to break down my points, and then talk abt his life at chb before percy showed up, regarding the deaths of his siblings

which is my usual at this point so, ya know,,,

what are you gonna do

as usual, hcs under the cut

one

1a: sometimes i get the feeling that some think luke and kronos were basically one in the same? and that luke is completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series. which is wrong. he’s not, he was being severely manipulated by a titan; misled, misguided, and used. kronos was taking something that already existed in luke and twisting it to his own gains. additionally, after kronos possess him, he’s no longer in control of his actions. he’s trapped in his own body, while kronos pulls the strings, quite literally.

1b: i also get the feeling that sometimes ppl don’t quite understand how manipulation and gaslighting can effect your ability to think for yourself, to think clearly abt a lot of things at all. or, swinging in the other direction, perhaps think too much abt everything. for this post, it’s the former. manipulation is subtle and insidious, you start to do and say things you wouldn’t normally think you’d do or say for fear of punishment, whether it be physical, emotional, and/or psychological from the other. manipulation like that is abuse, and luke was being abused by kronos. so he is not completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series

1c: finally, ppl may very well recognize these two things–that luke and kronos were two separate entities, and that manipulation can be a terribly powerful and destructive tool used against ppl–and still decide to hate him. and ya know, that’s fine. we’re all entitled to how we feel abt fictonal characters. at the end of the day, agree to disagree

two

a lot of ppl hate him also bc of the question he asked annabeth in tlo, a dying man’s inquiry

and a lot of ppl interpreted it as romantic. and therefore, rightfully so, saw that as disgusting, considering luke is considerably older (6 to 7 yrs, at least).

not only that, but luke oftentimes used annabeth’s crush on him against her (whether he knew annabeth’s love was romantic or familial at that time, who’s to say; i mean i say that he didn’t realize annabeth had a crush on him for a very long time, he probably mostly saw it as familial, bc he is considerably older)–i think the biggest example of that would be when he got annabeth to hold the sky for him bc he knew if she saw him in pain, she would help him, no question, bc she loved him. that i can’t really argue against. i will say he was still being deeply manipulated by kronos, but it’s still a p despicable thing to do just in general

the infamous question he asks annabeth, i see as way more complicated. i think since we’re in percy’s head, it’s meant to seem romantic, considering percy could tell immediately annabeth had a crush on luke at the beginning of tlt, and percy, himself, had completely fallen, head-over-heels in love with annabeth at that point in time.

i see the question as familial, as well as romantic love, but not in the way you think. i felt it was him almost checking to see the depth of annabeth’s romantic love she felt for him–was it just a crush, or has she deeply and truly fallen in love with me? i think he knew she’d fallen in love with percy (even if it took him a while to figure out she had a crush on him). his question was more a check, rather than a, “oh i’m going to ask this girl who is 7 yrs younger than me if she loves me romantically.” but also one of familial love. her answer is implied to be strictly romantic, but luke knows that annabeth’s always loved him, and he’s checking to see if not romantic, than still as family. i.e., “but, no, i didn’t love you in that way”

bonus! three

and look, before you get all indignant and ready to pull receipts, i’m not a luke apologist

i recognize that him being manipulated, and not fully in control of his actions, does not excuse the fact that he still committed them. i am fully aware that he was not a good person, and that he did terrible things

but i also recognize that for one, he wasn’t entirely in control or himself bc of the manipulating kronos was doing to him (which does count for something in the grand scheme of things, even if it does not excuse his actions), and two he had a point abt the gods. the gods are fucking awful. they ain’t shit, and they care little abt their own fucking children.

[aside] hey so cool concept: if you don’t want to put in the effort to do the bare minimum for you children…DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. wild i know. and for gods??? the bare minimum would be like claiming them, and making sure their cabins are the least bit comfortable to live in, which they could do, literally with a snap of their fingers, which would take less than a second. the bar is on the fucking ground. if you’re gonna try and give me the Ancient Laws shit, first of all it was clearly shown throughout the pjo and hoo series, the gods often help demigods, even if they aren’t “““““supposed to interfere””””” so that’s a weak argument. second of all, for bigger things, like getting them to camp or smth, well why not find adults who maybe can take care of them??? maybe it’s a bit idealist sure, but adults should fucking know better. not to mention, the fact that i wish older ppl would care and take care of younger ppl is me being ideal speaks for itself. i recognize not every single person can be the perfect parent, but we can sure as hell try to get close

luke did those things bc he thought he was helping demigods–he started doing it for them and it spun wildly out of control bc kronos is a titan, he’s ruthless, and wanted to kill the gods for his own gain. he didn’t care abt luke, but he’d gladly use luke to achieve his goal. by the time luke realized that, it was already too late. but anyway, /tangent

i can completely understand luke’s motivations, while also understanding that his methods were not the way to go abt change. and that’s another thing abt it, is that i feel like many in the fandom take a very black-and-white perspective on his character, when it’s much more complicated than that

there’s a post going around, talking abt how antagonists and villains should be relatable, bc it reminds us not to go there. and i think a lot of ppl should really take that to heart. i can like a character, but not the person. i don’t idealize luke is any sense of the word. i am aware of all his flaws.

now, first i would like to point out that the rules of becoming head counselor don’t have to involve death. i’m sure with demigods, they often do, but there are two other options: 1) two competing head counselors have a chat and agree on who should be head counselor or 2) they battle each other, and whoever is victorious becomes head counselor

it’s a safe bet that that probably happened quite a lot in the hermes cabin, considering how many demigods resided in there before the second titan war (tho i imagine chiron at least tried (???) to make sure legit only children of hermes become head counselors, bc it is...well...the hermes cabin).

but, as i said before, they are demigods, and so it’s another safe bet that their head counselors were often lost to death

it’s hard to say just how many of luke’s siblings were lost to death, but let’s look at the timeline here real quick. in tlt, luke says that he screwed everything up for everyone else, bc after his quest went so awry, chiron stopped letting kids out of camp to go on quests...which thinking abt it now, almost doesn’t make sense.

i mean, the fact that luke failed so miserably and came back horribly scarred was the catalyst the made chiron stop letting ppl out, but demigods literally dying on quests didn’t???? uuuuuummmmmm?????????

and we can extrapolate from the spoils in the attic of the big house that a lot of campers did die on their quests

i mean, maybe it was also bc chiron had a feeling the great prophecy was getting nearer and nearer to being fulfilled, and he decided after luke failed his quest--a close call like that--he didn’t want to risk any other demigods’ lives anymore until the prophecy began, bc war takes a lot of lives, but still, that’s p fucked up logic

/tangent

anyway, so i think luke was at camp for abt 3 yrs before he finally got a quest of his own. so luke had three yrs at camp to lose siblings to death.

i mean, going by how much luke fought to get his own quest, hermes’ children probably didn’t get a lot of issued quests (more evidence abt how others see hermes as a god, despite him still being a major god).

but, for argument’s sake, let’s say that before the great prophecy became too real for chiron to let out kids on other quests, abt 5-10 quests were issued for each full yr, depending on how long the quest itself would take (tho we’ve seen that a lot of things can be accomplished in v little time, so that’s why my estimation has a lot of variation)

[aside] these numbers are completely and utterly arbitrary, i’m totes making this up as i go

and for more argument’s sake, let’s say that the hermes cabin were issued at least half of those, since they have so many kids--maybe even some of the undertermined kids were issued a quest and as a reward would get to know who their godly parent is (wow, that’s just so shitty, where did my mind come up with that)

and i imagine, even tho they were undetermined, luke felt like they were siblings all the same bc everyone, even children of hermes, were miserable in that cabin. it was jam-packed, crammed, with no breathing space. and some of them in there had completely given up that they’d ever find out who their godly parent was bc their godly parent didn’t care abt them at all

luke hated seeing that. so when a quest was issued to anyone in his cabin, and they didn’t come back, that probably took a serious toll on his mental health. not to mention only did to feed his anger and hatred toward the gods. esp if he thought that the kid was only doing it to find out who their godly parent was

bc they get at least half of the quests during the yr, across 3 yrs, luke probably lost from 5-15 of his siblings, and those he considered siblings.

i have a hc that he cares quite a lot abt his half-siblings. for as much as he hates his father, his siblings didn’t do anything to be ignored like he is, and as luke grows older, he probably takes on kinda father-figure. like if hermes isn’t gonna step up, then luke will he just kinda went abt it the wrong way, with the whole kronos thing...

i imagine, also, that he sometimes lost his siblings when they would sneak out of camp. i mean, from what little glimpse into luke’s life we got before he started trying to take over the world, he made it sound like the hermes kids often snuck out of camp to get things from new york proper like junk food. and it’s more dangerous for them outside the borders, so it’s safe to say that if they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and met a monster they were unprepared to face, they most likely died.

that only increases the number of siblings he lost over those 5 yrs before precy got to camp.

i think tho, those that went on quests and died would have more impact, bc it’s obvious his siblings dying after sneaking out didn’t dissuade him from still sneaking out. but luke was probably more careful abt it

actually, jk, it probably affected him A Lot. and hc that that’s part of the reason he trained so hard with a sword--he probably told his siblings that he’d be the only one going out of camp for any bargaining chips, didn’t matter if he was directly involved or not. and bc he was so good with a sword, he’d be better equipped to handle tougher monsters.

with every lost sibling, i imagine luke throws himself into sword-fighting and masking his grief and pain with anger and hatred even more--it grows exponentially, and never hits a ceiling. he probably blames the gods to bury the fact that he actually blames himself. bc if he accepts that he blames himself that means he also wasn’t strong enough to protect his siblings

it’s easier to blame the gods and train so that maybe one day he’ll be strong enough to protect his siblings. that’s another motivation behind why he decides to join kronos and lead his army until kronos can reform/find a host. kronos promises to make him strong enough to protect not just his siblings, but all demigods who have been thrown to the wayside by the gods--no more useless quests that needlessly take their lives, just to get their godly parents to “““““approve””””” of them

i’m sure he gets tired of feeling powerless, and sometimes the grief is so overwhelming he hides in the forest and lets himself feel for once, but not willing to let anyone else see him break. then he somehow puts himself back together, more determined than ever to become powerful enough to make it stop. at the very least, make it stop happening so frequently.

hmmm, not sure if this is what you asked for, but this is where my brain went. not quite happy with it, i feel like i keep saying the same thing abt luke over and over again but in varying ways, but i did add some new hcs

if you wanna send in another ask with some of yours ideas, i think my brain would be able to use that as a springboard and come up with more specific hcs

as always, thanks for sending this in!!! i know i say this with every ask, but i really do enjoy thinking/discussing these things ^_^ it’s always fun to interact with the fandom for me

FEED ME SEYMOUR

#girlygirlbishop #luke castellan #pjo meta #pjo hcs #asked and answered #washingdad writes

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wishofgold-blog · 6 years

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[ ooc // headcanon ] On Yugi’s mental health issues. CW for mental health talk ( obv ) some mentions of suicidal ideation/self-harm ( vague, just one sentence ) and some mentions of ( past ) bullying.

All of this is subject to change as I get further into the manga, because, obv, early manga Yugi is what’s freshest in my mind at the moment, and bc I don’t remember a whole lot from the manga, I can’t draw from it on more than what I’ve re-read thus far.

So first off, the way I write Yugi is that he has Depression and Autism-- I’m only ( read: mostly ) going to focus on the former in this post because I feel that... I’m.. more comfortable talking abt Yugi and his depression because I trust I can write abt in a more coherent manner.

Anyways. Yugi is recovering from clinical depression. Though there’s probably a biological/hereditary factor in there ( I don’t have many head canons in the way of either Yugi’s mother or father ) Yugi’s depression was, at the very least, kick started by the bullying he’s endured since he was a child. Yugi’s always been small, shy, and rather odd in the eyes of his peers, and he’s always been an easy target for older and meaner kids. He’s never really had much in the way of friends, and all of that has taken a toll on him from a very young age-- Though Yugi has always been on the optimistic side and tried to think positive and view the good side of things, a mental illness is a mental illness, and his situation was not kind-- He had a lot of very low moments and a lot of things that he kept hidden both for the sake that he was ashamed of it and because he’s not the type who wants to make his friends or family worry (( Which is a whole other ramble in and of itself in how Yugi views friendship and making/maintaining friendships )). Despite the lows he’s had though, Yugi has never made much in the way of attempts on his own life (( nor attempts at self harm-- He’s never been calmed by it, never seen the appeal. It does nothing for him. )), he’s very much someone who idealizes and comes up with plans but makes no action to go through with anything. This in and of itself leads to a lot of issues in perceiving his own disorder, thinking that he isn’t as mentally ill as he is, berating himself for what he perceives to be something that’s just for seeking attention-- It’s because of this that Yugi didn’t really begin to seek help for his issues until after the events of the manga ( just before DSOD ), not quite because he wasn't denying he had issues at all, but because he had convinced himself that most of it was born from wanting attention and wanting people to care about him. Obviously it wasn’t just that, because the issue persisted long after Yugi had made friends and no longer had a reason to be so distressed or just want attention/concern, and so he finally stopped kicking himself and sought out professional help.

Not the most eloquent way to transition, but I want to talk a little more about the bullying Yugi’s gone through-- Both what we see in the manga and some of my HCS. First things first, it’s very clear that Yugi’s just sort of... used to being beat up upon. He always hops back up pretty quick for the beatings he’s taken, and he never really lets himself wallow over it for too long, it seems. I’d go through the manga and pick out examples but ngl I don’t... really want to. It also seems that Yugi just sort of accepts the things that are happening to him and his friends, and he never seems genuinely outraged with the way he’s treated, and though it could be read as Yugi just being passive ( which he is, but still ), but I think it could also be read as Yugi being used to being treated like that. He only seems to get upset when people treat his friends the way that they treat him. It could also be, or most likely a combination of all three, that Yugi just has a really low sense of self-worth (( also do note that pretty much all of this paragraph relates to early manga Yugi-- post-DSOD Yugi, the one that I write, knows his self worth and though he might not resort to kneecapping a bitch right away if you treat him like shit he will get tired of it and push back )). I think it could also be that Yugi recognizes that fighting back can, on occasion, makes the situation WORSE. He’d rather, in not fighting back, run the risk of being bruised rather than run the risk of giving his bully reason to hit harder. I don’t have much in the way of hcs about Yugi’s treatment prior to anything we see in the manga, just that it’s something that’s extended back into his childhood quite a bit and was the heaviest drive in his depression, self-esteem issues, and his issues in how he perceives friendship--

Which is what I wanna talk about right now. First things first: Early manga yugi’s perception of friendship is warped. Even now it somewhat is, but he knows well enough now that he isn’t right about everything. First off, the wish and the puzzle-- This is a headcanon and though I’m sure I could dig up manga caps to support my claim, I’m not going to, because I’m lazy.

I think Yugi, especially early manga yugi, has had a lot of issues concerning his wish, the puzzle, and his friendships. He made the wish to have friends, and now he has friends-- And he isn’t and hasn’t been sure if his friendships have remained strong because of his wish or because of who he is as a person. He isn’t sure if his friendships could’ve happened without the puzzle ( a scenario he doesn’t think of often-- He doesn’t like imagining what life would’ve been like if Atem and the puzzle hadn’t become a part of it, bad situations and all ), and one of his fears is that the puzzle itself is what made Jounouchi and Honda (( shh )), and even Anzu (( and even Kaiba, because he does consider Kaiba to be his friend, and the worry doesn’t just apply to the friends he made right after making the wish )) like him at all and/or want to be his friends. He worries ( worried? ) that in making his wish he did something to change the people around him and that the friendship he has might be based off nothing but lies made by his wish (( and as a side note-- There might be ( read: I know there is, but i’ve chosen to ignore it ) canon evidence to dispute this but I, personally, don’t think the puzzle actually.. did anything. I don’t think Yugi’s wish worked-- at least, not in the way most people imagine wishes to work. I have.. more specific thoughts on this but this isn’t the post to do it in )). It should be noted however that with the Yugi I write, after everything that’s happened, this is only a worry that comes to him when he’s in distress or overthinking-- It’s not something that’s there throughout everything, it’s not a main focus of his, it’s just a thought that comes to haunt him on occasion.

Now, on how Yugi perceives maintaining friendships, and this should be a much shorter ramble-- I think that Yugi is one of those people who ( and mostly when he’s already upset ) thinks that venting and expression his emotions if something that could chip at a friendship. He doesn’t want to overwhelm or overstep his boundaries, and it’s a nigh constant anxiety that he’s going to do something to ruin what he has-- This also manifests as a fear of abandonment. Yugi becomes anxious when his friends don’t reply to him, when they just drop off the face of the earth (( You know who you are )), and less frequently, a fear of being replaced.

Now.. Another shorter ramble, but how becoming someone whose a p famous duelist changed how Yugi... perceives his own issues and his life in general. Being someone who is now loved and has a good support system has done something for the better, obviously, but it’s also done something that isn’t.. quite as good. As mentioned above, Yugi finds there’s no reason he should be upset with his life ( minus the fact Atem is no longer with him, but that’s a whole other can of worms ), which recycles the old fear that his depression is just him “Acting out” for attention or something of that ilk.

I wanted to go on but my headache got worse and I’ve kinda exhausted myself on what I wrote already lmao--

#( HC. ) destinies and prophecies //#( Ooc/Sage. ) twitchy witchy boy //#exhausted noise #lays down #me a dumb gay: forgets why i made this post in the first place #yugis afraid of being alone again

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mynlov · 7 years

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10/12/17

went to see a rlly sad play today: people, places and things

it wasn’t the best thing i’ve ever seen in my life but at one point the main character talked abt feeling like she couldn’t take herself srsly enough to prioritize her own happiness / it was also abt acting and playing parts and they rlly made me think abt who we are etc, all that deep stuff that’s been thought abt so many times it’s like dirty laundry that u can never wash haha

but anyway i believe in intrinsic value, maybe bc i have to and i realized that or maybe bc idk whether i believe in god or not (probably not) but i need sth to hold on to, who knows

it was good not to be in lessons though and i got enough sleep last night and i caught up on work / i made a slightly depressing post on my priv ytd and **** asked me if i was ok during break today and i felt rlly bad and tried to explain that i don’t want ppl not to think i’m ok but then i felt stupid bc there’s no possible explanation for making that post aside from being ridiculously self-absorbed

i was talking to **** the other day abt how i found out that there are 2 types of ppl, selfish or altruistic and that you can be on the spectrum but there is no sitting on the fence and there IS a turn-over point / and how i know some ppl (...) who r so inherently selfish even when caring abt other ppl that they can never let go of themselves or prioritize anyone else and it’s rlly sad bc they end up treating the ppl that love them like shit (it shouldn’t be THAT sad bc the ppl who love her only love her bc they’re family, it’s like obligatory love. i technically hate her. i mean there’s probably people who do love her as a person but i cannot understand them. how can you love somebody who will never treat you like they love you more than they love themselves. and yet there is the ugly truth? about me? why do i need somebody to love me more than they love themselves? do i love anyone more than i love myself? yes... sometimes. i think i have the potential to, but then again i always say that potential is not enough sooo)

but back to what i told ****, i think i’m inherently selfish as well even though i would often pick other ppl over myself / even so i always feel sorry for myself, am aware of my own presence in situations and can’t get rid of the idea that i don’t like the shape of my presence, it’s awkward, always too big and attention-seeking and i thought i learned to let it bother me less but i think now it bothers me more and more

and i keep thinking about university and how i can’t wait to be around a bunch of people who don’t know me so i don’t have to speak to them and ruin everything / but also i wonder if i’ll just speak anyway and say too much all over again and then ppl will know me for who i am (but it’s strange to be an ambivert or whatever bc i feel sort of like an empty shell, like what i tell everyone is what i THINK i feel but what i actually feel is so different that i can’t put it into any sort of coherent sentence. i just want ppl to be happy though, i do know that. i’m kind of scared in a weird and incomprehensible way that if i stay here much longer, which i will for a while until i leave school, everyone will know too many things abt me which i thought were true when they found them out, but which might not be true now or might never have been true. and then there’ll be a bunch of ppl out there who know things abt me that i don’t want to be known, either because i don’t like them or because they are not true. and will i get rid of this persona that i’ve created for myself while i was too busy being tired/angry/sad/scared? aaaaa)

this morning i saw mr ***** walking his kids to school again and we waved at each other, it makes me feel so happy when i see people who have lives with shape and a sort of purpose (not in a dramatic way, as in: i like looking into people’s houses when u can see through the windows because it’s dark and seeing their rooms and people sitting at their desks, because my life here doesn’t often have shape. only when i’m on the beanbags with **** and *** watching tokyo ghoul or a movie or when i’m drinking shhh with **** and **** and *** or when i’m walking around town with **** or generally when we’re sitting in a place that isn’t as in-betweeny or scent-less as a boarding house) and i also love seeing children bc i think being a child is so weird and free and i wish i’d been less dramatic about having nothing to do when i was a kid. i also wish i’d been less of a perfectionist and enjoyed what i had while i still had it (time, mostly. i had SO much time). mr ***** has a dog and he talks to his children but they never say anything back. the other day he said something to me in passing and touched my arm and it was so friendly and it honestly made my day so much better...why? i think i need to be around new people, really badly. even being with ***** was like breathing fresh air after being inside all day. it was also that, of course, since i was outside properly for the first time in ages.

anyway, i feel a little bit better now but i shouldn’t procrastinate or everything will go to shit again! now i’ll try to do a load of work :/

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