you procrastinate making videos cause being judged is scary you're so close to being forgotten the hate's imaginary. kind of a raw ass line tbh

it's all fun and games typing up a silly, rickety little au idea in the tags of someone else's post and then suddenly you find yourself expanding on the world-building and plotting out interconnected stories for characters you swore would only make background appearances and your brain is On Fire with the need to write even when you know you can't commit to yet another doomed wip

WHY HADNT ANYBODY TOLD ME THAT I WROTE THIRD PERSON INSTEAD OF SECOND PERSON ON MY MASTER LIST HSJDBDJS

THAT POST HAS BEEN UP FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS riiiip I've fixed it now

Why don't I know anything??

I just don't know enough, do I. I keep trying to write about things I just don't know or understand and it's ridiculous. I'll never be able to research and learn enough and still finish anything. If I'm actually going to do this, it has to be something I have some expertise in, which would be a lot easier if I weren't a goddamned flighty dilettante who can't commit. I'd have that damn PhD I always wanted if I could, wouldn't I?

I mean I can write about depression and anxiety and religious trauma and self-loathing but I don't even wanna read that, let alone write a story about it. I know shockingly little about the place where I live and I'm not sure I care enough to learn. If I ever knew anything about the place I grew up, that place is gone now. (Chrissie Hynde would know what I mean, I guess, except at this rate I'll never go back....)

I was actually writing a little again for the first time in weeks and now one stupid little metaphor comparison has tanked me. (Well, and a fresh reminder that anything I can do, someone else can do better.)

Fuckity.

.......

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((I want everyone to keep something in mind in regards to this blog and this is going to sound like a general, common sense post (and in a way it is) but it's also hi I'm in your house, whispering into your ear, telling you to call ga//amestop and ask them if they have bat//tleto//ads---, blah blah, basically it's personal too:

With me, regardless of blog or content, both communication and engagement go hand in hand. Communication and engagement needs to go both ways.

I love posting and reblogging memes and calls and will continue to do so but you folks---old mutual or new mutual doesn't matter---need to take the initiative yourself sometimes too. Be enthusiastic. Be spontaneous. Be proactive. I don't want to ask people to write with me all of the damn time nor do I want to chase after people all of the time because if I have to do that constantly over and over again it starts feeling incredibly one sided even when it isn't (because ofc people have lives, specific interests, anxiety, and whatever else which are all things that I deal with myself and I understand how that can stop someone from doing something, but that's how it feels especially over an extended period of time) and I don't need to explain how disheartening and draining that can be.

My seeming to interact with only one person---and for both of my blogs it's @magioffire and we all know that---it's not because we're being stuck up, elitist or whatever inane and incorrect term people want to throw at our feet it's because we engage and communicate. The give and take between us (both from an ic and ooc standpoint) never feels imbalanced or even transactional (I really hate using that word but, again I gotta stress this, that's how this makes me feel) and I have never felt like I needed to chase them down for an interaction or had to fight for a scrap of their time---which feels like a feat bc Blair has a lot of people scrambling at their door---and I cannot tell you how huge that is. That sounds like a huge sweeping thing to say, I know, but I mean it in all of the little ways too. I could post some stupid bullshit on here; not a starter or a meme just a little random muse thought or observation, and 100% of the time here comes Blair telling me what they think or adding on to it or just...whatever. They're here for both me and my muses for the big and small things, whenever I've asked and, more often than not, when I haven't (or couldn't) and that's incredibly important. It's that kind of stuff that makes what we have special and that's putting it super lightly. And yes, our relationship both as friends and as writers has developed over a long time, and we did click immediately that's true, but there's never been any doubt to cast upon the work and effort both of us have put forth.

And this post isn't to say that I'm demanding constant or immediate attention from you all---because, again, we all have lives, health issues, etc, etc, and all of that takes precedence over a hobby as I've said before and will say again and again---but....put some effort into it when you have the capability. Yes, like the calls that I post or send a meme in, absolutely, but also message me on your own and ask a question or shoot a muse a random prompt or just @ me in a post. Show me some enthusiasm and engagement on your end because right now it feels like I'm doing all the work all of the time and that's tiring. I'm tired of handing stuff to people all of the time---I'll keep doing it, obviously, because I need and want to engage on my end and love throwing stuff at people and providing opportunities---all I'm asking for is understanding and reciprocation.

If you can't reciprocate for whatever reason? Tell me.

If you're unsure about something, no matter what that something is? Tell me.

If you need help or even a specific kind of accommodation in order for us to start interacting or continue interacting? Tell me.

Don't just assume that I don't want to write with you or that you can't ask me for things. Don't assume that I'm being a snob or whatever else just because I seem to be paying attention to a certain mun full time because do you know what that actually is? That's friendship. That's effort. That's me giving back what I've been given. That's me reciprocating the enthusiasm, love and creativity that I've been handed, nothing more. There's nothing unobtainable or gatekeep-y about that either, you just need to be earnest and forthcoming with me and I can assure you that I'll return the favor in kind.))

i wonder if all of this discourse is happening because people keep believing that their headcanons are canon truths rather than... headcanons/fanon. seems like people think mike called will or has a secret letter to him and they headcanon about that, but they use those headcanons as arguments for canon which then makes... no sense? it is not canon that mike called will and it is not canon that he wanted to send a letter but couldn't or has a secret present or vice versa. it is not canon that he 'didn't call because he has secret feelings that he repressed', like bruh. not to mention this has been a direct parallel to s3 and how incompitable mlvn's relationship is. they did this same thing in s3 when they ignored their friends. only el stopped it because she recognized it was toxic in s3 and went to be friends with max. the audience is supposed to will see in the right because he is objectively right in those scenes when it comes those scenes, if the audience doesn't see him in the right then the whole point of those scenes makes no sense and The Point dies ideologically. It reminds me of ppl arguing that Will should have stopped wanting to play d&d in S3 and mike and lucas were right.

it's funny that you consider that discourse because i don't

yeah that's why saying people shouldn't side with will as much at rink mania "because mike called" is not a compelling argument to me like. you literally don't know that. it's A THEORY. and of course theories can come true and mike liking will back at all is also just a theory but idk. i'm not going up to people who don't like mike telling them that he's closeted and in love with will so he's not as bad as they think yk, i don't think it makes sense to counter with a theory, more people see will as being in the right because there's no need for speculation

but yeah of course we're supposed to side with will since the whole day shows that once again mike and el are making everyone else miserable, including themselves but i don't see how that's will's fault because it's quite literally self-inflicted. sorry will let the day that was supposed to be about the two of you be about the two of you i guess idk

//very excited to be done with adult tweek bc now i can properly brainrot about metro

10 years ago I got an idea for a story and began taking writing more seriously. Writing it though I knew I had to wait, live more life. 10 years later I think I discovered the plot.

The way I'm still not finished with writing the first two ideas I had in mind for this ship, I'm suddenly getting two more. 🙈🙊 Could somebody please arrange it so that I'd have all the time in the world to write it all? Because 24hrs a day is simply not enough.

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I’m thinking about Obey Me a lot again recently, mainly Lucifer of course. But mostly because I’m mourning what we could have had if he stayed like he was in Season 1. 

I just went to sleep😂, you really want to see one of the bunny boy in action, mh?

link of the poll

The way people keep telling Carmy he's dead (because they mistake him for his brother), not even that he should be dead like his dreams say, but "you're dead," "aren't you dead," and it makes him seem like a ghost, like nothing more than a reflection of loss, but at the same time he keeps the restaurant alive because he IS still alive and he knows it so he keeps on making food (which obviously is massively connected with life and life-giving) he keeps on going into the restaurant because he's! not dead! Even though people keep telling him he is! Alexa play Hesitant Alien by Gerard Way!

(I still haven't been able to watch more than two episodes but I am Always Thinking About Them)

no but like!! that's the thing!!! is he keeps being told he's dead and it's not even on purpose but his dreams tell him it SHOULD be!!! and YET!!!!!! he keeps choosing to live and to try to get better and to try to make things better for other people!!! and WITH other people!! and this is very clearly illustrated specifically in the way he consistently apologizes to people when he screws something up/is a jerk!!! he is TRYING. trying for life and connection and healing and hope. Alexa play Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance