#who wants some of my coffee?
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The art // the artist
#me#gay#face#gay man#gayguy#hey its me#not sure if I’ve posted this but it’s so nice#oldie but goodie#who wants some of my coffee?
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Last piece ❤️💙
There are still leftovers of the Calendar as well as some A5 prints with calendar pieces 💞
linktr.ee/Mezzy (or check my Tumblr for links)
#klance fanart#klance#voltron legendary defender#ooofff you ever feel like you keep doing things and things are still to get done???#i keep saying this every five posts#i start to think loving getting in the 'art zone' is my biggest vice#because sure i sketch or do some digital work from time to time but if i haven't sat down to draw for hours#until eyes sting and neck cant move and brain sleepy af? is it drawing anymore? is it living anymore? yeah i thought so#im the main person making grocery shopping in this house did you know? for three people#there is always something running out and like let me tell you i already answer business emails while eating#i cleaned the windows today before my first coffee#okay to be fair i started it but apparently i used the wrong bottle and i smeared anti grease all over the windows#and then finished my coffee staring at the curvy roads of a thin film painted between me and the world promising myself to never do anythin#before first coffee#either way i feel like i havent been very present or entertaining lately#by which i mean on and off for months#am i correct or am i partially correct or reimagining things? who knows#but i keep having so many things i want to do it just keeps on going#i'm starting with commissions now#BUT THEN!!#haha yeah i hope you are having a great November and enjoy this piece!!#sending hugs <3 if you like them if not#a gentle wave from a far
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I finally finished Bugsnax
#I know Grumpus Bean has a unique tag but I don't remember what it is and I think I was gonna change their last name#so new tag time#OC: Bean (grumpus)#that'll do for now#but yes I am like three years late#mainly bc my old pc lagged to all hell and then I never redownloaded it on my new one until like yesterday#well I actually had to repurchase it for steam bc I was not gonna get that epic games launcher just for bugsnax but no big#although for some reason the game still lags but only when I am in snaxburg so the last quest was extra stressful! fighting a hoard at 2fps#I did know what was gonna happen bc I'd watched the ending#but still! it's a different experience to actually play than just watching someone who is also talking over most of it#and they didn't do most of the sidequests nor any of the DLC (tho I watched it before the DLC so they could not have ljksdgfkj)#so that was all new to me!!!#there's so many fuckin quests but I did them all!!!#except like two of them and catching that fast little coffee bastard#I will probably return to do that but for now I have to draw or I will explode#we will return to PT things but don't mind if I have snax on the brain for a bit#I have some funny moments I want to draw
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anyway kaishin + bad parent toichi and chikage enjoyers go read cuethesun's tomorrow, and the next day ✌️😎✌️
#kaishin#i will be rereading it for the nth time 🤚😌#IT'S GOT THE CUTE COFFEE SHOP FLUFF#IT'S GOT KAITO HAKUBA FRIENDSHIP#IT'S GOT KID RELATED ANGST#IT'S GOT SHINICHI (i love that man)#IT'S GOT KAITO (i also love that man)#IT'S GOT THE DANGER#and it aint kaishin if theyre not hurt and worrying over each other babeeeey ohhhh i FUCKIGN LOVE KAISHIN RAAAAAAHHHH#also shinichi protecc kaito ugh ugu rahhh i lob him#also kaito protecc PROTECT shinichi uggghhghh i lob him#if i dont make sense then you just gotta read the fic#if you have already then this is the sign to reread#ALSO TO THAT PERSON WHO ASKED FOR FIC REC ON MY MESSAGES IM SORRY IMMA NEED TIME THATS SO HARD LIKE I LOVE THEM ALL LMAO#if you rly want some now though you can go to my ao3 bookmarks 😘#also the kaishin bigbang fics are always a good place to start 👉😘👉#dc prattles
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Käärijä is ready to let cha cha cha go, I hope he can soon. Let Häärijä wear the yellow or green bolero, so that Käärijä can put more focus on his usual music, while also having the opportunity, time, and creative freedom to experiment to his heart's content. That way he can compartmentalize cha away into its folder, still perform it because it is the song that rocketed him into fame, and not grow to hate it.
(P.S. My liege, pls feed me I crave your bangers)
#ngl im getting bored of it too#i need NEED more music from Käärijä i need the bangers that slap me around#and i will return to cha cha cha sometimes and welcome it like an old friend#i mean he did say that they listened to it a million times and still found it fun and thats (also) why they chose it#but he's allowed to get tired of it#just hope he can have a say in it -- he's at his best when he does what he wants but this type of freedom is not common in the mainstream#there are a few paths ahead of him#i want him to choose the path that will make gim the happiest#he found his audience who will fiercely support him through all because they all want the best for him#käärijä#it is morning i have a migraine im hot and i havent had my coffee yet#i like Käärijä is all#seeing all the videos from last night made me mushy even though some made me kinda uncomfortable lmao#im a back row bitch
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wondering why old ladies aren’t smiling at me around town as much this morning then remember im wearing hoops and a puffer jacket and generally look like a bitchy year 9 girl who’s about to punch someone
#state school fit jumped out today I must say#smiling first at the old ladies like IM NICE I SWEARRRRR. SMILE BACK#anyway i made it to my coffee shop that’s what matters 🫶🏼 im doing the plot outline for dog teeth part 3#bc FUN FACT I’ve approached the writing of that super different to how i normally do#like normally as we know I’ll plan out EVERY STUPID DETAIL of each chapter before i even start writing#whereas this time around I’ve written the whole of part 1 and some of 2#with NO set plot outline for part 3 like all I’ve got is bullet points of where i need to take it and Key Events#but nothing in between and im just gonna let myself figure that out as i go#WHICH IS SO SCARYYY I DONT /DO/ THISSSS#and im sat here now like ‘i WONT make an outline im just gonna hash it out more…’#who wants to bet i make an outline 😐#it’s not MY fault the plot got away from me (it’s entirely my fault)#like part 3 is getting INTENSE i have so many insane ideas for it it’s rlly looking to be a banger fic icl#SO SURELY I NEED A DETAILED OBSESSIVE PLAN FOR EVERY SINGLE PART OF IT. RIGHT#fuck sake 😭 oh well it’s my staff party tonight 😋#hella goes home
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*screaming on the top of my lungs* that’s not what Jesus would have wanted
(Venting in tags)
#this is in reference to my brother saying he doesn’t want a relationship with ME cause I’m gay and not living a righteous life#like oh you mean? me ? a sinner ? because I have a girlfriend and drink coffee??#as opposed to you#not a sinner#even though you cheated on your wife multiple times and assaulted me twice and someone else? and then kicked me out of your hous#when I was homeless in Idaho winter#because your wife was slightly uncomfortable with someone asleep on her couch? you#definitely righteous you#who should be in jail actually for some of the thing s you’ve done?#but no IM the sinner cause I don’t Believe In The True Church#and you’re the sinner because at least you pray and go to church. and Partake of the Lords Sacramrny#please forgive me for saying this but#THATS NOT EHAT JESUS WOULD SAY#SO ACTUALLY FUCK? YOU?#anyway I tore him a new one and now feel so good <3#I have to rant here or I’ll pass away#hi this is me#Tw#Tw rant#Tw abuse#vent#Tw vent#kicked me out after ONE night#fucjing unbelievable
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doing this amazing new thing called eating well EVERY DAY and drinking enough water EVERY DAY and trying to get a bit of a healthy walk in EVERY DAY and sleeping at least 7 hours EVERY DAY... and then looking at my Fitbit stats like a nerd to see what happens EVERY DAY... will let you know if anything interesting does happen
#because i need to take care of myself as well as my virtual pets and plants AT LEAST#but for some reason thats not nearly as fun#anyways fitbits are almost like gamifying self care to me#and so is reporting on things to my blog like a shitty scientist hahaha#i will say in the first few days of this my resting heart rate / heart rate variability has improved already#and i just feel better like. more steady with my energy/hunger and less thirsty for sure#my current meals are overnight oats + fruit and then like veggies and brown rice and chicken stir fries#just drinkin coffee and water and the occasional fresca#also some avocado eggs n toast if i want#not gonna lie i straight up asked ChatGPT to make me a meal plan that was healthy and not too expensive or hard to make hahaha#also one of my inspirations is watching the youtuber who makes bento boxes for her husband every day#i watch them as comfort asmr and they always make me want to cook something and pack a lunch#'imamu room' on YouTube seriously good stuff#i love the little catchphrase on her channel 'lets survive another week' hahaha#motivates me to want to DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN EVERY WEEK#p
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made a lil ref for drals. forgot that these are fun to make :)
#yans art#elder scrolls online#dralvayn arano#there are some little jokes scribbled on there sorry my handwriting is tiny and hard to read#i keep going back and forth on him having piercings. like on one hand the piercings are hot#but on the other. it's just not who he is as a person. he's so.... utilitarian and anti-fun LOL#but anyways. i just want more trans men characters who just look like someone's dad#like just some guy u'd see at a 711 at 2am high as balls in a hoodie and socks and sandals buying a pack of cigs and a large black coffee#also there comes a point in drawing chainmail where u just have to go 'yeah ok good enough'#like it could be better but idk if it's worth the hassle to try again lol#also the scars are definitely worse on his back but i am lazy !!
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Recent-ish life pictures and etc.
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. bright very poofy cloud sky#2. saw these weird bugs on a sidewalk that were clustered in a pile and some of them were sitting butt to butt or something.. I wonder if#that's how they mate?? or maybe just some sortof strange bug fight or something.. interesting little creature party happening#out on the pavement on that day#3. Its kind of hard to see but on the inside of this watermelon there is a slightly lighter formation that sort of looks like a heart shape#4. special breakfast of scrambled eggs. soy sausages. and jarred artichoke heart. with some black coffee and whipped cream + a strawberry#5. ARBY.. fish ...traditional summer treat available only until like september maybe for like a month. but I love them because theyre cheap#lol.. the next closest/cheapest fried fish sort of option that is easily acessible to me is a more upscale fast food place where you can ge#three tiny little chunks of fish maybe the palm of your hand sized for about $17 lol... so 4 arby fried fish chunks for like $5 is good#6. & 7 - very cool sunset colored sort of pink/yellow/orange flower I found growing wild in someone's yard#8. got as a gift from someone who got it for christmas but didn't really want it and asked if I did since everyone knows Im like The Person#Who's Obsessed With Cats out of any group of people.. but I still havent done it lol.. it just sits there gathering dust until I have#the time on top of my 600 other projects. I think it's cool that it's gray so it does look like noodle (my cat)#9. Noodle (the aforementioned gray cat) with fancy lighting behind him#photo diary
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⛵
#I also keep seeing modern au aubrey-maturin art#that makes me wish I could draw and thereby contribute#unfortunately I can't even *write* modern aus generally. but I like transferring character dynamics from place to place in my brain#and I feel like I could do a university AU very nicely if I could do AUs at all#because I have had rowers in my class with as far as I could tell jack's exact personality#(unfortunately it has to be a US university AU because (a) that's what I know and (b) afaik nobody else does randomly assigned roommates)#(and I cannot pass up the opportunity for randomly assigned roommates.#OR RATHER#for 'you seem more or less human - quick let's request each other so we don't have to go into potluck'#I think that works best)#(but maybe they are both international students anyway. that works fine. & therefore extremely alarmed by potluck [can't say they're wrong]#sophie is a sorority girl. english major I think. and I can see her so clearly#(she's the part I want to draw)#she's not that into the high-octane social schedule her sorority expects her to have#but her pushy mother was a member and it is Unthinkable that sophie should not be#and a lot of the other girls are sweet :) so it's fine :) she says#feel like she has roommate issues (unlike her original self she is able to live away from mrs williams so this makes up for that)#so she's always over in jack and stephen's room. people who know her tangentially sometimes gossip about which one she's actually dating#(at that particular moment it is actually neither of them she's just hanging out with stephen)#diana freed from the shackles of 19th century womanhood creates even more and weirder drama than in canon#idk I just want to see the plot of post captain played out over text message#don't ask me HOW idk HOW i just want it#stephen is a biology major/pre-med obvs. if he can survive organic chemistry#jack is some kind of engineering major. I think he'd enjoy that with the math. diana has changed her major 7 times#(I don't know whether to put jack in rotc. I don't think it Actually actually fits - he's in the navy in canon because he's in the navy#not bc he's Inevitably Military In All Worlds. he would not want to do that if he didn't get to sail#but at the same time I find it hard to picture him not belonging to Discipline somehow.#it's more than a disinterested passion for cleanliness that drives him to wash stephen's mug for him that has had coffee and ramen in it#(and NOT in that order)#in the bathroom sink
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truly we could not rid the world of any au, the fandom ecosystem must have balance, and so, as much as it pains me to admit, much like the humble mosquito, or the wasp i fucking guess, we have to keep soulmate aus
(but they should go on a high shelf until alloros learn how to behave)
(if you said omegaverse aus, grow up. stop being a baby. they're not for you, they are for the furries, the touch starved, and those with breeding kinks, and where would we be without them?)
#have i read some bad omegaverse fics? of course! but we need them#they are the native crops we must cultivate for any fandom to survive... (or the wolves if you will. to keep the deer population in check)#coffee shops come a close second of my personal least favourites bc they just don't do it for me#i like my angst too much#but i read a coffee shop-adjacent au one time that was so good that it redeemed the whole genre#also read a time travel fix-it that ended so badly it almost *ruined* the whole genre for me but i'm reading a good one rn so they can stay#sorry to erase the omegaverse enjoyers who just want to see their cis guy blorbo experience misogyny#maybe txt#op made this unrebloggable but i cannot shut up to save my life so i simply had to share my thoughts that i'm sure you all care about and#want to hear bc you love me :)
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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really think i need to make more irl friends, but it feels so impossible. like most of the ppl my age seem to only hang out in bars, and it’s like sorry, i’m uncool and can’t drink, bc i’m on medication. and making friends via dating apps or something similar is abysmal. so, i’m kinda stuck imaooooo
#i’m aware not everyone hangs out in bars but might have reasons why they can’t hang out#elsewhere like in coffee shops or restaurants or parks or something#bc i certainly do#maybe there’s people who feel the exact way i do and can’t or don't want to leave the house bc of extenuating circumstances#like it’s difficult for me to leave the house#do i want to? yes but that doesn’t negate the difficulty#trying to make friends in general feels like pulling teeth#after a lifetime of autism and social anxiety i’m literally not fully convinced i even know how to communicate i just fell ass backwards#into stuff a lot of the time#trying to put myself out there in any way is literally so incredibly cringe to me#even if i do want to but again doesn’t negate the difficulty#but also again don’t know how to talk to people so even if by some miracle i make friends i might not get to keep them#idk it’s all just so frustrating#i envy the people who can make friends no problem and can talk to people and talking to said people doesn’t wear them out even if you really#like them bc social interaction is exhausting with anyone#but like it’s obviously worse when it’s new#bc small talk actually makes me want to stick forks in my eyes#i wish it were easy but it isn’t#idk i want my independence back and i want my freedom and i want irl friends again#and i want the world to stop feeling so closed off bc i know it isn’t#it’s just hard to see it that way from being bed bound most of the time#and that isn’t gonna change anytime soon#but i wanna open up the world again and i wanna go outside#and making irl friends is part of but i have absolutely no idea where to start#and the cycle continues#christ i almost wish i were back in college with the ‘girl gang’#i mean i felt like a huge outsider to them but at least i kinda had people to hang out with#idk desperately need to open my life up again bc literally no one can live like this and i’ve already been manic once this year#and i’d like to not be in that bad of a place again if i can help it#but idk what to do currently so 🤷🏻♀️
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Broke my streak of not crying at work lol B)
#help i am hiding in the back becausw the only other pwrson on shift is mad at me for messing up an order lol#cant figure how to turn on the dishwasher because ive never had to turn it on before but if i ask him hell be pissed cuz hes the only one on#the coffee machine so cant leave it#a customer tried to be nice and hrlp me eith something but that just made it so much worse cuz like im not doing my job properly#20 mins until someone i know comes on shift who i can ask for help from but idk wjat to do until then brcause i cant do the washing and the#other guy doesnt want me on till and i cant go on till until ive pulled myself together and stopped crying :/#this is so embarrassing#luckily i dont think my coworker noticed but im like 90% sure some of the customers did fuck
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Doin bad again folx
#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable#summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400#literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all#not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due#able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much#my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one#i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts#nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops#I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness#I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too#bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that#+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me#my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life#on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them#currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn#I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief#but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors#despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee#Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse#fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn#mine#txt#vent post#suicidal ideation tw#<- cry for help
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